1 00:00:01,214 --> 00:00:02,161 As you know, 2 00:00:02,286 --> 00:00:05,097 all faculty at Greendale are required to give extra credit 3 00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:08,133 to students who organize academically-related events 4 00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:12,016 during what would otherwise be known as our "free time". 5 00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:16,566 No student in any department has ever exercised this option. 6 00:00:17,595 --> 00:00:18,484 Until now. 7 00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:22,982 Tonight in the library, 8 00:00:23,107 --> 00:00:25,753 I will be hosting a día de los muertos party. 9 00:00:25,878 --> 00:00:28,119 - Relax. - Día de los muertos, 10 00:00:28,424 --> 00:00:29,955 or day of the dead, 11 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:32,624 is sometimes referred to as Mexican Halloween. 12 00:00:32,749 --> 00:00:34,890 Which is quite offensive to people familiar 13 00:00:35,015 --> 00:00:37,170 with "Mexican Halloween" as a sexual position. 14 00:00:38,225 --> 00:00:40,999 At any rate, if you show up, you get extra credit. 15 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:43,157 Me, I don't even get paid. 16 00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:45,040 See you tonight. 17 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:54,870 Most of you responded to my e-vite, but some of you remain "e-vasive", 18 00:00:55,105 --> 00:00:56,682 - so... - Count me in. 19 00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:59,025 This is my first college party. I got some tequila, 20 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:01,742 and I just rented Van Wilder 2: The Rise Of Taj, 21 00:01:01,867 --> 00:01:02,862 and look. 22 00:01:03,252 --> 00:01:06,767 - You took off your wedding ring. - My husband's been gone for 6 months, 23 00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:09,160 so I think it's time for me to embrace being single. 24 00:01:09,478 --> 00:01:10,536 Message received. 25 00:01:11,303 --> 00:01:13,331 Still waiting to hear from Jeff and Pierce. 26 00:01:13,558 --> 00:01:17,048 I thought I'd shout you a response from this pocket phone here. 27 00:01:17,173 --> 00:01:19,670 - Access email. - You're not going to Annie's party? 28 00:01:20,098 --> 00:01:23,256 I have a conflict. With the enjoyment of my life. 29 00:01:23,533 --> 00:01:25,677 I cannot figure out the voice command part 30 00:01:25,802 --> 00:01:28,146 of this thing. It's like I'm my mother. 31 00:01:28,271 --> 00:01:29,651 Calling mother. 32 00:01:30,764 --> 00:01:32,718 - What? - Speaking of enjoying life, 33 00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,496 I don't wannabe at a dead horse here, 34 00:01:34,621 --> 00:01:37,089 but are you sure you don't see anything non-platonic 35 00:01:37,214 --> 00:01:38,981 - ever crystallizing between us? - Yep. 36 00:01:39,379 --> 00:01:41,410 Good, cause one of my professors is really hot, 37 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:43,986 - I wanted to give you right of refusal. - Hello, Pierce? 38 00:01:44,154 --> 00:01:47,268 - Mom? - How's school going? Are you popular? 39 00:01:48,086 --> 00:01:50,536 I'm headed through a tunnel right now. 40 00:01:53,198 --> 00:01:56,565 - Wrong number. - Has that Jeff stopped teasing you? 41 00:01:56,690 --> 00:01:58,742 How's your Canadian girlfriend? 42 00:02:00,713 --> 00:02:03,589 I saw your father's ghost again. He's still angry. 43 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:10,000 Sync by honeybunny Corrected by RIP1964 www.addic7ed.com 44 00:02:30,084 --> 00:02:31,651 The Bernoulli distribution 45 00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:33,050 is the number of successes 46 00:02:33,117 --> 00:02:34,617 in a sequence of independent 47 00:02:34,684 --> 00:02:36,850 yes-no experiments. 48 00:02:36,917 --> 00:02:38,217 Okay. 49 00:02:38,284 --> 00:02:39,351 Uh, for the Quiz Monday, 50 00:02:39,417 --> 00:02:45,117 brush up on chapters three and four. 51 00:02:45,184 --> 00:02:46,784 Bernoulli's one of my favorites. 52 00:02:46,850 --> 00:02:49,584 Little-known fact, statistics were not his only love. 53 00:02:49,651 --> 00:02:51,084 He's also famous for his French sauce 54 00:02:51,150 --> 00:02:52,117 used on meat and poultry. 55 00:02:52,184 --> 00:02:53,484 That's Bearnaise. 56 00:02:53,551 --> 00:02:55,250 Oh, we may need to settle this at a restaurant. 57 00:02:55,317 --> 00:02:56,850 It's cute. 58 00:02:56,917 --> 00:02:58,284 A little aggressive, 59 00:02:58,351 --> 00:03:00,150 but as a busy, confident woman of authority, 60 00:03:00,217 --> 00:03:01,617 I'm attracted to men who take charge. 61 00:03:01,684 --> 00:03:03,351 Are you being sarcastic, or am I nailing it? 62 00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,250 You were nailing it, until you had to ask. 63 00:03:05,317 --> 00:03:07,384 Oh, damn it. Starting over. 64 00:03:07,451 --> 00:03:08,850 Hey, you in the skirt, date me. 65 00:03:08,917 --> 00:03:09,917 I'd like to, Mr. Winger. 66 00:03:09,983 --> 00:03:11,050 You're tall, you dress nice, 67 00:03:11,117 --> 00:03:12,384 and I've graded enough of your tests 68 00:03:12,451 --> 00:03:14,084 to know I'd never feel mentally inadequate. 69 00:03:14,150 --> 00:03:15,217 Thank you. 70 00:03:15,284 --> 00:03:17,150 Only problem, I don't date students. 71 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,017 You know if you agree to go out with me... 72 00:03:22,084 --> 00:03:23,017 Oh, hey. 73 00:03:23,084 --> 00:03:24,017 Awkward. 74 00:03:24,084 --> 00:03:25,217 How small is this campus? 75 00:03:25,284 --> 00:03:26,751 Bastard. 76 00:03:26,818 --> 00:03:28,451 It's fine. I don't care. 77 00:03:28,517 --> 00:03:29,883 It's disgusting the way men behave. 78 00:03:29,950 --> 00:03:31,651 Did you ever see that Katherine Heigl movie poster 79 00:03:31,718 --> 00:03:33,584 where Gerard Butler had that heart over his weiner? 80 00:03:33,651 --> 00:03:34,617 That resonated with me. 81 00:03:34,684 --> 00:03:35,617 Okay, fine. 82 00:03:35,684 --> 00:03:36,617 But just to repeat, 83 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:37,651 I don't care what Jeff does. 84 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:38,617 Bastard. 85 00:03:38,684 --> 00:03:39,651 I'm barely a student. 86 00:03:39,718 --> 00:03:40,651 I'm older than you. 87 00:03:40,718 --> 00:03:41,950 I drive a Lexus. 88 00:03:42,017 --> 00:03:43,184 I saw "Ghost Busters" in the theater. 89 00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:44,684 Look, my gums are receding. 90 00:03:44,751 --> 00:03:47,451 It's uncanny how many of my buttons you're finding, 91 00:03:47,517 --> 00:03:49,651 but I have a personal rule about this, and I stick to it. 92 00:03:49,718 --> 00:03:51,784 Have a cup of coffee with me. I bet I can change your mind. 93 00:03:51,850 --> 00:03:53,184 Oh, I know you can. 94 00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:55,184 That's why you're not getting the chance. 95 00:03:55,250 --> 00:03:59,117 Ooh, whoo. 96 00:03:59,184 --> 00:04:01,584 Are you coming to my Dias de los Muertos party? 97 00:04:01,651 --> 00:04:03,150 I'm definitely gonna try to swing by. 98 00:04:03,217 --> 00:04:05,117 Then I can mark you down as definitely being there 99 00:04:05,184 --> 00:04:07,351 from 7:00 sharp till upside-down Spanish question mark? 100 00:04:07,417 --> 00:04:09,050 - Here's the thing... - No, here's the thing. 101 00:04:09,117 --> 00:04:10,651 I am putting my foot down. You understand? 102 00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,617 I am being assertive, 103 00:04:12,684 --> 00:04:14,584 and I am making eye contact, 104 00:04:14,651 --> 00:04:16,484 and it is achieving results. 105 00:04:16,551 --> 00:04:17,850 Are you trying to get formidable with me? 106 00:04:17,917 --> 00:04:18,917 It worked on Pierce. 107 00:04:18,983 --> 00:04:20,617 Infomercials work on Pierce. 108 00:04:20,684 --> 00:04:23,751 Jeff, you're the cool guy, okay? 109 00:04:23,818 --> 00:04:26,617 If you show up, it'll be the first party I host 110 00:04:26,684 --> 00:04:27,950 where everyone doesn't say 111 00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:31,684 they need to get home in time for the news. 112 00:04:31,751 --> 00:04:32,684 This won't work. 113 00:04:32,751 --> 00:04:33,850 The last time you did this, 114 00:04:33,917 --> 00:04:35,217 I saved a vial of your tears 115 00:04:35,284 --> 00:04:36,983 and have been slowly building up an immunity. 116 00:04:37,050 --> 00:04:38,684 I was so unpopular in high school, 117 00:04:38,751 --> 00:04:41,250 the crossing guard used to lure me into traffic. 118 00:04:41,317 --> 00:04:44,117 This party is a second chance 119 00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,551 to be... 120 00:04:45,617 --> 00:04:47,150 Hip. 121 00:04:47,217 --> 00:04:49,584 Cool! 122 00:04:49,651 --> 00:04:52,417 Laidback! 123 00:04:52,484 --> 00:04:53,983 Look, I will come to your party. 124 00:04:54,050 --> 00:04:55,584 Thank you. 125 00:04:55,651 --> 00:04:57,451 I'm putting you down for two bags of ice 126 00:04:57,517 --> 00:04:59,983 and a sleeve of paper cups. 127 00:05:14,084 --> 00:05:16,983 Taking a pill? 128 00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:19,184 - Yes, I am. - Xenolovaden. 129 00:05:19,250 --> 00:05:20,850 My grandpa took that when he was around your age. 130 00:05:20,917 --> 00:05:23,751 Fantastic. 131 00:05:23,818 --> 00:05:24,983 But by the time grandpa got up in years, 132 00:05:25,050 --> 00:05:26,517 his memory wasn't great. 133 00:05:26,584 --> 00:05:27,751 He'd mix the wrong pills. You know how old people are? 134 00:05:27,818 --> 00:05:29,050 Heard stories about it, yeah. 135 00:05:29,117 --> 00:05:30,284 One time he started hallucinating 136 00:05:30,351 --> 00:05:31,718 and ran down the street with no pants on. 137 00:05:31,784 --> 00:05:33,551 Which in the Gaza Strip is considered a real party foul, 138 00:05:33,617 --> 00:05:35,117 so you should probably be careful... 139 00:05:35,184 --> 00:05:37,317 Look, I really don't need your advice, 140 00:05:37,384 --> 00:05:39,484 and I'm not your pantsless grandpa. 141 00:05:39,551 --> 00:05:42,917 Pantsless grandpa. 142 00:05:45,184 --> 00:05:46,351 Hola! 143 00:05:47,384 --> 00:05:48,718 Scary. 144 00:05:48,818 --> 00:05:51,317 Oh, cute! Cute. 145 00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:53,684 Oh, Britta. 146 00:05:53,751 --> 00:05:55,050 You look adorable. 147 00:05:55,117 --> 00:05:56,184 Thank you. 148 00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:57,850 I hate when women use Halloween 149 00:05:57,917 --> 00:05:59,484 as an excuse to dress up like sluts, you know? 150 00:05:59,551 --> 00:06:02,250 Yeah. 151 00:06:02,317 --> 00:06:04,351 Okay, everyone. 152 00:06:04,417 --> 00:06:06,417 I think we can begin. 153 00:06:06,484 --> 00:06:09,417 I've got everyone's personalized cookie tombstones, 154 00:06:09,484 --> 00:06:11,250 por tradicion, 155 00:06:11,317 --> 00:06:12,551 and in a few minutes, 156 00:06:12,617 --> 00:06:14,617 we're going to start the dance of the dead... 157 00:06:14,684 --> 00:06:16,551 La danza de los muertos. 158 00:06:16,617 --> 00:06:18,084 You don't have to keep doing that! 159 00:06:18,150 --> 00:06:19,651 Party on. 160 00:06:26,551 --> 00:06:27,883 It's nice of you to be here. 161 00:06:27,950 --> 00:06:29,617 Sure you'd rather be out with your hot professor. 162 00:06:29,684 --> 00:06:30,718 Well, it's funny, 163 00:06:30,784 --> 00:06:32,050 I enrolled here as selfish loner, 164 00:06:32,117 --> 00:06:33,317 but you and the group have given me 165 00:06:33,384 --> 00:06:34,651 a crash course in friendship. 166 00:06:34,718 --> 00:06:36,317 - She blew you off, huh? - She's grading papers. 167 00:06:36,384 --> 00:06:37,684 Professor Slater? 168 00:06:37,751 --> 00:06:39,084 She's not grading papers. 169 00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:40,718 She's at the faculty party in the cafeteria. 170 00:06:40,784 --> 00:06:42,718 Oh, look, it's the eavesdropping matador. 171 00:06:42,784 --> 00:06:45,617 Are you saying my people are sneaky? 172 00:06:45,684 --> 00:06:47,017 What? 173 00:06:47,084 --> 00:06:48,184 There's a storm 174 00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:49,351 building on the horizon, 175 00:06:49,417 --> 00:06:51,050 but you and I will save the night. 176 00:06:51,117 --> 00:06:53,617 Chex mix, pretzels, baby carrots, 177 00:06:53,684 --> 00:06:57,784 predictable but appetizing. 178 00:06:57,850 --> 00:06:59,117 - Hey. - Hey. 179 00:06:59,184 --> 00:07:01,050 Can I ask you something I always wanted to ask 180 00:07:01,117 --> 00:07:03,217 - the real Batman? - Yeah. 181 00:07:03,284 --> 00:07:04,484 Am I good looking? 182 00:07:04,551 --> 00:07:06,217 You're a very attractive young man. 183 00:07:06,284 --> 00:07:11,050 I knew it. 184 00:07:11,117 --> 00:07:13,284 Let's get this party started! 185 00:07:13,351 --> 00:07:14,684 Who are you? 186 00:07:14,751 --> 00:07:18,050 I am the Beastmaster. 187 00:07:18,117 --> 00:07:21,417 From the movie Beastmaster. 188 00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:23,417 What rock have you been living under? 189 00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:24,917 What are you going as? 190 00:07:24,983 --> 00:07:26,917 A gay douchebag? Just kidding. 191 00:07:26,983 --> 00:07:28,818 Nice one. I'm not much of a costume guy. 192 00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:30,050 I know, you're not much 193 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,584 of a liking the ladies guy either, huh? 194 00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:36,217 Oop. Body blow. Is that liquor? 195 00:07:36,284 --> 00:07:37,217 Hello. 196 00:07:37,284 --> 00:07:38,284 Here's your drinks, mates. 197 00:07:38,351 --> 00:07:39,284 Oh, thanks, Urkel. 198 00:07:39,351 --> 00:07:40,451 I'm Harry Potter. 199 00:07:40,517 --> 00:07:41,617 Really? 200 00:07:41,684 --> 00:07:44,217 What up, Urkel? 201 00:07:52,751 --> 00:07:54,150 Hey. 202 00:07:54,217 --> 00:07:56,284 Oh... 203 00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:58,484 All right. What are you taking? 204 00:07:59,983 --> 00:08:02,084 You know, the usual cool stuff. 205 00:08:02,150 --> 00:08:04,917 I've got 'ludes, uh, dreamers... 206 00:08:04,983 --> 00:08:05,950 Johnny boys. 207 00:08:06,017 --> 00:08:06,950 Tell you what. 208 00:08:07,017 --> 00:08:08,684 I'll trade you one of mine 209 00:08:08,751 --> 00:08:10,651 for two of yours. Hmm? 210 00:08:10,718 --> 00:08:12,950 I don't know, Star-Burns. I'm... 211 00:08:13,017 --> 00:08:14,250 Oh, sorry. 212 00:08:14,317 --> 00:08:15,950 I thought I was dealing with the Beastmaster. 213 00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:19,718 Hey, hey, who said you weren't? 214 00:08:19,784 --> 00:08:22,017 Saddle up, fruit pie. 215 00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,384 I don't mind if I do, may I? 216 00:08:24,451 --> 00:08:27,217 Here. take this. 217 00:08:27,284 --> 00:08:29,484 Give anyone that shows up their stupid credit. 218 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:30,651 You going to the faculty party? 219 00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:31,684 Make me your plus one. 220 00:08:31,751 --> 00:08:32,850 Ah, give it up, Winger. 221 00:08:32,917 --> 00:08:35,551 Professor Slater doesn't date students. 222 00:08:35,617 --> 00:08:38,551 Or married Asians who drive Mopeds. 223 00:08:38,617 --> 00:08:41,317 Give you 20 bucks. 224 00:08:41,384 --> 00:08:43,484 I'll bring the hog around. 225 00:08:55,150 --> 00:08:57,217 Okay, it's time for the "dance of the dead". 226 00:08:58,284 --> 00:09:00,217 Everyone form a circle. 227 00:09:00,284 --> 00:09:03,150 Lights. Music. 228 00:09:03,217 --> 00:09:06,718 Is it under genre or on a specific playlist? 229 00:09:06,784 --> 00:09:08,818 Hey, uh, man? What'd you slip me? 230 00:09:08,883 --> 00:09:12,150 I keep grinding my teeth, and I want to kiss everybody. 231 00:09:12,217 --> 00:09:14,117 What'd you slip me, man? 232 00:09:14,184 --> 00:09:16,883 My heart stopped racing, and I can't pee. 233 00:09:16,950 --> 00:09:19,050 Now for the first dance, 234 00:09:19,117 --> 00:09:22,217 I'd like to invite a very special guest to the floor. 235 00:09:22,284 --> 00:09:24,517 Jeff Winger? 236 00:09:28,384 --> 00:09:29,950 Jeff? 237 00:09:30,017 --> 00:09:31,351 Where's Jeff? 238 00:09:38,451 --> 00:09:40,451 Is Jeff gone? 239 00:09:41,484 --> 00:09:43,284 You know, I'm gonna go. 240 00:09:43,351 --> 00:09:44,384 I don't want to miss the news. 241 00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:45,683 News! 242 00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:48,151 He just stepped out. 243 00:09:48,217 --> 00:09:51,884 He's gonna be right back. 244 00:09:51,950 --> 00:09:54,584 He's going to the faculty party. 245 00:09:54,650 --> 00:09:56,050 To be with professor "short skirt"? 246 00:09:56,117 --> 00:09:57,284 We hate her. 247 00:09:57,351 --> 00:09:59,451 No, it's not about her, Shirley. 248 00:09:59,518 --> 00:10:01,417 I can't believe that Jeff would do this to Annie. 249 00:10:01,484 --> 00:10:03,484 Yes, absolutely. It's about Annie. 250 00:10:03,551 --> 00:10:05,151 We should go find that bitch's car 251 00:10:05,217 --> 00:10:08,351 and snap off her antenna. 252 00:10:08,417 --> 00:10:10,251 It's like high school all over again. 253 00:10:10,317 --> 00:10:12,783 Everyone's leaving. 254 00:10:12,850 --> 00:10:14,518 Not me. 255 00:10:14,584 --> 00:10:17,618 I could do this all night. 256 00:10:27,900 --> 00:10:28,434 There you go, pretty lady. 257 00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:30,267 What are you doing here? 258 00:10:30,334 --> 00:10:32,000 Showing you my non-student side. 259 00:10:32,067 --> 00:10:33,867 I have to admit, this outfit's doing it for me. 260 00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,467 I may or may not have been deflowered 261 00:10:35,534 --> 00:10:36,900 by a junior rodeo champion. 262 00:10:36,967 --> 00:10:38,634 You're reminding me of my first time too. 263 00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:40,534 You lost your virginity to Robin Hood? 264 00:10:40,601 --> 00:10:42,334 No, with an attractive woman at a party. 265 00:10:42,401 --> 00:10:44,134 We seem destined to repeat history. 266 00:10:44,201 --> 00:10:46,000 I told you no students. It's unseemly. 267 00:10:46,067 --> 00:10:47,601 I go out with you, you tell your friends, 268 00:10:47,668 --> 00:10:49,234 - it gets around the school... - What friends? 269 00:10:49,301 --> 00:10:50,334 I have no friends. 270 00:10:50,401 --> 00:10:51,934 I hate everyone here but you. 271 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,234 Hey. 272 00:10:53,301 --> 00:10:54,401 What are you doing here? 273 00:10:54,467 --> 00:10:55,767 What are you doing here? 274 00:10:55,867 --> 00:10:57,401 You should be over at the library with Annie... 275 00:10:57,467 --> 00:10:58,934 Whoa. 276 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,534 Yippy ki yay. 277 00:11:01,601 --> 00:11:02,934 Thought you weren't a costume guy. 278 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,267 You had to have one to get in here, Squirrel. 279 00:11:04,334 --> 00:11:05,800 Oh, so where did you get it? 280 00:11:05,867 --> 00:11:07,534 'Cause I wouldn't think that any costume stores 281 00:11:07,601 --> 00:11:08,800 would be open this late. 282 00:11:08,867 --> 00:11:10,767 I don't know what you're getting at. 283 00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:12,167 I think the words that you're looking for 284 00:11:12,234 --> 00:11:13,601 are "I own a cowboy outfit." 285 00:11:13,668 --> 00:11:16,134 And it is tight too. Did you buy it like that? 286 00:11:16,201 --> 00:11:18,201 Your toy gun to my head, I'd say yes. 287 00:11:18,267 --> 00:11:20,100 Hi. Michelle Slater, PHD. 288 00:11:20,167 --> 00:11:21,534 Britta Perry, GED. 289 00:11:21,601 --> 00:11:23,134 Oh, are you a classmate of Jeff's? 290 00:11:23,201 --> 00:11:24,568 Oh, well, when you say "classmate", 291 00:11:24,634 --> 00:11:26,467 It sounds like we take naps together and eat paste, 292 00:11:26,534 --> 00:11:28,301 but what's great about community colleges 293 00:11:28,367 --> 00:11:29,900 is that a lot of the students 294 00:11:29,967 --> 00:11:31,568 are just as mature as the teachers. 295 00:11:31,634 --> 00:11:33,934 Jeff, you must return to Annie's party. 296 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,434 She's feeling unpopular. 297 00:11:35,501 --> 00:11:38,367 Jeff, Pierce took something, and he is tripping balls. 298 00:11:38,434 --> 00:11:40,534 He is touching people and dancing weird. 299 00:11:40,601 --> 00:11:42,568 it's like grumpy old men but not hilarious. 300 00:11:42,634 --> 00:11:44,367 Okay, uh, guys? 301 00:11:44,434 --> 00:11:46,867 I'm at a grownup Halloween party, all right? 302 00:11:46,934 --> 00:11:48,334 You're all being unseemly. 303 00:11:48,401 --> 00:11:50,700 - Oh, no. - How are we unseemly? 304 00:11:50,767 --> 00:11:53,267 Why is Urkel ripping the antenna 305 00:11:53,334 --> 00:11:54,934 off professor Slater's car? 306 00:11:56,201 --> 00:11:58,067 That's right, professor Slim Calves. 307 00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:02,134 This is what you get when you steal Jeff from a good woman! 308 00:12:05,034 --> 00:12:06,767 No, Abed! 309 00:12:16,034 --> 00:12:18,934 - Is he meowing? - Yeah. 310 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,301 Enough. I want you guys out of here. 311 00:12:21,367 --> 00:12:23,501 Britta, I don't care about your high school soap opera. 312 00:12:23,568 --> 00:12:27,067 Abed, you're not Batman. 313 00:12:27,134 --> 00:12:28,867 Pierce. Pierce. Pierce. 314 00:12:28,934 --> 00:12:31,401 Stop grinding on the women's studies department. 315 00:12:31,467 --> 00:12:33,800 You are too old to be tripping. 316 00:12:33,867 --> 00:12:36,067 I'm old? 317 00:12:36,134 --> 00:12:39,833 What do you mean old? 318 00:12:39,900 --> 00:12:43,301 Whose hands are these? 319 00:12:45,867 --> 00:12:46,833 Help me! 320 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:48,167 Way to go. 321 00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:49,767 I know I'm not Batman. 322 00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:51,967 You could try not being a jerk. 323 00:12:52,034 --> 00:12:56,034 She's pretty hot. 324 00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:59,568 Well, where were we, little doggie? 325 00:12:59,634 --> 00:13:02,833 - Unseemly. - Yeah. Crap. 326 00:13:06,900 --> 00:13:09,434 Shirley? 327 00:13:13,067 --> 00:13:14,833 Shirley! 328 00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:16,367 This is professor Robin Hood's office. 329 00:13:16,434 --> 00:13:17,800 So what are you doing? 330 00:13:17,867 --> 00:13:19,134 I'm putting this hose in her desk, 331 00:13:19,201 --> 00:13:20,334 and you going outside to turn the water on. 332 00:13:20,401 --> 00:13:21,767 Why? 333 00:13:21,833 --> 00:13:24,267 To teach that long-neck weave-having bank teller 334 00:13:24,334 --> 00:13:25,367 she can't steal another woman's man! 335 00:13:25,434 --> 00:13:27,267 That's why. 336 00:13:31,467 --> 00:13:34,134 I have a confession to make. 337 00:13:34,201 --> 00:13:35,534 I think some of what I just said 338 00:13:35,601 --> 00:13:37,534 may have more to do with my situation. 339 00:13:37,601 --> 00:13:39,367 Yeah, the long-neck, weave-having bank teller 340 00:13:39,434 --> 00:13:41,434 didn't feel universal. 341 00:13:41,501 --> 00:13:43,900 My ex-husband came by this morning, 342 00:13:43,967 --> 00:13:47,201 and he, uh, he asked for his ring back. 343 00:13:47,267 --> 00:13:48,467 It was his mother's, 344 00:13:48,534 --> 00:13:51,167 and he wants to give it to his new girlfriend. 345 00:13:51,234 --> 00:13:53,134 Shirley, that sucks. 346 00:13:53,201 --> 00:13:54,434 Don't get me wrong. 347 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,234 Best thing ever happened to me was him leaving. 348 00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:59,100 I just... I always thought he'd come crawling back, 349 00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:03,267 and I'd get to tell him, "go to hell." 350 00:14:03,334 --> 00:14:04,733 He couldn't even give me that. 351 00:14:06,601 --> 00:14:08,833 You know what the crazy thing is, Britta? 352 00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:12,467 Everything you've done tonight? 353 00:14:12,534 --> 00:14:15,434 It's like I was too proud to admit I was hurt, 354 00:14:15,501 --> 00:14:17,668 so I had to pretend that you were. 355 00:14:17,733 --> 00:14:20,234 I totally get that. 356 00:14:20,301 --> 00:14:23,100 I feel better now. 357 00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:24,934 Let's go check on Annie. 358 00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:31,867 Can you believe I targeted this poor lady? 359 00:14:31,934 --> 00:14:33,900 Look at all these awards. 360 00:14:33,967 --> 00:14:35,568 I bet she's nice. 361 00:14:35,634 --> 00:14:37,733 Yeah. 362 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,367 Nice and pretentious. 363 00:14:48,134 --> 00:14:49,067 Pierce? 364 00:14:49,134 --> 00:14:52,668 Pierce, are you okay? 365 00:14:52,733 --> 00:14:54,934 Hey, man, what's going on? 366 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,401 You have a full-on erection. 367 00:14:57,467 --> 00:14:59,134 Just rela... Just relax. 368 00:14:59,201 --> 00:15:02,934 Pierce, relax. Just relax, okay? 369 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,501 Pierce! 370 00:15:04,568 --> 00:15:09,134 You are too old to be tripping! 371 00:15:09,201 --> 00:15:11,700 Pierce... 372 00:15:11,767 --> 00:15:14,334 You are too old to be tripping. 373 00:15:14,401 --> 00:15:17,000 Tell me about the Beatles, Pierce. 374 00:15:17,067 --> 00:15:21,967 Tell me about Woodstock and Sputnik, Pierce. 375 00:15:33,434 --> 00:15:35,267 Gee, do I feel a breeze here? 376 00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:37,268 Because someone just struck out. 377 00:15:37,333 --> 00:15:39,500 She blew you off too, Chang. 378 00:15:39,567 --> 00:15:40,934 Is that what you had to fall back on? 379 00:15:41,001 --> 00:15:43,300 Look at me, bro. Look at me. 380 00:15:43,367 --> 00:15:45,901 I've got the body of a fifth grader, okay? 381 00:15:45,967 --> 00:15:47,534 If I was working with what you've got, 382 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,433 she'd be at the comfort inn right now 383 00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:50,667 giving me a Mexican Halloween. 384 00:15:50,734 --> 00:15:51,667 It's this campus. 385 00:15:51,734 --> 00:15:53,333 It feeds on my coolness. 386 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:54,667 I... I got no moves anymore. 387 00:15:54,734 --> 00:15:56,101 Moves? 388 00:15:56,168 --> 00:15:58,367 Everything's a game to guys like you. 389 00:15:58,433 --> 00:16:02,034 I know one move I bet you've never tried in your life. 390 00:16:02,101 --> 00:16:03,834 What is it? 391 00:16:12,934 --> 00:16:15,300 Please sleep with me. Please. 392 00:16:15,367 --> 00:16:17,534 Pretty please. I'm so lonely. 393 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,867 I haven't slept with anyone in a very long time, 394 00:16:19,934 --> 00:16:21,134 and you are so good looking. 395 00:16:21,201 --> 00:16:23,834 Please do me the favor of having sex with me. 396 00:16:28,567 --> 00:16:30,467 Okay, stay three steps behind 397 00:16:30,534 --> 00:16:31,867 and promise you won't tell anybody. 398 00:16:31,934 --> 00:16:33,767 I promise. 399 00:16:33,834 --> 00:16:34,934 I promise. 400 00:16:47,367 --> 00:16:50,234 Everybody, stay out of the library. 401 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,967 Pierce, it's okay. Come out of there. 402 00:16:53,034 --> 00:16:54,934 No, I'm not ready to die! 403 00:16:55,001 --> 00:16:56,867 Pierce, you're not gonna die! 404 00:16:56,934 --> 00:16:58,901 Just... Just keep walking. Don't make eye contact. 405 00:16:58,967 --> 00:17:01,400 Jeff. Jeff! Jeff. 406 00:17:01,467 --> 00:17:02,600 Pierce is freaking out. 407 00:17:02,667 --> 00:17:04,134 You're the only one that can help. 408 00:17:04,201 --> 00:17:05,300 What makes you think that? 409 00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:06,467 Is Jeff out there? 410 00:17:06,534 --> 00:17:07,700 He's the only one who can help. 411 00:17:07,767 --> 00:17:09,433 He says he's gonna kill himself, 412 00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:10,767 but he doesn't want us to call 911, 413 00:17:10,834 --> 00:17:12,467 because he doesn't want to get in trouble 414 00:17:12,534 --> 00:17:13,834 for taking drugs. 415 00:17:16,634 --> 00:17:20,801 I can't believe I'm doing this. 416 00:17:20,867 --> 00:17:24,067 I, uh... 417 00:17:24,134 --> 00:17:27,433 I think I have to say goodnight. 418 00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,067 Are you, like, a court-appointed guardian 419 00:17:29,134 --> 00:17:30,067 for these people? 420 00:17:30,134 --> 00:17:32,234 Uh, no. 421 00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:34,901 Um, they're my classmates. 422 00:17:34,967 --> 00:17:37,134 Goodnight, Jeff. 423 00:17:42,567 --> 00:17:45,168 Loser! 424 00:17:53,134 --> 00:17:55,901 What in the Pink Floyd? 425 00:17:55,967 --> 00:17:57,634 I'm gonna crush myself to death 426 00:17:57,700 --> 00:17:59,767 with desks and tables, Jeff! 427 00:17:59,834 --> 00:18:02,201 Is that a death befitting a Beastmaster? 428 00:18:02,268 --> 00:18:04,067 I never saw Beastmaster. 429 00:18:04,134 --> 00:18:05,500 I just wanted to be cool. 430 00:18:05,567 --> 00:18:08,433 I'm coming in there, Pierce. 431 00:18:16,101 --> 00:18:18,500 Those floating Mexican skeletons were right. 432 00:18:18,567 --> 00:18:19,767 My life is over. 433 00:18:19,834 --> 00:18:23,268 Well, when we go to floating skeletons 434 00:18:23,333 --> 00:18:24,734 with our problems, 435 00:18:24,801 --> 00:18:28,067 we get what we pay for, don't we? 436 00:18:28,168 --> 00:18:31,467 I'm old, Jeff. 437 00:18:31,534 --> 00:18:34,201 Pierce, I don't know how you spent the first 60 years, 438 00:18:34,268 --> 00:18:36,767 but I know in the last two months 439 00:18:36,834 --> 00:18:38,867 you've probably doubled the national average 440 00:18:38,934 --> 00:18:42,067 for amount of life lived per lifetime. 441 00:18:42,134 --> 00:18:45,700 well, I do have a young, African-American friend. 442 00:18:45,767 --> 00:18:47,067 Yeah. 443 00:18:47,134 --> 00:18:48,400 And, more importantly, 444 00:18:48,467 --> 00:18:50,168 you're dressed like a gladiator 445 00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:52,600 in a desk fort that you built during a bad trip. 446 00:18:52,667 --> 00:18:55,400 If life is just a series of ridiculous attempts 447 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:56,901 to be alive, 448 00:18:56,967 --> 00:18:58,700 you're a hero 449 00:18:58,767 --> 00:19:00,634 to everything that's ever lived. 450 00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,367 Yeah? 451 00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:03,367 Yeah. 452 00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:05,634 Yeah! 453 00:19:24,867 --> 00:19:28,400 - Batman? - Yeah? 454 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:31,001 Are you staying for the party? 455 00:19:31,067 --> 00:19:32,667 If I stay, 456 00:19:32,734 --> 00:19:36,201 there can be no party. 457 00:19:36,268 --> 00:19:39,001 I must be out there in the night, 458 00:19:39,067 --> 00:19:41,867 staying vigilant. 459 00:19:41,934 --> 00:19:43,734 Wherever a party needs to be saved, 460 00:19:43,801 --> 00:19:45,467 I'm there. 461 00:19:45,534 --> 00:19:47,767 Wherever there are masks, 462 00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:49,867 wherever there's tomfoolery and joy, 463 00:19:49,934 --> 00:19:53,500 I'm there. 464 00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:55,101 But sometimes I'm not, 465 00:19:55,168 --> 00:19:56,168 'cause I'm out in the night, 466 00:19:56,234 --> 00:19:58,268 staying vigilant, watching, 467 00:19:58,333 --> 00:20:01,300 lurking, running, jumping, 468 00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:03,967 hurtling, sleeping... 469 00:20:04,034 --> 00:20:05,567 No, I can't sleep. 470 00:20:05,634 --> 00:20:07,400 You sleep. I'm awake. 471 00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:09,500 I don't sleep. I don't blink. 472 00:20:10,734 --> 00:20:11,567 Am I a bird? No. 473 00:20:11,634 --> 00:20:14,101 I'm a bat. 474 00:20:14,168 --> 00:20:16,700 I am Batman. 475 00:20:16,767 --> 00:20:19,433 Or am I? 476 00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:23,867 Yes, I am Batman. 477 00:20:23,934 --> 00:20:25,367 Happy Halloween. 478 00:20:30,201 --> 00:20:31,433 - I'm Batman. - You sound like cookie monster. 479 00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:34,001 - I'm Batman. - That's Batman. 480 00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:36,567 Candy corn looks like tiny traffic cones. 481 00:20:36,634 --> 00:20:38,268 Yeah, it sure does. 482 00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:40,001 At, like, a candy traffic school. 483 00:20:41,433 --> 00:20:43,367 Like, a little gingerbread man at the wheel, 484 00:20:43,433 --> 00:20:44,400 and he's drunk. 485 00:20:44,467 --> 00:20:45,400 Look out. 486 00:20:45,467 --> 00:20:46,700 You'd be driving, 487 00:20:46,767 --> 00:20:48,500 But you keep wanting to eat yourself. 488 00:20:48,567 --> 00:20:49,834 All day. 489 00:20:49,901 --> 00:20:51,168 That's one of my biggest fears. 490 00:20:51,234 --> 00:20:52,400 What is? 491 00:20:52,467 --> 00:20:54,234 If I ever, like, woke up as a donut. 492 00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:55,201 You would eat yourself? 493 00:20:55,268 --> 00:20:56,767 I wouldn't even question it. 494 00:20:56,834 --> 00:20:57,901 That'd be tasty. 495 00:20:57,967 --> 00:21:00,433 It's cool to know other people 496 00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:02,034 think about this stuff too. 497 00:21:02,101 --> 00:21:04,901 Yeah.