1
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:10,201
Look at all those little cracks in your heels.
2
00:00:10,202 --> 00:00:12,904
My feet have had some
experience, okay, josh?
3
00:00:12,972 --> 00:00:16,140
They've seen things.
I didn't mean anything bad.
4
00:00:16,208 --> 00:00:18,843
(laughs) I so don't care.
Seriously.
5
00:00:18,911 --> 00:00:20,311
Oh, boy.
6
00:00:20,379 --> 00:00:22,513
(telephone rings)
7
00:00:22,581 --> 00:00:23,615
(beep)
8
00:00:23,682 --> 00:00:26,084
Hello?
Why are you out of breath?
9
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,786
'cause I'm sanding down
my disgusting elephant heels.
10
00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:32,290
Ugh! With all the shavings here,
I could make another foot.
11
00:00:32,358 --> 00:00:34,259
What are you doing?
Foreplay.
12
00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:36,594
Oh, that's the stuff.
13
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,863
I gave andy s two free
sex cards for the month,
14
00:00:38,931 --> 00:00:41,833
And he's already
cashg one in.
Work the ass.
15
00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:43,301
Fine.
16
00:00:43,369 --> 00:00:45,303
Oh, my god.
Turn on channel 30.
17
00:00:45,371 --> 00:00:47,605
There are women who didn't know
they were pregnant
18
00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:50,208
Having babies in toilets.
Really?
19
00:00:50,276 --> 00:00:52,944
No. Wrap it up.
It's magic time.
(remote thuds)
20
00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:55,413
You know the deal. Normally,
I decide if we have sex,
21
00:00:55,481 --> 00:00:57,415
But if andy
uses one of his cards,
22
00:00:57,483 --> 00:01:00,184
I can't say no unless
it's my birthday or he's hit me.
23
00:01:00,252 --> 00:01:02,820
You can stay on the phone
if you want...
24
00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:06,190
(grunts) but I'm starting.
Hey, you want to hold on
for a few minutes?
25
00:01:06,258 --> 00:01:08,459
Call me back.
Babies in toilets!
26
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,462
Ooh!
27
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:12,764
Yes!
28
00:01:12,831 --> 00:01:14,999
Come here, little guy.
29
00:01:15,067 --> 00:01:16,968
Hey, jules!
Oh!
30
00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:18,936
Why are you here?
31
00:01:19,004 --> 00:01:21,539
Oh, I came by to, uh,
get my saw out of the closet.
32
00:01:21,607 --> 00:01:24,242
You know, it's really hot
sleeping on the boat,
33
00:01:24,310 --> 00:01:28,046
And I need a window,
like, pronto.
I thought that when we got
divorced I would finally be able
34
00:01:28,113 --> 00:01:30,682
To enjoy my night snacks
without you ruining it.
35
00:01:30,749 --> 00:01:33,451
How can I ruin it?
You know, one of those things
36
00:01:33,519 --> 00:01:35,520
Is like eating
three double cheeseburgers?
37
00:01:35,587 --> 00:01:37,188
And there it is.
38
00:01:37,256 --> 00:01:39,257
Ugh!
39
00:01:39,325 --> 00:01:41,292
(thud)
are you happy?
40
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,995
I'm just gonna go and...
41
00:01:44,063 --> 00:01:45,396
(licks)
42
00:01:45,464 --> 00:01:47,699
Hey, j-bird, I'm sorry.
Get out!
43
00:01:49,335 --> 00:01:52,403
Hey, paper buddy.
44
00:01:52,471 --> 00:01:55,440
I just did back-to-back-to-back
spinning classes.
45
00:01:55,507 --> 00:01:57,008
The first two were
46
00:01:57,076 --> 00:01:59,577
For this big honking sticky bun
I ate last night,
47
00:01:59,645 --> 00:02:01,946
And the other one's
for licking the frosting
48
00:02:02,014 --> 00:02:04,382
Off my microwave tray
this morning.
Why not just skip
the sticky bun?
49
00:02:04,450 --> 00:02:07,085
Well, that's just crazy talk.
(car alarm chirps)
50
00:02:09,188 --> 00:02:11,589
(singsong voice) oh, look who
got laid last night.
51
00:02:11,657 --> 00:02:13,024
That's right, chumps.
52
00:02:13,092 --> 00:02:15,226
Missionary accomplished. Bow!
53
00:02:16,294 --> 00:02:18,495
Oh, married sex.
You know, we're lucky.
54
00:02:18,563 --> 00:02:20,864
(car dr shuts)
we're both divorced
and attractive enough
55
00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:23,467
Not to have to deal with that.
You think I'm attractive?
56
00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:25,136
I said we're both attractive.
Yeah, but I'm part of "both,"
right?
57
00:02:25,204 --> 00:02:28,106
All right, so I think
you're attractive,
58
00:02:28,173 --> 00:02:30,508
Just like you think
I'm attractive.
Mm, I don't think
you're attractive.
59
00:02:30,576 --> 00:02:32,878
I am sure there's lots of people
who think you're attractive,
60
00:02:32,946 --> 00:02:35,848
Just not me.
Well, then I don't think
you're attractive.
61
00:02:35,915 --> 00:02:39,184
Mm, no take backs.
Of course there's take backs.
There's always take backs.
62
00:02:39,252 --> 00:02:40,619
Nope.
Wh--
63
00:02:41,687 --> 00:02:44,422
So what's the big emergency?
This is only, like,
64
00:02:44,490 --> 00:02:48,092
10% of the crap that
you still have in this house.
65
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,995
Hey!
It's my driver's license.
Ugh, I can't believe
I was married
66
00:02:51,063 --> 00:02:54,966
To a man who keeps
his license in a box.
A box marked "important."
67
00:02:55,033 --> 00:02:58,302
It's like you still live here.
Is this one of those times when
you're pissed at someone else
68
00:02:58,370 --> 00:03:01,339
And you're taking it out
on me?
Maybe. Look, I am mad
69
00:03:01,407 --> 00:03:03,941
About a very complicated
take back situation.
70
00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:07,612
But our marriage is over. I just
want this stuff outta here.
71
00:03:07,679 --> 00:03:09,514
Consider it done.
72
00:03:09,581 --> 00:03:13,384
Thank you.
Hot damn!
Baby, you know what this is?
73
00:03:13,452 --> 00:03:16,554
"bobby and jules doink."
I guess it's our old sex tape.
74
00:03:16,622 --> 00:03:18,890
(laughs) this goes
in the keep pile, my dear.
75
00:03:18,957 --> 00:03:22,727
No! You would show it
to all your friends. Unh-unh.
76
00:03:22,795 --> 00:03:24,295
(bobby and jules laugh)
77
00:03:24,363 --> 00:03:27,665
Wow. Butt-naked 19-year-old you
is stupid hot!
78
00:03:27,733 --> 00:03:30,635
Look at my boobs! Wow.
I think they were so big
79
00:03:30,702 --> 00:03:33,538
'cause I was nine weeks pregnant
with travis when we made this.
80
00:03:33,605 --> 00:03:35,940
But I didn't know it yet,
81
00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:39,877
So that's why
I was drinking beer.
Mm. That's a good point,
I could be pregnant right now.
82
00:03:39,945 --> 00:03:42,947
Pay attention to this part. This
is where I'm dancing on the bed.
Oh, a running man.
83
00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:45,616
Cute.
And, uh, stop.
84
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,885
(tape stops)
after that, it gets
all intercourse-y.
85
00:03:47,953 --> 00:03:50,721
Oh, no one wants that.
No.
86
00:03:50,789 --> 00:03:53,491
(doorbell rings)
oh, pizza time.
87
00:03:53,559 --> 00:03:54,892
Wait. What?
88
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,195
Please.
You know you want me to.
89
00:03:57,262 --> 00:03:59,330
(tape starts)
90
00:03:59,398 --> 00:04:02,667
You know, in a weird way,
91
00:04:02,734 --> 00:04:05,603
This is actually
kind of sweet and--
(thud)
92
00:04:05,671 --> 00:04:07,872
(bobby) oh, babe!
(both) oh!
93
00:04:07,940 --> 00:04:10,174
Oh, my god!
I've eaten off that table!
94
00:04:10,242 --> 00:04:12,577
Stop hurting jules!
95
00:04:12,644 --> 00:04:15,346
You turned it back on?
Stop it!
96
00:04:15,414 --> 00:04:18,416
We c.
Well, then stop looking at it!
97
00:04:18,484 --> 00:04:21,352
I can't stop looking.
God, what are you doing?!
98
00:04:21,420 --> 00:04:23,588
We were in love.
(gasps) oh!
99
00:04:23,655 --> 00:04:26,324
Oh, travis.
What are you guys watching?
100
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:27,658
News.
"tootsie."
101
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:29,494
Tv's broken.
102
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:30,795
"tootsie."
103
00:04:32,664 --> 00:04:35,299
Pizza's on the floor.
104
00:04:38,106 --> 00:04:41,075
Oh, honey, this is so sad.
105
00:04:41,143 --> 00:04:42,643
What?
106
00:04:42,711 --> 00:04:45,579
I'm just taking out
the trash.
107
00:04:45,647 --> 00:04:47,948
And if my neighbor happens
to find me attractive,
108
00:04:48,016 --> 00:04:50,384
Then, well, I win.
109
00:04:50,452 --> 00:04:52,520
Win what?
110
00:04:52,587 --> 00:04:56,257
I don't know.
Stop asking stupid questions.
111
00:04:56,324 --> 00:04:58,592
Sweetie, nobody wears boob tape
before 10:00 a.M.
112
00:04:58,660 --> 00:05:00,928
Shh. Shh. Shh.
113
00:05:06,501 --> 00:05:07,902
(cans clatter)
114
00:05:07,969 --> 00:05:09,804
Bravo! Again!
115
00:05:09,871 --> 00:05:11,939
I know you think I'm cute.
116
00:05:12,007 --> 00:05:15,276
You just don't want to say it.
Well, I've got an idea.
117
00:05:15,343 --> 00:05:17,745
Oh, great. It's probably
not insane at all.
118
00:05:17,813 --> 00:05:21,449
Every night at 10:00 sharp,
I'm gonna look out my window,
119
00:05:21,516 --> 00:05:23,551
And if your porch light is on,
120
00:05:23,618 --> 00:05:26,454
I'm gonna know that's a signal
that you think I'm attractive.
121
00:05:26,521 --> 00:05:29,322
And you'll never have
to say it to my face.
122
00:05:29,390 --> 00:05:31,158
You've got old noodles
all in your hair and...
123
00:05:31,226 --> 00:05:35,662
(singsong voice) oh! Somebody's
obsessed with my hair!
124
00:05:35,730 --> 00:05:38,698
(normal voice)
see you at 10:00, buddy boy!
125
00:05:44,838 --> 00:05:48,407
How'd it go?
He's a jerk, and my hair
smells like pad thai.
126
00:05:48,475 --> 00:05:50,576
Are you watching
my sex tape?
127
00:05:50,643 --> 00:05:52,878
Yeah, but with the volume down,
so it's not weird.
128
00:05:52,946 --> 00:05:55,481
It's still weird.
(turns off tv)
129
00:05:55,548 --> 00:05:59,151
You know, I used to be that
young and hot, and now at night,
130
00:05:59,219 --> 00:06:01,820
I sit in front
of that damn magnifying mirror
131
00:06:01,888 --> 00:06:05,090
And pick at things
that don't need to be picked,
132
00:06:05,158 --> 00:06:08,093
And all I see staring back at me
is a big pile of old.
133
00:06:08,161 --> 00:06:11,029
Honey, it is not you.
It's that damn little mirror.
134
00:06:11,097 --> 00:06:13,132
Look. Mine's right here.
I spent the whole morning
135
00:06:13,199 --> 00:06:15,033
In the bathroom
just staring at myself,
136
00:06:15,101 --> 00:06:17,169
And then I got hungry,
so I came down here
137
00:06:17,237 --> 00:06:20,005
And poked at my face
while I ate a bagel.
You know,
some mirrors are friends.
138
00:06:20,073 --> 00:06:22,474
That big one in my closet let me
wear white pants today.
139
00:06:22,542 --> 00:06:25,144
Well, not this one.
This one is evil.
140
00:06:25,211 --> 00:06:27,045
Oh, god. I have
so many chin whiskers.
141
00:06:27,113 --> 00:06:29,148
I look like carny folk.
142
00:06:29,215 --> 00:06:31,984
So many times, I just want
to throw this thing out.
143
00:06:34,587 --> 00:06:36,855
Don't.
I have to.
Give me some tweezers.
144
00:06:36,923 --> 00:06:39,458
Salad tongs. Something.
145
00:06:39,526 --> 00:06:42,795
So where are we supposed
to put all this stuff?
146
00:06:42,862 --> 00:06:45,030
All the essentials
stay onboard.
147
00:06:45,098 --> 00:06:48,100
Everything else--well...
148
00:06:48,168 --> 00:06:50,335
No one goes behind
that garage much, so...
149
00:06:50,403 --> 00:06:53,272
So as a grown man, you think
it's a good idea to store
150
00:06:53,339 --> 00:06:55,574
Most of your earthly possessions
in the woods?
151
00:06:55,642 --> 00:06:58,310
Calm down. What's a squirrel
gonna do with a blender?
152
00:06:58,378 --> 00:06:59,812
Mm-hmm.
Ooh!
153
00:06:59,879 --> 00:07:01,547
(laughs) no way!
154
00:07:01,614 --> 00:07:04,516
My old cheeto. Man, this
thing's, like, 15 years old.
155
00:07:04,584 --> 00:07:06,718
It saved it 'cause it looks
exactly like bruce willis.
156
00:07:06,786 --> 00:07:09,655
It must be worth, like, three
times its original value now.
157
00:07:09,722 --> 00:07:12,291
Trav, I dare you to eat it.
158
00:07:12,358 --> 00:07:14,827
What? No.
Come on, little buddy.
159
00:07:14,894 --> 00:07:17,763
My daddy used to dare me
to eat things all the time.
160
00:07:17,831 --> 00:07:20,365
I mean, I ate four bottle caps
once. Three have not passed,
161
00:07:20,433 --> 00:07:23,101
And I'm cool with that,
'cause doing things with my pops
162
00:07:23,169 --> 00:07:26,004
Made me the n I am today.
Well,
that's a great sell, dad,
163
00:07:26,072 --> 00:07:28,774
But I'm still leaning
toward "no."
164
00:07:28,842 --> 00:07:31,443
Come on. One time.
No. No. No. No.
165
00:07:31,511 --> 00:07:33,745
(horn honks)
166
00:07:33,813 --> 00:07:36,782
Whoo! I'd like to be
your bike seat!
167
00:07:36,850 --> 00:07:37,850
(horn honks)
laurie!
168
00:07:37,917 --> 00:07:39,985
What? (laughs) it's fun.
169
00:07:40,053 --> 00:07:43,856
You do it. Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Come on. There's a hot jogger.
170
00:07:43,923 --> 00:07:45,791
(horn honks)
oh, fine.
171
00:07:45,859 --> 00:07:49,061
Hey, sweet cheeks!
Come to mama!
172
00:07:49,128 --> 00:07:51,930
(laughs)
173
00:07:51,998 --> 00:07:54,733
(gasps) go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
I can't!
174
00:07:54,801 --> 00:07:57,302
Laurie, come on!
(horns honking)
175
00:07:57,370 --> 00:07:59,338
Well, hey, laurie.
176
00:07:59,405 --> 00:08:01,673
Mama.
I didn't mean what I said.
177
00:08:01,741 --> 00:08:06,011
No, no, no. They really are
very, very sweet cheeks.
178
00:08:06,079 --> 00:08:08,113
Hey, maybe this will help
pass the time,
179
00:08:08,181 --> 00:08:10,749
If I just... Oh! Ooh!
180
00:08:10,817 --> 00:08:12,918
So cool on the skin.
181
00:08:12,986 --> 00:08:15,153
Oh, you know what?
You're just an arrogant jerk
182
00:08:15,221 --> 00:08:17,856
Who left his wife to have sex
with teenagers.
183
00:08:17,924 --> 00:08:21,593
Guilty. But it is kooky how many
women find me attractive.
184
00:08:21,661 --> 00:08:26,196
I mean, they range in age
from 18 all the way up
185
00:08:26,264 --> 00:08:28,398
To, like--
well, how old are you?
186
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:31,234
(gasps)
all right, that's it.
I'm walking, laurie.
187
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:34,337
See you at the office.
Excuse me.
(car door shuts)
188
00:08:34,405 --> 00:08:37,007
So which way are we going?
189
00:08:37,074 --> 00:08:41,077
You want me to walk ahead
so you can look at my buns?
Ugh.
190
00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:43,880
Didn't think that one through,
diyou?
191
00:08:43,948 --> 00:08:45,615
Quiet time.
192
00:08:49,053 --> 00:08:52,389
What are you doing?
193
00:08:52,456 --> 00:08:55,058
Uh, getting the camcorder.
194
00:08:55,126 --> 00:08:58,929
(dog barking in distance)
195
00:08:58,996 --> 00:09:02,065
I knew I'd regret telling you
about jules' sex tape.
196
00:09:02,133 --> 00:09:04,367
Sex tape? Wh-wh-wh...
(stammers)
it's not happening, andy.
197
00:09:04,435 --> 00:09:06,369
Come on!
198
00:09:06,437 --> 00:09:08,505
Grayson thinks
he's god's gift to women.
199
00:09:08,572 --> 00:09:11,541
I bet he thinks all we do is
sit around
200
00:09:11,609 --> 00:09:15,178
Talking about him all day,
wondering what he's thinking.
Like we care what he thinks.
201
00:09:15,246 --> 00:09:18,181
I bet he thinks his ex is all
sad and pining for him. Aw.
202
00:09:18,249 --> 00:09:20,550
Poor vivian.
She gave him her best years.
203
00:09:20,618 --> 00:09:23,954
Oh, honey.
Were you two close?
So close!
204
00:09:25,021 --> 00:09:27,823
I went over and borrowed
an ace bandage from her once.
205
00:09:27,891 --> 00:09:30,526
She let me keep it.
She sounds amazing.
206
00:09:30,593 --> 00:09:33,495
You know,
we should go check on her.
207
00:09:33,563 --> 00:09:36,865
You want to go see if I think
you're cuter than grayson's ex?
Well, I mean, only if you do.
208
00:09:36,933 --> 00:09:38,600
Cute shoes, good shirt,
bad skirt.
209
00:09:38,668 --> 00:09:40,502
Good skirt, good top,
bad shoes.
210
00:09:40,570 --> 00:09:43,205
Are you having a seizure?
Please focus.
211
00:09:43,273 --> 00:09:45,474
Come on, vivian.
Go on your lunch break.
212
00:09:45,542 --> 00:09:47,476
I've never stalked anyone
before.
213
00:09:47,544 --> 00:09:49,011
Well, one time
214
00:09:49,079 --> 00:09:51,613
I tracked down this chick
that slept with my boyfriend,
215
00:09:51,681 --> 00:09:54,516
Stole her identity and got her
kicked out of college.
216
00:09:54,584 --> 00:09:57,753
Does that count?
I don't have to know everything
about you, okay, laurie?
217
00:09:57,821 --> 00:10:00,255
Okay.
(door bells jingle)
218
00:10:00,323 --> 00:10:02,224
Oh, this might be her.
You are way cuter than she is.
219
00:10:02,292 --> 00:10:04,860
You're not elooking,
just doing my job. Oh, wow!
220
00:10:04,928 --> 00:10:07,229
See? You do think
she's prettier than me.
221
00:10:07,297 --> 00:10:09,965
(laughs)
I'll tell you something about
vivian that you don't know.
222
00:10:10,033 --> 00:10:11,667
She flaunts it, laurie.
223
00:10:11,735 --> 00:10:15,270
The entire block thought
she was a giant bitch.
Jules! Look.
224
00:10:17,607 --> 00:10:20,342
Oh, I'm so happy for her.
225
00:10:20,410 --> 00:10:22,678
Preggers and engaged?
226
00:10:22,746 --> 00:10:25,748
Oh, I'd love to rub it
in his face.
So do it
227
00:10:25,815 --> 00:10:28,183
No. That's too mean.
But he's been torturing you.
228
00:10:28,251 --> 00:10:30,219
And being mean
is such a rush.
229
00:10:30,286 --> 00:10:33,155
It's like that feeling you get
when someone loses weight,
230
00:10:33,223 --> 00:10:37,292
And then they brag about it,
and then they gain it all back.
231
00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:40,229
Ohh!
(laughs)
232
00:10:40,296 --> 00:10:42,231
Oh.
233
00:10:42,298 --> 00:10:44,433
Do you even know
how to be mean?
234
00:10:44,501 --> 00:10:46,568
Hell, yeah! When someone
gets buggy with me,
235
00:10:46,636 --> 00:10:48,303
You know what I do?
236
00:10:48,371 --> 00:10:50,072
I don't.
No.
237
00:10:50,140 --> 00:10:52,541
Well, first if someone
hurts my feelings,
238
00:10:52,609 --> 00:10:55,444
I get really, really sad
for two days,
239
00:10:55,512 --> 00:10:57,379
But, um, then--then I act
insanely nice to them
240
00:10:57,447 --> 00:10:59,548
So they feel totally guilty.
Does that work?
241
00:10:59,616 --> 00:11:02,051
I like to think
it stings a little.
242
00:11:02,118 --> 00:11:05,287
Jules, if you don't torch
this cocky bastard, then I will.
No, no. I want to do it.
243
00:11:05,355 --> 00:11:08,357
What is this weird mirror?
No, no. Stay away from it.
244
00:11:08,425 --> 00:11:12,961
Oh, my god!
245
00:11:13,029 --> 00:11:15,597
I see a little mustache.
246
00:11:18,165 --> 00:11:19,367
Where did this woman go?
247
00:11:19,335 --> 00:11:21,270
Come on.
You still look like that.
248
00:11:21,337 --> 00:11:26,873
Should I just stop obsessing
about how much older I look?
249
00:11:26,941 --> 00:11:30,977
Yes, because you are
a stunningly beautiful woman.
250
00:11:31,045 --> 00:11:32,446
Wrong.
251
00:11:32,513 --> 00:11:35,682
The correct response is
"you don't look any older."
252
00:11:35,750 --> 00:11:38,852
That was a trap.
We're not gonna do this.
253
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,088
In fact...
254
00:11:41,155 --> 00:11:44,391
I'd like
to use my last card.
255
00:11:44,459 --> 00:11:47,894
Your cards are
no longer honored
256
00:11:47,962 --> 00:11:50,931
At this establishment.
257
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,508
(gasps)
258
00:12:01,576 --> 00:12:03,610
(bottles clink)
if you were my son,
259
00:12:03,678 --> 00:12:07,447
And I really wanted you
to eat this, would you?
Yes, out of love.
260
00:12:07,515 --> 00:12:10,217
Exactly.
One cosmo, you jerk.
261
00:12:10,284 --> 00:12:11,384
Okay.
262
00:12:11,452 --> 00:12:12,853
♪
263
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:15,889
So I'm guessing jules
showed you our sex tape?
264
00:12:15,957 --> 00:12:18,658
Yep.
Did she show you
the part when--
265
00:12:18,726 --> 00:12:21,161
Yep. It never goes away.
266
00:12:21,229 --> 00:12:22,629
(mouths word)
267
00:12:22,697 --> 00:12:25,165
Here you go, angry chick.
268
00:12:25,233 --> 00:12:29,069
I hope you were smart enough
to snag your sex tapes
269
00:12:29,137 --> 00:12:32,572
Before you left your wife.
Ah, I didn't leave her.
She left me.
270
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:34,908
Why?
Oh, I wanted kids,
and she didn't.
271
00:12:34,976 --> 00:12:37,244
It's one of those problems
you just can't fix.
272
00:12:37,311 --> 00:12:39,579
So she left.
273
00:12:41,149 --> 00:12:42,749
It sucked.
274
00:12:42,817 --> 00:12:44,651
(singsong voice)
guess who I saw today!
275
00:12:44,719 --> 00:12:47,454
(slow motion voice) no!
276
00:12:47,522 --> 00:12:51,525
Your ex-wife--she's happy,
she's engaged and get this--
277
00:12:51,592 --> 00:12:53,226
She's preggers.
(sighs)
278
00:12:57,431 --> 00:12:58,865
Burn on who? Huh?
279
00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:01,568
I say burn on you, pal!
280
00:13:01,636 --> 00:13:02,869
(slaps counter)
281
00:13:02,937 --> 00:13:05,472
How'd I do?
282
00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:08,036
I can't believe I did that.
283
00:13:08,104 --> 00:13:10,439
I feel so guilty,
I could actually cry.
284
00:13:10,507 --> 00:13:14,276
Why are you eating like that?
It tastes better this way.
I don't know why.
285
00:13:14,344 --> 00:13:17,179
And stop watching me eat. I
thought we had an understanding.
286
00:13:17,247 --> 00:13:20,282
No. I can eat junk food
in front of other people.
287
00:13:20,350 --> 00:13:22,418
Oh, yay for you, laurie.
Turn around.
288
00:13:24,020 --> 00:13:26,488
Nice bite.
What are you, a wolf?
289
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,223
I just want my treat.
290
00:13:28,291 --> 00:13:30,125
Your sex tape
ruined my marriage.
291
00:13:30,193 --> 00:13:32,294
My husband and I
will never have sex again
292
00:13:32,362 --> 00:13:35,164
Because of you and your stupid,
hot, 20-year-old body.
293
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:37,366
It made me hate my ancient,
294
00:13:37,434 --> 00:13:40,335
Saggy, 40-year-old,
train-wreck body.
295
00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:41,904
Don't watch me eat.
296
00:13:44,107 --> 00:13:46,175
Turn away. Turn away.
She's way worse than me.
297
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,843
She gets violent.
298
00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:50,712
Eek.
Okay, I'm gonna go talk
to grayson.
299
00:13:50,780 --> 00:13:53,048
Will you make sure
ellie's okay?
I hate her.
300
00:13:53,116 --> 00:13:55,017
Oh, come on.
Way deep down inside,
301
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:57,085
You must like her a little,
right?
I don't think I do.
302
00:13:57,153 --> 00:14:01,123
You stay here for 30 minutes,
I'll give you Friday off.
303
00:14:03,191 --> 00:14:04,891
Hey.
304
00:14:04,959 --> 00:14:06,593
You want to talk?
305
00:14:06,661 --> 00:14:09,863
(mouth full)
I said don't watch me eat!
Ow! Ow!
306
00:14:11,999 --> 00:14:15,335
It's so awesome
that you drive a golf cart,
307
00:14:15,403 --> 00:14:18,538
'cause that way, we get
to make, like, 9,000 trips.
308
00:14:18,606 --> 00:14:19,673
Dad?
309
00:14:19,740 --> 00:14:22,342
(singsong voice) dad?
310
00:14:22,410 --> 00:14:25,712
(high-pitched voice) hi, junior.
I was married to demi moore.
311
00:14:25,780 --> 00:14:28,048
I'm not eating it.
312
00:14:28,115 --> 00:14:30,183
Fine.
313
00:14:30,251 --> 00:14:31,952
I'll eat it then.
314
00:14:32,019 --> 00:14:33,520
(grunts)
315
00:14:33,588 --> 00:14:35,889
(crunches)
see? No big deal.
316
00:14:35,957 --> 00:14:38,258
I just wanted us to... Ugh!
317
00:14:38,326 --> 00:14:39,993
(gags)
318
00:14:40,061 --> 00:14:43,263
Horrible.
319
00:14:43,331 --> 00:14:46,166
I just wanted us to have
a thing like me and my dad.
320
00:14:46,234 --> 00:14:48,401
Now you don't like golf,
you don't like boats,
321
00:14:48,469 --> 00:14:49,970
You don't like playing
322
00:14:50,037 --> 00:14:52,506
"let's throw things
at each other's nuts."
323
00:14:52,573 --> 00:14:55,475
I mean, sometimes I wonder
what part of you is me.
Come on. I just--
324
00:14:55,543 --> 00:14:57,477
Not now. I gotta go harf.
(coughs)
325
00:15:08,222 --> 00:15:10,857
How you doing?
So great.
326
00:15:10,925 --> 00:15:12,759
I'm so sorry
I was the one to,
327
00:15:12,827 --> 00:15:14,861
Well, break the news
about vivian.
328
00:15:14,929 --> 00:15:17,697
No, no, I'm glad
it came from you.
You don't mean that.
329
00:15:17,765 --> 00:15:19,866
I really don't.
330
00:15:19,934 --> 00:15:22,335
Okay, look,
we can either talk this out,
331
00:15:22,403 --> 00:15:24,738
Or I could just never speak
to you again.
332
00:15:24,805 --> 00:15:27,774
I shouldn't have given that
as an option.
333
00:15:32,612 --> 00:15:35,247
What?!
334
00:15:35,315 --> 00:15:36,849
And b.T.W., she hit me.
335
00:15:36,916 --> 00:15:39,618
She was watching me eat.
I was not watching you eat.
336
00:15:39,686 --> 00:15:41,854
I saw you--
you--
you don't watch people eat.
337
00:15:41,921 --> 00:15:44,623
It makes us want to cry.
338
00:15:44,691 --> 00:15:47,726
And you, ellie torres--
you are a foxy treat.
339
00:15:47,794 --> 00:15:51,130
Your opinion means nothing.
You're always nice to me.
340
00:15:51,197 --> 00:15:54,633
Okay, laurie isn't. Laurie,
say something nice to ellie.
341
00:15:54,701 --> 00:15:58,737
I can't.
Admit it. You know she is
a smoking piece of ass.
342
00:15:58,805 --> 00:16:00,606
Ugh. Fine.
343
00:16:00,673 --> 00:16:05,144
She's hot for a frigid,
beastly, elderly woman.
344
00:16:05,211 --> 00:16:06,912
You think I'm hot?
345
00:16:06,980 --> 00:16:08,447
That worked?
346
00:16:08,515 --> 00:16:11,316
Well, yeah, because if that
trashy, big-lipped slag said it,
347
00:16:11,384 --> 00:16:13,585
It might be a little true.
348
00:16:13,653 --> 00:16:16,088
You think I have big lips?
That's really sweet.
349
00:16:16,156 --> 00:16:18,290
(cell phone beeps)
all right.
My 30 minutes is up.
350
00:16:18,358 --> 00:16:20,425
I'm out. Bye, jules.
Later, grandma.
351
00:16:20,493 --> 00:16:21,395
Oh, hey, jules.
352
00:16:23,962 --> 00:16:26,631
Are you really in my bedroom
watching our tape?
353
00:16:26,698 --> 00:16:29,500
I mean, seriously,
is this actually happening?
Calm down.
354
00:16:29,568 --> 00:16:32,336
I was just packing up the last
of my stuff and I got nostalgic.
355
00:16:32,404 --> 00:16:34,739
I mean, ignore us
going at it for a second
356
00:16:34,807 --> 00:16:37,308
And look at our old apartmen
you remember that nasty couch?
357
00:16:37,376 --> 00:16:39,577
We found that on the street.
358
00:16:39,645 --> 00:16:42,613
You just can't find good
furniture on the street anymore.
359
00:16:42,681 --> 00:16:45,616
(laughs)
oh, and there's
our one bathroom.
360
00:16:45,684 --> 00:16:48,653
It didn't even have a door.
You loved that.
361
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:50,555
Mm. So convenient.
(chuckles)
362
00:16:50,622 --> 00:16:53,324
You know why I like
watching this tape?
363
00:16:53,392 --> 00:16:56,594
Mm.
I ke remembering
all this.
364
00:16:56,662 --> 00:16:59,030
I like seeing us
when we were happy together.
365
00:16:59,097 --> 00:17:01,933
Me, too.
366
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,868
Plus, I love it
when you turn around
367
00:17:03,936 --> 00:17:06,437
And you pick your leg up.
(laughs)
and I'm out.
368
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:09,540
Can I come in?
369
00:17:09,608 --> 00:17:12,577
"I thought you were never
going to talk to me again,"
370
00:17:12,644 --> 00:17:15,279
He said hopefully.
I'll be inside.
You come in when you're ready.
371
00:17:15,347 --> 00:17:16,380
(birds calling)
372
00:17:16,448 --> 00:17:17,882
Ohh!
373
00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:20,784
What the hell?!
374
00:17:20,852 --> 00:17:24,588
Sorry. I pictured that being
much more of a bonding moment.
375
00:17:24,655 --> 00:17:26,223
You got me.
376
00:17:26,290 --> 00:17:28,358
You know, dad, I'm trying.
377
00:17:28,426 --> 00:17:30,794
Forget about all that,
all right?
378
00:17:30,862 --> 00:17:32,796
You know, we don't need
to have a thing.
379
00:17:32,864 --> 00:17:34,731
Just because I like eating
fossilized cheetos
380
00:17:34,732 --> 00:17:37,534
Doesn't mean you have to.
Well, maybe that's it.
381
00:17:37,602 --> 00:17:40,670
Maybe me getting you to do
stupid things...
382
00:17:40,738 --> 00:17:42,606
Can be our thing.
383
00:17:42,973 --> 00:17:45,675
I'm listening.
384
00:17:45,743 --> 00:17:48,878
Well, you've got a real flair
for decorating.
385
00:17:48,946 --> 00:17:51,080
She took everything.
What do you want?
386
00:17:51,148 --> 00:17:53,883
Look, your marriage sucked.
387
00:17:53,951 --> 00:17:57,387
Thank you.
And my marriage sucked.
But why would you let me think
388
00:17:57,454 --> 00:18:00,356
That you're some jerk
who walked away from his wife?
389
00:18:00,424 --> 00:18:02,392
I don't know. Maybe,
for some reason, I thought
390
00:18:02,459 --> 00:18:05,562
You'd be really annoying
and want to talk about it.
391
00:18:05,629 --> 00:18:08,464
Or maybe I'd rather not relive
the superfun adventure
392
00:18:08,532 --> 00:18:11,167
Of having someone you love
just walk away.
393
00:18:11,235 --> 00:18:14,237
Definitely
one of those two things.
Well, you can't just pretend
it didn't happen.
394
00:18:14,305 --> 00:18:16,239
Are you sure?
Because I'm pretending
395
00:18:16,307 --> 00:18:18,441
That this convsation never
happened as it's happening.
396
00:18:18,509 --> 00:18:21,411
Grayson, look, I know what it's
like to want to erase your past.
397
00:18:21,478 --> 00:18:23,379
I had bobby move
all of his crap out
398
00:18:23,447 --> 00:18:26,382
Just so I wouldn't have
a daily reminder of it.
399
00:18:26,450 --> 00:18:28,384
But you can't pack away
your past in boxes.
400
00:18:28,452 --> 00:18:30,286
It's always gonna be a part
of who you are.
401
00:18:30,354 --> 00:18:33,289
I mean, look, you were treated
really, really badly,
402
00:18:33,357 --> 00:18:37,160
Which kind of justifies
why you can be such a tool.
403
00:18:37,228 --> 00:18:40,129
I mean, don't get me wrong,
I was also treated really badly,
404
00:18:40,197 --> 00:18:42,966
But, you know,
I'm super nice. Whatever.
405
00:18:43,033 --> 00:18:45,335
Worst buck-up speech ever.
I'm not done yet.
406
00:18:45,402 --> 00:18:47,337
You need to know
that eventually,
407
00:18:47,404 --> 00:18:49,305
This isn't gonna hurt
so much
408
00:18:49,373 --> 00:18:52,442
And the good times are just
gonna get easier to remember.
409
00:18:52,509 --> 00:18:54,911
And you're gonna end up
being a stronger person
410
00:18:54,979 --> 00:18:57,680
Because of all of the stuff
that you've been through.
411
00:18:57,748 --> 00:19:00,984
I-I promise. Really.
412
00:19:02,251 --> 00:19:04,953
Oh, by the way,
I hated your wife.
413
00:19:05,021 --> 00:19:07,456
She was a total bitch.
Needed to be said.
414
00:19:07,523 --> 00:19:09,591
You deserve better.
415
00:19:11,294 --> 00:19:16,665
Any thoughts? Comments?
Feelings? Questions?
416
00:19:16,732 --> 00:19:20,168
Oh, all right.
Then I'll just see myself out.
417
00:19:20,236 --> 00:19:22,237
Hey, did you say something?
418
00:19:22,305 --> 00:19:25,440
No.
Thought I heard somethin'.
419
00:19:25,508 --> 00:19:27,075
Six, seven,
420
00:19:27,143 --> 00:19:29,945
Eight, nine, ten!
421
00:19:30,012 --> 00:19:32,781
Ohh!
Oh, ho ho!
422
00:19:32,849 --> 00:19:34,483
Nice!
Sick!
423
00:19:34,550 --> 00:19:37,285
Whoo!
What are you guys up to?
424
00:19:37,353 --> 00:19:40,922
Trav dared me to stick the hose
in my mouth for ten seconds.
Can I go next?
425
00:19:40,990 --> 00:19:42,757
It's kind of
a father/son thing.
426
00:19:44,427 --> 00:19:46,428
Oh.
427
00:19:46,496 --> 00:19:48,396
Yeah.
428
00:19:51,834 --> 00:19:54,302
What's wrong?
Life.
429
00:19:54,370 --> 00:19:59,441
Maybe this will make you
feel better.
430
00:19:59,509 --> 00:20:03,044
Thank you for always thinking
I'm beautiful even when I don't.
431
00:20:03,112 --> 00:20:05,046
We can have sex again?
432
00:20:05,114 --> 00:20:07,015
Yes, whenever you like--
now, please.
433
00:20:07,083 --> 00:20:09,184
What? (laughs)
(grunts)
434
00:20:09,252 --> 00:20:12,120
What are you doing?
Nothing. What are you doing?
435
00:20:12,188 --> 00:20:15,457
Reading a book. Ow!
Are you and andy all better?
436
00:20:15,525 --> 00:20:19,761
He's fine. I was calling you
because it's 10:00,
437
00:20:19,829 --> 00:20:22,864
And I was looking outside...
438
00:20:25,234 --> 00:20:27,869
Oh, my god.
His porch light is on.
439
00:20:27,937 --> 00:20:29,938
He admitted it.
You won.
440
00:20:30,006 --> 00:20:31,673
I knew it!
441
00:20:33,276 --> 00:20:35,677
I don't want to talk
about this.
442
00:20:35,745 --> 00:20:38,113
Okay? This is
just me being nice.
443
00:20:38,180 --> 00:20:40,782
Just say it out loud.
Say you're attracted to me,
444
00:20:40,850 --> 00:20:43,051
And I'll never talk to you
about it again.
445
00:20:43,119 --> 00:20:45,720
Leave me alone.
Come on.
What's my best feature?
446
00:20:45,788 --> 00:20:48,790
Is it my butt? 'cause I've been
working really hard on my butt.
447
00:20:50,927 --> 00:20:51,510
Yes!
448
00:20:54,011 --> 00:20:55,911
I can't believe you let me tape us.
Thank you.
449
00:20:55,912 --> 00:20:56,912
You're welcome.
450
00:20:57,413 --> 00:20:58,813
This is very exciting for me.
451
00:20:58,814 --> 00:20:59,814
I know.
452
00:21:04,115 --> 00:21:05,915
Is my back really that hairy?
453
00:21:05,916 --> 00:21:06,516
Yes.
454
00:21:09,517 --> 00:21:10,517
Is this in slow motion?
455
00:21:10,518 --> 00:21:11,518
No.
456
00:21:16,519 --> 00:21:17,519
Can we just erase this?
457
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:18,520
Yes.
458
00:21:18,521 --> 00:21:19,521
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
459
00:21:20,521 --> 00:21:21,521
No.