1
00:00:04,673 --> 00:00:06,698
So, I booked a sketch artist,
an improv troupe,
2
00:00:06,909 --> 00:00:09,639
and a laser projecting
a burning pelvis onto the ceiling.
3
00:00:09,845 --> 00:00:11,710
A laser? Well, this isn't
gonna be your mother's
4
00:00:11,914 --> 00:00:13,609
sexually transmitted disease
awareness fair.
5
00:00:15,050 --> 00:00:16,847
You've been quite
the little helper, Annie.
6
00:00:17,052 --> 00:00:19,043
STD fair, guys. Catch knowledge.
7
00:00:28,363 --> 00:00:30,456
You think you're better than me?
No.
8
00:00:30,666 --> 00:00:33,226
You stick to quoting movie lines,
I'll stick to sports.
9
00:00:33,435 --> 00:00:37,565
Trying to reduce my referencing.
Well, you're not moving into sports.
10
00:00:37,773 --> 00:00:41,334
You and I are playing
real basketball, right now.
11
00:00:41,543 --> 00:00:43,841
Sounds fun.
No, it doesn't.
12
00:00:44,046 --> 00:00:45,377
And it won't be.
13
00:00:45,581 --> 00:00:47,776
Catch knowledge.
Sorry, not interested
14
00:00:47,983 --> 00:00:50,508
in ignoring your
very important cause.
15
00:00:50,719 --> 00:00:52,414
Hi, I'm Jeff Winger.
16
00:00:52,621 --> 00:00:54,350
Oh, Sabrina is my new secretary.
17
00:00:54,556 --> 00:00:57,286
Secretary is a little
degrading to women.
18
00:00:57,492 --> 00:00:59,119
I help the dean do office-y things.
19
00:00:59,328 --> 00:01:00,920
Oh, gender saved.
20
00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:04,292
My casual friend and I are gonna
have a non-romantic breakfast
21
00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:07,093
if you'd like to join us.
Cafeteria's closed.
22
00:01:07,302 --> 00:01:08,963
Fortune cookie?
Isn't it great?
23
00:01:09,171 --> 00:01:12,971
Greendale is the latest campus to
catch a case of public-health fever.
24
00:01:13,175 --> 00:01:17,009
You know the toilets in the women's
bathrooms don't have seats, right?
25
00:01:17,212 --> 00:01:20,045
Because they keep getting stolen.
Sabrina, take a note.
26
00:01:20,249 --> 00:01:22,717
I want hidden cameras
in every stall.
27
00:01:23,418 --> 00:01:25,181
Problem solved.
28
00:01:25,387 --> 00:01:28,220
"You will get AIDS."
Flip it over.
29
00:01:29,024 --> 00:01:31,049
"Unless you go to the STD fair."
30
00:01:31,693 --> 00:01:33,456
I wrote that.
31
00:01:33,662 --> 00:01:35,323
Congratu... Horrible.
32
00:01:36,765 --> 00:01:38,323
See you later.
33
00:01:38,533 --> 00:01:39,966
Catch knowledge.
34
00:01:46,675 --> 00:01:50,634
Jeff, you and I are friends, right?
Okay.
35
00:01:51,013 --> 00:01:54,141
You may have noticed
a recent change in my demeanor.
36
00:01:54,349 --> 00:01:56,817
I haven't.
Well, I have a new girlfriend.
37
00:01:57,019 --> 00:02:00,819
She is super-smart,
if you know what I mean.
38
00:02:01,023 --> 00:02:03,856
I always know what you mean.
Can't wait for you to meet her.
39
00:02:04,059 --> 00:02:05,754
You know, when you
catch a big fish,
40
00:02:05,961 --> 00:02:09,158
you wanna stuff her
and put her on the mantle.
41
00:02:09,965 --> 00:02:11,956
How about tonight?
I doubt it.
44
00:02:19,474 --> 00:02:23,535
Hey, guys, Jeff and I are double-dating
tonight with my new girlfriend.
45
00:02:23,745 --> 00:02:24,939
Ooh!
46
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:27,013
You got that from "I doubt it"?
47
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:29,342
Pierce has got a girlfriend.
48
00:02:29,551 --> 00:02:30,984
That's great. What does she do?
49
00:02:31,186 --> 00:02:32,175
She's an escort.
50
00:02:32,654 --> 00:02:33,882
Oh.
51
00:02:34,089 --> 00:02:35,818
Some mysteries solve themselves.
52
00:02:36,024 --> 00:02:38,857
No, no, no, that's just her profession.
She doesn't escort me.
53
00:02:39,061 --> 00:02:41,689
No, no. I met her
in my Marketing class.
54
00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:44,790
And I'm taking Doreen
to Annie's mixer tonight.
55
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,332
You mean the STD fair.
Catch knowledge.
56
00:02:47,536 --> 00:02:50,972
Taking a call girl to an STD fair?
There's a joke here.
57
00:02:51,173 --> 00:02:54,301
So, Jeff, dust off that black book
and rustle up a honey, huh?
58
00:02:54,509 --> 00:02:57,342
Is there a pill that makes
the word "no" clearer?
59
00:02:57,546 --> 00:03:00,743
Well, it is pretty short notice.
Probably couldn't get a date anyway.
60
00:03:01,216 --> 00:03:02,877
Ooh.
61
00:03:03,085 --> 00:03:04,416
I'm sure you're right.
62
00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:05,984
Ooh.
63
00:03:06,188 --> 00:03:09,589
Maybe it has something to do with crabs.
They're like a food but also a disease?
64
00:03:09,791 --> 00:03:11,952
I wonder, Jeff,
for all your feather flashing,
65
00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,219
when was the last time
you actually scored?
66
00:03:14,429 --> 00:03:17,091
I don't know the precise date,
Pierce, because I'm not you.
67
00:03:17,299 --> 00:03:19,267
So there's no receipt.
68
00:03:19,468 --> 00:03:21,095
Ooh.
Ehh.
69
00:03:21,503 --> 00:03:22,492
Oh, come on.
70
00:03:22,704 --> 00:03:26,003
Shouldn't take pot shots at some
woman because you can't get a date.
71
00:03:26,208 --> 00:03:28,870
I can get dates any time I want.
72
00:03:29,077 --> 00:03:32,513
What is this, some kind of joke?
No, this is.
73
00:03:32,714 --> 00:03:35,342
"Don't eat the crab dip." Yeah.
74
00:03:37,419 --> 00:03:39,444
Ahh! You hear that, Annie?
75
00:03:39,654 --> 00:03:41,315
That's the sound of
STDs screaming,
76
00:03:41,523 --> 00:03:43,548
"No, stop being so aware of us."
77
00:03:45,394 --> 00:03:46,918
And it's all thanks to you.
78
00:03:47,129 --> 00:03:50,064
I was voted "most likely to succeed"
at my rehab clinic.
79
00:03:50,265 --> 00:03:52,665
Well, in recognition
of all your hard work,
80
00:03:52,868 --> 00:03:57,237
I have decided that you should
conduct the condom demonstration.
81
00:03:57,439 --> 00:04:00,533
You're gonna be center stage
showing everyone
82
00:04:00,742 --> 00:04:02,334
how to put a condom on a, uh...
83
00:04:02,544 --> 00:04:04,808
Well, what my dad called
a Jimmy Carter.
84
00:04:05,247 --> 00:04:08,045
Um, I don't know if
I'm the right person.
85
00:04:08,250 --> 00:04:09,615
Don't worry. Not a real one.
86
00:04:09,818 --> 00:04:12,480
No, it's an anatomically correct
model, you know.
87
00:04:12,687 --> 00:04:16,248
But trust me, eyes closed,
you can't tell the difference.
88
00:04:16,458 --> 00:04:19,291
Mmm. Okay.
89
00:04:26,468 --> 00:04:27,628
Hey, it's Jeff Winger.
90
00:04:29,538 --> 00:04:32,132
Well, I wanted to see
what you were doing tonight.
91
00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:34,501
Do I know your name?
92
00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:37,576
What kind of question is that?
Of course I know.
93
00:04:38,180 --> 00:04:39,704
Well, if I answer now,
94
00:04:39,915 --> 00:04:43,180
you'll never learn
a valuable lesson about trust,
95
00:04:43,385 --> 00:04:45,148
Jennifer.
96
00:04:45,654 --> 00:04:46,916
Crap. Ugh.
97
00:04:47,789 --> 00:04:50,257
Pierce really got to you, huh?
98
00:04:50,692 --> 00:04:55,322
It has been a dry spell. But it's been a
while since I've tried. So I'm trying.
99
00:04:55,530 --> 00:04:59,091
Yeah, I can see that.
This is a lot of outgoing calls.
100
00:04:59,301 --> 00:05:00,928
"Car Wash Redhead."
101
00:05:01,136 --> 00:05:03,229
"Tube Top R.E.M. Concert."
102
00:05:03,438 --> 00:05:05,633
"Juror Number 6."
That sounds above board.
103
00:05:05,841 --> 00:05:08,503
At least you have "Mommy" in here.
That's not my mom.
104
00:05:08,710 --> 00:05:10,701
Dude, not cool.
105
00:05:10,912 --> 00:05:14,040
You saying "dude" is not cool.
106
00:05:14,249 --> 00:05:15,238
What are you doing?
107
00:05:17,185 --> 00:05:19,050
"Hot Blonde Spanish Class"?
108
00:05:19,254 --> 00:05:20,243
You're welcome.
109
00:05:20,455 --> 00:05:22,389
This is the phone book
of a man in his 20s.
110
00:05:22,591 --> 00:05:26,493
The women literally have
no identities. It's pretty shallow.
111
00:05:27,128 --> 00:05:28,459
You're right.
112
00:05:28,663 --> 00:05:30,995
I can't believe I haven't
seen it before now.
113
00:05:31,566 --> 00:05:34,126
Whatever. I'm gonna go
study with Shirley.
114
00:05:34,336 --> 00:05:36,827
Well, I'll be here,
rethinking my way of life.
115
00:05:37,038 --> 00:05:38,164
Mm.
116
00:05:42,177 --> 00:05:43,974
Call "Mommy."
117
00:05:44,179 --> 00:05:46,545
Guys, I have a problem.
118
00:05:47,883 --> 00:05:50,852
The dean wants me to demonstrate
proper use of a condom
119
00:05:51,052 --> 00:05:55,853
at the stupid fair, by putting one on
a mannequin's stupid thingamabob.
120
00:05:56,424 --> 00:06:00,326
It's a big honor
but I'm gonna screw it up.
121
00:06:00,529 --> 00:06:03,760
Well, it's easy enough to practice.
Britta, do you have a banana?
122
00:06:03,965 --> 00:06:07,423
This is an anatomically correct model
I'll be handling.
123
00:06:07,636 --> 00:06:11,766
Real whatchamacallits
are nothing like bananas.
124
00:06:11,973 --> 00:06:13,497
Are they?
125
00:06:14,309 --> 00:06:16,470
Have you never seen one?
Shh!
126
00:06:16,678 --> 00:06:20,170
Annie, being a virgin in this day
and age is something to be proud of.
127
00:06:20,382 --> 00:06:21,440
You're like a unicorn.
128
00:06:21,883 --> 00:06:24,579
I'm not a unicorn.
129
00:06:24,986 --> 00:06:27,853
I had relations with
my high school boyfriend.
130
00:06:28,056 --> 00:06:31,184
We did it to Madonna's Erotica
on the floor of his walk-in closet.
131
00:06:31,393 --> 00:06:34,226
But he wouldn't let me look at it.
132
00:06:34,429 --> 00:06:37,796
He cried after and during.
133
00:06:38,233 --> 00:06:39,461
He's gay now.
134
00:06:39,668 --> 00:06:40,896
I think he was gay then.
135
00:06:41,102 --> 00:06:43,502
So you never seen one
when you were growing up?
136
00:06:43,705 --> 00:06:46,868
Like, you know, on the Internet,
in a picture, or Harvey Keitel's?
137
00:06:47,075 --> 00:06:51,341
I've caught glimpses but I've never
got a real good look at one.
138
00:06:51,546 --> 00:06:54,344
What I need to do is practice
on the actual model.
139
00:06:54,549 --> 00:06:56,380
But the dean has it
locked in his office.
140
00:06:56,585 --> 00:06:58,883
Okay, that's easy.
We'll go to him, ask him if we...
141
00:06:59,087 --> 00:07:02,818
No. This is really embarrassing.
I don't want anyone to know.
142
00:07:03,024 --> 00:07:06,221
I just wanna figure out how to do it
and get it over with.
143
00:07:06,428 --> 00:07:07,918
The dean is counting on me,
144
00:07:08,129 --> 00:07:10,654
and I want him to know
that I'm someone he can trust.
145
00:07:12,667 --> 00:07:15,033
We have to break into his office.
146
00:07:15,937 --> 00:07:18,997
I actually have no problem with that.
I think I could do that.
147
00:07:23,778 --> 00:07:25,803
Oh, hello, Jeffrey.
Hi, Pierce.
148
00:07:26,247 --> 00:07:30,274
I was just going into the fair
to wait for my smoking-hot date.
149
00:07:30,485 --> 00:07:31,884
That's nice.
How about you?
150
00:07:32,087 --> 00:07:35,921
Were you ever able to, you know,
come up with a date?
151
00:07:36,124 --> 00:07:38,217
No, no, because I didn't try,
152
00:07:38,426 --> 00:07:41,293
because taking a date
to an STD fair would be lame.
153
00:07:41,496 --> 00:07:44,590
Don't worry about it, kid.
You're going through a dry spell.
154
00:07:44,799 --> 00:07:49,429
From my experience, they don't last
any more than 12, 13 years.
155
00:07:49,638 --> 00:07:51,003
Excuse me.
156
00:07:54,843 --> 00:07:57,539
No gonorrhea,
please, please, please.
157
00:07:57,746 --> 00:07:59,373
No gonorrhea.
158
00:07:59,581 --> 00:08:01,344
Ow! It burns.
159
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:02,743
Oh! That's gonna hurt.
Gross.
160
00:08:02,951 --> 00:08:06,648
Dean, your assistant, is she single?
What are her likes and dislikes?
161
00:08:06,855 --> 00:08:09,722
Yes, on single.
She likes hip-hop and horses.
162
00:08:09,924 --> 00:08:12,017
Dislikes beards and...
Yeah, I was done talking.
163
00:08:15,897 --> 00:08:20,061
Is it me or are horses
the most beautiful creatures?
164
00:08:20,268 --> 00:08:22,532
They're so majestic.
Totally.
165
00:08:22,737 --> 00:08:26,002
Just this morning, when I was shaving
and listening to the new Jay-Z,
166
00:08:26,207 --> 00:08:29,074
I was thinking how I wanna
squeeze in a gallop this weekend.
167
00:08:29,277 --> 00:08:30,471
Do you own a horse?
168
00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,348
Can you ever really own a horse?
169
00:08:38,119 --> 00:08:39,211
Pierce.
Yeah?
170
00:08:39,421 --> 00:08:40,479
This is Sabrina.
171
00:08:40,689 --> 00:08:42,418
Thirty seconds
after you walked away,
172
00:08:42,624 --> 00:08:45,092
I asked her to be my date
and she said yes.
173
00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:47,686
You must have a great personality.
Thank you.
174
00:08:47,896 --> 00:08:50,558
Congratulations, Jeff, you proved me wrong.
You got a girl.
175
00:08:50,765 --> 00:08:51,857
Yeah, I did.
Oh.
176
00:08:52,701 --> 00:08:54,760
This is Doreen.
Ready for our double-date?
177
00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:57,665
Yes, I am.
Wait, how'd you do that?
178
00:09:01,476 --> 00:09:04,172
Is this the best safe-sex fair
or what?
179
00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:05,778
Ha-ha-ha!
Check out these condoms.
180
00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:08,448
All along the side it says,
"Greendale."
181
00:09:08,650 --> 00:09:11,016
Exclamation point, my idea.
182
00:09:13,588 --> 00:09:19,117
Wow. Me, in a dune buggy, with syphilis.
This is going on the fridge.
183
00:09:19,327 --> 00:09:22,194
Heh, heh. Look how gorgeous
Doreen is tonight.
184
00:09:23,798 --> 00:09:25,095
Hey, can we...?
185
00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:27,825
Let's lay out our plans
for the evening.
186
00:09:28,036 --> 00:09:30,027
You wingman me, I wingman you.
187
00:09:30,238 --> 00:09:33,298
Maybe we split up
for a little hoo-ha
188
00:09:33,508 --> 00:09:38,172
and then meet in the morning
for eggs and details.
189
00:09:38,379 --> 00:09:42,145
That sounds like the worst
combination plate ever.
190
00:09:42,951 --> 00:09:44,384
Thanks.
Argh!
191
00:09:44,586 --> 00:09:47,646
I can't believe you beat me again.
192
00:09:47,856 --> 00:09:49,687
Do you want my stuffed animal?
Gah!
193
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,894
We're arm wrestling.
194
00:09:55,196 --> 00:09:58,654
Like Stallone in Over the Top. I don't know the rules.
Don't I need a semi-truck and a son?
195
00:09:58,867 --> 00:10:02,462
The rules are, "You suck." Let's go.
196
00:10:02,771 --> 00:10:05,171
Uh, I wanna wait for a more inspiring
song. This score isn't right.
197
00:10:06,875 --> 00:10:08,274
There we go.
198
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:36,127
Oh, my God.
199
00:10:40,875 --> 00:10:42,604
You broke my hand, you bastard.
200
00:10:58,226 --> 00:10:59,853
I can't do anything with this.
201
00:11:00,061 --> 00:11:02,154
No, let me see that.
202
00:11:03,665 --> 00:11:05,394
Oh, I can see through the door.
203
00:11:06,968 --> 00:11:09,562
Oh, yeah, there she blows.
204
00:11:09,771 --> 00:11:11,705
I wanna see, I wanna see.
Shh!
205
00:11:11,906 --> 00:11:13,567
Okay, go, go, go. Go ahead.
206
00:11:15,343 --> 00:11:19,279
I'm the one that needs to see.
Okay, okay, okay.
207
00:11:19,714 --> 00:11:21,181
It's okay.
208
00:11:25,053 --> 00:11:27,021
Oh, boy.
209
00:11:29,057 --> 00:11:32,549
Oh, I had it wrong.
210
00:11:33,261 --> 00:11:34,558
Is that considered large?
211
00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:36,320
Oh, no.
Yes.
212
00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:41,234
What in the reverse Porky's
is going on here?
213
00:11:43,705 --> 00:11:46,105
You know, Doreen
speaks six languages.
214
00:11:46,307 --> 00:11:48,832
You should hear her
order wine in French.
215
00:11:49,043 --> 00:11:51,841
Hey, honey, say,
"cabernet sauvigonenon."
216
00:11:52,046 --> 00:11:54,913
Pierce, you're embarrassing me.
You know a lot about wine?
217
00:11:55,116 --> 00:11:58,449
Well, I did have a client
who owned a vineyard in Napa.
218
00:11:58,653 --> 00:12:02,521
He was into S&M and merlot
so we called it S&M&M.
219
00:12:04,592 --> 00:12:06,719
Honey, you're boring
the crap out of Jeff.
220
00:12:07,762 --> 00:12:10,196
Be right back.
I have to make tinkles.
221
00:12:11,499 --> 00:12:14,229
Well then, I'm gonna go
get us another round.
222
00:12:15,536 --> 00:12:18,198
You know, you are not
what I expected.
223
00:12:18,406 --> 00:12:21,204
You're smart, you're classy,
you're not wearing go-go boots.
224
00:12:21,409 --> 00:12:22,433
They're in the shop.
225
00:12:23,144 --> 00:12:24,839
You know,
despite what people think,
226
00:12:25,046 --> 00:12:28,743
I actually spend
most of my time talking.
227
00:12:28,950 --> 00:12:31,145
As men get older, they wanna
spend time with someone
228
00:12:31,352 --> 00:12:33,217
they can have a real
conversation with.
229
00:12:33,421 --> 00:12:36,879
That is going to suck.
"Going to," Jeff?
230
00:12:37,091 --> 00:12:38,388
Come on, Sabrina's cute,
231
00:12:38,860 --> 00:12:42,626
but she thinks that Monty Python
is the evil snake from Harry Potter.
232
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:46,630
Trust me, I know girls I can converse
with who are way more annoying.
233
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:50,133
I will take "tinkles" over
"we need to talk" every time.
234
00:12:50,338 --> 00:12:51,999
Hey, babe.
235
00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:54,037
Ready to show me that Lexus?
236
00:12:54,242 --> 00:12:56,733
I thought you'd never ask.
237
00:12:58,346 --> 00:13:01,838
Doreen, it was very nice
to meet you.
238
00:13:02,450 --> 00:13:03,747
You can do better.
239
00:13:11,092 --> 00:13:12,389
Here.
240
00:13:12,593 --> 00:13:15,187
Oh, they already left?
What a couple of nincompoops.
241
00:13:16,030 --> 00:13:18,863
Before I buy dinner, I have to ask.
242
00:13:19,067 --> 00:13:21,797
Is there any lovemaking
on the table?
243
00:13:22,370 --> 00:13:24,133
We're through, Pierce.
244
00:13:24,339 --> 00:13:27,240
I'm gonna go to the bar
and you can join me if you'd like.
245
00:13:27,442 --> 00:13:29,808
And we can still have
a lovely evening,
246
00:13:30,011 --> 00:13:32,036
but it will cost you 200 bucks.
247
00:13:39,620 --> 00:13:41,986
That is a pretty big discount.
248
00:13:57,772 --> 00:14:00,832
I had no idea alcohol
would make people horny.
249
00:14:01,042 --> 00:14:02,669
It makes me sleepy. I don't...
250
00:14:02,877 --> 00:14:03,866
Dean?
Yeah.
251
00:14:04,078 --> 00:14:06,603
We have a 597 currently
going on in your office.
252
00:14:06,814 --> 00:14:10,648
597? There's a dog-fighting ring
in my office?
253
00:14:10,852 --> 00:14:12,012
No.
254
00:14:13,021 --> 00:14:16,252
Okay, I'm just gonna turn him around
and we're gonna cover him up.
255
00:14:16,457 --> 00:14:18,721
Okay, ladies, I am shocked
256
00:14:18,926 --> 00:14:21,258
at the reverse Porky's
that has happened here.
257
00:14:21,462 --> 00:14:25,091
I don't see what the big deal is.
Annie needed to look at the model of the pen...
258
00:14:25,299 --> 00:14:28,166
Okay, the P-word has
entered into play.
259
00:14:28,369 --> 00:14:31,566
That's exactly why I wanted Gayle,
our school counselor here,
260
00:14:31,773 --> 00:14:34,333
and Monique, who's keeping
record, to ensure
261
00:14:34,542 --> 00:14:37,943
we discuss these sensitive topics
in a legally appropriate manner.
262
00:14:38,146 --> 00:14:39,943
I think everyone should say "penis"
263
00:14:40,148 --> 00:14:43,447
so we can take away the
negative power of the word, yeah?
264
00:14:43,651 --> 00:14:44,913
So everybody.
265
00:14:45,119 --> 00:14:47,246
Penis.
She didn't say it.
266
00:14:47,455 --> 00:14:50,356
Now why did you break in
to see the penis?
267
00:14:50,558 --> 00:14:53,686
Wow, I really do feel more
comfortable saying that now, Gayle.
268
00:14:53,895 --> 00:14:58,855
I just wanna focus on the girl
who won't say "penis."
269
00:15:07,909 --> 00:15:11,538
This is a judgment-free zone,
so express yourself.
270
00:15:15,883 --> 00:15:17,942
You know what?
271
00:15:18,152 --> 00:15:20,985
I don't want to express myself.
272
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:26,790
I don't wanna sit in a room
full of people and say the P-word.
273
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:28,723
I like being repressed.
274
00:15:28,930 --> 00:15:33,128
I am totally comfortable being
uncomfortable with my sexuality.
275
00:15:33,568 --> 00:15:37,971
And maybe, just maybe, if everyone
were a little more like me,
276
00:15:38,172 --> 00:15:41,107
we wouldn't have to have
an STD fair.
277
00:15:41,309 --> 00:15:43,436
You go, girl.
That's my pumpkin.
278
00:15:44,011 --> 00:15:45,035
Mm-hm.
279
00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:48,471
By the way, now that I've gotten
a good look at one,
280
00:15:48,683 --> 00:15:50,810
I don't see what all the fuss
was about.
281
00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:54,419
A giant thumb in a turtleneck.
Whoop-dee-doo!
282
00:16:03,764 --> 00:16:07,996
You have a really awesome body.
You probably hear that all the time.
283
00:16:08,202 --> 00:16:09,396
Not as much as I should.
284
00:16:11,005 --> 00:16:13,098
Ohh. Professor.
285
00:16:15,109 --> 00:16:16,701
What?
286
00:16:16,911 --> 00:16:17,969
I'm not a professor.
287
00:16:18,679 --> 00:16:21,443
But you're at Greendale
and you're old.
288
00:16:22,283 --> 00:16:23,307
I'm a student.
289
00:16:23,885 --> 00:16:24,943
Yikers.
290
00:16:25,153 --> 00:16:28,088
Yeah. It's pretty much
yikers for me too.
291
00:16:28,289 --> 00:16:33,317
Well, I guess I can make
an exception, professor.
292
00:16:40,735 --> 00:16:44,000
You know, I can't do this.
293
00:16:44,205 --> 00:16:45,536
What?
294
00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:46,832
But this is your car.
295
00:16:47,041 --> 00:16:49,373
Keep it.
But...
296
00:16:53,414 --> 00:16:57,316
Yes, yes, yes.
297
00:16:57,518 --> 00:17:00,078
How do you like those apples?
298
00:17:00,288 --> 00:17:03,883
I don't like those apples.
I'm so upset.
299
00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:06,651
It was just a fluke
I won those other games.
300
00:17:06,861 --> 00:17:08,226
Troy.
301
00:17:10,331 --> 00:17:14,267
Wow, this may be the only STD fair
to actually spread STDs. Ha, ha.
302
00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:15,935
Shut up, Ben.
303
00:17:16,137 --> 00:17:20,437
Condom water balloon fight!
304
00:17:23,811 --> 00:17:25,438
What the hell?
305
00:17:25,646 --> 00:17:26,874
Dude, these are leaking.
306
00:17:27,081 --> 00:17:29,049
Ho-ho-ho! Oh, my God.
307
00:17:29,250 --> 00:17:31,616
That's why you don't
print things on condoms.
308
00:17:31,819 --> 00:17:34,845
Everyone's getting preggers
and it's all your fault.
309
00:17:42,296 --> 00:17:43,456
Oh, man.
310
00:17:43,664 --> 00:17:46,599
Troy, all the condoms are faulty.
311
00:17:46,801 --> 00:17:50,464
As the best athlete on campus,
I need you to run to my office
312
00:17:50,671 --> 00:17:53,606
and make an announcement
before everyone leaves.
313
00:17:53,808 --> 00:17:58,768
Dean, I am not the best
athlete on campus.
314
00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:01,605
Abed is.
315
00:18:01,816 --> 00:18:04,580
I know you let me win the race.
But you didn't say anything.
316
00:18:04,785 --> 00:18:08,482
That's because
I wanted it to be true.
317
00:18:09,123 --> 00:18:12,115
You're a really good friend.
No, Abed.
318
00:18:14,629 --> 00:18:16,324
You are.
For the love of God, run.
319
00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:18,088
Okay.
320
00:18:18,933 --> 00:18:20,161
Go, Abed, go.
321
00:18:20,368 --> 00:18:22,529
Before people sex one another.
322
00:18:27,375 --> 00:18:28,467
There he is.
323
00:18:29,010 --> 00:18:30,978
Back already. Detail time?
324
00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:32,805
I stopped.
325
00:18:33,014 --> 00:18:35,949
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I mean, she's hot.
326
00:18:36,150 --> 00:18:38,448
I think this place is sapping
my life force.
327
00:18:38,653 --> 00:18:42,680
Oh, it's not Greendale, Jeff, it's you.
You're becoming more mature.
328
00:18:42,890 --> 00:18:44,517
A man reaches a point in his life
329
00:18:44,725 --> 00:18:48,252
where he stops looking for
a place to hang his underwear
330
00:18:48,462 --> 00:18:50,862
and starts looking for a place
to hang his hat.
331
00:18:52,266 --> 00:18:56,635
Oh, I'm sorry. I was waiting for that
to become inappropriate or racist.
332
00:18:56,837 --> 00:18:58,737
What happened to Doreen?
333
00:18:58,939 --> 00:19:00,338
Oh, uh,
334
00:19:00,541 --> 00:19:03,135
she said if I wanted to continue,
I would have to pay.
335
00:19:03,611 --> 00:19:06,011
Oh, man, that is rough.
336
00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:07,544
No, it was a wake-up call.
337
00:19:07,748 --> 00:19:10,342
Doreen is a very special lady.
I did not treat her right.
338
00:19:10,985 --> 00:19:12,543
I have stuff to work on, you know?
339
00:19:13,387 --> 00:19:14,718
You'll get there.
340
00:19:16,490 --> 00:19:18,822
We're both gonna get there.
341
00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:22,027
Here's to being better men.
342
00:19:23,898 --> 00:19:25,331
Cheers.
343
00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:28,999
So can I borrow 200 bucks?
344
00:19:31,772 --> 00:19:33,535
Tell Doreen I say hi.
345
00:19:35,343 --> 00:19:37,743
You know, for 220, I can get...
346
00:19:37,945 --> 00:19:40,470
I'll give you 250 if
you don't finish telling me.
347
00:19:40,681 --> 00:19:42,410
Now I can get it twice.
348
00:19:42,616 --> 00:19:45,551
Ah, college.
Best years of our lives.
349
00:19:48,189 --> 00:19:49,247
Oop.
350
00:20:15,416 --> 00:20:17,077
Attention, Greendale students.
351
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:19,047
Don't use the condoms.
352
00:20:19,253 --> 00:20:24,020
If you're going to have sex tonight,
don't use condoms.
353
00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:33,130
"The characteristic of an acid
to donate or accept a proton"
354
00:20:33,334 --> 00:20:35,802
cannot be quantified
for individual species.
355
00:20:36,003 --> 00:20:38,130
Comparing two
donor-acceptor systems,
356
00:20:38,339 --> 00:20:43,606
"the proton transposition
HA plus H2O..."
357
00:20:59,059 --> 00:21:01,493
Abed?
Yeah, Troy?
358
00:21:02,062 --> 00:21:04,030
Can you get me a glass of water?
359
00:21:04,231 --> 00:21:05,596
Sure.
360
00:21:07,501 --> 00:21:09,492
Thank you, Abed.