1
00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:04,502
PELTON [OVER PA]: Happy last day
before winter break, Greendale.
2
00:00:04,704 --> 00:00:06,069
Time to visit our loved ones.
3
00:00:06,272 --> 00:00:08,968
Some of you will travel
as far as three miles.
4
00:00:09,409 --> 00:00:13,573
Don't forget to visit our winter wonderland,
where we're giving away catalogues
5
00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:15,907
of next semester's classes.
BO Y: Ha-ha-ha!
6
00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:17,083
[###]
7
00:00:17,283 --> 00:00:18,773
[TAMBOURINE SHAKING]
8
00:00:18,985 --> 00:00:20,816
PELTON:
Whoa! What's that sound?
9
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:25,458
Is that the tippy-tapping
of secular boots on the roof?
10
00:00:25,658 --> 00:00:30,857
Oh, well, it must be yet another sign
that it 'tis the season,
11
00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:33,055
because rumor has it
12
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:36,394
that non-denominational
Mr. Winter
13
00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:39,936
is on his way
to the student lounge.
14
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:43,668
I am so sick of the dean jamming
his PCness down my throat.
15
00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:47,045
Pierce, I'd like to commend you
for letting that one go.
16
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:49,943
[CHUCKLING]
PCness. Now I get it.
17
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:52,243
It sounds like penis.
I just got it too.
18
00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:54,283
Well, it's still Christmas to all of us.
19
00:00:54,487 --> 00:00:58,184
And I made you all a little gift,
because you're like my new family.
20
00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:00,018
"W.W.B.J. D?"
21
00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:02,456
If that stands for
"What would Billy Joel do?"
22
00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:05,324
I'll tell you right now,
he'd write another crappy song.
23
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:07,022
Yeah, in your face, Billy Joel.
24
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:08,200
[MOUTHS]
Who is that?
25
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:10,767
It stands for "What would baby Jesus do?
" And it's to remind us
26
00:01:10,970 --> 00:01:13,768
that the real meaning
of this season is Christmas.
27
00:01:13,973 --> 00:01:15,736
Oh, well, thank you, Shirley.
28
00:01:15,942 --> 00:01:19,400
I'm gonna put that in the pocket
closest to my heart.
29
00:01:19,612 --> 00:01:21,978
No, no, no.
It's a bracelet, you put them on.
30
00:01:23,049 --> 00:01:24,277
Everybody put them on.
31
00:01:27,987 --> 00:01:29,784
[###]
32
00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:35,089
Hey. Hey.
33
00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:37,888
You took all the Winter-Doodles.
34
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,463
What are you, a douche bag?
35
00:01:40,066 --> 00:01:42,159
They're for my friends.
But there's a lot left.
36
00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:45,166
No. Only macadamia nut cookies.
I have a tree-nut allergy.
37
00:01:45,371 --> 00:01:47,066
You should stay away from
Christmas-tree-shaped cookies.
38
00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:50,936
Ha-ha-ha! That did not even make allergic sense.
What are you, an idiot?
39
00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:55,976
Okay, we get it, you and the A-Team
are awesome, now beat it.
40
00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:59,618
Oh, look at that. Pretty boy,
standing up for bird-face over here.
41
00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:01,548
Give me a Winter-Doodle.
42
00:02:01,754 --> 00:02:05,451
If you're trying to be menacing, maybe
don't call the cookie by its name.
43
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:09,486
Oh, you're funny, you're a funny man.
Wanna hear something funny?
44
00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:12,631
Knock, knock. My fist up your balls.
45
00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:14,633
Who's there?
46
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,131
PELTON:
Ho, ho, ho!
47
00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:19,999
Merry happy.
48
00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:21,837
This ain't over.
49
00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:23,508
[###]
50
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,468
There won't always be
a dean around, all right?
51
00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:29,772
Still waiting on
those cookies, Abed.
52
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,951
[THE 88'S "AT LEAST
IT WAS HERE" PLAYS]
53
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:58,168
Jeff protected my honor.
54
00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,608
It was like My Bodyguard,
but I was the kid from Meatballs,
55
00:03:00,813 --> 00:03:04,078
Jeff was from Full Metal Jacket, and the mustache
guy was the brother of the guy in Entourage.
56
00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:06,514
Thanks for dumbing that down for us.
You got it.
57
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:09,779
What's the deal, Jeff? You leave
your stones in your other suit?
58
00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:11,820
Why didn't you rap that guy
in the face?
59
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:15,153
For the same reason that I floss
and keep my guitar in its case.
60
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:16,350
I'm over 23.
61
00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:18,793
I'm proud of you for
handling it peacefully, Jeff.
62
00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:22,627
Like a certain little birthday boy.
Heh-heh-heh.
63
00:03:22,835 --> 00:03:25,497
Real men turn the other cheek.
Let's see them.
64
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:28,167
Nonsense. Men were wired
to fight each other
65
00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:30,171
so women could choose
the right mate.
66
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:34,540
No, the real reason men fight
is to release their pent-up gayness.
67
00:03:34,747 --> 00:03:36,442
That guy wasn't gay,
he had a mustache.
68
00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:38,048
You know what I have? Finals.
69
00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:39,843
Are we cramming
for Spanish or not?
70
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,385
I need a 65
or I'm gonna flunk the class.
71
00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:43,749
[GASPS]
72
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:46,687
Why didn't you do the extra credit
if you knew that you were
73
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:47,860
[WHISPERS] failing?
74
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:51,224
Because doing more than the
minimum work is my definition of
75
00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:52,420
[WHISPERS] failing.
76
00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:53,656
SHIRLEY:
Quick question.
77
00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:56,835
Are you all coming to my
Christmas party right after the final
78
00:03:57,036 --> 00:04:00,199
or are you stopping home to
change into your Christmas outfits?
79
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,033
[###]
80
00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:05,539
I guess I could wear
one of my Hanukkah sweaters.
81
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:10,482
Ah. Annie, I didn't know
you weren't, um, Christian.
82
00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:14,312
Yep, one might
even say I'm Jewish.
83
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,750
Oh, that's good for you.
That's wonderful.
84
00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:18,821
I respect all religions of the world.
85
00:04:19,225 --> 00:04:20,658
I'm Muslim.
Jehovah's Witness.
86
00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:22,919
Atheist.
The Lord is testing me.
87
00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:26,428
Guys, this is a subject that
breeds conflict, can we please...?
88
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:28,396
What religion are you, Jeff?
I'm agnostic.
89
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:29,932
[ALL BOOING]
90
00:04:30,136 --> 00:04:32,627
Agnostic. Lazy man's atheist.
91
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:35,767
I'm born-again.
Oh!
92
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:38,273
We had a re-birthing ritual
in my friend's hot tub.
93
00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:42,414
I'm now a level five Laser Lotus
in my Buddhist community.
94
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:45,607
That does not sound like Buddhism.
You sure you're not in a cult?
95
00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:50,118
Just by asking me that question,
you put me back down to a level four.
96
00:04:50,323 --> 00:04:52,757
You now owe me
2000 Energon Cubes.
97
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,927
Do you know how foolish
you sound right now?
98
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,358
What else do you believe in,
blood transfusions?
99
00:04:57,563 --> 00:05:00,225
Jehovah's Witnesses are
a type of Christian, right, Troy?
100
00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:05,029
Yeah, but we don't celebrate birthdays
or Christmas, and we can't drink.
101
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:06,205
But it helps.
102
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:07,532
So you're like a Muslim.
Assalamu alaikum.
103
00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:08,832
Shama-lama-ding-dong.
104
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:11,670
Well, don't we have
a diverse little family.
105
00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:14,210
I say we open up this party
to all faiths.
106
00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:15,972
I brought my Star of Bethlehem,
107
00:05:16,182 --> 00:05:19,015
which led the wise men
to the savior of all mankind.
108
00:05:19,218 --> 00:05:23,621
And you guys can bring a little trinket
or doodad from your philosophies.
109
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:24,812
Sounds good?
110
00:05:25,024 --> 00:05:27,857
As an agnostic, I'm gonna
bring my winning smile.
111
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:29,358
[ALL GROANING]
112
00:05:29,595 --> 00:05:31,222
[###]
113
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:43,206
Ugh! So boring.
114
00:05:44,744 --> 00:05:46,234
Done. Hee, hee!
115
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,112
Feliz navidad.
116
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:55,810
"True or falso
or none of the above?"
117
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,421
That doesn't make any sense.
118
00:05:58,658 --> 00:05:59,682
[CHUCKLING]
119
00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:04,456
Hey, look at that,
Forehead's taking a test.
120
00:06:04,664 --> 00:06:07,064
Why don't you get going,
Chuck Norris?
121
00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:10,527
Did you just shoo me?
Why don't you just kiss him already?
122
00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:13,103
Dude, I will shoo your nose
down your throat.
123
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:15,900
Señor Chang, can you do
something about this?
124
00:06:16,242 --> 00:06:17,732
I'll allow it.
125
00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:20,435
Qué pasa here, huh?
126
00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:24,780
It's usted, dude. Even I know that.
127
00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:26,281
[LAUGHING]
128
00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:31,555
You picked the wrong day to correct
my Spanish, No Sleeves. It's on.
129
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:33,885
He's doing this for me.
He's my bodyguard.
130
00:06:34,093 --> 00:06:35,856
You wanna dance?
To some show tunes?
131
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,996
No, I want to beat you,
and I'm gonna enjoy it.
132
00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:39,494
Because you're like this school.
133
00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:43,066
You're obnoxious, cramping my style
and you smell like french-fry oil.
134
00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:44,759
I don't get it.
135
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:48,065
Three o'clock. Bike rack,
but not the one by the parking lot.
136
00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:51,437
Right, the one by the trash cans, near the orange
cones, where they're building the wheelchair ramp.
137
00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:55,503
Yeah.
Best exam ever.
138
00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:57,706
[LAUGHING] That guy's awesome.
139
00:06:57,950 --> 00:06:59,417
[###]
140
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,282
So help me, if that
jerkweed made me fail.
141
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:06,822
Well, I aced it, amigo.
That means cousin.
142
00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:08,459
So, what's my role going to be?
143
00:07:08,661 --> 00:07:11,391
Is there a key moment where
I stand up for myself, take revenge?
144
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:13,656
Uh, maybe you should
just hang back.
145
00:07:13,866 --> 00:07:15,800
Yeah, I will. In his face.
146
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:18,061
Whatever you do,
don't tell Shirley about the fight.
147
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,331
She'll start in with all her
mothery guilt-inducing powers.
148
00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:22,838
You know what I mean?
No.
149
00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:25,840
I'm wearing this Jesus bracelet
because it gets me chicks.
150
00:07:26,045 --> 00:07:27,273
I know guys like this Mike.
151
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,448
He used to be a nerd,
now he's a meathead.
152
00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:30,809
Dangerous combo.
153
00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:34,145
Tyson, Lou Ferrigno,
Rosie O'Donnell.
154
00:07:34,353 --> 00:07:36,617
You're a pretty big dude.
You've probably got moves.
155
00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:39,348
Yeah, I got some theories.
156
00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:41,720
You've never been in a fight?
Technically, no.
157
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:44,897
I guess I'm too charming
and likeable. Call me a name.
158
00:07:45,998 --> 00:07:47,260
I can't.
Mm.
159
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,697
Are you telling me you've never
been punched in the face?
160
00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:52,302
No, thank God.
This is the moneymaker.
161
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:55,406
First time I got punched in the face,
I was like, "Oh, no."
162
00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:58,941
But then I was like, "This is a story."
163
00:07:59,912 --> 00:08:01,174
And a good one.
Yeah.
164
00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:04,543
Every man should be punched
in the face. It's a rite of passage.
165
00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:07,480
In my day, Friday night was
smoke a doobie, feel up a gal
166
00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:09,678
and then get your teeth
knocked out by a Republican.
167
00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:13,222
Guys, the plan here isn't for me
to get hit. It's for me to hit him.
168
00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:14,615
PIERCE:
Oh, then it's settled.
169
00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,658
We have to teach Jeffrey
how to fight.
170
00:08:16,863 --> 00:08:18,160
I know a few moves.
171
00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:20,332
Troy, I assume you're
handy with a switchblade.
172
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:24,333
Abed, you get back to the family tent,
try to find a chicken for Jeff to chase.
173
00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:29,631
Guys, I appreciate the enthusiasm,
but I think I got this.
174
00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,707
MIKE:
Oh, well, look who it is.
175
00:08:31,911 --> 00:08:36,905
We got Forehead, Old Head,
Dumb Head and the Other Head.
176
00:08:37,316 --> 00:08:38,510
See you at 3, Forehead.
177
00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:39,878
[###]
178
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:41,144
Give me a snowman, dork.
179
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,514
See this, funny guy? Huh?
180
00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:47,083
[STUDENTS GASP]
181
00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:48,692
[LAUGHING]
182
00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:49,987
Huh?
183
00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:53,362
Classic Rosie.
184
00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:55,056
Fight lessons in a half an hour?
185
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,130
Good plan.
186
00:08:57,336 --> 00:09:02,103
[SINGING] ♪ Joy to the
world The Lord is come ♪
187
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:07,974
♪ The Lord, the Lord, the Lord ♪♪
188
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,613
Hello.
189
00:09:09,815 --> 00:09:12,409
Oh! Is this your Hanukkah holder?
190
00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:14,745
It's, uh... It's pretty.
191
00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:17,286
We'll just, uh... Let's just put it here.
192
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,185
There we go. That's nice.
193
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:24,128
So I can't believe
I never knew you were a Jew.
194
00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:27,599
I'd say the whole word next time.
195
00:09:30,169 --> 00:09:33,570
So do you think everyone
will start arriving soon?
196
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:36,173
I think they're gonna come
after Jeff's fight.
197
00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:37,399
After Jeff's what, now?
198
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:38,577
[###]
199
00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:40,040
Jeff wants to fight that bully.
200
00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:41,939
On Christmas?
201
00:09:42,815 --> 00:09:44,612
Will you excuse me for a moment?
202
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:48,082
Can you finish the manger scene?
203
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:52,752
We know you were one of us.
204
00:09:57,997 --> 00:09:59,259
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
What's up? What's up?
205
00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:02,127
What's up.
No, it's a question.
206
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,064
What's up?
What's up?
207
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,933
Not a real question, a rhetorical one.
You have the answer, he does not.
208
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:10,233
Then you give them
the Forest Whitaker eye.
209
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,808
Oh, that's pretty good.
210
00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:14,002
Okay, hold that stare.
There you go.
211
00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:18,115
Hold it. Then, look straight through
his eyes and deep into his soul.
212
00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:19,716
And then you move to Vermont.
213
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:22,183
I'm sick and tired of you
saying that fighting is gay.
214
00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:24,856
She's got a point. In boxing,
you fight for the purse and a belt.
215
00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:28,549
I've gotta write a paper about that.
Let's see what we're working with.
216
00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:31,628
Go ahead,
throw a few at the old paws.
217
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:35,024
[CHUCKLING] What are you?
A North Korean seamstress?
218
00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:37,964
Not if that's bad.
Get mad, come on!
219
00:10:38,170 --> 00:10:40,604
If it helps, think of me
as somebody who annoys you.
220
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:41,773
[GRUNTS]
221
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,339
That's it. That's good.
222
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:45,203
Britta, put your blouse back on.
223
00:10:45,544 --> 00:10:47,705
Ohh! Ow!
224
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,914
This is not a game.
You gotta be ready for anything.
225
00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:52,016
Dude, that is not cool.
226
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,311
Well, that foxy black girl thinks it is.
Hm?
227
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:55,544
Aah!
228
00:10:55,755 --> 00:10:57,882
What are you doing?
Why she have to be black?
229
00:10:58,090 --> 00:10:59,614
What is going on?
230
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:05,661
We're trying to get Jeff
ready for the fight.
231
00:11:07,266 --> 00:11:08,961
[WHISPERS]
I couldn't think of another word.
232
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:10,135
Idiot.
233
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,031
He meant we were figh...
234
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:16,240
ting. It is hard to
think of another word.
235
00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:17,807
You realize there's
no way to take this
236
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:20,308
than as a giant middle finger to
the most important day of the year.
237
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:23,175
December 10th?
It's our Christmas.
238
00:11:23,382 --> 00:11:24,872
And I'm having a party.
239
00:11:25,084 --> 00:11:27,348
Due to my divorce,
and my relatives picking sides,
240
00:11:27,553 --> 00:11:30,351
this will be the only Christmas party
I throw this year.
241
00:11:30,556 --> 00:11:31,545
Will you be there
242
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:35,221
or will I have another family
letting me down?
243
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,123
I told him not to fight.
244
00:11:37,329 --> 00:11:39,229
He wouldn't listen.
245
00:11:39,832 --> 00:11:41,857
I don't know what that is.
246
00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:49,070
Jeffrey, I have two boys.
247
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:51,072
And when we have
a serious discussion,
248
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:54,075
I find that a brownie
helps them to relax.
249
00:11:54,747 --> 00:11:57,614
So why do you hate me and Jesus?
250
00:11:58,617 --> 00:12:00,050
I don't think my brownie's working.
251
00:12:00,252 --> 00:12:03,551
Please don't do something so ugly
on a day so important to me.
252
00:12:03,756 --> 00:12:05,519
Again, it's December 10th.
253
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:08,021
You think religion is stupid.
254
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:11,321
No, no. To me,
religion is like Paul Rudd.
255
00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:13,998
I see the appeal and would never
take it away from anyone,
256
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,895
but I would also never
stand in line for it.
257
00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:19,230
And, look, the die has been cast
with this crazy bully guy.
258
00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:22,066
He picked on Abed,
and he corrected my Spanish.
259
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:24,967
So you go to your party
and I'll see you soon.
260
00:12:25,177 --> 00:12:28,146
Jeffrey, I forbid you from fighting.
261
00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:29,314
[###]
262
00:12:29,515 --> 00:12:31,483
Well, you don't get to.
You're not my mom.
263
00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:36,246
You're right, but if you show up for
the fight, don't show up for my party.
264
00:12:36,455 --> 00:12:39,618
Oh, come on, Shirley, don't be mad.
I'm not mad, I'm disappointed.
265
00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:42,259
That's Mom for mad.
266
00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:46,456
[###]
267
00:12:49,368 --> 00:12:52,462
SHIRLEY: Oh, hash browns and
applesauce, that's nice.
268
00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:55,196
Oh, what is that interesting smell?
269
00:12:55,407 --> 00:12:57,602
It's a traditional Muslim dish.
270
00:12:57,810 --> 00:12:59,072
Looks delicious.
271
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:01,803
I'm guessing as a woman
I won't be allowed to eat that.
272
00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:04,073
That's too bad.
273
00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:07,442
Oh, look, Britta brought
what she believes in.
274
00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:08,677
Nothing.
275
00:13:08,888 --> 00:13:10,583
Where should I put
my Buddha incense holder?
276
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,314
I'm pretty sure that's a bong.
277
00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:15,460
Where's Jeff?
278
00:13:17,663 --> 00:13:19,756
I guess he made his choice.
279
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:21,594
I wanna go to Jeff's fight.
280
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,827
As I told Jeff, no one that goes
to the fight can come to my party.
281
00:13:25,037 --> 00:13:29,235
He's dead to me. And if any of you
leave you'll be dead to me too.
282
00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:30,936
Let's sing.
283
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:34,135
♪ Jesus is a friend of mine ♪
284
00:13:34,446 --> 00:13:36,175
♪ Jesus is a friend of mine ♪
285
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:37,349
Everybody.
286
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,381
♪ Jesus is a friend of mine ♪♪
287
00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:41,678
Come on, everybody.
You don't know it?
288
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:45,323
You're banning Jeff from the party?
That doesn't seem very Christian.
289
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:50,219
Well, that's an interesting point
of view coming from an atheist.
290
00:13:50,796 --> 00:13:53,822
I did my best to create
a special Christmas
291
00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:56,160
for my one intact family.
292
00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:59,667
And, ahem, this is the thanks I get?
293
00:13:59,872 --> 00:14:02,102
Shirley, you are a guilt machine.
Mm.
294
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:05,539
And Annie knows a thing or two
about guilt, am I right, Jew?
295
00:14:06,078 --> 00:14:07,568
Say the whole word.
296
00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:10,338
Jewie?
297
00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:13,575
You would never catch
a Jehovah's Witness saying "Jewie."
298
00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:16,186
Tell it to the birthday cake
you never got.
299
00:14:16,388 --> 00:14:17,912
You know, there's an
old Buddhist saying...
300
00:14:18,123 --> 00:14:20,421
You are not a Buddhist,
you are in a cult.
301
00:14:20,626 --> 00:14:21,854
Suck it, Nietzsche.
302
00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:25,428
Guys, everyone's faith is weird.
Let's just not talk about it.
303
00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:27,531
[ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
304
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,102
Guys, guys.
305
00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:38,367
Guys, guys, are we really gonna
let religion divide us like this?
306
00:14:38,577 --> 00:14:40,545
I think there's one thing
we can all agree on.
307
00:14:40,746 --> 00:14:41,974
I get 72 virgins in heaven.
308
00:14:42,181 --> 00:14:45,878
No, that we would all like
to have Jeff at this party.
309
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:48,751
Mm. He can't come. Mm-mm.
BRITTA: Shirley.
310
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:52,754
I get that this is your first Christmas
since your husband left you.
311
00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:56,018
And I don't know, maybe that's why
you're being so stubborn,
312
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:58,958
because you're trying so hard
to recreate something
313
00:14:59,164 --> 00:15:01,632
that you're afraid
that you've lost forever.
314
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:04,735
But if you really want us
to be your second family,
315
00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:07,132
then you've gotta start
treating us like one.
316
00:15:07,339 --> 00:15:08,306
[###]
317
00:15:08,507 --> 00:15:09,804
Even if that means supporting us
318
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:12,239
when we do things
that you don't agree with.
319
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:15,245
And you can start
by rooting for Jeff
320
00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:19,042
while he rolls around on the ground,
groping another man.
321
00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:23,120
That's what I'm gonna do.
322
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,591
The cranberry sauce
has real cranberries.
323
00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:41,664
If this dude doesn't show up,
we're definitely going to Applebee's.
324
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:44,707
Because I'm getting into a fight
no matter what today, I'm telling you.
325
00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:46,207
[###]
326
00:15:46,412 --> 00:15:47,674
Oh, look who showed up.
327
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,110
Oh, check him out. Ohh!
328
00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:53,375
What's up, dude?
329
00:15:53,585 --> 00:15:55,246
No backup today, huh?
330
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:58,150
Looks like grandpa and weirdo couldn't
show up to get their teeth knocked out.
331
00:15:58,357 --> 00:16:01,849
Can I ask you a question? Are you
perpetually on your way to the gym?
332
00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:03,528
Dude, my life is a gym.
333
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:06,097
Well, what's up? What's up?
What's up, man?
334
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:07,822
What's up? What's up?
What's up? What's up?
335
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:09,466
What's up?
What's up?
336
00:16:09,668 --> 00:16:10,828
What's up?
What's up? What's up?
337
00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:13,829
Whoa.
338
00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:18,299
Dude, what is that?
One sec, these are very expensive.
339
00:16:19,878 --> 00:16:20,867
MIKE:
What is he doing?
340
00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:24,072
All right.
341
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,079
Dude, you wear a bracelet?
342
00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:27,912
[MIKE AND FRIENDS LAUGHING]
343
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,784
Your name is Mike, right?
So?
344
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,188
Mike, I'm not gonna fight you.
345
00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:41,194
I have a friend that believes this is the time of year
where you put aside your differences and make peace.
346
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:45,730
Me? I don't believe in any of that,
but I do believe in friendship.
347
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:48,702
And as much as I hate you
and the cast of Breakin',
348
00:16:48,907 --> 00:16:51,705
I have to ask myself,
what would Shirley do?
349
00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:53,803
[GRUNTS]
350
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,241
Oh, no.
What would Shirley do?
351
00:16:55,447 --> 00:16:59,577
I think that she would
shake your hand
352
00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:01,412
and wish you a Merry Christmas.
353
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:03,679
[GRUNTS]
[MIKE LAUGHS]
354
00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:06,156
Jeffrey.
355
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,258
Kick his ass.
356
00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:10,553
Cavalry's here. Shirts off, boys.
357
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,788
Come on, I'm being punk'd, right?
358
00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:14,363
MIKE:
Kick them. Come here.
359
00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:16,761
[FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE'S
"KISS WITH A FIST" PLAYING]
360
00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:36,844
[TROY YELLS]
361
00:17:41,693 --> 00:17:44,218
Please, it's Christmas.
It's December 10th.
362
00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:45,556
Ow!
363
00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:48,523
Not the moneymaker,
not the moneymaker.
364
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:49,962
Ow! Ow!
365
00:17:55,541 --> 00:17:56,701
You're welcome.
366
00:17:56,909 --> 00:18:00,436
SHIRLEY [SINGING]:
♪ Sensible night ♪
367
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:04,776
♪ Appropriate night ♪
368
00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:08,680
♪ Snow on ground ♪
369
00:18:08,887 --> 00:18:12,948
♪ Left and right ♪
370
00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:16,355
♪ Round yon purchase ♪
371
00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:20,828
♪ Of decorative things ♪
372
00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:24,264
♪ Tolerant rewrite ♪
373
00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:28,964
♪ Of carols to sing ♪
374
00:18:29,174 --> 00:18:33,008
♪ Function with relative ♪
375
00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:37,205
♪ Ease ♪
376
00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:41,443
♪ Function with relative ♪
377
00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:44,679
♪ Ease ♪♪
378
00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:45,879
Yeah.
379
00:18:46,091 --> 00:18:47,149
Thank you.
Yeah.
380
00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:49,589
Yeah.
Thank you.
381
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:52,821
Thank you, I get it.
Yes, it is I, Señor Chang.
382
00:18:53,031 --> 00:18:54,692
Shakira, hold this.
383
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:59,428
So I have finished grading
everyone's finals.
384
00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:02,801
And all of you are moving on.
385
00:19:03,008 --> 00:19:04,669
Yeah.
SHIRLEY: Yes.
386
00:19:05,377 --> 00:19:06,605
Yes.
Yeah.
387
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:09,609
Ha, ha. Except for Jeff.
388
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,806
SHIRLEY: Oh.
CHANGE: It turns out, you...
389
00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:14,748
Pause for dramatic effect.
390
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:17,580
- will be seeing me next semester.
391
00:19:17,789 --> 00:19:20,314
No!
392
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:25,395
In Spanish 102, ha-ha-ha!
Because he passed, you know.
393
00:19:25,597 --> 00:19:28,430
And I'm the only Spanish teacher.
Yay!
394
00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:30,192
I meant about Jeff passing.
395
00:19:30,402 --> 00:19:33,496
You being our Spanish teacher, eh.
396
00:19:34,706 --> 00:19:35,968
Whoa.
397
00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:37,402
Man, Mike got you good.
398
00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:40,009
Actually, that was
my present to Jeff.
399
00:19:40,212 --> 00:19:43,045
Ha, ha. I don't care.
I've got a mountain to shred.
400
00:19:43,782 --> 00:19:44,749
[###]
401
00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:48,317
Jeffrey, you're a man now.
How does it feel?
402
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,353
I got hit in the face, like, four times
before you punched me.
403
00:19:52,057 --> 00:19:54,651
Well, some people just
don't know how to say thank you.
404
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,521
Pierce, thank you.
405
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:05,270
And thanks to all of you for
showing up and having my back
406
00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:07,700
when we fought those fly dancers.
407
00:20:07,906 --> 00:20:09,066
So, uh...
408
00:20:09,808 --> 00:20:11,070
SHIRLEY & ANNIE:
Ooh!
409
00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:14,677
Merry...
No, no, no, holiday.
410
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:18,816
Actually, I was gonna say, "Merry
semester and happy new one."
411
00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:20,780
[SHIRLEY GIGGLES]
412
00:20:22,020 --> 00:20:23,885
ABED: Switch?
SHIRLEY: Switch, switch, next glass.
413
00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:26,148
PIERCE: Okay, he's running out.
He's running out.
414
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:32,790
[SINGING] ♪ O Christmas
Troy O Christmas Troy ♪
415
00:20:32,998 --> 00:20:35,489
♪ Thy candles shine so brightly ♪
416
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:38,431
♪ O Christmas Troy
O Christmas Troy ♪
417
00:20:38,637 --> 00:20:42,095
♪ Much pleasure
Thou canst give me ♪♪
418
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:45,069
Why do you guys do stuff like this?
419
00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:48,503
Because it's fun.
Yeah.
420
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,747
JEFF & ABED:
♪ The sight of thee at Christmastide ♪
421
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:55,147
♪ Spreads hope and gladness
Far and wide ♪
422
00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:59,654
ALL: ♪ O Christmas Troy
O Christmas Troy ♪
423
00:20:59,858 --> 00:21:05,763
♪ Thou tree most fair and lovely ♪♪
424
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:07,823
Don't move.
425
00:21:08,133 --> 00:21:09,964
This nose smells like special drink.