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00:00:08,135 --> 00:00:09,760
What a glorious day.
2
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:12,718
Can't help but put a bounce
in one's step, can it?
3
00:00:12,885 --> 00:00:15,468
If you're gonna be cheerful,
sit somewhere else.
4
00:00:15,635 --> 00:00:18,010
- Damn it, I broke a nail.
- Here. Here.
5
00:00:18,676 --> 00:00:21,218
- Oh, hello, Niles.
- If my life gets any worse,
6
00:00:21,385 --> 00:00:24,885
I'm phoning hell to ask
about their exchange program.
7
00:00:25,301 --> 00:00:28,718
Well, lucky me.
I stumbled in at happy hour. Here.
8
00:00:29,260 --> 00:00:32,843
- So, Niles, Maris at it again?
- Oh, worse.
9
00:00:33,051 --> 00:00:36,135
And it's so depressing
I can barely talk about it.
10
00:00:36,551 --> 00:00:38,510
My Gourmet Club
is holding elections
11
00:00:38,676 --> 00:00:41,010
to see who will win
this year's Golden Apron...
12
00:00:41,218 --> 00:00:44,551
Wait, I can see
I'm gonna need a hanky for this.
13
00:00:44,885 --> 00:00:47,426
Latte, please. To go.
14
00:00:47,593 --> 00:00:49,926
Normally, the finalists compete
by giving lectures.
15
00:00:50,093 --> 00:00:51,135
I'd written mine.
16
00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:53,593
A waggish look at food fads
of yesteryear entitled:
17
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:55,760
"Fondue: What Were We Thinking?"
18
00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,593
Suddenly last night, disaster.
19
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Someone proposed
that instead of lecture,
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this year's finalists should compete by
hosting dinner parties in their homes.
21
00:01:04,593 --> 00:01:07,760
So why don't you invite them all over
and cook them a meal?
22
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,010
At the Shangri-La?
23
00:01:09,176 --> 00:01:11,051
I can't tell the cream
of Seattle's gourmet set
24
00:01:11,218 --> 00:01:15,385
that I've moved out of the Montana
and into that gulag with a game room.
25
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- I'll just have to drop out of the race.
- Let's not be hasty.
26
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Let's give this some thought.
27
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- Every problem has a solution.
- Do you call that a problem?
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A problem is when your kid
29
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keeps you up three nights
in a row with colic,
30
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and you're so burnt out
that you rear-end a Lexus
31
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with four passengers,
each and every one a lawyer.
32
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So you'll probably be sued
and spend the rest of your working life,
33
00:01:37,218 --> 00:01:38,926
if you ever even get a job,
34
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lining the pockets
of four blood-sucking,
35
00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:43,926
whiplash-faking fat cats.
36
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That's what a problem is.
37
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- Can you have it at a restaurant?
- It's against the rules.
38
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- Thanks for the sympathy.
- Well, I...
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00:01:52,843 --> 00:01:55,760
- Sympathy for what?
- Oh, I don't know. She broke a nail.
40
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Anyway, Niles, try as I might,
I can't think of a single thing. I'm sorry.
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00:01:59,885 --> 00:02:01,135
Well, don't blame yourself.
42
00:02:01,301 --> 00:02:03,343
You can blame Claudia Kynock.
43
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The whole dinner scheme
was her greedy notion.
44
00:02:05,676 --> 00:02:08,301
- Claudia Kynock? Kevin's widow?
- Can you believe it?
45
00:02:08,510 --> 00:02:11,301
She owns six newspapers
and nine radio stations.
46
00:02:11,468 --> 00:02:15,135
She'll still cadge a free meal
faster than that bulbous cartoon fellow
47
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,843
who mooches hamburgers
from Popeye.
48
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- I know I must sound...
- Wimpy.
49
00:02:19,676 --> 00:02:21,051
And whiny too, but I just...
50
00:02:23,968 --> 00:02:26,093
I wanted this.
And after the year I've been through,
51
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I needed something
to restore my pride,
52
00:02:28,885 --> 00:02:31,968
my dignity, my manhood.
53
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That Golden Apron could do it.
54
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And you are going to have it.
55
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You can have the dinner party
at my house.
56
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- You mean it?
- Yes.
57
00:02:40,718 --> 00:02:43,343
I'll rent an extra-large table,
and share in the hosting chores.
58
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You are a saint.
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00:02:45,426 --> 00:02:48,051
I did note you only offered
after you found out our club includes
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00:02:48,218 --> 00:02:49,718
a rich owner
who could give you a job.
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00:02:49,885 --> 00:02:51,218
Well, Niles, I must say I'm hurt.
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00:02:51,426 --> 00:02:53,010
I offer out of the goodness
of my heart,
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00:02:53,176 --> 00:02:54,801
you make me sound
like an opportunist.
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I'm sorry.
How can I make it up to you?
65
00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:59,093
Well, I don't know.
Seat me next to someone interesting.
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- Oh, Claudia, perhaps.
- Yes, why not?
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Put her on my left. It's my best side.
68
00:03:08,926 --> 00:03:11,926
He actually marked the bottle
so he'd know if you took some?
69
00:03:12,093 --> 00:03:15,468
Yeah. Then he marched into my room
and confronted me with the evidence.
70
00:03:15,676 --> 00:03:18,176
I said, "All right, if you want to be
such a miser, then fine.
71
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I'll buy me own bath salts."
72
00:03:24,510 --> 00:03:27,385
Oh, hi, Pam.
I didn't know you were here.
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I told you this morning
she was coming by.
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00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:32,593
Must have slipped my mind.
Well, don't you look nice tonight?
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00:03:32,718 --> 00:03:34,676
You too, Martin. I love your sweater.
76
00:03:34,843 --> 00:03:35,968
Yeah, pretty cheerful, huh?
77
00:03:36,176 --> 00:03:38,510
You know, not everyone
can wear these colours.
78
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,593
It helps if you're a matador.
79
00:03:41,635 --> 00:03:43,551
Come on, we don't want to be late
for the movie.
80
00:03:43,718 --> 00:03:46,510
- Oh, can I freshen up first?
- Oh, yeah, yeah, right through there.
81
00:03:52,093 --> 00:03:54,593
You dirty old man.
82
00:03:55,843 --> 00:03:57,926
Flirting with a girl her age.
83
00:03:58,135 --> 00:04:00,885
Well, she was flirting right back.
I saw her give me the once-over.
84
00:04:01,093 --> 00:04:03,676
Yeah, she looked once
and it was over.
85
00:04:04,260 --> 00:04:06,968
You never acted this silly
with any of me other girlfriends.
86
00:04:07,093 --> 00:04:09,551
- What's so special about Pam?
- Oh, nothing.
87
00:04:09,801 --> 00:04:11,093
She's just young and friendly,
88
00:04:11,260 --> 00:04:14,885
and she reminds me of the girls
I used to date back during the war.
89
00:04:15,093 --> 00:04:16,718
What, you mean Korea?
90
00:04:16,968 --> 00:04:20,635
Mr. Crane, it's not dating
when you're an occupying force.
91
00:04:21,135 --> 00:04:23,218
Well, just ask her if she's interested.
92
00:04:23,426 --> 00:04:24,593
Have you lost your mind?
93
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:27,468
Hey, the gals in Pyeongchang
used to think I was pretty damn cute.
94
00:04:27,676 --> 00:04:29,760
Yeah, well, this is a bit different.
You're not 21.
95
00:04:29,926 --> 00:04:32,051
And her village
hasn't just burned down.
96
00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:36,260
You're not gonna get her
with a kind smile and a Hershey bar.
97
00:04:36,426 --> 00:04:38,301
Oh, just ask her, okay?
98
00:04:38,510 --> 00:04:42,010
This explains that so-called mix-up
with those mail-order videos.
99
00:04:42,343 --> 00:04:45,885
Mistake, my fanny.
You ordered The Joy Luck Club.
100
00:04:48,010 --> 00:04:49,926
- Oh, hi, Dad, Daphne.
- Hey, you guys.
101
00:04:50,093 --> 00:04:52,135
- Pam, nice to see you.
- Hi. Hello, Niles.
102
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- All right, we're off. Good night.
- Good night.
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00:04:54,510 --> 00:04:56,551
Pam, an-nyong-hi kye-se-yo.
104
00:04:57,718 --> 00:04:59,843
Just keep moving.
105
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:05,093
- What's with Dad?
- It's a Korea thing. Don't ask.
106
00:05:06,135 --> 00:05:07,843
Oh, my gosh.
107
00:05:08,593 --> 00:05:09,801
He said yes. I've got him.
108
00:05:10,426 --> 00:05:12,176
That was a message
from Marcel DuBoeuf.
109
00:05:12,385 --> 00:05:14,135
He's agreed to cater
my dinner for the club.
110
00:05:14,343 --> 00:05:16,051
- Oh, Niles, that is a coup.
- Who?
111
00:05:16,218 --> 00:05:17,593
Marcel DuBoeuf, Dad.
112
00:05:17,801 --> 00:05:22,051
He's the famous sculptor turned chef.
Each plate is a work of art.
113
00:05:22,218 --> 00:05:24,135
He's doing his all-truffle menu.
114
00:05:24,260 --> 00:05:27,301
For the appetizer
he sculpts tiny mushroom trees,
115
00:05:27,510 --> 00:05:28,593
then he carves radishes
116
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:32,010
to look like truffle pigs
snuffling around the roots.
117
00:05:32,551 --> 00:05:36,801
Maybe I should do that for Eddie.
I could mould his Alpo into a cow.
118
00:05:37,010 --> 00:05:38,885
- That reminds me...
- I got him Sonics tickets.
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Bless you.
120
00:05:40,801 --> 00:05:43,885
And did I mention they are predicting
meteor showers for that evening?
121
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So not only will I have a great meal
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- in a perfect setting...
- Niles.
123
00:05:47,801 --> 00:05:50,093
- But I'll have nature itself
putting on a show for us.
124
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Oh, we'll have an excellent view
from right...
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00:05:58,010 --> 00:06:00,010
- Dear God, what's that?
- It's a small crack.
126
00:06:00,176 --> 00:06:03,218
A little bird flew into it the other day.
I'm replacing the pane next week.
127
00:06:03,385 --> 00:06:04,760
Next week? That's too late.
128
00:06:04,926 --> 00:06:06,593
It's a piece of tape.
No one will notice.
129
00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:08,843
Well, you have no idea
how cutthroat my rivals are.
130
00:06:09,010 --> 00:06:10,718
They will leap
on the tiniest imperfection.
131
00:06:11,051 --> 00:06:14,426
Last night, Sebastian Melmoth
threw a lavish Japanese banquet.
132
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A certain rival spent the entire evening
carping about how the obis
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on the geishas' kimonos
were improperly tied.
134
00:06:20,343 --> 00:06:22,676
- A certain rival?
- All right, me.
135
00:06:23,468 --> 00:06:25,093
He had geishas?
136
00:06:26,968 --> 00:06:28,051
That's enough, Dad.
137
00:06:29,593 --> 00:06:32,010
Well, I'll just have to have the party
somewhere else.
138
00:06:32,218 --> 00:06:34,426
But, Niles, you promised
you'd have it here.
139
00:06:34,635 --> 00:06:37,010
- You promised me Claudia Kynock.
- Nobody's gonna notice.
140
00:06:37,176 --> 00:06:39,426
Besides, who else is gonna loan you
their place?
141
00:06:39,635 --> 00:06:41,093
It's not like you can ask Maris.
142
00:06:42,926 --> 00:06:46,093
I don't have to ask her.
She's out of the country.
143
00:06:46,260 --> 00:06:48,968
She's in Antwerp
having her elbows done.
144
00:06:51,593 --> 00:06:54,260
She has that stunning beach house.
145
00:06:54,468 --> 00:06:57,010
- I can get past the alarm.
- Isn't that breaking and entering?
146
00:06:57,176 --> 00:06:59,926
Oh, pish.
It can't be a crime if it's catered.
147
00:07:02,176 --> 00:07:05,051
- I hope you have a lovely time.
- Don't sulk. You can still come.
148
00:07:05,218 --> 00:07:06,676
I've gotta start planning.
149
00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:09,551
Wait until you see this place.
It's right on the beach.
150
00:07:09,718 --> 00:07:12,135
It's ideal
for viewing the meteor shower.
151
00:07:12,343 --> 00:07:14,051
Maybe Chef Marcel
can make your truffles
152
00:07:14,218 --> 00:07:17,760
look like little meteors
zooming around the plate.
153
00:07:18,885 --> 00:07:22,510
We make fun of him, but every now
and then he has a fantastic idea.
154
00:07:28,218 --> 00:07:29,843
I hope you're right
about the alarm code.
155
00:07:30,010 --> 00:07:32,676
- People do change them.
- Maris will never change this one.
156
00:07:33,510 --> 00:07:35,010
It's her ideal weight.
157
00:07:35,176 --> 00:07:36,885
What she weighed
at her debutante ball.
158
00:07:37,051 --> 00:07:39,843
Let's see, this many pounds
and that many ounces.
159
00:07:40,051 --> 00:07:42,843
Good Lord,
no one could weigh that and live.
160
00:07:43,926 --> 00:07:45,551
Maris!
161
00:07:45,718 --> 00:07:48,093
- Oh, no, not her.
- Neighbour?
162
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,093
Yes. Gretchen Koontz.
163
00:07:50,385 --> 00:07:52,010
The old girl has been smitten
with Maris
164
00:07:52,176 --> 00:07:54,468
ever since she taught falconry
at Maris' finishing school.
165
00:07:54,676 --> 00:07:56,718
Now, here, put these in water.
I'll get rid of her.
166
00:07:56,885 --> 00:08:01,093
Maris, liebchen, is that you?
167
00:08:01,718 --> 00:08:04,218
- Oh, Dr. Crane.
- Hello, Gretchen.
168
00:08:04,385 --> 00:08:06,593
I'm surprised to see you here.
169
00:08:06,843 --> 00:08:08,468
When last I spoke to Maris,
170
00:08:08,635 --> 00:08:12,968
she said your marriage had come
to a timely end.
171
00:08:13,176 --> 00:08:16,551
Yes, well, it's all patched up now.
We couldn't be happier.
172
00:08:17,426 --> 00:08:19,218
In fact, that's Maris
in the kitchen now.
173
00:08:19,385 --> 00:08:21,426
We're terribly busy.
I'll be right with you, muffin.
174
00:08:21,593 --> 00:08:23,593
- But I'll tell her you looked in.
- Do.
175
00:08:23,801 --> 00:08:25,551
Ask her to stop by.
176
00:08:25,718 --> 00:08:28,885
My wolfhound had puppies.
177
00:08:33,426 --> 00:08:35,593
- Let's get some lights on.
- Yes.
178
00:08:36,301 --> 00:08:38,010
- Good Lord, what the hell is that?
- What?
179
00:08:38,135 --> 00:08:40,551
Oh, Maris had it made
after she lost power in a storm.
180
00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,510
Battery operated.
It works on a clapper.
181
00:08:42,676 --> 00:08:44,676
So you can find it in the dark.
182
00:08:44,843 --> 00:08:46,260
Only problem was, try as she might,
183
00:08:46,468 --> 00:08:49,426
the poor thing could never clap
hard enough to activate it.
184
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:55,343
Oh, Niles, this view is breathtaking.
185
00:08:55,551 --> 00:08:57,801
With a setting like this
and Chef Marcel in the kitchen,
186
00:08:57,968 --> 00:09:01,176
I think that Golden Apron
is as good as yours.
187
00:09:07,385 --> 00:09:10,551
What is that revolting smell?
188
00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:12,760
It smells like it's coming
from the beach.
189
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:15,301
It's like garbage or rotting fish or...
190
00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:17,801
- Or a dead seal.
- No, it's more like a rendering plant.
191
00:09:17,968 --> 00:09:21,760
No, Niles. There's an extremely
large dead seal right by this dinghy.
192
00:09:21,926 --> 00:09:25,926
Oh, dear God!
193
00:09:26,551 --> 00:09:27,885
You know, on the bright side,
194
00:09:28,051 --> 00:09:30,593
there's not a single crack
in these windows.
195
00:09:34,385 --> 00:09:35,843
Yes, animal control?
196
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:37,760
A large seal washed up
on my property.
197
00:09:37,926 --> 00:09:39,968
I need you to come
and remove it right away.
198
00:09:40,676 --> 00:09:43,343
Its condition? It's deceased.
199
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:48,551
And might I add, pretty damn pungent,
so if you'll just get over...
200
00:09:48,718 --> 00:09:51,301
What? What?
Well, you're not serious.
201
00:09:51,468 --> 00:09:53,635
He says they only handle live seals.
202
00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:55,510
What kind of policy is that?
203
00:09:55,843 --> 00:09:57,551
Well, if it were alive,
I wouldn't need you.
204
00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:59,385
I could just scare it away myself.
205
00:10:00,010 --> 00:10:01,260
I'd pay to see that.
206
00:10:04,093 --> 00:10:07,343
Oh, wait. I was mistaken.
It's not dead after all. It's sitting up.
207
00:10:07,510 --> 00:10:10,176
It looks very disoriented.
Come quickly.
208
00:10:10,385 --> 00:10:12,010
Give me that. Give it.
209
00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:13,593
Hello, this is Frasier Crane.
210
00:10:13,801 --> 00:10:15,343
You may remember me
from my radio show.
211
00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:18,676
Oh, yes, that should send
the seal mobile racing over here.
212
00:10:20,676 --> 00:10:24,051
And just how do you suggest
that we dispose of a dead seal?
213
00:10:24,510 --> 00:10:25,801
I see.
214
00:10:25,968 --> 00:10:28,343
I see. Charming.
215
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,551
Well, we have two options.
216
00:10:31,718 --> 00:10:33,510
We can either bury it
or haul it out to sea,
217
00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:36,010
in which case he suggests
that we stab some holes into it.
218
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:38,260
Stab holes in it?
219
00:10:38,510 --> 00:10:40,385
To make it less buoyant.
220
00:10:40,635 --> 00:10:42,885
It would certainly make me
less buoyant.
221
00:10:43,218 --> 00:10:44,426
Well, we'll have to bury it.
222
00:10:44,635 --> 00:10:46,635
- Help me find a shovel.
- Right.
223
00:10:49,218 --> 00:10:51,760
Oh, no, that's Chef Marcel.
If he finds out what's out there,
224
00:10:51,926 --> 00:10:53,968
- he will walk.
- Over a dead seal?
225
00:10:54,176 --> 00:10:56,135
He won't let anything upstage
his food.
226
00:10:56,301 --> 00:10:58,176
He stormed out
of Kate York's christening party
227
00:10:58,343 --> 00:10:59,676
over an ill-timed diaper change.
228
00:10:59,885 --> 00:11:01,093
- Look, you let him in.
- Right.
229
00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:03,260
- I'll find a shovel.
- Okay.
230
00:11:05,968 --> 00:11:09,343
Chef Marcel, this is indeed an honour.
I'm Frasier, Niles' brother.
231
00:11:09,551 --> 00:11:10,885
Where is my kitchen?
232
00:11:11,885 --> 00:11:13,135
It's right through there.
233
00:11:14,718 --> 00:11:17,593
- What is that smell?
- What smell?
234
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,218
Is there a baby here?
235
00:11:21,176 --> 00:11:23,051
No. I mean, yes.
236
00:11:23,260 --> 00:11:25,385
Well, there was a baby,
but it's gone now.
237
00:11:25,551 --> 00:11:29,218
- And we can air the place out.
- Do.
238
00:11:31,218 --> 00:11:33,218
All right, let's do this.
239
00:11:33,676 --> 00:11:36,385
Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.
240
00:11:39,260 --> 00:11:42,926
What's the matter, Niles, you couldn't
find any demitasse spoons?
241
00:11:43,135 --> 00:11:44,635
I'm sorry. This is all we have.
242
00:11:44,801 --> 00:11:46,968
It'll take us until doomsday
with these things.
243
00:11:47,135 --> 00:11:49,718
Let's stick it into the dinghy
and haul it out to sea. Come on.
244
00:11:49,885 --> 00:11:51,551
I'm not touching that
with my bare hands.
245
00:11:51,801 --> 00:11:54,260
All right, just go get a sheet
or something to wrap it in.
246
00:12:03,343 --> 00:12:05,676
Poor noble creature.
247
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:09,551
At least in death, you've achieved
a kind of tragic dignity.
248
00:12:10,051 --> 00:12:12,176
We can wrap it in this.
249
00:12:13,635 --> 00:12:15,843
- Quick, quick, quick, quick.
- A peach peignoir?
250
00:12:16,093 --> 00:12:17,551
Yes, and I found perfume.
251
00:12:18,301 --> 00:12:21,385
We're giving it a burial, Niles,
not a day of beauty.
252
00:12:21,593 --> 00:12:24,135
It's to cover the smell.
And the peignoir was all I could find.
253
00:12:24,343 --> 00:12:25,343
The beds are all stripped.
254
00:12:25,510 --> 00:12:28,218
- The linen cupboard's locked.
- All right, just get on with it.
255
00:12:30,385 --> 00:12:32,176
- Do you think that helped?
- Oh, yes, Niles.
256
00:12:32,426 --> 00:12:34,635
It smells so lovely now
it's almost a shame to bury it.
257
00:12:34,801 --> 00:12:38,051
- Will you give me a hand with this?
- Yes, all right.
258
00:12:38,218 --> 00:12:41,010
There. Okay, now let's turn it over.
Come on.
259
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:44,468
Oh, God.
260
00:12:48,260 --> 00:12:50,510
Have you ever seen anything
so heartbreaking?
261
00:12:50,718 --> 00:12:54,135
That sullied nightgown,
that cold vacant stare,
262
00:12:54,426 --> 00:12:56,510
those limp little whiskers.
263
00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:59,468
Stick a corncob pipe in its mouth,
it could be Nana on Dad's side.
264
00:13:00,051 --> 00:13:02,635
Come on, let's go. Move.
265
00:13:06,885 --> 00:13:10,301
Nice oarsmanship,
Mr. Oxford-Rowing-Champ.
266
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,343
It's not very easy
to keep your balance
267
00:13:12,468 --> 00:13:13,968
when your crewmate jumps
on your back
268
00:13:14,176 --> 00:13:15,718
and shrieks like a tea kettle.
269
00:13:15,885 --> 00:13:17,718
Oh, I'm sorry.
270
00:13:17,885 --> 00:13:21,093
The thing's tongue lolled out
and licked my ankle.
271
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:25,010
I just hope the wind changes direction
before the party.
272
00:13:25,218 --> 00:13:27,926
- Yes.
- They'll be here in 15 minutes.
273
00:13:28,051 --> 00:13:29,426
The stench is so strong
274
00:13:29,593 --> 00:13:31,510
I could almost swear
the damn thing was still...
275
00:13:32,801 --> 00:13:34,801
- It's back!
- Oh, my God.
276
00:13:35,010 --> 00:13:36,301
Tide must have washed it back in.
277
00:13:36,510 --> 00:13:38,760
We should've taken their advice
and stabbed holes in it.
278
00:13:38,926 --> 00:13:41,426
No, I refuse to even contemplate
something so disgusting.
279
00:13:41,635 --> 00:13:42,718
We'll just row it back out,
280
00:13:42,885 --> 00:13:44,718
this time we'll weigh it down
with something.
281
00:13:44,885 --> 00:13:47,843
Oh, Niles, what about that hideous
anchor lamp?
282
00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:51,468
Perfect. We'll tie it with
the peignoir sash. It'll sink like a brick.
283
00:13:51,635 --> 00:13:53,301
Would you mind terribly
doing that alone?
284
00:13:53,468 --> 00:13:55,968
- Alone?
- Yes, I have to get ready.
285
00:13:56,176 --> 00:13:58,760
Frasier, please, I beg you.
286
00:13:58,968 --> 00:14:00,135
All right, Niles.
287
00:14:00,343 --> 00:14:02,926
But the entire time I'm gone, sing
my praises to Claudia Kynock.
288
00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,718
- Done.
- Excuse me, where do you keep...?
289
00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:08,135
Chef Marcel,
it's so nice to meet you at last.
290
00:14:08,343 --> 00:14:10,468
You have been swimming?
291
00:14:12,260 --> 00:14:13,926
Just a dip.
292
00:14:14,176 --> 00:14:15,885
In your clothes?
293
00:14:17,426 --> 00:14:19,218
Well, it is November.
294
00:14:19,385 --> 00:14:22,468
You know, it was so refreshing,
I think I'll go back for another.
295
00:14:22,676 --> 00:14:24,551
- Don't forget your lamp.
- Oh, yes, thank you.
296
00:14:32,468 --> 00:14:33,843
It's getting dark in that water.
297
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:45,635
Now, Sebastian, you must try
one of these truffled scallops.
298
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:49,260
I'm allergic to bivalves.
A good host would know that.
299
00:14:49,468 --> 00:14:53,135
Don't mind Sebastian. He's just afraid
you'll outshine his geisha party.
300
00:14:53,343 --> 00:14:55,676
Now, now, no rivalries.
We're all friends tonight.
301
00:14:55,885 --> 00:14:57,676
I'm sorry about the scallops.
302
00:14:57,926 --> 00:15:00,926
In the future, I'll try to cater more
to your shellfish demands.
303
00:15:02,676 --> 00:15:03,885
I got that.
304
00:15:06,801 --> 00:15:08,510
Thank God you're back.
I can open the deck?
305
00:15:08,676 --> 00:15:11,135
- People are suspicious.
- I hauled it as far as I could.
306
00:15:11,301 --> 00:15:12,718
I hope that lamp was heavy enough.
307
00:15:12,885 --> 00:15:14,801
- Is Claudia here?
- She's dying to talk to you.
308
00:15:14,968 --> 00:15:16,885
- Good. Smell my fingers.
- Lovely, tuberose?
309
00:15:17,093 --> 00:15:18,385
- Jasmine.
- Really?
310
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:21,718
Everyone, as you may know,
311
00:15:21,885 --> 00:15:25,593
I have arranged a small meteor shower
for our entertainment this evening.
312
00:15:25,885 --> 00:15:31,385
So feel free to claim your spots now
on the observation deck.
313
00:15:32,301 --> 00:15:35,635
Please, go right ahead.
Sebastian, enjoy it.
314
00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:38,843
Claudia, this is my brother,
Dr. Frasier Crane.
315
00:15:39,010 --> 00:15:41,718
- Well, just the man I wanted to meet.
- Really?
316
00:15:41,885 --> 00:15:43,760
Well, now I should warn you,
Claudia's in radio
317
00:15:43,926 --> 00:15:45,551
so you're in
for more of that arm-twisting
318
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,093
you've been getting from
the other station owners.
319
00:15:48,301 --> 00:15:50,426
Oh, my brother, the publicist.
320
00:15:50,635 --> 00:15:52,801
Before long, he'll be telling you
about my two SeaBees
321
00:15:52,968 --> 00:15:55,760
and my
Broadcaster of the Year Award.
322
00:15:56,301 --> 00:15:59,010
Well, now we don't have to talk
all business.
323
00:15:59,218 --> 00:16:01,093
But I do wanna mention
that we may be replacing
324
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:03,551
one of our nationally
syndicated hosts,
325
00:16:03,718 --> 00:16:04,968
the Happy Traveller.
326
00:16:05,218 --> 00:16:07,635
Oh, yes, the Happy Traveller.
How's that coming?
327
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:11,010
Not well. Unless they get more realistic
with those ransom demands,
328
00:16:11,218 --> 00:16:14,093
he's never coming out of that jungle.
329
00:16:15,010 --> 00:16:18,010
There certainly are a lot of gnats
buzzing about out here.
330
00:16:18,260 --> 00:16:19,551
- Yes, there are.
- Allow me.
331
00:16:20,926 --> 00:16:22,176
Oh, dear God.
332
00:16:26,176 --> 00:16:29,885
- It's only a gnat, Niles.
- Yes, well, gnats carry disease.
333
00:16:30,093 --> 00:16:32,885
- Oh, you missed it.
- There's another.
334
00:16:33,885 --> 00:16:36,676
There were no bugs at my party.
335
00:16:39,426 --> 00:16:41,093
What's that on the beach?
336
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:43,718
I don't know, but it's wearing a boa.
337
00:16:43,926 --> 00:16:45,968
No, no, no, that's preposterous.
338
00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:48,343
It's just a rock
with some seaweed on it.
339
00:16:49,635 --> 00:16:53,301
Niles, there seems to be something
with feathers flashing at us.
340
00:16:53,468 --> 00:16:57,343
Yes, yes, that's my neighbour.
Don't clap, it just encourages her.
341
00:16:57,593 --> 00:16:59,426
Does anyone else smell something?
342
00:16:59,635 --> 00:17:01,843
I know what I smell.
343
00:17:02,343 --> 00:17:03,593
Truffles.
344
00:17:04,218 --> 00:17:08,051
- Everyone, time for dinner.
- Yes, yes, please, step lively.
345
00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:09,926
Truffles.
346
00:17:11,593 --> 00:17:13,843
All right, all right, get out there
and stab that thing.
347
00:17:14,010 --> 00:17:16,135
No. I'm sick to death
of chaperoning that carcass.
348
00:17:16,385 --> 00:17:17,843
Well, I can't do it. I'm the host.
349
00:17:18,051 --> 00:17:20,968
Because of that woman in there and
a scrappy band of third-world rebels,
350
00:17:21,135 --> 00:17:23,551
I am this close to getting
a national radio show of my own.
351
00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:25,093
- You have to do it.
- All right.
352
00:17:25,301 --> 00:17:28,176
Get me a knife, close those curtains.
Don't let anyone out on this deck
353
00:17:28,343 --> 00:17:29,760
- until I come back.
- Fine.
354
00:17:30,468 --> 00:17:32,343
Where's the damn thing gone to?
355
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,385
Got it. Thanks.
356
00:17:37,176 --> 00:17:38,426
I've listened to your show,
357
00:17:38,635 --> 00:17:41,635
and what impressed me most
is your ability to focus.
358
00:17:41,843 --> 00:17:43,010
Yes, I'm very proud of that.
359
00:17:43,176 --> 00:17:45,260
I give each of my callers
my complete undivided...
360
00:17:45,426 --> 00:17:47,718
Excuse me.
Would you please just stay inside?
361
00:17:47,968 --> 00:17:50,760
- We're about to start dinner.
- Well, you said that ten minutes ago.
362
00:17:50,968 --> 00:17:53,635
Yes, so it's even truer now, isn't it?
Just sit down.
363
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:57,385
I'm sorry. Back to my show.
364
00:17:57,593 --> 00:18:01,426
I must say, I was wondering myself
when we'd be eating. It's getting late.
365
00:18:01,593 --> 00:18:04,635
Well, Niles is in the kitchen right now
trying to prod Chef Marcel along.
366
00:18:04,801 --> 00:18:07,218
You know how it is
with these perfectionists.
367
00:18:07,426 --> 00:18:10,593
- I am waiting to serve. Where's Niles?
- You mean he's not with you?
368
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:12,635
Well, I'm sure
he's around here somewhere.
369
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:15,093
You know, perhaps he's upstairs
making a phone call.
370
00:18:15,301 --> 00:18:17,676
If you just keep everything warm,
he'll be down in a minute.
371
00:18:17,885 --> 00:18:20,843
He better be. I reheat for no one.
372
00:18:22,926 --> 00:18:24,968
I'm terribly sorry
about all these interruptions.
373
00:18:25,176 --> 00:18:28,176
Now, can we just get back
to that job?
374
00:18:28,301 --> 00:18:29,718
Well, you'd be in 93 markets...
375
00:18:29,926 --> 00:18:31,176
Excuse me. Can I help you?
376
00:18:31,385 --> 00:18:33,343
- I just saw a meteor.
- Oh, have they started?
377
00:18:33,551 --> 00:18:35,510
Oh, splendid.
Everyone, please stand back.
378
00:18:35,718 --> 00:18:38,385
And witness the spectacular view
through this transom.
379
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:40,051
Can't we see them better
from outside?
380
00:18:40,218 --> 00:18:41,385
No, it's much safer in here.
381
00:18:41,551 --> 00:18:43,135
You never know
where they might land.
382
00:18:43,968 --> 00:18:46,176
Perhaps that's Niles.
383
00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:49,593
Hello, is Niles Crane here?
384
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,801
We're investigating
a possible homicide.
385
00:18:52,051 --> 00:18:53,843
What?
386
00:18:54,051 --> 00:18:56,260
Your neighbour saw Dr. Crane
and another man
387
00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:59,010
row out to sea with a third party
dressed in a nightie.
388
00:19:01,176 --> 00:19:02,635
The men returned alone.
389
00:19:02,843 --> 00:19:04,760
We suspect they dumped the body
overboard.
390
00:19:04,968 --> 00:19:06,843
All right,
there's nothing to be alarmed about.
391
00:19:07,010 --> 00:19:09,510
Please, gentlemen, come in.
I can clear this whole thing up.
392
00:19:09,676 --> 00:19:11,718
I was the other man in the row boat.
393
00:19:11,926 --> 00:19:15,593
- You dumped a body overboard?
- Thank God you're here.
394
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:18,135
- I just saw a murder.
- What?
395
00:19:18,385 --> 00:19:20,468
Dr. Crane was on the beach
with his wife, Maris.
396
00:19:20,635 --> 00:19:22,843
I recognized her peignoir.
397
00:19:23,010 --> 00:19:25,635
I could even smell her perfume.
398
00:19:25,843 --> 00:19:28,843
- He was stabbing her again and again.
- No, no, no.
399
00:19:30,176 --> 00:19:32,593
Clearly, this woman is delusional.
400
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,051
Listen, search the entire house.
401
00:19:34,218 --> 00:19:36,135
I defy you to find
one scrap of evidence
402
00:19:36,301 --> 00:19:37,843
that there's been foul play here.
403
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,468
My butcher knife has disappeared
from the kitchen.
404
00:19:41,926 --> 00:19:43,718
Go check the beach.
405
00:19:43,968 --> 00:19:47,051
Please, people, I assure you,
there is nothing sinister going on here.
406
00:19:54,718 --> 00:19:56,051
Hello, all.
407
00:19:56,260 --> 00:19:58,218
Meteor shower's started.
Oh, excuse me.
408
00:19:59,093 --> 00:20:02,135
Niles, there's been
a little misunderstanding.
409
00:20:02,260 --> 00:20:05,676
Perhaps it's time you explained
about the dead seal we found.
410
00:20:05,885 --> 00:20:08,218
A dead seal?
At my Golden Apron dinner?
411
00:20:08,426 --> 00:20:09,551
That's enough bubbly for you.
412
00:20:09,718 --> 00:20:11,801
But, Niles, they think
you murdered Maris.
413
00:20:12,010 --> 00:20:13,968
I saw him stabbing her.
414
00:20:14,176 --> 00:20:15,468
Oh, I see what happened.
415
00:20:15,718 --> 00:20:17,385
Oh, this is funny.
416
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,760
Oh, you're all going to laugh
when you hear this.
417
00:20:20,926 --> 00:20:24,260
I was simply stabbing a seal.
418
00:20:26,510 --> 00:20:28,218
You killed a seal?
419
00:20:28,426 --> 00:20:31,010
No, no, I didn't kill it.
It was already dead when we found it.
420
00:20:31,218 --> 00:20:32,968
- You found a dead seal?
- Yes.
421
00:20:33,176 --> 00:20:34,843
And it was wearing a peignoir?
422
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:39,218
That is ludicrous.
We put the peignoir on it.
423
00:20:41,135 --> 00:20:43,385
- And the perfume too?
- Yes, of course.
424
00:20:43,593 --> 00:20:45,051
So you found a dead seal,
425
00:20:45,260 --> 00:20:49,635
dressed it in a peignoir,
doused it in perfume, then stabbed it.
426
00:20:50,135 --> 00:20:51,551
I told you you'd laugh.
427
00:20:52,593 --> 00:20:54,551
I found this washed up
on the beach.
428
00:20:54,718 --> 00:20:58,760
Oh, well, there, if that doesn't prove
my innocence, I don't know what does.
429
00:21:00,343 --> 00:21:02,843
It's covered in her blood.
430
00:21:03,051 --> 00:21:04,551
Dinner is served.
431
00:21:06,593 --> 00:21:09,843
Sorry, folks, no one can leave.
This is a crime scene.
432
00:21:09,968 --> 00:21:12,551
Well, it certainly would be a crime
if we missed that dinner.
433
00:21:12,718 --> 00:21:13,760
Everyone, sit down.
434
00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:15,635
There's place cards
all around the table.
435
00:21:15,801 --> 00:21:19,051
- Okay, gentlemen, let's go.
- Well, he said no one could leave.
436
00:21:19,676 --> 00:21:22,010
Claudia, perhaps
we can discuss that job tomorrow.
437
00:21:22,176 --> 00:21:23,885
I've got business cards
in my breast pocket
438
00:21:24,051 --> 00:21:25,760
if you'd like to fish one out.
439
00:21:25,926 --> 00:21:27,468
No? Fine. I'll just call you then.
440
00:21:27,676 --> 00:21:30,051
Officer, you can't arrest me.
My wife is alive.
441
00:21:30,218 --> 00:21:31,885
She's in Antwerp
having her elbows done.
442
00:21:32,093 --> 00:21:34,801
Give it up, Niles.
Even I didn't believe that one.