1
00:00:05,228 --> 00:00:07,223
I booked a sketch artist,
an improve troupe,

2
00:00:07,348 --> 00:00:09,982
there'll be a laser projecting
a burning pelvis onto the ceiling.

3
00:00:10,107 --> 00:00:11,117
A laser!

4
00:00:11,285 --> 00:00:14,283
This isn't gonna be your mom sexually
transmitted disease awareness fair.

5
00:00:15,287 --> 00:00:17,157
You've been quite the little helper.

6
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:19,375
STD fair, guys.
Catch knowledge.

7
00:00:28,659 --> 00:00:30,136
You think you're better?

8
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:32,660
You stick to quotin' movie lines.

9
00:00:32,785 --> 00:00:35,350
- I'll stick to sports.
- I'm trying to reduce my pop-cultural.

10
00:00:35,605 --> 00:00:37,221
You're not moving into sports.

11
00:00:38,234 --> 00:00:40,955
You and I are playing
real basketball, right now.

12
00:00:41,988 --> 00:00:43,523
- Sounds fun.
- No, it doesn't!

13
00:00:44,458 --> 00:00:45,693
And it won't be.

14
00:00:45,861 --> 00:00:48,154
- Catch knowledge.
- Sorry, not interested...

15
00:00:48,383 --> 00:00:50,923
In ignoring your
very important cause.

16
00:00:51,179 --> 00:00:52,408
Hi, I'm Jeff Winger.

17
00:00:52,988 --> 00:00:54,997
Sabrina is my new secretary.

18
00:00:55,122 --> 00:00:57,615
"Secretary" is a little
degrading to women.

19
00:00:57,894 --> 00:01:00,725
- I help the dean do <i>officey</i> things.
- Gender saved.

20
00:01:01,590 --> 00:01:04,632
My casual friend and I are gonna have
a non-romantic breakfast

21
00:01:04,757 --> 00:01:07,578
- if you'd like to join us.
- The cafeteria's closed .

22
00:01:07,703 --> 00:01:09,381
- Fortune cookie?
- Isn't it great?

23
00:01:09,506 --> 00:01:11,765
Greendale is the latest campus
to catch a case

24
00:01:11,890 --> 00:01:13,304
of public health fever!

25
00:01:13,591 --> 00:01:16,628
You know the toilets in
the women's bathrooms don't have seats?

26
00:01:17,621 --> 00:01:20,513
Because they keep getting stolen.
Sabrina, take a note.

27
00:01:20,638 --> 00:01:23,022
I want hidden cameras
in every stall.

28
00:01:23,753 --> 00:01:25,176
Problem solved.

29
00:01:25,790 --> 00:01:27,799
- "You will get aids."
- Flip it over.

30
00:01:29,436 --> 00:01:32,907
- "Unless you go to the STD fair."
- I wrote that.

31
00:01:34,131 --> 00:01:35,660
Congratu...
Horrible!

32
00:01:37,182 --> 00:01:39,652
See you later.
Catch knowledge.

33
00:01:48,356 --> 00:01:49,340
We are friends?

34
00:01:51,426 --> 00:01:53,986
You may have noticed
a recent change in my...

35
00:01:54,279 --> 00:01:55,388
- demeanor.
- No.

36
00:01:55,556 --> 00:01:57,140
Well, I have a new girlfriend.

37
00:01:57,526 --> 00:02:01,144
And she is super smart,
if you know what I mean.

38
00:02:01,312 --> 00:02:04,188
- I always know what you mean.
- Can't wait for you to meet her.

39
00:02:04,601 --> 00:02:06,247
When you catch a big fish,

40
00:02:06,372 --> 00:02:08,731
you want to stuff her
and put her on the mantle.

41
00:02:10,359 --> 00:02:12,280
- How'bout tonight?
- I doubt it.

42
00:02:12,721 --> 00:02:15,264
- We played basketball. It was fun.
- Don't gloat.

43
00:02:15,389 --> 00:02:16,911
It's impossible to guard you.

44
00:02:17,036 --> 00:02:19,274
Your eyes are too gentle
and mysterious.

45
00:02:20,670 --> 00:02:23,875
Jeff and I are double-dating tonight
with my new girlfriend.

46
00:02:26,004 --> 00:02:29,172
- You got that from "I doubt it"?
- Pierce has got a girlfriend!

47
00:02:29,963 --> 00:02:32,508
- That's great. What does she do?
- She's an escort.

48
00:02:34,386 --> 00:02:36,137
Some mysteries solve themselves, no?

49
00:02:36,456 --> 00:02:39,028
That's just her profession.
She doesn't escort me.

50
00:02:40,469 --> 00:02:42,018
I met her in my marketing class.

51
00:02:42,689 --> 00:02:45,104
And I'm taking doreen
to annie's mixer tonight.

52
00:02:45,272 --> 00:02:47,648
You mean the STD fair.
Catch knowledge.

53
00:02:47,816 --> 00:02:49,944
Taking a call girl to an STD fair.

54
00:02:50,781 --> 00:02:51,928
There's a joke here.

55
00:02:52,262 --> 00:02:54,614
Dust off that black book
and rustle up a honey.

56
00:02:55,018 --> 00:02:58,242
Is there a pill that
makes the word "no" clearer?

57
00:02:58,410 --> 00:03:01,078
it is pretty short notice.
Probably couldn't get a date anyway.

58
00:03:03,473 --> 00:03:04,749
I'm sure you're right.

59
00:03:06,653 --> 00:03:10,008
Maybe it has something to do with crabs.
They're like a food, but also a disease.

60
00:03:10,133 --> 00:03:12,502
You know, I wonder,
for all your feather flashing,

61
00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:14,550
when was the last time
you actually scored?

62
00:03:14,838 --> 00:03:16,345
I don't know the precise date,

63
00:03:16,470 --> 00:03:18,724
'cause I'm not you,
so there's no receipt.

64
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:22,808
Come on.

65
00:03:22,976 --> 00:03:26,312
You shouldn't take potshots at some
poor woman 'cause you can't get a date.

66
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,746
I can get dates anytime I want.

67
00:03:29,618 --> 00:03:32,511
- What is this, some kind of joke?
- No. This is.

68
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:34,611
"Don't eat the crab dip."

69
00:03:38,571 --> 00:03:41,421
You hear that, Annie?
That's the sound of STD's screaming,

70
00:03:41,546 --> 00:03:43,871
"no! Stop being so aware of us!"

71
00:03:45,843 --> 00:03:47,250
And it's all thanks to you.

72
00:03:47,418 --> 00:03:50,378
I was voted most likely
to succeed at my rehab clinic.

73
00:03:50,625 --> 00:03:53,192
Well, in recognition
of all your hard work,

74
00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:56,130
I have decided that you
should conduct

75
00:03:56,255 --> 00:03:57,856
the condom demonstration.

76
00:03:57,981 --> 00:04:00,846
You're gonna be center stage
showing everyone

77
00:04:01,014 --> 00:04:02,584
how to put a condom on a,

78
00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:05,142
what my dad called a Jimmy Carter.

79
00:04:06,687 --> 00:04:10,176
- Am I the right person for that?
- Don't worry, not a real one.

80
00:04:10,301 --> 00:04:12,994
No, it's an anatomically
correct model, you know.

81
00:04:13,777 --> 00:04:16,677
But trust me, eyes closed,
you can't tell the difference.

82
00:04:26,873 --> 00:04:27,957
It's Jeff Winger.

83
00:04:30,027 --> 00:04:32,194
I wanted to see
what you were doing tonight.

84
00:04:33,750 --> 00:04:35,359
Do I know your name?

85
00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:37,821
What kind of a question is that?
Of course I know.

86
00:04:38,587 --> 00:04:40,469
Well, if I answer now,

87
00:04:40,637 --> 00:04:42,798
you'll never learn
a valuable lesson about trust,

88
00:04:48,219 --> 00:04:49,852
Pierce really got to you, huh?

89
00:04:50,981 --> 00:04:52,262
It has been a dry spell.

90
00:04:52,387 --> 00:04:54,686
That's only 'cause it's
been a while since I've tried.

91
00:04:54,811 --> 00:04:57,040
- I'm trying.
- I can see that.

92
00:04:57,165 --> 00:04:59,405
This is a lot of outgoing calls.

93
00:04:59,842 --> 00:05:03,325
"Car wash redhead.
Tube top, REM Concert.

94
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:06,078
Juror number six."
That sounds aboveboard.

95
00:05:06,203 --> 00:05:08,831
- At least you have "mommy" in here.
- It's not my mom.

96
00:05:09,124 --> 00:05:10,826
Dude, not cool.

97
00:05:11,384 --> 00:05:13,505
You saying "dude" is not cool.

98
00:05:14,761 --> 00:05:16,133
What are you doing?

99
00:05:17,619 --> 00:05:19,383
"Hot blonde, spanish class"?

100
00:05:19,838 --> 00:05:22,782
- You're welcome.
- This is the phone book 20s' man.

101
00:05:22,907 --> 00:05:25,210
The women literally have
no identities.

102
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:26,807
It's pretty shallow.

103
00:05:27,531 --> 00:05:28,577
You're right.

104
00:05:29,398 --> 00:05:31,312
I can't believe I haven't
seen it before.

105
00:05:31,952 --> 00:05:34,226
Whatever.
I'm gonna go study with Shirley.

106
00:05:34,608 --> 00:05:37,151
I'll be here...
Rethinking my way of life.

107
00:05:42,591 --> 00:05:43,958
<i>Call mommy.</i>

108
00:05:44,687 --> 00:05:46,869
Guys...
I have a problem.

109
00:05:48,456 --> 00:05:51,518
The dean wants me to demonstrate
the proper use of a condom

110
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:54,187
at the stupid fair by putting one
on a mannequin's stupid...

111
00:05:54,577 --> 00:05:55,693
<i>Thingamabob.</i>

112
00:05:56,866 --> 00:05:58,394
It's a big honor...

113
00:05:59,473 --> 00:06:02,644
- But I'm gonna screw it up.
- Well, it's easy enough to practice.

114
00:06:02,769 --> 00:06:04,095
Do you've a banana?

115
00:06:04,263 --> 00:06:07,720
This is an anatomically
correct model I'll be handling.

116
00:06:08,052 --> 00:06:08,833
Real...

117
00:06:09,210 --> 00:06:11,429
Whatchamacallits...
Are nothing like bananas!

118
00:06:12,357 --> 00:06:13,104
No?

119
00:06:14,662 --> 00:06:17,650
- Have you never seen one?
- Annie...

120
00:06:18,068 --> 00:06:20,694
Being a virgin in this day and age
is something to be proud of.

121
00:06:20,819 --> 00:06:23,945
- You're like a unicorn.
- I am not a unicorn.

122
00:06:25,435 --> 00:06:28,160
I had relations
with my high school boyfriend.

123
00:06:28,328 --> 00:06:31,699
We did it to <i>Madonna's erotica</i>
on the floor of his walk-in closet.

124
00:06:31,824 --> 00:06:33,687
But he wouldn't let me look at it.

125
00:06:34,835 --> 00:06:37,291
And he cried after.
And during.

126
00:06:38,682 --> 00:06:41,215
- He's gay now.
- I think he was gay then.

127
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:44,039
So you, uh, you never seen one
when you were growing up?

128
00:06:44,164 --> 00:06:47,179
Like, you know, on the internet,
in a picture, or Harvey Keitel's?

129
00:06:47,347 --> 00:06:50,719
I've caught glimpses, I've never got
a real good look at one.

130
00:06:51,975 --> 00:06:53,207
What I need to do

131
00:06:53,332 --> 00:06:56,689
is practice on the actual model,
but the dean has put it in his office.

132
00:06:56,857 --> 00:06:59,191
That's easy enough.
We'll go to him and ask him...

133
00:07:00,484 --> 00:07:03,526
This is really embarrassing.
I don't want anyone to know.

134
00:07:03,651 --> 00:07:06,484
I just want to figure out how to do it
and get it over with.

135
00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:08,544
The dean is counting on me,

136
00:07:08,669 --> 00:07:10,995
and I want him to know that
I'm someone he can trust.

137
00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:14,719
We've to break into his office.

138
00:07:16,412 --> 00:07:19,124
- I actually have no problem with that.
- I think I could do that.

139
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:30,598
I was just going into the fair
to wait for my smokin'- hot date.

140
00:07:30,919 --> 00:07:32,454
- That's nice.
- How'bout you?

141
00:07:32,579 --> 00:07:34,327
Were you ever able to, you know,

142
00:07:34,452 --> 00:07:36,228
come up with a, you know, date?

143
00:07:37,134 --> 00:07:38,688
No, because I didn't try.

144
00:07:38,813 --> 00:07:41,609
Because taking a date
to an STD fair would be lame.

145
00:07:41,777 --> 00:07:43,119
Don't worry about it, kid.

146
00:07:43,244 --> 00:07:45,779
What you're going through
is a dry spell. From my experience,

147
00:07:45,904 --> 00:07:48,605
they don't last any more
than 12, 13 years.

148
00:07:49,910 --> 00:07:50,842
Excuse me.

149
00:07:52,496 --> 00:07:55,010
WHEEL OF REMORSE

150
00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:57,395
No, syphilis.

151
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,342
Please, no, syphilis.

152
00:08:00,658 --> 00:08:01,872
It burns!

153
00:08:02,556 --> 00:08:04,840
Gross. Dean, your assistant.

154
00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:07,112
Is she single?
What are her likes and dislikes?

155
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:10,268
Yes on single.
She likes hip-hop and horses.

156
00:08:10,393 --> 00:08:12,348
Dislikes beards and...
I was done talking.

157
00:08:16,277 --> 00:08:20,212
Is it me, or are horses
the most beautiful creatures?

158
00:08:20,576 --> 00:08:23,095
- They're so majestic.
- Totally.

159
00:08:23,220 --> 00:08:26,331
Just this morning when I was shaving
and listening to the new Jay-z,

160
00:08:26,668 --> 00:08:29,406
I was thinking about how
I want to squeeze in a quick gallop .

161
00:08:29,762 --> 00:08:31,179
Do you own a horse?

162
00:08:32,268 --> 00:08:34,662
Can you ever really own a horse?

163
00:08:39,785 --> 00:08:40,971
This is sabrina.

164
00:08:41,096 --> 00:08:42,897
About 30 seconds after
you walked away,

165
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,422
I asked her to be my date for the fair,
and she said yes.

166
00:08:45,827 --> 00:08:48,341
- You must have a great personality.
- Thank you.

167
00:08:48,466 --> 00:08:50,214
Congratulations,
You proved me wrong.

168
00:08:50,339 --> 00:08:52,179
- You got a girl.
- Yeah, I did.

169
00:08:53,071 --> 00:08:55,099
This is Doreen.
Ready for our double date?

170
00:08:55,267 --> 00:08:57,606
Yes, I am.
Wait, how'd you do that?

171
00:09:01,881 --> 00:09:03,960
Is this the best
safe sex fair or what?

172
00:09:04,651 --> 00:09:06,152
Check out these condoms.

173
00:09:06,277 --> 00:09:08,935
All along the side
it says "Greendale"!

174
00:09:09,060 --> 00:09:11,323
Exclamation point, my idea.

175
00:09:14,729 --> 00:09:17,155
Me in a dune buggy.
With syphilis.

176
00:09:18,415 --> 00:09:19,846
This is going on the fridge.

177
00:09:20,223 --> 00:09:22,501
Look how gorgeous Doreen is tonight.

178
00:09:24,713 --> 00:09:25,508
Can we...

179
00:09:25,751 --> 00:09:28,067
Let's lay out our plans
for the evening.

180
00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:30,582
You wing man me,
I wing man you.

181
00:09:30,707 --> 00:09:33,103
Maybe we split up
for a little hoo-ha.

182
00:09:33,869 --> 00:09:37,057
And then meet in the morning
for eggs and...

183
00:09:37,390 --> 00:09:38,390
Details.

184
00:09:38,715 --> 00:09:41,259
That sounds like the worst
combination plate ever.

185
00:09:45,187 --> 00:09:47,420
I can't believe you beat me again!

186
00:09:48,285 --> 00:09:49,813
You want my stuffed animal?

187
00:09:52,248 --> 00:09:53,545
We're arm wrestling.

188
00:09:55,494 --> 00:09:57,782
Like Stallone in <i>over the top.</i>
I'm not sure of all the rules.

189
00:09:57,907 --> 00:10:01,790
- We need a semi truck and a son?
- The rules are you suck! Let's go!

190
00:10:03,626 --> 00:10:06,451
I wanna wait for a more inspiring song.
This score isn't right.

191
00:10:07,095 --> 00:10:08,097
There we go.

192
00:10:41,218 --> 00:10:42,874
You broke my hand, you bastard.

193
00:10:58,566 --> 00:11:01,351
- I can't do anything with this.
- Let me see that.

194
00:11:04,261 --> 00:11:06,111
I can see through the door.

195
00:11:08,471 --> 00:11:09,859
Thar she blows.

196
00:11:10,343 --> 00:11:11,597
I wanna see!

197
00:11:15,656 --> 00:11:16,658
I need to see.

198
00:11:20,133 --> 00:11:21,153
It's okay.

199
00:11:29,378 --> 00:11:31,795
I had it wrong!

200
00:11:33,635 --> 00:11:35,897
- Is that considered large?
- Yes.

201
00:11:39,096 --> 00:11:41,516
What in the reverse porky's
is going on here?

202
00:11:43,986 --> 00:11:46,376
You know,
Doreen speaks six languages.

203
00:11:46,658 --> 00:11:49,107
You should hear her
order wine in French.

204
00:11:49,357 --> 00:11:52,123
Honey,
say caber-net sauv-a-gong-da-nun.

205
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:55,288
- Pierce, you're embarrassing me.
- You know a lot about wine?

206
00:11:55,455 --> 00:11:58,616
 I did have a client
who owned a vineyard in Napa.

207
00:11:59,015 --> 00:12:02,787
He was into S&M and Merlot,
so we called it S&M&M.

208
00:12:04,905 --> 00:12:06,999
Honey, you're boring the crap
out of Jeff.

209
00:12:08,084 --> 00:12:10,331
Be right back.
I have to make tinkles.

210
00:12:11,837 --> 00:12:14,046
Then, I'm gonna go
get us another round.

211
00:12:16,717 --> 00:12:20,034
You are not what I expected.
You're smart, you're classy.

212
00:12:20,303 --> 00:12:22,724
- You're not wearing go-go boots.
- They're in the shop.

213
00:12:23,698 --> 00:12:25,338
Despite what most people think,

214
00:12:25,505 --> 00:12:27,904
I actually spend
most of my time talking.

215
00:12:29,277 --> 00:12:31,197
As men get older,
they wanna spend their time

216
00:12:31,364 --> 00:12:33,484
with someone they can have
a real conversation with.

217
00:12:33,804 --> 00:12:35,153
That is going to suck.

218
00:12:35,403 --> 00:12:36,810
"Going to", Jeff?

219
00:12:37,478 --> 00:12:38,656
Sabrina's cute,

220
00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:42,910
but she thinks that Monty Python
is the evil snake from Harry Potter.

221
00:12:43,338 --> 00:12:46,956
I know girls I can converse with
who are way more annoying.

222
00:12:47,260 --> 00:12:50,418
I will take "tinkles"
over "we need to talk" every time.

223
00:12:52,650 --> 00:12:56,189
- Ready to show me that Lexus?
- I thought you'd never ask.

224
00:13:00,674 --> 00:13:02,138
It was very nice to meet you.

225
00:13:02,855 --> 00:13:04,015
You can do better.

226
00:13:11,441 --> 00:13:12,441
Here.

227
00:13:12,869 --> 00:13:15,485
They already left?
What a couple of nincompoops!

228
00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:18,857
Before I buy dinner,
I have to ask...

229
00:13:19,405 --> 00:13:21,669
Is there any lovemaking
on the table?

230
00:13:22,693 --> 00:13:23,893
We're through.

231
00:13:24,664 --> 00:13:27,685
I'm gonna go to the bar,
and you can join me if you'd like.

232
00:13:27,852 --> 00:13:30,292
And we can still have
a lovely evening.

233
00:13:30,459 --> 00:13:32,335
But it will cost you 200 bucks.

234
00:13:39,940 --> 00:13:41,862
That is a pretty big discount.

235
00:13:57,790 --> 00:14:00,649
I had no idea alcohol
would make people horny.

236
00:14:01,092 --> 00:14:02,301
Makes me sleepy.

237
00:14:04,064 --> 00:14:06,734
We have a 597 currently
going on in your office.

238
00:14:06,901 --> 00:14:07,905
A 597?

239
00:14:08,322 --> 00:14:11,053
There's a dog-fighting ring
in my office?

240
00:14:13,150 --> 00:14:16,170
I'm just gonna turn him around,
and we're gonna cover him up.

241
00:14:16,861 --> 00:14:18,690
Ladies, I am shocked

242
00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:21,175
at the reverse porky's
that has happened here tonight.

243
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:25,012
I don't see what the big deal is.
Annie needed to look at the pe...

244
00:14:26,644 --> 00:14:28,478
The "p" word has entered into play.

245
00:14:28,645 --> 00:14:32,061
That's exactly why I wanted Gail,
our school counselor,

246
00:14:32,311 --> 00:14:34,230
and Monique, who's keeping record,

247
00:14:34,654 --> 00:14:37,859
to ensure we discuss these topics
in a legally appropriate manner.

248
00:14:38,249 --> 00:14:40,192
Everyone should say penis

249
00:14:40,359 --> 00:14:42,956
so we can take away
the negative power of the word.

250
00:14:43,366 --> 00:14:44,666
So, everybody...

251
00:14:45,304 --> 00:14:47,160
- Penis.
- She didn't say it.

252
00:14:47,643 --> 00:14:50,597
Now, why did you break in
to see the penis?

253
00:14:51,531 --> 00:14:54,028
I really do feel more comfortable
saying that now, Gail.

254
00:14:54,195 --> 00:14:56,524
I just want to focus on the girl

255
00:14:57,267 --> 00:14:58,796
who won't say penis.

256
00:15:08,054 --> 00:15:11,434
This is a judgment-free zone,
so express yourself.

257
00:15:15,934 --> 00:15:17,046
You know what...

258
00:15:18,245 --> 00:15:20,902
I don't want to express myself.

259
00:15:22,014 --> 00:15:24,572
I don't want to sit in
a room full of people

260
00:15:26,013 --> 00:15:28,618
and say the "p" word.
I like being repressed.

261
00:15:28,868 --> 00:15:31,508
I am totally comfortable
being uncomfortable

262
00:15:31,675 --> 00:15:33,039
with my sexuality.

263
00:15:33,622 --> 00:15:35,501
And maybe, just maybe,

264
00:15:35,908 --> 00:15:38,107
if everyone were
a little bit more like me,

265
00:15:38,274 --> 00:15:41,005
we wouldn't have
to have an STD fair.

266
00:15:41,255 --> 00:15:43,341
- You go, girl!
- That's my pumpkin!

267
00:15:46,066 --> 00:15:48,387
By the way,
now that I've gotten a good look at one,

268
00:15:48,637 --> 00:15:50,477
I don't see
what all the fuss was about.

269
00:15:51,115 --> 00:15:53,093
A giant thumb in a turtleneck.

270
00:16:03,782 --> 00:16:06,049
You a really awesome body.

271
00:16:06,564 --> 00:16:09,238
- You probably hear that all the time.
- Not as much as I should.

272
00:16:12,117 --> 00:16:12,995
Professor...

273
00:16:15,134 --> 00:16:16,134
What?

274
00:16:16,786 --> 00:16:17,875
I'm not a professor.

275
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:21,337
But you're at Greendale...
And you're old.

276
00:16:22,262 --> 00:16:23,214
I'm a student.

277
00:16:24,004 --> 00:16:24,840
Yikers.

278
00:16:25,237 --> 00:16:27,051
Pretty much yikers for me too.

279
00:16:29,664 --> 00:16:33,050
I guess I can make an exception...
Professor.

280
00:16:40,653 --> 00:16:41,654
You know...

281
00:16:43,347 --> 00:16:45,028
- I can't do this.
- What?

282
00:16:45,694 --> 00:16:47,500
- This is your car.
- Keep it.

283
00:16:57,456 --> 00:17:00,145
How you like those apples?

284
00:17:00,312 --> 00:17:01,699
I don't like those apples.

285
00:17:02,432 --> 00:17:03,507
I'm so upset.

286
00:17:04,063 --> 00:17:06,182
It was just a fluke
I won those other games.

287
00:17:10,753 --> 00:17:14,181
This may be the only STD fair
to actually spread STDs.

288
00:17:14,431 --> 00:17:15,601
Shut up, Ben!

289
00:17:16,177 --> 00:17:18,144
Condom water balloon fight!

290
00:17:23,871 --> 00:17:25,071
What the hell?

291
00:17:25,709 --> 00:17:26,777
These are leaking.

292
00:17:29,321 --> 00:17:31,610
That's why you don't print things
on condoms.

293
00:17:32,199 --> 00:17:34,744
Everyone's getting preggers,
and it's all your fault.

294
00:17:36,870 --> 00:17:37,747
I love it!

295
00:17:45,041 --> 00:17:46,431
All the condoms are faulty.

296
00:17:46,851 --> 00:17:50,259
As the best athlete on campus,
I need you to run to my office

297
00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:52,553
and make an announcement
before everyone leaves.

298
00:17:55,184 --> 00:17:57,600
I am not the best athlete on campus.

299
00:17:59,596 --> 00:18:00,622
Abed is.

300
00:18:01,911 --> 00:18:04,482
- I know you let me win the race.
- But you didn't say anything.

301
00:18:04,732 --> 00:18:05,907
That's because...

302
00:18:06,982 --> 00:18:08,402
I wanted it to be true.

303
00:18:09,127 --> 00:18:11,327
- You're a really good friend.
- No, Abed...

304
00:18:14,726 --> 00:18:16,243
- You are.
- Run!

305
00:18:18,871 --> 00:18:22,161
Go, Abed, go,
before people sex one another!

306
00:18:27,433 --> 00:18:28,381
There he is.

307
00:18:29,044 --> 00:18:30,883
Back already.
Detail time?

308
00:18:31,256 --> 00:18:32,257
I stopped.

309
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:35,433
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I mean, she's hot.

310
00:18:36,137 --> 00:18:38,349
I think this place is
sapping my life force.

311
00:18:38,599 --> 00:18:40,623
It's not Greendale, Jeff, it's you.

312
00:18:41,179 --> 00:18:42,603
You're becoming more mature.

313
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:44,685
A man reaches a point in his life

314
00:18:44,852 --> 00:18:48,202
where he stops looking for a place
to hang his underwear

315
00:18:48,534 --> 00:18:50,778
and starts looking for a place
to hang his hat.

316
00:18:52,777 --> 00:18:56,040
I'm sorry, I was waiting for that
to become inappropriate or racist.

317
00:18:56,784 --> 00:18:58,159
What happened to Doreen?

318
00:19:00,730 --> 00:19:03,040
She said if I wanted to continue
the night I'd have to pay.

319
00:19:04,927 --> 00:19:05,918
That is rough.

320
00:19:06,168 --> 00:19:07,733
No, it was a wake-up call.

321
00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:10,256
Doreen's a very special lady.
I did not treat her right.

322
00:19:11,071 --> 00:19:12,466
I have stuff to work on.

323
00:19:13,395 --> 00:19:14,635
You'll get there.

324
00:19:16,671 --> 00:19:17,980
We're both gonna get there.

325
00:19:20,619 --> 00:19:21,934
Here's to being better men.

326
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:24,871
Cheers.

327
00:19:26,711 --> 00:19:28,491
So could I borrow 200 bucks?

328
00:19:31,803 --> 00:19:33,445
Tell Doreen I say hi.

329
00:19:35,406 --> 00:19:38,089
You know, for 220 I can get the...

330
00:19:38,256 --> 00:19:40,369
I'll give you 250
if you don't finish telling me.

331
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,210
I can get it twice.

332
00:19:43,330 --> 00:19:45,196
College. Best years of our lives.

333
00:20:15,091 --> 00:20:16,798
<i>Attention, greendale students.</i>

334
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,035
<i>Don't use the condoms!</i>

335
00:20:19,449 --> 00:20:21,321
<i>If you're going to have sex tonight,</i>

336
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:23,455
<i>don't use condoms.</i>

337
00:20:29,759 --> 00:20:32,598
The characteristic of an asset
to donate or accept a proton

338
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:35,101
cannot be quantified
for individual species.

339
00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:37,581
Comparing
two donor/acceptor systems,

340
00:20:37,817 --> 00:20:42,044
the proton transposition HA+H2O...

341
00:21:01,506 --> 00:21:03,077
You would give a glass of water?