1 00:00:05,132 --> 00:00:06,190 Sometimes a project comes along 2 00:00:06,191 --> 00:00:08,630 that kicks the stress level a a couple notches. 3 00:00:08,631 --> 00:00:10,722 That's when I need to stay especially calm, 4 00:00:10,723 --> 00:00:11,960 so my people will stay calm. 5 00:00:11,961 --> 00:00:15,224 Hey, cats and kittens, what is going on 6 00:00:15,225 --> 00:00:19,663 - with the multi-language translator device? - Oh, my God. Ted's overcompensating for his stress. 7 00:00:19,664 --> 00:00:23,695 - The project must be in huge trouble. - Our lives as we know them are over! 8 00:00:23,696 --> 00:00:25,697 Guys, it's all right, okay. I just want to make sure 9 00:00:25,698 --> 00:00:27,854 we're on track with the translator. 10 00:00:27,855 --> 00:00:29,910 The Germans are gonna be here this afternoon. 11 00:00:29,911 --> 00:00:32,819 - They might want to see a demonstration. - Oh. Well, we can do that. 12 00:00:32,820 --> 00:00:35,834 - What'd you come in here all calm for? - A...and listen, the Germans are worried about working with us, because, ironically, 13 00:00:35,835 --> 00:00:37,853 they think that Veridian is ruthlessly efficient 14 00:00:37,855 --> 00:00:40,080 and bent on world domination. 15 00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:42,547 Wow. That's like when those Irish auditors thought 16 00:00:42,548 --> 00:00:44,705 our accounting department drank too much 17 00:00:44,706 --> 00:00:47,274 - and wrote overly depressing poetry. - Well, maybe you could put away 18 00:00:47,275 --> 00:00:49,261 some of your especially evil creations. 19 00:00:49,262 --> 00:00:52,345 - Uh, you know, in case they want to see the lab. - Evil? 20 00:00:52,346 --> 00:00:55,257 We don't create evil things. 21 00:00:55,258 --> 00:00:57,381 Some might see this long-range people-skinning laser 22 00:00:57,382 --> 00:00:59,609 - as evil-ish. - That was only designed 23 00:00:59,610 --> 00:01:02,077 so you could peel an orange in your kitchen 24 00:01:02,078 --> 00:01:04,955 - while sitting comfortably in your living room. - Well, now it's used to peel enemy soldiers overseas, 25 00:01:04,956 --> 00:01:08,108 - while you sit comfortably at the Pentagon. - Well, what about this translator device? 26 00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:10,575 That's going to make it easier for people to talk to each other, 27 00:01:10,576 --> 00:01:13,742 and with the exception of almost everything my wife ever says to me, 28 00:01:13,743 --> 00:01:15,100 communication is always good. 29 00:01:15,101 --> 00:01:18,699 Well, actually, the military is also gonna use it to interrogate prisoners. 30 00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:22,470 Listen, just to be safe, why don't we clear everything away, uh, except the ficus? 31 00:01:22,472 --> 00:01:23,635 You mean the man-eating ficus? 32 00:01:23,637 --> 00:01:28,434 All right. I'll just try to keep the Germans upstairs. 33 00:01:28,435 --> 00:01:31,041 Is everything we do down here evil? 34 00:01:31,042 --> 00:01:34,335 Well, that's crazy. We make a lot of nice stuff, 35 00:01:34,336 --> 00:01:35,877 like, uh... 36 00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:37,383 Kills... 37 00:01:37,384 --> 00:01:40,056 Slowly kills... quickly kills... 38 00:01:40,057 --> 00:01:41,975 Helps shed unwanted pounds! 39 00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:43,654 But also kills. 40 00:01:43,655 --> 00:01:48,487 Oh, my God. Maybe we're evil scientists. 41 00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:54,489 I'm sorry. 42 00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:57,473 I laugh like that when faced with an unpleasant truth. 43 00:01:57,474 --> 00:02:01,587 That's why I got thrown out of that Al Gore movie. 44 00:02:09,168 --> 00:02:11,494 Hey, excuse me. This isn't a library. 45 00:02:11,495 --> 00:02:14,610 You can't just leave your trash wherever you want. 46 00:02:14,611 --> 00:02:16,116 Jeez. 47 00:02:16,117 --> 00:02:18,651 Hey, Brett, you see that awesome Youtube video 48 00:02:18,652 --> 00:02:21,942 of that goat that sounds like a man? 49 00:02:21,943 --> 00:02:25,336 - He keeps yelling... "mark! Mark!" - I love that goat. He's all... "mark! Mark!" 50 00:02:25,337 --> 00:02:27,942 - Do you mind? - "Mark!" 51 00:02:27,943 --> 00:02:29,382 - "Mark!" - "Mark!" 52 00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:31,267 - "Mark!" - "Mark!" 53 00:02:31,268 --> 00:02:34,181 - That's the last time forward anything to you guys. - "Mark!" 54 00:02:34,182 --> 00:02:36,239 Worried about the deal with the Germans, 55 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,639 Veronica was also under a lot of stress. 56 00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:40,696 We believe the multi-language translator 57 00:02:40,697 --> 00:02:43,336 will create a furor in Germany, 58 00:02:43,337 --> 00:02:46,045 a furor that will sweep across Europe, 59 00:02:46,046 --> 00:02:48,513 crushing... no. 60 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,411 What's going on? 61 00:03:12,412 --> 00:03:14,296 Do you live here? 62 00:03:14,297 --> 00:03:17,244 Do all the cubicle workers have little hobbit holes like this? 63 00:03:17,245 --> 00:03:21,496 No, some of us nest in trees, others have underground warrens. 64 00:03:21,497 --> 00:03:23,827 Actually, I just found this empty room, 65 00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:25,507 so I decorated a little, 66 00:03:25,509 --> 00:03:28,606 and come here occasionally to get a break from that corporate mosh pit out there. 67 00:03:28,607 --> 00:03:32,132 Was that thumping noise the sound of you banging your head against the wall, 68 00:03:32,133 --> 00:03:34,880 **** 69 00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:37,782 You know, why don't you lay off? 70 00:03:37,783 --> 00:03:39,873 If you want. I'm sorry. It's just, 71 00:03:39,874 --> 00:03:41,862 I'm a little sensitive about the hobbit jokes, 72 00:03:41,863 --> 00:03:44,913 because I think of myself as having big, floppy feet. 73 00:03:44,914 --> 00:03:46,833 I know. It's crazy, right? 74 00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:51,702 Fine. Don't reassure me about my giant feet.... 75 00:03:51,703 --> 00:03:54,342 which I might be too sensitive about. 76 00:03:56,709 --> 00:03:59,348 Again, thank you. Anyway, that thumping sound 77 00:03:59,349 --> 00:04:01,783 was this game I came up with to blow off steam. 78 00:04:01,784 --> 00:04:05,829 You take a bagel, you stand on this coffee stain, and you try to bounce it off 79 00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:08,365 that wall and into that air vent. 80 00:04:08,366 --> 00:04:10,285 It's pretty tricky. 81 00:04:10,286 --> 00:04:12,377 Mm... not for me, 82 00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:15,052 because I'm good at everything I do. 83 00:04:15,053 --> 00:04:16,629 I'm not bragging, 84 00:04:16,630 --> 00:04:17,835 because bragging is the one thing I'm not good at. 85 00:04:17,836 --> 00:04:21,101 Although, if I wanted to be, I'd be excellent at that, too, 86 00:04:21,102 --> 00:04:22,481 as I've just proved. 87 00:04:22,482 --> 00:04:26,571 Really? You think you'd be better than me at Linda bagel? 88 00:04:26,572 --> 00:04:28,903 Because, you know... I'm Linda. 89 00:04:28,904 --> 00:04:31,269 And I'm Veronica. So bagel me. 90 00:04:33,258 --> 00:04:35,726 Veronica is late for our big meeting 91 00:04:35,727 --> 00:04:37,784 with the Germans, 92 00:04:37,785 --> 00:04:39,841 who, of course, are right on time. 93 00:04:39,842 --> 00:04:41,933 What? It's a positive stereotype. 94 00:04:41,934 --> 00:04:44,505 Anyway, now I am stuck having to charm them 95 00:04:44,506 --> 00:04:47,523 all by myself. 96 00:04:48,870 --> 00:04:50,823 which suddenly, I am fine with. 97 00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,640 Pots-damn! 98 00:04:52,641 --> 00:04:55,315 Hello, I'm Ted Crisp. 99 00:04:55,316 --> 00:04:57,853 Guten tag, I'm Hans Muller. This is Carl Hoffman 100 00:04:57,854 --> 00:05:00,459 und our CEO Greta Schulz. 101 00:05:00,460 --> 00:05:02,894 Hello, I am being happy to meet you. 102 00:05:02,895 --> 00:05:05,534 You and I... do it, I hope. 103 00:05:05,535 --> 00:05:07,797 The coming together? 104 00:05:07,798 --> 00:05:10,746 Uh, o... okay. I hope so, too. 105 00:05:10,747 --> 00:05:13,250 Fraulein Schulz is not fluent in English. 106 00:05:13,251 --> 00:05:16,267 She means she hopes this deal between our two companies 107 00:05:16,268 --> 00:05:18,530 will come together. 108 00:05:18,531 --> 00:05:20,588 Thanks for the clarification, 109 00:05:20,589 --> 00:05:22,132 herr buzzkill. 110 00:05:23,709 --> 00:05:26,726 Nothin' but vent! Do I look like a bus? 111 00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:29,263 'Cause I just took you to school. 112 00:05:29,264 --> 00:05:32,727 - Suck my big hobbit feet! - Keep your flippers in your clown shoes, Linda. 113 00:05:32,728 --> 00:05:34,269 We're going again. 114 00:05:48,605 --> 00:05:51,381 The multiple language translator device 115 00:05:51,382 --> 00:05:54,021 will instantaneously translate any language... 116 00:05:54,022 --> 00:05:56,283 - into any other. - Just flick this switch 117 00:05:56,284 --> 00:06:00,570 - and turn this dial to the desired language. - Sorry I'm late. There was an emergency 118 00:06:00,571 --> 00:06:03,827 with the dough-based projectile ventilation targeting system. 119 00:06:03,828 --> 00:06:06,604 P please... continue. 120 00:06:06,605 --> 00:06:08,592 Phil, who speaks fluent German, will now speak into the device, 121 00:06:08,593 --> 00:06:10,615 which will translate what he says into English. 122 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:16,344 Hello. I am your friend. 123 00:06:16,345 --> 00:06:20,050 Do not be afraid. It's me! Phil! 124 00:06:21,021 --> 00:06:23,935 - I thought you guys were working on the voice. - We were, and we made it more awesome. 125 00:06:23,936 --> 00:06:25,822 Who wouldn't want to sound 126 00:06:25,823 --> 00:06:27,743 like a 90-foot robot, you know? 127 00:06:29,870 --> 00:06:32,921 Our ships are hovering 128 00:06:32,922 --> 00:06:35,835 above all your cities. 129 00:06:35,836 --> 00:06:37,858 Oh, God. We have unhappy Germans. 130 00:06:37,859 --> 00:06:39,847 Nothing good has ever come from that. 131 00:06:39,848 --> 00:06:42,488 Um, okay, we will have this voice fixed 132 00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:45,986 in a couple days. I...in the meantime, 133 00:06:45,987 --> 00:06:48,763 - why don't you relax? - Maybe do some sightseeing? 134 00:06:48,764 --> 00:06:50,786 Yes, on us! Throw on some leather shorts, 135 00:06:50,787 --> 00:06:52,844 dark shoes, socks up to the knees, 136 00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:56,170 and stomp around our fine city. 137 00:06:56,171 --> 00:06:58,776 Perhaps Ted can stomp me. 138 00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,617 Ah... stomp with me. 139 00:07:02,618 --> 00:07:05,428 I not wish to die from Ted's under-boot. 140 00:07:05,429 --> 00:07:07,863 Good, 'cause I just got new under-boots. 141 00:07:07,864 --> 00:07:09,817 I'd hate to have to scrape you off them. 142 00:07:09,818 --> 00:07:11,909 You know what? Don't translate that. 143 00:07:11,910 --> 00:07:16,470 Just... just tell her I'd be happy to take her around. 144 00:07:20,037 --> 00:07:23,054 I saw what was going on in there 145 00:07:23,055 --> 00:07:25,215 between you and fraulein cheekbones. 146 00:07:25,216 --> 00:07:27,273 When you show her around town, 147 00:07:27,274 --> 00:07:30,941 - keep your hansels off her gretels. - I was just being friendly. 148 00:07:30,942 --> 00:07:32,965 I'm serious, Ted. This deal is too important, 149 00:07:32,966 --> 00:07:36,051 and sex can screw things up. Why do you think 150 00:07:36,052 --> 00:07:38,348 the three stooges went through so many curlys? 151 00:07:40,642 --> 00:07:42,217 Wow. Look at her. 152 00:07:42,218 --> 00:07:44,344 I can have a personal relationship 153 00:07:44,345 --> 00:07:46,332 and not screw up a business deal. 154 00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,356 I'm nothing like the three stooges. 155 00:07:48,357 --> 00:07:51,477 I have never spent the night in a mummy museum 156 00:07:51,478 --> 00:07:54,220 or... or smuggled a chicken into the opera. 157 00:07:54,221 --> 00:07:56,688 Hello, toad. 158 00:07:56,689 --> 00:07:57,683 Ted. 159 00:07:57,684 --> 00:07:59,192 Eat me? 160 00:07:59,193 --> 00:08:04,027 Let's go to dinner. I'm gonna teach you the word "with". 161 00:08:08,827 --> 00:08:11,569 Phil and Lem couldn't stand the thought of being evil scientists. 162 00:08:11,570 --> 00:08:15,443 Maybe if we came up with something that's pure good... 163 00:08:15,444 --> 00:08:17,569 something that the company couldn't possibly use for evil. 164 00:08:17,570 --> 00:08:19,249 Or... what if we invent something 165 00:08:19,250 --> 00:08:21,856 that's already pure evil? 166 00:08:21,857 --> 00:08:24,702 Then maybe the company will turn it into something good 167 00:08:24,703 --> 00:08:27,445 like a horrible device that drops heavy things on your feet 168 00:08:27,446 --> 00:08:29,263 and tells you the end of movies you really, really wanted to see. 169 00:08:29,264 --> 00:08:32,897 I thought you saw "The Sixth Sense," and I told you I was setting down 170 00:08:32,898 --> 00:08:36,086 - my end of the sofa. - Well, I hadn't, and my toe will never be the same. 171 00:08:36,087 --> 00:08:39,755 - How are glasses and mustache doing with the translator voice? - First of all, 172 00:08:39,756 --> 00:08:42,190 glasses and mustache are the same person. 173 00:08:43,191 --> 00:08:45,968 - And, uh, Lem and Phil need a little bit more time. - The Germans aren't going to like this. 174 00:08:45,969 --> 00:08:47,991 Actually, they're in no hurry to leave town. 175 00:08:47,992 --> 00:08:49,636 Oh, my God. 176 00:08:49,637 --> 00:08:51,866 You're jackhammering Gretel like she's the Berlin wall. 177 00:08:51,867 --> 00:08:53,855 It was a little more romantic than that. 178 00:08:53,856 --> 00:08:55,809 Although... there was a lot of cheering in German, 179 00:08:55,810 --> 00:08:57,764 followed by heartfelt congratulations. 180 00:08:57,765 --> 00:09:01,090 Ted, if something goes wrong, you could blow this whole deal. 181 00:09:01,091 --> 00:09:04,622 But you think nothing will go wrong, just because it's you. 182 00:09:04,623 --> 00:09:06,576 I do not think that, although nothing will go wrong. 183 00:09:06,577 --> 00:09:09,560 It's me. That's hubris, Ted. 184 00:09:09,561 --> 00:09:11,617 You're cocky. You think you can't lose. 185 00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:14,806 It's very self-destructive. You should take a hard look at... 186 00:09:14,807 --> 00:09:17,515 Linda, rematch in 30 minutes, and this time, there's no way I lose. 187 00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:20,499 Okay, but I don't think you used my proper title. 188 00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:23,550 Oh, queen Linda the dainty-footed. 189 00:09:23,552 --> 00:09:25,059 Anyway. 190 00:09:26,501 --> 00:09:29,929 You're gonna end up making a fool of yourself. 191 00:09:29,930 --> 00:09:32,054 So why is Veronica talking to you 192 00:09:32,055 --> 00:09:35,072 - like a waitress at medieval times? - Wasn't it great? I made up this bagel toss game, 193 00:09:35,073 --> 00:09:37,438 and when she loses, I make her say stuff. 194 00:09:37,439 --> 00:09:39,358 And she always loses. 195 00:09:39,359 --> 00:09:41,999 Chick throws a bagel like the horse is still attached. 196 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,988 that works better for horseshoes, 197 00:09:43,989 --> 00:09:47,074 but you get the point. Look, Veronica's got the better job, 198 00:09:47,075 --> 00:09:49,577 the better car, the better shoe size. 199 00:09:49,578 --> 00:09:52,046 This is the only thing I'll ever do 200 00:09:52,047 --> 00:09:55,269 that I'm better at than she is. 201 00:09:55,770 --> 00:09:59,884 - And I'm telling myself it's the most important thing. - Well, I can see by the spittle flying out of your mouth 202 00:09:59,885 --> 00:10:02,937 that you're in a good place, but, uh, you should know, 203 00:10:02,938 --> 00:10:05,953 - Veronica will strike back. - I don't care. It's worth it, as long as I keep winning... 204 00:10:05,954 --> 00:10:09,075 - which I will, because I am Linda of Linda bagel. - You know what that is? That's hubris. You're cocky. 205 00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:12,095 You think you can't lose. It's very self-destructive. 206 00:10:12,096 --> 00:10:13,912 you should take a hard look at... ooh! It's Greta. 207 00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:17,410 We've got a date tonight. It is gonna be awesome. 208 00:10:17,411 --> 00:10:19,879 Here's a little extra work 209 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,731 that requires your royal touch, queen Linda. 210 00:10:21,732 --> 00:10:24,680 Heavy is the head that wears the $10 haircut. 211 00:10:24,681 --> 00:10:26,497 No problem. 212 00:10:26,498 --> 00:10:29,412 It's as easy as throwing a bagel through a vent. 213 00:10:29,413 --> 00:10:30,955 Oh, I'm sorry. 214 00:10:30,956 --> 00:10:33,150 For some people, that's practically impossible. 215 00:10:37,986 --> 00:10:41,105 in spite of not being able to speak very well, 216 00:10:41,106 --> 00:10:44,191 Greta and I were having no trouble communicating. 217 00:10:46,997 --> 00:10:49,362 Oh! Hmm? 218 00:10:49,363 --> 00:10:53,888 It is here. Herr Muller bring for me. 219 00:10:53,889 --> 00:10:55,739 Surprise. 220 00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:59,854 I tell Flem and the little bird man, 221 00:10:59,855 --> 00:11:01,808 "mach schnell. 222 00:11:01,809 --> 00:11:04,380 I must speak with mein Ted." 223 00:11:04,381 --> 00:11:07,706 Really? They fixed it. That is fantastic. 224 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,414 I really like you, Ted. 225 00:11:11,415 --> 00:11:13,508 You're a very special man. 226 00:11:13,509 --> 00:11:15,257 Is that Phil's voice? 227 00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:16,767 What's wrong? 228 00:11:16,768 --> 00:11:18,310 Die stimme 229 00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:21,156 Von diesen dingen ist mein freund Phil. 230 00:11:21,157 --> 00:11:23,557 I like this voice. It's warm and friendly 231 00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:26,163 and almost gender-neutral. 232 00:11:26,164 --> 00:11:28,975 The device works. Our business deal will be a success. 233 00:11:28,976 --> 00:11:30,414 Kiss me, Ted. 234 00:11:30,415 --> 00:11:33,397 Kiss me hard on the lips. 235 00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:38,952 What? 236 00:11:38,953 --> 00:11:41,078 I thought you'd be happy we can finally 237 00:11:41,079 --> 00:11:44,301 get to know each other on an emotional level. 238 00:11:44,302 --> 00:11:47,079 - Our relationship wasn't just about sex, was it? - No. 239 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:48,587 Nein. 240 00:11:48,588 --> 00:11:51,263 Then let's go into the bedroom, 241 00:11:51,264 --> 00:11:53,491 and we can make love and talk 242 00:11:53,492 --> 00:11:55,721 and make love and talk all night. 243 00:11:57,403 --> 00:11:58,705 Yay. 244 00:11:58,706 --> 00:11:59,939 Yay. 245 00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,386 Phil, why on earth would you use 246 00:12:12,387 --> 00:12:15,884 - your voice for the translator device? - It was the fastest way to fix it, 247 00:12:15,885 --> 00:12:17,942 since we already had my voice in the computer 248 00:12:17,943 --> 00:12:21,130 - from that failed talking frying pan project. - Stupid thing wouldn't stop screamin 249 00:12:21,131 --> 00:12:24,147 - when you put it on the burner. - Plus, it was very critical... 250 00:12:24,148 --> 00:12:25,997 "you really need that much butter?" 251 00:12:25,998 --> 00:12:28,123 Screw you, frying pan. 252 00:12:28,124 --> 00:12:30,558 Okay, fellas... excuse us. 253 00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:33,233 So here's the deal. Greta and I are dating. 254 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:37,656 But... it's hard for me to fulfill my manly duties 255 00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:41,497 - when Phil keeps telling me how much I'm pleasuring him. - Oh, my God. 256 00:12:41,498 --> 00:12:43,383 Yes. You said that a lot last night. 257 00:12:43,384 --> 00:12:45,886 Guys, I need your help. I really like Greta, 258 00:12:45,887 --> 00:12:48,972 and I don't want this thing between us to go south, plus if it does, 259 00:12:48,973 --> 00:12:51,853 I... I could foul up this whole deal, and Veronica's gonna kill me. 260 00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,782 Recording and loading a new voice could take days. 261 00:12:53,783 --> 00:12:55,130 Well, we still have those Nixon tapes. 262 00:12:55,131 --> 00:12:56,669 I guess we could pull from those. 263 00:12:56,670 --> 00:12:59,196 I'm beginning to think you guys really are evil scientists. 264 00:13:00,804 --> 00:13:02,860 Oh, hi, Ted. How are things going with Greta? 265 00:13:02,861 --> 00:13:05,843 - You screw that up yet? - No, not at all. We really like each other. 266 00:13:05,844 --> 00:13:08,860 Plus, she is very happy with the new voice on the translator. 267 00:13:08,861 --> 00:13:12,119 The guys just need a little time to tweak it. 268 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:15,787 - It's close, it's close. Ohh, it's so close. - Oh, man. I have to go. 269 00:13:17,366 --> 00:13:20,623 I need you to design me a perfect bagel. 270 00:13:20,624 --> 00:13:22,132 Perfect but somehow evil? 271 00:13:22,133 --> 00:13:24,669 Like halfway down your throat, it triples in size 272 00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:27,241 or tells you the end to "Rocky IV"? 273 00:13:27,242 --> 00:13:31,459 - No, just a dozen perfect, aerodynamically balanced bagels. - A perfect bagel... 274 00:13:31,460 --> 00:13:34,957 - there's no way that could be used for anything bad. - I'm using them to cheat. 275 00:13:34,958 --> 00:13:37,493 Linda sucked me into this stupid game, 276 00:13:37,494 --> 00:13:40,272 and your super-bagels will help me destroy her. 277 00:13:40,273 --> 00:13:43,083 - And... boom. We're back in the evil business. - Oh, and throw in a pint of cream cheese. 278 00:13:43,084 --> 00:13:45,278 I don't care how evil you are... 279 00:13:45,279 --> 00:13:48,227 you don't show up with bagels and no schmear. 280 00:13:50,148 --> 00:13:51,964 Linda. 281 00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:55,016 So if a guy asked you not to talk during sex, 282 00:13:55,017 --> 00:13:59,405 - would you be offended? - No woman likes to be told to shut up during sex. 283 00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:02,355 Wait. Did Paul from accounting tell you to ask me that? 284 00:14:02,356 --> 00:14:04,618 Because all we did was make out in his car, 285 00:14:04,619 --> 00:14:08,082 - and all I said was, "get off my hair." - Paul from accounting? Really? 286 00:14:08,083 --> 00:14:09,522 No. Gotcha. 287 00:14:09,523 --> 00:14:12,472 Would you leave? I have a lot of work to do. 288 00:14:12,473 --> 00:14:14,805 Yeah, what is all this? 289 00:14:14,806 --> 00:14:17,582 - Veronica's retaliating. - Why don't you just let her win? 290 00:14:17,583 --> 00:14:20,667 Wh... what are you afraid of? If you...if you throw a game, 291 00:14:20,668 --> 00:14:22,325 it's gonna keep you out of the time-wasters' hall of fame? 292 00:14:22,326 --> 00:14:23,753 No. My position there is secure 293 00:14:23,754 --> 00:14:26,222 from getting my art history degree. 294 00:14:26,223 --> 00:14:28,690 I just can't make myself lose. 295 00:14:28,692 --> 00:14:30,907 I've tried, but it feels so good to beat her. 296 00:14:30,908 --> 00:14:33,169 Well, then figure out a way to end the game without losing. 297 00:14:33,174 --> 00:14:35,720 Like, when Rose gets frustrated with checkers, 298 00:14:35,721 --> 00:14:37,743 she just flips the board over. 299 00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:38,394 I once tried the same thing in Vegas with a craps' table. 300 00:14:38,395 --> 00:14:41,346 Got it up just high enough to tear every muscle in my back. 301 00:14:42,232 --> 00:14:44,019 Interesting. Like when Van Gogh got so frustrated 302 00:14:44,020 --> 00:14:47,311 with his paintings, he ripped up his canvases. 303 00:14:47,312 --> 00:14:51,494 That little factoid cost my parents $60,000 in tuition. 304 00:14:52,253 --> 00:14:54,275 Since I couldn't tell Greta not to talk, 305 00:14:54,276 --> 00:14:56,401 I tried to make it so I couldn't hear. 306 00:14:59,042 --> 00:15:01,613 Ted, the music is so loud. 307 00:15:03,191 --> 00:15:05,350 Ich weiss. Ist es nicht erotisch? 308 00:15:06,827 --> 00:15:09,706 I know your friend's voice bothers you, 309 00:15:09,707 --> 00:15:11,730 but isn't it worth it to hear my feelings 310 00:15:11,731 --> 00:15:13,307 and instructions 311 00:15:13,308 --> 00:15:16,669 about the best way to touch my breasts? 312 00:15:16,670 --> 00:15:18,486 Eh... 313 00:15:18,487 --> 00:15:20,887 If we can't communicate, 314 00:15:20,888 --> 00:15:22,979 then this is all just about sex, 315 00:15:22,980 --> 00:15:25,654 and that doesn't work for me. 316 00:15:25,655 --> 00:15:27,746 Es ist nicht nur sex, Phil... Greta. 317 00:15:27,747 --> 00:15:29,667 Sehen sie das problem? 318 00:15:30,449 --> 00:15:34,987 Why don't you take that schnitzel you brought me and go home? 319 00:15:34,988 --> 00:15:36,835 Ich will das zu den schnitzel ast. 320 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:39,441 Den schnitzel macht dich glucklich. 321 00:15:39,443 --> 00:15:42,562 That's because I thought the schnitzel meant something. 322 00:15:42,563 --> 00:15:44,311 But I was wrong... 323 00:15:44,312 --> 00:15:48,460 so wrong... about you and the schnitzel. 324 00:15:54,577 --> 00:15:56,895 Good morning. Fraulein Schulz has decided that we do not want 325 00:15:56,896 --> 00:15:59,123 to partner with your company on the translator device. 326 00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:00,529 Goodbye. 327 00:16:00,530 --> 00:16:03,993 Was much promising, but not true. 328 00:16:07,903 --> 00:16:09,547 Damn it, Ted. 329 00:16:09,548 --> 00:16:11,948 You were much promising but not true, weren't you? 330 00:16:11,949 --> 00:16:14,554 She wanted to use the translator device with Phil's voice during sex. 331 00:16:14,555 --> 00:16:18,257 I don't care if she wanted to use Phil during sex. 332 00:16:18,258 --> 00:16:20,315 You screwed this up because you were so sure you were smarter than 333 00:16:20,316 --> 00:16:23,367 - the three stooges. - You're right. And I like Greta. 334 00:16:23,368 --> 00:16:26,967 I don't want it to end like this. I'm gonna go talk to her. 335 00:16:30,706 --> 00:16:32,728 Greta, wait. Can we talk? 336 00:16:32,729 --> 00:16:36,088 Human be'! 337 00:16:36,089 --> 00:16:38,865 Damn it. I told them not to put Klingon on this thing. 338 00:16:38,866 --> 00:16:41,380 - Greta... - Warten sie, Greta. Konnen wir sprechen? 339 00:16:41,398 --> 00:16:42,760 You have one minute. 340 00:16:48,364 --> 00:16:50,523 Veronica just called. 341 00:16:50,524 --> 00:16:52,992 She's about to play another game with Linda and wants us 342 00:16:52,993 --> 00:16:55,049 to bring the super-bagels so she can cheat. 343 00:16:55,050 --> 00:16:57,620 We're completely corrupted now. 344 00:16:57,621 --> 00:17:00,123 We're like Michael Corleone at the end of "The Godfather." 345 00:17:00,124 --> 00:17:03,005 - Damn it, Lem! - Well, you should watch a movie occasionally. 346 00:17:03,006 --> 00:17:06,434 Look at them. They're so beautiful. 347 00:17:06,435 --> 00:17:08,490 Usinthem for wickedness would be like 348 00:17:08,491 --> 00:17:10,404 beating a unicorn to death with a bag of rainbows. 349 00:17:10,809 --> 00:17:12,233 Maybe we should take a stand. 350 00:17:12,235 --> 00:17:17,679 Maybe we should say this is the one thing that must not be used for evil. 351 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,525 Or maybe we say that the next thing we make must not be used for evil, 352 00:17:20,526 --> 00:17:23,131 but this one we're fine with. 353 00:17:23,132 --> 00:17:25,121 And maybe the next one after that, too. 354 00:17:25,122 --> 00:17:27,555 But someday, they will push us too far. 355 00:17:27,556 --> 00:17:30,849 - And then next time after that, we... - No. The time is now... 356 00:17:33,048 --> 00:17:34,658 12:35. 357 00:17:34,659 --> 00:17:36,751 Maybe we should discuss this for another 20 minutes, 358 00:17:36,752 --> 00:17:38,776 and then commit to something. 359 00:17:42,034 --> 00:17:45,905 Good. You made it. Go inside. I'll be in in a minute. 360 00:17:45,906 --> 00:17:48,166 Lem and Phil are bringing me something. 361 00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:50,463 It... it has nothing to do with the game. 362 00:17:50,464 --> 00:17:53,721 It's a... lucky hat. I may decide not to wear it. 363 00:17:53,722 --> 00:17:56,568 So if I come in without a hat, don't give it a second thought. 364 00:17:56,569 --> 00:17:58,419 I have devastating news. 365 00:17:58,420 --> 00:18:00,991 Somehow, security found out about the room. 366 00:18:00,992 --> 00:18:03,184 I don't know how. Nobody does, and nobody ever will, 367 00:18:03,185 --> 00:18:04,659 so just drop that. 368 00:18:04,660 --> 00:18:07,437 But they don't like people screwing around on company time, 369 00:18:07,438 --> 00:18:10,523 so they're coming right now to lock it up. 370 00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:12,546 No! It can't end until I win. 371 00:18:12,547 --> 00:18:14,915 Fine, I'll play without my... 372 00:18:14,916 --> 00:18:18,380 Whatever the hell I said I was waiting for. Come on. 373 00:18:20,609 --> 00:18:23,797 Okay, Ted, I will give you another chance. 374 00:18:23,798 --> 00:18:27,158 Lock the door and take me, and don't be gentle. 375 00:18:27,159 --> 00:18:31,137 - Aber konnten wir uber unsere gefuhl nicht gerade sprechen? - Nein. 376 00:18:31,138 --> 00:18:34,120 No. And none of that silly foreplay this time. 377 00:18:34,121 --> 00:18:36,727 Just go for it. 378 00:18:38,924 --> 00:18:40,639 Ha! 379 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,319 I've tied it up. 380 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:44,343 Your turn, meat. 381 00:18:44,344 --> 00:18:46,504 You gonna blow it? Huh, meat? You gonna choke? 382 00:18:46,505 --> 00:18:48,940 I'm Linda. I'm choking. 383 00:18:48,941 --> 00:18:52,097 I've got a big chunk of pressure lodged in my throat. 384 00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:54,122 It's like a chicken bone. 385 00:18:54,123 --> 00:18:56,796 Come on, chicken bone. Chicken bone. Chicken bone. 386 00:18:56,797 --> 00:18:58,683 I'm really gonna miss this. 387 00:18:58,684 --> 00:19:01,702 Oh, Ted. That feels so good. More, more. Don't stop. 388 00:19:01,703 --> 00:19:04,136 What the hell is that? What are Phil and Ted doing? 389 00:19:04,137 --> 00:19:06,778 Oh, is that distracting? Come on, chicken bone, focus. 390 00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:08,939 Don't think about Ted nailing Phil. 391 00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:12,780 - You are so good with the sex, Ted. - What?! 392 00:19:12,781 --> 00:19:16,758 Throw the bagel, chicken bone. Throw it! Throw it! Throw it! 393 00:19:16,759 --> 00:19:18,782 Yes! 394 00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:21,148 This is it. 395 00:19:23,137 --> 00:19:25,330 This is for the world championship... 396 00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:29,103 of the world. 397 00:19:36,819 --> 00:19:38,943 I did it! I beat you! 398 00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:40,246 Ha! 399 00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:41,927 Yeah, whatever. 400 00:19:41,928 --> 00:19:44,499 Seriously, what is up with Ted and Phil? 401 00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:48,168 I have to get that bagel. It's going in my trophy case. 402 00:19:48,169 --> 00:19:51,459 Also, I have to get a trophy case. 403 00:19:51,460 --> 00:19:54,889 Wow, it's way back there. 404 00:19:54,890 --> 00:19:57,941 - Are you sure we're doing - the right thing? I've never been so sure 405 00:19:57,942 --> 00:20:00,444 - about being unsure of anything in my life. - Good. 406 00:20:00,445 --> 00:20:03,462 Then we're on the same page. Let's do it. 407 00:20:03,463 --> 00:20:05,519 Aah! 408 00:20:11,487 --> 00:20:14,057 Veronica, we've made a decision. 409 00:20:14,058 --> 00:20:16,766 Maybe we should ask her why she just fell through the ceiling. 410 00:20:16,767 --> 00:20:18,413 No. No small talk. 411 00:20:18,414 --> 00:20:21,362 These bagels are the one thing 412 00:20:21,363 --> 00:20:23,898 we will not allow to be used for evil. 413 00:20:23,899 --> 00:20:25,407 I won. 414 00:20:29,327 --> 00:20:32,103 Congratulations. The deal with the Germans just went through. 415 00:20:32,139 --> 00:20:34,813 And congratulations to you for falling through the ceiling 416 00:20:34,848 --> 00:20:37,247 in a metal tube and winning that game. That's gotta feel good. 417 00:20:37,283 --> 00:20:41,019 You're gonna have to speak up. I'm temporarily deaf in one ear. 418 00:20:41,054 --> 00:20:44,037 As you may know, I fell through the ceiling in a metal tube. 419 00:20:44,072 --> 00:20:47,124 But at least I won that game, and that feels good. 420 00:20:48,804 --> 00:20:50,346 These super-bagels are terrible. 421 00:20:50,381 --> 00:20:52,918 You can totally taste the high impact carbon. 422 00:20:52,953 --> 00:20:54,976 That's because they're 98% high impact carbon. 423 00:20:55,011 --> 00:20:59,057 Whenever you go past 97%, it's hard to mask the taste. 424 00:21:04,956 --> 00:21:07,732 So I was able to navigate that tricky situation with Greta, 425 00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:10,440 so you were wrong. I am not like the three stooges. 426 00:21:10,476 --> 00:21:12,258 Ow! 427 00:21:12,293 --> 00:21:13,354 Ooh! 428 00:21:13,389 --> 00:21:16,405 Ah, a couple of wise guys, eh? 429 00:21:24,772 --> 00:21:28,750 sync by l3ob - corrected by chamallow35 www.addic7ed.com