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[BLOWING]
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[FEEDBACK SQUEALS]
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Okay, you can hear me? Okay.
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Good morning. I'm here to kick off
the first day of a new tradition
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at our school called Green Week.
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What?
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First, we give a month to black
history, now seven days on the Irish.
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All this week, Greendale College
is becoming so Earth-smart
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that we're changing our name
to Envirodale.
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But we were already
called Greendale.
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WOMAN: Yeah.
MAN: Yeah.
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Well, there's also going to be
a free rock 'n' roll concert
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by a certain band
called Green Day.
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[STUDENTS APPLAUDING]
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That make you happy?
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No, not really.
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[WHISPERING]
We need to re-do these.
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We printed 5000.
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Well, print 5000 more.
I'm trying to save a planet here.
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[###]
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CHANG:
Pencils down.
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Annie.
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[CHANG CLEARS THROAT]
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I wasn't...
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I want you all to write
a one-page essay, in español
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entitled, "Annie's Mistake."
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Why doesn't Annie
have to write it?
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Okay, two pages, entitled:
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"The Consequences
of Questioning Authority."
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This is Spanish.
I know how to say "hello," "tomorrow"
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and tables are female.
That's the only Spanish you taught us.
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Oh! Six pages on ignorance.
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Guys, put your hands down.
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Señor Chang, please continue.
We respect your authority.
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Thank you, Britta.
Twenty pages on ass kissing.
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Due on Monday.
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This Monday?
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[THE 88'S
"AT LEAST IT WAS HERE" PLAYS]
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If Señor Chang gets any crazier,
he's gonna win the Grammy award.
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[LAUGHING]
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I've already reported him
to the dean.
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He said they've been trying to fire him
for years but nobody wants his job.
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I can't write a 20-page paper.
I got a presentation in Marketing.
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And public speaking gives me
the nervous sweats.
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I can help you with that.
I accept.
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That's how messed up
things are.
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Well, we're screwed too.
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We're three days behind
on a Biology lab.
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Troy's afraid of...
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I'm not afraid, Abed.
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I choose not to be around rats
because they are unpopular.
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Same goes for centipedes and lakes.
There's only one solution.
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Someone has to go to Chang
and talk to him.
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I vote we all look at Jeff
at the same time.
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In a way, all of you are right.
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What was I tuning out?
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You have to get Chang to
call off this homework.
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You're the one with the silver tongue.
Yeah, go tongue Chang.
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What makes you think
I could convince Chang
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if I can't even convince you
not to make me do it?
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TRO Y:
Jeff does raise a good point.
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Wait. You are convincing.
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[GASPING]
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You could do it.
Yeah.
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You want me to risk the C that
I'm pulling in that psycho's class
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by putting myself on his radar?
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I mean, that guy goes any more nuts,
he's gonna win a Grammy.
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[LAUGHING]
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TRO Y: You are hilarious.
That's very funny.
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What is it, the chair?
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How do you gonna keep pulling
a C in that psycho's class
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if he keeps assigning
this much work?
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Because I have you guys.
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Well, guess what,
handsome hobo?
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Your gravy train's
leaving the station.
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[IMITATING TRAIN CHUGGING]
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Ignore what she's doing.
We are serious.
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Fine, I'll do it.
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But when you find my body,
don't believe the suicide note.
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[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING
ON COMPUTER]
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This better not awaken
anything in me.
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[KNOCKING]
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Green Day is here.
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Wow.
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Okay, what's this about now?
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We're Greene Daeye.
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Thank you. Oh.
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[KNOCKING]
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What do you want, Winger?
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You complaining about the
homework on behalf of the class?
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00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:54,057
Can I ask you a personal question,
Señor Chang?
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Okay, Freud.
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Sure, you try to penetrate
my psychological armor and you...
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Did your wife leave you?
Holy...
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00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:05,869
How'd you know?
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00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:09,599
Well, when you pick juries,
you learn to read the little stuff.
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Same shirt twice in one week.
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Teaching us the word esposa
means "liar."
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A picture of you with a woman
with a Post-it note dialogue balloon
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00:05:18,851 --> 00:05:21,718
above her head that says,
"Enjoy it while it lasts."
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We met at a salsa club.
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And, um,
she loved the way I danced.
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But, I mean, you know how it goes.
You get a job...
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You stop salsa dancing.
Of course I know.
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You make no mistake
about this, Winger.
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I pleasured that woman greatly.
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Yeah. You look like you would have to.
I'm not surprised you said that.
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I like you, Winger.
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Pickled bull testicle?
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Are you offering or collecting?
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[SINGING
"MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB"]
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[SINGING
"ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT"]
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[SINGING
"SOMEWHERE OUT THERE"]
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Troy, sing.
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The assignment is to train a rat
to a song.
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Yeah. Did you have to pick a duet?
Hm?
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[BOTH SINGING
"SOMEWHERE OUT THERE"]
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He did it. Good boy, Fievel.
Commencing reward.
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I have to open the cage.
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Yeah, you don't have to warn me,
I'm not afraid.
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[SQUEALING]
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[SCREAMING]
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[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
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Fievel.
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Everybody shut up.
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I'll kick all your asses,
but you all have to come up here.
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[LAUGHING]
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Dude, you are gonna be fine.
You just have to move on.
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And if you hang out with me
sometime,
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you will see how great
single life can be.
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Yeah?
Yeah.
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What about tonight?
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Absolutely.
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Oh, shoot.
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My Spanish study group
has to get together every night now.
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You have been really
letting us have it with this homework.
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I really have, haven't I?
Yeah.
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Tell you what. For my new buddy,
Jeff, essay cancelled. Shh-clacky.
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Fantastic. That is fantastic.
Everybody will be so happy.
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Oh-oh-oh. I didn't say everybody.
It's for my new friend Jeff.
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I mean, you're the one coming out
with me, right?
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Right. Yeah.
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I suppose that will put you in an
unenviable, uncomfortable position.
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Here's your jacket. Let's do this.
Awesome, great.
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Is there a rat in here?
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00:08:01,747 --> 00:08:04,272
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
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Abed.
El Tigre.
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[###]
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00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:20,721
Well, did you talk to Chang?
Yeah, but it didn't do any good.
150
00:08:20,933 --> 00:08:22,628
My still head hurts from the yelling.
151
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:26,362
My pupils are more sensitive to light
because he yelled at me so much.
152
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Oh, well, now I feel bad
that we made you do that.
153
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Maybe we can help with your essay.
Oh, that's okay.
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I'm working on mine by myself.
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You could do my homework
next time.
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See you in class.
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He's hiding something.
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Britta, Jeff suffered for us.
Give him a little credit.
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Yeah. You can be pretty cold.
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ABED: Troy?
Damn.
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Here comes Abed. He needs my help.
I gotta get out of here.
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00:08:51,497 --> 00:08:52,759
ABED:
Troy?
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00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:56,566
You guys seen a rat? Troy knocked
over Fievel's cage and he escaped.
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Oh, Abed, I'm sorry.
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He probably found more rats
and is very happy living with them.
166
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,905
Try to join the rest of us
in reality, Britta.
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00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:13,279
I believe that, uh, fusing brownies
with the, uh, Internet
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00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:17,388
is going to create the next Napster
for brownies.
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00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:18,921
Yawn!
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00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:20,786
Can't I just write it on cards?
171
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:22,927
No.
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00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:26,223
Do you know anybody
who reads from cards?
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00:09:26,432 --> 00:09:29,526
No.
No, you don't, and that's why.
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00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:32,135
Also, you might consider
a darker top.
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Note taken.
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Oh, and don't lock your knees.
Never lock your knees.
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00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:41,676
You know what happens when you
lock your knees? You die.
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00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:46,284
Second, when you wanna drive home
a point, hand them a sandwich.
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Try it. Hand them
a sandwich. See?
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Hand them a sandwich.
Yeah.
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00:09:50,122 --> 00:09:53,091
Except that you're...
You just dropped the sandwich
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as opposed to handing it to them.
Handing the palm.
183
00:09:55,861 --> 00:09:59,922
Yeah. Try attention-grabbing words
to wake up the audience, such as:
184
00:10:00,132 --> 00:10:01,497
Multiple orgasm.
185
00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:04,495
Oh, no, no. I don't think
that would fit into my message.
186
00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:07,673
Maybe we should focus more on...
Whatever.
187
00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:09,841
Yeah, and about these
filler words of yours.
188
00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:11,771
I mean,
nobody wants to buy brownies
189
00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:15,243
from somebody that says
"um" and "like."
190
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,674
I have a method for fixing that.
From the top.
191
00:10:17,883 --> 00:10:19,248
Okay.
192
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,977
These brownies are, uh...
Uh!
193
00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:25,116
They, um...
Um!
194
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:30,361
These brownies are delicious.
195
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:32,554
They taste like...
Like.
196
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:35,700
That's not a filler word.
Whatever, valley girl.
197
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:42,840
The difference between usted and tu
is a matter of formality.
198
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:46,837
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
199
00:10:47,046 --> 00:10:48,604
You are old.
200
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,249
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
201
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:56,053
You are ugly.
202
00:10:56,255 --> 00:10:57,882
No, you're not.
Thanks, sir.
203
00:10:58,090 --> 00:10:59,557
Shakira.
204
00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:00,851
Shakira.
205
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:02,687
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
206
00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:04,351
What's up?
207
00:11:04,563 --> 00:11:06,895
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
208
00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:11,593
You are dirty.
Dude.
209
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:13,965
CHANG:
Still formal but plural
210
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:18,303
because while both are dirty,
neither are my friends.
211
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,500
Okay?
212
00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:22,943
And on another subject, hope you guys
are working hard on your essays.
213
00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:25,083
That's gonna be 30 percent
of your grade.
214
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:26,683
Oh, no.
215
00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:29,980
Jeff already turned in his essay.
216
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,089
Great job.
Thanks.
217
00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:34,486
CHANG: As soon as you turn
in your essays on Monday,
218
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:37,288
there's gonna be a big-ass quiz,
so study hard.
219
00:11:37,496 --> 00:11:39,225
Class dismissed.
220
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:45,359
Dude.
Dude.
221
00:11:45,571 --> 00:11:47,732
Crazy night last night, man.
That was crazy.
222
00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:49,771
When you go out with me,
it gets crazy.
223
00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:52,170
That's the Winger guarantee.
224
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,608
Dude, let's do it again.
225
00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:57,544
Yeah, I want to,
it's just the quiz, you know?
226
00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:59,445
Study, study.
227
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,381
Well, how about this:
228
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:05,783
Bling. A-plus. Nice work, Winger.
229
00:12:05,991 --> 00:12:08,050
I knew I could do it
if I applied myself.
230
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:12,625
Cherry daiquiri.
Cherry daiquiri.
231
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:15,562
[###]
232
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:19,871
Later.
You devious clump
233
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,097
of overpriced fabric
and hair product.
234
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:25,209
Speaking as one of the meek, soon
as I inherit the Earth, you dead.
235
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:29,040
You got a weird forehead.
We're all very disappointed.
236
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:31,113
All right, dial it back a little, Britta.
237
00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:33,410
If anyone should be disappointed,
it's me.
238
00:12:33,619 --> 00:12:37,111
What kind of a group threatens to kick
someone out unless he helps them?
239
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:41,225
What kind of a person is asked to help
other people and then helps himself?
240
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,054
Helps himself?
241
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:45,093
I don't like being talked to that way.
242
00:12:45,297 --> 00:12:48,130
He's using fake outrage
to justify leaving.
243
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,199
Fake outrage? Justify my...?
244
00:12:50,402 --> 00:12:52,233
Yeah, that's it, I'm out of here.
245
00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:56,297
Are you breaking up with the group?
That's what you guys want.
246
00:12:56,842 --> 00:12:58,503
I've been divorced seven times.
247
00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:02,169
Don't answer your phones and
bury all your money in the backyard.
248
00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:05,475
Here you go. Look at Pierce's
paragraph from unit two.
249
00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:08,380
Let's see,
"I took a computer class at
250
00:13:08,587 --> 00:13:11,351
tienda de manzana,"
the Apple Store.
251
00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:12,751
Adorable.
Keep going.
252
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:17,918
"And the saleswoman
had manzanas gigantes. " Ruined it.
253
00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:20,690
Imagine being married to him?
Seven times.
254
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:23,460
Seven different women agreed
to marry that guy.
255
00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:24,795
It's crazy.
256
00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:27,063
[CHANG WHIMPERING
AND CRYING]
257
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:31,638
I'm so alone.
258
00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:35,041
I'm so lonely I wanna die.
259
00:13:35,247 --> 00:13:37,772
Come on, man. It...
Come on. Don't do that.
260
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:44,682
I just miss her so much.
Yeah.
261
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:48,688
I'm sorry. This is so stupid.
No, no, no, it's fine, it's just...
262
00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:50,327
Buddy, you know...
I'm dumb.
263
00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:54,863
I can see that you're hurting
but I have to get to Accounting.
264
00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:57,968
It's not like I'm hitting strip clubs
with Professor Whitman.
265
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,831
You better not be.
What?
266
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:04,373
All I ask is for you to keep filling
the void in my soul.
267
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,477
I'll have to
think of something.
268
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:10,638
Let me rest gently on your pecs.
269
00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:15,650
Best closer to a presentation,
a Nicholson quote.
270
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:19,382
You take a phrase from one of his films
and you tailor it to your product.
271
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:23,028
You can't handle a moist towelette.
Something like that, you know.
272
00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:25,322
But you can't use that one.
That's mine.
273
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:26,793
Thanks, Pierce.
274
00:14:26,999 --> 00:14:29,900
I'm gonna write it on some cards.
Okay.
275
00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:33,465
Just don't let anybody know
I was involved.
276
00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:38,106
[###]
277
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,446
Why do you care so much?
278
00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:50,713
I don't.
279
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:54,086
Because Fievel's going to die.
I'd rather die than listen.
280
00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:55,521
Who's going to die?
Yeah.
281
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,094
The exterminator is coming
because of our rat.
282
00:14:58,297 --> 00:15:00,458
I'd like to exterminate
this conversation.
283
00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:01,963
What are you doing?
284
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:04,431
He's sitting in Jeff's chair
so he's trying to act like Jeff.
285
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:07,231
GROUP:
Oh! Oh.
286
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:10,197
E-mail.
287
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:12,639
I thought you might wanna help me.
We are friends.
288
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:15,006
Abed, take it
from a former prom king.
289
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:18,615
Real friends help me with things,
not vice versa.
290
00:15:18,817 --> 00:15:20,444
I would face my fears
to help you.
291
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:23,588
Exactly. Because you're my friend.
292
00:15:24,156 --> 00:15:25,748
Am I?
293
00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:29,359
[SINGING
"SOMEWHERE OUT THERE"]
294
00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:32,588
Abed.
295
00:15:32,798 --> 00:15:35,062
If he gets any nuttier,
they're gonna put him on The View.
296
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:36,757
[CHUCKLING]
297
00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:38,061
That works. Yeah.
298
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:41,296
What are we gonna do?
We're gonna study. Ah!
299
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:42,906
Fievel?
300
00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:44,905
Fievel.
Fievel?
301
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,202
[SQUEAKING]
302
00:15:46,412 --> 00:15:47,777
Fievel.
303
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:49,438
Fievel.
304
00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:51,138
[CROWD CHEERING]
305
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:52,408
Okay, thank you.
306
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:57,578
Green Week was a rousing success
here at Greendale.
307
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:01,089
And now for our band, Greene Daeye.
They're not the real Green Day.
308
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:04,660
Thought we should just rip
that Band-Aid off quickly. Okay.
309
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:09,694
Hey. What's up?
310
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,666
Just got your text, man.
Wanna hang out?
311
00:16:12,871 --> 00:16:14,634
Because if you don't, I will fail you.
312
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:18,037
Actually, I had an idea
for an extra-credit project.
313
00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:22,111
We've been asked to dedicate
our first song
314
00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:25,112
to "Señor and Señora Chang."
315
00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:31,818
She said she didn't wanna
talk to me.
316
00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:34,388
I didn't tell her you wanted to talk.
317
00:16:35,094 --> 00:16:40,691
"The estimation of market value
of brownies has..."
318
00:16:40,899 --> 00:16:43,197
"I, uh... Target group..."
319
00:16:43,402 --> 00:16:47,202
Ms. Bennett, I'm afraid I have
to ask you to put down the cards.
320
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:53,036
[SINGING
"SOMEWHERE OUT THERE"]
321
00:16:55,414 --> 00:16:58,349
[ABED CONTINUES SINGING
"SOMEWHERE OUT THERE"]
322
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:03,852
Uh... l... Uh...
323
00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:16,564
[BAND PLAYING]
324
00:17:21,407 --> 00:17:25,639
[TRO Y SINGING
"SOMEWHERE OUT THERE"]
325
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,413
They are wonderful.
326
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:39,918
We all love brownies.
They're delicious.
327
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:42,457
If you love brownies, you love life.
328
00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:56,472
Orgasmically delicious.
329
00:18:10,522 --> 00:18:12,649
[YELLS]
330
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:28,131
Here's Brownie.
331
00:18:46,091 --> 00:18:48,616
God, he's on my leg!
332
00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:50,522
He's on my leg!
333
00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:56,898
Disgusting.
334
00:18:58,637 --> 00:18:59,626
Thank you.
335
00:19:00,572 --> 00:19:02,540
What's Chang doing?
336
00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:08,304
He's getting a refill
on his void.
337
00:19:09,014 --> 00:19:12,381
I got an A on my presentation
and a lot of the credit goes to Pierce.
338
00:19:12,584 --> 00:19:14,609
And I had a great sandwich.
339
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,482
We found the stupid rat and
Abed's gonna shut up about it.
340
00:19:17,689 --> 00:19:19,350
It's true.
341
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,793
I have something to say.
342
00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:27,162
I've been a horrible husband
and I've been a horrible teacher.
343
00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:31,132
And I'd like to thank my student,
Jeff Winger, for showing me that
344
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:33,538
and helping me fix my marriage.
345
00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:36,974
No more 20-page essays
due on Monday.
346
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,871
Oh, that's nice.
Thank you.
347
00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:43,207
Although, Winger, you should write
a one-page essay called:
348
00:19:43,415 --> 00:19:46,907
"Taking Advantage
of the Emotionally Vulnerable."
349
00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:48,211
Boo-yah.
350
00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:51,048
[BAND PLAYING]
351
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:52,814
You did that for us?
352
00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:55,920
Mm. Kind of.
353
00:19:57,663 --> 00:20:01,599
I thought hanging out with you guys
was the worst way to pass Spanish.
354
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,064
I was wrong.
Well, we're the best.
355
00:20:04,269 --> 00:20:07,102
Jeff, I'm sorry I called you
a handsome hobo.
356
00:20:07,306 --> 00:20:10,503
If you need help with that essay,
you can rejoin the group.
357
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,176
JEFF:
Thanks.
358
00:20:12,978 --> 00:20:15,344
What are you guys talking to me for?
You go dance.
359
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:25,049
I know your secret.
I know about the chair.
360
00:20:40,772 --> 00:20:42,069
Whoa. What model
did you get?
361
00:20:42,274 --> 00:20:44,708
It's the Tsunami 3000
Anniversary Edition. You?
362
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:47,879
The Devil's Drench XJ11.
This is gonna be awesome.
363
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,742
Establish base camps.
What part of the library do you want?
364
00:20:50,949 --> 00:20:53,782
North east is closest to the
drinking fountain, which is the...
365
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:55,715
All right, guys,
are we gonna do this thing?
366
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:56,979
[LAUGHS]
367
00:20:57,189 --> 00:21:00,556
Pierce, I hope that's the tiny gun
that you throw at us to confuse us
368
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:03,057
while you grab the giant gun
taped to your back.
369
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,822
Seriously, this hardly
seems like a fair fight. Ah!
370
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,089
[SCREAMING]
371
00:21:07,299 --> 00:21:09,859
Oh, it's pepper water.
Oh, it's pep...
372
00:21:10,068 --> 00:21:11,968
Who puts pepper in water?