1
00:00:09,275 --> 00:00:12,005
Oh! Check out these posers.

2
00:00:12,045 --> 00:00:15,845
[Imitates man] "Dude, how much
do you love my Greco-Roman sandals

3
00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:20,080
and super-groomed sideburns?
I call them my douche-burns."

4
00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:22,645
[Jules imitates man] "Did you see
my giant leather man-bracelet?

5
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:26,250
I got it because my vest with no shirt
just needed a little something."

6
00:00:26,292 --> 00:00:29,750
"Hey, let's high-five!
Yay! We did it!"

7
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,392
OK, it's 6:00. I'm heading home.

8
00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:35,526
What? No, wait. You can't quit.
I said the last mean thing.

9
00:00:35,568 --> 00:00:40,528
You always do this! That's why I don't
play ugly baby with you anymore.

10
00:00:40,573 --> 00:00:43,508
Now I'm just gonna spiral all day
because I'm a horrible person.

11
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:46,341
Well, that's your insane cross to bear.
Come on, let's go.

12
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,538
[Sighs] I have so much work
to do at home.

13
00:00:49,582 --> 00:00:52,210
We have an early showing tomorrow,
so pick me up at 8:00.

14
00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:53,947
Not 8:00-ish, not 8:00 adjacent.

15
00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:55,955
And calling me at 8:00
from 20 minutes away,

16
00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:57,957
saying, "Come out, I'm here!"
Also doesn't count.

17
00:00:57,991 --> 00:00:59,618
You have a lot of rules.

18
00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:03,356
Hi. I'm really, really sorry.

19
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:06,559
I'm not comfortable telling you why, but
I just needed to put it out there, OK?

20
00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:08,760
And that's a great bracelet,
by the way. Bye.

21
00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:12,500
Don't look at me. That was your fault.

22
00:01:13,773 --> 00:01:15,707
I know you like moving those hips,
Sheila,

23
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:18,768
so put that torque into your swing,
OK? I'll see you next week.

24
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,848
Since you're sleeping with her,
does she pay you more?

25
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,180
- No.
- Oh, don't get down.

26
00:01:29,222 --> 00:01:31,122
She probably bought you lunch
or something, right?

27
00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:34,388
- Got me a large root beer, baby.
- Well, there you go.

28
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:37,191
- Where's Travis?
- He's in the clubhouse with the boys.

29
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:39,494
You know, Shepp, Donnie,
Bitch-Slap Harris.

30
00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:42,734
T-Man, your ride's here.

31
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:46,796
Hey, Mom. Look. Look what
Donnie drew. He's a tattoo artist.

32
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,468
He mostly draws snakes doing
horrible things to naked chicks.

33
00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:52,239
- Aww.
- Although this looks consensual.

34
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:53,973
She doesn't look happy, Travis.

35
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,806
Good to see you, Donnie,
Shepp, Carl.

36
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,011
Jules, you know you can call me
"Bitch-Slap."

37
00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:00,417
I'm choosing not to.

38
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:06,951
Travis, I just wanna talk
to your dad for a second.

39
00:02:06,993 --> 00:02:10,121
- Oh, man.
- Uh-oh. She's got the fake smile face.

40
00:02:10,163 --> 00:02:14,122
What fake smile? This isn't
a fake smile. I'm just happy.

41
00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:15,964
All right, Cobb, here's the deal.

44
00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:23,299
Normally, they're drunk by now.

45
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:25,834
Bobby, what are you doing
wasting your time in there?

46
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:28,507
You were a pro golfer! Sort of.

47
00:02:28,548 --> 00:02:31,779
Your lessons are starting to pick up,
free root beers are rolling in.

48
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,513
If you just worked hard,
you could go

49
00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:36,147
from being the guy that works
part-time at a public course

50
00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:38,054
to head pro at the country club.

51
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:41,993
This is my kingdom, J-Bird.
I mean, look at this plaque over here.

52
00:02:42,028 --> 00:02:45,464
Oh, God, not the plaque. Can we
just once not talk about the plaque?

53
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:47,625
They put this up
when I shot the course record.

54
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:51,125
- And we're off.
- Robert "Bobby" Cobb.

55
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,799
People see this, Jules,
and they respect it.

56
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,536
- [Man] Hey, Champ!
- Excuse me.

57
00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:59,409
- What can I do you for, bud?
- Good boy, Champ.

58
00:02:59,445 --> 00:03:02,005
Good boy, Champ.
Such a good Champ!

59
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:04,374
Oh.

60
00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:07,875
It sucks you're so tired.
Why do you work so hard?

61
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:11,186
<i>- I really wanted to see you tonight.
- [Jules] Me too.</i>

62
00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:14,193
So, what are you wearing?

63
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:17,196
I'm in bed, Josh, so the usual.

64
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:20,666
I've got on a tiny, pink,
see-through nightie.

65
00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:25,963
I'm wearing matching underwear
with tiny bows on the side.

66
00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:31,369
One tug makes them fall right off.

67
00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:34,039
I could be there in five minutes.

68
00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,708
Oh, sweetie, I'm just too tired.

69
00:03:36,749 --> 00:03:38,444
I'm sorry. Good night.

70
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,750
What happened
with the boy toy last night?

71
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:46,281
I knew I had to work early,
so I blew him off.

72
00:03:46,326 --> 00:03:48,590
Which was so dumb,
because I stayed up until 1:00

73
00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:52,064
watching this infomercial about cream
that makes your breasts firmer.

74
00:03:52,098 --> 00:03:53,190
Don't worry. I got you one too.

75
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:56,566
Thanks, but I got up early 'cause
I thought I was gonna get a sex story.

76
00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:57,627
No.

77
00:03:57,670 --> 00:04:00,002
No more blowing off fun stuff
for work. That's insane.

78
00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:03,667
Oh, and I swear,
if you don't stop with the hazelnut,

79
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,974
- I'm gonna start making my own coffee.
- No, you won't.

80
00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:08,913
You're right, I won't.
Even saying it was too much work.

81
00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:11,815
- Eight o'clock. Where is Laurie?
- Well, if I'm guessing,

82
00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:14,217
she's passed out
under some loser who's naked

83
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,222
- except for his hat on backwards.
- Charming.

84
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,952
Hey, Laurie, it's 8:00. Where are you?

85
00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:22,456
I'm pulling up. Come outside.

86
00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:25,487
OK, I'm outside. You're not here.

87
00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:27,465
I am. You just can't see me.

88
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:29,434
<i>Give me two minutes.</i>

89
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:32,131
Hey, paper buddy, do you golf?

90
00:04:32,171 --> 00:04:34,833
Oh, good. We're playing
the obvious question game.

91
00:04:34,874 --> 00:04:37,638
I'm great at this.
Do you ever wear white dresses?

92
00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:39,668
Seriously, do you golf with other guys?

93
00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:41,839
Do you ever carry folders right here?

94
00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:43,075
[Horn honks]

95
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:46,882
- Hi.
- Don't say hi to me. I'm mad at you.

96
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:51,048
Look, I think it would be good for my
ex-husband to make some new friends.

97
00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:53,820
And I think it would be good for you
to, well, have a friend.

98
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:54,918
[Loud music, muffled]

99
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,690
No, no. No radio.

100
00:04:56,729 --> 00:05:00,529
- [Mouths] What am I supposed to do?
- I don't care what you do, Laurie!

101
00:05:00,566 --> 00:05:03,330
- You're being punished!
- [Radio off]

102
00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:05,462
Anyway,
you and Bobby should play golf.

103
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:08,497
Oh, well, I'm currently not looking
to get set up on a playdate.

104
00:05:08,541 --> 00:05:11,533
Normally I'd listen to your blah-blah,
but right now I have to go show a house.

105
00:05:11,577 --> 00:05:14,205
So here's the deal.
Bobby's a good guy.

106
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:15,942
You can either play golf with him now

107
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:19,076
or play with him three weeks from now
after I've spent all this time

108
00:05:19,118 --> 00:05:21,882
just grinding you down
by talking and talking and talking.

109
00:05:21,921 --> 00:05:23,889
You'll wonder if I'll ever need
to take a breath, but I won't.

110
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:27,222
I was a swimmer in high school,
and I'll just talk and talk and talk...

111
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,989
Fine.

112
00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:31,053
Thank God.
I thought I was gonna pass out.

113
00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:33,031
Now you're making us late.

114
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,694
Are you driving in your panties?

115
00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:39,330
I was air-drying my skirt and it got
away from me! You made me rush.

116
00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:40,964
Oh, dear Lord.

117
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:47,646
- Yes! I got it, I got it!
- That was awesome!

118
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,841
You don't get to celebrate.
I'm still mad.

119
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:52,785
All right, I'm over it.
Did you see that?

120
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:55,583
- You rock!
- [Both] Whoo!

121
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,328
Of course Laurie was late again.
She's a slaggy, dumb-ass townie.

122
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,422
You are a very angry person.

123
00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:07,558
- You chose to be here.
- Stop it.

124
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:11,036
I wanted to see the outfit
I got her for her first open house.

125
00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:12,332
Ta-da!

126
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:16,433
Oh, my God. You look amazing.
Really, I am so proud of you.

127
00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:18,603
Stop, don't make me cry.

128
00:06:18,644 --> 00:06:21,943
So dummy screws up again,
and she gets rewarded?

129
00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:26,042
Ellie, I have been so busy working,
I'm too tired to even see Josh.

130
00:06:26,085 --> 00:06:28,553
So Laurie's gonna take over
some of my workload.

131
00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:31,455
You're the one who said,
"Make more time for fun."

132
00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:35,621
Aw, thanks for my promotion, Ellie.
So sweet of you.

133
00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:38,794
All right, do me a favor.
Give us a jump.

134
00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:44,430
- [Both] Whoa.
- OK. Clearly, the bra's not working.

135
00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:47,769
You're selling real estate. You want
a little jiggle for the husband,

136
00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:49,468
but you don't want
too much for the wife.

137
00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:53,104
I could duct tape these bad boys
and there'd still be too much jiggle.

138
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:57,276
- [Gags] Stupid hazelnut.
- There you go. Here, problem solved.

139
00:06:57,316 --> 00:06:59,876
- You're mean!
- I'll get over it.

140
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,149
Here's the kind of bra
you're looking for. See?

141
00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:04,816
Pow! Check out the support.

142
00:07:04,857 --> 00:07:06,222
Oh, hey, Trav.

143
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,318
Shirt down, then "Hey, Trav."

144
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:12,161
- Sorry. Hey, Trav.
- Too late. Scarred for life.

145
00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:14,689
Oh, calm down.
These used to feed you.

146
00:07:16,502 --> 00:07:19,938
OK, I'm gonna go change.
I feel creepy with my knees covered.

147
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,768
What are you doing?
She's the world's worst assistant.

148
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:26,711
No, she's not. She just needs
someone to believe in her.

149
00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:28,509
She's probably bored answering phones.

150
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:32,348
She's like those kids in school that get
F's because they're just not challenged.

151
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:35,218
Sometimes kids get F's
because they're stupid.

152
00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:38,351
- Stop doing that!
- Stop talking.

153
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:39,756
- What?
- No, no.

154
00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:44,220
There he is!
Grayson, the son of Gray.

155
00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:47,664
- You mind if I call you G-Man?
- I do. Very much.

156
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:50,897
Brr! No, I get it.
We hardly know each other.

157
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:52,700
That's the beautiful thing
about golf, G-Man.

158
00:07:52,738 --> 00:07:55,969
You can swing sticks with just about
anybody. I golfed with this dude

159
00:07:56,008 --> 00:07:58,476
who got out of the hospital
for a fractured skull,

160
00:07:58,511 --> 00:08:01,309
and he had one of those
giant metal halo-looking things

161
00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:03,178
screwed to his head, I kid you not.

162
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,184
That thing must have weighed
40 pounds.

163
00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:09,514
He collapsed on the third green.
Hot day, very hot day.

164
00:08:09,555 --> 00:08:12,217
So you and Jules both like to chat.

165
00:08:14,527 --> 00:08:17,257
Oh! Boo-ya!

166
00:08:17,296 --> 00:08:19,196
That thing's not coming down for a while

167
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:21,291
if you wanna go catch a movie
or something.

168
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,302
Sweet shot, stud. I'll go spot it.

169
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,463
What the hell was that?

170
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,338
Andy doesn't golf.
He just comes out here to cheer me on

171
00:08:28,374 --> 00:08:30,365
and beverage me and whatnot.

172
00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:32,502
Just keeps getting better.

173
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:39,108
Now, staging an open house
is all about making it feel comfortable.

174
00:08:39,151 --> 00:08:43,087
Little tip: You can never have
too many bowls of wooden fruit.

175
00:08:43,122 --> 00:08:46,182
- Why does that work?
- Nobody knows. It just does.

176
00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:48,159
OK, we're gonna put this bowl
right here.

177
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:51,186
Jules! Go, have fun with Josh.
I can do this.

178
00:08:51,230 --> 00:08:53,926
- Of course you can. Bye, sweetie.
- OK.

179
00:08:56,068 --> 00:08:57,831
- Not there!
- Go!

180
00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:01,732
You look just as amazing
as I've imagined...

181
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:06,906
...every single night.
- [Gurgles] Oh, God.

182
00:09:06,946 --> 00:09:09,744
That was so sexy,
I made a weird noise.

183
00:09:11,450 --> 00:09:13,975
Oh, it's so good to see you.

184
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:19,721
- What's with the grandma hand-pat?
- I'm just not big on PDA.

185
00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:22,193
I feel like you're embarrassed by me
or something.

186
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:25,664
No. Josh, this is my crazy. Uh-uh.

187
00:09:25,698 --> 00:09:28,189
- What can I do to make it better?
- Kiss me.

188
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,361
Right here in front of God
and everyone.

189
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,530
Oh, I'm not gonna kiss
in front of God.

190
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,405
- What do you think?
- Give me a sec.

191
00:09:35,441 --> 00:09:38,274
- What do I think?
- You think you're a grown woman,

192
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,336
and you can kiss
whoever you wanna kiss.

193
00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:43,140
I'll tell you what you think, Jules.

194
00:09:43,182 --> 00:09:46,447
Tongue that boy down. He's hot!

195
00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:48,419
That is another very valid point.

196
00:09:48,454 --> 00:09:52,151
Nezzie, get off the sofa. You're
getting body glitter on the pillows.

197
00:09:52,191 --> 00:09:55,627
- Ignoring that. How's it coming?
- I think I'm done.

198
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,288
You know what I do
when I think I'm done?

199
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:59,321
<i>- Leave?
- No.</i>

200
00:09:59,365 --> 00:10:02,198
I sit there for another hour,
and I just soak up the vibe.

201
00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:05,567
Sometimes you come up with a special
touch that takes it to the next level.

202
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,835
Vibe-soaking, special touch. Got it.

203
00:10:08,874 --> 00:10:11,900
Come on. Dale's barbecue
started over an hour ago.

204
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:14,310
- Don't you wanna go?
- Of course I do.

205
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:17,111
OK, do you remember Chrissy,
that skank Dale hooked up with,

206
00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:20,846
like, four years ago when we were
broken up? She's back from Afghanistan,

207
00:10:20,886 --> 00:10:23,377
and I'm gonna kick her ass
in front of everyone.

208
00:10:23,422 --> 00:10:26,050
That's why I got my fighting nails on.

209
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:29,152
Never forget, Nezzie.
You never forget.

210
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:31,493
- [Both grunt]
- Let's hit it.

211
00:10:33,699 --> 00:10:37,658
You remind me of the statue
of David. He's nude.

212
00:10:39,071 --> 00:10:42,063
- Barb, what the hell are you doing?
- Oh, kitten, don't you know

213
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:45,339
you should never leave
your luggage unattended.

214
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:49,109
All right, keep it moving. OK,
let's both just try to shake that off.

215
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:52,743
- I can't.
- All right, the public kiss.

216
00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:56,346
I've been doing some soul-searching,
and I am in.

217
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,481
Great.

218
00:10:58,724 --> 00:11:00,658
First, can we talk about
the way you kiss?

219
00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:01,785
Say what now?

220
00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:04,057
You opened the door
by bringing up the kissing,

221
00:11:04,096 --> 00:11:06,087
and, well, honestly,
I've been trying to work my way

222
00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:08,225
into that conversation for days.

223
00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:09,666
Good.

224
00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:13,297
You are fantastic on the neck.
Seriously, kudos.

225
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,364
However...

226
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:16,705
All right.

227
00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:20,169
Pretend this is my mouth, OK?

228
00:11:20,212 --> 00:11:23,045
You wanna use less tongue.
You're not a cow at a salt lick.

229
00:11:24,483 --> 00:11:26,815
You know, that's just so sloppy.
No one wants that.

230
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:30,788
Now, pretend that you're
a curious little garden snake.

231
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,328
I got this, I got this.

232
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:37,920
[Clears throat]

233
00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:43,099
OK, now your tongue peeks in,
gets spooked and then it's out.

234
00:11:43,135 --> 00:11:46,332
That's it. OK, now, work that tongue.
No, no, no. No cow.

235
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:49,341
Little garden snake. Little snake.

236
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:52,071
Work it. Oh, there you go. OK.

237
00:11:52,111 --> 00:11:55,478
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Travis!

238
00:11:55,514 --> 00:11:57,982
My goodness!
This is my friend Josh.

239
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:02,015
- He eats weird.
- [Chuckles] He does.

240
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,614
Anyway, just saw you, wanted to say hi.

241
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,720
But now I don't.
Didn't mean to interrupt.

242
00:12:08,761 --> 00:12:12,720
- Interrupt what? Travis.
- Bye, Mom.

243
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,733
Good luck with that apple, Josh.

244
00:12:15,768 --> 00:12:17,099
[Sighs]

245
00:12:18,871 --> 00:12:20,236
Kaboom!

246
00:12:20,272 --> 00:12:22,968
Oh, Ellie hates it when I hang
with Bobby, so do me a solid

247
00:12:23,008 --> 00:12:24,942
and don't mention this
next time you talk to her.

248
00:12:24,977 --> 00:12:28,037
The only time I ever spoke to your wife,
she told me she'd, and I quote,

249
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:31,379
"pay someone to do me prison style"
if I didn't bring my trash cans in.

250
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:32,850
- So we're cool.
- I am.

251
00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:34,716
You're married to a scary person.

252
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:40,755
Oh, oh, oh!
Something's hinky with your swing.

253
00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:45,021
- What are you doing?
- Making magic. Trust me.

254
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,866
Man, you smell nice. I'm kidding.

255
00:12:50,469 --> 00:12:52,937
All right, use that stance.

256
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,066
Whoo!

257
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:58,668
Wow! Thanks, man.

258
00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:01,703
- You gonna go spot my shot?
- I'm not your bitch.

259
00:13:05,851 --> 00:13:08,285
And regrouped. OK, let's do this.

260
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,880
- Seriously?
- Just close your eyes.

261
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:16,092
All right, just a little snake.
Just a little snake.

262
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:17,993
[Cell phone rings]

263
00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:20,965
I went to a party,
and I got a bloody nose.

264
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,831
What? How?

265
00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:27,100
I underestimated the fighting skills
of one of our nation's finest soldiers.

266
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:29,835
But I picked myself up,
and I went back to the house,

267
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:32,173
you know, just to special-touch it?

268
00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:36,443
Jules, I did not know
that their son would be here.

269
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:39,974
Someone really needs to tell that kid
not to sneak up behind people.

270
00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:41,316
How bad is it?

271
00:13:41,353 --> 00:13:42,980
It's not good.

272
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:52,458
I am so sorry. I got you a treat.

273
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:56,935
Do you think a pastry is gonna make up
for ruining my one day off with Josh?

274
00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:58,596
Because it's not.

275
00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:00,835
Is that a cranberry scone?

276
00:14:01,907 --> 00:14:04,637
I'm fishing that out only because
there is nothing else in the trash can

277
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,407
- except for gum, and that was mine.
- Jules, I can explain.

278
00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:10,574
You beat their son's face in
with a wooden banana!

279
00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:12,516
I thought he was an intruder!

280
00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:15,748
And I already used all my pepper spray
on my neighbor's stupid cat!

281
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:19,087
Why are you freaking out?
This was an accident.

282
00:14:19,124 --> 00:14:21,217
Look, I did a great job
staging that house.

283
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,023
I just went back to add the flowers
because...

284
00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:25,053
That's the difference between you and I.

285
00:14:25,097 --> 00:14:27,861
I would never have left
unless the job was finished.

286
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:31,336
- That is so unfair.
- What are you doing?

287
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:34,498
I bought an ugly, no-jiggle bra
and you didn't even notice.

288
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,371
I was gonna take it off
and throw it at you

289
00:14:36,408 --> 00:14:38,899
but it has, like, 20 hooks,
so just forget it!

290
00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:42,174
So now you're mad at me?
That's what's happening.

291
00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:45,206
Did I miss it? She looked devastated.
Tell me everything.

292
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:48,985
Need one!

293
00:14:51,156 --> 00:14:53,647
- That's pretty great service.
- Thanks.

294
00:14:53,692 --> 00:14:57,526
- Hey, you do really smell nice.
- Yeah? New cologne.

295
00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:00,726
- I wasn't sure.
- No, it's good. It's musky.

296
00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:02,256
Now go sink this.

297
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:07,595
No! No, no, no, no. If he sinks this,
he's gonna break your course record.

298
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:08,664
Really?

299
00:15:10,676 --> 00:15:13,804
Noonan! Mm-baa!

300
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:16,212
- Distraction!
- Really?

301
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:19,684
No more. All right.
Go on, G-Man, drain it.

302
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,015
No!

303
00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:27,015
Yes!

304
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:29,525
- Nice round.
- Thank you.

305
00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:31,791
[Jules] What the hell were you thinking?

306
00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:35,789
Do you know how much his self-esteem
is tied to that stupid record?

307
00:15:35,834 --> 00:15:38,530
Relax, banana pants. He was just fine.

308
00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:42,671
What are you looking at?

309
00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:50,246
OK, thanks to dummy here,
we have a family crisis.

310
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:54,412
Bobby's best quality is that
he's always upbeat. Mr. Sunshine.

311
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:57,684
But let's all remember those
rare times when he was depressed.

312
00:15:57,723 --> 00:15:59,987
Like that time he tried
to karate-chop a coconut

313
00:16:00,025 --> 00:16:01,652
and couldn't play golf for three months?

314
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:05,528
Exactly. I mean, I think we've all had
those late night heart-to-hearts

315
00:16:05,564 --> 00:16:09,000
with a drunk, crying man
in his underwear. That's not fun.

316
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:11,298
That train's coming back, people.

317
00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:13,669
So I put out some food,
but this thing snuck up on me

318
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,799
so all I had is some old carrots,
some whole wheat waffles

319
00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:18,503
- and a brick of pepper jack.
- I'll split a waffle with someone.

320
00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:21,206
- Yes, please.
- Are you sure this thing's in range?

321
00:16:21,246 --> 00:16:23,305
- Stan sounds like an old Italian woman.
- [Stan cooing on monitor]

322
00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:24,816
So is this what you people do?

323
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:28,342
Bottom feed out of the fridge and talk
about me beating a grown man in golf?

324
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:30,412
- You and Bobby played golf today?
- Stop it.

325
00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:32,686
I'll hit that cheese
if no one's going there.

326
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:33,953
Who's that guy?

327
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,553
He's just a very nice, new,
special friend.

328
00:16:36,595 --> 00:16:39,826
My mom's dating him, but it's easier
for her to act like I don't know.

329
00:16:39,865 --> 00:16:43,096
Then do that, Travis.
All right, back to Bobby.

330
00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:46,161
- How can we fix this?
- I could take him to Vegas.

331
00:16:46,205 --> 00:16:47,968
You're done. Go check on Stan.

332
00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:53,178
- Can't this guy just say he cheated?
- Great idea, new dad.

333
00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:54,804
- Dude!
- Dude.

334
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:58,374
Fantastic. Wow,
but I gotta go to work.

335
00:16:58,417 --> 00:17:01,318
<i>Adiós, crazy people.
I'm taking a waffle.</i>

336
00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:04,720
- Waffles are for helpers!
- Dude, gotta go.

337
00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:06,918
- Good times, Mom.
- I probably should get going.

338
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:09,894
You are coming with me.
Come on.

339
00:17:09,928 --> 00:17:12,453
All right, we're going right back
to where we left off.

340
00:17:12,498 --> 00:17:16,434
Public-style kissing will happen today.
I've just got one thing to do.

341
00:17:16,468 --> 00:17:19,767
- Jules, I'm sad.
- OK, two things to do.

342
00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:26,675
You broke him, you fix him.
Come on, Josh. Try to keep up.

343
00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:31,242
Jules said you'd make me some soup.

344
00:17:31,283 --> 00:17:34,047
- Soup?
- Soup!

345
00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:39,418
- Hey. Can I talk to you for a second?
- Sure.

346
00:17:41,193 --> 00:17:44,526
Wow, you flopped down on that chair
and you barely had any jiggle at all.

347
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:46,895
It's because I can't get
this stupid bra off.

348
00:17:46,932 --> 00:17:49,127
Apparently, you have to wear it forever.

349
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:52,626
Do you wanna know why I lost my kinkies
at you about that open house?

350
00:17:52,671 --> 00:17:54,832
Yeah, so you could
spend more time with him.

351
00:17:54,873 --> 00:17:56,841
No, stay out there.

352
00:17:57,876 --> 00:17:59,810
Yes, I do want
to take more time for myself.

353
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:02,040
Now, I have earned that.

354
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:06,142
But... All right, I'm gonna get
a little corny and brace yourself.

355
00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:07,209
[Exhales]

356
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:08,276
Ready.

357
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,550
You remind me of me
when I was younger.

358
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:13,251
- [Scoffs]
- You do. You have all this potential,

359
00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:15,920
and you don't realize you could do
anything with your life.

360
00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:17,929
I just want you
to want more for yourself.

361
00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:19,396
[Laurie] I do!

362
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:23,060
I went to a party with
a professional-grade margarita machine,

363
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:27,163
and I left because I cared about
doing a good job! That's a first!

364
00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:28,901
Oh, come here.

365
00:18:30,909 --> 00:18:33,673
Ow! Wow! That is a sharp, pointy bra.

366
00:18:33,712 --> 00:18:36,340
I know! They're like
freaking traffic cones!

367
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,340
Come here.

368
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:42,782
Pretty good soup.

369
00:18:42,821 --> 00:18:45,346
I just microwaved Bloody Mary mix.

370
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:48,288
- Still tasty.
- Yeah.

371
00:18:59,938 --> 00:19:02,304
You know what, man? I don't...

372
00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:05,767
I don't generally like...

373
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:08,837
...well... people.

374
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:13,852
But I had a good time
golfing with you today.

375
00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:18,983
Thanks, brother. Seriously.

376
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,188
So you live on a boat in a parking lot?

377
00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:29,291
- Yes, indeedy.
- What, did you lose a bet?

378
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,996
Uh, I won a bet.

379
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:33,562
Yeah.

380
00:19:33,605 --> 00:19:36,733
I know you had an appointment
with Ms. Cobb, but she's indisposed,

381
00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:38,242
so I'll be taking care of you.

382
00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:41,312
I love you, Jules!

383
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:42,870
I believe in you, Laurie!

384
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:45,679
I don't completely, but they're not
huge clients so it's no biggie.

385
00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:48,015
And to prove that I'm not
embarrassed by you,

386
00:19:48,053 --> 00:19:50,385
I've brought along a very good friend.

387
00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:53,016
Best friend. I'm your best friend.
I'm her best friend.

388
00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:56,585
- Oh, please. I'm her best friend.
- Laurie, get back to the Jacobsons!

389
00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:58,653
They're only buying a condo.

390
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:01,393
OK. Are you ready?

391
00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:02,457
Yes.

392
00:20:05,404 --> 00:20:07,304
OK. Judge away.

393
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,911
- Thank you.
- Anytime.

394
00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:21,317
He kisses with a perfect seal
around your mouth

395
00:20:21,353 --> 00:20:22,911
like he's trying to suck
your brains out.

396
00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:25,924
- But he's gotten so much better.
- That's better?

397
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,983
I'm gonna go get us some more drinks.

398
00:20:29,027 --> 00:20:31,495
Oh, hey, sweetie,
see if they've got an apple.

399
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:34,596
Sweetie, two apples.

400
00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:41,872
We're never gonna tell anybody
about this, right?

401
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:45,104
- Never.
- Man up. Let's go.

402
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:51,413
Ooh! Hot damn, man! Cosmos are good!

403
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:52,940
They're divine.

404
00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:57,146
- Hey, sorry about your record.
- It was probably for the best.

405
00:20:57,189 --> 00:21:00,886
I'm 40. It's about time I find
something new to hang my hat on.

406
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:03,087
It may not be this week
or even this year,

407
00:21:03,128 --> 00:21:04,993
but mark my words, I will find it.

408
00:21:05,030 --> 00:21:06,725
You go, girl.

409
00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:10,257
It might be darts.
I'm pretty good at darts.

410
00:21:14,473 --> 00:21:16,634
Look at that guy pick himself up.

411
00:21:16,675 --> 00:21:19,075
That's a hero.

412
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:20,738
A golden hero.

413
00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:22,804
You are one weird cat.

414
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:24,611
Oh.