1 00:00:01,701 --> 00:00:04,131 Good afternoon, Greendale community college. 2 00:00:04,256 --> 00:00:08,137 I am your dean with a few corrections to the fall class catalog. 3 00:00:08,566 --> 00:00:11,200 Cosmology should be cosmetology, 4 00:00:11,529 --> 00:00:13,529 astrology should be astronomy, 5 00:00:13,828 --> 00:00:16,097 and the students on the cover should be smiling, 6 00:00:16,265 --> 00:00:17,955 but I suppose that's a matter of opinion. 7 00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:21,711 Whoever is growing a small patch of cannabis behind the gymnasium, 8 00:00:22,198 --> 00:00:24,614 congratulations. You have won a cruise. 9 00:00:24,739 --> 00:00:26,650 Report to security to claim your tickets. 10 00:00:27,865 --> 00:00:29,944 In order to increase awareness of homelessness, 11 00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:32,009 security has been given binoculars. 12 00:00:32,556 --> 00:00:34,018 In campus news, 13 00:00:34,143 --> 00:00:36,993 the debate over our library's PA system continues 14 00:00:37,118 --> 00:00:39,954 with some students suggesting its volume be lowered, 15 00:00:40,218 --> 00:00:42,411 while others question its very purpose. 16 00:00:42,536 --> 00:00:44,780 More on that story as it unfolds. 17 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,587 - He makes a lot of announcements. - I like it, 18 00:00:47,834 --> 00:00:50,173 it makes every ten minutes feel like the beginning of a new scene of a tv show. 19 00:00:50,881 --> 00:00:53,944 Illusion only lasts until someone says something they'd never say on tv 20 00:00:54,069 --> 00:00:56,388 like how much their life is like tv. There, it's gone. 21 00:00:56,566 --> 00:00:58,390 I guess Jeff's running late again. 22 00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:00,350 What a shame. We should get started... 23 00:01:01,222 --> 00:01:03,353 We should wait for Jeff before we start studying. 24 00:01:05,770 --> 00:01:07,095 But maybe when Jeff gets here, 25 00:01:07,220 --> 00:01:09,275 we could talk to him as a group about his tardiness. 26 00:01:10,063 --> 00:01:11,611 Don't use that word around Abed. 27 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,253 In any case, if you want me to have a chat with Jeff, I'd be happy to do it. 28 00:01:15,378 --> 00:01:18,066 We've got a bond going, kind of. Sorta like brothers. 29 00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:21,287 Hope your mom didn't make you take baths together 'cause one of you would've been 30. 30 00:01:21,667 --> 00:01:22,664 That's funny. 31 00:01:22,832 --> 00:01:25,961 Jeff probably comes late not to sit through your tardiness. 32 00:01:26,689 --> 00:01:27,689 Sorry. 33 00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:31,190 Will you have some self respect? 34 00:01:31,315 --> 00:01:34,092 You're obsessing over someone who does not give you a second thought. 35 00:01:34,698 --> 00:01:38,012 Meanwhile, in Guatemala, journalists are being killed by their own government. 36 00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,014 You jumped a column. What's happening there? 37 00:01:40,816 --> 00:01:43,435 - Nothing. - Journalists are being murdered? 38 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:47,748 Believe me, every day in that country, people are being killed for speaking out. 39 00:01:47,873 --> 00:01:49,733 The worst part of it is when it's over... 40 00:01:50,006 --> 00:01:52,193 - Spoilers. - It's gonna be as if it would never even happened. 41 00:01:54,690 --> 00:01:57,519 Real stories... They don't have spoilers. 42 00:01:57,644 --> 00:02:00,493 You understand that tv and life are different, right? 43 00:02:05,027 --> 00:02:06,708 - Milady. - Milord. 44 00:02:07,774 --> 00:02:09,457 - Baby. - Sweetie. 45 00:02:09,582 --> 00:02:11,946 - You smell nice. Vitamin P. - Morning, Jeffrey. 46 00:02:12,323 --> 00:02:14,039 People were jazzed to see me too. 47 00:02:14,164 --> 00:02:15,956 - Word 'em up. - Word 'em everywhere. 48 00:02:16,081 --> 00:02:18,172 - Good entrance. - That was for you. 49 00:02:25,843 --> 00:02:28,438 There's something that the group would like to tell you talk to you about. 50 00:02:28,606 --> 00:02:30,506 Actually, there's nothing... 51 00:02:32,143 --> 00:02:35,181 If you're gonna study with people, it would be cool of you to show up on time. 52 00:02:35,306 --> 00:02:36,756 Were you waiting? 53 00:02:37,515 --> 00:02:40,477 - I just got here. - Cause you usually spend 20 minutes 54 00:02:40,602 --> 00:02:44,324 talking about your interesting personal lives and your cool emotional problems. 55 00:02:45,189 --> 00:02:46,956 I never have anything to offer. 56 00:02:48,530 --> 00:02:52,220 Truth is my life is emptier than this three-ring binder. 57 00:02:52,866 --> 00:02:55,048 You have any Spanish notes that might fit in there? 58 00:02:56,597 --> 00:02:58,051 Double-spaced. Thank you. 59 00:02:58,657 --> 00:03:01,060 What's a guy got to do to get a C around here? 60 00:03:03,599 --> 00:03:04,641 One-liner. 61 00:03:34,330 --> 00:03:36,139 Good studying. See you later. Bye. 62 00:03:38,045 --> 00:03:39,482 You know what today is? 63 00:03:40,059 --> 00:03:42,512 The two-week anniversary of my horrible first impression. 64 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,597 - There's a card for that? - Not specifically, 65 00:03:44,765 --> 00:03:47,221 but if you think of grandsons as a metaphor for friendship, 66 00:03:47,346 --> 00:03:49,594 you'll agree with this transformer here 67 00:03:49,719 --> 00:03:51,746 that it's time for ours to become a man. 68 00:03:51,871 --> 00:03:53,273 By reading from the Torah. 69 00:03:53,739 --> 00:03:56,236 You're harmless enough to me cause a life full of ups and downs 70 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:59,860 has given me douche-ray vision, but those are good people in there, 71 00:03:59,985 --> 00:04:03,241 and they trust and respect you. Watching you exploit them bums me out. 72 00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:06,669 - Exploit them? They're my friends. - You want me to bring your car around? 73 00:04:08,634 --> 00:04:10,918 I don't want you to bring my car around. 74 00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:13,808 I'll bring yours around, good guy. You get going, all right. 75 00:04:14,657 --> 00:04:15,588 You're cute, 76 00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:18,923 but selfish and narcissistic to the point of near delusion. 77 00:04:21,630 --> 00:04:22,792 She said I was cute. 78 00:04:22,917 --> 00:04:25,096 Tell you what, you take her. I have less to prove. 79 00:04:25,561 --> 00:04:28,350 You can't pursue people so desperately. 80 00:04:28,475 --> 00:04:30,105 It starts to creep them out. 81 00:04:30,668 --> 00:04:33,090 Why don't we go get a beer? I'll give you some advice, 82 00:04:33,215 --> 00:04:35,690 and we can have what the kids calls a sausage fest. 83 00:04:36,371 --> 00:04:39,360 I'm not much of a sausage guy. Maybe next time. 84 00:04:40,663 --> 00:04:41,963 Next time, then. 85 00:04:46,307 --> 00:04:49,743 - Will you tell us more about Guatemala? - I never went to a real college. 86 00:04:49,868 --> 00:04:52,502 You should discover that stuff on your own. 87 00:04:52,627 --> 00:04:53,850 But we need your help. 88 00:04:53,975 --> 00:04:56,348 We've been living on the wrong side of the looking glass. 89 00:04:56,473 --> 00:04:58,630 You're like Jodie Foster or Susan Sarandon. 90 00:04:59,051 --> 00:05:02,383 - You'd rather keep it real than be likeable. - Can you at least tell us what to google? 91 00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:05,063 You could start with this journalist Chacata-Panecos. 92 00:05:05,188 --> 00:05:08,671 He wrote an article critical of the government, and they killed him. 93 00:05:08,796 --> 00:05:10,727 - That's horrible. - Can we have a protest? 94 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:13,322 - I want to protest the hell out of something. - We could have a candlelight vigil 95 00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:16,147 - like lesbians have on the news. - I could make brownies. 96 00:05:18,057 --> 00:05:19,057 Brownies? 97 00:05:19,917 --> 00:05:22,236 Every once in a while, a student come up to me and ask, 98 00:05:22,894 --> 00:05:24,972 "Señor Chang, why do you teach Spanish?" 99 00:05:28,733 --> 00:05:30,257 They say it just like that. 100 00:05:30,669 --> 00:05:32,288 "Why do you teach 101 00:05:32,601 --> 00:05:33,601 Spanish?" 102 00:05:35,048 --> 00:05:36,315 "Why you?" 103 00:05:38,728 --> 00:05:39,878 Why not math? 104 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,019 Why not photography? 105 00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:48,650 Why not martial arts? 106 00:05:49,998 --> 00:05:52,612 I mean, surely it must be in my nature 107 00:05:52,737 --> 00:05:54,637 to instruct you in something 108 00:05:54,895 --> 00:05:56,729 that's ancient and secret 109 00:05:56,897 --> 00:05:59,357 like building a wall that you can see from outer space. 110 00:06:00,307 --> 00:06:02,272 I'll tell you why I teach Spanish. 111 00:06:02,397 --> 00:06:04,597 It is none of your business, okay? 112 00:06:04,926 --> 00:06:07,407 Now, I don't want to have any conversations 113 00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:11,561 about what a mysterious and inscrutable man I am. 114 00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:19,085 I am a Spanish genius! 115 00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:22,484 In español, my nickname is 116 00:06:22,609 --> 00:06:24,772 "El tigre chino"! 117 00:06:28,225 --> 00:06:30,711 'Cause my knowledge will bite her face off! 118 00:06:33,897 --> 00:06:37,040 So don't question señor Chang or you'll get bit. 119 00:06:38,522 --> 00:06:39,331 Ya bit. 120 00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:40,720 Ya bit! 121 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:49,573 Friday mañana, we'll have conversations with the rest of the class 122 00:06:49,698 --> 00:06:51,826 using some of the phrases we learned in unit one. 123 00:06:52,288 --> 00:06:55,513 You'll be partnering up in pairs of dos. 124 00:06:57,674 --> 00:06:59,083 If you look under your desk, 125 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,878 you'll find a card with either a picture or a word on it. 126 00:07:03,522 --> 00:07:05,533 For ejemplo, blondie aqui 127 00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:08,645 has a card with a picture of a house on it. 128 00:07:08,770 --> 00:07:12,774 So that means the person with the card with the word casa on it is her partner. 129 00:07:13,265 --> 00:07:15,349 Comprende, Star-burns? 130 00:07:18,594 --> 00:07:21,522 See you Friday. Find your partners. Have a great day. 131 00:07:21,690 --> 00:07:23,973 What do we say at the end of every class? 132 00:07:26,962 --> 00:07:29,210 Come on, hands... 90% of Spanish. 133 00:07:36,933 --> 00:07:38,498 You want to trade cards? 134 00:07:38,894 --> 00:07:40,427 I'll give you 20 bucks. 135 00:07:42,804 --> 00:07:45,505 - 50 bucks. - I don't want your money. Your shirt. 136 00:07:46,269 --> 00:07:46,492 What? 137 00:07:46,493 --> 00:07:48,716 I've had my eye on it since registration first day. 138 00:07:49,957 --> 00:07:53,096 - Fine. Give me your card. - I want to wear it out of here. 139 00:07:57,333 --> 00:07:58,996 What are the odds? 140 00:07:59,121 --> 00:08:01,311 Are you sure you didn't adjust the odds? 141 00:08:01,436 --> 00:08:04,070 I know Abed's been eyeing that shirt for three weeks. 142 00:08:04,195 --> 00:08:06,958 It's almost like you gave it to him so he would switch cards. 143 00:08:07,083 --> 00:08:10,139 I gave Abed my shirt because I'm not selfish, 144 00:08:10,264 --> 00:08:13,990 which is something you'll finally discover while we are working on this. 145 00:08:14,478 --> 00:08:16,432 Tomorrow night? Dinner, drinks. 146 00:08:16,557 --> 00:08:19,378 I think that's something we should discuss with our partners. 147 00:08:20,091 --> 00:08:22,166 See, I did switch cards. 148 00:08:25,807 --> 00:08:27,981 Can you believe this? What are the odds? 149 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:31,480 That's a nice shirt. Want to sell it? 150 00:08:35,376 --> 00:08:37,255 What's the moist towelette industry like? 151 00:08:37,907 --> 00:08:40,022 Believe me, it's nothing like the product. 152 00:08:40,407 --> 00:08:43,178 It's a hard, dry, large business. 153 00:08:43,542 --> 00:08:44,929 Destroyed all my marriages. 154 00:08:45,098 --> 00:08:48,266 It didn't help I can't have children. I'm not sterile. 155 00:08:48,469 --> 00:08:51,575 In fact, it's a rare condition they call "hyper-virility". 156 00:08:52,394 --> 00:08:55,962 Apparently my sperm shoot through the egg like bullets. 157 00:08:56,087 --> 00:08:57,967 - Can you believe that? - I can't. 158 00:08:58,092 --> 00:08:59,611 But you can, so that's fine. 159 00:09:00,109 --> 00:09:01,392 The assignment is 160 00:09:01,517 --> 00:09:04,574 to write a Spanish conversation using those five phrases. 161 00:09:06,912 --> 00:09:08,453 Hemingway's lemonade. 162 00:09:09,593 --> 00:09:12,665 - No need to make it a long evening... - Am I a piece of garbage to you? 163 00:09:13,467 --> 00:09:14,235 What? 164 00:09:18,179 --> 00:09:19,179 Got ya. 165 00:09:20,925 --> 00:09:22,813 Let's have one drink before we work. 166 00:09:29,609 --> 00:09:31,101 To the "empowerage" of words. 167 00:09:31,603 --> 00:09:33,603 To the irony of that sentence. 168 00:09:36,408 --> 00:09:39,275 So what's up with you, Jeffrey? Seems like you got a burr up your ass. 169 00:09:42,470 --> 00:09:44,170 I guess that it's... 170 00:09:44,295 --> 00:09:45,824 - It's Britta. - Forget her. 171 00:09:46,069 --> 00:09:49,251 You just have to know her name. What is she, a water filter? 172 00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:50,578 She's ugly. 173 00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:56,209 - Why don't we start with me saying... - What are you doing? 174 00:09:57,645 --> 00:09:58,895 Our assignment. 175 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:03,216 This is the first time people'll see Winger and Hawthorne together. 176 00:10:03,384 --> 00:10:05,468 We show them we're a force to be reckoned with. 177 00:10:05,807 --> 00:10:08,179 Come on, let's brainstorm some story ideas. 178 00:10:10,729 --> 00:10:13,733 Better yet, before we do that, let's ask ourselves... 179 00:10:16,124 --> 00:10:18,574 - What is a story? - My God in heaven. 180 00:10:28,018 --> 00:10:30,410 Like that brownie, you'll hate what's up on in Guatemala. 181 00:10:30,855 --> 00:10:31,855 Google it. 182 00:10:33,539 --> 00:10:34,604 Raise the truth. 183 00:10:35,598 --> 00:10:36,719 Once it gets dark, 184 00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:39,627 I hand out the candles and we do a speechless protest. 185 00:10:39,966 --> 00:10:41,379 We put tape over our mouths, 186 00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:44,632 and gather hand-in-hand in a sea of outraged silence. 187 00:10:53,966 --> 00:10:56,269 - What with you? - This ain't how you do this. 188 00:10:56,437 --> 00:10:58,813 We know it's not how you do it cause we're doing everything. 189 00:10:58,981 --> 00:11:00,631 But this is tacky and lame. 190 00:11:02,255 --> 00:11:03,503 I didn't mean that. 191 00:11:03,944 --> 00:11:04,944 I'm sorry. 192 00:11:05,136 --> 00:11:06,512 What I meant to say 193 00:11:06,637 --> 00:11:09,019 is that this cause is really personal to me. 194 00:11:09,367 --> 00:11:12,660 Are you saying that we're not allowed to protest? 195 00:11:14,569 --> 00:11:17,581 - You sound like Guatemala. - Somebody has a case of 196 00:11:17,750 --> 00:11:20,129 "likes to use French politics to make themselves special, 197 00:11:20,254 --> 00:11:22,629 "but doesn't actually ever want to do anything-itis." 198 00:11:22,797 --> 00:11:23,897 I do things. 199 00:11:24,974 --> 00:11:26,074 I went to... 200 00:11:28,453 --> 00:11:30,240 I don't do anything. 201 00:11:32,682 --> 00:11:33,765 What can I do? 202 00:11:35,732 --> 00:11:37,519 You hang the Chacata-Panecos piñata. 203 00:11:38,099 --> 00:11:40,396 You guys realize he was beaten to death, right? 204 00:11:40,564 --> 00:11:42,338 That's where we got the idea from. 205 00:11:42,463 --> 00:11:43,463 Poignant. 206 00:11:50,013 --> 00:11:52,681 - Tell me what I've got so far. - What we have so far? 207 00:11:53,077 --> 00:11:55,665 We have something incredibly long, 208 00:11:55,790 --> 00:11:58,081 and very confusing, and a little homophobic. 209 00:11:58,655 --> 00:12:00,498 And really, really, specifically, 210 00:12:00,623 --> 00:12:03,336 surprisingly, and gratuitously critical of Israel. 211 00:12:03,998 --> 00:12:06,406 It's called "two conquistadors", should probably be "dos". 212 00:12:06,531 --> 00:12:08,189 I mean, it is a Spanish class. 213 00:12:08,314 --> 00:12:11,385 Which reminds me, the only thing not included in this 214 00:12:11,510 --> 00:12:14,889 are the five phrases required to get me a passing grade. 215 00:12:16,467 --> 00:12:18,101 You're right. Needs more work. 216 00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:20,520 - What're you guys doing? - I have no idea. 217 00:12:20,904 --> 00:12:22,897 - We head to the demonstration. - Hippies? 218 00:12:23,066 --> 00:12:26,154 - Some cause Britta's into. - A silent protest. Lots of candles. 219 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,838 Gets the ladies in the mood for social change. 220 00:12:28,963 --> 00:12:32,813 - A chance to put miles on this shirt. - Conversations are due in the morning. 221 00:12:35,178 --> 00:12:36,029 Right. 222 00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:39,523 What do you want to do? 223 00:12:49,842 --> 00:12:50,842 Hacks. 224 00:12:52,094 --> 00:12:54,846 What do we do about the ending of act two? 225 00:12:55,223 --> 00:12:56,748 I tell you what we're gonna do. 226 00:12:57,179 --> 00:13:00,977 We gonna take this, and we gonna put it in a museum for crazy people. 227 00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:03,280 Then we're gonna take this, 228 00:13:03,405 --> 00:13:07,220 and memorize five phrases from it tomorrow morning before class. 229 00:13:07,345 --> 00:13:09,395 - Good night. - Wait a minute. 230 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,656 You're bailing on our first sausage fest? 231 00:13:11,781 --> 00:13:13,972 This is your definition of friendship? 232 00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:17,189 This is my definition of you trying way too hard, 233 00:13:17,314 --> 00:13:20,092 and me finding it harder and harder to stay polite. 234 00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:22,999 Now this was a fine enough way to spend an evening devoid of hope, 235 00:13:23,167 --> 00:13:24,959 but a woman I kind of like 236 00:13:25,127 --> 00:13:27,827 is out there caring about something stupid, 237 00:13:28,054 --> 00:13:32,058 and this is my chance to show her I care enough to act like I care too. 238 00:13:32,844 --> 00:13:35,097 - That's all you had to say. - That was it? 239 00:13:35,222 --> 00:13:38,014 That would've been great if I had done that two hours ago! 240 00:14:20,912 --> 00:14:21,766 Nice sign. 241 00:14:23,849 --> 00:14:25,642 I like what you've done with the place. 242 00:14:27,528 --> 00:14:29,529 I think I was a little too harsh on you. 243 00:14:29,654 --> 00:14:30,954 I'm not perfect. 244 00:14:31,904 --> 00:14:34,362 I am. I'd be happy to show you the ropes. 245 00:14:34,820 --> 00:14:35,820 Awesome! 246 00:14:36,778 --> 00:14:39,701 Look at awesome Jeffrey Winger. 247 00:14:39,967 --> 00:14:42,396 Too awesome for old Pierce 248 00:14:42,521 --> 00:14:44,129 with your hip shirts, 249 00:14:45,075 --> 00:14:46,582 and your gelled hair, 250 00:14:47,196 --> 00:14:48,448 and your cool 251 00:14:48,813 --> 00:14:50,363 tape over your mouth. 252 00:14:51,614 --> 00:14:53,589 Why are you wearing tape over their mouth? 253 00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:55,299 It's a protest. 254 00:14:55,781 --> 00:14:56,577 Good. 255 00:14:57,090 --> 00:14:59,091 Cause I know what I'd like to protest... 256 00:14:59,216 --> 00:15:00,527 How much you hurt me. 257 00:15:00,652 --> 00:15:04,216 Conflicts like these will ultimately bring us together as an unlikely family. 258 00:15:04,341 --> 00:15:08,099 - You have horrible breath right now. - You constantly blow me off, 259 00:15:08,224 --> 00:15:09,647 you want me to do your homework, 260 00:15:10,137 --> 00:15:13,568 you tell me I'm trying too hard to be your friend so you have to go. 261 00:15:13,886 --> 00:15:16,297 You have to come out here to pretend 262 00:15:16,422 --> 00:15:19,615 to care about the stupid stuff she cares about. 263 00:15:19,928 --> 00:15:22,702 - His words, not mine. - He is paraphrasing. 264 00:15:23,266 --> 00:15:24,591 Pierce, I got an idea. 265 00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:25,894 Get a coffee, 266 00:15:26,018 --> 00:15:28,833 hold some waitress hostage with a monologue about your sperm. 267 00:15:29,202 --> 00:15:31,304 I'll show you some sperm, buddy. 268 00:15:31,705 --> 00:15:34,714 Was this your idea? What the hell? Fire. 269 00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:37,593 I'm not ready to die. 270 00:15:41,433 --> 00:15:43,450 He's jumped in the fountain. 271 00:15:44,154 --> 00:15:45,154 He's fine. 272 00:15:50,982 --> 00:15:53,653 - Have you seen it? - We did it, girl... Page three. 273 00:15:53,778 --> 00:15:55,965 Mostly about Pierce, but listen to last paragraph. 274 00:15:56,090 --> 00:15:59,341 "The incident occurred during a protest regarding events in Guatemala." 275 00:15:59,466 --> 00:16:01,342 - Awareness! - It's not the school paper. 276 00:16:01,467 --> 00:16:03,618 It's a real paper, there's a marmaduke in there. 277 00:16:03,786 --> 00:16:05,661 It's more than I ever accomplished. 278 00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:07,705 You know about the ethnic cleansing in Burma? 279 00:16:07,874 --> 00:16:09,824 Need to bust out brownie mix. 280 00:16:14,718 --> 00:16:15,718 Morning. 281 00:16:18,559 --> 00:16:20,962 I get it. Garfield's wishing me a happy Arbor Day, 282 00:16:21,087 --> 00:16:22,929 - you'd like a fresh start. - Nice try. 283 00:16:23,097 --> 00:16:26,578 It's secretary's day, and it says I'm sorry about crashing your protest 284 00:16:26,703 --> 00:16:28,935 with that drunken, self-immolating baby boomer. 285 00:16:29,103 --> 00:16:31,467 We don't blame you. He has always been on my watch list. 286 00:16:31,592 --> 00:16:34,094 That dude is crazy... He told me girls have two pee holes. 287 00:16:34,219 --> 00:16:36,401 I sang Christmas carols at a nursing home once. 288 00:16:36,526 --> 00:16:39,654 I've seen the face of dementia, and last night I saw it again. 289 00:16:39,779 --> 00:16:42,860 You know what he did that's really crazy? 290 00:16:43,839 --> 00:16:47,232 He offered me $100 to switch cards with him 291 00:16:47,357 --> 00:16:49,539 just so he could be partners with Jeff. 292 00:16:50,153 --> 00:16:53,778 He thought getting closer to Jeff would bring him respect in the group. 293 00:16:54,253 --> 00:16:57,338 I think he spent his whole life looking out for himself 294 00:16:57,506 --> 00:17:01,049 and he would trade it all for a shot at some kind of family. 295 00:17:10,418 --> 00:17:11,894 Time for our presentations. 296 00:17:12,151 --> 00:17:14,644 First up was supposed to be Jeff and Pierce, 297 00:17:14,769 --> 00:17:16,916 but Pierce explained the situation. 298 00:17:17,041 --> 00:17:20,902 Apparently there was a falling out, things were said, people were betrayed. 299 00:17:22,618 --> 00:17:24,740 Jeff, having heard Pierce's side of the story, 300 00:17:25,432 --> 00:17:28,035 the only humane thing to do would be to give you a C 301 00:17:28,203 --> 00:17:31,258 and let him do his presentation alone, if that sounds fair to you. 302 00:17:37,153 --> 00:17:39,061 That doesn't sound fair to me at all. 303 00:17:39,798 --> 00:17:42,008 I understand if you don't want to be my friend, 304 00:17:42,287 --> 00:17:43,843 but this thing we've created... 305 00:17:44,348 --> 00:17:46,459 It is bigger than the both of us, 306 00:17:46,584 --> 00:17:49,249 and it deserves to be done right. 307 00:17:51,955 --> 00:17:52,955 All right. 308 00:17:56,589 --> 00:17:59,364 Why are there costumes involved? These are short conversations, 309 00:17:59,489 --> 00:18:01,819 - they're not supposed to take... - Your breath away? 310 00:18:03,322 --> 00:18:04,280 Well, tough. 311 00:18:05,278 --> 00:18:06,466 You ready, amigo? 312 00:19:29,905 --> 00:19:30,713 F. 313 00:19:31,313 --> 00:19:32,118 F-minus. 314 00:19:32,944 --> 00:19:33,944 What? 315 00:19:35,461 --> 00:19:36,789 Did you say S? 316 00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:41,880 So. 317 00:19:43,552 --> 00:19:45,798 That was one of the worst things I have ever seen, 318 00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:49,648 which I guess makes being a part of it a pretty selfless act, 319 00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:51,227 so I'm impressed. 320 00:19:51,472 --> 00:19:54,553 How do you know I didn't do it just to get another shot at you? 321 00:19:54,678 --> 00:19:56,567 Cause a smart guy like you would know 322 00:19:56,692 --> 00:20:00,157 no woman would be able to look at you as a sexually viable candidate 323 00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:01,272 ever again. 324 00:20:03,708 --> 00:20:04,650 No, I know. 325 00:20:04,818 --> 00:20:06,061 I thought of that. 326 00:20:07,399 --> 00:20:08,699 She looked back. 327 00:20:12,195 --> 00:20:14,995 You did an all right job up there, my friend. 328 00:20:15,657 --> 00:20:19,472 You got this thing you do with your face when you're trying to be funny 329 00:20:19,597 --> 00:20:23,197 that forces people to think about how cool you think you are. 330 00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:43,955 Where is the library? 331 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,547 My name is T-Bone the disco spider. 332 00:20:46,672 --> 00:20:49,330 Disco, doll, the library 333 00:20:49,455 --> 00:20:52,073 is in big mustache, dog, lard. 334 00:20:52,198 --> 00:20:54,704 Lard, mustache, huge, little 335 00:20:54,829 --> 00:20:57,665 head is ice cream, beer is good 336 00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:00,287 Good day, I like cold potatoes, 337 00:21:00,412 --> 00:21:03,226 the goat's mustache is Cameron Diaz. 338 00:21:06,649 --> 00:21:07,597 It's 2009. 339 00:21:08,003 --> 00:21:08,835 Word.