1 00:00:00,701 --> 00:00:03,131 Good afternoon, Greendale community college. 2 00:00:03,256 --> 00:00:07,137 I am your dean with a few corrections to the fall class catalog. 3 00:00:07,566 --> 00:00:10,200 Cosmology should be cosmetology, 4 00:00:10,529 --> 00:00:12,529 astrology should be astronomy, 5 00:00:12,828 --> 00:00:15,097 and the students on the cover should be smiling, 6 00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:16,955 but I suppose that's a matter of opinion. 7 00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:20,711 Whoever is growing a small patch of cannabis behind the gymnasium, 8 00:00:21,198 --> 00:00:23,614 congratulations. You have won a cruise. 9 00:00:23,739 --> 00:00:25,650 Report to security to claim your tickets. 10 00:00:26,865 --> 00:00:28,944 In order to increase awareness of homelessness, 11 00:00:29,113 --> 00:00:31,009 security has been given binoculars. 12 00:00:31,556 --> 00:00:33,018 In campus news, 13 00:00:33,143 --> 00:00:35,993 the debate over our library's PA system continues 14 00:00:36,118 --> 00:00:38,954 with some students suggesting its volume be lowered, 15 00:00:39,218 --> 00:00:41,411 while others question its very purpose. 16 00:00:41,536 --> 00:00:43,780 More on that story as it unfolds. 17 00:00:44,379 --> 00:00:46,587 - He makes a lot of announcements. - I like it, 18 00:00:46,834 --> 00:00:49,173 it makes every ten minutes feel like the beginning of a new scene of a tv show. 19 00:00:49,881 --> 00:00:52,944 Of course, the illusion only lasts until someone says something they'd never say on tv 20 00:00:53,069 --> 00:00:55,388 like how much their life is like tv. There, it's gone. 21 00:00:55,566 --> 00:00:57,390 I guess Jeff's running late again. 22 00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,350 What a shame. We should get started... 23 00:01:00,222 --> 00:01:02,353 We should wait for Jeff before we start studying. 24 00:01:04,770 --> 00:01:06,095 But maybe when Jeff gets here, 25 00:01:06,220 --> 00:01:08,275 we could talk to him as a group about his tardiness. 26 00:01:09,063 --> 00:01:10,611 Don't use that word around Abed. 27 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:14,253 In any case, if you want me to have a chat with Jeff, I'd be happy to do it. 28 00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:17,066 We've got a bond going, kind of. Sorta like brothers. 29 00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:20,287 Hope your mom didn't make you take baths together 'cause one of you would've been 30. 30 00:01:20,667 --> 00:01:21,664 That's funny. 31 00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:24,961 Jeff probably comes late so he doesn't have to sit through your tardiness. 32 00:01:25,689 --> 00:01:26,689 Sorry. 33 00:01:28,356 --> 00:01:30,190 Will you have some self respect? 34 00:01:30,315 --> 00:01:33,092 You're obsessing over someone who does not give you a second thought. 35 00:01:33,698 --> 00:01:37,012 Meanwhile, in Guatemala, journalists are being killed by their own government. 36 00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:39,014 You jumped a column. What's happening there? 37 00:01:39,816 --> 00:01:42,435 - Nothing. - Journalists are being murdered? 38 00:01:43,354 --> 00:01:46,748 Believe me, every day in that country, people are being killed for speaking out. 39 00:01:46,873 --> 00:01:48,733 The worst part of it is when it's over... 40 00:01:49,006 --> 00:01:51,193 - Spoilers. - It 's gonna be as if it would never even happened. 41 00:01:53,690 --> 00:01:56,519 Real stories... They don't have spoilers. 42 00:01:56,644 --> 00:01:59,493 You understand that tv and life are different, right? 43 00:02:04,027 --> 00:02:05,708 - Milady. - Milord. 44 00:02:06,774 --> 00:02:08,457 - Baby. - Sweetie. 45 00:02:08,582 --> 00:02:10,946 - You smell nice. Vitamin P. - Morning, Jeffrey. 46 00:02:11,323 --> 00:02:13,039 People were jazzed to see me too. 47 00:02:13,164 --> 00:02:14,956 - Word 'em up. - Word 'em everywhere. 48 00:02:15,081 --> 00:02:17,172 - Good entrance. - That was for you. 49 00:02:24,843 --> 00:02:27,438 There's something that the group would like to talk to you about. 50 00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:29,506 Actually, there's nothing... 51 00:02:31,143 --> 00:02:34,181 If you're gonna study with people, it would be cool of you to show up on time. 52 00:02:34,306 --> 00:02:35,756 Were you waiting? 53 00:02:39,602 --> 00:02:43,324 talking about your interesting personal lives and your cool emotional problems. 54 00:02:44,189 --> 00:02:45,956 I never have anything to offer. 55 00:02:47,530 --> 00:02:51,220 Truth is my life is emptier than this three-ring binder. 56 00:02:51,866 --> 00:02:54,048 You have any Spanish notes that might fit in there? 57 00:02:55,597 --> 00:02:57,051 Double-spaced. Thank you. 58 00:02:57,657 --> 00:03:00,060 What's a guy got to do to get a C around here? 59 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:03,641 One-liner. 60 00:03:33,330 --> 00:03:35,139 Good studying. See you later. Bye. 61 00:03:37,045 --> 00:03:38,482 You know what today is? 62 00:03:39,059 --> 00:03:41,512 The two-week anniversary of my horrible first impression. 63 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,597 - There's a card for that? - Not specifically, 64 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,221 but if you think of grandsons as a metaphor for friendship, 65 00:03:46,346 --> 00:03:48,594 you'll agree with this transformer here 66 00:03:48,719 --> 00:03:50,746 that it's time for ours to become a man. 67 00:03:50,871 --> 00:03:52,273 By reading from the Torah. 68 00:03:52,739 --> 00:03:55,236 You're harmless enough to me cause a life full of ups and downs 69 00:03:55,361 --> 00:03:58,860 has given me douche-ray vision, but those are good people in there, 70 00:03:58,985 --> 00:04:02,241 and they trust and respect you. Watching you exploit them bums me out. 71 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:05,669 - Exploit them? They're my friends. - You want me to bring your car around? 72 00:04:07,634 --> 00:04:09,918 I don't want you to bring my car around. 73 00:04:10,043 --> 00:04:12,808 I'll bring yours around, good guy. You get going, all right. 74 00:04:13,657 --> 00:04:14,588 You're cute, 75 00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:17,923 but selfish and narcissistic to the point of near delusion. 76 00:04:20,630 --> 00:04:21,792 She said I was cute. 77 00:04:21,917 --> 00:04:24,096 Tell you what, you take her. I have less to prove. 78 00:04:24,561 --> 00:04:27,350 You can't pursue people so desperately. 79 00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:29,105 It starts to creep them out. 80 00:04:29,668 --> 00:04:32,090 Why don't we go get a beer? I'll give you some advice, 81 00:04:32,215 --> 00:04:34,690 and we can have what the kids calls a sausage fest. 82 00:04:35,371 --> 00:04:38,360 I'm not much of a sausage guy. Maybe next time. 83 00:04:39,663 --> 00:04:40,963 Next time, then. 84 00:04:45,307 --> 00:04:48,743 - Will you tell us more about Guatemala? - I never went to a real college. 85 00:04:48,868 --> 00:04:51,502 You should discover that stuff on your own. 86 00:04:51,627 --> 00:04:52,850 But we need your help. 87 00:04:52,975 --> 00:04:55,348 We've been living on the wrong side of the looking glass. 88 00:04:55,473 --> 00:04:57,630 You're like Jodie Foster or Susan Sarandon. 89 00:04:58,051 --> 00:05:01,383 - You'd rather keep it real than be likeable. - Can you at least tell us what to google? 90 00:05:01,552 --> 00:05:04,063 You could start with this journalist Chacata-Panecos. 91 00:05:04,188 --> 00:05:07,671 He wrote an article critical of the government, and they killed him. 92 00:05:07,796 --> 00:05:09,727 - That's horrible. - Can we have a protest? 93 00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:12,322 - I want to protest the hell out of something. - We could have a candlelight vigil 94 00:05:12,447 --> 00:05:15,147 - like lesbians have on the news. - I could make brownies. 95 00:05:17,057 --> 00:05:18,057 Brownies? 96 00:05:18,917 --> 00:05:21,236 Every once in a while, a student come up to me and ask, 97 00:05:21,894 --> 00:05:23,972 "Señor Chang, why do you teach Spanish?" 98 00:05:27,733 --> 00:05:29,257 They say it just like that. 99 00:05:29,669 --> 00:05:31,288 "Why do you teach 100 00:05:31,601 --> 00:05:32,601 Spanish?" 101 00:05:34,048 --> 00:05:35,315 "Why you?" 102 00:05:37,728 --> 00:05:38,878 Why not math? 103 00:05:42,010 --> 00:05:44,019 Why not photography? 104 00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:47,650 Why not martial arts? 105 00:05:48,998 --> 00:05:51,612 I mean, surely it must be in my nature 106 00:05:51,737 --> 00:05:53,637 to instruct you in something 107 00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:55,729 that's ancient and secret 108 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,357 like building a wall that you can see from outer space. 109 00:05:59,307 --> 00:06:01,272 I'll tell you why I teach Spanish. 110 00:06:01,397 --> 00:06:03,597 It is none of your business, okay? 111 00:06:03,926 --> 00:06:06,407 Now, I don't want to have any conversations 112 00:06:06,576 --> 00:06:10,561 about what a mysterious and inscrutable man I am. 113 00:06:15,900 --> 00:06:18,085 I am a Spanish genius! 114 00:06:19,481 --> 00:06:21,484 In español, my nickname is 115 00:06:21,609 --> 00:06:23,772 "El tigre chino"! 116 00:06:27,225 --> 00:06:29,711 'Cause my knowledge will bite her face off! 117 00:06:32,897 --> 00:06:36,040 So don't question señor Chang or you'll get bit. 118 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:38,331 Ya bit. 119 00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:39,720 Ya bit! 120 00:06:45,139 --> 00:06:48,573 Friday mañana, we'll have conversations with the rest of the class 121 00:06:48,698 --> 00:06:50,826 using some of the phrases we learned in unit one. 122 00:06:51,288 --> 00:06:54,513 You'll be partnering up in pairs of dos. 123 00:06:56,674 --> 00:06:58,083 If you look under your desk, 124 00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,878 you'll find a card with either a picture or a word on it. 125 00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:04,533 For ejemplo, blondie aqui 126 00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:07,645 has a card with a picture of a house on it. 127 00:07:07,770 --> 00:07:11,774 So that means the person with the card with the word casa on it is her partner. 128 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,349 Comprende, Star-burns? 129 00:07:17,594 --> 00:07:20,522 See you Friday. Find your partners. Have a great day. 130 00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,973 What do we say at the end of every class? 131 00:07:25,962 --> 00:07:28,210 Come on, hands... 90% of Spanish. 132 00:07:35,933 --> 00:07:37,498 You want to trade cards? 133 00:07:37,894 --> 00:07:39,427 I'll give you 20 bucks. 134 00:07:41,804 --> 00:07:44,505 - 50 bucks. - I don't want your money. Your shirt. 135 00:07:45,269 --> 00:07:47,716 - What? - I've had my eye on it since registrationfirst day. 136 00:07:48,957 --> 00:07:52,096 - Fine. Give me your card. - I want to wear it out of here. 137 00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:57,996 What are the odds? 138 00:07:58,121 --> 00:08:00,311 Are you sure you didn't adjust the odds? 139 00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:03,070 I know Abed's been eyeing that shirt for three weeks. 140 00:08:03,195 --> 00:08:05,958 It's almost like you gave it to him so he would switch cards. 141 00:08:06,083 --> 00:08:09,139 I gave Abed my shirt because I'm not selfish, 142 00:08:09,264 --> 00:08:12,990 which is something you'll finally discover while we are working on this. 143 00:08:13,478 --> 00:08:15,432 Tomorrow night? Dinner, drinks. 144 00:08:15,557 --> 00:08:18,378 I think that's something we should discuss with our partners. 145 00:08:19,091 --> 00:08:21,166 See, I did switch cards. 146 00:08:24,807 --> 00:08:26,981 Can you believe this? What are the odds? 147 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,480 That's a nice shirt. Want to sell it? 148 00:08:33,176 --> 00:08:35,055 What's the moist towelette industry like? 149 00:08:35,707 --> 00:08:37,822 Believe me, it's nothing like the product. 150 00:08:38,207 --> 00:08:40,978 It's a hard, dry, large business. 151 00:08:41,342 --> 00:08:42,729 Destroyed all my marriages. 152 00:08:42,898 --> 00:08:46,066 It didn't help I can't have children. I'm not sterile. 153 00:08:46,269 --> 00:08:49,375 In fact, it's a rare condition they call "hyper-virility". 154 00:08:50,194 --> 00:08:53,762 Apparently my sperm shoot through the egg like bullets. 155 00:08:53,887 --> 00:08:55,767 - Can you believe that? - I can't. 156 00:08:55,892 --> 00:08:57,411 But you can, so that's fine. 157 00:08:57,909 --> 00:08:59,192 The assignment is 158 00:08:59,317 --> 00:09:02,374 to write a Spanish conversation using those five phrases. 159 00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:06,253 Hemingway's lemonade. 160 00:09:07,393 --> 00:09:10,465 - No need to make it a long evening... - Am I a piece of garbage to you? 161 00:09:11,267 --> 00:09:12,035 What? 162 00:09:15,979 --> 00:09:16,979 Got ya. 163 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,613 Let's have one drink before we work. 164 00:09:27,409 --> 00:09:28,901 To the "empowerage" of words. 165 00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:31,403 To the irony of that sentence. 166 00:09:34,208 --> 00:09:37,075 So what's up with you, Jeffrey? Seems like you got a burr up your ass. 167 00:09:40,270 --> 00:09:41,970 I guess that it's... 168 00:09:42,095 --> 00:09:43,624 - It's Britta. - Forget her. 169 00:09:43,869 --> 00:09:47,051 You just have to know her name. What is she, a water filter? 170 00:09:47,430 --> 00:09:48,378 She's ugly. 171 00:09:51,519 --> 00:09:54,009 - Why don't we start with me saying... - What are you doing? 172 00:09:55,445 --> 00:09:56,695 Our assignment. 173 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:01,016 This is the first time people'll see Winger and Hawthorne together. 174 00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:03,268 We show them we're a force to be reckoned with. 175 00:10:03,607 --> 00:10:05,979 Come on, let's brainstorm some story ideas. 176 00:10:08,529 --> 00:10:11,533 Better yet, before we do that, let's ask ourselves... 177 00:10:13,924 --> 00:10:16,374 - What is a story? - My God in heaven. 178 00:10:25,818 --> 00:10:28,210 Like that brownie, you'll hate what's up on in Guatemala. 179 00:10:28,655 --> 00:10:29,655 Google it. 180 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:32,404 Raise the truth. 181 00:10:33,398 --> 00:10:34,519 Once it gets dark, 182 00:10:34,644 --> 00:10:37,427 I hand out the candles and we do a speechless protest. 183 00:10:37,766 --> 00:10:39,179 We put tape over our mouths, 184 00:10:39,358 --> 00:10:42,432 and gather hand-in-hand in a sea of outraged silence. 185 00:10:51,766 --> 00:10:54,069 - What with you? - This ain't how you do this. 186 00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:56,613 We know it's not how you do it cause we're doing everything. 187 00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,431 But this is tacky and lame. 188 00:11:00,055 --> 00:11:01,303 I didn't mean that. 189 00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:02,744 I'm sorry. 190 00:11:02,936 --> 00:11:04,312 What I meant to say 191 00:11:04,437 --> 00:11:06,819 is that this cause is really personal to me. 192 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:10,460 Are you saying that we're not allowed to protest? 193 00:11:12,369 --> 00:11:15,381 - You sound like Guatemala. - Somebody has a case of 194 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,929 "likes to use French politics to make themselves special, 195 00:11:18,054 --> 00:11:20,429 "but doesn't actually ever want to do anything-itis." 196 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:21,697 I do things. 197 00:11:22,774 --> 00:11:23,874 I went to... 198 00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,040 I don't do anything. 199 00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:31,565 What can I do? 200 00:11:33,532 --> 00:11:35,319 You hang the Chacata-Panecos piñata. 201 00:11:35,899 --> 00:11:38,196 You guys realize he was beaten to death, right? 202 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,138 That's where we got the idea from. 203 00:11:40,263 --> 00:11:41,263 Poignant. 204 00:11:47,813 --> 00:11:50,481 - Tell me what I've got so far. - What we have so far? 205 00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,465 We have something incredibly long, 206 00:11:53,590 --> 00:11:55,881 and very confusing, and a little homophobic. 207 00:11:56,455 --> 00:11:58,298 And really, really, specifically, 208 00:11:58,423 --> 00:12:01,136 surprisingly, and gratuitously critical of Israel. 209 00:12:01,798 --> 00:12:04,206 It's called "two conquistadors", should probably be "dos". 210 00:12:04,331 --> 00:12:05,989 I mean, it is a Spanish class. 211 00:12:06,114 --> 00:12:09,185 Which reminds me, the only thing not included in this 212 00:12:09,310 --> 00:12:12,689 are the five phrases required to get me a passing grade. 213 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,901 You're right. Needs more work. 214 00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:18,320 - What're you guys doing? - I have no idea. 215 00:12:18,704 --> 00:12:20,697 - We head to the demonstration. - Hippies? 216 00:12:20,866 --> 00:12:23,954 - Some cause Britta's into. - A silent protest. Lots of candles. 217 00:12:24,079 --> 00:12:26,638 Gets the ladies in the mood for social change. 218 00:12:26,763 --> 00:12:30,613 - A chance to put miles on this shirt. - Conversations are due in the morning. 219 00:12:32,978 --> 00:12:33,829 Right. 220 00:12:36,079 --> 00:12:37,323 What do you want to do? 221 00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:48,642 Hacks. 222 00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:52,646 What do we do about the ending of act two? 223 00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:54,548 I tell you what we're gonna do. 224 00:12:54,979 --> 00:12:58,777 We gonna take this, and we gonna put it in a museum for crazy people. 225 00:12:59,580 --> 00:13:01,080 Then we're gonna take this, 226 00:13:01,205 --> 00:13:05,020 and memorize five phrases from it tomorrow morning before class. 227 00:13:05,145 --> 00:13:07,195 - Good night. - Wait a minute. 228 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,456 You're bailing on our first sausage fest? 229 00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:11,772 This is your definition of friendship? 230 00:13:11,897 --> 00:13:14,989 This is my definition of you trying way too hard, 231 00:13:15,114 --> 00:13:17,892 and me finding it harder and harder to stay polite. 232 00:13:18,017 --> 00:13:20,799 Now this was a fine enough way to spend an evening devoid of hope, 233 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,759 but a woman I kind of like 234 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:25,627 is out there caring about something stupid, 235 00:13:25,854 --> 00:13:29,858 and this is my chance to show her I care enough to act like I care too. 236 00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:32,897 - That's all you had to say. - That was it? 237 00:13:33,022 --> 00:13:35,814 That would've been great if I had done that two hours ago! 238 00:14:18,712 --> 00:14:19,566 Nice sign. 239 00:14:21,649 --> 00:14:23,442 I like what you've done with the place. 240 00:14:25,328 --> 00:14:27,329 I think I was a little too harsh on you. 241 00:14:27,454 --> 00:14:28,754 I'm not perfect. 242 00:14:29,704 --> 00:14:32,162 I am. I'd be happy to show you the ropes. 243 00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:33,620 Awesome! 244 00:14:34,578 --> 00:14:37,501 Look at awesome Jeffrey Winger. 245 00:14:37,767 --> 00:14:40,196 Too awesome for old Pierce 246 00:14:40,321 --> 00:14:41,929 with your hip shirts, 247 00:14:42,875 --> 00:14:44,382 and your gelled hair, 248 00:14:44,996 --> 00:14:46,248 and your cool 249 00:14:46,613 --> 00:14:48,163 tape over your mouth. 250 00:14:49,414 --> 00:14:51,389 Why are you wearing tape over their mouth? 251 00:14:51,894 --> 00:14:53,099 It's a protest. 252 00:14:53,581 --> 00:14:54,377 Good. 253 00:14:54,890 --> 00:14:56,891 Cause I know what I'd like to protest... 254 00:14:57,016 --> 00:14:58,327 How much you hurt me. 255 00:14:58,452 --> 00:15:02,016 Conflicts like these will ultimately bring us together as an unlikely family. 256 00:15:02,141 --> 00:15:05,899 - You have horrible breath right now. - You constantly blow me off, 257 00:15:06,024 --> 00:15:07,447 you want me to do your homework, 258 00:15:07,937 --> 00:15:11,368 you tell me I'm trying too hard to be your friend so you have to go. 259 00:15:11,686 --> 00:15:14,097 You have to come out here to pretend 260 00:15:14,222 --> 00:15:17,415 to care about the stupid stuff she cares about. 261 00:15:17,728 --> 00:15:20,502 - His words, not mine. - He is paraphrasing. 262 00:15:21,066 --> 00:15:22,391 Pierce, I got an idea. 263 00:15:22,516 --> 00:15:23,694 Get a coffee, 264 00:15:23,818 --> 00:15:26,633 hold some waitress hostage with a monologue about your sperm. 265 00:15:27,002 --> 00:15:29,104 I'll show you some sperm, buddy. 266 00:15:29,505 --> 00:15:32,514 Was this your idea? What the hell? Fire. 267 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,393 I'm not ready to die. 268 00:15:39,233 --> 00:15:41,250 He's jumped in the fountain. 269 00:15:41,954 --> 00:15:42,954 He's fine. 270 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:51,453 - Have you seen it? - We did it, girl... Page three. 271 00:15:51,578 --> 00:15:53,765 Mostly about Pierce, but listen to last paragraph. 272 00:15:53,890 --> 00:15:57,141 "The incident occurred during a protest regarding events in Guatemala." 273 00:15:57,266 --> 00:15:59,142 - Awareness! - It's not the school paper. 274 00:15:59,267 --> 00:16:01,418 It's a real paper, there's a marmaduke in there. 275 00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:03,461 It's more than I ever accomplished. 276 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,505 You know about the ethnic cleansing in Burma? 277 00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:07,624 Need to bust out brownie mix. 278 00:16:12,518 --> 00:16:13,518 Morning. 279 00:16:16,359 --> 00:16:18,762 I get it. Garfield's wishing me a happy Arbor Day, 280 00:16:18,887 --> 00:16:20,729 - You'd like a fresh start. - Nice try. 281 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:24,378 It's secretary's day, and it says I'm sorry about crashing your protest 282 00:16:24,503 --> 00:16:26,735 with that drunken, self-immolating baby boomer. 283 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:29,267 We don't blame you. He has always been on my watch list. 284 00:16:29,392 --> 00:16:31,894 That dude is crazy... He told me girls have two pee holes. 285 00:16:32,019 --> 00:16:34,201 I sang Christmas carols at a nursing home once. 286 00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:37,454 I've seen the face of dementia, and last night I saw it again. 287 00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:40,660 You know what he did that's really crazy? 288 00:16:41,639 --> 00:16:45,032 He offered me $100 to switch cards with him 289 00:16:45,157 --> 00:16:47,339 just so he could be partners with Jeff. 290 00:16:47,953 --> 00:16:51,578 He thought getting closer to Jeff would bring him respect in the group. 291 00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:55,138 I think he spent his whole life looking out for himself 292 00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:58,849 and he would trade it all for a shot at some kind of family. 293 00:17:08,218 --> 00:17:09,694 Time for our presentations. 294 00:17:09,951 --> 00:17:12,444 First up was supposed to be Jeff and Pierce, 295 00:17:12,569 --> 00:17:14,716 but Pierce explained the situation. 296 00:17:14,841 --> 00:17:18,702 Apparently there was a falling out, things were said, people were betrayed. 297 00:17:20,418 --> 00:17:22,540 Jeff, having heard Pierce's side of the story, 298 00:17:23,232 --> 00:17:25,835 the only humane thing to do would be to give you a C 299 00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:29,058 and let him do his presentation alone, if that sounds fair to you. 300 00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:36,861 That doesn't sound fair to me at all. 301 00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,808 I understand if you don't want to be my friend, 302 00:17:40,087 --> 00:17:41,643 but this thing we've created... 303 00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:44,259 It is bigger than the both of us, 304 00:17:44,384 --> 00:17:47,049 and it deserves to be done right. 305 00:17:49,755 --> 00:17:50,755 All right. 306 00:17:54,389 --> 00:17:57,164 Why are there costumes involved? These are short conversations, 307 00:17:57,289 --> 00:17:59,619 - they're not supposed to take... - Your breath away? 308 00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:02,080 Well, tough. 309 00:18:03,078 --> 00:18:04,266 You ready, amigo? 310 00:19:27,705 --> 00:19:28,513 F. 311 00:19:29,113 --> 00:19:29,918 F-minus. 312 00:19:30,744 --> 00:19:31,744 What? 313 00:19:33,261 --> 00:19:34,589 Did you say S? 314 00:19:38,939 --> 00:19:39,680 So. 315 00:19:41,352 --> 00:19:43,598 That was one of the worst things I have ever seen, 316 00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:47,448 which I guess makes being a part of it a pretty selfless act, 317 00:19:47,573 --> 00:19:49,027 so I'm impressed. 318 00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:52,353 How do you know I didn't do it just to get another shot at you? 319 00:19:52,478 --> 00:19:54,367 Cause a smart guy like you would know 320 00:19:54,492 --> 00:19:57,957 no woman would be able to look at you as a sexually viable candidate 321 00:19:58,082 --> 00:19:59,072 ever again. 322 00:20:01,508 --> 00:20:02,450 No, I know. 323 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:03,861 I thought of that. 324 00:20:05,199 --> 00:20:06,499 She looked back. 325 00:20:09,995 --> 00:20:12,795 You did an all right job up there, my friend. 326 00:20:13,457 --> 00:20:17,272 You got this thing you do with your face when you're trying to be funny 327 00:20:17,397 --> 00:20:20,997 that forces people to think about how cool you think you are. 328 00:20:38,159 --> 00:20:40,755 Where is the library 329 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,347 My name is T-Bone the disco spider. 330 00:20:43,472 --> 00:20:46,130 Disco, doll, the library 331 00:20:46,255 --> 00:20:48,873 is in big mustache, dog, lard 332 00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:51,504 Lard, mustache, huge, little 333 00:20:51,629 --> 00:20:54,465 head is ice cream, beer is good 334 00:20:54,590 --> 00:20:57,087 Good day, I like cold potatoes, 335 00:20:57,212 --> 00:21:00,026 the goat's mustache is Cameron Diaz. 336 00:21:03,449 --> 00:21:04,397 It's 2009. 337 00:21:04,803 --> 00:21:05,635 Word.