1
00:00:10,276 --> 00:00:11,903
Could you not pick your feet?
2
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:13,913
Honey, they're right next to my head.
3
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:14,971
What?
4
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:18,473
This is not the grossest thing that's
happening at this beach right now.
5
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,918
I mean, those two
are obviously having sex.
6
00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:23,548
- Ah!
- And that boy's parents don't think
7
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:26,423
he needs to wear a bathing suit,
even though he seems to be about 14.
8
00:00:26,459 --> 00:00:27,721
I hate Europeans.
9
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:30,787
I can't believe I'm gonna be 41
on Saturday.
10
00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:32,855
I mean, that's in your forties.
11
00:00:32,899 --> 00:00:35,265
Hey, let's play a game.
I'm gonna say a number
12
00:00:35,301 --> 00:00:38,168
and you stop me when you think
it's an age that I can pass for.
13
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,501
- Ready?
- Yeah.
14
00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:43,566
Thirty-four. Thirty-five. Thirty-six.
15
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:46,374
Thirty-six! Thirty-six?
16
00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:49,473
All right, stupid game.
I don't wanna play.
17
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:52,781
Cheer up. For your birthday I'm taking
you to that new French restaurant.
18
00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:54,787
And then after you put
OI' Big Hat to bed,
19
00:00:54,821 --> 00:00:56,618
you and I are going dancing at Oasis.
20
00:00:56,656 --> 00:00:59,557
Just don't wear any red.
They have a tiny gang violence problem.
21
00:00:59,592 --> 00:01:02,823
I can't believe you're forcing me
to make separate plans with each of you.
22
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,554
Going swimming.
23
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:16,068
Frank, Shanna, hi!
Long time, no see.
24
00:01:16,109 --> 00:01:17,770
Yeah.
25
00:01:19,479 --> 00:01:20,912
Such a long time.
26
00:01:21,481 --> 00:01:23,915
Anyway, see you around.
27
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:31,320
When Bobby and I were married, we
were kind of friends with the Millers.
28
00:01:31,357 --> 00:01:34,815
They were so weird. Do you think
it was because of the divorce?
29
00:01:34,861 --> 00:01:36,089
It could be.
30
00:01:36,129 --> 00:01:38,996
Or it could be that when your swimsuit
is wet, it's so see-through
31
00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:41,626
I can count the individual
goose bumps on your nerps.
32
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:45,570
[Gasps] Why do they even sell
white bathing suits?
33
00:01:46,005 --> 00:01:47,438
Are you sure they noticed?
34
00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:50,734
[Indistinct chattering]
35
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,039
Pretty sure.
36
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,280
Good luck on your test.
37
00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:01,581
I wouldn't wait for her test results
to come in. I'd get on antibiotics now.
38
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:04,556
I will have you know
that Summer is a student.
39
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:07,116
Today is her third day
of massage school.
40
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,824
- I wish I could take that back.
- But you can't.
41
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:14,356
Mommy, if that lady slept over
at Mr. Ellis' house,
44
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:28,547
Oh, good. Shanna, hi.
45
00:02:28,581 --> 00:02:30,276
I'm so sorry about yesterday.
46
00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:33,683
- I had a little headlight incident.
- They know.
47
00:02:34,921 --> 00:02:37,685
What did you think would happen
with a white swimsuit?
48
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:40,784
In the catalog, the model was coming out
of the water and it looked fine.
49
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:44,490
Well, she was also wearing high heels
and was on a motorcycle.
50
00:02:44,531 --> 00:02:45,691
It's OK, Jules.
51
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:49,033
- Besides, it's typical.
- Typical?
52
00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:52,560
Ever since you got divorced,
we've noticed the short skirts,
53
00:02:52,605 --> 00:02:55,301
- the 28-year-old boyfriend.
- Twenty-eight-and-a-half.
54
00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:56,399
And we broke up.
55
00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:58,569
His mom told me.
She's in my church group.
56
00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:02,313
- Let's go, girls.
- "Let's go, girls?"
57
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:04,543
What is this, some weird mom gang?
58
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:10,148
When did Shanna get to be so mean?
59
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,817
That catty witch is just jealous
60
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:15,021
'cause you're a 41 -year-old hottie
who can pass for 38.
61
00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:17,859
- I believe we agreed on 36.
- [Both] Oh.
62
00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:20,764
I just don't want to be
in this stupid town for my birthday.
63
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,098
Everybody talks about everything.
64
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:25,627
I just wanna go somewhere
where no one knows who I am
65
00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:27,936
and I could just let loose
and not be judged.
66
00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:30,704
How about that new beach resort
on Siesta Key?
67
00:03:30,743 --> 00:03:32,108
- Yes!
- No.
68
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,443
Come on! We can all share a suite,
69
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:36,573
and then we can make plans
to rent bikes
70
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:39,517
and kayaks and paddleboards,
and then never do any of it!
71
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,180
I wouldn't share a suite
with Trampolina here
72
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:45,020
if they gave away free lipo
with the continental breakfast.
73
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,958
Ditto. I'd rather go bald.
74
00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:49,427
It's my birthday, so suck it up.
75
00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:52,387
Come on,
how fun would a road trip be?
76
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:54,229
- Fun.
- So much fun.
77
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:55,757
Oh, please try harder.
78
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,099
- Fun!
- So much fun!
79
00:03:57,136 --> 00:03:58,364
Thank you!
80
00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:00,531
[Up-tempo music plays]
81
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:04,236
OK, your dad convinced some tourist
that he's a hunting guide,
82
00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:06,245
so not only can he not watch you
this weekend,
83
00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:08,804
but there's a good chance
he's gonna end up dead in the woods.
84
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:11,476
Well, I am 18.
Don't need a babysitter.
85
00:04:11,517 --> 00:04:15,248
Look, I was your age. I know the kind of
stuff I did when my parents went away.
86
00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:16,778
I know where this is going, OK?
87
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:19,951
Your cautionary tales always end up
with you giving birth to me.
88
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:22,757
- It was the happiest day of my life.
- Damn straight.
89
00:04:24,163 --> 00:04:26,188
I can check in on the kid
if you promise
90
00:04:26,232 --> 00:04:28,723
to stop hassling me
about the girls I bring home.
91
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:30,759
- Yeah, I can't do it.
- Hmm.
92
00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:33,567
Well, I guess I could probably stop
for, like, three days.
93
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:34,971
Deal!
94
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:38,375
I wonder how many I can cycle
through the abode in three days.
95
00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:41,073
I'm guessing, like, seven.
96
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,809
Lucky, lucky girls.
97
00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:45,881
Psst!
98
00:04:46,486 --> 00:04:48,317
OK, so here's the plan:
99
00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:50,515
Do not come over to my house.
100
00:04:50,556 --> 00:04:52,524
If the house is on fire,
you may knock once.
101
00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:55,721
If I don't answer, assume I set the fire
and I wanna burn to death.
102
00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:57,320
You're a neat kid.
103
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:01,323
You know, when Bobby and I
went camping for one week,
104
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:03,995
all we brought was bug spray,
matches and a coffee cake.
105
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,471
You guys are going away
for one night, right?
106
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:08,406
What's your point, V-neck?
107
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:12,278
- I took all our pillows.
- Great.
108
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,007
- All right, ready, ladies?
- Yep.
109
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:16,140
- Road trip!
- Whoo!
110
00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:21,113
Enjoy your stay at Playa del Roca.
111
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,714
Thank you, Trent from Tallahassee.
112
00:05:23,756 --> 00:05:26,486
You know, we're here
celebrating my 34th birthday.
113
00:05:26,526 --> 00:05:28,687
Do you find that to be
a believable statement?
114
00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:31,323
Could've been a twenty, Trent.
115
00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:34,731
Someone's going to believe
I'm 34 if it kills me.
116
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:36,394
I thought we agreed on 36.
117
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:40,668
At home I'd be happy with a 36,
maybe even a solid 38.
118
00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:45,007
But that's Regular Jules.
Here, I'm Resort Jules.
119
00:05:45,044 --> 00:05:47,069
And Resort Jules is fun
and she's crazy,
120
00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:50,708
and she refers to herself in the third
person like a professional athlete.
121
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,582
- Resort Jules is hungry.
- Yeah.
122
00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:56,486
Ooh! I call the bed by the window!
123
00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,717
- How are you already naked?
- [Laurie] What?
124
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:01,249
I was changing and I got
sidetracked by bed choice.
125
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:04,957
Of course it's your bed, now that
you have your tramp stink all over it.
126
00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:08,057
Jules, did you hear her?
Bitch, I am a lady.
127
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:11,593
You know what I want for my birthday?
For us all to get along.
128
00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:14,936
This weekend we're gonna be
like Thelma & Louise and Louise.
129
00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:16,999
You know they die
at the end of that movie.
130
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:19,671
You watch,
you're gonna end up being friends.
131
00:06:20,246 --> 00:06:22,578
Playa del Roca is a magical place.
132
00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:25,675
There's a dead lizard in the toilet!
133
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,876
Bye, Ellie.
134
00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:30,019
I named him.
135
00:06:31,357 --> 00:06:32,824
I hate her.
136
00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:38,191
Oh, man, isn't this fun?
137
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,131
I'm eating bacon in a bikini.
138
00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:42,293
Take a picture of me
eating bacon in a bikini.
139
00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:45,201
Arch your back and stick out your chest.
140
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,229
And say, "Classy."
141
00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:50,106
Regular Jules would never do this.
But Resort Jules says,
142
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:53,840
"Say hello to Tanya
and her slightly smaller twin, Tina."
143
00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:04,586
Did you just give him
the "hit that" nod?
144
00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:07,559
- I did.
- Jules said no girls in the house.
145
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,959
- She won't find out.
- Jules always finds out.
146
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:13,090
You know, I babysat Travis once
when he was 12
147
00:07:13,132 --> 00:07:16,898
and I may or may not have let him
watch 91/2 Weeks.
148
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:19,268
Somehow Jules found out.
149
00:07:19,305 --> 00:07:23,139
And then all of a sudden, her brownies
started having pecans in them.
150
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:27,772
Which is kinda weird 'cause I'm allergic
to pecans, and Jules knows that.
151
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:31,606
It was like, I don't know,
she was trying to kill me.
152
00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:34,848
But that's just silly, right?
I'm... I'm paranoid, whoo.
153
00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:36,616
Weirdo, right? That's just silly.
154
00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:39,157
This is why we don't hang out more.
155
00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:40,753
OK, tough guy.
156
00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:43,625
Magazine sex quiz.
157
00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:47,759
"Is it OK to have sex in a limo
before your prom?"
158
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,031
That's a big no.
I get nauseous riding sideways.
159
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:54,870
Ooh! You guys, check out the hotties.
160
00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:57,366
- Should we invite them over?
- No!
161
00:07:57,410 --> 00:08:01,608
That's the reason I got a cabana,
to avoid men with barbed wire tattoos.
162
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:03,012
Those are my people.
163
00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:05,376
Of course they are.
164
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:08,687
She doesn't realize
this is the real fun.
165
00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:12,179
You know,
sitting here all by ourselves...
166
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:13,951
...doing nothing.
167
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:16,291
You wanna invite them over,
don't you?
168
00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:17,891
No.
169
00:08:18,631 --> 00:08:21,395
But Resort Jules does.
She has bad judgment.
170
00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:22,927
Fine!
171
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,370
[Laughter]
172
00:08:26,405 --> 00:08:28,066
Isn't this fun?
173
00:08:33,546 --> 00:08:35,207
No fire here. See ya.
174
00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:39,512
Your mom said no girls.
I'm sorry, young lady, you've gotta go.
175
00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:42,282
It's OK. I'll just get my stuff.
176
00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:45,486
[Travis] Do you know what her stuff is?
177
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:48,358
It's flavored lip gloss and
an oversized T-shirt for when she gets,
178
00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:50,919
and I quote, "Tired and snuggly."
179
00:08:50,963 --> 00:08:52,863
What are you doing to me, dude?
180
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:58,166
Resort Jules brought all the things
that she's afraid to wear at home.
181
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,502
So, farmer's daughter or...
182
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,407
Where is it? Whitesnake video?
183
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,575
I get to pick what we do next.
184
00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:07,579
Trust me, it's not gonna matter
what you wear.
185
00:09:07,613 --> 00:09:10,275
- Why?
- Oh, no.
186
00:09:11,517 --> 00:09:12,984
Mmm!
187
00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:16,921
There is nothing better than drinking
champagne topless in a hot tub.
188
00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:19,254
- Am I right?
- Too soon to tell.
189
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,692
Come on, Jules, have a drink.
You'll loosen up.
190
00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:23,592
Ellie, pour some champagne
into my mouth.
191
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:25,330
There you go, sweetie.
192
00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:29,760
Come on, Grandma, lose the top.
You're making Jules self-conscious.
193
00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:33,067
- Yeah, lose the top.
- Pipe down, man-boobs.
194
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:36,904
Laurie, honey, it's not Ellie
that's making me feel self-conscious.
195
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:38,808
You see the nice gentleman
over here...
196
00:09:38,844 --> 00:09:39,970
Jim.
197
00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:43,379
Well, Jim hasn't had his hands
above the water since he got in.
198
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:46,317
And now someone's toes
are interlocking with my toes.
199
00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:50,084
I think I'm gonna head back to my room.
200
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:55,224
Whoopty-whoo. Your boobs are out.
Big deal.
201
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,286
Why do you have to ruin everything?
202
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:59,662
If you had gone along with it,
it could've been fun. You know that!
203
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:03,499
Not all fun things revolve
around being topless.
204
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,595
And if we're keeping score,
205
00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:09,404
you ruined the cabana
by filling it with Phi Beta herpes.
206
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:10,739
Right, Moobs?
207
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:13,003
I hate being around you.
208
00:10:13,045 --> 00:10:16,446
[Gasps] How could you say that? Good!
209
00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:19,315
- Snob. Bitch!
- Skank. Whore!
210
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:20,819
Kiss!
211
00:10:23,889 --> 00:10:25,686
- Bye, Travis.
- Bye, Kylie.
212
00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:30,188
Tonight was going to be the night.
213
00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:34,256
Look, sex is supposed to be an emotional
connection between two people...
214
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:37,394
Are you really giving me
the "sex should be special" speech?
215
00:10:37,436 --> 00:10:41,270
Tell me, how was it special with
the girl who puked in your mailbox?
216
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:45,535
Or the girl who said she doesn't wear
shoes because they feel "too shoes-y"?
217
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,705
"Shoes-y" is a word.
218
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,275
Look, I'm sorry to D-block you, man,
219
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,841
but what's done is... is done.
220
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:55,345
It's not a big deal.
221
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,351
I wasn't gonna get anywhere
with Kylie anyway.
222
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:03,388
Sure you were, man. She...
She seemed pretty into you.
223
00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:05,795
No, it's not that. It's just that...
224
00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:11,164
I don't think I like girls.
225
00:11:11,203 --> 00:11:12,966
Oh. You...
226
00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:14,564
All girls?
227
00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:17,134
[Cell phone beeps]
228
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:19,508
- Andy?
- Hey, Jules, happy birthday.
229
00:11:19,545 --> 00:11:21,604
- Thanks.
- Just wanted to let you know
230
00:11:21,647 --> 00:11:24,912
that Travis is pretending to come out
to Grayson to mess with his head.
231
00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:27,885
I remember Halloween when I was 11.
232
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,979
My friend Eric
wore this Superman costume
233
00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:32,582
and when I saw those red tights,
I was...
234
00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:36,060
I felt this feeling, like...
like butterflies,
235
00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:38,655
but... hot butterflies, you know?
236
00:11:42,568 --> 00:11:45,002
[Chuckles] I love when Travis does that.
237
00:11:45,337 --> 00:11:47,100
Oh, my God! I gotta call you back.
238
00:11:47,606 --> 00:11:50,200
Where is that mouthy waitress
with our change?
239
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:51,675
[Scoffs]
240
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:55,340
Well, she probably thought
that extra 40 cents was a tip.
241
00:11:56,916 --> 00:12:00,352
- Frank!
- Jules. Why are you here?
242
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:02,115
Are you trying to ruin my marriage?
243
00:12:02,154 --> 00:12:04,714
It is my birthday.
What are you doing here?
244
00:12:05,124 --> 00:12:08,389
Well, I had to take Shanna
someplace nice because of yesterday.
245
00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:10,525
[Whispers] You are a touchy subject!
246
00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:14,891
OK, look, a couple of years ago,
it was weird.
247
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:16,799
Shanna got all sweet. OK?
248
00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:20,772
She gets sweet and then she says
to me, "Frank, if I was to die,
249
00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:23,639
which one of my friends
would you, you know..."
250
00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:25,468
You know.
251
00:12:26,278 --> 00:12:28,405
- And you picked me?
- [Whispers] Yes.
252
00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:31,143
- What were you thinking?
- That's my mojito.
253
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:36,313
Now, every time you have sex,
Shanna thinks you're seeing my face.
254
00:12:36,355 --> 00:12:37,947
No! I always see her face.
255
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:40,750
I sometimes see your legs.
256
00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:43,091
Well, you didn't tell her that,
did you?
257
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:46,655
Oh, Frank, you're killing me!
258
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:52,300
- Shanna's here.
- What? No way!
259
00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:55,739
Yes way! It is like
I'm some sort of bitch-magnet.
260
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:58,243
- No offense.
- None taken. You OK?
261
00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,835
Well, I started to fall apart,
262
00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:02,814
but then Resort Jules
borrowed a stranger's inhaler
263
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:06,340
and picked herself back up! And
I still get to have a kick-ass birthday
264
00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:08,717
because Frank and Shanna
aren't gonna be around.
265
00:13:08,754 --> 00:13:10,483
Frank's gonna take her
into town for dinner
266
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,491
and back to their room
and watch a porno.
267
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,755
- [Both gag]
- If I had to hear it, so do you.
268
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,024
So, who's in?
Dinner and dancing. Let's hit it!
269
00:13:17,062 --> 00:13:19,428
Actually, you're just having dinner
with me.
270
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,025
Yeah, and then after you put
Queen Buzzkill to bed,
271
00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:24,035
you and I are going out
for some real fun.
272
00:13:24,069 --> 00:13:25,229
Are you serious?
273
00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:28,968
You know what? Screw you both.
274
00:13:29,008 --> 00:13:32,171
- Jules, we just thought that maybe...
- No! I don't wanna hear it.
275
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,977
I'm gonna go out on my own,
I'll have a great time.
276
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:41,686
You know, it's my birthday. I'm 34.
277
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:42,880
Really?
278
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:46,384
- I'm 34.
- Great.
279
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:48,517
Bitch.
280
00:13:50,095 --> 00:13:52,120
- [Chattering]
- [Lounge music plays]
281
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:56,498
Hey, everyone, it's my birthday!
282
00:13:57,169 --> 00:14:01,037
And even though my friends are jerks,
the next round's on me!
283
00:14:01,073 --> 00:14:04,941
- I'll take some potato skins.
- There's no potato skins.
284
00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:06,741
You can buy me a drink.
285
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:10,471
Oh! Trent from Tallahassee.
286
00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:13,383
Wow, you're even cuter
out of your uniform.
287
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:15,580
- I'm gay.
- Just go with it, Trent.
288
00:14:16,722 --> 00:14:19,350
Come on, I'm trying to scrape
together a fantasy here.
289
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:22,625
If I can be Resort Jules,
then you can be Straight Trent.
290
00:14:22,661 --> 00:14:26,995
- I was Straight Trent for 16 years.
- Great. What's another hour?
291
00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,294
Hmm?
292
00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:33,530
Oh, my gosh.
I ruined Jules's birthday.
293
00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:36,507
- No. I did.
- Yeah, you're probably right.
294
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:40,034
- I don't even know why she likes me.
- You're her biggest cheerleader.
295
00:14:40,079 --> 00:14:43,515
You're always pushing her to do
new stuff. I just hold her back.
296
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,983
Please. You two
have all the shared history.
297
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:48,714
You gained and lost 10 pounds
with her during her divorce.
298
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:50,745
I would never do that.
299
00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:53,053
I get stretch marks
from snoring too hard.
300
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:55,322
You make it too easy to judge you!
301
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:59,092
- I'm sorry.
- It's OK.
302
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:01,429
Hey, while we wait
for Jules to come back,
303
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,799
do you think it'd be OK
if we drank some champagne?
304
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:05,565
Jules would want that.
305
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:07,939
Do you think she's having any fun?
306
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:15,906
- You look fab, by the way.
- [Chuckles]
307
00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:19,577
Straight guys don't say "fab," Trent.
Get it together, dude.
308
00:15:21,453 --> 00:15:24,354
You know, I feel weird
that we're the only ones dancing,
309
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:26,415
and that we're wearing
the same perfume.
310
00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:30,295
- I think I'm gonna call it a night.
- All right, that's it. Hold on.
311
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:50,177
Wow. I know you're just pretending,
but maybe later we could...
312
00:15:50,215 --> 00:15:51,842
- Still gay.
- OK.
313
00:15:52,318 --> 00:15:54,718
All right. You're cute, though.
314
00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:03,959
I am sorry to throw all this on you.
315
00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:07,693
Oh, it's OK. I'm glad you
chose me to come out to,
316
00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:09,860
even though we barely
know each other.
317
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,132
I mean, it's just so scary.
318
00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:14,867
Neil Patrick Harris has paved
some new ground, but...
319
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:20,036
- I don't know.
- Travis, it's gonna be all right.
320
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:23,139
Has anybody ever told you
how soothing your voice is?
321
00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:25,546
Not today, no.
322
00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:27,074
[Stutters]
323
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:29,881
[Sighs]
324
00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:33,988
- Frank!
- Jules.
325
00:16:34,026 --> 00:16:36,494
You're supposed to be
in your room watching porn!
326
00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:39,827
- We already did.
- That makes this even more gross.
327
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:43,129
- Are you naked?
- A little.
328
00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:44,499
[Jules] Shanna!
329
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,832
The craziest story...
330
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:52,367
I bet, I bet.
Do you have any self-respect?
331
00:16:53,379 --> 00:16:54,744
Are you talking to him or me?
332
00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:56,407
I'm gonna go.
333
00:16:56,448 --> 00:16:58,712
- Good night, Frank.
- [Shanna] Yeah, don't talk to him.
334
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,116
You're pathetic.
335
00:17:00,152 --> 00:17:03,918
Wow. I don't know what you're
getting so angry about, Shanna.
336
00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:07,123
Maybe you're feeling
a little trapped in your own life.
337
00:17:07,159 --> 00:17:09,855
Maybe it's Frank's weird
new mustache, I don't know.
338
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:14,359
But you gotta stop picking on me, OK?
You're being too mean.
339
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,164
So, you don't think
you've done anything wrong?
340
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:18,726
Nope.
341
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:21,501
I wonder if everyone back home
will agree.
342
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:25,738
- Nobody likes gossip, Shanna.
- Yeah, they do.
343
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:28,576
You're right. They really do.
344
00:17:29,348 --> 00:17:30,975
- I have to pee.
- Hold it.
345
00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:37,520
There's our birthday girl!
346
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,924
You're wet, sit on her bed!
347
00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:46,030
- What's wrong now?
- Shanna was so mean to me.
348
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,431
- Mean?
- To you?
349
00:17:50,269 --> 00:17:52,567
- Shauna...
- It's Shanna.
350
00:17:52,604 --> 00:17:54,902
Nobody cares.
351
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:58,808
You're messing with our friend
and we feel like we need to respond.
352
00:17:59,311 --> 00:18:00,642
Here's the deal:
353
00:18:00,679 --> 00:18:04,376
If you ever say anything about Jules
to anyone ever again,
354
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:07,112
Mongo here is gonna beat
the living crap out of ya.
355
00:18:07,152 --> 00:18:09,586
Seriously, I fight all the time.
356
00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:12,385
She will hold your arms
and I will beat you
357
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:16,224
until your Spanx are the only thing
holding your torso together.
358
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:18,161
- Have the best evening.
- Really enjoy it.
359
00:18:18,197 --> 00:18:19,960
Good times with you, Shauna.
360
00:18:19,998 --> 00:18:22,398
[Up-tempo music plays]
361
00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:24,527
[Exhales]
362
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:26,470
- What?
- Your mustache is stupid.
363
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,340
- I want a divorce.
- No.
364
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:34,669
I mean, the thing is, sometimes
when Kylie wears her jazz dance outfit,
365
00:18:34,713 --> 00:18:37,341
she looks really pretty to me,
but then it's...
366
00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:40,317
Oh, God. I don't know, what the hell,
am I some kind of freak?
367
00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:44,618
No. Look, you're not a freak.
OK, sexuality is confusing.
368
00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:45,680
[Scoffs]
369
00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:48,617
If it makes you feel better...
370
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:51,652
One time, at my cousin Ben's
lake house,
371
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:53,756
we were talking about kissing girls.
372
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:57,462
We were, I don't know, eight,
maybe 12.
373
00:18:57,503 --> 00:18:59,801
Anyway, he had long hair,
kind of like a girl.
374
00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:03,797
We practiced kissing...
on each other.
375
00:19:03,842 --> 00:19:05,036
One time.
376
00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:08,607
- With your cousin Ben.
- Yeah.
377
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:12,378
Well, that is interesting information.
378
00:19:12,417 --> 00:19:13,714
[Kylie] Hey.
379
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:17,244
- You ready to go to the movie?
- Yeah, let's roll.
380
00:19:20,425 --> 00:19:22,450
I warned you not to mess with me.
381
00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:31,360
If it makes you feel any better,
382
00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:33,735
he got me to march
in two pride parades with him.
383
00:19:35,707 --> 00:19:38,835
Oh, boy. Thanks for buying us all
matching fat-pants from the gift shop.
384
00:19:38,877 --> 00:19:41,072
- Whoo!
- [All] Fatties!
385
00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:43,013
It's the best 800 bucks I ever spent.
386
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:45,583
You crack me up.
387
00:19:45,617 --> 00:19:47,710
Wait, you just said
something nice to her.
388
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:50,551
Well, when you were gone
we talked and...
389
00:19:50,589 --> 00:19:53,057
- Well, we bonded a little.
- Really?
390
00:19:53,091 --> 00:19:56,288
Did you know that when
we were kids we both had horses?
391
00:19:56,328 --> 00:19:58,956
I did! How did I not use that before?
392
00:19:58,997 --> 00:20:01,022
I mean, all horse-people
love each other.
393
00:20:01,066 --> 00:20:03,091
Sometimes it just takes a crappy night
394
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:05,899
for two people to realize
how close they already are.
395
00:20:06,605 --> 00:20:08,197
Buddy.
396
00:20:11,643 --> 00:20:13,008
This is fake.
397
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,740
I told you she wouldn't buy it!
398
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:19,281
Jules, I tried, but come on,
she named her horse Limp Bizkit.
399
00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:22,082
- Because he rocked!
- "He rocked."
400
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,953
This is the way it's always going to be
with my two best friends?
401
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,355
- Bingo.
- Right. That's right.
402
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:27,415
Well...
403
00:20:27,459 --> 00:20:30,360
Oh, it doesn't matter,
we'll always have your back.
404
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,522
We will kick ass and take names.
405
00:20:33,198 --> 00:20:35,689
- Thank you.
- [Knocking at door]
406
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,900
- You requested turndown service?
- Just hand over the chocolates.
407
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:45,933
- Did you know today's my 34th birthday?
- Happy birthday.
408
00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:47,673
[Shouts]
409
00:20:49,514 --> 00:20:52,415
This is the best birthday ever!
410
00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:54,942
* Thirty-four,
thirty-four, thirty-four...
411
00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:58,623
I think you know
why we are here today.
412
00:20:58,657 --> 00:21:00,284
Travis has obtained certain
information about you, Grayson,
413
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:02,824
you would prefer to keep private.
414
00:21:02,861 --> 00:21:05,887
Now, Travis is willing to keep
said info locked up for eternity
415
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:08,729
for the asking price of $50, American.
416
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,497
How do we know
he hasn't already told people?
417
00:21:11,536 --> 00:21:14,004
I've been begging him to tell me
all morning, I've got nothing.
418
00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:15,506
Fine.
419
00:21:15,540 --> 00:21:18,031
[Up-tempo music plays]
420
00:21:18,076 --> 00:21:19,668
It's been a pleasure.
421
00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:22,606
Dude, your cousin? How gay is that?
422
00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:23,774
Yo, Trav! Wait up!