1
00:00:01,829 --> 00:00:05,663
As you know, all faculty at Greendale
are required to give extra credit

2
00:00:05,867 --> 00:00:08,563
to students who organize
academically-related events

3
00:00:08,769 --> 00:00:13,468
during what would otherwise
be known as our "free time."

4
00:00:13,908 --> 00:00:15,705
No student in any department

5
00:00:15,910 --> 00:00:19,209
has ever exercised
this option until now.

6
00:00:22,216 --> 00:00:25,879
<i>Tonight, in the library, I will be hosting
a Día de los Muertos party.</i>

7
00:00:26,087 --> 00:00:27,111
Just relax, just relax.

8
00:00:27,321 --> 00:00:30,347
<i>Día de los Muertos,
or Day of the Dead,</i>

9
00:00:30,558 --> 00:00:33,026
is sometimes referred to
as Mexican Halloween.

10
00:00:33,227 --> 00:00:34,854
Which is
actually quite offensive

11
00:00:35,062 --> 00:00:38,589
to people familiar with Mexican
Halloween as a sexual position.

12
00:00:38,799 --> 00:00:41,131
At any rate, if you show up,
you get extra credit.

13
00:00:41,669 --> 00:00:44,069
Me, I don't even get paid.

14
00:00:44,272 --> 00:00:45,500
See you tonight.

15
00:00:49,810 --> 00:00:51,004
Um, heh, heh.

16
00:00:51,412 --> 00:00:56,145
Most of you responded to my Evite,
but some of you remain evasive, so...

17
00:00:56,350 --> 00:00:58,716
Count me in.
This is my first college party.

18
00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:00,319
I got some tequila,

19
00:01:00,521 --> 00:01:03,547
<i>and I just rented Van Wilder 2:
The Rise of Taj, and look.</i>

20
00:01:03,758 --> 00:01:05,555
Shirley,
you took off your wedding ring.

21
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:07,352
My husband's been gone
for six months.

22
00:01:07,562 --> 00:01:09,860
So I think it's time for me
to embrace being single.

23
00:01:10,064 --> 00:01:11,224
Message received.

24
00:01:11,933 --> 00:01:14,026
I'm still waiting to hear
from Jeff and Pierce.

25
00:01:14,235 --> 00:01:17,500
Oh, I thought I shot you a response
from this pocket phone here.

26
00:01:17,705 --> 00:01:18,967
Access e-mail.

27
00:01:19,173 --> 00:01:21,801
You're not going to Annie's party?
Oh, I have a conflict.

28
00:01:22,009 --> 00:01:23,943
It conflicts with
the enjoyment of my life.

29
00:01:24,145 --> 00:01:26,773
I cannot figure out the voice
command part of this thing.

30
00:01:26,981 --> 00:01:28,539
It's like I'm my mother.

31
00:01:28,749 --> 00:01:31,616
<i>Calling mother.
What?</i>

32
00:01:32,019 --> 00:01:34,419
Speaking of enjoying life, I don't
wanna beat a dead horse here,

33
00:01:34,622 --> 00:01:38,558
but are you sure you don't see anything
non-platonic ever crystallizing between us?

34
00:01:39,026 --> 00:01:40,118
I'm sure.
Okay, good.

35
00:01:40,328 --> 00:01:43,195
Because one of my professors is really hot.
And I wanted to give you first right of refusal.

36
00:01:43,397 --> 00:01:44,694
<i>Hello? Pierce?</i>

37
00:01:44,899 --> 00:01:46,526
<i>Mom?
How's school going?</i>

38
00:01:46,734 --> 00:01:48,463
<i>Are you popular?</i>

39
00:01:48,669 --> 00:01:50,830
I am headed through a tunnel
right now.

40
00:01:53,641 --> 00:01:54,630
Wrong number.

41
00:01:54,842 --> 00:01:57,003
<i>Has that boy Jeff
stopped teasing you?</i>

44
00:02:31,515 --> 00:02:34,143
The Bernoulli Distribution
is the number of successes

45
00:02:34,351 --> 00:02:38,617
in a sequence of
independent yes-no experiments.

46
00:02:38,822 --> 00:02:43,156
Okay. For the quiz Monday
brush up on chapters three and four.

47
00:02:46,497 --> 00:02:47,930
Bernoulli's one of my favorites.

48
00:02:48,132 --> 00:02:50,532
Little known fact,
statistics were not his only love.

49
00:02:50,734 --> 00:02:53,464
He's famous for his French sauce
used on meat and poultry.

50
00:02:53,671 --> 00:02:54,638
That's béarnaise.

51
00:02:54,838 --> 00:02:56,533
We may need to settle this
at a restaurant.

52
00:02:56,740 --> 00:02:57,764
That's cute.

53
00:02:57,975 --> 00:03:02,344
A little aggressive. But as a busy, confident woman
of authority I'm attracted to men who take charge.

54
00:03:02,546 --> 00:03:04,207
You being sarcastic
or am I nailing it?

55
00:03:04,415 --> 00:03:06,508
You were nailing it
until you had to ask.

56
00:03:06,717 --> 00:03:08,150
Oh, damn it. Starting over.

57
00:03:08,352 --> 00:03:11,253
Hey, you in the skirt, date me.
I'd like to, Mr. Winger.

58
00:03:11,455 --> 00:03:12,615
You're tall, dress nice.

59
00:03:12,823 --> 00:03:15,383
I've graded enough of your tests to know
I'd never feel mentally inadequate.

60
00:03:15,592 --> 00:03:18,618
Thank you.
Only problem, I don't date students.

61
00:03:21,832 --> 00:03:23,060
You know, if you agree to go...

62
00:03:23,267 --> 00:03:24,962
Oh. Hey. Awkward.

63
00:03:25,169 --> 00:03:26,500
How small is this campus?

64
00:03:26,704 --> 00:03:27,830
Bastard.

65
00:03:28,038 --> 00:03:29,198
It's fine, I don't care.

66
00:03:29,406 --> 00:03:30,873
It's disgusting
the way men behave.

67
00:03:31,075 --> 00:03:34,340
You ever see that Katherine Heigl movie poster,
where Gerard Butler had that heart over his wiener?

68
00:03:34,545 --> 00:03:35,569
That resonated with me.

69
00:03:35,779 --> 00:03:38,680
Okay, fine. But just to repeat,
I don't care what Jeff does.

70
00:03:38,882 --> 00:03:40,110
Bastard.

71
00:03:40,317 --> 00:03:43,081
I'm barely a student.
I'm older than you, I drive a Lexus.

72
00:03:43,287 --> 00:03:45,915
<i>I saw Ghost Busters in the theater.
Look, my gums are receding.</i>

73
00:03:46,123 --> 00:03:48,489
It's uncanny how many of
my buttons you're finding,

74
00:03:48,692 --> 00:03:50,717
but I have a personal rule
about this and I stick to it.

75
00:03:50,928 --> 00:03:53,055
Have a cup of coffee with me,
I can change your mind.

76
00:03:53,263 --> 00:03:55,891
I know you can. That's why
you're not getting the chance.

77
00:03:56,834 --> 00:03:59,496
Ooh-hoo, ooh-hoo.

78
00:04:00,471 --> 00:04:03,963
Are you coming to my party?
I'm definitely gonna try to swing by.

79
00:04:04,174 --> 00:04:06,039
Then I can mark you down
as definitely being there

80
00:04:06,243 --> 00:04:08,074
from 7:00 sharp
until question mark?

81
00:04:08,278 --> 00:04:10,143
Here's the thing...
No, here's the thing.

82
00:04:10,347 --> 00:04:12,372
I am putting my foot down,
do you understand?

83
00:04:12,583 --> 00:04:15,643
I am being assertive,
and I am making eye contact,

84
00:04:15,853 --> 00:04:19,186
and it is achieving results.
Trying to get formidable with me?

85
00:04:19,390 --> 00:04:21,858
It worked on Pierce.
Infomercials work on Pierce.

86
00:04:22,292 --> 00:04:25,090
Jeff, you're the cool guy, okay?

87
00:04:25,295 --> 00:04:27,889
If you show up,
it will be the first party I host

88
00:04:28,098 --> 00:04:30,931
where everyone doesn't say they need
to get home in time for the news.

89
00:04:32,603 --> 00:04:33,592
This won't work.

90
00:04:34,104 --> 00:04:36,231
The last time you did this,
I saved a vial of your tears.

91
00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:37,702
And I've been slowly
building up an immunity.

92
00:04:37,908 --> 00:04:39,603
I was so unpopular in high school,

93
00:04:39,810 --> 00:04:42,540
the crossing guard
used to lure me into traffic.

94
00:04:43,313 --> 00:04:45,406
This party is a second chance

95
00:04:45,616 --> 00:04:49,712
at being hip, cool,

96
00:04:50,888 --> 00:04:52,480
laid-back.

97
00:04:53,891 --> 00:04:57,088
Look, I will come to your party.
Thank you.

98
00:04:57,294 --> 00:05:00,695
I'm putting you down for two bags
of ice and a sleeve of paper cups.

99
00:05:15,512 --> 00:05:17,173
Taking a pill?

100
00:05:18,949 --> 00:05:20,940
Yes, I am.
"Xenolovaden."

101
00:05:21,151 --> 00:05:22,345
My grandpa took that
around your age.

102
00:05:22,553 --> 00:05:24,987
Fantastic.
Helped him with his going problem.

103
00:05:25,189 --> 00:05:27,851
By the time Grandpa got up in years, his
memory wasn't great. He'd mix the wrong pills.

104
00:05:28,058 --> 00:05:30,049
You know how old people are.
Heard stories about it.

105
00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:32,785
One time he started hallucinating and
ran down the street with no pants on,

106
00:05:32,996 --> 00:05:36,329
which in the Gaza Strip is considered a real
party foul so you should probably be careful.

107
00:05:36,533 --> 00:05:39,832
Look, I really don't need your advice,
and I'm not your pantsless grandpa.

108
00:05:40,037 --> 00:05:42,870
Heh. "Pantsless grandpa."
Heh, heh.

109
00:05:48,345 --> 00:05:49,437
Scary.

110
00:05:49,646 --> 00:05:51,637
You look great.

111
00:05:51,849 --> 00:05:53,248
Hi.

112
00:05:53,450 --> 00:05:54,974
Britta,

113
00:05:55,185 --> 00:05:56,948
you look adorable.
Thank you.

114
00:05:57,154 --> 00:06:00,681
I hate when women use Halloween as an
excuse to dress up like sluts, you know?

115
00:06:00,891 --> 00:06:02,586
Yeah.

116
00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:05,655
Okay, everyone.

117
00:06:05,863 --> 00:06:07,057
I think we can begin.

118
00:06:07,498 --> 00:06:11,867
<i>I've got everyone's personalized
cookie tombstones, por tradición.</i>

119
00:06:12,369 --> 00:06:15,805
And, in a few minutes we're going
to start the Dance of the Dead,

120
00:06:16,006 --> 00:06:17,735
<i>La Danza de los Muertos.</i>

121
00:06:17,941 --> 00:06:21,069
You don't have to keep doing that.
Party on.

122
00:06:27,885 --> 00:06:30,911
Nice of you to be here, I'm sure you'd
rather be out with your hot professor.

123
00:06:31,121 --> 00:06:32,884
Well, it's funny.
I enrolled here as a selfish Ioner.

124
00:06:33,090 --> 00:06:35,388
But you and the group have given
me a crash course in friendship.

125
00:06:35,592 --> 00:06:37,423
She blew you off, huh?
She's grading papers.

126
00:06:37,628 --> 00:06:38,617
Professor Slater?

127
00:06:38,829 --> 00:06:41,889
She's not grading papers, she's at
the faculty party in the cafeteria.

128
00:06:42,099 --> 00:06:44,829
Oh, look. It's the
eavesdropping matador.

129
00:06:45,035 --> 00:06:46,935
Are you saying
my people are sneaky?

130
00:06:47,137 --> 00:06:48,365
What?

131
00:06:48,572 --> 00:06:50,506
There is a
storm building on the horizon,

132
00:06:50,707 --> 00:06:52,265
but you and I
will save the night.

133
00:06:52,476 --> 00:06:55,001
Chex mix, pretzels,
baby carrots.

134
00:06:55,212 --> 00:06:57,373
Predictable but appetizing.

135
00:06:59,249 --> 00:07:00,238
Hey.
Hey.

136
00:07:00,450 --> 00:07:03,248
Can I ask you something that I
always wanted to ask real Batman?

137
00:07:04,521 --> 00:07:07,513
Am I good-looking?
You're a very attractive young man.

138
00:07:07,724 --> 00:07:09,282
I knew it.

139
00:07:12,462 --> 00:07:14,589
Let's get this party started.

140
00:07:14,798 --> 00:07:15,924
Who are you?

141
00:07:16,133 --> 00:07:18,033
I am the Beastmaster.

142
00:07:19,503 --> 00:07:21,903
<i>From the movie, Beastmaster.</i>

143
00:07:22,806 --> 00:07:24,865
What rock
have you been living under?

144
00:07:25,075 --> 00:07:27,373
What are you going as?
A gay douche bag?

145
00:07:27,578 --> 00:07:28,909
Just kidding.
Nice one.

146
00:07:29,112 --> 00:07:30,204
I'm not much of a costume guy.

147
00:07:30,414 --> 00:07:32,507
You're not much of
a liking-ladies guy either.

148
00:07:32,716 --> 00:07:34,650
Oh. Body blow.

149
00:07:34,851 --> 00:07:36,512
Is that liquor?

150
00:07:37,621 --> 00:07:39,145
Hello.
Here's your drinks, mates.

151
00:07:39,356 --> 00:07:40,721
Oh. Thanks, Urkel.

152
00:07:40,924 --> 00:07:42,221
I'm Harry Potter.

153
00:07:42,426 --> 00:07:45,122
Really?
What up, Urkel?

154
00:07:54,438 --> 00:07:55,871
Hey.

155
00:07:56,940 --> 00:07:59,773
All right. What are you taking?

156
00:07:59,977 --> 00:08:00,966
Huh? Oh.

157
00:08:01,178 --> 00:08:02,975
You know, the usual cool stuff.

158
00:08:03,180 --> 00:08:07,241
I've got ludes, dreamers,
Johnny Boys.

159
00:08:07,451 --> 00:08:08,440
Tell you what, I'll...

160
00:08:08,652 --> 00:08:11,849
I'll trade you one of mine
for two of yours.

161
00:08:12,789 --> 00:08:14,222
I don't know, Star-Burns, I'm...

162
00:08:14,424 --> 00:08:17,154
Oh, sorry. I thought I was
dealing with the Beastmaster.

163
00:08:17,361 --> 00:08:20,990
Hey. Who said you weren't?
Heh, heh, heh.

164
00:08:21,198 --> 00:08:23,257
Saddle up, fruit pie.

165
00:08:23,467 --> 00:08:25,662
Don't mind if I do. May I?

166
00:08:26,570 --> 00:08:28,265
Here, take this.

167
00:08:28,472 --> 00:08:30,303
Give anyone that shows up
their stupid credit.

168
00:08:30,641 --> 00:08:32,609
You going to the faculty party?
Make me your plus one.

169
00:08:32,809 --> 00:08:36,711
Give it up, Winger.
Professor Slater doesn't date students.

170
00:08:36,913 --> 00:08:39,848
Or married Asians
who drive mopeds.

171
00:08:40,050 --> 00:08:41,813
I'll give you 20 bucks.

172
00:08:42,919 --> 00:08:44,784
I'll bring the hog around.

173
00:08:56,466 --> 00:08:59,663
Okay, it's time for
the Dance of the Dead.

174
00:08:59,870 --> 00:09:01,531
Everyone form a circle.

175
00:09:01,738 --> 00:09:04,172
Lights. Music.

176
00:09:04,374 --> 00:09:06,899
Is it under genre
or on a specific play list?

177
00:09:07,878 --> 00:09:10,813
Hey, man, what'd you slip me?

178
00:09:11,014 --> 00:09:13,448
I keep grinding my teeth
and I wanna kiss everybody.

179
00:09:13,650 --> 00:09:15,117
What did you slip me, man?

180
00:09:15,318 --> 00:09:18,185
My heart stopped racing
and I can't pee.

181
00:09:18,388 --> 00:09:20,219
Now, for the first dance,

182
00:09:20,424 --> 00:09:23,359
I would like to invite
a very special guest to the floor.

183
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:24,993
Jeff Winger?

184
00:09:29,766 --> 00:09:31,063
Jeff?

185
00:09:31,268 --> 00:09:32,758
Where's Jeff?

186
00:09:32,969 --> 00:09:35,096
Please slow down.

187
00:09:35,305 --> 00:09:37,068
Please.
Stop crying, Winger.

188
00:09:37,274 --> 00:09:39,105
Watch it!

189
00:09:39,643 --> 00:09:41,372
Is Jeff gone?

190
00:09:42,579 --> 00:09:45,104
You know, I'm gonna go.
I don't wanna miss the news.

191
00:09:45,315 --> 00:09:46,407
News.

192
00:09:47,784 --> 00:09:50,412
He just stepped out.
He's gonna be right back.

193
00:09:53,056 --> 00:09:55,047
He's going to
the faculty party.

194
00:09:55,258 --> 00:09:57,556
To be with Professor Short Skirt?
We hate her.

195
00:09:57,761 --> 00:09:59,752
No, it's not about her,
Shirley.

196
00:09:59,963 --> 00:10:02,022
I can't believe that
Jeff would do this to Annie.

197
00:10:02,232 --> 00:10:04,359
Yes, absolutely, it's about Annie.

198
00:10:04,568 --> 00:10:07,833
We should go find that bitch's car
and snap off her antenna.

199
00:10:09,239 --> 00:10:10,934
It's like high school all over again.

200
00:10:11,141 --> 00:10:13,200
Everyone's leaving.

201
00:10:13,410 --> 00:10:15,071
Not me.

202
00:10:15,278 --> 00:10:17,803
I can do this all night.

203
00:10:18,548 --> 00:10:20,709
I love you.

204
00:10:30,065 --> 00:10:31,327
There you go, pretty lady.

205
00:10:31,533 --> 00:10:34,195
What are you doing here?
Showing you my non-student side.

206
00:10:34,403 --> 00:10:36,564
I have to admit, this
outfit is doing it for me.

207
00:10:36,772 --> 00:10:39,502
I may or may not have been deflowered
by a junior rodeo champion.

208
00:10:39,708 --> 00:10:41,266
You remind me
of my first time too.

209
00:10:41,477 --> 00:10:43,138
You lost your virginity
to Robin Hood?

210
00:10:43,345 --> 00:10:44,937
No, with an attractive woman
at a party.

211
00:10:45,147 --> 00:10:46,774
We seem destined to repeat history.

212
00:10:46,982 --> 00:10:50,884
I told you, no students. It's unseemly.
I go out with you, you tell your friends.

213
00:10:51,086 --> 00:10:54,681
What friends? I have no friends,
I hate everyone here but you.

214
00:10:54,890 --> 00:10:56,755
Hey.
What are you doing here?

215
00:10:56,959 --> 00:11:00,486
What are you doing here?
You should be over at the library with Annie.

216
00:11:00,696 --> 00:11:04,154
Whoa. Yippee ki-yay.

217
00:11:04,366 --> 00:11:06,994
Thought you weren't a costume guy.
Had to have one to get in, squirrel.

218
00:11:07,202 --> 00:11:08,464
Oh. So where did you get it?

219
00:11:08,671 --> 00:11:11,469
I wouldn't think any costume
stores would be open this late.

220
00:11:11,674 --> 00:11:13,403
I don't know
what you're getting at.

221
00:11:13,609 --> 00:11:16,237
The words you're looking for are,
"I own a cowboy outfit."

222
00:11:16,445 --> 00:11:18,743
And it is tight too.
Did you buy it like that?

223
00:11:18,947 --> 00:11:20,847
Your toy gun to my head,
I'd say yes.

224
00:11:21,050 --> 00:11:22,847
Hi, Michelle Slater, PhD.

225
00:11:23,052 --> 00:11:25,748
Britta Perry, GED.
Oh, are you a classmate of Jeff's?

226
00:11:25,954 --> 00:11:29,082
When you say classmate, it sounds like
we take naps together and eat paste.

227
00:11:29,291 --> 00:11:31,020
What's great about
community college is

228
00:11:31,226 --> 00:11:34,195
is that a lot of the students
are as mature as the teachers.

229
00:11:34,396 --> 00:11:36,660
Jeff, you must return
to Annie's party.

230
00:11:36,865 --> 00:11:37,991
She's feeling unpopular.

231
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,600
Jeff, Pierce took something
and he is tripping balls.

232
00:11:40,803 --> 00:11:42,998
He's touching people
and dancing weird.

233
00:11:43,205 --> 00:11:45,196
<i>It's like Grumpy Old Men,
but not hilarious.</i>

234
00:11:45,407 --> 00:11:49,503
Okay. Guys, I'm at a grown-up
Halloween party, all right?

235
00:11:49,712 --> 00:11:50,906
You're all being unseemly.

236
00:11:51,113 --> 00:11:53,274
Oh, no.
How are we unseemly?

237
00:11:53,482 --> 00:11:57,578
Why is Urkel ripping the antenna
off Professor Slater's car?

238
00:11:58,854 --> 00:12:00,685
That's right, Professor Slim Calves.

239
00:12:00,889 --> 00:12:03,915
This is what you get when
you steal Jeff from a good woman.

240
00:12:07,830 --> 00:12:09,320
No, Abed.

241
00:12:18,941 --> 00:12:21,466
Is he meowing?
Yeah.

242
00:12:21,677 --> 00:12:23,804
Enough.
I want you guys out of here.

243
00:12:24,012 --> 00:12:26,503
Britta, I don't care about
your high school soap opera.

244
00:12:26,715 --> 00:12:28,205
Abed, you're not Batman.

245
00:12:29,351 --> 00:12:31,444
Pierce, Pierce, Pierce.

246
00:12:31,653 --> 00:12:33,848
Stop grinding on
the Women's Studies department.

247
00:12:34,056 --> 00:12:35,455
You are too old to be tripping.

248
00:12:36,525 --> 00:12:37,753
I'm old?

249
00:12:38,961 --> 00:12:40,019
What do you mean old?

250
00:12:43,432 --> 00:12:45,525
Who's hands are these?

251
00:12:48,504 --> 00:12:49,493
Stop me.

252
00:12:49,938 --> 00:12:51,337
Way to go.

253
00:12:51,540 --> 00:12:54,532
I know I'm not Batman.
You could try not being a jerk.

254
00:12:55,077 --> 00:12:56,977
She's pretty hot.

255
00:12:59,481 --> 00:13:01,949
Well, where were we,
little doggie?

256
00:13:02,151 --> 00:13:04,346
Unseemly.
Yeah, crap.

257
00:13:09,925 --> 00:13:11,483
Shirley?

258
00:13:16,198 --> 00:13:17,665
Shirley?

259
00:13:17,866 --> 00:13:19,527
This is
Professor Robin Hood's office.

260
00:13:19,735 --> 00:13:20,929
What are you doing?

261
00:13:21,136 --> 00:13:23,036
Putting this hose in her desk.
You turn the water on.

262
00:13:23,238 --> 00:13:24,262
Why?

263
00:13:24,473 --> 00:13:26,839
To teach that long neck,
weave-having bank teller

264
00:13:27,042 --> 00:13:29,670
she can't steal another
woman's man, that's why.

265
00:13:30,279 --> 00:13:31,576
Uh...

266
00:13:34,416 --> 00:13:35,781
I have a confession to make.

267
00:13:36,819 --> 00:13:40,152
I think some of what I just said may
have more to do with my situation.

268
00:13:40,355 --> 00:13:44,052
Yeah, the long neck, weave-having
bank teller didn't feel universal.

269
00:13:44,259 --> 00:13:49,697
My ex-husband came by this morning,
and he asked for his ring back.

270
00:13:50,232 --> 00:13:51,221
It was his mother's,

271
00:13:51,433 --> 00:13:52,991
and he wants to give it
to his new girlfriend.

272
00:13:54,503 --> 00:13:56,232
Shirley, that sucks.

273
00:13:56,438 --> 00:13:59,168
The best thing that ever
happened to me was him leaving.

274
00:13:59,374 --> 00:14:01,308
I just always thought
he'd come crawling back,

275
00:14:01,510 --> 00:14:03,705
and I'd get to tell him to go to hell.

276
00:14:05,981 --> 00:14:08,040
He couldn't even give me that.

277
00:14:09,084 --> 00:14:10,676
You know what the crazy thing is?

278
00:14:11,286 --> 00:14:12,810
Everything you've done tonight?

279
00:14:16,024 --> 00:14:18,185
It's like I was too proud
to admit I was hurt,

280
00:14:18,393 --> 00:14:20,691
so I had to pretend that you were.

281
00:14:20,896 --> 00:14:22,921
I totally get that.

282
00:14:23,131 --> 00:14:25,065
I feel better now.

283
00:14:25,868 --> 00:14:27,495
Let's go check on Annie.

284
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,565
Can you believe
I targeted this poor lady?

285
00:14:34,776 --> 00:14:37,677
Look at all these awards,
I bet she's nice.

286
00:14:38,146 --> 00:14:39,545
Yeah.

287
00:14:40,315 --> 00:14:42,749
Nice and pretentious.

288
00:14:52,594 --> 00:14:53,720
Pierce, are you okay?

289
00:14:55,464 --> 00:14:57,432
Hey, man, what's going on?

290
00:14:57,633 --> 00:14:59,965
You have a full-on erection.

291
00:15:00,168 --> 00:15:01,692
Just relax. Relax, man.

292
00:15:01,904 --> 00:15:04,372
Just relax. Just relax, okay?

293
00:15:07,409 --> 00:15:09,104
<i>You are too old to be tripping.</i>

294
00:15:11,914 --> 00:15:13,381
You're going to die.

295
00:15:14,516 --> 00:15:15,949
<i>You are too old to be tripping.</i>

296
00:15:16,685 --> 00:15:18,710
Tell me about The Beatles, Pierce.

297
00:15:19,121 --> 00:15:22,989
Tell me about Woodstock
and sputnik, Pierce.

298
00:15:36,972 --> 00:15:38,371
Do I feel a breeze here?

299
00:15:38,573 --> 00:15:40,507
Because someone
just struck out.

300
00:15:40,709 --> 00:15:41,835
She blew you off too, Chang.

301
00:15:42,044 --> 00:15:44,808
Heh, heh, heh.
Is that what you have to fall back on?

302
00:15:45,013 --> 00:15:46,571
Look at me, bro. Look at me.

303
00:15:46,782 --> 00:15:49,046
I've got the body of
a fifth grader, okay?

304
00:15:49,251 --> 00:15:50,843
If I was working
with what you've got,

305
00:15:51,053 --> 00:15:54,284
she'd be at the Comfort Inn right
now giving me a Mexican Halloween.

306
00:15:54,489 --> 00:15:56,582
It's this campus.
It feeds on my coolness.

307
00:15:56,792 --> 00:15:58,089
I got no moves anymore.

308
00:15:58,293 --> 00:16:01,956
Moves? Everything's
a game to guys like you.

309
00:16:02,164 --> 00:16:05,622
I know one move I bet you've
never tried in your life.

310
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,392
What is it?

311
00:16:16,712 --> 00:16:18,703
Please sleep with me. Please.

312
00:16:18,914 --> 00:16:21,041
Pretty please. I'm so lonely.

313
00:16:21,249 --> 00:16:24,707
I haven't slept with anyone in a very
long time, and you're so good-looking.

314
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,616
Please do me the favor
of having sex with me.

315
00:16:32,728 --> 00:16:35,492
Okay. Stay three steps behind
and promise you won't tell anybody.

316
00:16:35,697 --> 00:16:38,666
I promise. I promise.

317
00:16:51,213 --> 00:16:53,738
Everybody stay out of the library.

318
00:16:53,949 --> 00:16:56,577
Pierce, it's okay.
Come out of there.

319
00:16:56,785 --> 00:16:58,343
No, I'm not ready to die.

320
00:16:58,553 --> 00:17:00,043
You're not gonna die. Look at me.

321
00:17:00,255 --> 00:17:02,519
Just keep walking.
Don't make eye contact.

322
00:17:02,724 --> 00:17:05,056
Jeff, Jeff, Jeff.

323
00:17:05,260 --> 00:17:07,251
Pierce is freaking out.
You're the only one that can help.

324
00:17:07,763 --> 00:17:08,923
What makes you think that?

325
00:17:09,131 --> 00:17:11,224
Is Jeff there?
He's the only one who can help.

326
00:17:11,433 --> 00:17:14,596
He says he's gonna kill himself
but he doesn't want us to call 911

327
00:17:14,803 --> 00:17:18,170
because he doesn't wanna
get in trouble for taking drugs.

328
00:17:21,043 --> 00:17:23,102
I can't believe I'm doing this.

329
00:17:24,813 --> 00:17:26,542
I, uh...

330
00:17:27,783 --> 00:17:30,946
I think I have to say good night.

331
00:17:31,153 --> 00:17:34,281
Are you, like, a court appointed
guardian for these people?

332
00:17:34,489 --> 00:17:36,923
No. Heh. Um...

333
00:17:37,125 --> 00:17:38,524
They're my classmates.

334
00:17:39,027 --> 00:17:40,892
Good night, Jeff.

335
00:17:46,368 --> 00:17:48,700
Loser.

336
00:17:56,812 --> 00:17:59,406
What in the Pink Floyd?

337
00:17:59,614 --> 00:18:03,243
I'm gonna crush myself to
death with desks and tables, Jeff.

338
00:18:03,452 --> 00:18:05,511
Is that a death
befitting a beastmaster?

339
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:09,156
<i>I never saw Beastmaster
, I just wanted to be cool.</i>

340
00:18:09,825 --> 00:18:11,986
I'm coming in there, Pierce.

341
00:18:19,634 --> 00:18:23,229
Those floating Mexican skeletons were right.
My life is over.

342
00:18:23,438 --> 00:18:27,898
Well, when we go to floating
skeletons with our problems,

343
00:18:28,110 --> 00:18:31,443
we get what we pay for,
don't we?

344
00:18:33,048 --> 00:18:34,174
I'm old, Jeff.

345
00:18:35,050 --> 00:18:37,746
Pierce, I don't know how
you spent the first 60 years,

346
00:18:37,953 --> 00:18:39,750
but I know
in the last two months,

347
00:18:39,955 --> 00:18:42,185
you've probably doubled
the national average

348
00:18:42,390 --> 00:18:44,756
for amount of life lived
per lifetime.

349
00:18:46,228 --> 00:18:49,356
Well, I do have
a young African American friend.

350
00:18:49,564 --> 00:18:53,398
Yeah, and more importantly,
you're dressed like a gladiator

351
00:18:53,602 --> 00:18:56,127
in a desk fort
that you built during a bad trip.

352
00:18:56,538 --> 00:18:59,871
If life is just a series of
ridiculous attempts to be alive,

353
00:19:01,109 --> 00:19:03,441
you're a hero to everything
that's ever lived.

354
00:19:04,679 --> 00:19:07,011
Yeah?
Yeah.

355
00:19:07,215 --> 00:19:08,978
Yeah.

356
00:19:28,737 --> 00:19:29,795
Batman?

357
00:19:30,005 --> 00:19:30,994
Yeah.

358
00:19:32,174 --> 00:19:34,472
Are you staying for the party?

359
00:19:34,943 --> 00:19:38,504
If I stay there can be no party.

360
00:19:40,815 --> 00:19:44,376
I must be out there in the night,
staying vigilant.

361
00:19:45,153 --> 00:19:49,522
<i>Wherever a party needs
to be saved, I'm there.</i>

362
00:19:49,958 --> 00:19:53,359
<i>Wherever there are masks,
wherever there's tomfoolery and joy,</i>

363
00:19:53,562 --> 00:19:55,257
<i>I'm there.</i>

364
00:19:57,732 --> 00:19:58,790
<i>But sometimes I'm not</i>

365
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,333
<i>because I'm out in the night,
staying vigilant, watching.</i>

366
00:20:02,537 --> 00:20:07,600
<i>Lurking, running, jumping,
hurdling, sleeping.</i>

367
00:20:07,809 --> 00:20:08,969
<i>No, I can't sleep.</i>

368
00:20:09,177 --> 00:20:11,077
<i>You sleep. I'm awake.</i>

369
00:20:11,279 --> 00:20:13,747
<i>I don't sleep, I don't blink.</i>

370
00:20:14,115 --> 00:20:15,912
<i>Am I a bird? No.</i>

371
00:20:16,117 --> 00:20:17,812
<i>I'm a bat.</i>

372
00:20:18,653 --> 00:20:20,621
<i>I am Batman.</i>

373
00:20:20,822 --> 00:20:21,948
<i>Or am I?</i>

374
00:20:23,558 --> 00:20:25,651
<i>Yes, I am Batman.</i>

375
00:20:27,929 --> 00:20:29,419
<i>Happy Halloween.</i>

376
00:20:32,667 --> 00:20:33,725
I'm Batman.

377
00:20:33,935 --> 00:20:34,867
You sound like Cookie Monster.

378
00:20:35,070 --> 00:20:36,059
I'm Batman.

379
00:20:36,271 --> 00:20:37,465
That's Batman.

380
00:20:38,073 --> 00:20:40,098
Candy corn
looks like tiny traffic cones.

381
00:20:40,308 --> 00:20:41,741
Yeah, it sure does.

382
00:20:41,943 --> 00:20:43,535
At, like, a candy traffic school.

383
00:20:44,679 --> 00:20:47,944
Like a little gingerbread man
at the wheel, and he's drunk.

384
00:20:48,149 --> 00:20:49,616
Look out.
We driving.

385
00:20:49,818 --> 00:20:52,048
Yeah, but you keep wanting
to eat yourself.

386
00:20:52,287 --> 00:20:53,276
All day.

387
00:20:53,488 --> 00:20:54,887
That's one of my biggest fears.

388
00:20:55,090 --> 00:20:57,786
What is?
If I ever, like, woke up as a doughnut.

389
00:20:57,993 --> 00:21:00,223
You would eat yourself.
I wouldn't even question it.

390
00:21:00,428 --> 00:21:02,259
Mm. That would be tasty.

391
00:21:02,464 --> 00:21:05,592
It's cool to know other people
think about this stuff too.

392
00:21:06,034 --> 00:21:07,228
Yeah.

393
00:21:07,869 --> 00:21:08,858
Yeah.

