1 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:02,000 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 2 00:02:03,883 --> 00:02:05,451 - * give me some more * 3 00:02:05,517 --> 00:02:07,084 ♪ time in a tree ♪ 4 00:02:07,150 --> 00:02:08,651 ♪ give me the hope ♪ 5 00:02:08,718 --> 00:02:10,384 ♪ to run out of steam ♪ 6 00:02:10,451 --> 00:02:12,017 ♪ somebody said ♪ 7 00:02:12,084 --> 00:02:13,617 ♪ it could be here ♪ 8 00:02:13,684 --> 00:02:16,017 ♪ we could be rolled up tight ♪ 9 00:02:16,084 --> 00:02:17,850 ♪ up dead in a year ♪ 10 00:02:17,917 --> 00:02:22,850 ♪ and i can't count the reasons i should stay ♪ 11 00:02:22,917 --> 00:02:27,351 ♪ one by one they all just fade away ♪ 12 00:02:30,084 --> 00:02:31,651 - the bernoulli distribution 13 00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:33,050 Is the number of successes 14 00:02:33,117 --> 00:02:34,617 In a sequence of independent 15 00:02:34,684 --> 00:02:36,850 Yes-no experiments. 16 00:02:36,917 --> 00:02:38,217 Okay. 17 00:02:38,284 --> 00:02:39,351 Uh, for the quiz monday, 18 00:02:39,417 --> 00:02:45,117 Brush up on chapters three and four. 19 00:02:45,184 --> 00:02:46,784 - bernoulli's one of my favorites. 20 00:02:46,850 --> 00:02:49,584 Little-known fact, statistics were not his only love. 21 00:02:49,651 --> 00:02:51,084 He's also famous for his french sauce 22 00:02:51,150 --> 00:02:52,117 Used on meat and poultry. 23 00:02:52,184 --> 00:02:53,484 - that's bearnaise. 24 00:02:53,551 --> 00:02:55,250 - oh, we may need to settle this at a restaurant. 25 00:02:55,317 --> 00:02:56,850 - it's cute. 26 00:02:56,917 --> 00:02:58,284 A little aggressive, 27 00:02:58,351 --> 00:03:00,150 But as a busy, confident woman of authority, 28 00:03:00,217 --> 00:03:01,617 I'm attracted to men who take charge. 29 00:03:01,684 --> 00:03:03,351 - are you being sarcastic, or am i nailing it? 30 00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,250 - you were nailing it, until you had to ask. 31 00:03:05,317 --> 00:03:07,384 - oh, damn it. starting over. 32 00:03:07,451 --> 00:03:08,850 Hey, you in the skirt, date me. 33 00:03:08,917 --> 00:03:09,917 - i'd like to, mr. winger. 34 00:03:09,983 --> 00:03:11,050 You're tall, you dress nice, 35 00:03:11,117 --> 00:03:12,384 And i've graded enough of your tests 36 00:03:12,451 --> 00:03:14,084 To know i'd never feel mentally inadequate. 37 00:03:14,150 --> 00:03:15,217 - thank you. 38 00:03:15,284 --> 00:03:17,150 - only problem, i don't date students. 39 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,017 - you know if you agree to go out with me-- 40 00:03:22,084 --> 00:03:23,017 Oh, hey. 41 00:03:23,084 --> 00:03:24,017 Awkward. 42 00:03:24,084 --> 00:03:25,217 How small is this campus? 43 00:03:25,284 --> 00:03:26,751 - bastard. 44 00:03:26,818 --> 00:03:28,451 - it's fine. i don't care. 45 00:03:28,517 --> 00:03:29,883 - it's disgusting the way men behave. 46 00:03:29,950 --> 00:03:31,651 Did you ever see that katherine heigl movie poster 47 00:03:31,718 --> 00:03:33,584 Where gerard butler had that heart over his weiner? 48 00:03:33,651 --> 00:03:34,617 That resonated with me. 49 00:03:34,684 --> 00:03:35,617 - okay, fine. 50 00:03:35,684 --> 00:03:36,617 But just to repeat, 51 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:37,651 I don't care what jeff does. 52 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:38,617 - bastard. 53 00:03:38,684 --> 00:03:39,651 - i'm barely a student. 54 00:03:39,718 --> 00:03:40,651 I'm older than you. 55 00:03:40,718 --> 00:03:41,950 I drive a lexus. 56 00:03:42,017 --> 00:03:43,184 i saw ghost busters in the theater. 57 00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:44,684 Look, my gums are receding. 58 00:03:44,751 --> 00:03:47,451 - it's uncanny how many of my buttons you're finding, 59 00:03:47,517 --> 00:03:49,651 But i have a personal rule about this, and i stick to it. 60 00:03:49,718 --> 00:03:51,784 - have a cup of coffee with me. i bet i can change your mind. 61 00:03:51,850 --> 00:03:53,184 - oh, i know you can. 62 00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:55,184 That's why you're not getting the chance. 63 00:03:55,250 --> 00:03:59,117 - ooh, whoo. 64 00:03:59,184 --> 00:04:01,584 - are you coming to my dias de los muertos party? 65 00:04:01,651 --> 00:04:03,150 - i'm definitely gonna try to swing by. 66 00:04:03,217 --> 00:04:05,117 - then i can mark you down as definitely being there 67 00:04:05,184 --> 00:04:07,351 From 7:00 sharp till upside-down spanish question mark? 68 00:04:07,417 --> 00:04:09,050 - here's the thing-- - no, here's the thing. 69 00:04:09,117 --> 00:04:10,651 I am putting my foot down. you understand? 70 00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,617 I am being assertive, 71 00:04:12,684 --> 00:04:14,584 And i am making eye contact, 72 00:04:14,651 --> 00:04:16,484 And it is achieving results. 73 00:04:16,551 --> 00:04:17,850 - are you trying to get formidable with me? 74 00:04:17,917 --> 00:04:18,917 - it worked on pierce. 75 00:04:18,983 --> 00:04:20,617 - infomercials work on pierce. 76 00:04:20,684 --> 00:04:23,751 - jeff, you're the cool guy, okay? 77 00:04:23,818 --> 00:04:26,617 If you show up, it'll be the first party i host 78 00:04:26,684 --> 00:04:27,950 Where everyone doesn't say 79 00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:31,684 They need to get home in time for the news. 80 00:04:31,751 --> 00:04:32,684 - this won't work. 81 00:04:32,751 --> 00:04:33,850 The last time you did this, 82 00:04:33,917 --> 00:04:35,217 I saved a vial of your tears 83 00:04:35,284 --> 00:04:36,983 And have been slowly building up an immunity. 84 00:04:37,050 --> 00:04:38,684 - i was so unpopular in high school, 85 00:04:38,751 --> 00:04:41,250 The crossing guard used to lure me into traffic. 86 00:04:41,317 --> 00:04:44,117 This party is a second chance 87 00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,551 To be... 88 00:04:45,617 --> 00:04:47,150 Hip. 89 00:04:47,217 --> 00:04:49,584 Cool! 90 00:04:49,651 --> 00:04:52,417 Laidback! 91 00:04:52,484 --> 00:04:53,983 - look, i will come to your party. 92 00:04:54,050 --> 00:04:55,584 - thank you. 93 00:04:55,651 --> 00:04:57,451 I'm putting you down for two bags of ice 94 00:04:57,517 --> 00:04:59,983 And a sleeve of paper cups. 95 00:05:14,084 --> 00:05:16,983 - taking a pill? 96 00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:19,184 - yes, i am. - xenolovaden. 97 00:05:19,250 --> 00:05:20,850 My grandpa took that when he was around your age. 98 00:05:20,917 --> 00:05:23,751 - fantastic. 99 00:05:23,818 --> 00:05:24,983 But by the time grandpa got up in years, 100 00:05:25,050 --> 00:05:26,517 His memory wasn't great. 101 00:05:26,584 --> 00:05:27,751 He'd mix the wrong pills. you know how old people are? 102 00:05:27,818 --> 00:05:29,050 - heard stories about it, yeah. 103 00:05:29,117 --> 00:05:30,284 - one time he started hallucinating 104 00:05:30,351 --> 00:05:31,718 And ran down the street with no pants on. 105 00:05:31,784 --> 00:05:33,551 Which in the gaza strip is considered a real party foul, 106 00:05:33,617 --> 00:05:35,117 So you should probably be careful-- 107 00:05:35,184 --> 00:05:37,317 - look, i really don't need your advice, 108 00:05:37,384 --> 00:05:39,484 And i'm not your pantsless grandpa. 109 00:05:39,551 --> 00:05:42,917 - pantsless grandpa. 110 00:05:42,983 --> 00:05:45,117 [latin music playing] 111 00:05:45,184 --> 00:05:46,351 - hola! 112 00:05:46,417 --> 00:05:47,317 [laughs] 113 00:05:47,384 --> 00:05:48,718 Scary. 114 00:05:48,818 --> 00:05:51,317 Oh, cute! cute. 115 00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:53,684 Oh, britta. 116 00:05:53,751 --> 00:05:55,050 You look adorable. 117 00:05:55,117 --> 00:05:56,184 - thank you. 118 00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:57,850 I hate when women use halloween 119 00:05:57,917 --> 00:05:59,484 As an excuse to dress up like sluts, you know? 120 00:05:59,551 --> 00:06:02,250 - yeah. 121 00:06:02,317 --> 00:06:04,351 Okay, everyone. 122 00:06:04,417 --> 00:06:06,417 I think we can begin. 123 00:06:06,484 --> 00:06:09,417 I've got everyone's personalized cookie tombstones, 124 00:06:09,484 --> 00:06:11,250 por tradicion, 125 00:06:11,317 --> 00:06:12,551 And in a few minutes, 126 00:06:12,617 --> 00:06:14,617 We're going to start the dance of the dead-- 127 00:06:14,684 --> 00:06:16,551 la danza de los muertos. 128 00:06:16,617 --> 00:06:18,084 - you don't have to keep doing that! 129 00:06:18,150 --> 00:06:19,651 - party on. 130 00:06:26,551 --> 00:06:27,883 - it's nice of you to be here. 131 00:06:27,950 --> 00:06:29,617 Sure you'd rather be out with your hot professor. 132 00:06:29,684 --> 00:06:30,718 - well, it's funny, 133 00:06:30,784 --> 00:06:32,050 I enrolled here as selfish loner, 134 00:06:32,117 --> 00:06:33,317 But you and the group have given me 135 00:06:33,384 --> 00:06:34,651 A crash course in friendship. 136 00:06:34,718 --> 00:06:36,317 - she blew you off, huh? - she's grading papers. 137 00:06:36,384 --> 00:06:37,684 - professor slater? 138 00:06:37,751 --> 00:06:39,084 She's not grading papers. 139 00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:40,718 She's at the faculty party in the cafeteria. 140 00:06:40,784 --> 00:06:42,718 - oh, look, it's the eavesdropping matador. 141 00:06:42,784 --> 00:06:45,617 - are you saying my people are sneaky? 142 00:06:45,684 --> 00:06:47,017 - what? 143 00:06:47,084 --> 00:06:48,184 - [deep voice] there's a storm 144 00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:49,351 Building on the horizon, 145 00:06:49,417 --> 00:06:51,050 But you and i will save the night. 146 00:06:51,117 --> 00:06:53,617 Chex mix, pretzels, baby carrots, 147 00:06:53,684 --> 00:06:57,784 Predictable but appetizing. 148 00:06:57,850 --> 00:06:59,117 - hey. - hey. 149 00:06:59,184 --> 00:07:01,050 - can i ask you something i always wanted to ask 150 00:07:01,117 --> 00:07:03,217 The real batman? - yeah. 151 00:07:03,284 --> 00:07:04,484 - am i good looking? 152 00:07:04,551 --> 00:07:06,217 - you're a very attractive young man. 153 00:07:06,284 --> 00:07:11,050 - i knew it. 154 00:07:11,117 --> 00:07:13,284 - let's get this party started! 155 00:07:13,351 --> 00:07:14,684 - who are you? 156 00:07:14,751 --> 00:07:18,050 - i am the beastmaster. 157 00:07:18,117 --> 00:07:21,417 from the movie beastmaster. 158 00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:23,417 What rock have you been living under? 159 00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:24,917 What are you going as? 160 00:07:24,983 --> 00:07:26,917 A gay douchebag? just kidding. 161 00:07:26,983 --> 00:07:28,818 - nice one. i'm not much of a costume guy. 162 00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:30,050 - i know, you're not much 163 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,584 Of a liking the ladies guy either, huh? 164 00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:36,217 Oop. body blow. is that liquor? 165 00:07:36,284 --> 00:07:37,217 - [british accent] hello. 166 00:07:37,284 --> 00:07:38,284 Here's your drinks, mates. 167 00:07:38,351 --> 00:07:39,284 - oh, thanks, urkel. 168 00:07:39,351 --> 00:07:40,451 - i'm harry potter. 169 00:07:40,517 --> 00:07:41,617 - really? 170 00:07:41,684 --> 00:07:44,217 - what up, urkel? 171 00:07:52,751 --> 00:07:54,150 - hey. 172 00:07:54,217 --> 00:07:56,284 - oh... 173 00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:58,484 - all right. what are you taking? 174 00:07:58,551 --> 00:07:59,917 - huh? oh. 175 00:07:59,983 --> 00:08:02,084 You know, the usual cool stuff. 176 00:08:02,150 --> 00:08:04,917 I've got 'ludes, uh, dreamers... 177 00:08:04,983 --> 00:08:05,950 Johnny boys. 178 00:08:06,017 --> 00:08:06,950 - tell you what. 179 00:08:07,017 --> 00:08:08,684 I'll trade you one of mine 180 00:08:08,751 --> 00:08:10,651 For two of yours. hmm? 181 00:08:10,718 --> 00:08:12,950 - i don't know, star-burns. i'm-- 182 00:08:13,017 --> 00:08:14,250 - oh, sorry. 183 00:08:14,317 --> 00:08:15,950 I thought i was dealing with the beastmaster. 184 00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:19,718 - hey, hey, who said you weren't? 185 00:08:19,784 --> 00:08:22,017 Saddle up, fruit pie. 186 00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,384 - i don't mind if i do. may i? 187 00:08:24,451 --> 00:08:27,217 - here. take this. 188 00:08:27,284 --> 00:08:29,484 Give anyone that shows up their stupid credit. 189 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:30,651 - you going to the faculty party? 190 00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:31,684 Make me your plus one. 191 00:08:31,751 --> 00:08:32,850 - ah, give it up, winger. 192 00:08:32,917 --> 00:08:35,551 Professor slater doesn't date students. 193 00:08:35,617 --> 00:08:38,551 Or married asians who drive mopeds. 194 00:08:38,617 --> 00:08:41,317 - give you 20 bucks. 195 00:08:41,384 --> 00:08:43,484 - i'll bring the hog around. 196 00:08:55,150 --> 00:08:57,217 - okay, it's time for the dance of the dead. 197 00:08:58,284 --> 00:09:00,217 Everyone form a circle. 198 00:09:00,284 --> 00:09:03,150 Lights. music. 199 00:09:03,217 --> 00:09:06,718 - is it under genre or on a specific playlist? 200 00:09:06,784 --> 00:09:08,818 - hey, uh, man? what'd you slip me? 201 00:09:08,883 --> 00:09:12,150 I keep grinding my teeth, and i want to kiss everybody. 202 00:09:12,217 --> 00:09:14,117 - what'd you slip me, man? 203 00:09:14,184 --> 00:09:16,883 My heart stopped racing, and i can't pee. 204 00:09:16,950 --> 00:09:19,050 - now for the first dance, 205 00:09:19,117 --> 00:09:22,217 I'd like to invite a very special guest to the floor. 206 00:09:22,284 --> 00:09:24,517 Jeff winger? 207 00:09:28,384 --> 00:09:29,950 Jeff? 208 00:09:30,017 --> 00:09:31,351 Where's jeff? 209 00:09:38,451 --> 00:09:40,451 - is jeff gone? 210 00:09:40,518 --> 00:09:41,417 [whistles] 211 00:09:41,484 --> 00:09:43,284 You know, i'm gonna go. 212 00:09:43,351 --> 00:09:44,384 I don't want to miss the news. 213 00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:45,683 - news! 214 00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:48,151 - he just stepped out. 215 00:09:48,217 --> 00:09:51,884 He's gonna be right back. 216 00:09:51,950 --> 00:09:54,584 He's going to the faculty party. 217 00:09:54,650 --> 00:09:56,050 - to be with professor short skirt? 218 00:09:56,117 --> 00:09:57,284 We hate her. 219 00:09:57,351 --> 00:09:59,451 - no, it's not about her, shirley. 220 00:09:59,518 --> 00:10:01,417 I can't believe that jeff would do this to annie. 221 00:10:01,484 --> 00:10:03,484 - yes, absolutely. it's about annie. 222 00:10:03,551 --> 00:10:05,151 We should go find that bitch's car 223 00:10:05,217 --> 00:10:08,351 And snap off her antenna. 224 00:10:08,417 --> 00:10:10,251 - it's like high school all over again. 225 00:10:10,317 --> 00:10:12,783 Everyone's leaving. 226 00:10:12,850 --> 00:10:14,518 - not me. 227 00:10:14,584 --> 00:10:17,618 I could do this all night. 228 00:10:27,900 --> 00:10:28,434 - there you go, pretty lady. 229 00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:30,267 - what are you doing here? 230 00:10:30,334 --> 00:10:32,000 - showing you my non-student side. 231 00:10:32,067 --> 00:10:33,867 - i have to admit, this outfit's doing it for me. 232 00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,467 I may or may not have been deflowered 233 00:10:35,534 --> 00:10:36,900 By a junior rodeo champion. 234 00:10:36,967 --> 00:10:38,634 - you're reminding me of my first time too. 235 00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:40,534 - you lost your virginity to robin hood? 236 00:10:40,601 --> 00:10:42,334 - no, with an attractive woman at a party. 237 00:10:42,401 --> 00:10:44,134 We seem destined to repeat history. 238 00:10:44,201 --> 00:10:46,000 - i told you no students. it's unseemly. 239 00:10:46,067 --> 00:10:47,601 I go out with you, you tell your friends, 240 00:10:47,668 --> 00:10:49,234 It gets around the school-- - what friends? 241 00:10:49,301 --> 00:10:50,334 I have no friends. 242 00:10:50,401 --> 00:10:51,934 I hate everyone here but you. 243 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,234 - hey. 244 00:10:53,301 --> 00:10:54,401 - what are you doing here? 245 00:10:54,467 --> 00:10:55,767 - what are you doing here? 246 00:10:55,867 --> 00:10:57,401 You should be over at the library with annie... 247 00:10:57,467 --> 00:10:58,934 Whoa. 248 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,534 Yippy ki yay. 249 00:11:01,601 --> 00:11:02,934 Thought you weren't a costume guy. 250 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,267 - you had to have one to get in here, squirrel. 251 00:11:04,334 --> 00:11:05,800 - oh, so where did you get it? 252 00:11:05,867 --> 00:11:07,534 'cause i wouldn't think that any costume stores 253 00:11:07,601 --> 00:11:08,800 Would be open this late. 254 00:11:08,867 --> 00:11:10,767 - i don't know what you're getting at. 255 00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:12,167 - i think the words that you're looking for 256 00:11:12,234 --> 00:11:13,601 Are "i own a cowboy outfit." 257 00:11:13,668 --> 00:11:16,134 And it is tight too. did you buy it like that? 258 00:11:16,201 --> 00:11:18,201 Your toy gun to my head, i'd say yes. 259 00:11:18,267 --> 00:11:20,100 - hi. michelle slater, ph.d. 260 00:11:20,167 --> 00:11:21,534 - britta perry, g.e.d. 261 00:11:21,601 --> 00:11:23,134 - oh, are you a classmate of jeff's? 262 00:11:23,201 --> 00:11:24,568 - oh, well, when you say "classmate," 263 00:11:24,634 --> 00:11:26,467 It sounds like we take naps together and eat paste, 264 00:11:26,534 --> 00:11:28,301 But what's great about community colleges 265 00:11:28,367 --> 00:11:29,900 Is that a lot of the students 266 00:11:29,967 --> 00:11:31,568 Are just as mature as the teachers. 267 00:11:31,634 --> 00:11:33,934 - jeff, you must return to annie's party. 268 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,434 She's feeling unpopular. 269 00:11:35,501 --> 00:11:38,367 - jeff, pierce took something, and he is tripping balls. 270 00:11:38,434 --> 00:11:40,534 He is touching people and dancing weird. 271 00:11:40,601 --> 00:11:42,568 it's like grumpy old men but not hilarious. 272 00:11:42,634 --> 00:11:44,367 - okay, uh, guys? 273 00:11:44,434 --> 00:11:46,867 I'm at a grownup halloween party, all right? 274 00:11:46,934 --> 00:11:48,334 You're all being unseemly. 275 00:11:48,401 --> 00:11:50,700 - oh, no. - how are we unseemly? 276 00:11:50,767 --> 00:11:53,267 - why is urkel ripping the antenna 277 00:11:53,334 --> 00:11:54,934 Off professor slater's car? 278 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,134 - [grunts] 279 00:11:56,201 --> 00:11:58,067 That's right, professor slim calves. 280 00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:02,134 This is what you get when you steal jeff from a good woman! 281 00:12:05,034 --> 00:12:06,767 - no, abed! 282 00:12:06,833 --> 00:12:08,568 [laughs] 283 00:12:08,634 --> 00:12:11,833 [meowing] 284 00:12:16,034 --> 00:12:18,934 - is he meowing? - yeah. 285 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,301 - enough. i want you guys out of here. 286 00:12:21,367 --> 00:12:23,501 Britta, i don't care about your high school soap opera. 287 00:12:23,568 --> 00:12:27,067 Abed, you're not batman. 288 00:12:27,134 --> 00:12:28,867 - pierce. pierce. pierce. 289 00:12:28,934 --> 00:12:31,401 Stop grinding on the women's studies department. 290 00:12:31,467 --> 00:12:33,800 You are too old to be tripping. 291 00:12:33,867 --> 00:12:36,067 - i'm old? 292 00:12:36,134 --> 00:12:39,833 What do you mean old? 293 00:12:39,900 --> 00:12:43,301 Whose hands are these? 294 00:12:43,367 --> 00:12:44,301 Aah! 295 00:12:44,367 --> 00:12:45,800 Aah! 296 00:12:45,867 --> 00:12:46,833 Help me! 297 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:48,167 - way to go. 298 00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:49,767 [normal voice] - i know i'm not batman. 299 00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:51,967 You could try not being a jerk. 300 00:12:52,034 --> 00:12:56,034 - she's pretty hot. 301 00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:59,568 - well, where were we, little doggie? 302 00:12:59,634 --> 00:13:02,833 - unseemly. - yeah. crap. 303 00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:05,700 [glass breaks] 304 00:13:06,900 --> 00:13:09,434 - shirley? 305 00:13:09,501 --> 00:13:13,000 - [grunting] 306 00:13:13,067 --> 00:13:14,833 - shirley! 307 00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:16,367 - this is professor robin hood's office. 308 00:13:16,434 --> 00:13:17,800 - so what are you doing? 309 00:13:17,867 --> 00:13:19,134 - i'm putting this hose in her desk, 310 00:13:19,201 --> 00:13:20,334 And you going outside to turn the water on. 311 00:13:20,401 --> 00:13:21,767 - why? 312 00:13:21,833 --> 00:13:24,267 - to teach that long-neck weave-having bank teller 313 00:13:24,334 --> 00:13:25,367 She can't steal another woman's man! 314 00:13:25,434 --> 00:13:27,267 That's why. 315 00:13:27,334 --> 00:13:31,401 Uh... 316 00:13:31,467 --> 00:13:34,134 I have a confession to make. 317 00:13:34,201 --> 00:13:35,534 I think some of what i just said 318 00:13:35,601 --> 00:13:37,534 May have more to do with my situation. 319 00:13:37,601 --> 00:13:39,367 - yeah, the long-neck, weave-having bank teller 320 00:13:39,434 --> 00:13:41,434 Didn't feel universal. 321 00:13:41,501 --> 00:13:43,900 - my ex-husband came by this morning, 322 00:13:43,967 --> 00:13:47,201 And he, uh, he asked for his ring back. 323 00:13:47,267 --> 00:13:48,467 It was his mother's, 324 00:13:48,534 --> 00:13:51,167 And he wants to give it to his new girlfriend. 325 00:13:51,234 --> 00:13:53,134 - shirley, that sucks. 326 00:13:53,201 --> 00:13:54,434 - don't get me wrong. 327 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,234 Best thing ever happened to me was him leaving. 328 00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:59,100 I just--i always thought he'd come crawling back, 329 00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:03,267 And i'd get to tell him, "go to hell." 330 00:14:03,334 --> 00:14:04,733 He couldn't even give me that. 331 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,534 [sniffs] 332 00:14:06,601 --> 00:14:08,833 You know what the crazy thing is, britta? 333 00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:12,467 - everything you've done tonight? 334 00:14:12,534 --> 00:14:15,434 - it's like i was too proud to admit i was hurt, 335 00:14:15,501 --> 00:14:17,668 So i had to pretend that you were. 336 00:14:17,733 --> 00:14:20,234 - i totally get that. 337 00:14:20,301 --> 00:14:23,100 - i feel better now. 338 00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:24,934 - let's go check on annie. 339 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:29,301 - mm-hmm. mm. 340 00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:31,867 Can you believe i targeted this poor lady? 341 00:14:31,934 --> 00:14:33,900 Look at all these awards. 342 00:14:33,967 --> 00:14:35,568 I bet she's nice. 343 00:14:35,634 --> 00:14:37,733 - yeah. 344 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,367 Nice and pretentious. 345 00:14:39,434 --> 00:14:42,267 [latin music] 346 00:14:42,334 --> 00:14:48,067 ♪ ♪ 347 00:14:48,134 --> 00:14:49,067 - pierce? 348 00:14:49,134 --> 00:14:52,668 Pierce, are you okay? 349 00:14:52,733 --> 00:14:54,934 - hey, man, what's going on? 350 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,401 You have a full-on erection. 351 00:14:57,467 --> 00:14:59,134 Just rela-- just relax. 352 00:14:59,201 --> 00:15:02,934 - pierce, relax. just relax, okay? 353 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,501 Pierce! 354 00:15:04,568 --> 00:15:09,134 - you are too old to be tripping! 355 00:15:09,201 --> 00:15:11,700 - pierce... - [evil laughter] 356 00:15:11,767 --> 00:15:14,334 - you are too old to be tripping. 357 00:15:14,401 --> 00:15:17,000 - tell me about the beatles, pierce. 358 00:15:17,067 --> 00:15:21,967 Tell me about woodstock and sputnik, pierce. 359 00:15:33,434 --> 00:15:35,267 - gee, do i feel a breeze here? 360 00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:37,268 Because someone just struck out. 361 00:15:37,333 --> 00:15:39,500 - she blew you off too, chang. 362 00:15:39,567 --> 00:15:40,934 - is that what you had to fall back on? 363 00:15:41,001 --> 00:15:43,300 Look at me, bro. look at me. 364 00:15:43,367 --> 00:15:45,901 I've got the body of a fifth grader, okay? 365 00:15:45,967 --> 00:15:47,534 If i was working with what you've got, 366 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,433 She'd be at the comfort inn right now 367 00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:50,667 Giving me a mexican halloween. 368 00:15:50,734 --> 00:15:51,667 - it's this campus. 369 00:15:51,734 --> 00:15:53,333 It feeds on my coolness. 370 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:54,667 I--i got no moves anymore. 371 00:15:54,734 --> 00:15:56,101 - moves? 372 00:15:56,168 --> 00:15:58,367 Everything's a game to guys like you. 373 00:15:58,433 --> 00:16:02,034 I know one move i bet you've never tried in your life. 374 00:16:02,101 --> 00:16:03,834 - what is it? 375 00:16:12,934 --> 00:16:15,300 Please sleep with me. please. 376 00:16:15,367 --> 00:16:17,534 Pretty please. i'm so lonely. 377 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,867 I haven't slept with anyone in a very long time, 378 00:16:19,934 --> 00:16:21,134 And you are so good looking. 379 00:16:21,201 --> 00:16:23,834 Please do me the favor of having sex with me. 380 00:16:28,567 --> 00:16:30,467 - okay, stay three steps behind 381 00:16:30,534 --> 00:16:31,867 And promise you won't tell anybody. 382 00:16:31,934 --> 00:16:33,767 - i promise. 383 00:16:33,834 --> 00:16:34,934 I promise. 384 00:16:47,367 --> 00:16:50,234 - everybody, stay out of the library. 385 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,967 - pierce, it's okay. come out of there. 386 00:16:53,034 --> 00:16:54,934 - no, i'm not ready to die! 387 00:16:55,001 --> 00:16:56,867 - pierce, you're not gonna die! 388 00:16:56,934 --> 00:16:58,901 - just--just keep walking. don't make eye contact. 389 00:16:58,967 --> 00:17:01,400 - jeff. jeff! jeff. 390 00:17:01,467 --> 00:17:02,600 Pierce is freaking out. 391 00:17:02,667 --> 00:17:04,134 You're the only one that can help. 392 00:17:04,201 --> 00:17:05,300 - what makes you think that? 393 00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:06,467 - is jeff out there? 394 00:17:06,534 --> 00:17:07,700 He's the only one who can help. 395 00:17:07,767 --> 00:17:09,433 - he says he's gonna kill himself, 396 00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:10,767 But he doesn't want us to call 911, 397 00:17:10,834 --> 00:17:12,467 Because he doesn't want to get in trouble 398 00:17:12,534 --> 00:17:13,834 For taking drugs. 399 00:17:13,901 --> 00:17:16,567 - [groans] 400 00:17:16,634 --> 00:17:20,801 - i can't believe i'm doing this. 401 00:17:20,867 --> 00:17:24,067 I, uh... 402 00:17:24,134 --> 00:17:27,433 I think i have to say goodnight. 403 00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,067 - are you, like, a court-appointed guardian 404 00:17:29,134 --> 00:17:30,067 For these people? 405 00:17:30,134 --> 00:17:32,234 - uh, no. 406 00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:34,901 Um, they're my classmates. 407 00:17:34,967 --> 00:17:37,134 - goodnight, jeff. 408 00:17:42,567 --> 00:17:45,168 - loser! 409 00:17:53,134 --> 00:17:55,901 - what in the pink floyd? 410 00:17:55,967 --> 00:17:57,634 - i'm gonna crush myself to death 411 00:17:57,700 --> 00:17:59,767 With desks and tables, jeff! 412 00:17:59,834 --> 00:18:02,201 - is that a death befitting a beastmaster? 413 00:18:02,268 --> 00:18:04,067 - i never saw beastmaster. 414 00:18:04,134 --> 00:18:05,500 I just wanted to be cool. 415 00:18:05,567 --> 00:18:08,433 - i'm coming in there, pierce. 416 00:18:16,101 --> 00:18:18,500 - those floating mexican skeletons were right. 417 00:18:18,567 --> 00:18:19,767 My life is over. 418 00:18:19,834 --> 00:18:23,268 - well, when we go to floating skeletons 419 00:18:23,333 --> 00:18:24,734 With our problems, 420 00:18:24,801 --> 00:18:28,067 We get what we pay for, don't we? 421 00:18:28,168 --> 00:18:31,467 - i'm old, jeff. 422 00:18:31,534 --> 00:18:34,201 - pierce, i don't know how you spent the first 60 years, 423 00:18:34,268 --> 00:18:36,767 But i know in the last two months 424 00:18:36,834 --> 00:18:38,867 You've probably doubled the national average 425 00:18:38,934 --> 00:18:42,067 For amount of life lived per lifetime. 426 00:18:42,134 --> 00:18:45,700 - well, i do have a young, african-american friend. 427 00:18:45,767 --> 00:18:47,067 - yeah. 428 00:18:47,134 --> 00:18:48,400 And, more importantly, 429 00:18:48,467 --> 00:18:50,168 You're dressed like a gladiator 430 00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:52,600 In a desk fort that you built during a bad trip. 431 00:18:52,667 --> 00:18:55,400 If life is just a series of ridiculous attempts 432 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:56,901 To be alive, 433 00:18:56,967 --> 00:18:58,700 You're a hero 434 00:18:58,767 --> 00:19:00,634 To everything that's ever lived. 435 00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,367 - yeah? 436 00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:03,367 - yeah. 437 00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:05,634 - yeah! 438 00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:12,801 [dramatic orchestration] 439 00:19:12,867 --> 00:19:20,667 ♪ ♪ 440 00:19:24,867 --> 00:19:26,600 - batman? 441 00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:28,433 - [deep voice] yeah? 442 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:31,001 - are you staying for the party? 443 00:19:31,067 --> 00:19:32,667 - if i stay, 444 00:19:32,734 --> 00:19:36,201 There can be no party. 445 00:19:36,268 --> 00:19:39,001 I must be out there in the night, 446 00:19:39,067 --> 00:19:41,867 Staying vigilant. 447 00:19:41,934 --> 00:19:43,734 Wherever a party needs to be saved, 448 00:19:43,801 --> 00:19:45,467 I'm there. 449 00:19:45,534 --> 00:19:47,767 Wherever there are masks, 450 00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:49,867 Wherever there's tomfoolery and joy, 451 00:19:49,934 --> 00:19:53,500 I'm there. 452 00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:55,101 But sometimes i'm not, 453 00:19:55,168 --> 00:19:56,168 'cause i'm out in the night, 454 00:19:56,234 --> 00:19:58,268 Staying vigilant, watching, 455 00:19:58,333 --> 00:20:01,300 Lurking, running, jumping, 456 00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:03,967 Hurtling, sleeping... 457 00:20:04,034 --> 00:20:05,567 No, i can't sleep. 458 00:20:05,634 --> 00:20:07,400 You sleep. i'm awake. 459 00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:09,500 I don't sleep. i don't blink. 460 00:20:09,567 --> 00:20:10,667 [dramatic orchestration] 461 00:20:10,734 --> 00:20:11,567 Am i a bird? no. 462 00:20:11,634 --> 00:20:14,101 I'm a bat. 463 00:20:14,168 --> 00:20:16,700 I am batman. 464 00:20:16,767 --> 00:20:19,433 Or am i? 465 00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:23,867 Yes, i am batman. 466 00:20:23,934 --> 00:20:25,367 Happy halloween. 467 00:20:30,201 --> 00:20:31,433 - I'm Batman. - You sound like cookie monster. 468 00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:34,001 - i'm batman. - that's batman. 469 00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:36,567 - candy corn looks like tiny traffic cones. 470 00:20:36,634 --> 00:20:38,268 - yeah, it sure does. 471 00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:40,001 - at, like, a candy traffic school. 472 00:20:40,067 --> 00:20:41,367 - [imitates engine] 473 00:20:41,433 --> 00:20:43,367 - like, a little gingerbread man at the wheel, 474 00:20:43,433 --> 00:20:44,400 And he's drunk. 475 00:20:44,467 --> 00:20:45,400 - look out. 476 00:20:45,467 --> 00:20:46,700 - you'd be driving, 477 00:20:46,767 --> 00:20:48,500 But you keep wanting to eat yourself. 478 00:20:48,567 --> 00:20:49,834 - all day. 479 00:20:49,901 --> 00:20:51,168 - that's one of my biggest fears. 480 00:20:51,234 --> 00:20:52,400 - what is? 481 00:20:52,467 --> 00:20:54,234 - if i ever, like, woke up as a donut. 482 00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:55,201 - you would eat yourself? 483 00:20:55,268 --> 00:20:56,767 - i wouldn't even question it. 484 00:20:56,834 --> 00:20:57,901 - mm. that'd be tasty. 485 00:20:57,967 --> 00:21:00,433 - it's cool to know other people 486 00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:02,034 Think about this stuff too. 487 00:21:02,101 --> 00:21:03,901 - yeah. 488 00:21:03,967 --> 00:21:04,934 Yeah.