1
00:00:05,454 --> 00:00:06,454
Okay.
2
00:00:07,085 --> 00:00:08,085
Well...
3
00:00:08,404 --> 00:00:10,391
I did not get the job in New-York.
4
00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:12,240
But I got the real prize...
5
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:13,610
domestic bliss.
6
00:00:14,796 --> 00:00:16,923
Jan made me breakfast this morning.
7
00:00:18,169 --> 00:00:20,019
Well, she bought the milk.
8
00:00:21,358 --> 00:00:22,358
It's soy.
9
00:00:23,677 --> 00:00:25,777
This is why I do it.
10
00:00:26,719 --> 00:00:28,782
That's what I have to come home to.
11
00:00:33,420 --> 00:00:35,866
She probably won't be up
for a few hours.
12
00:00:36,307 --> 00:00:38,175
This is going be a very good year.
13
00:00:38,295 --> 00:00:39,453
Very good.
14
00:00:40,236 --> 00:00:41,300
Jan is at home.
15
00:00:41,420 --> 00:00:42,420
Jim is back.
16
00:00:42,930 --> 00:00:44,964
My protégé Ryan is at corporate.
17
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:46,613
Good stuff.
18
00:00:47,669 --> 00:00:49,005
Andy and Dwight
19
00:00:49,326 --> 00:00:52,198
are rocking the sales team.
I feel very blessed.
20
00:01:34,508 --> 00:01:37,167
Generally it's not a good idea
to click on any internet offers
21
00:01:37,287 --> 00:01:40,306
that you haven't requested.
What was the exact offer?
22
00:01:40,989 --> 00:01:43,051
It was for a...
video.
23
00:01:43,234 --> 00:01:45,284
Yeah, well, what kind of video?
24
00:01:45,601 --> 00:01:47,570
A celebrity sex tape.
25
00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:51,472
Really?
What kind of celebrity?
26
00:01:51,592 --> 00:01:54,035
- Not relevant.
- How much you paid for it?
27
00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:56,796
- You paid for it?
- It all happened so fast!
28
00:01:56,952 --> 00:01:59,514
I broke up with Karen
after the job interview.
29
00:02:00,110 --> 00:02:01,110
And, uh...
30
00:02:01,765 --> 00:02:04,580
It was a little awkward
when she came back from the city.
31
00:02:05,111 --> 00:02:08,250
She told me very clearly that just
because we were broken up doesn't mean
32
00:02:08,490 --> 00:02:10,273
that she was going anywhere, because...
33
00:02:10,393 --> 00:02:12,129
she had worked
really hard for her career.
34
00:02:12,369 --> 00:02:14,732
But the next day, her desk was empty.
35
00:02:15,505 --> 00:02:19,291
And as for me
and my current romantic life...
36
00:02:19,922 --> 00:02:21,156
I, uh...
37
00:02:21,296 --> 00:02:23,049
I'm single now and looking.
38
00:02:24,296 --> 00:02:26,146
So if you know anybody...
39
00:02:26,985 --> 00:02:30,177
Jim and I went to dinner a few times
when he got back from New York.
40
00:02:30,297 --> 00:02:32,252
I talked him through his breakup.
41
00:02:33,172 --> 00:02:35,530
It's really nice
to be good friends again.
42
00:02:36,487 --> 00:02:38,037
Are you kidding me?
43
00:02:38,484 --> 00:02:41,444
Pam and Jim are totally hooking up.
44
00:02:41,811 --> 00:02:43,365
All they do is smile.
45
00:02:43,485 --> 00:02:45,426
They're just keeping it a secret.
46
00:02:45,546 --> 00:02:46,364
Right?
47
00:02:46,484 --> 00:02:49,246
I don't know.
There is no evidence of intimacy.
48
00:02:49,796 --> 00:02:52,739
They've been in remarkably good moods.
Could be other things.
49
00:02:52,859 --> 00:02:54,956
Are you kidding me?
50
00:02:55,417 --> 00:02:59,052
And sunday, I'm thinking of going
to that flea market at the drive-in.
51
00:02:59,172 --> 00:03:00,364
Oh, that sounds fun.
52
00:03:00,494 --> 00:03:02,177
I'm mountain biking on sunday in...
53
00:03:02,297 --> 00:03:03,545
montage mountain.
54
00:03:03,687 --> 00:03:04,687
- Cool.
- Yeah.
55
00:03:04,798 --> 00:03:06,016
Well, have fun with that.
56
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:14,991
Ladies and gentlemen.
57
00:03:16,461 --> 00:03:17,569
I have some bad news.
58
00:03:19,023 --> 00:03:20,287
Meredith was hit by a car.
59
00:03:20,646 --> 00:03:21,999
- What?
- Where?
60
00:03:22,356 --> 00:03:24,159
It happened this morning
in the parking lot.
61
00:03:24,546 --> 00:03:25,911
I took her to the hospital.
62
00:03:26,547 --> 00:03:29,365
And the doctors tried to save her life.
63
00:03:29,485 --> 00:03:31,041
They did the best that they could.
64
00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,169
And she is going to be okay.
65
00:03:34,538 --> 00:03:36,380
What is wrong with you?
66
00:03:36,939 --> 00:03:38,593
Why did you have to phrase it like that?
67
00:03:38,772 --> 00:03:42,665
- So she's really going to be fine?
- Yes. She has a slight...
68
00:03:43,453 --> 00:03:44,897
pelvical fracture.
69
00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,761
But people have survived far worse.
70
00:03:48,163 --> 00:03:49,783
Thank God you were there.
71
00:03:51,046 --> 00:03:52,112
Yeah.
72
00:03:52,383 --> 00:03:53,890
Did you see who did it?
73
00:03:54,258 --> 00:03:56,153
No need.
We can just check the security tapes.
74
00:03:56,273 --> 00:03:58,150
Yeah,
kind of a good news/bad news there.
75
00:03:58,270 --> 00:04:02,997
I was able to be on the scene so quickly
because I was in the car that hit her.
76
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,300
Who was driving?
77
00:04:11,362 --> 00:04:12,541
Oh, Michael.
78
00:04:13,297 --> 00:04:17,180
One day Michael came in complaining
about a speed bump on the highway.
79
00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,390
I wonder who he ran over then.
80
00:04:22,373 --> 00:04:25,179
- It's only Meredith.
- Yeah, it's only Meredith.
81
00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:26,299
Thank God.
82
00:04:27,238 --> 00:04:29,282
But did you see
the way they looked at me?
83
00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:31,268
Like I was a murderer or something.
84
00:04:34,738 --> 00:04:36,857
- Why did you it?
- It was an accident.
85
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:38,734
- Was she talking back?
- No.
86
00:04:39,425 --> 00:04:40,802
Just got sick of that face?
87
00:04:40,922 --> 00:04:42,180
Did she owe you money?
88
00:04:43,488 --> 00:04:44,853
Is this downsizing?
89
00:04:45,298 --> 00:04:47,110
Did she spurn your advances?
90
00:04:49,502 --> 00:04:51,955
Hey, guys.
We're all gonna visit Meredith at lunch.
91
00:04:52,423 --> 00:04:54,249
And we're kicking in $5 for flowers.
92
00:04:54,549 --> 00:04:56,418
Who's we?
You and Jim?
93
00:04:56,692 --> 00:04:58,545
No, me and Stanley and Phyllis so far.
94
00:05:00,328 --> 00:05:01,882
I bet Jim goes too.
95
00:05:02,798 --> 00:05:04,161
I haven't asked him yet.
96
00:05:04,698 --> 00:05:07,054
- I bet you ask.
- I was planning on it.
97
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:09,304
I bet you were.
98
00:05:10,849 --> 00:05:12,742
Angela?
Are you coming?
99
00:05:13,235 --> 00:05:15,145
I can't.
Sprinkles is sick.
100
00:05:15,424 --> 00:05:18,476
She's been sick for some time.
Thank you for asking.
101
00:05:18,736 --> 00:05:20,959
No one asks about Sprinkles.
102
00:05:22,434 --> 00:05:24,871
I have to give her her meds,
I have to pet her.
103
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,744
And who will she eat lunch with?
104
00:05:26,864 --> 00:05:28,615
Can't your other cats keep her company?
105
00:05:28,735 --> 00:05:30,073
There's bad blood.
106
00:05:30,193 --> 00:05:31,728
Jealousies, cliques.
107
00:05:31,848 --> 00:05:34,498
Angela, you're the chairman
of the party planning committee.
108
00:05:34,923 --> 00:05:37,209
I shouldn't even be planning this.
It's your job.
109
00:05:39,488 --> 00:05:40,488
All right!
110
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:44,258
- My lord, my liege.
- Yes, Michael?
111
00:05:44,498 --> 00:05:48,658
So Ryan got promoted to corporate
where he is a little fish in a big pond.
112
00:05:49,238 --> 00:05:53,215
Whereas back here in Scranton,
I'm still top dog
113
00:05:53,992 --> 00:05:57,536
in a fairly large pond.
114
00:05:58,764 --> 00:06:01,166
So who is the real boss?
115
00:06:03,474 --> 00:06:05,876
The dog or a fish?
116
00:06:06,812 --> 00:06:09,241
So I need a little treat for the gang.
117
00:06:09,361 --> 00:06:11,400
Something to win their affections back.
118
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:14,016
Back?
Why is that, Michael?
119
00:06:14,362 --> 00:06:16,812
Well, I ran down Meredith in my car.
120
00:06:18,049 --> 00:06:20,772
- Did you do this on purpose?
- No, I was being negligent.
121
00:06:20,892 --> 00:06:22,921
But she's in the hospital,
she's fine,
122
00:06:23,265 --> 00:06:25,549
recovering nicely.
Tiny little crack in her pelvis.
123
00:06:26,237 --> 00:06:28,366
- But she will...
- It happened on company property?
124
00:06:28,486 --> 00:06:30,596
Yes.
It was on company property
125
00:06:31,083 --> 00:06:33,183
with company property, so...
126
00:06:33,372 --> 00:06:35,117
Double jeopardy, we are fine.
127
00:06:35,237 --> 00:06:38,437
I don't think you understand
how jeopardy works.
128
00:06:39,048 --> 00:06:40,678
Oh, right, I'm sorry.
129
00:06:40,798 --> 00:06:42,448
What is "we're fine"?
130
00:06:44,850 --> 00:06:46,699
People keep calling me a "wunderkind."
131
00:06:46,819 --> 00:06:48,658
I don't even know what that means.
132
00:06:48,987 --> 00:06:52,803
I mean, I know what it means.
It means very successful for your age.
133
00:06:52,923 --> 00:06:54,834
So I guess it makes sense, but...
134
00:06:55,428 --> 00:06:56,580
It's a weird word.
135
00:06:57,670 --> 00:06:59,750
- Hey, D.
- Hey monkey, what's up?
136
00:06:59,930 --> 00:07:01,100
Can you do me a favor?
137
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:03,371
Go to my place
and give Sprinkles her medicine?
138
00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:04,307
Sure.
139
00:07:04,427 --> 00:07:06,000
I have to visit the alkie.
140
00:07:06,363 --> 00:07:08,148
Check to see if she's faking.
141
00:07:08,581 --> 00:07:10,993
If a car hit me,
it wouldn't crack my pelvis.
142
00:07:11,113 --> 00:07:13,530
You know what?
I bet she cracked it at home.
143
00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:16,061
Jumped in front of the car
to get some worker's comp.
144
00:07:16,365 --> 00:07:18,115
I wouldn't put it past her.
145
00:07:20,443 --> 00:07:22,782
- So what do you need me to do?
- I wrote it out.
146
00:07:22,902 --> 00:07:24,120
There's a diabetes shot.
147
00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,555
Roll the insulin in your hands,
don't shake it.
148
00:07:26,675 --> 00:07:28,494
She gets an ace inhibitor with her meal.
149
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:31,787
But put her right in front of the dish,
or her cataracts won't let her see it.
150
00:07:32,389 --> 00:07:34,451
Mix one capsule of omega fatty acid
151
00:07:34,691 --> 00:07:36,260
in with her kidney medicine.
152
00:07:36,863 --> 00:07:40,207
And you wanna give that to her
15 minutes after she's eaten.
153
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:44,438
And there's a fungal cream, because
she has this infection under her tail.
154
00:07:44,558 --> 00:07:48,006
So you're gonna have to lift her tail
and put the cream right at the base.
155
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,115
Okay, I have an announcement.
156
00:07:51,235 --> 00:07:52,727
You pushed Darryl out the window?
157
00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:55,119
- You shot Dwight?
- No. No, that is not funny.
158
00:07:55,239 --> 00:07:56,789
I love my employees.
159
00:07:56,924 --> 00:07:59,430
Even though
I hit one of you with my car.
160
00:07:59,739 --> 00:08:01,770
For which I take full responsibility.
161
00:08:02,499 --> 00:08:03,855
Look, I'm just trying to take
162
00:08:04,095 --> 00:08:07,334
everybody's mind
off of this unavoidable tragedy
163
00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:10,167
and on to more positive things.
164
00:08:10,519 --> 00:08:13,771
So I thought we should plant a tree.
165
00:08:14,222 --> 00:08:16,005
Oh, good.
That means we don't have to work.
166
00:08:16,125 --> 00:08:17,907
We're leaving for the hospital at 1:00.
167
00:08:18,027 --> 00:08:19,680
So, like, a freedom tree.
168
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,873
- I can take 3 people.
- I can also take 3 people.
169
00:08:22,073 --> 00:08:23,277
- Separate cars.
- Pam?
170
00:08:23,397 --> 00:08:26,307
We'll get a card at the hospital,
and we'll sign it outside her room.
171
00:08:26,826 --> 00:08:29,746
Sales people can go later in the day.
Hourly workers can go at lunch.
172
00:08:29,866 --> 00:08:32,972
Okay, good, good. So we'll just
all go down there together at lunch.
173
00:08:33,105 --> 00:08:34,443
- Excellent.
- I was thin...
174
00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:36,427
- Good work, Pam.
- But if you...
175
00:08:39,272 --> 00:08:42,392
All right, since im the boss,
I will drive as well. Who wants shotgun?
176
00:08:42,512 --> 00:08:45,230
You can't be serious.
You ran a woman over this morning.
177
00:08:45,470 --> 00:08:49,151
Everybody inside the car
was fine, Stanley!
178
00:08:50,148 --> 00:08:51,663
Guess what?
I have flaws.
179
00:08:52,145 --> 00:08:53,364
What are they?
180
00:08:53,490 --> 00:08:55,747
Oh, I don't know.
I sing in the shower.
181
00:08:56,610 --> 00:08:58,923
Sometimes,
I spend too much time volunteering.
182
00:08:59,209 --> 00:09:01,663
Occasionally,
I'll hit somebody with my car.
183
00:09:02,088 --> 00:09:03,177
So sue me.
184
00:09:03,427 --> 00:09:05,531
No, don't sue me.
185
00:09:05,651 --> 00:09:08,477
That's the opposite of the point
that I am trying to make.
186
00:09:15,699 --> 00:09:16,832
I hate hospitals.
187
00:09:17,072 --> 00:09:18,835
In my mind, they are...
188
00:09:19,203 --> 00:09:21,044
associated with sickness.
189
00:09:24,371 --> 00:09:25,757
She looks like an angel.
190
00:09:25,997 --> 00:09:27,232
She looks awful.
191
00:09:27,352 --> 00:09:29,970
No... okay. She always looks
like that, it was not my fault.
192
00:09:30,417 --> 00:09:31,555
I think she's awake.
193
00:09:33,505 --> 00:09:34,844
She's in the coma.
194
00:09:47,016 --> 00:09:48,864
I brought all your friends
from the office.
195
00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:50,907
- At the same time.
- Yep.
196
00:09:51,416 --> 00:09:53,452
- Hello, Meredith.
- This is weird.
197
00:09:53,692 --> 00:09:55,277
Brought you some balloons.
198
00:09:55,397 --> 00:09:57,480
Why don't we...
Here you go.
199
00:09:58,590 --> 00:10:00,313
Tie these up, cheer up your tubes.
200
00:10:02,110 --> 00:10:03,702
Oh, for God's sake.
201
00:10:04,578 --> 00:10:06,423
- Nurse!
- No, don't bother the nurse.
202
00:10:06,663 --> 00:10:07,997
Just put it back in.
203
00:10:09,207 --> 00:10:11,720
I am going to be sick.
I'm going to puke.
204
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,803
I wouldn't...
I wouldn't worry about it.
205
00:10:13,923 --> 00:10:16,940
- Don't touch it.
- What are you doing? Just gimme that.
206
00:10:20,194 --> 00:10:21,194
Thanks.
207
00:10:23,321 --> 00:10:24,733
Does it hurt terribly?
208
00:10:24,982 --> 00:10:27,694
No, it's not too bad.
They have me on a lot of painkillers.
209
00:10:27,934 --> 00:10:29,804
Really?
What kind, codeine?
210
00:10:29,924 --> 00:10:31,531
Vicodin?
Percocet?
211
00:10:31,917 --> 00:10:33,241
Fentanyl?
Oxycontin?
212
00:10:33,804 --> 00:10:35,619
- Palladone?
- I have no idea.
213
00:10:38,881 --> 00:10:43,084
Well, it was really great of all of you
to come and visit me at the same time.
214
00:10:43,638 --> 00:10:45,286
I'll see you guys at the office.
215
00:10:46,077 --> 00:10:49,171
Okay, wait up, wait up, guys.
Guys, guys, hold on a sec.
216
00:10:49,291 --> 00:10:52,110
You know what I was thinking
might be sort of fun?
217
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:55,388
Is if you forgave me...
in front of everybody.
218
00:10:55,644 --> 00:10:56,903
I'm not gonna do that.
219
00:10:57,230 --> 00:11:00,980
'Cause you know what they say
in the bible about forgiveness?
220
00:11:01,492 --> 00:11:02,773
Forgiveness...
221
00:11:03,423 --> 00:11:05,147
is next to godliness.
222
00:11:05,267 --> 00:11:06,355
No, that's not...
223
00:11:08,224 --> 00:11:09,945
- You cracked my pelvis.
- Look, I jus...
224
00:11:10,410 --> 00:11:12,533
I don't understand
what is preventing you
225
00:11:12,653 --> 00:11:14,658
from laughing this off
and giving me a big hug.
226
00:11:14,988 --> 00:11:16,076
You're not forgiven.
227
00:11:16,919 --> 00:11:17,919
Come on.
228
00:11:21,676 --> 00:11:22,969
Do I need to be liked?
229
00:11:23,089 --> 00:11:24,361
Absolutely not.
230
00:11:24,481 --> 00:11:26,031
I like to be liked.
231
00:11:26,232 --> 00:11:27,675
I enjoy being liked.
232
00:11:28,061 --> 00:11:29,540
I have to be liked.
233
00:11:29,983 --> 00:11:31,809
But it's not, like, this...
234
00:11:31,929 --> 00:11:35,471
compulsive need to be liked.
235
00:11:35,731 --> 00:11:38,056
Like my need to be praised.
236
00:11:41,983 --> 00:11:42,983
Hey.
237
00:11:43,041 --> 00:11:44,479
hey, monkey.
238
00:11:44,794 --> 00:11:45,864
Any problems?
239
00:11:46,107 --> 00:11:47,625
Well, you left the TV on.
240
00:11:47,898 --> 00:11:49,321
And your cat is dead.
241
00:11:50,230 --> 00:11:52,037
- What?!
- Sparkles, the white one, is dead.
242
00:11:52,157 --> 00:11:53,354
Sprinkles.
243
00:11:54,072 --> 00:11:55,402
That was the sick one, right?
244
00:12:00,376 --> 00:12:01,913
But I thought she had more time.
245
00:12:06,150 --> 00:12:07,836
Did she look...
246
00:12:09,126 --> 00:12:10,839
When you saw her, how was she looking?
247
00:12:11,132 --> 00:12:12,132
Really dead.
248
00:12:13,129 --> 00:12:14,815
Like a, just a dead cat.
249
00:12:16,105 --> 00:12:17,436
So...
250
00:12:17,556 --> 00:12:18,667
Hey, come on.
251
00:12:19,108 --> 00:12:20,544
Don't be sad.
Just...
252
00:12:20,664 --> 00:12:21,933
Okay?
Just...
253
00:12:22,917 --> 00:12:25,169
- She's in a better place.
- All right.
254
00:12:26,243 --> 00:12:29,013
Actually, the place that she's in
is the freezer.
255
00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:31,196
Because of the odor.
256
00:12:36,659 --> 00:12:37,971
It's gonna be okay.
257
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,610
Okay, you know what?
258
00:12:39,730 --> 00:12:42,745
Everybody, let's just get over
the whole Meredith thing.
259
00:12:42,865 --> 00:12:44,561
She cracked her pelvis.
260
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,666
A tiny, little crack.
And she's gonna be fine.
261
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:47,960
So let just...
262
00:12:48,046 --> 00:12:49,669
Michael, Angela's cat died.
263
00:12:51,387 --> 00:12:52,481
Sprinkles?
264
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:05,389
I'm sorry, Angela.
265
00:13:05,916 --> 00:13:07,634
Man, what a day, huh?
266
00:13:09,045 --> 00:13:12,108
How could it get any worse?
Her computer crashes with the porn,
267
00:13:12,613 --> 00:13:14,903
and then Meredith with the accident,
and then...
268
00:13:16,015 --> 00:13:17,072
Sprinkles!
269
00:13:17,542 --> 00:13:18,542
God!
270
00:13:19,471 --> 00:13:20,679
That's three things.
271
00:13:20,799 --> 00:13:22,363
I'll tell you what's going on.
272
00:13:22,580 --> 00:13:24,317
This office is cursed.
273
00:13:27,189 --> 00:13:28,755
And we need to do something about it.
274
00:13:29,064 --> 00:13:30,922
Well, I am taking responsibility.
275
00:13:31,042 --> 00:13:34,405
An it's up to me
to get rid of the curse
276
00:13:34,669 --> 00:13:37,193
that hit Meredith with my car.
277
00:13:38,357 --> 00:13:40,210
I'm not superstitious, but...
278
00:13:40,330 --> 00:13:42,610
I'm... I am a little stitious.
279
00:13:45,001 --> 00:13:48,372
Did anyone do anything
involving an Indian burial ground?
280
00:13:49,043 --> 00:13:51,203
- Like what?
- Like park on it.
281
00:13:51,462 --> 00:13:53,016
Or dig up a body.
282
00:13:54,731 --> 00:13:57,639
Toby?
Do you have anything you wanna tell us?
283
00:13:57,759 --> 00:14:01,719
No, I did not violate
an Indian burial ground.
284
00:14:02,385 --> 00:14:04,109
In fact, I had some good luck recently.
285
00:14:04,231 --> 00:14:07,785
Alfredo's pizza picked my business card
out of the basket, so...
286
00:14:07,905 --> 00:14:09,245
I get a week of free pies.
287
00:14:09,365 --> 00:14:10,551
- That's cool.
- Yeah.
288
00:14:10,671 --> 00:14:11,729
Perfect.
289
00:14:12,355 --> 00:14:14,362
So our tragedy is your good luck.
290
00:14:15,731 --> 00:14:16,731
Satan.
291
00:14:17,041 --> 00:14:18,801
Sprinkles never hurt a soul.
292
00:14:19,168 --> 00:14:22,296
God, in your infinite wisdom,
how can you do this?
293
00:14:22,416 --> 00:14:25,075
She wasn't ready.
She had so much left to accomplish.
294
00:14:25,441 --> 00:14:26,893
It is only a cat.
295
00:14:27,513 --> 00:14:28,587
You never...
296
00:14:29,230 --> 00:14:30,780
You don't like them.
297
00:14:31,356 --> 00:14:33,876
Cats do not provide
milk or wool or meat.
298
00:14:34,889 --> 00:14:37,114
- Dwight, you haven't seen Meredith?
- No, I have not.
299
00:14:37,234 --> 00:14:40,007
Well, I think you should go
to the hospital and pay your respects.
300
00:14:41,043 --> 00:14:42,298
I do not respect her.
301
00:14:42,418 --> 00:14:43,540
But I will go.
302
00:14:44,915 --> 00:14:46,044
All right.
303
00:14:46,292 --> 00:14:48,155
I would now like to talk about
304
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,268
each of your
individual religious beliefs.
305
00:14:51,604 --> 00:14:54,522
Oh, Michael,
you can't ask about religious beliefs.
306
00:14:54,854 --> 00:14:57,359
Satan is the master of lies.
307
00:14:57,479 --> 00:14:59,693
Everything he says is the opposite.
308
00:15:00,168 --> 00:15:02,708
All right, well, then you can ask
about religious beliefs.
309
00:15:02,828 --> 00:15:04,608
Thank you for the permission.
Psych!
310
00:15:05,041 --> 00:15:08,035
Alright, let's just go around the room,
and tell me what you believe in.
311
00:15:09,731 --> 00:15:11,549
- Catholic.
- Okay.
312
00:15:11,669 --> 00:15:13,609
- Presbyterian.
- Oh, me too.
313
00:15:13,857 --> 00:15:15,234
- For real?
- Same religion.
314
00:15:17,386 --> 00:15:20,818
I'm a lutheran, and bob is a unitarian.
It keeps things spicy.
315
00:15:21,294 --> 00:15:22,917
That's why we're cursed.
316
00:15:23,292 --> 00:15:26,881
I've been involved in a number of cults,
both as a leader and a follower.
317
00:15:27,078 --> 00:15:30,856
You have more fun as a follower
but you make more money as a leader.
318
00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:33,965
Kelly, you are hindu.
So you believe in Buddha.
319
00:15:34,482 --> 00:15:35,688
That's buddhists.
320
00:15:36,215 --> 00:15:37,215
Are you sure?
321
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:38,979
No.
322
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:40,730
What are you?
323
00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:45,241
Well, if you're gonna reduce my identity
to my religion, then I'm sikh.
324
00:15:45,542 --> 00:15:47,792
But I also like hip-hop and NPR.
325
00:15:48,042 --> 00:15:50,995
And I'm restoring a 1967 corvette
in my spare time.
326
00:15:51,457 --> 00:15:53,700
Okay.
So one sikh,
327
00:15:54,670 --> 00:15:55,735
and...
328
00:15:57,148 --> 00:15:59,982
As a farmer,
I know that when an animal is sick,
329
00:16:00,102 --> 00:16:03,822
sometimes the right thing to do
is to put it out of its misery.
330
00:16:04,124 --> 00:16:06,218
With the electricity
used to keep Meredith alive,
331
00:16:06,677 --> 00:16:09,408
we could power a small fan for two days.
332
00:16:09,823 --> 00:16:11,489
You tell me what's unethical.
333
00:16:11,875 --> 00:16:14,351
Blink once
if you want me to pull the plug.
334
00:16:15,417 --> 00:16:17,291
Don't pull any plugs.
335
00:16:17,508 --> 00:16:18,930
How are you doing, miss Palmer?
336
00:16:19,050 --> 00:16:20,213
- Better.
- Excellent.
337
00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:21,959
Are you a doctor or a male nurse?
338
00:16:22,079 --> 00:16:24,201
I'm an intern, which makes me a doctor.
339
00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:28,750
Her chart doesn't indicate
that she had a hysterectomy,
340
00:16:28,870 --> 00:16:30,993
but she did,
or at least, she got time off for one.
341
00:16:32,624 --> 00:16:35,055
So that is where her uterus went.
342
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,501
Your last tetanus shot was when you were
bitten by a bat a few months ago?
343
00:16:40,019 --> 00:16:43,970
Yes. Dwight here trapped it
in a bag against my head.
344
00:16:44,788 --> 00:16:45,814
Just doing my job.
345
00:16:45,934 --> 00:16:47,985
You also were recently bitten
by a raccoon?
346
00:16:48,105 --> 00:16:49,105
And a rat.
347
00:16:49,670 --> 00:16:51,220
Separate occasions.
348
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:53,911
Spend your whole life
349
00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:57,217
trying to get people to like you,
and then you run over one person
350
00:16:57,575 --> 00:16:58,771
with your car.
351
00:16:59,657 --> 00:17:01,410
And it's not even
one of the popular ones.
352
00:17:01,638 --> 00:17:04,671
Everybody gets on your case.
Doesn't make any sense.
353
00:17:05,604 --> 00:17:06,604
God is dead.
354
00:17:07,254 --> 00:17:09,881
If there was a god,
then Ryan and I would be married by now.
355
00:17:10,603 --> 00:17:13,193
Maybe believing in god was a mistake.
356
00:17:14,597 --> 00:17:16,622
What did people believe in before?
357
00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:19,105
The sun?
358
00:17:19,699 --> 00:17:22,346
Maybe there's some sort of animal
359
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,729
that we could make a sacrifice to.
360
00:17:25,229 --> 00:17:26,229
Like...
361
00:17:26,943 --> 00:17:28,217
a giant buffalo.
362
00:17:28,713 --> 00:17:32,227
Or some sort of monster,
363
00:17:32,368 --> 00:17:35,259
like something with the body of a walrus
364
00:17:36,701 --> 00:17:38,792
with the head of...
365
00:17:39,579 --> 00:17:41,030
a sea lion.
366
00:17:41,736 --> 00:17:44,863
Or something with the body of an egret
367
00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:48,903
with the head of a meerkat.
368
00:17:49,940 --> 00:17:51,644
Or just...
369
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,813
the head of a monkey with...
370
00:17:56,639 --> 00:17:58,388
the antlers of a reindeer.
371
00:18:01,464 --> 00:18:03,192
With the body of...
372
00:18:09,037 --> 00:18:10,140
a porcupine.
373
00:18:13,116 --> 00:18:14,551
I will do some research.
374
00:18:14,671 --> 00:18:16,515
- Okay.
- I can help you with that.
375
00:18:20,615 --> 00:18:23,331
So just to be safe,
they are giving her the rabies vaccine.
376
00:18:24,335 --> 00:18:25,758
God, rabies?
377
00:18:26,388 --> 00:18:28,508
I was in the hospital room with her.
378
00:18:29,017 --> 00:18:30,828
How contagious is that?
Is that like an STD?
379
00:18:30,948 --> 00:18:34,360
- No. You gotta be bitten by something.
- This place is so cursed.
380
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,828
Actually, the doctor said she was lucky,
381
00:18:36,948 --> 00:18:39,380
'cause the only way to beat rabies
is to start treatment
382
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:40,906
before the symptoms set in.
383
00:18:41,026 --> 00:18:42,232
Lockjaw.
384
00:18:49,099 --> 00:18:51,343
I know a lot of you
are very upset with me
385
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:54,110
for endangering Meredith's life
by hitting her
386
00:18:54,449 --> 00:18:55,449
with my car.
387
00:18:56,358 --> 00:19:00,146
But it may make you feel a little bit
better to know that before that happened
388
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:02,229
Dwight endangered her life
389
00:19:02,578 --> 00:19:06,025
by putting a garbage bag over her head
and it had a bat in it.
390
00:19:07,156 --> 00:19:08,308
Six of one, really.
391
00:19:08,428 --> 00:19:10,474
Turns out, Meredith
392
00:19:10,594 --> 00:19:13,064
has been exposed to rabies.
393
00:19:13,184 --> 00:19:17,451
Which is, like, ten times worse
than a little crack in your pelvis.
394
00:19:17,982 --> 00:19:21,378
Thanks to me, she went to the hospital,
and that saved her life.
395
00:19:21,921 --> 00:19:23,178
Curse is broken.
396
00:19:23,858 --> 00:19:25,334
Curse is broken, people!
397
00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:27,793
Oh, there is a god!
398
00:19:28,095 --> 00:19:30,923
And he has a plan for us after all.
So go home,
399
00:19:31,163 --> 00:19:34,914
get some rest.
Very, very good work today.
400
00:19:36,046 --> 00:19:37,581
Got a lot accomplished.
401
00:19:39,738 --> 00:19:43,320
Is there a god?
If not, what are all these churches for?
402
00:19:44,287 --> 00:19:47,188
And who is Jesus' dad?
403
00:19:56,485 --> 00:19:57,485
Oh, well.
404
00:19:57,813 --> 00:20:00,702
If they aren't together now,
then they probably never will be.
405
00:20:03,276 --> 00:20:05,114
I thought they'd be good together.
406
00:20:05,234 --> 00:20:07,204
Like PB & J.
407
00:20:08,382 --> 00:20:11,377
Pam Beesly and Jim.
408
00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:15,238
What a waste.
409
00:20:15,856 --> 00:20:18,224
What a waste.
410
00:20:18,752 --> 00:20:20,774
I told you I'm not dating anyone.
411
00:20:21,236 --> 00:20:24,834
And even if I was,
I don't think it's anyone's business.
412
00:20:25,794 --> 00:20:26,794
I mean,
413
00:20:27,057 --> 00:20:29,783
when I do fall in love,
like, when it's for real,
414
00:20:30,010 --> 00:20:32,294
the last person
I'm gonna talk about it to
415
00:20:32,414 --> 00:20:35,317
is a camera crew or my coworkers.
416
00:20:39,879 --> 00:20:41,229
Almost marrying Roy Anderson
417
00:20:41,349 --> 00:20:44,423
was as close to Pamela Anderson
as I ever wanna be.
418
00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:48,043
Trust me,
when I fall in love, you'll know.
419
00:20:55,717 --> 00:20:59,127
Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton
Meredith Palmer memorial
420
00:20:59,325 --> 00:21:02,983
celebrity rabies awareness fun run race
for the cure, this is Pam.
421
00:21:03,103 --> 00:21:04,103
Pro-am.
422
00:21:04,355 --> 00:21:05,535
Pro-am race for the...
423
00:21:05,655 --> 00:21:06,719
They hung up.
424
00:21:07,878 --> 00:21:11,740
A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a
car to learn that she may have rabies.
425
00:21:11,957 --> 00:21:14,500
But that is where we are in America.
426
00:21:15,044 --> 00:21:18,266
And that does not sit right with me.
427
00:21:18,606 --> 00:21:23,668
And that is why I'm hosting a fun
run race for the cure for rabies...
428
00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:28,448
To raise awareness of the fact
that there is a cure for rabies.
429
00:21:28,834 --> 00:21:32,601
A disease that has been
largely eradicated in the U.S.
430
00:21:32,981 --> 00:21:35,182
But not very many people know that.
431
00:21:35,427 --> 00:21:37,678
No, rabies.
432
00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:39,897
Babies would be a good idea.
433
00:21:40,017 --> 00:21:41,880
Can I put you down for a dime?
434
00:21:43,949 --> 00:21:46,008
Hi, Stankley,
how many sponsors so far?
435
00:21:46,128 --> 00:21:47,231
Zero.
436
00:21:48,338 --> 00:21:50,548
Come on, man.
You gotta step it up.
437
00:21:50,668 --> 00:21:51,921
It's for a good cause.
438
00:21:52,041 --> 00:21:54,619
Jan called this morning
and pledged $500.
439
00:21:55,024 --> 00:21:56,748
Isn't that your money?
440
00:21:58,679 --> 00:22:01,900
That is for a good cause.
441
00:22:03,501 --> 00:22:05,950
- Phyllis, how the rabies quilt coming?
- Oh, it's coming.
442
00:22:06,172 --> 00:22:09,352
Oh, look at that! Three.
Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis.
443
00:22:10,255 --> 00:22:13,676
You can't make me run.
It is not a real charity.
444
00:22:13,796 --> 00:22:16,291
It's stupid, Michael
and I'm not gonna do it.
445
00:22:16,546 --> 00:22:18,845
You didn't run for me
when I thought I had skin cancer.
446
00:22:19,372 --> 00:22:23,638
I know that you're probably scared of
people seeing your fat legs in shorts.
447
00:22:24,162 --> 00:22:25,784
No.
Okay.
448
00:22:26,730 --> 00:22:31,365
Well, back in olden times,
a large, fat person like this
449
00:22:31,485 --> 00:22:33,021
was a person of power.
450
00:22:33,322 --> 00:22:36,614
A person who had money,
who could buy food.
451
00:22:36,734 --> 00:22:39,636
A person of respect,
like the regional manager of the day.
452
00:22:39,866 --> 00:22:43,109
Whereas someone athletic
and trim like myself
453
00:22:43,229 --> 00:22:46,149
was somebody who worked in the fields,
and I was a peasant.
454
00:22:46,582 --> 00:22:48,111
I just don't wanna run.
455
00:22:48,231 --> 00:22:50,260
I didn't bring my sneakers
or my clothes.
456
00:22:50,500 --> 00:22:53,109
You're gonna have to run
or you're gonna be in a lot of trouble.
457
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,069
It is not olden times anymore.
458
00:22:59,933 --> 00:23:01,883
I'm petrified of nipple chafing.
459
00:23:02,418 --> 00:23:04,868
Once it starts, is a vicious circle.
460
00:23:05,792 --> 00:23:07,821
You have sensitive nipples, they chafe.
461
00:23:07,941 --> 00:23:09,319
So they become more sensitive.
462
00:23:09,439 --> 00:23:10,737
So they chafe more.
463
00:23:10,857 --> 00:23:11,857
So...
464
00:23:12,594 --> 00:23:13,752
I take precautions.
465
00:23:16,065 --> 00:23:17,129
Hey, Angela.
466
00:23:21,607 --> 00:23:23,214
I'm sorry about your cat.
467
00:23:28,928 --> 00:23:30,432
This is Sprinkles.
468
00:23:30,794 --> 00:23:32,544
She was my best friend.
469
00:23:33,374 --> 00:23:35,717
I kept her
going through countless ailments.
470
00:23:36,918 --> 00:23:41,552
I asked Dwight Schrute to feed her once,
and she is now deceased.
471
00:23:46,538 --> 00:23:48,563
This is Halloween last year.
472
00:23:50,315 --> 00:23:52,020
Just a couple of kittens.
473
00:23:53,293 --> 00:23:54,643
Out on the town.
474
00:24:07,389 --> 00:24:09,659
I'm having relationship problems.
475
00:24:10,044 --> 00:24:12,737
And since you're always having
relationship problems,
476
00:24:12,857 --> 00:24:14,700
I thought you could give me some advice.
477
00:24:14,820 --> 00:24:15,875
What's wrong?
478
00:24:16,079 --> 00:24:19,915
I have this crazy thought
that I know is crazy...
479
00:24:20,775 --> 00:24:22,669
that maybe Dwight killed my cat.
480
00:24:24,722 --> 00:24:27,268
When I got home,
Sprinkles' body was in the freezer
481
00:24:27,388 --> 00:24:29,068
where Dwight said he left her.
482
00:24:29,294 --> 00:24:32,309
But all my bags of frozen french fries
had been clawed to shreds!
483
00:24:33,156 --> 00:24:34,607
Something's not right.
484
00:24:35,379 --> 00:24:36,876
The vet's doing an autopsy.
485
00:24:37,140 --> 00:24:38,601
Angela, I'm sorry.
486
00:24:38,808 --> 00:24:40,682
Did Roy ever killed one of your cats?
487
00:24:41,596 --> 00:24:43,583
I'm more of a dog person.
488
00:24:48,182 --> 00:24:49,814
So what's your strategy for this race?
489
00:24:49,934 --> 00:24:51,272
I'm gonna start fast.
490
00:24:51,392 --> 00:24:54,616
Then I'm gonna run fast in the middle.
Then I'm gonna end fast.
491
00:24:54,736 --> 00:24:57,758
- Why won't more people do that?
- 'Cause they're stupid.
492
00:25:00,419 --> 00:25:01,419
What?
493
00:25:14,475 --> 00:25:16,679
Oh, um, no, that's not...
494
00:25:17,038 --> 00:25:19,805
- I mean, that wasn't...
- Yeah, that was, um...
495
00:25:19,925 --> 00:25:23,475
I mean, I can see
how it would seem a bit like we, uh...
496
00:25:23,732 --> 00:25:25,482
How it looks like, um...
497
00:25:26,722 --> 00:25:28,550
But nowadays,
you can edit anything, right?
498
00:25:28,670 --> 00:25:30,987
I mean, you can edit anything to...
499
00:25:31,107 --> 00:25:33,088
Look like, um, anything.
500
00:25:33,208 --> 00:25:34,991
- So...
- Yeah, I gave him a ride home
501
00:25:35,111 --> 00:25:36,983
- because...
- Right.
502
00:25:37,913 --> 00:25:38,983
We're dating.
503
00:25:42,169 --> 00:25:43,169
There it is.
504
00:25:44,045 --> 00:25:45,194
Uh, yeah.
505
00:25:46,088 --> 00:25:49,413
We haven't told anybody,
but it's going really great.
506
00:25:51,165 --> 00:25:52,165
Right?
507
00:25:52,494 --> 00:25:54,153
It is going really great.
508
00:25:56,297 --> 00:25:57,297
Shut up!
509
00:25:57,838 --> 00:26:00,370
You're taking this out on me,
but I was only the messenger.
510
00:26:00,610 --> 00:26:01,610
Oh, really?
511
00:26:07,324 --> 00:26:09,298
You'll feel better after the 5k.
512
00:26:10,086 --> 00:26:11,990
Exercise is good for depression.
513
00:26:12,387 --> 00:26:14,673
I am not depressed.
I'm in grief!
514
00:26:17,043 --> 00:26:21,568
We have raised almost $700,
most of it from me and Jan.
515
00:26:22,954 --> 00:26:25,243
When do they put that
on the giant check?
516
00:26:25,479 --> 00:26:27,738
Or is that something
that we write in later?
517
00:26:27,858 --> 00:26:30,970
Well, a giant check costs
about $200 to make up.
518
00:26:31,574 --> 00:26:33,728
I have a print shop standing by, but...
519
00:26:33,848 --> 00:26:36,182
What do you think, Michael?
That's over 25% of our funds.
520
00:26:39,109 --> 00:26:41,274
It's... a tough decision.
521
00:26:42,621 --> 00:26:44,432
I always imagined it with a giant check.
522
00:26:44,552 --> 00:26:47,446
Yeah, I mean, I personally am
definitely on board for the giant check.
523
00:26:47,566 --> 00:26:48,781
Giant check it is.
524
00:26:49,171 --> 00:26:53,635
I don't know. On the other hand, it does
leave less money for bat birth control.
525
00:26:54,109 --> 00:26:55,472
Bat birth control.
526
00:26:56,485 --> 00:26:59,796
This money's going to bat birth control,
right? That's what you told me.
527
00:27:00,050 --> 00:27:01,472
You didn't contribute very much.
528
00:27:01,922 --> 00:27:03,944
I was also hoping to hand
529
00:27:04,189 --> 00:27:06,311
the giant check to a rabies doctor.
530
00:27:06,431 --> 00:27:08,679
- How's that going?
- Not well.
531
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,874
A doctor won't come out
to collect a check for $700.
532
00:27:11,994 --> 00:27:14,183
Or $500 if we go with the giant check.
533
00:27:14,303 --> 00:27:16,114
- Which we are.
- And also...
534
00:27:16,234 --> 00:27:18,580
There is no such thing
as a rabies doctor.
535
00:27:19,484 --> 00:27:20,834
How about a rabies nurse?
536
00:27:20,954 --> 00:27:22,520
- I don't think so.
- You know what?
537
00:27:22,642 --> 00:27:25,490
I've actually seen ads for nurses
that you can hire by the hour.
538
00:27:25,610 --> 00:27:27,265
For parties and bachelor events.
539
00:27:27,860 --> 00:27:29,714
That's possible.
look into that.
540
00:27:29,969 --> 00:27:33,052
Great, it's gonna cost 200 bucks.
And actually, more...
541
00:27:33,172 --> 00:27:34,677
with tips.
542
00:27:34,797 --> 00:27:36,522
Maybe we should skip the ceremony
543
00:27:36,642 --> 00:27:39,185
and just set up
a college fund for Meredith's son.
544
00:27:40,090 --> 00:27:41,505
Have you met that kid?
545
00:27:41,625 --> 00:27:43,321
I'm not going to college.
546
00:27:47,885 --> 00:27:52,133
5k means five kilometers,
not 5,000 miles.
547
00:27:52,548 --> 00:27:53,548
Come in.
548
00:27:55,038 --> 00:27:56,516
- My god!
- What're you doing?!
549
00:27:56,636 --> 00:27:58,560
- You said, "come in!"
- No, I didn't. Just...
550
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:00,361
- Oh, my god.
- Please, get out.
551
00:28:01,876 --> 00:28:04,123
So I closed the door
but the image of his...
552
00:28:04,243 --> 00:28:06,086
- Baguette.
- dangling participle
553
00:28:06,255 --> 00:28:08,546
still burned in my eyes.
554
00:28:08,678 --> 00:28:09,865
I can imagine.
555
00:28:11,803 --> 00:28:12,803
Come in.
556
00:28:13,556 --> 00:28:14,750
May I enter the room?
557
00:28:14,942 --> 00:28:17,287
Yes.
Or "come in."
558
00:28:19,702 --> 00:28:21,190
See how I did that?
559
00:28:22,355 --> 00:28:25,495
That's the way you should enter a room.
You knock and wait for the all clear.
560
00:28:25,686 --> 00:28:27,268
You couldn't undress in the men's room?
561
00:28:27,388 --> 00:28:29,967
Yes. But I have an office,
so why would I do that?
562
00:28:30,338 --> 00:28:33,064
On average, how many hours a day
do you spend naked in your office?
563
00:28:33,304 --> 00:28:35,534
- Just ballpark.
- European offices are always naked.
564
00:28:36,066 --> 00:28:38,737
- They're so not.
- Besides, my shirt covered most of it.
565
00:28:38,857 --> 00:28:40,333
I only saw where it ended.
566
00:28:40,791 --> 00:28:42,621
- Gross.
- That's not gross!
567
00:28:42,741 --> 00:28:45,124
It's the human body.
What is your problem?
568
00:28:45,244 --> 00:28:48,473
Pam, you're an artist, right?
Think of me as one of your models.
569
00:28:49,462 --> 00:28:50,545
Okay, you know what?
570
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:54,186
I don't want this to detract from what
we really need to think about today.
571
00:28:54,306 --> 00:28:56,394
It's not fair to people with rabies.
572
00:28:56,681 --> 00:28:59,577
And that's the point, right?
573
00:28:59,994 --> 00:29:02,177
Okay.
Let's go have some fun all right.
574
00:29:03,081 --> 00:29:06,318
They say if you're nervous around
someone, you should picture them naked.
575
00:29:06,684 --> 00:29:08,826
I do not recommend this strategy.
576
00:29:09,227 --> 00:29:11,617
Try picturing them with more clothes on.
577
00:29:11,911 --> 00:29:13,348
Or a funny coat.
578
00:29:15,879 --> 00:29:18,090
I'm sorry, is this a working office?
579
00:29:18,210 --> 00:29:20,035
And not a french beach?
580
00:29:21,731 --> 00:29:23,019
Okay, name, please?
581
00:29:23,139 --> 00:29:25,028
Creed Bratton, 75+ division.
582
00:29:25,304 --> 00:29:27,965
- You're over 75 years old?
- 82 november 1st.
583
00:29:28,085 --> 00:29:31,060
- How much is the prize money?
- There's no prize money.
584
00:29:31,180 --> 00:29:32,464
Well, is any of this real?
585
00:29:32,804 --> 00:29:33,935
Check that out.
586
00:29:34,055 --> 00:29:36,709
Look at me, I'm Toby!
I'm stretching.
587
00:29:36,829 --> 00:29:38,911
I know what l'm doing.
Why is he even here?
588
00:29:43,331 --> 00:29:46,750
So I heard
that you were peeping on Michael.
589
00:29:47,244 --> 00:29:48,504
What?
No, it was not...
590
00:29:48,749 --> 00:29:50,282
I don't know what your deal is,
591
00:29:50,402 --> 00:29:52,672
but he's mine, okay?
So hands off.
592
00:29:53,711 --> 00:29:55,679
Okay, everybody, listen up!
593
00:29:57,304 --> 00:29:58,435
Thank you for coming.
594
00:29:58,555 --> 00:30:01,408
Before we get started,
I want to say a few words
595
00:30:01,528 --> 00:30:04,430
about this deadly disease called rabies.
596
00:30:04,938 --> 00:30:06,803
And I'd like you to take a look
597
00:30:07,077 --> 00:30:09,507
into the face of rabies.
598
00:30:12,257 --> 00:30:13,604
That should scare you.
599
00:30:13,858 --> 00:30:16,562
It scares me.
You people need to educate yourselves.
600
00:30:16,807 --> 00:30:20,171
Myth: three americans every year
die from rabies.
601
00:30:20,815 --> 00:30:25,327
Fact: four americans every year
die from rabies.
602
00:30:25,747 --> 00:30:27,121
How many of you
603
00:30:27,458 --> 00:30:30,719
know someone who has been afflicted
or affected by rabies?
604
00:30:31,849 --> 00:30:33,030
Show of hands.
605
00:30:33,150 --> 00:30:34,924
One, two, three...
too many to count.
606
00:30:35,389 --> 00:30:37,083
It is truly the silent killer.
607
00:30:37,618 --> 00:30:40,294
No, it is the foaming, barking killer.
608
00:30:41,180 --> 00:30:43,334
And it is something that...
Darryl!
609
00:30:43,806 --> 00:30:45,625
- What're you doing?
- I give him a peanut.
610
00:30:45,745 --> 00:30:47,323
No, don't give him...
Just...
611
00:30:47,566 --> 00:30:49,882
Did you...
hear anything I said?
612
00:30:50,122 --> 00:30:52,730
- Look how happy he is.
- He's happy because he's insane.
613
00:30:53,225 --> 00:30:54,538
That's a perfect example
614
00:30:55,084 --> 00:30:57,580
of the kind of awareness
we need to generate.
615
00:30:58,118 --> 00:30:59,140
Where's the nurse?
616
00:30:59,682 --> 00:31:02,806
- This is the reason we're here.
- Hello, Michael.
617
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:04,199
Oh, hey, I know you.
618
00:31:04,319 --> 00:31:05,631
- Elizabeth, right?
- Yeah.
619
00:31:06,911 --> 00:31:09,065
Very cool you went back
and got your degree.
620
00:31:09,432 --> 00:31:12,720
I would like you to accept this check
621
00:31:14,314 --> 00:31:16,739
for $340
622
00:31:17,304 --> 00:31:18,963
made out to Science.
623
00:31:20,063 --> 00:31:22,299
Make sure that
that gets into the right hands.
624
00:31:27,188 --> 00:31:28,188
You got it?
625
00:31:28,819 --> 00:31:29,819
Okay.
626
00:31:32,094 --> 00:31:33,953
Fettuccini Alfredo.
627
00:31:35,319 --> 00:31:36,728
Time to carbo load.
628
00:31:41,474 --> 00:31:45,028
Just remember, folks, it's not
about winning, it is about finishing.
629
00:31:46,144 --> 00:31:47,975
On your marks!
630
00:31:49,119 --> 00:31:50,964
Get set!
631
00:32:07,274 --> 00:32:08,476
On your left!
632
00:32:08,876 --> 00:32:11,057
You're doing great, Michael.
Look at you go!
633
00:32:11,729 --> 00:32:12,999
That's my boss!
634
00:32:13,119 --> 00:32:14,854
- Yeah, baby!
- I'm fast.
635
00:32:15,061 --> 00:32:16,430
I'm very fast.
636
00:32:16,608 --> 00:32:19,332
I'm like Forrest Gump, except...
637
00:32:19,748 --> 00:32:21,149
I am not an idiot.
638
00:32:23,331 --> 00:32:24,954
Oh, yes, I will work out today.
639
00:32:25,726 --> 00:32:29,545
I will work out a way
to avoid running for a stupid cause.
640
00:32:31,398 --> 00:32:32,592
I've walked 2 marathons.
641
00:32:33,495 --> 00:32:35,317
Pretty sure I can handle a 5k.
642
00:32:36,203 --> 00:32:39,186
The key is drafting
to eliminate wind resistance.
643
00:32:44,331 --> 00:32:45,331
Yeah.
644
00:32:47,384 --> 00:32:48,819
Oh, we're in last place.
645
00:32:48,939 --> 00:32:51,245
- Oh, would you look at that?
- Darn it.
646
00:32:55,860 --> 00:32:56,861
Water!
647
00:32:57,621 --> 00:32:58,621
Water.
648
00:33:00,838 --> 00:33:02,642
- Water, babe?
- No, no water for me.
649
00:33:02,762 --> 00:33:05,900
Not while rabies causes fear of water.
Solidarity!
650
00:33:06,308 --> 00:33:07,645
Michael, that's irrational!
651
00:33:08,059 --> 00:33:09,409
Rabies victims...
652
00:33:10,312 --> 00:33:13,208
have to live
with an irrational hatred of water
653
00:33:13,537 --> 00:33:15,783
their entire lives.
So...
654
00:33:16,398 --> 00:33:17,649
least I could do.
655
00:33:19,087 --> 00:33:20,186
Oh, god.
656
00:33:20,557 --> 00:33:21,557
My nipples!
657
00:33:21,982 --> 00:33:23,306
It's starting.
658
00:33:24,893 --> 00:33:26,561
- Can we get another round?
- Okay.
659
00:33:26,682 --> 00:33:27,682
Thanks.
660
00:33:29,700 --> 00:33:30,969
So we've got what?
661
00:33:31,089 --> 00:33:32,432
Another 20 minutes?
662
00:33:32,654 --> 00:33:33,727
More or less.
663
00:33:36,841 --> 00:33:38,178
That fettuccini...
664
00:33:38,743 --> 00:33:40,888
is hitting my stomach like a rock.
665
00:33:41,682 --> 00:33:43,100
You got nothing to worry about.
666
00:33:43,220 --> 00:33:45,988
I put imodium in Toby's coffee
before the race.
667
00:33:46,621 --> 00:33:47,897
Excellent!
668
00:33:48,198 --> 00:33:49,244
Simpsons!
669
00:33:50,332 --> 00:33:51,956
Wait, imodium or ex-lax?
670
00:33:53,622 --> 00:33:55,152
I'm making great time.
671
00:33:55,438 --> 00:33:59,488
Usually I have to take a bathroom break
halfway through a race like this, but...
672
00:34:00,003 --> 00:34:01,219
not today.
673
00:34:03,989 --> 00:34:05,362
Ooh, an estate sale.
674
00:34:06,291 --> 00:34:07,428
Want to go in?
675
00:34:07,886 --> 00:34:09,574
I'm really committed to winning.
676
00:34:09,781 --> 00:34:12,308
Okay, but what if I told you
that all the money you spend here
677
00:34:12,428 --> 00:34:14,374
goes to preventing
a disease already cured.
678
00:34:15,026 --> 00:34:16,443
- Yes.
- That's what I thought.
679
00:34:16,563 --> 00:34:17,813
- Yeah.
- Right?
680
00:34:18,314 --> 00:34:19,701
Let's do some good.
681
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,394
You have reached
the offices of Dunder Mifflin Scranton.
682
00:34:24,514 --> 00:34:28,699
Currently the entire staff is out
doing the Michael scott D.M.S.M.P.M.C.
683
00:34:28,819 --> 00:34:31,188
Rabies awarness pro-am fun run race...
684
00:34:31,308 --> 00:34:32,488
For the cure.
685
00:34:33,247 --> 00:34:34,597
Leave a message.
686
00:34:37,067 --> 00:34:38,069
Oh, god.
687
00:34:38,870 --> 00:34:40,564
Oh, Alfredo sauce.
688
00:34:41,737 --> 00:34:42,978
I'm getting a stitch.
689
00:34:46,231 --> 00:34:48,813
God!
Watch the nipples, Kevin!
690
00:34:49,628 --> 00:34:50,959
Back off me.
691
00:34:51,609 --> 00:34:52,806
You're feeling better?
692
00:34:52,926 --> 00:34:53,926
No.
693
00:34:54,007 --> 00:34:57,146
Well, you look cute as a button.
You've worked up quite a sweat.
694
00:34:57,375 --> 00:34:59,450
The vet's removing
Sprinkles' organs right now
695
00:34:59,570 --> 00:35:01,136
and sending them to the lab.
696
00:35:01,632 --> 00:35:04,251
- I am a farmer, Angela.
- What does that mean?
697
00:35:04,471 --> 00:35:06,418
When a farmer sees
an animal that is in pain,
698
00:35:06,538 --> 00:35:09,207
that has no quality of life,
that has no utility,
699
00:35:09,327 --> 00:35:12,684
a farmer does what city folk
don't have the stomach to do.
700
00:35:13,456 --> 00:35:14,722
You did kill her!
701
00:35:15,473 --> 00:35:17,933
I sang her her favorite songs.
702
00:35:18,148 --> 00:35:19,544
You put her in my freezer!
703
00:35:19,664 --> 00:35:21,879
It was beautiful
and gentle and respectful.
704
00:35:21,999 --> 00:35:24,320
I fed her antihistamines
and she gradually fell asleep.
705
00:35:24,534 --> 00:35:26,910
She barfed them up in the freezer
and tried to get out.
706
00:35:27,030 --> 00:35:28,425
I'm not responsible for that...
707
00:35:31,033 --> 00:35:32,718
- It's nothing!
- I'm robbing her!
708
00:35:32,935 --> 00:35:34,692
- It's nothing!
- It's nothing! It's fine!
709
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,604
How could you do that
without telling me?
710
00:35:37,724 --> 00:35:40,597
I thought I was helping you.
I expected a hug.
711
00:35:40,809 --> 00:35:44,513
I took care of that cat
the best way I knew how.
712
00:35:45,286 --> 00:35:47,667
Cat heaven is a beautiful place,
713
00:35:47,935 --> 00:35:50,628
but you don't get there
if you're euthanized.
714
00:35:50,748 --> 00:35:52,187
I know a great taxidermist.
715
00:35:52,307 --> 00:35:53,773
I'll pay to have her stuff.
716
00:35:53,952 --> 00:35:55,861
Well, he's not great,
but he's pretty good.
717
00:35:56,182 --> 00:35:57,456
You don't understand.
718
00:35:58,034 --> 00:36:00,229
Take bat bites seriously.
Don't get bit.
719
00:36:02,839 --> 00:36:05,642
Or we can have her buried out
at the east field by mother.
720
00:36:07,924 --> 00:36:10,405
- Huh, Angela?
- Don't touch me, Dwight.
721
00:36:22,269 --> 00:36:24,474
You like it?
It's kind of designy and cool.
722
00:36:24,594 --> 00:36:25,845
It was $8.
723
00:36:26,782 --> 00:36:28,827
Oh, and I get to carry it.
724
00:36:43,393 --> 00:36:45,795
And the winner is Toby Flenderson!
725
00:36:47,325 --> 00:36:48,963
Have a seat.
I'll write it down.
726
00:36:54,149 --> 00:36:55,149
Where are we?
727
00:36:55,484 --> 00:36:58,338
I don't know.
Like five kilometers from the office.
728
00:36:59,961 --> 00:37:01,906
He couldn't have made it circle?
729
00:37:10,537 --> 00:37:11,882
I am not going to finish.
730
00:37:14,956 --> 00:37:16,600
I can't beat rabies.
731
00:37:17,638 --> 00:37:18,804
Nobody can beat rabies.
732
00:37:19,044 --> 00:37:21,605
Rabies has been around
for a thousand years.
733
00:37:21,945 --> 00:37:24,834
I was a fool
to think that I could beat it.
734
00:37:29,621 --> 00:37:32,330
- Pictures of the dog all around.
- Yeah, probably... hey.
735
00:37:33,654 --> 00:37:35,066
Michael?
736
00:37:37,148 --> 00:37:39,624
What are you doing here?
Did you come back for us or...
737
00:37:39,959 --> 00:37:41,209
I can't finish.
738
00:37:42,492 --> 00:37:43,967
I feel so weak.
I just...
739
00:37:44,334 --> 00:37:47,069
- You're probably dehydrated.
- What do you want me to do, Jim?
740
00:37:47,337 --> 00:37:48,839
A glass of water would be a start.
741
00:37:49,590 --> 00:37:50,957
There are people...
742
00:37:51,690 --> 00:37:55,159
all over the world with all sorts
of problems and afflictions
743
00:37:55,578 --> 00:37:58,198
and diseases.
They're deformed
744
00:37:59,047 --> 00:38:01,067
and they're abnormal, and...
745
00:38:01,952 --> 00:38:04,578
they're illiterate and ugly.
746
00:38:05,267 --> 00:38:08,985
Symphonies don't have any money.
Public TV is bust.
747
00:38:09,648 --> 00:38:12,525
I can't do anything about it.
I can't, you know...
748
00:38:13,462 --> 00:38:15,091
There's just one of me,
749
00:38:15,815 --> 00:38:18,175
and there's thousand of them.
750
00:38:19,209 --> 00:38:20,240
And rabies wins.
751
00:38:21,391 --> 00:38:23,027
You are a downer.
752
00:38:23,900 --> 00:38:25,662
We were having a pretty nice day.
753
00:38:25,782 --> 00:38:27,085
I'm still having a nice day.
754
00:38:27,205 --> 00:38:28,460
- You are?
- Yeah.
755
00:38:29,088 --> 00:38:30,997
Hey, Michael, look at this lamp.
756
00:38:31,399 --> 00:38:32,399
$8.
757
00:38:33,042 --> 00:38:34,094
That's a good deal.
758
00:38:36,244 --> 00:38:38,683
And Michael, you don't have rabies.
759
00:38:39,298 --> 00:38:42,316
And chances are
you're not gonna get it anytime soon.
760
00:38:42,766 --> 00:38:45,698
So... you don't really have
to think about it too much.
761
00:38:46,113 --> 00:38:48,258
Pam, if everybody felt that way,
762
00:38:48,773 --> 00:38:50,053
nothing would get done.
763
00:38:51,273 --> 00:38:55,653
Yeah, but there's other better people
out there who are helping.
764
00:38:56,268 --> 00:38:58,463
You just don't think I am capable
765
00:38:59,107 --> 00:39:00,401
of making a difference.
766
00:39:01,631 --> 00:39:03,040
I know you, Michael.
767
00:39:03,712 --> 00:39:05,062
I saw you naked.
768
00:39:05,839 --> 00:39:06,839
You don't...
769
00:39:08,149 --> 00:39:09,599
You don't know me.
770
00:39:09,946 --> 00:39:11,276
You've just seen my penis.
771
00:39:11,913 --> 00:39:13,379
I can make a difference.
772
00:39:13,636 --> 00:39:14,985
Remember, I'm the one
773
00:39:15,105 --> 00:39:17,973
who started this whole thing off
by hitting Meredith with my car.
774
00:39:19,024 --> 00:39:20,383
And I owe it to her
775
00:39:20,776 --> 00:39:23,673
to finish this G.D. 5k.
776
00:39:43,615 --> 00:39:45,782
Finishing that 5k
777
00:39:45,996 --> 00:39:49,634
was the hardest thing
I have ever had to do.
778
00:39:52,492 --> 00:39:56,613
I ate more Fettuccine Alfredo
and drank less water
779
00:39:56,970 --> 00:39:59,252
than I have in my entire life.
780
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,656
People always talk
about triumphs of the human spirit.
781
00:40:04,428 --> 00:40:07,904
Today, I had a triumph
of the human body.
782
00:40:08,919 --> 00:40:11,336
That's why everybody
was applauding for me at the end.
783
00:40:11,462 --> 00:40:13,417
My guts and my heart.
784
00:40:15,834 --> 00:40:20,185
And while I eventually puked
my guts out, I never...
785
00:40:21,347 --> 00:40:22,754
puked my heart out.
786
00:40:23,790 --> 00:40:26,465
And I'm very, very proud of that.
787
00:40:29,349 --> 00:40:30,349
Hey, Michael.
788
00:40:31,104 --> 00:40:32,105
Hey, Mer.
789
00:40:32,742 --> 00:40:34,727
- How you doing?
- Better.
790
00:40:34,848 --> 00:40:36,331
It's ironic, isn't it?
791
00:40:36,451 --> 00:40:39,863
I mean, I'm in the hospital
for not getting enough water.
792
00:40:40,225 --> 00:40:42,831
And you're in it for a disease
that causes a fear of water.
793
00:40:43,644 --> 00:40:45,289
I'm in because you hit me with your car.
794
00:40:46,633 --> 00:40:47,942
But I want to say...
795
00:40:48,289 --> 00:40:51,017
I heard you were trying really hard,
so...
796
00:40:51,675 --> 00:40:53,120
I'm not mad at you anymore.
797
00:40:54,157 --> 00:40:55,287
Thanks.
798
00:40:56,288 --> 00:40:58,301
I'm not mad at you anymore.
799
00:41:06,381 --> 00:41:07,473
Want to share?
800
00:41:08,841 --> 00:41:09,841
Sure.
801
00:41:10,037 --> 00:41:11,457
I'm not really sick.
802
00:41:19,173 --> 00:41:20,351
I'm good.