1 00:00:01,176 --> 00:00:04,389 Kids, there more than one story of how I met your mother. 2 00:00:04,928 --> 00:00:07,644 You know the short version, the thing with your mom's yellow umbrella. 3 00:00:08,031 --> 00:00:09,451 But there's a bigger story. 4 00:00:09,517 --> 00:00:13,028 The story of how I became who I had to become before I could meet her. 5 00:00:13,418 --> 00:00:15,729 And that story begins, here. 6 00:00:16,162 --> 00:00:17,005 ... dary! 7 00:00:17,328 --> 00:00:18,908 Legendary! 8 00:00:19,017 --> 00:00:21,388 Dude, I am so excited that you're single again. 9 00:00:21,410 --> 00:00:23,513 We are going to conquer New York City. 10 00:00:23,749 --> 00:00:25,753 I already have a girl from work lined up for you. 11 00:00:25,905 --> 00:00:27,726 Right boob bigger than the left boob, 12 00:00:27,773 --> 00:00:29,598 which some choose to look at as bra half empty, 13 00:00:29,652 --> 00:00:31,219 I choose to look at as bra half full. 14 00:00:32,452 --> 00:00:33,515 I don't know. 15 00:00:33,599 --> 00:00:35,344 Robin and I broke up two weeks ago. 16 00:00:35,391 --> 00:00:37,134 I'm... I'm not ready. 17 00:00:38,070 --> 00:00:39,253 When will you be ready? 18 00:00:39,928 --> 00:00:41,143 It was a good question. 19 00:00:41,211 --> 00:00:44,225 After a big relationship ends, you need some time to recuperate. 20 00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:47,914 Robin took a trip to Argentina, and I went through my usual routine. 21 00:00:48,070 --> 00:00:49,573 I grew my breakup beard. 22 00:00:49,809 --> 00:00:50,984 Ted Mosby, suit up, 23 00:00:51,019 --> 00:00:53,206 'cause here's the plan. There's a Miss Nassau County pageant. 24 00:00:53,248 --> 00:00:55,946 We'll pretend to be judges and, yes, our votes are for sale. 25 00:00:56,899 --> 00:00:57,944 I'm not ready. 26 00:00:58,778 --> 00:01:00,334 I repainted the apartment. 27 00:01:00,431 --> 00:01:02,533 Finish Line of a women's 10K. 28 00:01:02,719 --> 00:01:05,923 Salty girls on an endorphin high who just want to lie down. 29 00:01:07,059 --> 00:01:09,074 - Yeah. - I'm not ready. 30 00:01:09,701 --> 00:01:11,706 And the truth is, I was doing really good. 31 00:01:12,028 --> 00:01:15,704 Female acrobats from Montreal. Super flexible. 32 00:01:15,779 --> 00:01:17,895 We are going to get Cirque de So-Laid. 33 00:01:18,010 --> 00:01:19,455 What up? 34 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,246 Barney, come on, we've covered this. I'm not... 35 00:01:21,268 --> 00:01:22,283 - Hey, guys. 36 00:01:22,668 --> 00:01:23,966 I just got in last night. 37 00:01:26,631 --> 00:01:28,495 Um, uh, this is Gael. 38 00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:29,825 Hola. 39 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:31,833 Okay, I'm ready. 40 00:01:38,801 --> 00:01:41,395 How I met your mother 3x01- Wait For It... 41 00:01:47,460 --> 00:01:49,234 I just can't believe her. 44 00:01:54,601 --> 00:01:55,706 You know what she's doing? 45 00:01:55,969 --> 00:01:57,185 She's trying to win the breakup. 46 00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,086 What do you mean "win thebreakup", old-timey inventor? 47 00:02:01,061 --> 00:02:04,145 What our 21st president, Chester A. Arthur, is trying to say, 48 00:02:04,368 --> 00:02:07,234 is that in every breakup there are winners and a losers. 49 00:02:07,410 --> 00:02:08,975 It's not a competition. 50 00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:12,815 Now, your 80-day balloon race around the world, that was a competition. 51 00:02:13,460 --> 00:02:14,405 That's my wife. 52 00:02:15,161 --> 00:02:17,073 Of course it's a competition, Lil. 53 00:02:17,248 --> 00:02:19,406 How else do you explain... what's his name? 54 00:02:20,118 --> 00:02:20,823 Gael. 55 00:02:22,961 --> 00:02:24,153 I'm sorry, Gayle? 56 00:02:25,788 --> 00:02:26,516 Gael. 57 00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:28,706 Kyle? 58 00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:30,964 Gael. 59 00:02:33,188 --> 00:02:33,963 Girl? 60 00:02:36,170 --> 00:02:38,024 It's pronounced "guy-el. " 61 00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:39,803 It means "joyful. " 62 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:43,144 That is why I live my life by bringing joy, 63 00:02:43,189 --> 00:02:45,766 good energy and happiness to others. 64 00:02:46,268 --> 00:02:48,333 Especially those less fortunate that I. 65 00:02:49,558 --> 00:02:51,143 I'm sorry, so it's Gayle? 66 00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:53,724 What a jerk. 67 00:02:53,990 --> 00:02:55,880 I don't go to your stupid country and 68 00:02:55,881 --> 00:02:58,025 try to seduce women with my sexy accent. 69 00:02:58,109 --> 00:03:01,554 That's a great point, Persian nightclub owner. 70 00:03:01,590 --> 00:03:04,023 Oh, and he's a masseuse. 71 00:03:04,490 --> 00:03:05,515 With a massage, 72 00:03:06,079 --> 00:03:07,303 everything is connected. 73 00:03:08,079 --> 00:03:10,924 I can touch your foot, cleanse your kidney. 74 00:03:11,668 --> 00:03:15,386 I can touch your earlobe, and slow your heartbeat. 75 00:03:15,921 --> 00:03:18,214 One time, I used warm water to make a guy pee. 76 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:20,606 Of course, I didn't make a career out of it. 77 00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:22,074 Career? 78 00:03:22,489 --> 00:03:23,854 Such an American idea. 79 00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:25,535 My career is living. 80 00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,015 Windsurfing. 81 00:03:27,579 --> 00:03:28,735 Making love. 82 00:03:29,711 --> 00:03:31,704 Sometimes at the same time. 83 00:03:32,851 --> 00:03:35,933 How? How would one do that exactly? 84 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:38,894 Seriously, don't giggle. Tell me. 85 00:03:39,370 --> 00:03:42,845 Not possible. You cannot have sex on a windsurfing board. 86 00:03:42,869 --> 00:03:44,805 - How do you know? - Glad you asked, Lily. 87 00:03:45,038 --> 00:03:47,855 I have crafted a list of every vehicle... 88 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,633 land-based, aquatic and airborne... 89 00:03:49,658 --> 00:03:51,914 in which/on which it's possible to have sex. 90 00:03:52,051 --> 00:03:56,614 And of those 33 vehicles, I have had sex in/on 31. 91 00:03:57,090 --> 00:03:59,434 Windsurfing board, not on the list, not possible. 92 00:04:00,038 --> 00:04:01,843 Oh, P. S., in orderto hit 33, 93 00:04:02,028 --> 00:04:05,094 all I need is bobsled and the Apollo 11 space capsule. 94 00:04:05,489 --> 00:04:08,184 To get that last one, you'd have to break into the Smithsonian. 95 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,224 This conversation never happened. 96 00:04:10,791 --> 00:04:14,263 All right, you're suited up, I'm bearded down. 97 00:04:14,568 --> 00:04:16,623 - Let's get out there and win this thing. - Yes! 98 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,943 You guys, have fun on your double date. 99 00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:22,026 Oh, for the hundredth time, I'm sorry, there was a lull. 100 00:04:22,540 --> 00:04:25,484 And then we fell asleep on the beach while counting the stars. 101 00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:27,976 Do you want to have dinner with me? Uh, us? 102 00:04:29,751 --> 00:04:31,104 There was no lull. 103 00:04:31,288 --> 00:04:33,816 - You just think he's incredibly hot. - No, I don't! 104 00:04:34,401 --> 00:04:35,506 Not incredibly. 105 00:04:36,791 --> 00:04:38,926 It's a little hard to believe how hot he is. 106 00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:41,433 But, I mean, she's not serious about him. 107 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,636 The girl never marries the hot guy. 108 00:04:43,970 --> 00:04:45,066 Well, you did. 109 00:04:45,199 --> 00:04:46,715 I'm one of the lucky few. 110 00:04:48,001 --> 00:04:51,125 Lily, Ted is our best friend, so let's get something straight: 111 00:04:51,301 --> 00:04:53,623 Male Gayle is not hot. 112 00:04:53,789 --> 00:04:55,635 He's not our friend. Don't even look at him. 113 00:04:55,691 --> 00:04:57,336 Just... no eye contact. 114 00:04:57,938 --> 00:05:01,175 So that night, as Lily and Marshall did their best to hate Gael... 115 00:05:01,220 --> 00:05:03,524 Hey, Robin. Gael. 116 00:05:03,980 --> 00:05:05,965 Robin pulled me aside to check in. 117 00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:07,903 Now, I'm sure she meant the best, 118 00:05:08,110 --> 00:05:09,845 but she said the worst. 119 00:05:09,921 --> 00:05:11,843 I just want to make sure you're okay with this. 120 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,374 "I just want to make sure you're okay with this"? 121 00:05:14,769 --> 00:05:17,203 Damn it! I can't believe she's the one that gets to say that. 122 00:05:17,349 --> 00:05:18,513 She's winning, isn't she? 123 00:05:19,031 --> 00:05:21,394 Not for long. Okay, pep talk. 124 00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:22,463 Take a knee. 125 00:05:23,269 --> 00:05:26,665 Ted, tonight we're going to get you someone way hotter than Robin. 126 00:05:27,268 --> 00:05:29,165 Okay, Robin's a ten. 127 00:05:29,381 --> 00:05:30,976 Fine, we'll get you a 12. 128 00:05:31,611 --> 00:05:34,143 Or, you know... two sixes. 129 00:05:35,038 --> 00:05:36,595 Failing that, four threes. 130 00:05:36,930 --> 00:05:38,693 And break glass in case of emergency, 131 00:05:38,750 --> 00:05:40,623 we'll go to Staten Island, I'll get you 12 ones. 132 00:05:40,698 --> 00:05:44,164 Ted, my boy, I am going to re-teach you how... 133 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,496 - Amy. - Ted. 134 00:05:50,159 --> 00:05:50,915 Barney. 135 00:05:56,032 --> 00:05:57,949 Ted, we are back! 136 00:05:58,062 --> 00:05:59,006 Up here. 137 00:06:01,342 --> 00:06:02,216 Up high. 138 00:06:03,172 --> 00:06:04,967 Fivin' it up five-style! 139 00:06:07,522 --> 00:06:09,236 I'm sorry this is all so weird. 140 00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:10,957 Weird, why would it be weird? 141 00:06:11,013 --> 00:06:13,846 Because you used to date our best friend or because my wife 142 00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:16,539 thinks your new boyfriend is incredibly hot? 143 00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:19,881 I do not! Shut up! Oh, my God! 144 00:06:21,995 --> 00:06:23,782 - I just hope Ted's okay. - Hmm. 145 00:06:24,005 --> 00:06:26,058 I hate to see you so tense. 146 00:06:27,171 --> 00:06:30,179 I mean, we had a really clean break up, you know? 147 00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:33,337 We really acted like adults, so the last thing... oh! 148 00:06:38,691 --> 00:06:41,199 Gael, are you a properly licensed massage therapist? 149 00:06:41,453 --> 00:06:42,199 What? 150 00:06:42,351 --> 00:06:45,487 Are you legally certified by some type of governing entity? 151 00:06:45,752 --> 00:06:48,109 I train for three years at an institute in Buenos Aires. 152 00:06:48,304 --> 00:06:50,007 I have a card. I can show you. 153 00:06:50,103 --> 00:06:51,479 Is the card laminated? 154 00:06:51,971 --> 00:06:55,457 - What do you mean "laminated"? - Covered in protective plastic. 155 00:06:55,612 --> 00:06:57,666 - Oh, yes. - Damn it. 156 00:06:58,082 --> 00:06:59,197 He checks out. 157 00:07:00,674 --> 00:07:02,506 Ted. Ted. 158 00:07:03,531 --> 00:07:06,258 - Ted. Ted. - What!? 159 00:07:08,871 --> 00:07:10,318 Let's bail, this place is dead. 160 00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:12,557 Yeah, you're right. We're both totally striking out. 161 00:07:12,731 --> 00:07:15,219 Exactly, plus, we're on a tight schedule. 162 00:07:15,262 --> 00:07:18,249 I've got this entire evening perfectly planned out... spoiler alert: 163 00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:22,829 our last stop is an after hours club so after hours, it's three days from now. 164 00:07:22,854 --> 00:07:24,157 What up. 165 00:07:24,843 --> 00:07:27,099 Are you blind? I'm making out with a 12. 166 00:07:27,133 --> 00:07:29,477 - I am winning. - Yeah, but I didn't get to help. 167 00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:30,997 So you're saying you want me to throw away 168 00:07:31,011 --> 00:07:33,798 a super hot girl just because you didn't help me get her? 169 00:07:34,252 --> 00:07:35,886 Apology accepted. Let's go. 170 00:07:36,471 --> 00:07:38,649 - Who's the suit? - This is Barney. 171 00:07:38,674 --> 00:07:40,759 - Barney, Amy. - I'm not gonna remember that. 172 00:07:41,311 --> 00:07:43,916 Now, if you'll exse me, random chick from earlier tonight, 173 00:07:43,962 --> 00:07:47,086 as you shall henceforth be known, Ted and I have a schedule to keep. 174 00:07:47,463 --> 00:07:51,428 Well, you can check off 8:54, dress up like a dork and bother the cool kids. 175 00:07:52,323 --> 00:07:53,067 Beat it, nerd. 176 00:07:53,992 --> 00:07:56,838 Wow. Wow. Great stuff, Tommy Lee. 177 00:07:57,082 --> 00:07:59,759 See, what you don't understand is I'm Ted's wingman. 178 00:08:00,124 --> 00:08:03,608 It's a sacred bond, much stronger than any... They're making out again. 179 00:08:04,873 --> 00:08:06,816 Massage therapist. 180 00:08:07,484 --> 00:08:08,987 And you know what, "Gayle"? 181 00:08:09,412 --> 00:08:11,979 Your piece of chicken looks a little tense to me. 182 00:08:13,462 --> 00:08:16,598 Oh, oh, does that feel good, Mr. Chicken? 183 00:08:16,882 --> 00:08:18,146 Well, guess what? 184 00:08:18,211 --> 00:08:20,028 I didn't wash my hands. 185 00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:21,349 Got him. 186 00:08:23,894 --> 00:08:24,588 Lily! 187 00:08:25,313 --> 00:08:29,077 We carry so much ancient emotion in our neck and shoulders. 188 00:08:29,164 --> 00:08:31,339 Things we should have let go of years ago. 189 00:08:32,183 --> 00:08:33,856 I forgive you, Mom. 190 00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:40,219 Lily, we are Ted's best friends. Our job is to hate that guy. 191 00:08:40,283 --> 00:08:42,368 Oh, yeah, that's what I was doing. 192 00:08:42,543 --> 00:08:44,586 I was just building him up so 193 00:08:44,704 --> 00:08:47,829 a few minutes later, I could totally cut him down. 194 00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:52,789 Weren't you wearing a bra? 195 00:08:54,382 --> 00:08:55,508 The night was going great. 196 00:08:55,641 --> 00:08:57,478 Amy was cool and dangerous. 197 00:08:57,542 --> 00:08:59,027 She found a friend for Barney. 198 00:08:59,054 --> 00:09:01,339 She even paid for drinks... sort of. 199 00:09:03,422 --> 00:09:05,586 They know us here. You're gonna get us in trouble. 200 00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:08,608 Tell me something. Do you ask your tailor to leave extra room in the crotch 201 00:09:08,651 --> 00:09:10,686 for your huge vagina? 202 00:09:13,142 --> 00:09:16,478 You... your vagina... 203 00:09:17,972 --> 00:09:19,899 Ted, this chick is crazy. We're leaving. 204 00:09:19,914 --> 00:09:21,996 Good idea. Let's all go back to my place. 205 00:09:22,021 --> 00:09:26,389 Your place? Thanks but no thanks, 1994 Courtney Love. 206 00:09:27,041 --> 00:09:28,358 I have a hot tub. 207 00:09:30,393 --> 00:09:32,568 Okay, this is actually pretty nice. 208 00:09:35,604 --> 00:09:36,878 I like your tatts. 209 00:09:37,462 --> 00:09:39,208 Thanks, you can play with them if you want. 210 00:09:39,234 --> 00:09:40,766 They're a hundred percent real. 211 00:09:42,112 --> 00:09:45,249 No, your tatts... toos, your tattoos. 212 00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:47,876 Thanks. 213 00:09:48,683 --> 00:09:50,467 - You should get one. - Wrong! 214 00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,829 Ted has a classic clean cut look 215 00:09:52,903 --> 00:09:56,689 that never goes out of style season after season, burn. 216 00:09:56,904 --> 00:09:59,848 Yeah? Well, I think he would look hot with some ink. 217 00:09:59,934 --> 00:10:01,716 - No, he wouldn't. - Yes, he would. 218 00:10:01,764 --> 00:10:02,807 No, he wouldn't. 219 00:10:05,163 --> 00:10:07,606 I'm ready to do anything you want by the way. Anything. 220 00:10:08,533 --> 00:10:09,317 Right now. 221 00:10:11,063 --> 00:10:13,316 Ted, who are you gonna side with on this tattoo thing? 222 00:10:13,392 --> 00:10:15,807 I think I'd look way hot with some ink. 223 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,399 - Yeah, you would. - Yeah. 224 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,446 Oh, my God! Tyler? 225 00:10:21,713 --> 00:10:23,887 Mommy! Daddy! She's back! 226 00:10:25,072 --> 00:10:28,017 Damn it, they're supposed to be in the Hamptons. Run! 227 00:10:31,112 --> 00:10:34,606 Sorry. I used to nanny for those jerks before they fired me. 228 00:10:34,694 --> 00:10:36,579 - So unfair. - Unfair? 229 00:10:36,604 --> 00:10:39,068 I wouldn't let you take care of the imaginary kids I make up 230 00:10:39,112 --> 00:10:40,537 to score with single moms. 231 00:10:40,963 --> 00:10:42,539 That's it, Ted. We're going home. 232 00:10:45,274 --> 00:10:46,018 Ted? 233 00:10:47,394 --> 00:10:48,296 Ted, you okay? 234 00:10:49,293 --> 00:10:50,286 Hello, Ted. 235 00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:54,097 Robin and I are about to make fantastic aquatic sex on this windsurfing board. 236 00:10:54,134 --> 00:10:56,899 And I just want to make sure you're okay with this. 237 00:11:00,884 --> 00:11:05,296 - Okay, how do we this? - I think your leg goes up, up... 238 00:11:05,361 --> 00:11:08,228 - Okay, how about if I, um... - No, mine... 239 00:11:08,433 --> 00:11:09,306 I'm okay. 240 00:11:10,051 --> 00:11:11,746 In fact, here's how okay I am. 241 00:11:12,413 --> 00:11:15,706 - I'm getting a tattoo. - You're not getting a tattoo, 242 00:11:15,733 --> 00:11:16,727 it's not you. 243 00:11:16,924 --> 00:11:19,508 Ted, you are heading down a dark path. 244 00:11:20,842 --> 00:11:22,967 That dark path is my driveway. 245 00:11:23,914 --> 00:11:26,836 But you need a plan and you need a wingman! 246 00:11:26,931 --> 00:11:29,396 This is so going in my blog! 247 00:11:32,454 --> 00:11:33,766 Want to have sex? 248 00:11:36,042 --> 00:11:36,816 Okay. 249 00:11:39,053 --> 00:11:41,588 And underneath, it should say, "I win. " 250 00:11:42,293 --> 00:11:44,947 And then it should have flames coming out the bottom. 251 00:11:45,042 --> 00:11:45,847 Fire! 252 00:11:46,084 --> 00:11:47,587 We should start a fire. 253 00:11:48,211 --> 00:11:49,577 After this maybe. 254 00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:53,418 Oh, man, this is going to be legend... Wait for it. 255 00:11:53,523 --> 00:11:55,157 And that's all I remember. 256 00:11:55,231 --> 00:11:57,709 The next morning, I woke up alone, back home. 257 00:12:20,708 --> 00:12:22,541 Hey, buddy, how was your night? 258 00:12:23,096 --> 00:12:24,533 You know, it was great. 259 00:12:24,606 --> 00:12:27,352 I met this crazy girl, I almost got a tattoo. 260 00:12:27,697 --> 00:12:30,144 Don't worry. I didn't, but it was... 261 00:12:30,329 --> 00:12:31,701 It was amazing. 262 00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:34,864 I think it's safe to say, I am winning this breakup. 263 00:12:37,036 --> 00:12:37,863 Look. 264 00:12:38,968 --> 00:12:40,193 Oh, my God. 265 00:12:40,388 --> 00:12:42,093 - What? - Nothing. 266 00:12:42,186 --> 00:12:43,632 This J. Crew catalog. 267 00:12:43,887 --> 00:12:46,453 Who brings two Golden Retrievers in a canoe? 268 00:12:49,057 --> 00:12:51,531 - We got to call Barney. - Way ahead of you. 269 00:12:52,978 --> 00:12:54,531 Hey, guys, what's the big emergency? 270 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,641 Oh, and B the W: I am never speaking to Ted again. 271 00:12:57,699 --> 00:12:58,934 Really? Never? 272 00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:02,341 Not even if, say, butterflies flew out of his ass? 273 00:13:02,918 --> 00:13:03,731 What? 274 00:13:06,029 --> 00:13:07,992 Ted? Could you grab me the fondue pot? 275 00:13:11,028 --> 00:13:12,462 He has no idea. 276 00:13:13,867 --> 00:13:16,263 Mm-hmm. And up we go. 277 00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:20,822 Thank you. 278 00:13:21,607 --> 00:13:22,373 What? 279 00:13:23,967 --> 00:13:24,783 - Ted? - Mm? 280 00:13:24,827 --> 00:13:26,931 I came here this morning because... 281 00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:31,443 - I want to apologize. - Apology accepted, Barney. 282 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:34,033 As you can see, I do just fine on my own. 283 00:13:34,034 --> 00:13:35,682 I don't need a baby-sitter. 284 00:13:35,777 --> 00:13:38,098 See, all this time, I thought you needed a wingman to fly, 285 00:13:38,099 --> 00:13:39,081 but the truth is, you... 286 00:13:39,468 --> 00:13:43,121 you've got your own wings now. 287 00:13:44,069 --> 00:13:46,761 Since you and Robin split, you've been gestating. 288 00:13:48,238 --> 00:13:50,222 Growing in your cocoon. 289 00:13:51,048 --> 00:13:54,791 And last night... ... you burst out of that cocoon 290 00:13:54,946 --> 00:13:58,343 like a... like a majestic, uh... 291 00:13:59,017 --> 00:14:01,641 Gosh, what is it that comes out of a cocoon? 292 00:14:01,678 --> 00:14:03,744 I was always bad at science. 293 00:14:03,819 --> 00:14:05,672 He's going to say it! 294 00:14:06,237 --> 00:14:07,262 A butterfly? 295 00:14:09,867 --> 00:14:11,794 - What? - Nothing, buddy. 296 00:14:12,826 --> 00:14:14,631 Ow! Why did that hurt so...? 297 00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:20,833 Oh, my God! 298 00:14:23,769 --> 00:14:26,214 - I have a tattoo! - Oh, that's not a tattoo. 299 00:14:26,267 --> 00:14:28,874 That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp. 300 00:14:28,988 --> 00:14:30,294 A tramp stamp. 301 00:14:30,367 --> 00:14:33,774 You know, a ho tag. Ass antlers. 302 00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:36,252 A Panama City license plate. 303 00:14:36,689 --> 00:14:38,632 And suddenly, it all came back to me. 304 00:14:39,047 --> 00:14:39,924 ... dary! 305 00:14:40,178 --> 00:14:41,324 Legendary! 306 00:14:43,648 --> 00:14:46,133 Man, I am so winning this breakup. 307 00:14:47,959 --> 00:14:50,181 I just broke up with my boyfriend Steve. 308 00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:51,442 He was totally annoying. 309 00:14:51,456 --> 00:14:53,813 He was, like, "I think you're the one, I want to marry you. " 310 00:14:53,877 --> 00:14:54,883 What a wuss. 311 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,161 Do you think exes can be friends? 312 00:14:58,259 --> 00:15:02,092 Yeah, sure. I mean, we're still friends, right, Steve? 313 00:15:03,166 --> 00:15:05,272 Hey, your name is Steve. 314 00:15:05,667 --> 00:15:07,741 And her ex-boyfriend's name is Steve. 315 00:15:08,669 --> 00:15:10,394 What are the odds of that...? 316 00:15:10,838 --> 00:15:11,674 Wait. 317 00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,342 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 318 00:15:16,397 --> 00:15:17,534 Give me this. 319 00:15:18,738 --> 00:15:22,151 - Oh, yeah, that'll get it out. - Maybe you should try club soda. 320 00:15:23,206 --> 00:15:26,252 Damn it, it really hurts. I need, like, some ointment or something. 321 00:15:27,626 --> 00:15:29,431 Spanish massage oil. 322 00:15:31,568 --> 00:15:33,302 Spanish massage oil? 323 00:15:36,416 --> 00:15:38,512 What happened here last night? 324 00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,972 Last night got weird. 325 00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:12,113 Feel the emotions release. 326 00:16:12,869 --> 00:16:16,254 Think I just got over being chunky in the ninth grade. 327 00:16:17,806 --> 00:16:19,413 You're beautiful. 328 00:16:20,668 --> 00:16:21,942 I am beautiful. 329 00:16:24,639 --> 00:16:27,163 Experience your food. 330 00:16:31,716 --> 00:16:33,041 Try the mango. 331 00:16:37,359 --> 00:16:39,011 Okay, that's enough of the fruit. 332 00:16:40,186 --> 00:16:42,983 We're sorry, Ted. It'll never happen again. 333 00:16:43,067 --> 00:16:44,208 It meant nothing to us. 334 00:16:44,209 --> 00:16:46,342 It just felt really, really, really good. 335 00:16:47,346 --> 00:16:50,063 I can't even look at you two right now. 336 00:16:53,757 --> 00:16:56,032 He got a tramp stamp. 337 00:17:05,529 --> 00:17:08,183 All right, first of all, this isn't one of those, 338 00:17:08,216 --> 00:17:10,551 "I came all the way over here because I want you back" things. 339 00:17:10,788 --> 00:17:12,854 There'll be no startling confession of love, 340 00:17:13,036 --> 00:17:15,753 no sweet indie rock song that swells up we're about to kiss, 341 00:17:15,776 --> 00:17:17,394 - none of that crap. Got it? - Okay. 342 00:17:17,497 --> 00:17:19,012 Good. Now, here's the thing. 343 00:17:19,947 --> 00:17:21,748 It sucks that you came back from Argentina 344 00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:23,131 with someone as awesome as Gael. 345 00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:25,283 And I know I have no right to be upset at you. 346 00:17:25,307 --> 00:17:27,242 We're broken up, life goes on, whatever. 347 00:17:27,278 --> 00:17:29,033 But you know what? We-We never did this. 348 00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:32,284 We-We had this polite breakup with no irrational yelling, and... 349 00:17:32,316 --> 00:17:33,423 and that's just wrong! 350 00:17:33,456 --> 00:17:36,262 So, I'm going to yell irrationally for a little while, 351 00:17:36,317 --> 00:17:38,671 and you're just going to have to stand there and deal with it, okay? 352 00:17:38,719 --> 00:17:41,542 - If you feel like you need to do that... - I think I do! 353 00:17:41,606 --> 00:17:44,613 I really think I do! So now I'm yelling! 354 00:17:46,787 --> 00:17:48,092 - You shaved. - I did! 355 00:17:48,187 --> 00:17:49,842 - I liked the beard. - I liked it, too, 356 00:17:49,857 --> 00:17:51,312 but it was getting kind of hot! 357 00:17:51,346 --> 00:17:53,643 Maybe in the winter, I'll grow it back out! 358 00:17:56,286 --> 00:17:57,362 Okay, I'm done. 359 00:17:58,299 --> 00:18:00,711 I know it was weird showing up with Gael. 360 00:18:01,396 --> 00:18:02,394 I'm sorry. 361 00:18:04,377 --> 00:18:07,103 Look, us breaking up, it was the right thing. 362 00:18:07,679 --> 00:18:09,833 But it took some time to get over you, you know? 363 00:18:09,848 --> 00:18:11,611 I-I'm still getting over you. 364 00:18:11,806 --> 00:18:14,024 But you? You were over it the minute they started the in-flight movie. 365 00:18:14,047 --> 00:18:14,943 Over it?! 366 00:18:15,408 --> 00:18:18,654 My first three days in Argentina, I cried my eyes out. 367 00:18:19,158 --> 00:18:20,903 I missed you so much. 368 00:18:21,508 --> 00:18:25,341 I wanted to go and prove how adventurous I am, but the truth is... 369 00:18:25,559 --> 00:18:27,114 it was really lonely. 370 00:18:27,447 --> 00:18:29,493 And that's why Gael happened. 371 00:18:30,806 --> 00:18:32,931 You weren't trying to win the breakup? 372 00:18:33,188 --> 00:18:34,874 I was trying to survive it. 373 00:18:39,136 --> 00:18:41,321 See, look, that all sounds good, 374 00:18:41,358 --> 00:18:43,753 and we'll still be friends and move on, but... 375 00:18:44,186 --> 00:18:45,894 did he have to be so hot? 376 00:18:46,089 --> 00:18:48,582 - The guy's an Adonis. - He's not an Adonis. 377 00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:52,662 He's the Cadillac of rebound guys. Marshall has a crush on him! 378 00:18:52,857 --> 00:18:54,371 - The guy's perfect. - He's not perfect. 379 00:18:54,397 --> 00:18:56,424 Oh, come on. He's hot, 380 00:18:56,476 --> 00:18:59,563 he wind surfs, he massages things. 381 00:18:59,669 --> 00:19:01,902 Name one way I'm better than that guy. 382 00:19:02,756 --> 00:19:03,702 You're bigger. 383 00:19:03,797 --> 00:19:06,394 Don't patronize me. If anything, he may even be a little bit taller. 384 00:19:06,449 --> 00:19:09,151 No. Ted... you're bigger. 385 00:19:10,778 --> 00:19:11,541 I win! 386 00:19:13,038 --> 00:19:15,401 Kids, I can't remember exactly what helped me get through 387 00:19:15,417 --> 00:19:17,283 the whole Robin-Gael incident. 388 00:19:17,446 --> 00:19:20,542 I'm sure that it was something profound and meaningful, 389 00:19:20,649 --> 00:19:23,274 and not at all macho and petty, 390 00:19:23,508 --> 00:19:26,004 but after that, I was back on my feet. 391 00:19:26,417 --> 00:19:28,751 And what followed was a new era in my life, 392 00:19:28,816 --> 00:19:31,054 a crazy time unlike anything that ce before. 393 00:19:31,908 --> 00:19:34,061 It's funny looking back at those days, 394 00:19:34,266 --> 00:19:36,981 knowing now exactly what I was heading towards. 395 00:19:37,736 --> 00:19:39,894 And what was heading towards me. 396 00:19:51,168 --> 00:19:52,322 Go for Barney. 397 00:19:52,389 --> 00:19:54,314 Hey, man, it's Marshall. 398 00:19:54,578 --> 00:19:57,062 Check your e-mail. Sent you something. 399 00:19:57,670 --> 00:19:59,733 - What is it? - Just a new Web site. 400 00:20:00,327 --> 00:20:02,174 Slapcountdown. com. 401 00:20:05,909 --> 00:20:07,154 What does this mean? 402 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:09,334 Ma-Marshall? 403 00:20:17,808 --> 00:20:18,715 No. 404 00:20:20,358 --> 00:20:25,043 No!