1
00:00:03,721 --> 00:00:05,155
Before we start,
2
00:00:05,223 --> 00:00:07,323
I'd like to have a preliminary powwow,
3
00:00:07,391 --> 00:00:09,963
Or prelimi-wow, about what I'm calling
4
00:00:10,030 --> 00:00:12,191
Our library's backdoor conundrum.
5
00:00:12,259 --> 00:00:13,946
Sounds like a porno with kate winslet.
6
00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:15,148
Abed, ew.
7
00:00:15,215 --> 00:00:17,990
The door on that side
is locked after 5:00,
8
00:00:18,057 --> 00:00:20,732
Which means that most of us
have to walk all the way around.
9
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,437
Now, if we were to move
our meetings to 4:30--
10
00:00:22,504 --> 00:00:24,176
- No.
- No.
11
00:00:24,244 --> 00:00:28,252
I have a regular class at that time.
12
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,725
It's like math or other regular classes.
13
00:00:30,793 --> 00:00:33,330
I have something unimportant
that can't ever move.
14
00:00:33,398 --> 00:00:35,335
Well, maybe one of us could
stand by the back door
15
00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:36,670
And let the rest in?
16
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,773
- I nominate pierce.
- Where is he?
17
00:00:38,841 --> 00:00:40,610
I have not seen him around all day.
18
00:00:40,678 --> 00:00:43,414
I haven't either.
19
00:00:43,482 --> 00:00:44,783
- Well, has anyone called him?
- I did.
20
00:00:44,851 --> 00:00:46,787
Several times, actually,
but he never returned my calls.
21
00:00:46,854 --> 00:00:49,123
Oh, no!
22
00:00:49,191 --> 00:00:51,594
Oh, the last thing I said
to him was "suck it."
23
00:00:51,661 --> 00:00:53,296
- Me too.
- Good morning.
24
00:00:53,364 --> 00:00:55,033
- Oh!
- Yes!
25
00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:56,804
Thank god.
26
00:00:56,872 --> 00:00:58,239
You thought I was dead, didn't you?
27
00:00:58,307 --> 00:01:00,408
- All: No...
- I did.
28
00:01:00,476 --> 00:01:02,744
You people have any idea
how emasculating that is?
29
00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:04,280
I'm not mickey rooney.
30
00:01:04,348 --> 00:01:06,249
You don't have to cross your
fingers to see if I'll show up.
31
00:01:06,317 --> 00:01:07,717
You know, when I was 30,
32
00:01:07,785 --> 00:01:10,587
People used to wish that
I was dead to my face!
33
00:01:10,655 --> 00:01:13,591
That's called respect.
34
00:01:13,659 --> 00:01:15,493
Who is the lucky brunette?
35
00:01:15,561 --> 00:01:17,829
Last name beeswax, first name none-a-ya.
36
00:01:17,897 --> 00:01:19,632
Oh, my third wife was biracial.
37
00:01:19,699 --> 00:01:22,502
- Stop it!
- I am just trying to help
38
00:01:22,570 --> 00:01:24,805
Keep you out of troubl
e- what if the next girl saw these?
39
00:01:24,872 --> 00:01:26,640
Well, then she would know it was hers.
40
00:01:26,708 --> 00:01:28,876
- -
- jeff!
41
00:01:28,944 --> 00:01:31,245
You're sleeping with a woman
you already slept with?
42
00:01:31,313 --> 00:01:32,747
Can't I be the friend in the group
43
00:01:32,815 --> 00:01:34,749
Whose trademark is his wel
l-defined boundaries,
44
00:01:34,817 --> 00:01:37,419
Like privacy smurf, discreet bear or...
45
00:01:37,487 --> 00:01:38,687
Confidentiality spice?
46
00:01:38,755 --> 00:01:39,822
But if you like her,
47
00:01:39,889 --> 00:01:41,357
Why would you want to keep her a secret?
48
00:01:41,425 --> 00:01:42,525
Don't you want us to meet her?
49
00:01:42,593 --> 00:01:44,794
We have an agreement to keep it low-key.
50
00:01:44,862 --> 00:01:46,596
That's ridiculous.
Obviously, it's a guy.
51
00:01:46,664 --> 00:01:48,965
You're wrong, pierce. It's two guys.
52
00:01:49,033 --> 00:01:51,135
Sometimes I do wish you were dead.
53
00:01:51,202 --> 00:01:53,137
thank you.
54
00:01:53,205 --> 00:01:59,839
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
55
00:02:01,948 --> 00:02:03,449
What's up, bro?
56
00:02:03,517 --> 00:02:04,517
boo!
57
00:02:04,585 --> 00:02:06,353
Hey, what's up, j-dog?
58
00:02:06,421 --> 00:02:07,455
Woof, woof, woof, woof!
59
00:02:07,523 --> 00:02:09,023
Yeah!
60
00:02:09,091 --> 00:02:10,125
How you doing?
61
00:02:10,193 --> 00:02:11,760
♪ we're too gangsta for tv ♪
62
00:02:11,828 --> 00:02:13,496
♪ that's why you don't see us ♪
63
00:02:13,563 --> 00:02:15,198
♪ but they still wanna be us ♪
64
00:02:15,266 --> 00:02:18,200
65
00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:21,303
♪ ♪
66
00:02:21,371 --> 00:02:23,505
Sorry I'm late.
67
00:02:23,573 --> 00:02:31,614
♪ ♪
68
00:02:34,885 --> 00:02:36,419
Professor slater, quick question.
69
00:02:36,487 --> 00:02:37,888
You know the answer, mr. Winger.
70
00:02:37,955 --> 00:02:39,122
I don't date students,
71
00:02:39,190 --> 00:02:41,124
Even if you are no longer
in my statistics class.
72
00:02:41,192 --> 00:02:43,060
I'm actually kind of
seeing someone right now,
73
00:02:43,127 --> 00:02:44,861
- Thank you very much.
- Really? How's that going?
74
00:02:44,929 --> 00:02:46,797
Fine for now. She's smart and pretty.
75
00:02:46,865 --> 00:02:48,465
But sometimes I feel like
she's just waiting for me
76
00:02:48,533 --> 00:02:50,501
To stop talking and take off my pants.
77
00:02:51,569 --> 00:02:54,204
She is.
78
00:02:56,408 --> 00:02:58,375
I've never been someone's
dirty little secret.
79
00:02:58,443 --> 00:03:00,510
I've never had a dirty little secret.
80
00:03:00,578 --> 00:03:01,979
It's so unprofessional.
81
00:03:02,046 --> 00:03:04,081
But the sneaking does
make the sex 38% hotter.
82
00:03:04,148 --> 00:03:06,416
Wow, you do like statistics, don't you?
83
00:03:08,586 --> 00:03:10,754
Hey, midterms and whatever.
84
00:03:10,822 --> 00:03:12,222
Chalk.
85
00:03:12,290 --> 00:03:14,191
Professor slater, there's
that transcript you wanted.
86
00:03:14,259 --> 00:03:15,826
Jeff, I didn't expect to see you here.
87
00:03:15,894 --> 00:03:18,295
Hopefully, I'm not...
Interrupting.
88
00:03:20,365 --> 00:03:23,166
You know, we laugh... But the fact is,
89
00:03:23,234 --> 00:03:25,402
Student/teacher relationships do happen,
90
00:03:25,469 --> 00:03:27,137
And they are a magnet for lawsuits.
91
00:03:27,205 --> 00:03:28,438
So we do stay vigilant.
92
00:03:28,506 --> 00:03:31,241
In fact, physically attractive
students and faculty
93
00:03:31,308 --> 00:03:33,043
Are actually placed on a watch list
94
00:03:33,110 --> 00:03:34,811
And are ranked by their potential
95
00:03:34,879 --> 00:03:36,279
To incite fraternization.
96
00:03:36,347 --> 00:03:37,947
You rank people by how hot they are?
97
00:03:38,015 --> 00:03:40,216
You got it... Number two.
98
00:03:40,284 --> 00:03:42,318
- Dean pelton.
- Yes, professor seven--
99
00:03:42,386 --> 00:03:44,787
- Uh, slater.
- I'll return this tomorrow.
100
00:03:44,855 --> 00:03:45,788
Okay, then.
101
00:03:45,856 --> 00:03:47,557
You guys be extra careful now.
102
00:03:47,624 --> 00:03:50,827
Two people of your rankings
in this small a room...
103
00:03:50,894 --> 00:03:53,562
With this type of lighting
and his upper body
104
00:03:53,630 --> 00:03:56,332
And what her heels and hemline are doing
105
00:03:56,399 --> 00:03:59,301
To enhance what were already
quite a few favors from god--
106
00:03:59,369 --> 00:04:02,304
It's all the more important
to keep it tasteful.
107
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,581
- I think he might have ruined--
- it's dead.
108
00:04:17,319 --> 00:04:19,152
♪ ♪
109
00:04:20,754 --> 00:04:21,921
Oh, I can't wait for the recital.
110
00:04:21,989 --> 00:04:24,990
You are all wonderful,
especially you, troy.
111
00:04:25,058 --> 00:04:27,692
Thank you, madame leclair.
112
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:31,596
And if any of you mention
my dancing outside of class,
113
00:04:31,664 --> 00:04:33,230
I will break off your legs
114
00:04:33,298 --> 00:04:38,468
And use them to smash
in your friends' cars.
115
00:04:38,536 --> 00:04:40,036
- Oh!
- Huh!
116
00:04:42,439 --> 00:04:45,241
Oh, my god!
117
00:04:47,377 --> 00:04:50,278
Troy, since when have
you taken modern dance?
118
00:04:50,346 --> 00:04:51,579
Since last semester.
119
00:04:51,647 --> 00:04:53,514
Coach told me it would
help with my coordination,
120
00:04:53,582 --> 00:04:56,616
And I fell in love with it,
in a very straight way.
121
00:04:56,684 --> 00:04:58,385
I know it's tempting to sneak a peek,
122
00:04:58,452 --> 00:05:00,553
But I'm gonna need for you
to keep your eyes up here!
123
00:05:00,621 --> 00:05:03,456
God, I should have never
dismissed you as a shallow jock.
124
00:05:03,523 --> 00:05:05,858
Then again, we haven't really
spent that much time together.
125
00:05:05,925 --> 00:05:07,726
That's because you don't play football
126
00:05:07,794 --> 00:05:08,727
Or have fun.
127
00:05:08,795 --> 00:05:10,061
- I have fun tap
-dancing.
128
00:05:10,129 --> 00:05:11,796
I started last semester too.
129
00:05:11,864 --> 00:05:13,831
It was always something
that I wanted to do,
130
00:05:13,899 --> 00:05:16,667
But it was too embarrassing,
so I never told anyone.
131
00:05:16,735 --> 00:05:19,469
Same here. Britta...
132
00:05:19,537 --> 00:05:22,405
- Nobody can know about this.
- Troy, who are we kidding?
133
00:05:22,473 --> 00:05:24,674
Look at how much time
and energy we're putting
134
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,709
Into hiding something that
we're passionate about.
135
00:05:26,776 --> 00:05:28,143
We are leading a double life.
136
00:05:28,211 --> 00:05:30,478
I am spending a lot of money
on breakaway clothing.
137
00:05:30,546 --> 00:05:33,748
We should look at this as an
opportunity to come clean.
138
00:05:33,816 --> 00:05:36,417
Are you saying we tell
the group, together?
139
00:05:36,484 --> 00:05:40,553
We could invite them to the
dance recital on Friday.
140
00:05:40,621 --> 00:05:42,555
man, I don't know.
141
00:05:42,623 --> 00:05:45,557
Let me think about it.
142
00:05:49,195 --> 00:05:51,162
Okay, let's do this.
143
00:05:51,230 --> 00:05:52,964
- Ahem!
- Sorry.
144
00:05:54,699 --> 00:05:56,700
Mr. Winger. Would you come to my office?
145
00:05:56,768 --> 00:05:59,702
We never finished our intercourse.
146
00:05:59,770 --> 00:06:01,670
I have study group right now,
147
00:06:01,738 --> 00:06:04,506
And nobody uses intercourse to
mean anything other than sex.
148
00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:06,707
- -
- this is a wall of windows.
149
00:06:06,775 --> 00:06:08,475
My study group's behind it.
150
00:06:08,543 --> 00:06:09,676
I know.
151
00:06:09,743 --> 00:06:11,844
As soon as we touch,
the blinds will open,
152
00:06:11,911 --> 00:06:13,612
And six annoying but loveable misfits
153
00:06:13,679 --> 00:06:15,113
Will be staring at us.
154
00:06:15,181 --> 00:06:17,915
come on, what are the odds?
155
00:06:17,983 --> 00:06:19,350
Fine.
156
00:06:27,291 --> 00:06:29,358
- Now, was that so bad?
- Mm-mm.
157
00:06:29,426 --> 00:06:30,426
hey!
158
00:06:30,494 --> 00:06:34,263
Could you open the back door?
159
00:06:41,177 --> 00:06:42,743
You all remember michelle slater,
160
00:06:42,811 --> 00:06:44,345
My professor from last semester?
161
00:06:44,413 --> 00:06:47,114
As most of you may realize by now,
162
00:06:47,181 --> 00:06:50,283
She's the woman I've been seeing lately.
163
00:06:50,351 --> 00:06:53,285
Why are they looking at
me like I'm a zoo animal?
164
00:06:53,353 --> 00:06:55,120
Well, jeff acts as sort
of the dad of the group,
165
00:06:55,188 --> 00:06:57,089
So emotionally this is
kind of like being told
166
00:06:57,156 --> 00:06:58,423
That you're our new mom.
167
00:06:58,491 --> 00:07:00,325
But you know it's nothing
like that, right?
168
00:07:00,393 --> 00:07:01,859
Absolutely. Do you cook macaroni?
169
00:07:01,927 --> 00:07:03,361
- I have.
- Macaroni's my favorite.
170
00:07:03,428 --> 00:07:06,397
The important thing is we all understand
171
00:07:06,464 --> 00:07:10,633
Professor slater and I need
this to be our little secret.
172
00:07:10,701 --> 00:07:11,868
Everyone understand that?
173
00:07:11,935 --> 00:07:13,269
- Yeah.
- Yes. I do like macaroni.
174
00:07:13,337 --> 00:07:16,471
- -
- sure.
175
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:19,107
See? All good.
176
00:07:19,174 --> 00:07:22,043
Well, thank you, everyone.
I appreciate it.
177
00:07:22,111 --> 00:07:23,611
I should get going.
178
00:07:23,679 --> 00:07:26,080
- Ooh!
- Ooh...
179
00:07:29,584 --> 00:07:32,018
- Bye.
- Bye.
180
00:07:32,086 --> 00:07:34,120
Well, jeff,
181
00:07:34,188 --> 00:07:36,956
You've taken a big step in
knocking down the barriers
182
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:39,458
Between students and teachers...
183
00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:41,893
- Just like rosa parks.
- I don't think it's like that.
184
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:42,961
No, it's just like that.
185
00:07:43,028 --> 00:07:44,462
I feel if you need to explain it,
186
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:46,996
It's not just like that.
187
00:07:47,064 --> 00:07:49,298
Is your heart gonna be okay with this?
188
00:07:49,366 --> 00:07:51,833
I will try to find the tools to survive.
189
00:07:51,901 --> 00:07:53,869
Okay.
190
00:07:53,936 --> 00:07:55,870
Hey, everybody, speaking of secrets,
191
00:07:55,938 --> 00:07:58,206
Troy and I have something that
we would like to announce.
192
00:07:58,274 --> 00:08:00,141
- oh!
- No. No.
193
00:08:00,209 --> 00:08:01,976
There's a dance recital on Friday,
194
00:08:02,043 --> 00:08:03,810
And I would be honored
if you guys would attend,
195
00:08:03,878 --> 00:08:07,246
Because since last semester, I...
196
00:08:07,314 --> 00:08:09,648
Have been taking a tap class.
197
00:08:11,984 --> 00:08:13,851
- That's...F
-funny.
198
00:08:13,919 --> 00:08:16,219
i>- Well, I don't know
how funny it is.
199
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:19,021
Come on... We're not making fun of you.
200
00:08:19,089 --> 00:08:20,789
But obviously, you kept it a secret
201
00:08:20,857 --> 00:08:22,991
- Because you saw the irony too.
- Irony?
202
00:08:23,058 --> 00:08:25,192
Well, you're not a typically
vulnerable or feminine person,
203
00:08:25,260 --> 00:08:26,626
And the act of dancing is considered
204
00:08:26,694 --> 00:08:29,929
- Both vulnerable and feminine.
- I disagree.
205
00:08:29,997 --> 00:08:31,697
What about fred astaire?
What about baryshnikov?
206
00:08:31,765 --> 00:08:33,499
Yeah, I guess.
207
00:08:33,567 --> 00:08:34,900
There are exceptions to the rule,
208
00:08:34,968 --> 00:08:37,269
But even when jerry rice went on
dancing with the stars--
209
00:08:37,336 --> 00:08:38,803
Jerry rice?
210
00:08:38,871 --> 00:08:42,607
Oh, god. I liked him.
211
00:08:42,674 --> 00:08:44,741
Troy?
212
00:08:44,809 --> 00:08:47,043
What--what's your secret?
213
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,845
Um...
214
00:08:49,913 --> 00:08:51,614
M-my secret...
215
00:08:51,681 --> 00:08:53,882
Is that...
216
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,549
I knew britta's secret.
217
00:08:55,617 --> 00:08:56,551
- -
- yeah.
218
00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:57,918
I saw her in her dance outfit,
219
00:08:57,986 --> 00:08:59,820
And she looked ridiculous.
220
00:08:59,887 --> 00:09:02,054
So I helped her protect her shame.
221
00:09:02,122 --> 00:09:04,090
You know, I'm just glad she's out now.
222
00:09:04,157 --> 00:09:05,591
- Bravo, britta.
- Thanks.
223
00:09:05,659 --> 00:09:07,726
Mr. Winger, there you are.
224
00:09:07,794 --> 00:09:09,796
Just got word of your relationship
225
00:09:09,863 --> 00:09:12,331
With professor slater.
226
00:09:12,399 --> 00:09:14,900
I'd like to see both of you
in my office in half an hour.
227
00:09:14,968 --> 00:09:16,201
What the--none of you left the room.
228
00:09:16,269 --> 00:09:17,502
How is that even possible?
229
00:09:17,570 --> 00:09:21,205
Well, for one thing,
it's all over twitter.
230
00:09:24,509 --> 00:09:26,375
Britta in a tutu-- can you imagine?
231
00:09:26,443 --> 00:09:29,110
Hey. What the hell?
232
00:09:29,178 --> 00:09:31,478
I thought we were supposed to
come out to the group together.
233
00:09:31,546 --> 00:09:34,446
Yeah. I changed my mind.
234
00:09:34,514 --> 00:09:36,546
Well, they're gonna find out
that you dance at the recital.
235
00:09:36,614 --> 00:09:38,686
I'm not gonna be in the recital.
236
00:09:38,754 --> 00:09:40,388
- I'm dropping the class.
- Oh, my god.
237
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:43,023
How can you do this?
I'm so disappointed in you.
238
00:09:43,091 --> 00:09:44,691
Hey, you don't get to
talk to me like that.
239
00:09:44,759 --> 00:09:46,426
You are not shirley!
240
00:09:46,494 --> 00:09:48,093
And shirley's not my mom.
241
00:09:48,161 --> 00:09:50,996
Britta, it's not like we
were in the same boat.
242
00:09:51,063 --> 00:09:52,964
Girls are supposed to dance.
243
00:09:53,031 --> 00:09:55,099
That's why god gave
them parts that jiggle.
244
00:09:55,167 --> 00:09:57,467
But I'd be going from
starting quarterback
245
00:09:57,535 --> 00:09:59,403
To a guy that twirls around in tights.
246
00:09:59,470 --> 00:10:01,504
I've got way more to lose
getting up on that stage
247
00:10:01,572 --> 00:10:02,572
Because I'm a man.
248
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:03,873
Well, guess what?
249
00:10:03,941 --> 00:10:05,775
A real man doesn't bail on his friends
250
00:10:05,842 --> 00:10:07,743
Or on himself.
251
00:10:07,811 --> 00:10:10,112
You're a dancer, troy.
252
00:10:10,180 --> 00:10:13,015
It's who you are.
253
00:10:13,083 --> 00:10:15,217
Not anymore.
254
00:10:16,987 --> 00:10:18,487
Excuse me.
255
00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:24,090
Upset about jeff?
256
00:10:24,158 --> 00:10:27,325
No. I am upset about...
257
00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:29,324
Something I can't talk about.
258
00:10:29,392 --> 00:10:30,758
We can talk about anything--
259
00:10:30,826 --> 00:10:33,194
Politics, medicine, jeff.
260
00:10:33,261 --> 00:10:36,297
Okay. Uh, did you hear
that the shroud of turin--
261
00:10:36,364 --> 00:10:38,165
Here's the thing about jeff.
262
00:10:38,233 --> 00:10:39,366
Wow.
263
00:10:39,434 --> 00:10:41,335
Chasing after you made
him a better person
264
00:10:41,403 --> 00:10:43,003
Because you always
called him on his stuff.
265
00:10:43,071 --> 00:10:44,905
All this time,
you've been warming him up
266
00:10:44,972 --> 00:10:47,106
And stirring in sweetener
and making him just right.
267
00:10:47,174 --> 00:10:49,508
And, sure, you weren't
ready to take a sip yet,
268
00:10:49,576 --> 00:10:50,809
But that didn't mean you want somebody
269
00:10:50,877 --> 00:10:52,044
To snatch him off the counter
270
00:10:52,111 --> 00:10:53,678
And guzzle him down
right in front of you.
271
00:10:53,746 --> 00:10:55,346
Shirley, I did not warm jeff up.
272
00:10:55,414 --> 00:10:57,014
Nobody ever will.
273
00:10:57,082 --> 00:11:00,017
Do you think professor slater
is getting flowers right now?
274
00:11:00,084 --> 00:11:02,152
Do you think that they are
gonna go to the movies
275
00:11:02,219 --> 00:11:04,887
And hold hands, visit her parents?
276
00:11:04,955 --> 00:11:06,755
No. The only thing keeping them going
277
00:11:06,823 --> 00:11:08,490
Was the thrill of the secrecy,
278
00:11:08,558 --> 00:11:12,327
And now that it is out,
it is over, believe me.
279
00:11:12,394 --> 00:11:14,061
Can... Can I just ask
280
00:11:14,129 --> 00:11:16,664
As a divorced black housewife--
281
00:11:16,731 --> 00:11:18,532
What part of being a
single white slacker
282
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,133
Makes you people so jaded?
283
00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:21,834
Ooh! You people?
284
00:11:21,902 --> 00:11:24,170
What do you mean, you people?
285
00:11:24,237 --> 00:11:26,004
I cannot believe I got to say that.
286
00:11:26,072 --> 00:11:29,073
It's the little things, isn't it?
287
00:11:29,141 --> 00:11:31,041
Okay, well, now that
your secret is out there,
288
00:11:31,109 --> 00:11:32,276
I'm just gonna talk you
289
00:11:32,344 --> 00:11:34,378
Through this teacher/student
relationship form,
290
00:11:34,445 --> 00:11:37,313
And then we can get you two
on your very attractive way.
291
00:11:37,381 --> 00:11:39,348
We haven't even admitted
to being a couple.
292
00:11:39,416 --> 00:11:41,250
In fact, this is all based on hearsay,
293
00:11:41,317 --> 00:11:43,652
Worse than hearsa
y- pierce's twitter account,
294
00:11:43,719 --> 00:11:45,019
In which he says he's 47
295
00:11:45,087 --> 00:11:47,322
And teaches a women'
s-only pilates class.
296
00:11:47,389 --> 00:11:49,390
Jeff, it's okay. It's out.
297
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,325
And you know what? It doesn't bother me.
298
00:11:51,393 --> 00:11:52,559
I'm happy.
299
00:11:52,627 --> 00:11:54,828
Sweet.
300
00:11:54,896 --> 00:11:56,830
Well...first question.
301
00:11:56,897 --> 00:11:58,498
"how long have you been doing it?"
302
00:11:58,565 --> 00:12:00,666
Oh! not it.
303
00:12:00,734 --> 00:12:02,668
I mean this--dating.
304
00:12:02,735 --> 00:12:04,869
- A few weeks.
- Mm-hmm.
305
00:12:04,937 --> 00:12:08,039
And...How long have you been doing it?
306
00:12:08,106 --> 00:12:09,573
We don't have to answer that.
307
00:12:09,641 --> 00:12:11,175
Oh, it...Hmm?
308
00:12:11,242 --> 00:12:14,277
Now... This is just hypothetical.
309
00:12:14,345 --> 00:12:16,079
Might you ever consider
310
00:12:16,147 --> 00:12:18,014
Spending the night with a third person?
311
00:12:18,082 --> 00:12:21,450
- That's not on there!
- Well...
312
00:12:21,518 --> 00:12:22,951
Wow, it's on there.
313
00:12:23,019 --> 00:12:24,787
Just exploring your options, obviously.
314
00:12:24,854 --> 00:12:27,522
no agenda.
315
00:12:27,590 --> 00:12:29,824
I'll put "tbd."
316
00:12:29,892 --> 00:12:32,126
Would you describe yourself
as boyfriend and girlfriend?
317
00:12:32,194 --> 00:12:34,295
- Yes.
- Eh...
318
00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:35,762
- What?
- Oh, boy.
319
00:12:35,830 --> 00:12:38,097
It's semantics, really, isn't it?
320
00:12:38,165 --> 00:12:39,966
we've slept together
321
00:12:40,033 --> 00:12:41,867
Every night for the last three weeks.
322
00:12:41,935 --> 00:12:43,235
How would you describe me?
323
00:12:43,303 --> 00:12:45,270
i>- The best friend ever.
324
00:12:45,338 --> 00:12:46,871
Ooh.
325
00:12:46,939 --> 00:12:48,773
Well, uh...
326
00:12:48,841 --> 00:12:50,741
I guess I've had the
wrong idea about us.
327
00:12:50,809 --> 00:12:52,443
But you know what? This is good.
328
00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:55,812
I'd be better off dating, um...An adult.
329
00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:57,313
See you around.
330
00:12:57,381 --> 00:13:01,150
- Michelle.
- Mm. Rarr!
331
00:13:03,353 --> 00:13:04,786
I'll get the break-up form.
332
00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:14,992
I got freaked out by
that boyfriend label.
333
00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:16,594
I'm...
334
00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:17,928
Afraid of commitment.
335
00:13:17,996 --> 00:13:19,130
How original.
336
00:13:19,197 --> 00:13:20,964
Look, the biggest
truths aren't original.
337
00:13:21,032 --> 00:13:24,334
Truth is ketchup. It's jim belushi.
338
00:13:24,401 --> 00:13:26,335
Its job isn't to blow our minds.
339
00:13:26,403 --> 00:13:27,737
It's to be within reach,
340
00:13:27,804 --> 00:13:29,038
So the truth is...
341
00:13:29,105 --> 00:13:30,973
I get claustrophobic
when things get official.
342
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,175
You're acting like I'm a venus flytrap.
343
00:13:33,242 --> 00:13:35,443
I didn't want or need more
than what we were doing.
344
00:13:35,511 --> 00:13:37,478
Let's get back to it.
Should I get the door?
345
00:13:37,546 --> 00:13:39,680
I can't now, because you
went to the friend place.
346
00:13:39,748 --> 00:13:41,648
That's you getting official, not me,
347
00:13:41,716 --> 00:13:43,683
Because unless there's
something I need to know
348
00:13:43,751 --> 00:13:45,984
About the lunch lady or that
blonde in your spanish class
349
00:13:46,052 --> 00:13:48,019
With the infinite supply
of leather jackets,
350
00:13:48,087 --> 00:13:50,020
Somewhere between our 9th
and 11th slumber party,
351
00:13:50,088 --> 00:13:51,589
Statistically speaking,
352
00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:53,424
Most people would call
us more than pals.
353
00:13:53,492 --> 00:13:55,359
Yeah, but soon as you say it,
354
00:13:55,427 --> 00:13:56,827
It can get complicated and messy.
355
00:13:56,894 --> 00:13:58,795
- How?
- Because when you say it,
356
00:13:58,862 --> 00:14:01,130
Later on, you might have to un-say it.
357
00:14:01,198 --> 00:14:02,632
Whoopee flippin' ding, winger.
358
00:14:02,699 --> 00:14:03,999
It happens 50 million times a day.
359
00:14:04,067 --> 00:14:06,634
It's the jim belushi
of sexual commitments.
360
00:14:06,702 --> 00:14:08,001
It barely means anything,
361
00:14:08,069 --> 00:14:09,703
And it grows on what's there over time.
362
00:14:09,771 --> 00:14:11,372
Boy, that guy's really taking a pounding
363
00:14:11,439 --> 00:14:13,674
In this conversation.
364
00:14:13,741 --> 00:14:15,208
I'll see you around, jeff.
365
00:14:23,348 --> 00:14:25,484
I really liked what we were doing.
366
00:14:25,551 --> 00:14:28,452
And if the ratio of work to pleasure
367
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,054
Can really stay at that same level,
368
00:14:30,121 --> 00:14:31,455
I don't care what it's called.
369
00:14:31,523 --> 00:14:35,225
I'll do it. Let's do it.
370
00:14:41,799 --> 00:14:43,966
Okay.
371
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:48,937
Okay.
372
00:14:57,979 --> 00:14:59,813
Oh, that's a big crowd out there.
373
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:02,314
Abed's really good at inviting people.
374
00:15:02,382 --> 00:15:03,983
We're all here to support you.
375
00:15:04,050 --> 00:15:05,384
Jeff even brought his girlfriend.
376
00:15:05,451 --> 00:15:07,285
Oh. She's his girlfriend now?
377
00:15:07,353 --> 00:15:09,086
Can't wait till he hears about it.
378
00:15:09,154 --> 00:15:10,321
Oh, he knows.
379
00:15:10,388 --> 00:15:12,289
They even had to file
paperwork with the dean.
380
00:15:12,357 --> 00:15:14,891
It's pretty serious.
Our little jeff's growing up!
381
00:15:17,761 --> 00:15:19,160
Oh!
382
00:15:19,228 --> 00:15:20,895
Break a leg, britta.
383
00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:22,596
I have no idea
384
00:15:22,664 --> 00:15:26,431
How someone could do
what you're about to do.
385
00:15:28,934 --> 00:15:31,167
I brought goobers.
Anybody want a goober?
386
00:15:31,235 --> 00:15:32,768
Get them while they're gooby!
387
00:15:39,307 --> 00:15:41,277
Well, this is already ridiculous.
388
00:15:41,345 --> 00:15:42,879
Shh!
389
00:15:42,947 --> 00:15:45,715
♪ ♪
390
00:15:45,782 --> 00:15:48,183
- Tea for two? There-
-there're five people.
391
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:49,918
Shh!
392
00:15:49,986 --> 00:15:55,291
♪ ♪
393
00:15:55,358 --> 00:15:57,192
Good lord.
394
00:15:57,260 --> 00:16:01,095
♪ ♪
395
00:16:01,163 --> 00:16:02,929
Is she a water pot or a tea kettle?
396
00:16:02,997 --> 00:16:05,431
Shh!
397
00:16:05,499 --> 00:16:10,104
♪ ♪
398
00:16:10,172 --> 00:16:12,073
Don't you think the flowers
are dying from the tea?
399
00:16:12,140 --> 00:16:13,774
- Shh!
- Shh, shh!
400
00:16:13,842 --> 00:16:15,109
Everyone can hear you.
401
00:16:15,176 --> 00:16:17,778
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh!
402
00:16:20,816 --> 00:16:28,855
♪ ♪
403
00:16:34,528 --> 00:16:36,729
britta.
404
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:42,967
♪ ♪
405
00:16:43,034 --> 00:16:44,400
water it!
406
00:16:44,468 --> 00:16:46,101
What's going on?
407
00:16:46,169 --> 00:16:47,902
So embarrassing.
408
00:16:54,704 --> 00:16:55,636
Oh!
409
00:16:55,704 --> 00:16:58,237
Ooh! Plot twist.
410
00:16:58,305 --> 00:17:00,405
Easy, girl.
411
00:17:00,473 --> 00:17:02,940
There we go.
412
00:17:03,008 --> 00:17:07,511
♪ ♪
413
00:17:07,578 --> 00:17:09,145
Play something modern.
414
00:17:09,213 --> 00:17:11,247
What are you doing here?
415
00:17:11,315 --> 00:17:13,649
Being a friend and a man.
416
00:17:13,717 --> 00:17:15,851
Oh!
417
00:17:18,888 --> 00:17:26,926
♪ ♪
418
00:17:39,370 --> 00:17:41,304
Culturally, it's unacceptable,
419
00:17:41,601 --> 00:17:43,502
But it's theatrical dynamite!
420
00:17:54,412 --> 00:17:55,913
- Whoo!
- Bravo!
421
00:17:58,349 --> 00:17:59,949
Yeah, all right!
422
00:18:00,017 --> 00:18:02,484
Bring it! Woof, woof, woof, woof!
423
00:18:02,552 --> 00:18:03,585
Greendale!
424
00:18:07,656 --> 00:18:09,023
Hi, guys. That was really cool.
425
00:18:09,090 --> 00:18:10,590
I wish I knew how to tap-dance.
426
00:18:10,658 --> 00:18:11,825
Well, thanks, abed.
427
00:18:11,892 --> 00:18:13,159
It takes a lot of hard work,
428
00:18:13,227 --> 00:18:14,760
But you could always take a class.
429
00:18:14,828 --> 00:18:16,895
Mm, pass.
430
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:19,231
Hey, troy.
431
00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:20,599
Thank you.
432
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:22,066
no, thank you.
433
00:18:22,134 --> 00:18:23,634
I mean, you looked so pathetic,
434
00:18:23,702 --> 00:18:25,969
You made going up there
the most masculine option.
435
00:18:31,608 --> 00:18:33,643
Troy!
436
00:18:33,710 --> 00:18:35,611
What you did up there really took guts.
437
00:18:35,679 --> 00:18:36,912
I'm impressed.
438
00:18:36,980 --> 00:18:38,380
- Thanks, pierce.
- Yeah.
439
00:18:38,447 --> 00:18:41,616
And such a creative way to
tell the world you're gay.
440
00:18:42,884 --> 00:18:44,385
- Good job up there.
- Thank you.
441
00:18:44,453 --> 00:18:45,619
Where's your date?
442
00:18:45,687 --> 00:18:47,387
Didn't she want to get my autograph?
443
00:18:47,455 --> 00:18:49,222
Oh, she's getting a
permission slip from the dean
444
00:18:49,290 --> 00:18:50,623
To allow us to drive home together.
445
00:18:50,691 --> 00:18:52,124
I heard you guys are official now.
446
00:18:52,192 --> 00:18:53,959
Yeah, I guess.
447
00:18:54,027 --> 00:18:55,494
You actually had a big part in that.
448
00:18:55,561 --> 00:18:58,863
I mean, if I can handle
having a girl for a friend,
449
00:18:58,931 --> 00:19:01,532
Who's to say I'm not
ready for a girlfriend?
450
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,834
Makes perfect sense. Break a leg.
451
00:19:07,905 --> 00:19:09,372
- Flowers.
- Yeah.
452
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:10,940
Is that-- that's what people do, right?
453
00:19:11,008 --> 00:19:12,541
I was gonna throw them up on stage,
454
00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:13,976
But I thought they might catch fire.
455
00:19:14,044 --> 00:19:15,678
No, this is-- this is good.
456
00:19:15,746 --> 00:19:18,814
You can hand them to me. Thank you.
457
00:19:18,882 --> 00:19:20,449
See you Monday.
458
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:30,825
♪ ♪
459
00:19:30,893 --> 00:19:33,293
♪ dancin' at discos,
eatin' cheese on toast ♪
460
00:19:33,361 --> 00:19:35,663
♪ yeah, you make me merry,
make me very, very happy ♪
461
00:19:35,730 --> 00:19:37,363
♪ but you obviously ♪
462
00:19:37,431 --> 00:19:39,832
♪ you didn't want to stick around ♪
463
00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:41,400
♪ so I learnt from you ♪
464
00:19:41,467 --> 00:19:43,901
♪ do do do ♪
465
00:19:43,968 --> 00:19:46,568
♪ dah-do do-do-do-do ♪
466
00:19:46,636 --> 00:19:49,102
♪ dah-do do-do-do-do ♪
467
00:19:49,170 --> 00:19:50,137
♪ dah-do do ♪
468
00:19:50,204 --> 00:19:52,105
Good night, everybody.
469
00:19:56,083 --> 00:19:57,315
Five letters-- broadway musical.
470
00:19:57,383 --> 00:19:59,250
- Annie.
- Uh, six letters--to puncture.
471
00:20:00,118 --> 00:20:01,551
Pierce.
472
00:20:01,619 --> 00:20:03,486
A water filter that starts with "b."
473
00:20:03,554 --> 00:20:04,487
- Brita.
- Okay.
474
00:20:04,555 --> 00:20:06,089
Here's a tough one, though.
475
00:20:06,156 --> 00:20:08,124
- Uh, helen of...
- Troy.
476
00:20:08,191 --> 00:20:09,992
- Oh, damn, you're good.
- Thank you.
477
00:20:10,060 --> 00:20:11,493
I never even heard of that last one.
478
00:20:11,561 --> 00:20:15,730
One of the two brother actors.
Bridges. Four letters.
479
00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:16,931
Hmm.
480
00:20:16,998 --> 00:20:18,499
I know. Bridges.
481
00:20:18,567 --> 00:20:19,733
- I don't know.
- Come on, guys.
482
00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:21,168
Can't you see the pattern there?
483
00:20:21,236 --> 00:20:24,505
Can you see it? It's beau--beau bridges!
484
00:20:24,573 --> 00:20:27,241
These are all things
you can see on tv...
485
00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:28,776
Except for pierce-- that's a misdirect.
486
00:20:28,844 --> 00:20:30,478
- Oh.
- Hmm.
487
00:20:30,545 --> 00:20:33,143
- I love misdirects.
- I love the big lebowski.
488
00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:35,144
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