1
00:00:13,334 --> 00:00:16,534
 Dennis, have you seen
 my Louisville Slugger?

2
00:00:16,601 --> 00:00:18,467
 Don't you remember
 you were swinging it
 around in your office,

3
00:00:18,534 --> 00:00:21,267
and it slipped
out of your hands
and out the window?

4
00:00:21,334 --> 00:00:22,467
 Doesn't ring a bell.

5
00:00:22,534 --> 00:00:25,167
Oh, come on.
It fell 23 stories,

6
00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:26,968
 went through the roof
 of a gypsy cab

7
00:00:27,033 --> 00:00:30,400
   and gave that German tourist
   a deep thigh bruise?

8
00:00:30,467 --> 00:00:32,267
  Oh, yeah.

9
00:00:32,334 --> 00:00:35,300
   Master race my ass.
   That guy was
   crying like a baby.

10
00:00:37,467 --> 00:00:38,801
   Hey!
 DENNIS: Hey!

11
00:00:38,868 --> 00:00:41,801
 Don't forget,
 softball practice
 this afternoon.

12
00:00:41,868 --> 00:00:43,300
   I didn't know
   we had
   a softball team.

13
00:00:43,367 --> 00:00:45,934
 Yeah, we have our annual game
 against  Cosmo this Saturday.

14
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,801
  I don't remember
  a game last year.

15
00:00:47,868 --> 00:00:52,100
 Well, it was cancelled
 because of a minor
 incident the year before.

16
00:00:52,167 --> 00:00:54,167
 Nina provided protein drinks,

17
00:00:54,234 --> 00:00:56,367
 and we wound up
 calling the game
 because we thought

18
00:00:56,434 --> 00:00:58,467
   the Earth was being
   attacked by
   giant hummingbirds.

19
00:00:58,534 --> 00:01:00,033
  (CHUCKLES)

20
00:01:01,167 --> 00:01:02,434
 What position do you play?

21
00:01:02,501 --> 00:01:04,734
 Catcher. I'm also the manager

22
00:01:05,501 --> 00:01:07,200
 because of the three P's.

23
00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:08,934
Poise, patience

24
00:01:09,734 --> 00:01:11,534
and p'sex appeal.

25
00:01:13,634 --> 00:01:14,968
  So, you in?

26
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:16,334
Think I'll pass.

27
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,100
  Why?

28
00:01:18,167 --> 00:01:20,100
   Ah, competition
   brings out
   the worst in people.

29
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:23,467
   Actually, bike shorts
   bring out
   the worst in people.

30
00:01:23,534 --> 00:01:25,567
  So, what are
  we talking about?
   Softball.

31
00:01:25,634 --> 00:01:27,133
   Oh, you know,
   I play first base.

32
00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:28,234
You're kidding.
You play?

33
00:01:28,300 --> 00:01:30,767
 Oh, she's a natural.
 She's tall,

34
00:01:30,834 --> 00:01:34,234
 she's flexible, and she has
 a knack for digging
 things out of the dirt.

35
00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:36,300
 That third husband,
 for example.

36
00:01:36,367 --> 00:01:40,400
  Was it so wrong to want
  to see him one last time?

37
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,968
   Anyway, I have
   the scouting report
   for  Cosmo.

38
00:01:43,033 --> 00:01:44,434
  Do tell.

39
00:01:44,501 --> 00:01:46,234
   The pitcher's going
   through a messy divorce.

40
00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:48,067
   First baseman's about
   to be downsized,

41
00:01:48,133 --> 00:01:52,567
and the left fielder
needs a pump to get
an erection. Don't ask.

42
00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:54,567
   That's your scouting report?

43
00:01:54,634 --> 00:01:56,334
 It's called
 heckling material.

44
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,000
 It's not about
 winning or losing.

45
00:01:58,067 --> 00:02:00,534
   It's about destroying
   the other guy's self-esteem.

46
00:02:00,601 --> 00:02:02,434
   It's fun.

47
00:02:02,501 --> 00:02:03,834
   See, that's what
   I'm talking about.

48
00:02:03,901 --> 00:02:06,501
I don't like to play
with people who
are overly competitive.

49
00:02:06,567 --> 00:02:09,467
Oh, yeah, I see
what you mean.

50
00:02:09,534 --> 00:02:12,367
  She must really suck.
   Clearly.

51
00:02:12,434 --> 00:02:15,534
  Just stick with me, Maya.
  I know a thing
  or two about the game.

52
00:02:15,601 --> 00:02:18,934
 Oh, it wouldn't be
 a  Blush game without
 Elliott anchoring the defense.

53
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,434
   Way out in deep right field.
   Not too shabby, huh?

54
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,033
  Right field?

55
00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:29,033
He has no idea
how horrible he is.

56
00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:31,667
   Hey, make sure
   I get the right
   game time this year.

57
00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:34,901
 Oh, yeah, right.
 Sorry. Sorry about that.

58
00:02:34,968 --> 00:02:37,267
 Okay, shall we get started?

59
00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:41,634
   I'd like to begin by saying,

60
00:02:41,701 --> 00:02:45,434
   "I guarantee a  Blush
   softball victory this year."

61
00:02:45,501 --> 00:02:48,400
  Ah, Jack, you say that every
  year and every year we lose.

62
00:02:48,467 --> 00:02:51,801
   Last time we won.
   Remember?
   I hit that home run,

63
00:02:51,868 --> 00:02:55,334
   and then I saved the Earth
   from that giant hummingbird.

64
00:02:57,467 --> 00:02:59,968
  Anyway, this is our year.

65
00:03:00,033 --> 00:03:01,534
  Maya, you're playing, right?

66
00:03:01,601 --> 00:03:03,067
 I play right!

67
00:03:04,534 --> 00:03:06,534
Dad, I don't really
want to play.

68
00:03:06,601 --> 00:03:11,000
 I really don't want you to
 play either, but the rules
 state we need two women.

69
00:03:11,067 --> 00:03:13,100
   It's always been my rule.

70
00:03:13,901 --> 00:03:15,501
 Well, I'm not playing.

71
00:03:15,567 --> 00:03:17,667
  We'll see. Anyway,

72
00:03:17,734 --> 00:03:19,934
   I will, once again,
   be pitching.

73
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,701
  Let's face it,
  we want to win.

74
00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:24,601
 Not that we have to win.

75
00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:28,234
At  Blush it's all about
fair play and having fun.

76
00:03:28,300 --> 00:03:30,033
   Yeah.
   ALL: Yeah.

77
00:03:30,100 --> 00:03:32,300
   Okay, first
   order of business.

78
00:03:32,367 --> 00:03:36,767
 Please welcome our new
 Vice President of
 Fabulous Ideas, Steve Garvey.

79
00:03:36,834 --> 00:03:39,767
  Come on out, Steve.
  Please come. Please come.
  That's it.

80
00:03:39,834 --> 00:03:41,534
 Ten-time All-Star.

81
00:04:23,601 --> 00:04:28,501
   ELLIOTT: Springtime.
   Hope. Baseball.

82
00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:32,334
    Through all our turbulent
    times, it's the one thing
    you can always count on.

83
00:04:33,167 --> 00:04:34,767
    Baseball.

84
00:04:34,834 --> 00:04:38,067
 Hey, Clueless Joe,
 your cup goes
 in the front.

85
00:04:39,133 --> 00:04:40,334
  Sorry.

86
00:04:42,601 --> 00:04:44,367
  Nina, leave
  the new guy alone.

87
00:04:44,434 --> 00:04:46,801
 NINA: I'm designing
 new uniforms.

88
00:04:46,868 --> 00:04:49,234
You've already measured
his inseam, twice.

89
00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:51,934
 How dare you?
 I'm a professional and I...

90
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,267
 I resent your implication.

91
00:04:54,334 --> 00:04:55,567
Sorry.

92
00:04:57,334 --> 00:05:00,701
 No, this isn't working.
 You're going to have
 to take your pants off.

93
00:05:01,767 --> 00:05:04,834
All right, everybody.
Gather 'round.

94
00:05:04,901 --> 00:05:07,567
  Let's bring it in.

95
00:05:07,634 --> 00:05:10,467
   Now I know you all
   like to think
   of this as our team,

96
00:05:10,534 --> 00:05:13,200
   but remember,
   this is my team.

97
00:05:13,267 --> 00:05:15,000
  My team.

98
00:05:15,067 --> 00:05:16,901
   I don't ask
   that you love me,

99
00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:19,200
   but I do demand
   your respect.

100
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,868
  Scratch that.
  I ask you to love me.

101
00:05:24,167 --> 00:05:26,701
What's up?
I'm Finch.
The boss.

102
00:05:26,767 --> 00:05:28,834
Okay, we need somebody
to get in the outfield.

103
00:05:28,901 --> 00:05:30,133
I'll do it.
 Anybody.

104
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,501
Over here.
 Anyone at all.

105
00:05:31,567 --> 00:05:33,868
  Hey, new guy,
  can you hit?

106
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,701
   Well, I was
   the National League MVP.

107
00:05:35,767 --> 00:05:38,901
  Yeah, whatever.
  Okay, grab a bat.

108
00:05:38,968 --> 00:05:41,200
  Where's Jack?

109
00:05:41,267 --> 00:05:43,100
 All right,
 we need a pitcher.

110
00:05:43,167 --> 00:05:45,300
 Hey, kid,
 you want to pitch?

111
00:05:46,067 --> 00:05:47,200
 Don't call me "kid."

112
00:05:47,267 --> 00:05:49,100
 Fine.
 You want to pitch?

113
00:05:49,167 --> 00:05:51,200
 You know, I just
 feel that competition...

114
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:54,801
 Oh, blah-biddy-blah.
 If you don't want to play,
 why are you here?

115
00:05:54,868 --> 00:05:56,501
   I always come
   to the park to read.

116
00:05:56,567 --> 00:05:58,267
   There's no book in team.

117
00:05:58,334 --> 00:06:02,067
 Oh, fine. I'll throw around
 your stupid ball until
 my father gets here.

118
00:06:02,133 --> 00:06:04,200
  All right,
  we got a pitcher.

119
00:06:04,267 --> 00:06:06,067
 Hey. Hey, you sure you
 don't want me to pitch?

120
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,934
Get back out there!
All right.

121
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,067
  All right, you need to
  stretch out a little bit?
No, I'm fine.

122
00:06:11,133 --> 00:06:12,133
Is that suede?
That's pretty neat.

123
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,000
 Stop touching me!
  Okay.

124
00:06:14,067 --> 00:06:15,634
 Okay. Let's play ball!

125
00:06:15,701 --> 00:06:18,334
 Hey, batter,
 batter. Swing!

126
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,100
Shut up!
   Okay.

127
00:06:21,334 --> 00:06:23,667
  Maya, just try to
  get it to the plate.

128
00:06:23,734 --> 00:06:25,467
  You could scoot up
  if you have to.

129
00:06:25,534 --> 00:06:27,701
   I don't want to pitch.

130
00:06:27,767 --> 00:06:31,067
  We want a pitcher,
  not a belly itcher!

131
00:06:31,133 --> 00:06:33,901
ALL: We want a pitcher,
not a belly itcher!

132
00:06:33,968 --> 00:06:36,200
  MAYA: I'm not a belly itcher!

133
00:06:38,801 --> 00:06:40,400
  Give me the ball!

134
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:43,367
  I don't think
  you're the right...
  Give me the ball!

135
00:06:49,634 --> 00:06:51,133
  All right-y.

136
00:06:55,067 --> 00:06:59,167
Ah! Oh, my God!

137
00:06:59,234 --> 00:07:02,133
(WHINING) I think
you broke my hand!

138
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:05,267
  Yeah, well, I pitched
  a little in college.

139
00:07:05,334 --> 00:07:07,901
 Seriously, I think
 I'm going to puke.

140
00:07:09,634 --> 00:07:10,868
Rub?

141
00:07:11,501 --> 00:07:13,100
 (CAR HONKING)

142
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,234
 Hey, Dennis,
 cue up my music!

143
00:07:24,868 --> 00:07:26,667
  Huh?

144
00:07:26,734 --> 00:07:30,400
 Well, how am I supposed
 to take the mound without
 hearing  Bad to the Bone?

145
00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:34,767
Ah, actually,
Maya was just pitching.

146
00:07:35,467 --> 00:07:39,000
 Well, isn't that cute?

147
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:41,601
 Thanks, kitten.
 I'd love you to pitch,

148
00:07:41,667 --> 00:07:45,701
  but I've got a big bet
  on the game and we really
  need to win this one.

149
00:07:45,767 --> 00:07:47,667
Yeah. Yeah.
Right. Fine.

150
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,100
   All right.
   Give me the heat.

151
00:08:02,501 --> 00:08:06,667
   Dennis, when you get
   the ball, pick me up
   one of those Eskimo Pies.

152
00:08:14,968 --> 00:08:16,567
  Okay, chest.

153
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,534
   I can wait all day.

154
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,567
  (EXHALES)

155
00:08:25,033 --> 00:08:28,367
Finch, what are you
planning to do about
the pitching situation?

156
00:08:28,434 --> 00:08:30,067
 Yeah, we're
 tired of losing.

157
00:08:30,133 --> 00:08:32,634
I for one do not enjoy
looking like a fool.

158
00:08:32,701 --> 00:08:35,334
Um, you'll have to take
that one up with God.

159
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:39,701
 Our only hope of beating
  Cosmo is if Maya pitches.
 Now you're the manager.

160
00:08:39,767 --> 00:08:42,667
 Yeah. When there's
 dirty work to be done,
 I'm the manager.

161
00:08:42,734 --> 00:08:44,334
 But when I ask you
 to call me Skipper,

162
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,734
   you play keep-away
   with my mitt.

163
00:08:50,334 --> 00:08:52,834
 Hey, how's the old
 throwing arm?

164
00:08:52,901 --> 00:08:55,734
 Terrific. It's like
 I didn't even
 pitch yesterday.

165
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:58,033
Yeah, it really is.

166
00:08:58,100 --> 00:09:01,467
It's a shame you didn't
see Maya on the mound.
She's pretty good.

167
00:09:01,534 --> 00:09:04,534
   Oh, yeah.
   That's my girl.

168
00:09:04,601 --> 00:09:07,901
   In fact, really good.
   You taught her well.

169
00:09:07,968 --> 00:09:09,501
 Actually,
 I never taught her.

170
00:09:09,567 --> 00:09:13,367
She used to play a lot
of catch with Lucita,
our Dominican nanny.

171
00:09:13,434 --> 00:09:17,467
   I tell you, those
   people are born to
   hit the cut-off man.

172
00:09:17,534 --> 00:09:20,000
 Hey, Jack, listen.
 I was thinking,

173
00:09:20,067 --> 00:09:22,634
you know, I'd rather
not play ball.

174
00:09:22,701 --> 00:09:25,267
 It's distracting me
 from my job.

175
00:09:25,334 --> 00:09:26,801
 What the hell are
 you talking about?

176
00:09:26,868 --> 00:09:29,667
 Oh, listen, I got
 some great ideas
 for this magazine.

177
00:09:29,734 --> 00:09:31,400
  No, you don't.

178
00:09:31,467 --> 00:09:34,000
  I do too.

179
00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:37,734
   Hey, listen.
   You just concentrate
   on hitting home runs.

180
00:09:37,801 --> 00:09:40,267
 You know what, I quit.

181
00:09:40,334 --> 00:09:42,400
I can make more money
autographing baseballs.

182
00:09:42,467 --> 00:09:45,334
(LAUGHING) How?
By forging
"Reggie Jackson"?

183
00:09:49,033 --> 00:09:51,300
This is great.

184
00:09:51,367 --> 00:09:53,868
 This is just perfect. Hey!

185
00:09:53,934 --> 00:09:56,300
   Is Pete Rose
   out of jail yet?

186
00:09:57,667 --> 00:10:00,567
  So we're agreed,
  Maya's going to pitch?

187
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:03,234
   What's that?
  The team felt

188
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:06,701
we have a better
chance of winning
if Maya pitches.

189
00:10:06,767 --> 00:10:08,200
   I see.

190
00:10:08,267 --> 00:10:09,868
  But of course,
  you have final say.

191
00:10:09,934 --> 00:10:11,234
   Fine, I'm pitching.

192
00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:13,434
   But you're terrible.

193
00:10:13,501 --> 00:10:18,133
 If I'm so terrible,
 why does everyone
 call me "Mr. Strikeout"?

194
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,634
   'Cause you can't
   hit either.

195
00:10:20,701 --> 00:10:24,067
  Oh, I didn't see
  that one coming.

196
00:10:24,133 --> 00:10:27,367
Look, no one knows
the pride of a champion
more than I do.

197
00:10:27,434 --> 00:10:30,901
 But you have to know
 when to bow out
 gracefully. I did.

198
00:10:30,968 --> 00:10:35,734
   Oh, no. Not that
   cockamamie story
   about ice dancing again.

199
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:38,934
   It's figure skating.
   Ice dancing's for pansies.

200
00:10:42,133 --> 00:10:44,667
   Hey, Elliott, let me
   ask you something.

201
00:10:44,734 --> 00:10:46,234
 You think Maya
 should pitch?

202
00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:49,868
 Oh, I don't know, Jack.
 I was way out in right field.

203
00:10:49,934 --> 00:10:52,567
 Go on, feel free.
 What do you think?

204
00:10:54,367 --> 00:10:56,367
   She seems to have
   a pretty good arm.

205
00:10:56,434 --> 00:10:59,501
   Well, then why
   don't you marry her?

206
00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:02,634
  Oh, speaking of marriage,
  I just heard that
   Cosmo's center fielder

207
00:11:02,701 --> 00:11:05,234
   enjoys wearing his
   wife's naughtiest...

208
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,767
Sorry, you were
yelling at Elliott.

209
00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:10,334
  What's going on?

210
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:13,033
   I understand you put on
   quite a show yesterday.

211
00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:15,400
   Whatever you heard
   was exaggerated.

212
00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:19,801
   I figured as much. They were
   actually insisting you're
   a better pitcher than me.

213
00:11:19,868 --> 00:11:21,267
 I knew it was absurd.

214
00:11:21,334 --> 00:11:23,033
 Yeah, I... Absurd?

215
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,534
 Well, it's not absurd.

216
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:30,701
 Okay, let's see
 what you can do.

217
00:11:32,267 --> 00:11:33,400
   Huh?

218
00:11:33,467 --> 00:11:35,567
Let's see your stuff. Oh...

219
00:11:37,634 --> 00:11:39,901
  Wind took it.

220
00:11:39,968 --> 00:11:42,067
 Dad, I don't... I don't...
 I don't think this is such
 a good idea.

221
00:11:42,133 --> 00:11:48,133
   Why not?
 Because, uh, when I pitch,
 I become a little obsessed.

222
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:49,901
  What does that mean,
  "obsessed"?

223
00:11:49,968 --> 00:11:52,801
   At one point,
   I was practicing
   18 hours a day.

224
00:11:52,868 --> 00:11:54,267
   When?

225
00:11:54,334 --> 00:11:56,701
  At college,
  when I pitched
  for Stanford.

226
00:11:56,767 --> 00:11:59,133
 Oh, yeah, that's
 pretty impressive.

227
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,434
An all-girl team,
I'm assuming?

228
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:03,834
   Get over there.

229
00:12:09,767 --> 00:12:11,267
   (EXHALES)

230
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,701
  Ready?

231
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:16,934
 Oh, I think I can handle it.

232
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:21,501
   Whoa!

233
00:12:28,334 --> 00:12:31,300
   Dennis, call  Cosmo
   and double the bet.

234
00:12:31,367 --> 00:12:33,000
  (CHUCKLING)

235
00:12:45,167 --> 00:12:47,033
 All right, squad,

236
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:50,133
 I just got off the phone
 with my contact at
 the National Weather Service.

237
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,534
 You mean the recording?

238
00:12:52,601 --> 00:12:55,601
   Whatever.
   Look, the storm's
   not letting up,

239
00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:58,767
 so lunchtime practice
 is cancelled.

240
00:12:58,834 --> 00:13:00,634
Hey, Maya, we're
finding you a nickname.

241
00:13:00,701 --> 00:13:02,234
  I don't want a nickname.
  I want to start pitching.

242
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:04,133
  How about "Swifty"?
   "Rocket"?

243
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,434
 "Screamer"?
 Already taken.

244
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,567
   I don't want a nickname.

245
00:13:10,634 --> 00:13:12,067
  Something with
  a little pizzazz.

246
00:13:12,133 --> 00:13:13,567
 How about the
 "Queen of Quick"?

247
00:13:13,634 --> 00:13:14,934
   "Senora Speedball."

248
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,234
  Taken.

249
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:18,701
 Shouldn't we be
 going to practice?

250
00:13:18,767 --> 00:13:20,434
 DENNIS: Not in this weather.

251
00:13:20,501 --> 00:13:23,000
  There's something
  about my shape and
  chemical composition

252
00:13:23,067 --> 00:13:25,734
that makes me
a human lightning rod.

253
00:13:25,801 --> 00:13:27,534
  It's only rain.
  You won't melt.

254
00:13:27,601 --> 00:13:29,734
 Oh, please. That's what
 they told my friend, Binnie.

255
00:13:29,801 --> 00:13:33,601
   You people make me sick!
   You deserve
   to lose every year!

256
00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:35,234
What a nut job.

257
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:37,701
   "Nut job"?
   That's good.
   Write that down.

258
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,400
   What about you, Finch?

259
00:13:42,467 --> 00:13:46,467
I need to pitch,
and you're the best
catcher I've ever seen.

260
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:50,334
Um, nice try, but there's
no way I'm going out
in that rain.

261
00:13:51,834 --> 00:13:54,000
   I'm wearing a white t-shirt.

262
00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:56,734
 Let's play some ball.

263
00:14:01,601 --> 00:14:03,701
 She just kept pitching

264
00:14:03,767 --> 00:14:05,868
and pitching.

265
00:14:05,934 --> 00:14:09,801
 Lightning hit a tree
 20 feet away,
 she didn't even flinch.

266
00:14:09,868 --> 00:14:11,667
 When I said I was tired,

267
00:14:11,734 --> 00:14:14,767
 she just stared at me
 with those dead eyes.

268
00:14:16,234 --> 00:14:18,267
 Her mother had those eyes.

269
00:14:20,501 --> 00:14:22,767
 Jack, Maya's obsessed.

270
00:14:23,834 --> 00:14:25,601
 She's out of control.

271
00:14:25,667 --> 00:14:27,567
  Trust me,
  I know the signs.

272
00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:30,868
Dennis, let's not
get so dramatic.

273
00:14:30,934 --> 00:14:34,300
 It's just a softball game.

274
00:14:34,367 --> 00:14:38,267
 The most important
 softball game ever played.

275
00:14:38,334 --> 00:14:41,133
   I want to win,
   Maya wants to pitch.

276
00:14:41,901 --> 00:14:44,667
End of story.

277
00:14:44,734 --> 00:14:48,300
  Well, then you can
  count me out.
  I won't do that to Maya.

278
00:14:48,367 --> 00:14:51,067
Fine. So I guess you
won't be needing

279
00:14:52,334 --> 00:14:53,467
  this.

280
00:14:57,100 --> 00:15:00,234
 (CHUCKLING) Damn you,
 Jack Gallo! Give me that.

281
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,067
(OBSESSED LAUGHING)

282
00:15:03,033 --> 00:15:05,033
(SHRILL VOICE) Skipper!

283
00:15:13,934 --> 00:15:18,100
   Good afternoon, viewers,
   and what a beautiful day
   to play baseball.

284
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:20,234
 Looks like we're just about
 ready to start the game.

285
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:22,767
  Blush versus  Cosmo.
 The Battle of Titans.

286
00:15:22,834 --> 00:15:25,300
 You got to love it.
 Although, side note,

287
00:15:25,367 --> 00:15:27,934
in a world envisioned
by sci-fi master
Gene Roddenberry,

288
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:32,000
 there would be
 no competition.
 Food for thought.

289
00:15:32,067 --> 00:15:35,501
   ELLIOTT: Okay,
   Elliott, this is it.
   Time to shine.

290
00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:37,601
    Some of these guys
    look pretty green.

291
00:15:37,667 --> 00:15:41,033
  It's your job to show
  them how it's done.
  They look up to you.

292
00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:42,701
   NINA: Heads up!

293
00:15:46,167 --> 00:15:50,701
 Hey, Nina, I need
 to loosen up.
 Throw me a ground ball.

294
00:15:50,767 --> 00:15:54,100
   Oh! Okay,
   now throw me
   an ice pack.

295
00:15:56,634 --> 00:16:01,367
On the mound for  Blush
is Maya Gallo. Or as I like
to call her, "The Flash."

296
00:16:01,434 --> 00:16:03,534
Taken!

297
00:16:03,601 --> 00:16:06,000
  All right,
  first batter.
  Look alive.

298
00:16:06,067 --> 00:16:09,534
Wait, Elliott's on
his back in right field.

299
00:16:09,601 --> 00:16:12,968
I don't think it really
makes a difference.

300
00:16:13,033 --> 00:16:15,901
 Yoo-hoo, batter.
 How's the rehab going?

301
00:16:16,701 --> 00:16:19,234
 Third time's the charm.

302
00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:21,934
   (SNORTING)
   Okay, everybody,
   here we go.

303
00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:36,567
   Nice. Nice.
   Very nice.
   Real nice.

304
00:16:36,634 --> 00:16:38,100
  Okay, now me.

305
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,267
  Nina!

306
00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:46,100
  GLENN: Through six innings,
  Maya Gallo has been perfect.

307
00:16:46,167 --> 00:16:49,601
 Come on. Why don't
 you all take a seat?
 I can strike this joker out.

308
00:16:49,667 --> 00:16:53,000
 GLENN: She makes it hard
 to root for her, doesn't she?

309
00:16:53,067 --> 00:16:56,400
  Look, I want to win
  as much as anyone, but you
  don't have to humiliate them.

310
00:16:56,467 --> 00:16:58,868
 Sorry. It won't happen again.

311
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:00,234
  Let's go.
 MAYA: All right.

312
00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:01,901
  Let's play ball!

313
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:14,734
ALL: (WHOOPING) Go Maya!

314
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:18,467
   Come on, Dad,
   bases loaded!
   Get closer to the plate.

315
00:17:19,501 --> 00:17:20,767
 Closer!

316
00:17:23,901 --> 00:17:26,033
 That a-way!
 Hustle to first!

317
00:17:27,601 --> 00:17:28,934
 ELLIOTT: Jack,
 are you all right?

318
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,734
 MAYA: One run!
 That's all I need!

319
00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:32,834
NINA: Jack, Jack,
can you hear me?

320
00:17:32,901 --> 00:17:35,300
 You are all my bitches!

321
00:17:38,801 --> 00:17:40,968
(GRUNTING) Take her out.

322
00:17:45,567 --> 00:17:47,701
  Hey, good news.
  Your dad's
  vision's clearing up.

323
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:50,901
 I told you never to talk
 to me between innings.

324
00:17:52,334 --> 00:17:54,300
Maya, listen to me.
I'm pulling you out
of the game.

325
00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:56,868
(SCOFFING) Yeah,
you and how many
Green Berets?

326
00:17:56,934 --> 00:17:59,601
  It's over. You're
  out of control.

327
00:17:59,667 --> 00:18:01,567
  How would you know?

328
00:18:01,634 --> 00:18:03,367
  Albany, New York.

329
00:18:03,434 --> 00:18:06,801
 Regional Figure
 Skating Championships.

330
00:18:06,868 --> 00:18:08,534
I just had
the skate of my life.

331
00:18:09,067 --> 00:18:10,367
 Oh.

332
00:18:10,434 --> 00:18:13,367
  (LAUGHING) Thanks.

333
00:18:13,434 --> 00:18:16,734
    DENNIS: Double toe loop,
    triple axel, triple Lutz.

334
00:18:16,801 --> 00:18:19,701
    I was expecting the first
    perfect scores of my life

335
00:18:19,767 --> 00:18:21,701
 when my world caved in.

336
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,634
  (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

337
00:18:25,567 --> 00:18:27,400
    ANNOUNCER: 6.0.

338
00:18:27,467 --> 00:18:29,234
   6.0.

339
00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:30,501
   6.0.

340
00:18:31,601 --> 00:18:33,000
   6.0.

341
00:18:33,067 --> 00:18:34,667
   6.0.

342
00:18:34,734 --> 00:18:36,033
   5.7.

343
00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:37,334
   6.0.

344
00:18:38,067 --> 00:18:39,534
  5.7?

345
00:18:40,367 --> 00:18:42,634
  Five freakin' seven?

346
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,033
 (SCREAMING)

347
00:18:46,567 --> 00:18:48,634
 (SCREAMING) What happened?

348
00:18:50,901 --> 00:18:54,234
 Give me back my youth.
 Give me my childhood!

349
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:55,467
  (CRYING MANIACALLY)

350
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:58,701
You bastard!
What happened?

351
00:19:00,601 --> 00:19:02,734
And I never laced up again.

352
00:19:04,567 --> 00:19:09,067
 But I only have one more
 inning and then I swear,
 I'll never do it again.

353
00:19:09,133 --> 00:19:10,767
   We both know
   it doesn't
   work that way.

354
00:19:10,834 --> 00:19:13,267
  Finch, I'm this close
  to a perfect game.

355
00:19:13,334 --> 00:19:15,701
   It's all I've ever
   wanted my whole life.

356
00:19:15,767 --> 00:19:20,133
  What would you give
  to have another chance
  at a perfect score?

357
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,300
  (SIGHS)

358
00:19:22,367 --> 00:19:24,501
  Hit Me With
  Your Best Shot.

359
00:19:24,567 --> 00:19:28,434
No, that was the song
I skated to that night.

360
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:29,934
   But go get them.
   Thanks!

361
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,300
 Let's do it.

362
00:19:32,367 --> 00:19:34,534
GLENN: Well, this is it,
folks.  Blush is up 1-0,

363
00:19:34,601 --> 00:19:37,467
  and Maya Gallo is
  one batter away
  from a perfect game.

364
00:19:37,534 --> 00:19:40,067
    Cosmo's last chance is...
   Hang on.

365
00:19:40,133 --> 00:19:45,033
 Don't put the kids to bed yet!
 Pinch hitting is none
 other than Steve Garvey.

366
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:47,434
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!

367
00:19:47,501 --> 00:19:48,801
   They got a ringer!

368
00:19:48,868 --> 00:19:52,601
No, no, no. They hired me.
They like my article ideas.

369
00:19:52,667 --> 00:19:54,300
   Like what?

370
00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:58,434
  Supermodels reminisce
  about their most
  powerful orgasm.

371
00:19:58,501 --> 00:20:00,901
  Damn! That's fabulous!

372
00:20:00,968 --> 00:20:03,934
 Hey, we could win this game.
 Just pitch around him.

373
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,067
 No, Dad,
 I'm pitching
 a perfect game.

374
00:20:06,133 --> 00:20:09,334
  Maya, be realistic.
  He's a ten-time All-Star.

375
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:10,834
Hi. Hi. What are we
talking about?

376
00:20:10,901 --> 00:20:12,000
Get back out there.

377
00:20:12,067 --> 00:20:13,234
  Right.

378
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:14,634
 Don't worry.
 I'll take care of this.

379
00:20:14,701 --> 00:20:16,767
 Yoo-hoo, Garvey!

380
00:20:16,834 --> 00:20:21,367
 How does it feel to have
 retired right before baseball
 salaries sky-rocketed?

381
00:20:21,434 --> 00:20:25,367
Hey, Nina, how did
it feel not being asked
to your senior prom?

382
00:20:26,501 --> 00:20:29,167
 (CRYING) Who says
 I even wanted to go?

383
00:20:31,868 --> 00:20:35,033
 Look, it's getting dark.
 Three pitches.
 That's all I need.

384
00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:37,434
 Come on!

385
00:20:37,501 --> 00:20:40,000
All right. Let's get this
pretty boy out and go home.

386
00:20:40,067 --> 00:20:41,467
 Okay.

387
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,434
   GLENN: Garvey up.

388
00:20:45,501 --> 00:20:46,968
   You could cut the tension
   with the shards of
   a shattered coffee mug

389
00:20:47,033 --> 00:20:48,868
  my Nana gave to me.

390
00:20:50,501 --> 00:20:53,267
 The wind-up, and the pitch.

391
00:20:53,334 --> 00:20:58,200
And he hits a pop fly to
right field. This should
just be the game, folks.

392
00:20:58,267 --> 00:21:00,334
   I got it! I got it!

393
00:21:04,601 --> 00:21:06,000
   Come on, catch it.

394
00:21:06,067 --> 00:21:07,434
   (GRUNTING) Catch it!

395
00:21:07,501 --> 00:21:10,300
  Wait a minute.
  I really got it.

396
00:21:12,367 --> 00:21:14,834
Oh, my God.
I think he's got it.

397
00:21:16,934 --> 00:21:20,133
 GLENN: He missed it!
 He missed it! There
 goes the perfect game!

398
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,701
 Oh my!

399
00:21:28,901 --> 00:21:30,501
(YELLING)

400
00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:36,434
Okay, nobody tell her
about the bowling team.

401
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:47,501
 * Life keeps bringing me
 back to you

402
00:21:48,767 --> 00:21:52,334
 * Keeps bringing me home

403
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,434
    * It don't matter
    what I wanna do

404
00:21:55,501 --> 00:22:00,000
    * 'Cause it's got
    a mind of its own

405
00:22:02,300 --> 00:22:06,300
 * Life keeps bringing me
 back to you *