1 00:00:00,933 --> 00:00:03,434 A small fading remnant of a star. 2 00:00:03,501 --> 00:00:05,501 - A white dwarf. - That's right! 3 00:00:05,567 --> 00:00:07,501 I used a memory technique. 4 00:00:07,567 --> 00:00:08,900 Dwarves hate being called midgets, 5 00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:11,234 and midgets are small. 6 00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:12,667 And... 7 00:00:12,734 --> 00:00:15,134 What does a star turn into after it collapses? 8 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:16,768 A movie of the week. 9 00:00:16,834 --> 00:00:18,567 - Black hole. - Right! 10 00:00:18,634 --> 00:00:20,634 Troy! You could be an astronomer. 11 00:00:20,701 --> 00:00:22,234 As far as I'm concerned, 12 00:00:22,300 --> 00:00:26,000 there's only one black hole worth studying. 13 00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:28,100 It's called Sagittarius A, 14 00:00:28,167 --> 00:00:30,100 it's located in the center of our galaxy, 15 00:00:30,167 --> 00:00:32,100 and it has the density of 40 Suns. 16 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,334 - Just like my Weiner. - Ha ha. 17 00:00:36,401 --> 00:00:38,501 You said Weiner. That's funny. 18 00:00:38,567 --> 00:00:40,200 Pierce and Troy didn't get along at first, 19 00:00:40,267 --> 00:00:42,200 but now they're bonding through mutual adolescence. 20 00:00:42,267 --> 00:00:44,534 - Shut up, boo-boo head. - Will you shut up, fart head? 21 00:00:44,601 --> 00:00:46,000 Hi, everybody. 22 00:00:46,067 --> 00:00:48,601 Well, look at this group having some kind of meeting 23 00:00:48,667 --> 00:00:50,167 and being so diverse. 24 00:00:50,234 --> 00:00:51,801 There is just... boy! 25 00:00:51,868 --> 00:00:54,267 There is just one of every kind of you, isn't there? 26 00:00:54,334 --> 00:00:55,634 Well, we are missing a pipsqueak, 27 00:00:55,701 --> 00:00:57,134 but we don't want one, so beat it. 28 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,000 Um, Pierce, that's the dean. 29 00:00:59,067 --> 00:01:01,434 - Are you kidding? - Mm-mm. 30 00:01:01,501 --> 00:01:03,033 Sorry. Just my luck. 31 00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:04,601 It's all right. Don't let me interrupt. 32 00:01:04,667 --> 00:01:08,033 Sometimes I just roll around campus like a little football. 33 00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:10,134 I can't believe this. 34 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:13,134 Here I am in a random conversation about football, 35 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,067 and I'm talking to Troy Barnes, 36 00:01:15,134 --> 00:01:18,234 star quarterback from Riverside High... whoa. 37 00:01:18,300 --> 00:01:20,868 Troy, did you know that Greendale has a football team? 38 00:01:20,933 --> 00:01:22,734 Did you know they had a football? 39 00:01:22,801 --> 00:01:24,701 Ha. That's very funny. 40 00:01:24,768 --> 00:01:27,300 Troy, I was so sorry to hear about your injury. 41 00:01:27,367 --> 00:01:28,868 But now that you have recovered, 42 00:01:28,933 --> 00:01:31,534 we would love for you to play for the "Human Beings". 43 00:01:31,601 --> 00:01:33,768 The team's name is the "Human Beings"? 44 00:01:33,834 --> 00:01:35,200 Yeah. My idea. 45 00:01:35,267 --> 00:01:36,667 It was the "Greendale Grizzlies", 46 00:01:36,734 --> 00:01:38,200 but I thought that, um... 47 00:01:38,267 --> 00:01:39,634 Well, a lot of these students 48 00:01:39,701 --> 00:01:41,567 have been called animals their whole lives. 49 00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:44,367 Unfortunately, I don't know what to do about the mascot. 50 00:01:44,434 --> 00:01:46,033 Oh, I can help you with that, your honor. 51 00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:48,601 I have a wealth of experience 52 00:01:48,667 --> 00:01:50,200 in image management, icon development, 53 00:01:50,267 --> 00:01:54,033 and Y2K Preparedness. 54 00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:55,701 Troy, all of your friends are lining up 55 00:01:55,768 --> 00:01:57,200 to turn Greendale around. 56 00:01:57,267 --> 00:01:58,534 How about you? 57 00:01:58,601 --> 00:02:00,367 Troy isn't interested in football anymore. 58 00:02:00,434 --> 00:02:01,834 Getting injured in that "keg stand" 59 00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:03,134 was the best thing that ever happened to him. 60 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,334 Whoa! Yoko Ono much? 61 00:02:06,567 --> 00:02:08,967 Bros before Hoes, Troy. 62 00:02:09,033 --> 00:02:10,467 Listen, man. 63 00:02:10,534 --> 00:02:12,067 No offense, but I was the best, 64 00:02:12,134 --> 00:02:13,768 and I finished on top. 65 00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,467 I wouldn't play for this school with a 10-foot pole. 66 00:02:15,534 --> 00:02:18,033 Dean, I'm sure Troy will sign up for football 67 00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:20,067 if and when some accident 68 00:02:20,134 --> 00:02:22,834 damages the part of his brain that feels pride. 69 00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:24,234 Until then, would you excuse us? 70 00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:26,601 All right, well, uh... If you change your mind, 71 00:02:26,667 --> 00:02:28,000 the field is always open. 72 00:02:28,067 --> 00:02:29,401 Oh, figuratively speaking. 73 00:02:29,467 --> 00:02:30,834 You know, Wednesdays and Sundays 74 00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:33,567 it's used as parking overflow for the megachurch. 75 00:02:33,634 --> 00:02:35,067 Okay. 76 00:02:35,134 --> 00:02:36,900 Now let's meet the minimum requirements 77 00:02:36,967 --> 00:02:38,667 for a language credit, shall we? 78 00:02:38,734 --> 00:02:40,734 Yes, but I need to go to the bathroom first. 79 00:02:40,801 --> 00:02:44,601 - Uh, Britta? - Oh, no, I don't have to go. 80 00:02:44,667 --> 00:02:47,267 I'll go with you. 81 00:02:50,267 --> 00:02:51,933 What? She's offended? 82 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,768 Girls go in groups. 83 00:02:53,834 --> 00:02:56,434 Did you learn nothing from stand-up comedy in the '90s? 84 00:02:56,501 --> 00:02:58,434 I'm familiar with the concept. I'm just... fine. 85 00:02:58,501 --> 00:03:01,200 If it's important to Shirley, I'll go with her next time. 86 00:03:01,267 --> 00:03:04,434 I'm willing to try some more mainstream feminine stuff. 87 00:03:04,501 --> 00:03:07,801 Well, then you should know that nothing says "I'm a woman" 88 00:03:07,868 --> 00:03:09,801 like doing it with me. 89 00:03:09,868 --> 00:03:12,267 Nothing says, "I'm a pig", like you. 90 00:03:12,334 --> 00:03:15,033 Will they or won't they? Sexual tension. 91 00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:16,768 Abed, it makes the group uncomfortable 92 00:03:16,834 --> 00:03:18,300 when you talk about us 93 00:03:18,367 --> 00:03:20,534 like we're characters in a show you're watching. 94 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,033 Well, that's sort of my gimmick. 95 00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:23,634 But we did lean on that pretty hard last week. 96 00:03:23,701 --> 00:03:25,367 I can lay low for an episode. 97 00:03:31,301 --> 00:03:34,553 Sync By YesCool - corrected by 4be1 www.addic7ed.com 98 00:03:34,734 --> 00:03:37,167 You sure you made the right call on the football team, Troy? 99 00:03:37,234 --> 00:03:39,868 It looks like they won something once. 100 00:03:39,933 --> 00:03:44,501 "Most valued customer. Henderson trophy cases." 101 00:03:44,567 --> 00:03:45,868 So we should still study 102 00:03:45,933 --> 00:03:47,601 a little more astronomy later, right? 103 00:03:47,667 --> 00:03:50,467 Maybe over some Milky Ways or some Mars Bars. 104 00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:53,134 Or pancakes! 105 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,801 "I'm jeff. And I'm a student at Greendale." 106 00:03:56,868 --> 00:03:59,200 That's not good. 107 00:03:59,267 --> 00:04:02,200 Wood undergoes rapid oxidation 108 00:04:02,267 --> 00:04:04,768 because it reacts spontaneously to... 109 00:04:06,367 --> 00:04:08,434 Okay, guys, seriously, we've talked about this, okay? 110 00:04:08,501 --> 00:04:11,234 You have got to turn off your cell... 111 00:04:12,501 --> 00:04:13,701 That's mine. My bad. 112 00:04:13,768 --> 00:04:15,334 I'm going to the bathroom. 113 00:04:15,401 --> 00:04:16,534 Hi! 114 00:04:16,601 --> 00:04:17,667 Would you like to come with me? 115 00:04:17,734 --> 00:04:19,834 Well, yes, yes, I would. 116 00:04:19,900 --> 00:04:21,501 Oh, that's nice! 117 00:04:21,567 --> 00:04:23,334 Okay, what's it called? 118 00:04:23,401 --> 00:04:25,167 Antoni... An... hold on. 119 00:04:25,234 --> 00:04:27,667 Does anyone have a pen? Pen? 120 00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:29,167 No one has a pen. 121 00:04:29,234 --> 00:04:31,067 Why would you not bring a pen to class? 122 00:04:31,134 --> 00:04:32,367 Idiot. 123 00:04:32,434 --> 00:04:33,801 No, you're not an idiot. 124 00:04:33,868 --> 00:04:36,000 I had my blinker on about five minutes, 125 00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,501 and this no-good, clearly bald 126 00:04:37,567 --> 00:04:38,933 but trying to hide it with a bandana loser 127 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,000 swooped right in. I couldn't believe it. 128 00:04:41,067 --> 00:04:43,033 - Maybe he didn't see you. - He saw me! 129 00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:45,200 Maybe he had his blinker on too. 130 00:04:45,267 --> 00:04:48,267 Maybe. So you... got any family, Britta? 131 00:04:48,334 --> 00:04:50,234 Yeah, whatever. 132 00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:52,567 Think my mom might visit this weekend. 133 00:04:52,634 --> 00:04:54,467 She and I are gonna get makeovers at that Spa... 134 00:04:54,534 --> 00:04:55,667 Makeovers. 135 00:04:55,734 --> 00:04:57,734 They sure have us programmed, right? 136 00:04:57,801 --> 00:04:59,900 I am a female pleasure unit. 137 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,567 I require a new coat of paint. 138 00:05:02,634 --> 00:05:04,601 Just something I thought might be fun. 139 00:05:04,667 --> 00:05:06,267 Here's something I think might be fun. 140 00:05:06,334 --> 00:05:08,100 Let's find out the number of makeup companies 141 00:05:08,167 --> 00:05:09,868 that are owned by women. 142 00:05:09,933 --> 00:05:12,134 I'll save you the trouble. It's zero. 143 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,768 But of course you're saying, "Britta, aren't you a hypocrite?" 144 00:05:14,834 --> 00:05:17,134 "You're plastered with glitter and goo from head to toe, " 145 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,768 "just like the rest of us." 146 00:05:18,834 --> 00:05:21,634 Well, I also pay income tax and pull over for cops, 147 00:05:21,701 --> 00:05:23,134 but that doesn't mean I support... 148 00:05:26,267 --> 00:05:28,701 Thanks for offering to help design the new mascot. 149 00:05:28,768 --> 00:05:30,534 I, uh, have been a little stumped. 150 00:05:30,601 --> 00:05:32,200 That's no problem. 151 00:05:32,267 --> 00:05:33,501 By the way, I took the liberty 152 00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,467 of thumbnailing a human being prototype 153 00:05:35,534 --> 00:05:39,200 Which I modeled after da Vinci's Vitruvian Man. 154 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,534 The penis is a little small, I think. 155 00:05:42,601 --> 00:05:44,167 - Oh, I think it's... - Oh. Okay. 156 00:05:44,234 --> 00:05:45,933 It... looks a lot like you. 157 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,634 Um, here's the thing. 158 00:05:47,701 --> 00:05:50,167 If we are the "Human Beings", you know, 159 00:05:50,234 --> 00:05:52,601 and we have a mascot that's just a white guy, 160 00:05:52,667 --> 00:05:54,834 what message are we sending? 161 00:05:54,900 --> 00:05:57,200 Our symbol needs to reflect the diversity of our school 162 00:05:57,267 --> 00:05:58,868 and our species. 163 00:05:58,933 --> 00:06:00,634 So... black? 164 00:06:00,701 --> 00:06:02,967 No. No, because we're not the "Greendale Blacks", 165 00:06:03,033 --> 00:06:04,534 Mr. Hawthorne, or the "Greendale Asians" 166 00:06:04,601 --> 00:06:06,167 or any other creed. 167 00:06:06,234 --> 00:06:08,267 We are the "Greendale Human Beings". 168 00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:10,000 Yeah. 169 00:06:10,067 --> 00:06:11,768 Sorry to disturb you guys... 170 00:06:11,834 --> 00:06:14,100 Who are clearly looking at a naked drawing 171 00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:16,234 of pierce doing jumping jacks. 172 00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:18,367 - Dean, a quick download, please? - Uh, absolutely. 173 00:06:18,434 --> 00:06:21,801 - Excuse me. - Okay. Fill me in later. 174 00:06:21,868 --> 00:06:24,100 Ah. 175 00:06:24,167 --> 00:06:25,967 Whoa. 176 00:06:26,033 --> 00:06:28,300 I'll go with a pencil. 177 00:06:28,367 --> 00:06:30,033 - First of all... - Mm-hmm. 178 00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:31,534 - I'm flattered. - Oh, well. 179 00:06:31,601 --> 00:06:32,967 You're a very photogenic man. 180 00:06:33,033 --> 00:06:35,067 Is that real bed head, or do you put something in there? 181 00:06:35,134 --> 00:06:37,000 Can I? Oh, it's crispy. 182 00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:39,134 I was thinking about the four disembodied heads, 183 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:40,401 and I thought, where's the heart? 184 00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:41,801 Where's the soul? 185 00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:44,334 Where's the different poster design? 186 00:06:44,401 --> 00:06:46,334 You know, I did think those were less than personable, 187 00:06:46,401 --> 00:06:49,167 which is why I went with the full bodies 188 00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:50,967 in these mailers we have going out. 189 00:06:52,567 --> 00:06:55,701 Mailers? I didn't give permission for this. 190 00:06:55,768 --> 00:06:58,033 Jeffrey, did you not read the release agreement 191 00:06:58,100 --> 00:06:59,401 on the back of your registration form? 192 00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:03,567 I'm starting to see why someone used to be a lawyer. 193 00:07:03,634 --> 00:07:04,900 Ha ha! Up top! 194 00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:07,200 If someone from the outside were to find... 195 00:07:07,267 --> 00:07:09,667 Okay, if someone from the outside were to find out 196 00:07:09,734 --> 00:07:12,134 that I am a student at a community college, 197 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:15,334 that could have a negative impact on my future career. 198 00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:18,834 Oh. Goodness. 199 00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:20,467 Look what we have stumbled onto... 200 00:07:20,534 --> 00:07:22,900 An opportunity to help each other out. 201 00:07:22,967 --> 00:07:26,033 I suppose I wouldn't need this promotional campaign 202 00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:27,434 If I could announce to the press 203 00:07:27,501 --> 00:07:29,367 that Troy Barnes is playing football here. 204 00:07:29,434 --> 00:07:31,033 I think he's been pretty clear 205 00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:32,734 about declining that offer. 206 00:07:32,801 --> 00:07:34,734 I think if you said, "jump," he'd say, "how high?' 207 00:07:34,801 --> 00:07:36,933 If you said, "stop," he'd say, "hammertime." 208 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,467 You starting to get what I mean? 209 00:07:38,534 --> 00:07:41,000 No. I need another example. 210 00:07:41,067 --> 00:07:43,067 You know, I didn't... realize before, 211 00:07:43,134 --> 00:07:45,634 but we should send those out to local businesses. 212 00:07:45,701 --> 00:07:47,300 Hmm? 213 00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:49,200 Law firms. 214 00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:51,267 Lawyer... 215 00:07:51,334 --> 00:07:54,000 Companies? 216 00:07:54,067 --> 00:07:56,734 Legal... 217 00:07:56,801 --> 00:07:58,401 Gatherings? 218 00:07:58,467 --> 00:07:59,300 Are you trying to blackmail me? 219 00:07:59,367 --> 00:08:00,300 I think so. 220 00:08:00,367 --> 00:08:01,967 Gentlemen... 221 00:08:02,033 --> 00:08:05,701 I present to you the "Greendale Human Being". 222 00:08:05,768 --> 00:08:08,933 That's a falcon with a gun. 223 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,401 Now it's a falcon with an erection. 224 00:08:15,834 --> 00:08:18,900 Oh! Hi, Abed! 225 00:08:18,967 --> 00:08:21,334 Bye. He's just laying low. 226 00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:23,367 Oh, are you going to the bathroom? 227 00:08:23,434 --> 00:08:25,734 - Uh, yes. - I'll go with you. 228 00:08:25,801 --> 00:08:30,000 You know what? I'm good. 229 00:08:30,067 --> 00:08:31,367 She probably just, you know, 230 00:08:31,434 --> 00:08:34,234 had to go number two. 231 00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:37,868 Okay. What's the closest planet to Earth? 232 00:08:37,933 --> 00:08:39,267 Planet Hollywood. 233 00:08:39,334 --> 00:08:41,734 That's not the right answer. 234 00:08:41,801 --> 00:08:44,933 But it shows how fun astronomy can be. 235 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,601 Hey, Troy, can I talk to you for a sec? 236 00:08:46,667 --> 00:08:49,734 We're studying, so Troy's busy. 237 00:08:49,801 --> 00:08:51,701 Well, the galaxy's not going anywhere. 238 00:08:51,768 --> 00:08:54,067 I'll bring him back. 239 00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:56,234 You ever miss being a quarterback, Troy? 240 00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:57,734 I miss being the best at something. 241 00:08:57,801 --> 00:09:00,967 I miss having a coach. 242 00:09:01,033 --> 00:09:03,634 I miss knowing what to think. 243 00:09:03,701 --> 00:09:05,367 You still know what to think, Troy. 244 00:09:05,434 --> 00:09:06,768 - Oh, good. - For instance, 245 00:09:06,834 --> 00:09:08,801 after the dean talked to you about football, 246 00:09:08,868 --> 00:09:10,567 you and I were thinking the same thing. 247 00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:12,967 - That dude looks like Moby! - We were thinking... 248 00:09:13,033 --> 00:09:14,768 What if Troy did play for Greendale? 249 00:09:14,834 --> 00:09:16,167 You'd be surprised 250 00:09:16,234 --> 00:09:17,900 at how many of your favorite football players 251 00:09:17,967 --> 00:09:19,933 got started at community college. 252 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,601 Really? Name one. 253 00:09:21,667 --> 00:09:23,401 - Who's your favorite player? - Me. 254 00:09:23,467 --> 00:09:25,234 Whoa! 255 00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:26,967 Maybe you and I should go check out 256 00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:29,234 the "Greendale Thunderdome". 257 00:09:34,701 --> 00:09:38,467 The dome arrives later. It comes with thunder. 258 00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:40,900 Let me tell you a little secret about me, Troy. 259 00:09:40,967 --> 00:09:42,601 Every day on my way to school, 260 00:09:42,667 --> 00:09:45,334 I drive through downtown past the courthouse 261 00:09:45,401 --> 00:09:48,100 just to get a glimpse of the world that I once ruled. 262 00:09:48,167 --> 00:09:50,434 And I just wanna jump out of my car, 263 00:09:50,501 --> 00:09:51,900 run up the steps and... 264 00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:53,667 Exploit the legal system for profit. 265 00:09:53,734 --> 00:09:54,900 But I can't. 266 00:09:54,967 --> 00:09:57,067 I'm locked out of my old kingdom. 267 00:09:57,134 --> 00:09:59,601 You're not. You see what I'm saying? 268 00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:02,067 You're saying I could be a lawyer. 269 00:10:02,134 --> 00:10:03,900 I'm saying you're a football player! 270 00:10:03,967 --> 00:10:05,567 - It's in your blood! - That's racist! 271 00:10:05,634 --> 00:10:07,134 - Your soul. - That's racist. 272 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:08,401 - Your eyes? - That's gay? 273 00:10:08,467 --> 00:10:09,967 - That's homophobic. - That's black. 274 00:10:10,033 --> 00:10:11,734 - That's racist! - Damn. 275 00:10:11,801 --> 00:10:13,933 When you played, you were a god. 276 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,967 Now you're not playing, and you're not. 277 00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:18,300 I'd tell you to do the math, but math isn't important. 278 00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:20,401 The only thing that's important is this. 279 00:10:20,467 --> 00:10:22,100 Yeah, but Annie said... 280 00:10:22,167 --> 00:10:24,200 Annie said that Benjamin Button was compelling. 281 00:10:24,267 --> 00:10:26,501 Look, she's a smart girl, but sometimes she's just wrong. 282 00:10:26,567 --> 00:10:28,300 85... Go long! 283 00:10:28,367 --> 00:10:30,367 It's like a drug, isn't it? 284 00:10:30,434 --> 00:10:33,868 Feel it, Troy. Throw it! 285 00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:35,367 The scoreboard lights up. 286 00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:37,134 There will be a scoreboard there. 287 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,734 It's complete! Nice catch! 288 00:10:39,801 --> 00:10:43,200 The girls, the glory, the scouts, the career! 289 00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:45,868 It starts when you join this team. 290 00:10:45,933 --> 00:10:47,567 Is that linebacker a pregnant woman? 291 00:10:47,634 --> 00:10:49,033 Look, you can meet them later. 292 00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:52,000 But this decision has to be yours, T-Bone. 293 00:10:52,067 --> 00:10:54,667 And this decision has to be yes. 294 00:10:54,734 --> 00:10:56,267 How did you know my nickname's T-Bone? 295 00:10:56,334 --> 00:10:58,134 Because you're a football player, 296 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,567 and your name begins with "T". 297 00:11:01,634 --> 00:11:04,334 Your name... begins... 298 00:11:04,401 --> 00:11:06,701 with "T". 299 00:11:09,768 --> 00:11:11,834 Britta? 300 00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:13,967 Oh. Are you finished? 301 00:11:14,033 --> 00:11:15,601 I mean, I have to go, 302 00:11:15,667 --> 00:11:17,768 but apparently, I failed yesterday's tryouts 303 00:11:17,834 --> 00:11:20,000 for the position of bathroom companion. 304 00:11:20,067 --> 00:11:21,900 Oh, Britta, I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. 305 00:11:21,967 --> 00:11:24,267 You didn't hurt my feelings, Shirley. 306 00:11:24,334 --> 00:11:26,434 I don't need to go to the bathroom with other people. 307 00:11:26,501 --> 00:11:28,601 I was just trying to throw you a bone because I like you. 308 00:11:28,667 --> 00:11:31,167 Oh. You can keep that bone. 309 00:11:31,234 --> 00:11:33,300 Listening to a story about a stranger pissing me off 310 00:11:33,367 --> 00:11:34,701 and taking the stranger's side? 311 00:11:34,768 --> 00:11:36,534 And then you can't talk about your own business, 312 00:11:36,601 --> 00:11:38,134 but you insinuate my mama's a robot 313 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:39,801 because she and I want makeovers. 314 00:11:39,868 --> 00:11:41,434 That is the ladies' room, Britta, 315 00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,868 a place where ladies go to share, listen, 316 00:11:43,933 --> 00:11:47,234 support each other and... discreetly eliminate waste. 317 00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:48,601 And I like you too. 318 00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,734 Even like that you're a little hard. 319 00:11:50,801 --> 00:11:53,367 But if you can't learn to be soft in there, 320 00:11:53,434 --> 00:11:57,033 you need to pee alone. 321 00:11:57,100 --> 00:12:01,634 I've peed alone my whole life. 322 00:12:01,701 --> 00:12:04,200 Women have always hated me. 323 00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:06,167 I don't even know how it started. 324 00:12:06,234 --> 00:12:08,567 Maybe it was when I got boobs before everyb... 325 00:12:08,634 --> 00:12:10,868 Shh, shh, shh. 326 00:12:10,933 --> 00:12:13,234 Not out here. 327 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,768 In there. 328 00:12:15,834 --> 00:12:16,900 Whoo! 329 00:12:16,967 --> 00:12:18,634 Ha ha! Troy, Troy, the wonder boy! 330 00:12:18,701 --> 00:12:21,434 You dropped your books, poindexter. Yeah! 331 00:12:21,501 --> 00:12:23,967 Troy, I've been waiting for an hour. 332 00:12:24,033 --> 00:12:27,267 It's all right, I'm worth it. * Hip, hop, body don't stop * 333 00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:34,567 Troy. 334 00:12:34,634 --> 00:12:36,634 Why are you doing a politically conservative 335 00:12:36,701 --> 00:12:38,634 high school shamefully outdated fight rap? 336 00:12:38,701 --> 00:12:40,701 Have you been playing football? 337 00:12:40,768 --> 00:12:42,134 Threw the skin around a couple of times. 338 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:43,300 Still got it. 339 00:12:43,367 --> 00:12:44,300 Eh... eh... eh... eh... 340 00:12:44,367 --> 00:12:45,734 Doosh! 341 00:12:45,801 --> 00:12:48,868 But you knew we had an astronomy test tomorrow. 342 00:12:48,933 --> 00:12:50,267 Class blows. 343 00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:51,768 What I need to know about the Universe 344 00:12:51,834 --> 00:12:54,000 is that I'm at the center of it. 345 00:12:58,601 --> 00:13:01,100 Troy! Stop! 346 00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:02,868 Don't become this person again. 347 00:13:02,933 --> 00:13:04,501 This isn't the real you. 348 00:13:04,567 --> 00:13:06,501 This is the arrogant jock 349 00:13:06,567 --> 00:13:08,967 that totally ignored the only people that truly liked him 350 00:13:09,033 --> 00:13:10,200 for non-superficial reasons 351 00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:11,501 but weren't allowed to say anything 352 00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:13,701 because their parents are bigots! 353 00:13:15,567 --> 00:13:19,634 Football is bad for you, Troy. 354 00:13:19,701 --> 00:13:21,334 Jeff said you'd say that. 355 00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:24,100 Jeff... what now? 356 00:13:24,167 --> 00:13:26,367 Troy! Troy, Troy, Troy. 357 00:13:26,434 --> 00:13:28,267 That's my name. 358 00:13:28,334 --> 00:13:32,134 I think if we add in a little bit of Phylicia Rashad 359 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:33,567 - we'll be in better shape. - Yeah, you're right. 360 00:13:33,634 --> 00:13:34,834 That beige is a little light. 361 00:13:37,267 --> 00:13:38,267 Wow. 362 00:13:38,334 --> 00:13:39,701 Yeah. Yeah. 363 00:13:39,768 --> 00:13:42,334 We are developing the perfect mascot. 364 00:13:42,401 --> 00:13:46,234 No stereotypical identifiers from any race or gender. 365 00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:48,300 See, Jeff, this is a chart of the features 366 00:13:48,367 --> 00:13:50,601 we're staying away from... Pan-Asian eye folds, 367 00:13:50,667 --> 00:13:53,334 Irish chins, women's breasts. 368 00:13:53,401 --> 00:13:56,634 - Is that seal? - That is our human color wheel. 369 00:13:56,701 --> 00:13:59,200 It goes from seal to seal's teeth. 370 00:13:59,267 --> 00:14:00,967 What do you think? 371 00:14:01,033 --> 00:14:03,467 I think not being racist is the new racism. 372 00:14:03,534 --> 00:14:06,134 Whoa, whoa, whoa... What happened to the prototype? 373 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:09,300 Ooh! I left the nose in the kiln. 374 00:14:09,367 --> 00:14:12,234 So... Troy is gonna play football. 375 00:14:12,300 --> 00:14:13,701 Yes! 376 00:14:13,768 --> 00:14:15,367 Which means I'll be getting rid of these. 377 00:14:15,434 --> 00:14:18,167 No. I won't mail these out, but they are staying with me 378 00:14:18,234 --> 00:14:20,701 until the press announces that Troy is a part of the team. 379 00:14:20,768 --> 00:14:22,467 And I want him at that pep rally tonight. 380 00:14:22,534 --> 00:14:24,401 Reporters are gonna be there. 381 00:14:24,467 --> 00:14:27,067 We're gonna unveil the new mascot. 382 00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,734 And things are finally going to start turning around. 383 00:14:29,801 --> 00:14:32,367 Oh, and... my ex-therapist 384 00:14:32,434 --> 00:14:35,667 is gonna think twice before he makes fun of my job! 385 00:14:35,734 --> 00:14:37,067 Here it is. Still hot. 386 00:14:37,134 --> 00:14:38,734 Ooh. Ow. 387 00:14:38,801 --> 00:14:40,434 Oh, Dean, I'm gonna get some more coffee. 388 00:14:40,501 --> 00:14:41,933 - You want anything? - Oh, yeah, a Desmond Tutu 389 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,801 with just enough cream to make it a Lou Diamond Phillips. 390 00:14:43,868 --> 00:14:45,634 La bamba. Got it. 391 00:14:52,467 --> 00:14:53,967 I've been following you. 392 00:14:54,033 --> 00:14:55,868 How much did the Dean pay you to make Troy play football? 393 00:14:55,933 --> 00:14:57,100 I'm not having a conversation with someone 394 00:14:57,167 --> 00:14:58,100 who emerges from a bush. 395 00:14:58,167 --> 00:14:59,634 Because I'm right? 396 00:14:59,701 --> 00:15:01,834 No. Because I'm not in a commercial for breakfast cereal. 397 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:05,501 Look... the dean has pictures of me, okay? 398 00:15:05,567 --> 00:15:07,501 Horrible pictures of me... 399 00:15:07,567 --> 00:15:09,734 Attending his school. 400 00:15:09,801 --> 00:15:11,634 And for that you'd convince Troy 401 00:15:11,701 --> 00:15:13,834 to flush his life down football's toilet again? 402 00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:16,300 Britta's right, you are the most selfish person alive! 403 00:15:16,367 --> 00:15:18,501 And all that is gonna end right now. 404 00:15:18,567 --> 00:15:20,567 Because I'm telling him what kind of friend you really are. 405 00:15:20,634 --> 00:15:21,900 Maybe you should tell him 406 00:15:21,967 --> 00:15:24,367 you're hopelessly in love with him. 407 00:15:24,434 --> 00:15:25,933 High school must have been tough, huh? 408 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,100 Waiting for a superstar to notice you. 409 00:15:28,167 --> 00:15:30,734 But here... here... he's all alone, 410 00:15:30,801 --> 00:15:33,000 and he needs so much help! 411 00:15:33,067 --> 00:15:34,801 Did you enroll in all of his classes, 412 00:15:34,868 --> 00:15:37,267 or were you worried that might freak him out? 413 00:15:37,334 --> 00:15:39,334 The important thing is that you are there for him. 414 00:15:39,401 --> 00:15:42,634 The important thing is that you are the only one there for him. 415 00:15:42,701 --> 00:15:44,401 And you don't really care what he wants... 416 00:15:44,467 --> 00:15:45,667 Just as long as you don't have to 417 00:15:45,734 --> 00:15:47,534 share him with the rest of the world. 418 00:15:47,601 --> 00:15:50,967 Because, really, you are just as selfish as I am. 419 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:54,200 You're just not as good at it yet. 420 00:15:54,267 --> 00:15:56,434 You're right. 421 00:15:56,501 --> 00:15:58,734 I could never be as good as you. 422 00:15:58,801 --> 00:16:00,801 Probably because I actually care. 423 00:16:00,868 --> 00:16:04,834 Profound, but technically meaningless. 424 00:16:04,933 --> 00:16:07,300 And don't bother trying that thing that women do 425 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:10,167 where they walk away and make the guy feel like crap, 426 00:16:10,234 --> 00:16:12,067 because it won't happen! 427 00:16:12,134 --> 00:16:14,100 Yeah! 428 00:16:15,900 --> 00:16:18,401 Damn it. 429 00:16:20,701 --> 00:16:23,334 Shirley, will you please come to the bathroom with me? 430 00:16:31,067 --> 00:16:32,534 Where's Shirley? 431 00:16:32,601 --> 00:16:34,267 Shirley's not coming. 432 00:16:34,334 --> 00:16:35,900 But I'm here... 433 00:16:35,967 --> 00:16:40,634 To listen... girl. 434 00:16:40,701 --> 00:16:43,534 Why do we inflict so much pain on ourselves 435 00:16:43,601 --> 00:16:45,601 - for men? - I don't... 436 00:16:45,667 --> 00:16:47,734 Know... sweetie. 437 00:16:47,801 --> 00:16:53,467 Maybe... it's because men make the world go round? 438 00:16:53,534 --> 00:16:56,200 Kleenex? 439 00:16:59,933 --> 00:17:01,701 I've been... 440 00:17:01,768 --> 00:17:03,534 infatuated with Troy. 441 00:17:03,601 --> 00:17:05,900 Now he's joining football. 442 00:17:05,967 --> 00:17:09,401 Now he'll have his pick of the litter and... 443 00:17:09,467 --> 00:17:11,634 I'll never get to be with him! 444 00:17:11,701 --> 00:17:13,734 Oh, Annie, screw him! 445 00:17:13,801 --> 00:17:17,000 There are guys out there that would kill to be with you. 446 00:17:17,067 --> 00:17:18,367 And if Troy isn't one of them, 447 00:17:18,434 --> 00:17:20,033 that's him failing your standards. 448 00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:22,701 You got that? 449 00:17:22,768 --> 00:17:24,367 You're right. 450 00:17:24,434 --> 00:17:25,967 I can't control him. 451 00:17:26,033 --> 00:17:27,900 And if I truly cared about him, 452 00:17:27,967 --> 00:17:32,734 I wouldn't want to. 453 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:34,667 Thanks for talking to me, Britta. 454 00:17:34,734 --> 00:17:37,267 - It really helped. - Seriously? 455 00:17:37,334 --> 00:17:40,467 - Yes. - Who's my girl? 456 00:17:42,567 --> 00:17:45,134 - 'Scuse me! - I did it, I did it! 457 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:47,601 Oh, yes, you did! 458 00:17:54,501 --> 00:17:56,367 Human Beings, Human Beings! 459 00:17:56,434 --> 00:17:59,067 Human Beings, Human Beings! 460 00:17:59,134 --> 00:18:01,467 Troy! Troy! 461 00:18:01,534 --> 00:18:03,868 - Don't go in there, man. - What? 462 00:18:03,933 --> 00:18:05,834 You got the most you were ever gonna get out of football 463 00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:07,134 in high school. 464 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,933 A life of disillusionment and depression 465 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,634 begins on the other side of that door. 466 00:18:10,701 --> 00:18:13,334 Hey, man... Is this your first pep rally or something? 467 00:18:13,401 --> 00:18:15,067 You told me 468 00:18:15,134 --> 00:18:18,334 football was the most important thing in the world. 469 00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:20,801 Well, buckle up, Troy. I was exaggerating. 470 00:18:20,868 --> 00:18:22,900 It's kinda my gimmick. Let me tell you something... 471 00:18:22,967 --> 00:18:24,367 No, let me tell you something. 472 00:18:24,434 --> 00:18:26,667 You know that keg flip that cost me my scholarship? 473 00:18:26,734 --> 00:18:28,601 Yeah. 474 00:18:28,667 --> 00:18:31,467 - I hurt myself on purpose. - What? 475 00:18:31,534 --> 00:18:33,634 There was a scout coming to the final game at Riverside 476 00:18:33,701 --> 00:18:35,834 and... I couldn't take the pressure, 477 00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:37,634 so I took the easy way out. 478 00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:40,401 But when you showed me that field, 479 00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:42,434 I saw there was nothing to worry about here. 480 00:18:42,501 --> 00:18:43,834 I could just play football for the fun of it. 481 00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:45,167 I mean, have you seen these guys? 482 00:18:45,234 --> 00:18:47,067 There is nowhere to go but up. 483 00:18:47,134 --> 00:18:49,000 Dude, we have feelings. 484 00:18:49,067 --> 00:18:51,868 I don't know about you, but I know I ended up here 485 00:18:51,967 --> 00:18:56,401 because things weren't that great out there. 486 00:18:56,467 --> 00:18:58,401 You should try accepting where you're at, man. 487 00:18:58,467 --> 00:19:02,967 Take a pottery class or something. 488 00:19:03,033 --> 00:19:04,601 Greendale, we're number one! 489 00:19:04,667 --> 00:19:07,434 Nancy Pelosi is no fun! 490 00:19:11,801 --> 00:19:14,868 - Hey. - Hey. 491 00:19:16,567 --> 00:19:19,200 I've decided to support Troy. 492 00:19:19,267 --> 00:19:21,134 They deploy thingsin football, right? 493 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:22,534 I went for rhyme over clarity. 494 00:19:22,601 --> 00:19:25,868 Look, I'm, uh... I'm really sorry about before. 495 00:19:25,967 --> 00:19:27,701 I just think we were both wrong. 496 00:19:27,768 --> 00:19:30,167 Really? Because I'm an 18-year-old girl, 497 00:19:30,234 --> 00:19:31,868 and you made me cry in public. 498 00:19:31,933 --> 00:19:34,334 Mm. Okay, maybe I was a little more wrong. 499 00:19:34,401 --> 00:19:38,234 I should grow up and make peace with being here. 500 00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:39,601 I mean, it's not like 501 00:19:39,667 --> 00:19:40,967 Greendale's gonna kill me or anything. 502 00:19:41,033 --> 00:19:42,667 - Bluuulll... - Holy crap! 503 00:19:42,734 --> 00:19:44,434 - Aah! - Oh, sorry. 504 00:19:44,501 --> 00:19:47,267 Hey, say hello to our ethnically neutral mascot... 505 00:19:47,334 --> 00:19:49,768 The "Greendale Human Being". 506 00:19:49,834 --> 00:19:52,100 The costume makes it difficult for him to see. 507 00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:55,501 He can't move his mouth either. 508 00:19:55,567 --> 00:19:58,300 But take it from me, that's human for "hello". 509 00:19:58,367 --> 00:20:00,534 Let's get you into the pep rally! 510 00:20:00,601 --> 00:20:03,567 Great idea. Let's do it! 511 00:20:03,634 --> 00:20:05,100 We've solved racism. What's next? 512 00:20:05,167 --> 00:20:07,300 Uh, let's do something for little people. 513 00:20:07,367 --> 00:20:09,634 - Ooh! Or albinos! - Little albinos. 514 00:20:09,701 --> 00:20:11,200 This has the potential 515 00:20:11,267 --> 00:20:13,601 to be a uniquely Greendale experience. 516 00:20:13,667 --> 00:20:16,200 Milady. 517 00:20:16,267 --> 00:20:18,401 Milord. 518 00:20:18,402 --> 00:20:29,753 Sync by YesCool - corrected by 4be1 www.addic7ed.Com