1
00:00:02,733 --> 00:00:05,234
A small fading remnant of a star.

2
00:00:05,301 --> 00:00:07,301
- A white dwarf.
- That's right!

3
00:00:07,367 --> 00:00:09,301
I used a memory technique.

4
00:00:09,367 --> 00:00:10,700
Dwarves hate being called midgets,

5
00:00:10,767 --> 00:00:13,034
and midgets are small.

6
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:14,467
And...

7
00:00:14,534 --> 00:00:16,934
What does a star turn
into after it collapses?

8
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,568
A movie of the week.

9
00:00:18,634 --> 00:00:20,367
- Black hole.
- Right!

10
00:00:20,434 --> 00:00:22,434
Troy! You could be an astronomer.

11
00:00:22,501 --> 00:00:24,034
As far as I'm concerned,

12
00:00:24,100 --> 00:00:27,800
there's only one
black hole worth studying.

13
00:00:27,867 --> 00:00:29,900
It's called Sagittarius A,

14
00:00:29,967 --> 00:00:31,900
it's located in the
center of our galaxy,

15
00:00:31,967 --> 00:00:33,900
and it has the density of 40 Suns.

16
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,134
- Just like my Weiner.
- Ha ha.

17
00:00:38,201 --> 00:00:40,301
You said Weiner. That's funny.

18
00:00:40,367 --> 00:00:42,000
Pierce and Troy
didn't get along at first,

19
00:00:42,067 --> 00:00:44,000
but now they're bonding
through mutual adolescence.

20
00:00:44,067 --> 00:00:46,334
- Shut up, boo-boo head.
- Will you shut up, fart head?

21
00:00:46,401 --> 00:00:47,800
Hi, everybody.

22
00:00:47,867 --> 00:00:50,401
Well, look at this group
having some kind of meeting

23
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:51,967
and being so diverse.

24
00:00:52,034 --> 00:00:53,601
There is just... boy!

25
00:00:53,668 --> 00:00:56,067
There is just one of
every kind of you, isn't there?

26
00:00:56,134 --> 00:00:57,434
Well, we are missing a pipsqueak,

27
00:00:57,501 --> 00:00:58,934
but we don't want one, so beat it.

28
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,800
Um, Pierce, that's the dean.

29
00:01:00,867 --> 00:01:03,234
- Are you kidding?
- Mm-mm.

30
00:01:03,301 --> 00:01:04,833
Sorry. Just my luck.

31
00:01:04,900 --> 00:01:06,401
It's all right.
Don't let me interrupt.

32
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:09,833
Sometimes I just roll around
campus like a little football.

33
00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:11,934
I can't believe this.

34
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,934
Here I am in a random
conversation about football,

35
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,867
and I'm talking to Troy Barnes,

36
00:01:16,934 --> 00:01:20,034
star quarterback from
Riverside High... whoa.

37
00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:22,668
Troy, did you know that
Greendale has a football team?

38
00:01:22,733 --> 00:01:24,534
Did you know they had a football?

39
00:01:24,601 --> 00:01:26,501
Ha. That's very funny.

40
00:01:26,568 --> 00:01:29,100
Troy, I was so sorry
to hear about your injury.

41
00:01:29,167 --> 00:01:30,668
But now that you have recovered,

42
00:01:30,733 --> 00:01:33,334
we would love for you to play
for the "Human Beings".

43
00:01:33,401 --> 00:01:35,568
The team's name is the "Human Beings"?

44
00:01:35,634 --> 00:01:37,000
Yeah. My idea.

45
00:01:37,067 --> 00:01:38,467
It was the "Greendale Grizzlies",

46
00:01:38,534 --> 00:01:40,000
but I thought that, um...

47
00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:41,434
Well, a lot of these students

48
00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:43,367
have been called animals
their whole lives.

49
00:01:43,434 --> 00:01:46,167
Unfortunately, I don't know
what to do about the mascot.

50
00:01:46,234 --> 00:01:47,833
Oh, I can help you
with that, your honor.

51
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,401
I have a wealth of experience

52
00:01:50,467 --> 00:01:52,000
in image management, icon development,

53
00:01:52,067 --> 00:01:55,833
and Y2K Preparedness.

54
00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:57,501
Troy, all of your friends are lining up

55
00:01:57,568 --> 00:01:59,000
to turn Greendale around.

56
00:01:59,067 --> 00:02:00,334
How about you?

57
00:02:00,401 --> 00:02:02,167
Troy isn't interested in football anymore.

58
00:02:02,234 --> 00:02:03,634
Getting injured in that "keg stand"

59
00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:04,934
was the best thing that
ever happened to him.

60
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,134
Whoa! Yoko Ono much?

61
00:02:08,367 --> 00:02:10,767
Bros before Hoes, Troy.

62
00:02:10,833 --> 00:02:12,267
Listen, man.

63
00:02:12,334 --> 00:02:13,867
No offense, but I was the best,

64
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:15,568
and I finished on top.

65
00:02:15,634 --> 00:02:17,267
I wouldn't play for this
school with a 10-foot pole.

66
00:02:17,334 --> 00:02:19,833
Dean, I'm sure Troy
will sign up for football

67
00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:21,867
if and when some accident

68
00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:24,634
damages the part of
his brain that feels pride.

69
00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:26,034
Until then, would you excuse us?

70
00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:28,401
All right, well, uh...
If you change your mind,

71
00:02:28,467 --> 00:02:29,800
the field is always open.

72
00:02:29,867 --> 00:02:31,201
Oh, figuratively speaking.

73
00:02:31,267 --> 00:02:32,634
You know, Wednesdays and Sundays

74
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:35,367
it's used as parking overflow
for the megachurch.

75
00:02:35,434 --> 00:02:36,867
Okay.

76
00:02:36,934 --> 00:02:38,700
Now let's meet the minimum requirements

77
00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:40,467
for a language credit, shall we?

78
00:02:40,534 --> 00:02:42,534
Yes, but I need to go
to the bathroom first.

79
00:02:42,601 --> 00:02:46,401
- Uh, Britta?
- Oh, no, I don't have to go.

80
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:49,067
I'll go with you.

81
00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:53,733
What? She's offended?

82
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:55,568
Girls go in groups.

83
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:58,234
Did you learn nothing from
stand-up comedy in the '90s?

84
00:02:58,301 --> 00:03:00,234
I'm familiar with the concept.
I'm just... fine.

85
00:03:00,301 --> 00:03:03,000
If it's important to Shirley,
I'll go with her next time.

86
00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:06,234
I'm willing to try some more
mainstream feminine stuff.

87
00:03:06,301 --> 00:03:09,601
Well, then you should know
that nothing says "I'm a woman"

88
00:03:09,668 --> 00:03:11,601
like doing it with me.

89
00:03:11,668 --> 00:03:14,067
Nothing says, "I'm a pig", like you.

90
00:03:14,134 --> 00:03:16,833
Will they or won't they?
Sexual tension.

91
00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:18,568
Abed, it makes the group uncomfortable

92
00:03:18,634 --> 00:03:20,100
when you talk about us

93
00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:22,334
like we're characters
in a show you're watching.

94
00:03:22,401 --> 00:03:23,833
Well, that's sort of my gimmick.

95
00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:25,434
But we did lean on that
pretty hard last week.

96
00:03:25,501 --> 00:03:27,167
I can lay low for an episode.

97
00:03:33,101 --> 00:03:36,353
Sync By YesCool - corrected by 4be1
www.addic7ed.com

98
00:03:36,534 --> 00:03:38,967
You sure you made the right
call on the football team, Troy?

99
00:03:39,034 --> 00:03:41,668
It looks like they won something once.

100
00:03:41,733 --> 00:03:46,301
"Most valued customer.
Henderson trophy cases."

101
00:03:46,367 --> 00:03:47,668
So we should still study

102
00:03:47,733 --> 00:03:49,401
a little more astronomy later, right?

103
00:03:49,467 --> 00:03:52,267
Maybe over some
Milky Ways or some Mars Bars.

104
00:03:52,334 --> 00:03:54,934
Or pancakes!

105
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:58,601
"I'm jeff. And I'm a
student at Greendale."

106
00:03:58,668 --> 00:04:01,000
That's not good.

107
00:04:01,067 --> 00:04:04,000
Wood undergoes rapid oxidation

108
00:04:04,067 --> 00:04:06,568
because it reacts spontaneously to...

109
00:04:08,167 --> 00:04:10,234
Okay, guys, seriously,
we've talked about this, okay?

110
00:04:10,301 --> 00:04:13,034
You have got to turn off your cell...

111
00:04:14,301 --> 00:04:15,501
That's mine. My bad.

112
00:04:15,568 --> 00:04:17,134
I'm going to the bathroom.

113
00:04:17,201 --> 00:04:18,334
Hi!

114
00:04:18,401 --> 00:04:19,467
Would you like to come with me?

115
00:04:19,534 --> 00:04:21,634
Well, yes, yes, I would.

116
00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:23,301
Oh, that's nice!

117
00:04:23,367 --> 00:04:25,134
Okay, what's it called?

118
00:04:25,201 --> 00:04:26,967
Antoni... An... hold on.

119
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,467
Does anyone have a pen? Pen?

120
00:04:29,534 --> 00:04:30,967
No one has a pen.

121
00:04:31,034 --> 00:04:32,867
Why would you not bring a pen to class?

122
00:04:32,934 --> 00:04:34,167
Idiot.

123
00:04:34,234 --> 00:04:35,601
No, you're not an idiot.

124
00:04:35,668 --> 00:04:37,800
I had my blinker on about five minutes,

125
00:04:37,867 --> 00:04:39,301
and this no-good, clearly bald

126
00:04:39,367 --> 00:04:40,733
but trying to hide it
with a bandana loser

127
00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,800
swooped right in.
I couldn't believe it.

128
00:04:42,867 --> 00:04:44,833
- Maybe he didn't see you.
- He saw me!

129
00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:47,000
Maybe he had his blinker on too.

130
00:04:47,067 --> 00:04:50,067
Maybe. So you... got any family, Britta?

131
00:04:50,134 --> 00:04:52,034
Yeah, whatever.

132
00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:54,367
Think my mom might visit this weekend.

133
00:04:54,434 --> 00:04:56,267
She and I are gonna get
makeovers at that Spa...

134
00:04:56,334 --> 00:04:57,467
Makeovers.

135
00:04:57,534 --> 00:04:59,534
They sure have us programmed, right?

136
00:04:59,601 --> 00:05:01,700
I am a female pleasure unit.

137
00:05:01,767 --> 00:05:04,367
I require a new coat of paint.

138
00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:06,401
Just something I thought might be fun.

139
00:05:06,467 --> 00:05:08,067
Here's something I think might be fun.

140
00:05:08,134 --> 00:05:09,900
Let's find out the number
of makeup companies

141
00:05:09,967 --> 00:05:11,668
that are owned by women.

142
00:05:11,733 --> 00:05:13,934
I'll save you the trouble. It's zero.

143
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,568
But of course you're saying,
"Britta, aren't you a hypocrite?"

144
00:05:16,634 --> 00:05:18,934
"You're plastered with glitter
and goo from head to toe, "

145
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,568
"just like the rest of us."

146
00:05:20,634 --> 00:05:23,434
Well, I also pay income tax
and pull over for cops,

147
00:05:23,501 --> 00:05:24,934
but that doesn't mean I support...

148
00:05:28,067 --> 00:05:30,501
Thanks for offering to help
design the new mascot.

149
00:05:30,568 --> 00:05:32,334
I, uh, have been a little stumped.

150
00:05:32,401 --> 00:05:34,000
That's no problem.

151
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:35,301
By the way, I took the liberty

152
00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:37,267
of thumbnailing a human being prototype

153
00:05:37,334 --> 00:05:41,000
Which I modeled after
da Vinci's Vitruvian Man.

154
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,334
The penis is a little small, I think.

155
00:05:44,401 --> 00:05:45,967
- Oh, I think it's...
- Oh. Okay.

156
00:05:46,034 --> 00:05:47,733
It... looks a lot like you.

157
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,434
Um, here's the thing.

158
00:05:49,501 --> 00:05:51,967
If we are the "Human Beings", you know,

159
00:05:52,034 --> 00:05:54,401
and we have a mascot
that's just a white guy,

160
00:05:54,467 --> 00:05:56,634
what message are we sending?

161
00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:59,000
Our symbol needs to reflect
the diversity of our school

162
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:00,668
and our species.

163
00:06:00,733 --> 00:06:02,434
So... black?

164
00:06:02,501 --> 00:06:04,767
No. No, because we're not
the "Greendale Blacks",

165
00:06:04,833 --> 00:06:06,334
Mr. Hawthorne, or the "Greendale Asians"

166
00:06:06,401 --> 00:06:07,967
or any other creed.

167
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:10,067
We are the "Greendale Human Beings".

168
00:06:10,134 --> 00:06:11,800
Yeah.

169
00:06:11,867 --> 00:06:13,568
Sorry to disturb you guys...

170
00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:15,900
Who are clearly looking
at a naked drawing

171
00:06:15,967 --> 00:06:18,034
of pierce doing jumping jacks.

172
00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:20,167
- Dean, a quick download, please?
- Uh, absolutely.

173
00:06:20,234 --> 00:06:23,601
- Excuse me.
- Okay. Fill me in later.

174
00:06:23,668 --> 00:06:25,900
Ah.

175
00:06:25,967 --> 00:06:27,767
Whoa.

176
00:06:27,833 --> 00:06:30,100
I'll go with a pencil.

177
00:06:30,167 --> 00:06:31,833
- First of all...
- Mm-hmm.

178
00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:33,334
- I'm flattered.
- Oh, well.

179
00:06:33,401 --> 00:06:34,767
You're a very photogenic man.

180
00:06:34,833 --> 00:06:36,867
Is that real bed head, or do you
put something in there?

181
00:06:36,934 --> 00:06:38,800
Can I? Oh, it's crispy.

182
00:06:38,867 --> 00:06:40,934
I was thinking about
the four disembodied heads,

183
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,201
and I thought, where's the heart?

184
00:06:42,267 --> 00:06:43,601
Where's the soul?

185
00:06:43,668 --> 00:06:46,134
Where's the different poster design?

186
00:06:46,201 --> 00:06:48,134
You know, I did think those
were less than personable,

187
00:06:48,201 --> 00:06:50,967
which is why I went with the full bodies

188
00:06:51,034 --> 00:06:52,767
in these mailers we have going out.

189
00:06:54,367 --> 00:06:57,501
Mailers? I didn't give
permission for this.

190
00:06:57,568 --> 00:06:59,833
Jeffrey, did you not read
the release agreement

191
00:06:59,900 --> 00:07:01,201
on the back of your registration form?

192
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:05,367
I'm starting to see why
someone used to be a lawyer.

193
00:07:05,434 --> 00:07:06,700
Ha ha! Up top!

194
00:07:06,767 --> 00:07:09,000
If someone from
the outside were to find...

195
00:07:09,067 --> 00:07:11,467
Okay, if someone from
the outside were to find out

196
00:07:11,534 --> 00:07:13,934
that I am a student
at a community college,

197
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:17,134
that could have a negative
impact on my future career.

198
00:07:17,201 --> 00:07:20,634
Oh. Goodness.

199
00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:22,267
Look what we have stumbled onto...

200
00:07:22,334 --> 00:07:24,700
An opportunity to help each other out.

201
00:07:24,767 --> 00:07:27,833
I suppose I wouldn't need
this promotional campaign

202
00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:29,234
If I could announce to the press

203
00:07:29,301 --> 00:07:31,167
that Troy Barnes
is playing football here.

204
00:07:31,234 --> 00:07:32,833
I think he's been pretty clear

205
00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:34,534
about declining that offer.

206
00:07:34,601 --> 00:07:36,534
I think if you said, "jump,"
he'd say, "how high?'

207
00:07:36,601 --> 00:07:38,733
If you said, "stop,"
he'd say, "hammertime."

208
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,267
You starting to get what I mean?

209
00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:42,800
No. I need another example.

210
00:07:42,867 --> 00:07:44,867
You know, I didn't... realize before,

211
00:07:44,934 --> 00:07:47,434
but we should send those out
to local businesses.

212
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:49,100
Hmm?

213
00:07:49,167 --> 00:07:51,000
Law firms.

214
00:07:51,067 --> 00:07:53,067
Lawyer...

215
00:07:53,134 --> 00:07:55,800
Companies?

216
00:07:55,867 --> 00:07:58,534
Legal...

217
00:07:58,601 --> 00:08:00,201
Gatherings?

218
00:08:00,267 --> 00:08:01,100
Are you trying to blackmail me?

219
00:08:01,167 --> 00:08:02,100
I think so.

220
00:08:02,167 --> 00:08:03,767
Gentlemen...

221
00:08:03,833 --> 00:08:07,501
I present to you the
"Greendale Human Being".

222
00:08:07,568 --> 00:08:10,733
That's a falcon with a gun.

223
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,201
Now it's a falcon with an erection.

224
00:08:17,634 --> 00:08:20,700
Oh! Hi, Abed!

225
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:23,134
Bye. He's just laying low.

226
00:08:23,201 --> 00:08:25,167
Oh, are you going to the bathroom?

227
00:08:25,234 --> 00:08:27,534
- Uh, yes.
- I'll go with you.

228
00:08:27,601 --> 00:08:31,800
You know what? I'm good.

229
00:08:31,867 --> 00:08:33,167
She probably just, you know,

230
00:08:33,234 --> 00:08:36,034
had to go number two.

231
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:39,668
Okay. What's the
closest planet to Earth?

232
00:08:39,733 --> 00:08:41,067
Planet Hollywood.

233
00:08:41,134 --> 00:08:43,534
That's not the right answer.

234
00:08:43,601 --> 00:08:46,733
But it shows how fun astronomy can be.

235
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,401
Hey, Troy, can I talk to you for a sec?

236
00:08:48,467 --> 00:08:51,534
We're studying, so Troy's busy.

237
00:08:51,601 --> 00:08:53,501
Well, the galaxy's not going anywhere.

238
00:08:53,568 --> 00:08:55,867
I'll bring him back.

239
00:08:55,934 --> 00:08:58,034
You ever miss being
a quarterback, Troy?

240
00:08:58,100 --> 00:08:59,534
I miss being the best at something.

241
00:08:59,601 --> 00:09:02,767
I miss having a coach.

242
00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:05,434
I miss knowing what to think.

243
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:07,167
You still know what to think, Troy.

244
00:09:07,234 --> 00:09:08,568
- Oh, good.
- For instance,

245
00:09:08,634 --> 00:09:10,601
after the dean talked
to you about football,

246
00:09:10,668 --> 00:09:12,367
you and I were thinking the same thing.

247
00:09:12,434 --> 00:09:14,767
- That dude looks like Moby!
- We were thinking...

248
00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:16,568
What if Troy did play for Greendale?

249
00:09:16,634 --> 00:09:17,967
You'd be surprised

250
00:09:18,034 --> 00:09:19,700
at how many of your
favorite football players

251
00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,733
got started at community college.

252
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,401
Really? Name one.

253
00:09:23,467 --> 00:09:25,201
- Who's your favorite player?
- Me.

254
00:09:25,267 --> 00:09:27,034
Whoa!

255
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,767
Maybe you and I should go check out

256
00:09:28,833 --> 00:09:31,034
the "Greendale Thunderdome".

257
00:09:36,501 --> 00:09:40,267
The dome arrives later.
It comes with thunder.

258
00:09:40,334 --> 00:09:42,700
Let me tell you a little
secret about me, Troy.

259
00:09:42,767 --> 00:09:44,401
Every day on my way to school,

260
00:09:44,467 --> 00:09:47,134
I drive through downtown
past the courthouse

261
00:09:47,201 --> 00:09:49,900
just to get a glimpse of
the world that I once ruled.

262
00:09:49,967 --> 00:09:52,234
And I just wanna jump out of my car,

263
00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:53,700
run up the steps and...

264
00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:55,467
Exploit the legal system for profit.

265
00:09:55,534 --> 00:09:56,700
But I can't.

266
00:09:56,767 --> 00:09:58,867
I'm locked out of my old kingdom.

267
00:09:58,934 --> 00:10:01,401
You're not. You see what I'm saying?

268
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:03,867
You're saying I could be a lawyer.

269
00:10:03,934 --> 00:10:05,700
I'm saying you're a football player!

270
00:10:05,767 --> 00:10:07,367
- It's in your blood!
- That's racist!

271
00:10:07,434 --> 00:10:08,934
- Your soul.
- That's racist.

272
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,201
- Your eyes?
- That's gay?

273
00:10:10,267 --> 00:10:11,767
- That's homophobic.
- That's black.

274
00:10:11,833 --> 00:10:13,534
- That's racist!
- Damn.

275
00:10:13,601 --> 00:10:15,733
When you played, you were a god.

276
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:17,767
Now you're not playing, and you're not.

277
00:10:17,833 --> 00:10:20,100
I'd tell you to do the math,
but math isn't important.

278
00:10:20,167 --> 00:10:22,201
The only thing that's important is this.

279
00:10:22,267 --> 00:10:23,900
Yeah, but Annie said...

280
00:10:23,967 --> 00:10:26,000
Annie said that
Benjamin Button was compelling.

281
00:10:26,067 --> 00:10:28,301
Look, she's a smart girl,
but sometimes she's just wrong.

282
00:10:28,367 --> 00:10:30,100
85... Go long!

283
00:10:30,167 --> 00:10:32,167
It's like a drug, isn't it?

284
00:10:32,234 --> 00:10:35,668
Feel it, Troy. Throw it!

285
00:10:35,733 --> 00:10:37,167
The scoreboard lights up.

286
00:10:37,234 --> 00:10:38,934
There will be a scoreboard there.

287
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,534
It's complete! Nice catch!

288
00:10:41,601 --> 00:10:45,000
The girls, the glory,
the scouts, the career!

289
00:10:45,067 --> 00:10:47,668
It starts when you join this team.

290
00:10:47,733 --> 00:10:49,367
Is that linebacker a pregnant woman?

291
00:10:49,434 --> 00:10:50,833
Look, you can meet them later.

292
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,800
But this decision
has to be yours, T-Bone.

293
00:10:53,867 --> 00:10:56,467
And this decision has to be yes.

294
00:10:56,534 --> 00:10:58,067
How did you know my nickname's T-Bone?

295
00:10:58,134 --> 00:10:59,934
Because you're a football player,

296
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:03,367
and your name begins with "T".

297
00:11:03,434 --> 00:11:06,134
Your name... begins...

298
00:11:06,201 --> 00:11:08,501
with "T".

299
00:11:11,568 --> 00:11:13,634
Britta?

300
00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:15,767
Oh. Are you finished?

301
00:11:15,833 --> 00:11:17,401
I mean, I have to go,

302
00:11:17,467 --> 00:11:19,568
but apparently,
I failed yesterday's tryouts

303
00:11:19,634 --> 00:11:21,800
for the position of bathroom companion.

304
00:11:21,867 --> 00:11:23,700
Oh, Britta, I wasn't trying
to hurt your feelings.

305
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:26,067
You didn't hurt my feelings, Shirley.

306
00:11:26,134 --> 00:11:28,234
I don't need to go to
the bathroom with other people.

307
00:11:28,301 --> 00:11:30,401
I was just trying to throw you
a bone because I like you.

308
00:11:30,467 --> 00:11:32,967
Oh. You can keep that bone.

309
00:11:33,034 --> 00:11:35,100
Listening to a story about
a stranger pissing me off

310
00:11:35,167 --> 00:11:36,501
and taking the stranger's side?

311
00:11:36,568 --> 00:11:38,334
And then you can't talk
about your own business,

312
00:11:38,401 --> 00:11:39,934
but you insinuate my mama's a robot

313
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,601
because she and I want makeovers.

314
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:43,234
That is the ladies' room, Britta,

315
00:11:43,301 --> 00:11:45,668
a place where ladies
go to share, listen,

316
00:11:45,733 --> 00:11:49,034
support each other and...
discreetly eliminate waste.

317
00:11:49,100 --> 00:11:50,401
And I like you too.

318
00:11:50,467 --> 00:11:52,534
Even like that you're a little hard.

319
00:11:52,601 --> 00:11:55,167
But if you can't learn
to be soft in there,

320
00:11:55,234 --> 00:11:58,833
you need to pee alone.

321
00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:03,434
I've peed alone my whole life.

322
00:12:03,501 --> 00:12:06,000
Women have always hated me.

323
00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:07,967
I don't even know how it started.

324
00:12:08,034 --> 00:12:10,367
Maybe it was when I got
boobs before everyb...

325
00:12:10,434 --> 00:12:12,668
Shh, shh, shh.

326
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:15,034
Not out here.

327
00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:17,568
In there.

328
00:12:17,634 --> 00:12:18,700
Whoo!

329
00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:20,434
Ha ha! Troy, Troy,
the wonder boy!

330
00:12:20,501 --> 00:12:23,234
You dropped your books,
poindexter. Yeah!

331
00:12:23,301 --> 00:12:25,767
Troy, I've been waiting for an hour.

332
00:12:25,833 --> 00:12:29,067
It's all right, I'm worth it.
* Hip, hop, body don't stop *

333
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:36,367
Troy.

334
00:12:36,434 --> 00:12:38,434
Why are you doing
a politically conservative

335
00:12:38,501 --> 00:12:40,434
high school shamefully
outdated fight rap?

336
00:12:40,501 --> 00:12:42,501
Have you been playing football?

337
00:12:42,568 --> 00:12:43,934
Threw the skin around
a couple of times.

338
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,100
Still got it.

339
00:12:45,167 --> 00:12:46,100
Eh... eh... eh... eh...

340
00:12:46,167 --> 00:12:47,534
Doosh!

341
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:50,668
But you knew we had an
astronomy test tomorrow.

342
00:12:50,733 --> 00:12:52,067
Class blows.

343
00:12:52,134 --> 00:12:53,568
What I need to know about the Universe

344
00:12:53,634 --> 00:12:55,800
is that I'm at the center of it.

345
00:13:00,401 --> 00:13:02,900
Troy! Stop!

346
00:13:02,967 --> 00:13:04,668
Don't become this person again.

347
00:13:04,733 --> 00:13:06,301
This isn't the real you.

348
00:13:06,367 --> 00:13:08,301
This is the arrogant jock

349
00:13:08,367 --> 00:13:10,767
that totally ignored the only
people that truly liked him

350
00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:12,000
for non-superficial reasons

351
00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:13,301
but weren't allowed to say anything

352
00:13:13,367 --> 00:13:15,501
because their parents are bigots!

353
00:13:17,367 --> 00:13:21,434
Football is bad for you, Troy.

354
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,134
Jeff said you'd say that.

355
00:13:23,201 --> 00:13:25,900
Jeff... what now?

356
00:13:25,967 --> 00:13:28,167
Troy! Troy, Troy, Troy.

357
00:13:28,234 --> 00:13:30,067
That's my name.

358
00:13:30,134 --> 00:13:33,934
I think if we add in a little
bit of Phylicia Rashad

359
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,367
- we'll be in better shape.
- Yeah, you're right.

360
00:13:35,434 --> 00:13:36,634
That beige is a little light.

361
00:13:39,067 --> 00:13:40,067
Wow.

362
00:13:40,134 --> 00:13:41,501
Yeah. Yeah.

363
00:13:41,568 --> 00:13:44,134
We are developing the perfect mascot.

364
00:13:44,201 --> 00:13:48,034
No stereotypical identifiers
from any race or gender.

365
00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:50,100
See, Jeff, this is
a chart of the features

366
00:13:50,167 --> 00:13:52,401
we're staying away from...
Pan-Asian eye folds,

367
00:13:52,467 --> 00:13:55,134
Irish chins, women's breasts.

368
00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:58,434
- Is that seal?
- That is our human color wheel.

369
00:13:58,501 --> 00:14:01,000
It goes from seal to seal's teeth.

370
00:14:01,067 --> 00:14:02,767
What do you think?

371
00:14:02,833 --> 00:14:05,267
I think not being racist
is the new racism.

372
00:14:05,334 --> 00:14:07,934
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
What happened to the prototype?

373
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,100
Ooh! I left the nose in the kiln.

374
00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:14,034
So... Troy is gonna play football.

375
00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:15,501
Yes!

376
00:14:15,568 --> 00:14:17,167
Which means I'll be
getting rid of these.

377
00:14:17,234 --> 00:14:19,967
No. I won't mail these out,
but they are staying with me

378
00:14:20,034 --> 00:14:22,501
until the press announces
that Troy is a part of the team.

379
00:14:22,568 --> 00:14:24,267
And I want him at
that pep rally tonight.

380
00:14:24,334 --> 00:14:26,201
Reporters are gonna be there.

381
00:14:26,267 --> 00:14:28,867
We're gonna unveil the new mascot.

382
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:31,534
And things are finally going
to start turning around.

383
00:14:31,601 --> 00:14:34,167
Oh, and... my ex-therapist

384
00:14:34,234 --> 00:14:37,467
is gonna think twice before
he makes fun of my job!

385
00:14:37,534 --> 00:14:38,867
Here it is. Still hot.

386
00:14:38,934 --> 00:14:40,534
Ooh. Ow.

387
00:14:40,601 --> 00:14:42,234
Oh, Dean, I'm gonna get
some more coffee.

388
00:14:42,301 --> 00:14:43,733
- You want anything?
- Oh, yeah, a Desmond Tutu

389
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,601
with just enough cream to
make it a Lou Diamond Phillips.

390
00:14:45,668 --> 00:14:47,434
La bamba. Got it.

391
00:14:56,767 --> 00:14:58,267
I've been following you.

392
00:14:58,333 --> 00:15:00,168
How much did the Dean pay you
to make Troy play football?

393
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,400
I'm not having a
conversation with someone

394
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:02,400
who emerges from a bush.

395
00:15:02,467 --> 00:15:03,934
Because I'm right?

396
00:15:04,001 --> 00:15:06,134
No. Because I'm not in a
commercial for breakfast cereal.

397
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:09,801
Look... the dean has
pictures of me, okay?

398
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,801
Horrible pictures of me...

399
00:15:11,867 --> 00:15:14,034
Attending his school.

400
00:15:14,101 --> 00:15:15,934
And for that you'd convince Troy

401
00:15:16,001 --> 00:15:18,134
to flush his life down
football's toilet again?

402
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,600
Britta's right, you are
the most selfish person alive!

403
00:15:20,667 --> 00:15:22,801
And all that is gonna end right now.

404
00:15:22,867 --> 00:15:24,867
Because I'm telling him what
kind of friend you really are.

405
00:15:24,934 --> 00:15:26,200
Maybe you should tell him

406
00:15:26,267 --> 00:15:28,667
you're hopelessly in love with him.

407
00:15:28,734 --> 00:15:30,233
High school must have been tough, huh?

408
00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:32,400
Waiting for a superstar to notice you.

409
00:15:32,467 --> 00:15:35,034
But here... here... he's all alone,

410
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,300
and he needs so much help!

411
00:15:37,367 --> 00:15:39,101
Did you enroll in all of his classes,

412
00:15:39,168 --> 00:15:41,567
or were you worried
that might freak him out?

413
00:15:41,634 --> 00:15:43,634
The important thing is that
you are there for him.

414
00:15:43,701 --> 00:15:46,934
The important thing is that you
are the only one there for him.

415
00:15:47,001 --> 00:15:48,701
And you don't really care
what he wants...

416
00:15:48,767 --> 00:15:49,967
Just as long as you don't have to

417
00:15:50,034 --> 00:15:51,834
share him with the rest of the world.

418
00:15:51,901 --> 00:15:55,267
Because, really, you are
just as selfish as I am.

419
00:15:55,333 --> 00:15:58,500
You're just not as good at it yet.

420
00:15:58,567 --> 00:16:00,734
You're right.

421
00:16:00,801 --> 00:16:03,034
I could never be as good as you.

422
00:16:03,101 --> 00:16:05,101
Probably because I actually care.

423
00:16:05,168 --> 00:16:09,134
Profound, but technically meaningless.

424
00:16:09,233 --> 00:16:11,600
And don't bother trying
that thing that women do

425
00:16:11,667 --> 00:16:14,467
where they walk away and
make the guy feel like crap,

426
00:16:14,534 --> 00:16:16,367
because it won't happen!

427
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:18,400
Yeah!

428
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,701
Damn it.

429
00:16:25,001 --> 00:16:27,634
Shirley, will you please come
to the bathroom with me?

430
00:16:35,367 --> 00:16:36,834
Where's Shirley?

431
00:16:36,901 --> 00:16:38,567
Shirley's not coming.

432
00:16:38,634 --> 00:16:40,200
But I'm here...

433
00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:44,934
To listen... girl.

434
00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:47,834
Why do we inflict so
much pain on ourselves

435
00:16:47,901 --> 00:16:49,901
- for men?
- I don't...

436
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:52,034
Know... sweetie.

437
00:16:52,101 --> 00:16:57,767
Maybe... it's because men
make the world go round?

438
00:16:57,834 --> 00:17:00,500
Kleenex?

439
00:17:04,233 --> 00:17:06,001
I've been...

440
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:07,834
infatuated with Troy.

441
00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:10,200
Now he's joining football.

442
00:17:10,267 --> 00:17:13,701
Now he'll have his pick
of the litter and...

443
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:15,934
I'll never get to be with him!

444
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:18,034
Oh, Annie, screw him!

445
00:17:18,101 --> 00:17:21,300
There are guys out there
that would kill to be with you.

446
00:17:21,367 --> 00:17:22,667
And if Troy isn't one of them,

447
00:17:22,734 --> 00:17:24,333
that's him failing your standards.

448
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,001
You got that?

449
00:17:27,068 --> 00:17:28,667
You're right.

450
00:17:28,734 --> 00:17:30,267
I can't control him.

451
00:17:30,333 --> 00:17:32,200
And if I truly cared about him,

452
00:17:32,267 --> 00:17:37,034
I wouldn't want to.

453
00:17:37,101 --> 00:17:38,967
Thanks for talking to me, Britta.

454
00:17:39,034 --> 00:17:41,567
- It really helped.
- Seriously?

455
00:17:41,634 --> 00:17:44,767
- Yes.
- Who's my girl?

456
00:17:46,867 --> 00:17:49,434
- 'Scuse me!
- I did it, I did it!

457
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:51,901
Oh, yes, you did!

458
00:17:58,801 --> 00:18:00,667
Human Beings, Human Beings!

459
00:18:00,734 --> 00:18:03,367
Human Beings, Human Beings!

460
00:18:03,434 --> 00:18:05,767
Troy! Troy!

461
00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:08,168
- Don't go in there, man.
- What?

462
00:18:08,233 --> 00:18:10,134
You got the most you were
ever gonna get out of football

463
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,434
in high school.

464
00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:13,233
A life of disillusionment and depression

465
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,934
begins on the other side of that door.

466
00:18:15,001 --> 00:18:17,634
Hey, man... Is this your
first pep rally or something?

467
00:18:17,701 --> 00:18:19,367
You told me

468
00:18:19,434 --> 00:18:22,634
football was the most
important thing in the world.

469
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:25,101
Well, buckle up, Troy.
I was exaggerating.

470
00:18:25,168 --> 00:18:27,200
It's kinda my gimmick.
Let me tell you something...

471
00:18:27,267 --> 00:18:28,667
No, let me tell you something.

472
00:18:28,734 --> 00:18:30,967
You know that keg flip
that cost me my scholarship?

473
00:18:31,034 --> 00:18:32,901
Yeah.

474
00:18:32,967 --> 00:18:35,767
- I hurt myself on purpose.
- What?

475
00:18:35,834 --> 00:18:37,934
There was a scout coming
to the final game at Riverside

476
00:18:38,001 --> 00:18:40,134
and... I couldn't take the pressure,

477
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,934
so I took the easy way out.

478
00:18:42,001 --> 00:18:44,701
But when you showed me that field,

479
00:18:44,767 --> 00:18:46,734
I saw there was nothing
to worry about here.

480
00:18:46,801 --> 00:18:48,134
I could just play football
for the fun of it.

481
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:49,467
I mean, have you seen these guys?

482
00:18:49,534 --> 00:18:51,367
There is nowhere to go but up.

483
00:18:51,434 --> 00:18:53,300
Dude, we have feelings.

484
00:18:53,367 --> 00:18:56,168
I don't know about you,
but I know I ended up here

485
00:18:56,267 --> 00:19:00,701
because things weren't
that great out there.

486
00:19:00,767 --> 00:19:02,701
You should try accepting
where you're at, man.

487
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:07,267
Take a pottery class or something.

488
00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:08,901
Greendale, we're number one!

489
00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:11,734
Nancy Pelosi is no fun!

490
00:19:16,101 --> 00:19:19,168
- Hey.
- Hey.

491
00:19:20,867 --> 00:19:23,500
I've decided to support Troy.

492
00:19:23,567 --> 00:19:25,434
They deploy thingsin football, right?

493
00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:26,834
I went for rhyme over clarity.

494
00:19:26,901 --> 00:19:30,168
Look, I'm, uh... I'm really
sorry about before.

495
00:19:30,267 --> 00:19:32,001
I just think we were both wrong.

496
00:19:32,068 --> 00:19:34,467
Really? Because
I'm an 18-year-old girl,

497
00:19:34,534 --> 00:19:36,168
and you made me cry in public.

498
00:19:36,233 --> 00:19:38,634
Mm. Okay, maybe I was
a little more wrong.

499
00:19:38,701 --> 00:19:42,534
I should grow up and make
peace with being here.

500
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:43,901
I mean, it's not like

501
00:19:43,967 --> 00:19:45,267
Greendale's gonna kill me or anything.

502
00:19:45,333 --> 00:19:46,967
- Bluuulll...
- Holy crap!

503
00:19:47,034 --> 00:19:48,734
- Aah!
- Oh, sorry.

504
00:19:48,801 --> 00:19:51,567
Hey, say hello to our
ethnically neutral mascot...

505
00:19:51,634 --> 00:19:54,068
The "Greendale Human Being".

506
00:19:54,134 --> 00:19:56,400
The costume makes it
difficult for him to see.

507
00:19:58,101 --> 00:19:59,801
He can't move his mouth either.

508
00:19:59,867 --> 00:20:02,600
But take it from me,
that's human for "hello".

509
00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:04,834
Let's get you into the pep rally!

510
00:20:04,901 --> 00:20:07,867
Great idea. Let's do it!

511
00:20:07,934 --> 00:20:09,400
We've solved racism. What's next?

512
00:20:09,467 --> 00:20:11,600
Uh, let's do something
for little people.

513
00:20:11,667 --> 00:20:13,934
- Ooh! Or albinos!
- Little albinos.

514
00:20:14,001 --> 00:20:15,500
This has the potential

515
00:20:15,567 --> 00:20:17,901
to be a uniquely Greendale experience.

516
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:20,500
Milady.

517
00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:22,701
Milord.

518
00:20:22,702 --> 00:20:34,053
Sync by YesCool - corrected by 4be1
Resync by Pippo Inzaghi