Good morning?
It sure is.
My apologies. Where are my manners?
Welcome to my love den.
Population, trois, as in ménage à trois.
Let's just say after saving my sister's fashion show,
I got a little bit of a show of my own,
as in your boy...
aka The General, aka That Dude...
went where many have dreamed but few have seen,
the promised land.
Have you ever gotten everything that you've ever wanted?
And if so, what next?
Oh, sorry.
Damn, dude.
Waking up to my car getting towed would have felt better.
Sorry.
See? Just like that,
everything back to normal.
Just three friends who put their parts
inside each other's parts.
All right, friends.
That has been my time.
You guys have been great.
Yep. Super busy day.
Don't know how I'm gonna get through it all.
Yep, you're singing to the choir.
Busy, busy.
_
- _ - Shit.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Um, is this right?
Are we all working together today?
Yep, it's International Student Information Day.
So basically we'll be giving students
who are thinking about transferring a taste
of what Cal U has to offer.
- When? - Now.
Is there anything more awkward than going
to a mandatory-for-graduation school event
with the people you just had a threesome with?
So how did we normal walk?
'Cause I-I kind of forget.
Guys, why are we acting like this?
You know, we're... we're consenting adults.
- We had fun. - Right.
- Nothing to be ashamed about. - Yeah, you're right.
There's no shame in my game.
Cool, so now we never have to talk about this again?
Like, never.
Besides, guys. Like, who is even gonna know?
You guys [BLEEP]?
Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow.
Should I be offended that I wasn't invited?
And who has a threesome the night
before they have to spend an entire day together?
You make me unwell.
Why are you tripping? We're not.
Now, if you guys will excuse me,
I have to go make friends with those kids
from across the pond.
Social Submarine Uruguay isn't gonna just happen.
Uruguay is absolutely not across the pond,
and are you really acting like this isn't a big deal?
Our friend group is gonna be trash.
I am not doing two friendsgivings.
Everything's fine.
Maybe just stop falling asleep to "Summer House."
Yeah, child.
Us three are drama free. okay?
Mm-hmm. Every time you do Black auntie talk,
I know you're lying.
Damn.
I hate how well this woman knows me.
God, I can you even smell it on you.
And if you have any further questions, I'm your guy.
- Thank you. - All right.
I have a ton of questions.
Mm-hmm.
Why are you taking notes?
For my files, because I'm a messy bitch
- who loves the drama. - Oh.
There are thousands of people at this school.
So why did you choose to lay with half of our friend crew?
Oh, my... what guy wouldn't want to have sex
with two women at the same time?
So this wasn't some twisted ploy
to get back with Annika?
What? No.
So you're trying to get with Kiela.
No, I am not, and if I was,
this would be a really dumb way to go about it.
So that's it?
It's all good, not a care in the world?
Let me tell you something.
Unless it is a threesome with two strangers off field,
it is never all good.
No, it's really good.
Mm.
Oh, my God. What if it was too good?
Maybe it was so good that I got both of them confused.
I gotta put a leash on this thing.
Okay, relax, Nick Cannon.
I'm gonna go see how they're feeling,
because clearly you are in no state
to discuss women's feelings.
Good. I've got a job to do anyway.
What's up, bro? Is this a bad time?
What's up, Brock? Yeah, I'm kind of in the middle...
Okay, so I got a gig for the Squid.
Client needs a piece for the grand opening today.
Ah, yeah, I'm kind of tied up right now.
Don't have time to vet the location,
but maybe next time.
It's vetted. Light work, easy cash.
Okay, see, the Squid's locations have to be very specific.
Their identity is a secret.
We'd both like to keep it that way.
- But... - Now if you'd excuse me,
I am supposed to be leading a guided tour right now,
and two of the girls are getting in the closet with Creepy Pete.
Creepy Pete? Who the hell is that?
Creepy Pete!
Good morning, Professor.
You know, I didn't have time to stop for coffee.
May I trouble you for some sugar?
As long as you like it brown.
You know that's my favorite kind of sugar, girl, quit p...
- Mr. Jackson. - Yes, sir. Huh?
Might I have a word with you in the faculty lounge? Hmm?
I just want to let you know that I'm a pre-pre-diabetic,
so the sugar conversation was strictly health related.
Uh, my insulin's been all over the place.
After reviewing your performance
as an associate professor,
the board has voted in favor of promoting you.
Me?
Your dedication to this institution is unmatched.
Congratulations, Professor Jackson.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, guys. Thank you very much.
Well done, young man. Well done.
This is amazing. Wow.
- Yeah. - Congrats.
Thank you. Yes.
I did not see that coming. Did you know?
Just when you thought nobody was watching.
Keep this up, you'll be the next chair
of the African-American Studies department.
This is where you'll register for classes
and take the best on-campus selfies.
Go to my IG for reference.
If you feel inspired to repost, don't forget...
Oh, #Social Submarine.
Welcome to America.
Buenos días.
Chat amongst yourselves.
Just need to borrow you for a minute.
- Say yes. - What's up?
How dare you?
You go from being irritated at the sight of Andre's eyebrow
to exchanging bodily fluids with him and Kiela,
and you're just gonna act like there's nothing to talk about?
We were all out partying, and it just happened.
Look, Andre and I have really good sex,
and Kiela's a pretty girl.
The math maths.
Uh, no.
I understand leaving the door open for a pretty girl, but Kiela?
Am I sensing some suppressed queer vibes?
Things didn't go down quite that way.
When in Rome.
Oh, I think Rome might be too far south for us,
but I love that you wanted to visit.
Miss me?
Come find out.
So yeah.
Nothing like that went down.
Andre must just be so next-level, then, for you
to sleep with him and Kiela just for the sake of good D.
What did Andre have to say about last night?
- Yes. - What did Andre say?
Lord, thank you for making me allergic to male genitalia.
Oh, shoot.
Professor Davis just saw you put your tongue down my throat.
Um, okay. What do we do? What do we do?
We're just gonna tell him that my insulin was low.
- You were helping me out. - Aaron, it's cool.
Yeah, I don't think it's cool.
Aren't optics why we've been making sure that none
of the other faculty members found out about us?
It is, and I know that we didn't wanna give people
anything to whisper about.
Maybe it's time we revisit the terms of our agreement.
I'm not following.
I thought that this was gonna something fun and casual.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
But we laugh and debate and have great sex.
- Mm-hmm. - And it's just easy.
Really easy, like Sunday morning.
You know?
I know before now,
I've been slow motion when it comes to seeing what
- this could actually be. - Mm-hmm.
But I think that we make it official
and let Cal U and everyone else know
that we're a we.
Yeah?
Yeah.
No.
Technically, our student government is
a bicameral body, but that is a common misconception.
Ask her...
Uh, quick question.
What possessed you to have a threesome
with Andre on Hanukkah?
Annika. Just... amateur.
- Answer the question. - Seriously?
Have you had sex? It's fun.
Blah, blah, blah.
We all love getting our shelves dusted,
but why did you choose
to have a threesome with your friend
and your other friend/your first friend's ex-girlfriend.
It's really not that big of a deal.
Don't you have a sexual bucket list?
I do, and as soon as Salma Hayek responds
to my DM, I will be this close to completing it.
Well, a threesome was on mine,
and if I'm gonna do it, I might as well do it
with people I'm comfortable with.
Interesting.
Yeah, and I'd say it was a good call,
because your girl kind of snapped
and went a little too hard.
Ooh, leg cramp.
- I'll... I'll be right back. - Mm-hmm.
I'm just gonna grab a Gatorade
and stretch out my hip flexor.
I'd say it all worked out well. We're all friends.
Annika and Andre have had sex, obviously,
so they're comfortable.
And then Andre and I had had sex before, so...
What the [BLEEP]?
You and Andre were sleeping together?
No, no. Okay. We only slept together once
in a bathroom at a party.
It was nothing.
First of all, gross.
And second, why wouldn't you just tell me?
Well, okay. We weren't friends when it happened.
- Plus... - Did you guys know this?
I'm new here.
I cannot be expected to know facts from fiction.
I knew, but I assumed you did too.
I mean, you dated Andre for six months,
and he didn't tell you?
You should be mad at him.
I am really, really sorry.
I didn't realize that you didn't know.
And honestly, it really wasn't that serious,
so I didn't think I'd have to go and double-check.
But I can promise you that I didn't,
and I don't, have feelings for Andre.
All good.
This better be a question about this damn school.
That's what I thought.
All right, guys.
This way to the AV labs.
Edie.
Look, you check off every box on the list, okay?
- You're perfect on paper. - Ugh.
And in the real world as well.
I guess I'm just realizing for the first time
that what I'm looking for goes beyond the page.
- Does that make sense? - No.
I was perfectly fine with keeping it casual,
but then I felt you leaning in.
- So am I crazy? - No, no.
I'm crazy for not wanting to be with you.
I don't understand it, but it's just how I feel, okay?
And I'm sorry that it's coming out like this.
Oh, you're sorry?
I swear to God, I don't get you young dudes.
I check every box on the list.
I am the list.
Okay, Edie. I'm... I'm sorry.
This has been an unforgivable waste of time.
By the way, your burps always smell like jerky,
and you have the toes of a cadaver.
All right, follow me this way.
Glad everybody is here.
This dorm is, of course, always dry,
except during El Niño when there was in fact
a leak in the roof.
What do you know about leaks?
You sure didn't leak to your girlfriend
that you slept with one of her best friends.
This dorm also offers mental health support to those in need.
Um, if you guys will excuse me for one second.
Enjoy the amenities.
Thank you.
What are you doing?
So last night wasn't the first time
that you and Kiela had sex?
Oh, my God!
When you say "first time," there's, I mean...
Play with me right now so I have even more of a reason
to kick your teeth in.
Okay. Yes, yes.
Last night, was, uh... that was not the first time
that Kiela and I have had sex.
But to be honest, the first time didn't even really count.
You're gonna sleep with someone and not count it?
America math is like their meal portions.
Unbelievable.
Kiela and I hooked up one time
during freshman year orientation,
but I promise you, it was not that deep.
Don't... too easy.
But it was deep enough to keep it a secret.
And neither of you had enough respect for me or my feelings,
to be honest.
I am... I'm so sorry. I have to take this.
It is very important business.
And this isn't?
Yo, broski, is this a bad time?
- It definitely is. - Bet.
So they're down to pay the Squid double.
Yeah, Brock, that sounds nice.
But the Squid cares about how his art is represented.
He doesn't care about money.
To be honest, that's just not how I do business.
Well, that's how my money does business.
We're partners.
You don't trust me?
I can't believe you're having a full conversation
while I'm standing right here.
Okay. You know what? I trust you.
Let's do this. Yeah.
I'm sorry, I...
And I trusted you.
You're a liar.
Look, Annika, to tell you the truth,
I haven't thought about Kiela since that moment.
And the next time it popped in my head,
you guys were already naked.
Well, you should have said something.
I'm kind of surprised that you're this upset about it.
I mean, I get being uncomfortable
- about it in theory. - But?
But we've been broken up for over a month,
and you're coming at me like that's not the case.
You have a lot of growing up to do, Andre.
These are for our intramural basketball team.
We are hope to have Andre as our tour guide.
Well, hope no more.
I am he.
Thought you'd be taller.
Well, I'm like 6'3" in these boots.
Move.
Oh.
- Thank you. - Well, have a good day, guys.
Remember when your arrogant ass thought
the only thing you had to worry about
was Kiela and Annika wanting to wife you after your little tryst?
I know. Annika went off on me for not telling her
Kiela and I had hooked up before.
You were right, I guess.
- Is that what you want to hear? - Mm-hmm.
A drama-free threesome only exists after a music festival
or snowed-in ski weekend with a broken TV.
Otherwise, it's always messy.
But I thought we were drama free.
I don't remember us not being drama free.
But now that I think about it, I...
last night was kind of a balancing act.
Well, I remember that Annika and I were going for round two,
and then Kiela jumped in.
And I was trying to keep things even and everyone happy,
but I guess you're right.
Maybe drama-free threesomes are not a thing.
Thank you.
Hey, wait up.
Um, you guys got a minute to chat?
So I know the last day has been a roller coaster.
But the last thing I want is for things to be weird between us.
Your friendships really mean a lot to me,
and I do not want that to change.
So, Annika,
I know that not telling you about Kiela and me
was the wrong move, and I'm really sorry.
Okay. That's a start.
Kiela? We good?
- Yeah. - Great. Wow.
That went so much better than expected.
But look at us.
We're all evolved human beings and things...
I can't believe we both slept with you.
Oh. So, so sorry.
Business is this.
Get it?
Okay, it rhymed.
Yo, broski, is this a bad time?
Does it matter? How's it going?
Not so hotso, fam.
Everything was all good till the client asked Squid to,
I guess, draw some of the guests.
Wait, like caricatures at the beach?
No, dawg, like actually drawing on the guest.
Like face painting? What?
_
- Uh... - _
Great. Now the Squid is texting me.
This is a nightmare.
My bad, I thought I had it all handled.
Obviously not, Brock!
I... get... okay.
_
I'm sorry, man, do you mind moving?
- This is my thinking seat, so... - Excuse me?
Oh, next drink and app on the house.
- So sorry, man. - Sorry.
- Think away. - Enjoy your beer.
Okay, there it is.
What's wrong, kid?
Well, Edie wanted to make our relationship official,
and I turned her down.
I would smack you in the face,
but I'm working on myself.
Bro, why would you do that?
I mean, you've been complaining about this woman for months.
I know.
Then what changed?
I guess it was when I saw Zoey at the fashion show.
It was like she didn't even care that I was with Edie.
So you would have been hyped
if she acted super crazy and jealous?
I'm not saying she had to go and flip a table over,
but she could have... she could have poured
a glass of wine on me, at least.
- Mm. - Something.
The fact that it bothered me, it just made me realize
that it wouldn't be right to get more serious with Edie.
You know?
Look, if I were you, I'd be sitting down
and coming up with a go-forward plan.
All right? I just think you need to focus
on what you really want so you can move forward.
All right? For real.
- And for you. - I appreciate that.
Of course.
What? Yes.
I like children's yogurt pouches.
You have feelings for Andre.
What are you talking about?
I've been keeping extensive notes on everything
the three of you have been telling me today,
and I think I know what's really going on.
It wasn't that you didn't want Annika to go down on you.
Oh, I think Rome might be too far south for us,
but I love that you wanted to visit.
You were biding your time until Andre got back.
Miss me?
You didn't get up because you had a leg cramp,
Miss Two-Hour Hot Yoga.
I'm just gonna grab a Gatorade
- and stretch out my hip flexor. - Mm-hmm.
You were in your feelings.
Does liking Andre make me a bad person?
No, but it doesn't make things less complicated.
Hello, American General.
Would you like to storm our capital?
Uh, no thank you.
We have leak we'd like you to plug.
Oh, my God.
Oh, Sofia, thank God.
You would not believe what I have been getting into.
I know what I'd like you to get into.
I'm hydrated, and my legs don't cramp.
Rawr.
Sometimes it sucks to be that good at sex.
- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -