1 00:00:00,326 --> 00:00:03,226 So, being married different not different? 2 00:00:03,626 --> 00:00:04,626 It's the same. Mostly. 3 00:00:04,626 --> 00:00:06,926 Except I think I might be getting carpal tunnel. 4 00:00:06,926 --> 00:00:08,626 My hand keeps cramping up. 5 00:00:08,626 --> 00:00:11,526 I thought the whole point of getting married was that you didn't have to do that anymore. 6 00:00:12,126 --> 00:00:15,026 No, it's from writing all the thank you notes. 7 00:00:15,226 --> 00:00:16,026 Mostly. 8 00:00:16,326 --> 00:00:18,326 Yeah. You're writing constantly. 9 00:00:18,426 --> 00:00:21,526 There's forms we have to sign, our death folders, 10 00:00:21,526 --> 00:00:22,626 - thank you notes. - Whoa, whoa. 11 00:00:22,626 --> 00:00:24,426 What are death folders? 12 00:00:24,426 --> 00:00:28,326 It's this thing they recommend you do in case one spouse dies unexpectedly. 13 00:00:28,326 --> 00:00:32,126 It's all the information your spouse might need all in one convenient location. 14 00:00:32,226 --> 00:00:35,626 Yeah. Account info, important addresses, 15 00:00:35,626 --> 00:00:38,026 a letter to the other person. All that stuff. 16 00:00:38,326 --> 00:00:40,426 - I'll get the next round. - Thanks. 17 00:00:42,526 --> 00:00:44,326 - I am such a jerk. - Yeah. 18 00:00:45,026 --> 00:00:46,026 Wait, why? 19 00:00:46,226 --> 00:00:48,626 I didn't know that I was supposed to write a letter. 20 00:00:48,726 --> 00:00:51,326 All Lily's gonna find in that folder are a bunch of bank statements 21 00:00:51,326 --> 00:00:53,226 and a funny list of things to do with my ashes. 22 00:00:53,226 --> 00:00:54,826 - Marshall brownies. - Number six. 23 00:00:55,726 --> 00:00:57,626 Oh, God, I am a bad husband. 24 00:00:58,026 --> 00:01:00,826 No, uh, no, I'll just write, I'll write Lily a letter tonight, 25 00:01:00,926 --> 00:01:02,426 - everything'll be fine. - That's right. 26 00:01:03,026 --> 00:01:06,926 Unless... you die between now and then. 27 00:01:07,626 --> 00:01:09,726 - But... come on, that's never gonna happen. - Yes. 28 00:01:09,726 --> 00:01:12,226 If there's one thing we can state with absolute certainty 29 00:01:12,226 --> 00:01:16,126 it's that Marshall Eriksen is not going to die before writing that letter. 30 00:01:16,126 --> 00:01:17,626 No way at all. 31 00:01:17,726 --> 00:01:21,626 In fact, I dare God to smite down 32 00:01:21,726 --> 00:01:24,026 - this perfectly healthy... - Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! 33 00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:26,926 I get it. Okay, you guys know I'm a little superstitious, 34 00:01:26,926 --> 00:01:28,626 and you guys are trying to freak me out. 35 00:01:28,626 --> 00:01:31,126 Well, guess what? It didn't work. So, there. 36 00:01:42,126 --> 00:01:43,426 You guys are jerks! 37 00:01:44,726 --> 00:01:47,226 Sync by vNaru, corrected by a-jay 38 00:01:57,726 --> 00:02:00,726 So, after Robin and I broke up, she needed some time away. 39 00:02:01,026 --> 00:02:03,426 Away from her normal home, her normal life, 40 00:02:03,726 --> 00:02:06,026 and it turns out, her normal self. 41 00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:09,026 I was just so uptight in New York, you know? 44 00:02:18,526 --> 00:02:20,826 I wonder if anyone's ever thought that before. 45 00:02:22,126 --> 00:02:24,026 Here. Eat. 46 00:02:24,526 --> 00:02:27,326 If we run out of fish, I will catch more with my hands. 47 00:02:29,826 --> 00:02:31,026 A drum circle! 48 00:02:31,126 --> 00:02:33,126 They're different every time. Let's go watch! 49 00:02:34,626 --> 00:02:37,626 - Here I am at the drum circle. - Whoa, are you topless? 50 00:02:37,826 --> 00:02:39,726 - Ted, check this out. - Seen 'em. 51 00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:43,326 - Wow, it seems like a great trip. - Oh, it was. 52 00:02:43,626 --> 00:02:44,626 I feel like, 53 00:02:44,826 --> 00:02:47,926 the Robin who left is not the same Robin who came back, you know. 54 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:50,726 Wow, there's a lot of nude people in here. 55 00:02:50,826 --> 00:02:53,226 You haven't changed, Scherbatsky. 56 00:02:53,426 --> 00:02:56,626 You're a sophisticated, scotch-swilling, cigar-smoking, 57 00:02:56,626 --> 00:02:58,726 red-meat-eating, gun-toting New Yorker. 58 00:02:58,826 --> 00:03:01,526 Just shoes and a shirt. That's a look. 59 00:03:01,926 --> 00:03:04,626 What you are not is a massage-giving, windsurfing, 60 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:07,426 bongo-playing, teetotaling, vegan, peacenik, 61 00:03:07,526 --> 00:03:09,926 hippy like you soon to be ex-boyfriend, Gael. 62 00:03:10,026 --> 00:03:11,226 Back me up here, Ted. 63 00:03:11,526 --> 00:03:12,926 I'm just happy Robin's happy. 64 00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:14,126 Thank you. 65 00:03:14,226 --> 00:03:17,826 Man, this is like a "Where's Waldo" of exposed genitalia. 66 00:03:17,926 --> 00:03:20,326 Except that it's really easy to find Waldo. 67 00:03:21,426 --> 00:03:22,926 I'm evolved... 68 00:03:23,026 --> 00:03:24,326 and I'm enjoying living my life 69 00:03:24,426 --> 00:03:27,426 a little bit closer to the way Gael and I did in Argentina. 70 00:03:27,626 --> 00:03:31,026 Please. Vacation romances have an expiration date. 71 00:03:31,326 --> 00:03:34,326 Gael's got a "best if banged by" sticker on him. 72 00:03:34,726 --> 00:03:36,626 Once your romance starts to stink, 73 00:03:36,626 --> 00:03:39,526 you'll dump his ass down the drain like sour milk 74 00:03:39,526 --> 00:03:43,126 and go back to being "Unevolved Robin", the one we actually like. 75 00:03:43,226 --> 00:03:44,826 Back me up here, Ted. 76 00:03:44,926 --> 00:03:46,226 I'm just happy Robin's happy. 77 00:03:47,026 --> 00:03:50,526 - I'm telling you, within three days... - Here he comes. Switched to big words. 78 00:03:50,726 --> 00:03:53,426 Within a triad of solar periods, 79 00:03:53,426 --> 00:03:57,126 you'll recognize your dearth of compatibility with your paramour 80 00:03:57,126 --> 00:03:58,726 and conclude your association. 81 00:03:58,826 --> 00:04:00,426 My journey was transforvative. 82 00:04:00,426 --> 00:04:03,626 And I reassert my commitment to both the aforementioned paramour 83 00:04:03,626 --> 00:04:05,926 and the philosophies he espouses. 84 00:04:05,926 --> 00:04:08,126 What are we talking of? Baseball? 85 00:04:09,126 --> 00:04:12,426 This is all gonna return to masticate you in the gluteals. 86 00:04:13,226 --> 00:04:14,826 Support my hypothesis, Ted. 87 00:04:15,226 --> 00:04:17,826 I'm just jubilant my former paramour's jubilant. 88 00:04:23,646 --> 00:04:26,046 That night, Marshall sat down to write the letter 89 00:04:26,146 --> 00:04:28,246 he hoped Lily would never have to read. 90 00:04:28,846 --> 00:04:32,246 "My dearest, sweetest, Lily pad. 91 00:04:32,946 --> 00:04:36,146 "Let this letter be a small beacon 92 00:04:36,246 --> 00:04:39,346 "a tiny firefly to help light your way 93 00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,446 "through the years ahead. 94 00:04:42,946 --> 00:04:45,246 "My love for you persists 95 00:04:45,546 --> 00:04:47,646 "higher than the Himalayas. 96 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:50,246 Deeper than a Scottish loch." 97 00:04:52,746 --> 00:04:56,146 "If I died under suspicious circumstances, 98 00:04:56,146 --> 00:04:57,946 "then beware. 99 00:04:58,046 --> 00:05:01,446 "Trust no one. Not even Ted." 100 00:05:04,546 --> 00:05:07,146 "Especially not Ted." 101 00:05:07,846 --> 00:05:10,146 "Know that I'll always be there in your heart 102 00:05:10,246 --> 00:05:11,946 "whenever you need me, 103 00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,746 "and that my love for you will never die. 104 00:05:15,246 --> 00:05:18,846 "Love... your marshmallow." 105 00:05:40,246 --> 00:05:42,946 "M, ATM pin code: 106 00:05:42,946 --> 00:05:44,946 5-4-5-9. 107 00:05:45,046 --> 00:05:49,146 "Teacher's pension account: A-3-9-3-2. 108 00:05:49,246 --> 00:05:51,146 "Cancel Vogue, L." 109 00:05:53,746 --> 00:05:57,046 My windsurfing board... it had floated away. 110 00:05:57,146 --> 00:05:58,946 And the shark... 111 00:05:59,246 --> 00:06:01,246 he was getting closer. 112 00:06:01,346 --> 00:06:04,446 They say to escape you punch a shark in the nose. 113 00:06:04,546 --> 00:06:06,646 But I said, "Brother shark, 114 00:06:07,146 --> 00:06:10,346 we are both children from the same Earth mother." 115 00:06:11,646 --> 00:06:13,646 And that's all I remember until the hospital. 116 00:06:15,546 --> 00:06:19,146 - That guy. - Yeah. That guy. 117 00:06:19,246 --> 00:06:20,646 Look at how easy he has it. 118 00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:24,546 You and me, we have to bend over backwards to get a woman to, well, 119 00:06:24,746 --> 00:06:27,946 bend over backwards. But that guy... 120 00:06:28,246 --> 00:06:33,246 Every woman in the bar is hanging on his every slightly mispronounced word. 121 00:06:33,246 --> 00:06:35,946 - And why? - He's better looking than us. 122 00:06:37,046 --> 00:06:40,146 No. Because he's from out of town. 123 00:06:40,746 --> 00:06:44,046 With and accent and an innocent smile, you don't even have to try. 124 00:06:44,746 --> 00:06:47,346 Plus automatic out, you're leaving in a couple of days. 125 00:06:47,946 --> 00:06:49,946 God, I wish we were tourists. 126 00:06:51,546 --> 00:06:53,146 Actually... 127 00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:55,546 You know where I've been meaning to visit? 128 00:06:58,846 --> 00:07:00,446 We're from a small town in the south of France. 129 00:07:00,446 --> 00:07:02,346 Our plane leaves Sunday morning. 130 00:07:02,646 --> 00:07:05,246 Uh, hey, uh, howdy, ladies. 131 00:07:05,346 --> 00:07:07,546 Hate to bother you. We seem to be a little bit lost. 132 00:07:07,546 --> 00:07:10,346 Would you happen to know which street the Statue of Liberty's on? 133 00:07:11,246 --> 00:07:13,246 Actually,it's own Island. 134 00:07:13,346 --> 00:07:15,246 - Oh! - Oh, it's right... 135 00:07:15,346 --> 00:07:17,046 - Ah. - Thank you very... 136 00:07:17,146 --> 00:07:20,746 Uh, my name is, uh, Ignatius Peabody Nobel. 137 00:07:20,846 --> 00:07:23,446 From East Westerton, Missouri. 138 00:07:23,446 --> 00:07:26,446 And this is my friend... Ted. 139 00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:28,346 - Hi, um, I'm Colleen. - Hi, Colleen. 140 00:07:28,446 --> 00:07:30,446 - This is Lindsay. - Hi, Lindsay. 141 00:07:31,346 --> 00:07:34,246 So, hey, you-you-you ladies, been awful nice to us. What do you say... 142 00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:37,246 - Ah, never mind. - No, what is it? 143 00:07:37,346 --> 00:07:39,646 Well... it's just we're leaving Sunday morning. 144 00:07:39,746 --> 00:07:42,846 It sure would be nice to have some real New Yorkers show us around. 145 00:07:44,146 --> 00:07:48,046 Well, we're busy tonight, but... maybe tomorrow afternoon? 146 00:07:48,146 --> 00:07:49,346 After lunch? 147 00:07:49,446 --> 00:07:50,646 Well, hotdog! 148 00:07:50,746 --> 00:07:55,046 Should we... you want just meet here in front of Mac... MacLaren's Pub? 149 00:07:55,246 --> 00:07:56,846 It's kind of a lame bar, but sure. 150 00:07:56,846 --> 00:07:58,646 Really? It doesn't seem that lame to me. 151 00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,546 - It's pretty lame. - I think it's cool. 152 00:08:01,846 --> 00:08:03,446 - We'll see you tomorrow. - All right. 153 00:08:03,546 --> 00:08:06,546 I'm just saying it seems like a kind of bar a lot of cool people would hang out at. 154 00:08:06,546 --> 00:08:07,646 All right, come-on. 155 00:08:07,746 --> 00:08:09,946 So, Gael, huh? Still going strong? 156 00:08:10,046 --> 00:08:12,046 Yeah, it's great. 157 00:08:12,146 --> 00:08:15,746 - Amazing, fantastic, awesome. - Oh, that's one too many. 158 00:08:15,846 --> 00:08:16,946 What's going on? 159 00:08:17,046 --> 00:08:18,546 Well, now that I'm home, 160 00:08:18,546 --> 00:08:21,646 I'm finding myself getting annoyed at things that I loved on vacation. 161 00:08:22,446 --> 00:08:23,446 Here, taste. 162 00:08:24,246 --> 00:08:26,146 Experience your food. 163 00:08:28,046 --> 00:08:30,346 Oh. So good. 164 00:08:30,846 --> 00:08:32,146 Here, taste. 165 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,346 Experience your food. 166 00:08:34,346 --> 00:08:37,046 Ooh, sofa, ooh, sofa. Sofa, sofa, oh. 167 00:08:39,546 --> 00:08:41,246 We're alone now. 168 00:08:41,246 --> 00:08:42,546 I must have you. 169 00:08:47,846 --> 00:08:49,246 I must have you. 170 00:08:49,346 --> 00:08:51,946 Laptop, laptop, laptop! 171 00:08:53,246 --> 00:08:54,346 And you know what else? 172 00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:56,446 I'm still finding sand everywhere. 173 00:08:56,446 --> 00:08:59,846 I mean, we haven't been to the beach since Argentina. Where is all coming from? 174 00:09:00,946 --> 00:09:03,846 Well, maybe you're just going back to the person you were before the trip. 175 00:09:03,846 --> 00:09:05,346 But I don't want to. 176 00:09:05,346 --> 00:09:07,346 I was so happy down there. 177 00:09:07,446 --> 00:09:10,146 No, you know what? I'm done complaining. 178 00:09:10,246 --> 00:09:11,946 I'm evolving. 179 00:09:12,346 --> 00:09:14,746 Just gonna... go with the flow. 180 00:09:20,246 --> 00:09:22,846 Gael, you're peeing while I'm in the shower. 181 00:09:23,846 --> 00:09:28,746 Okay. Okay, old Robin would have been like, dude, ocupado. 182 00:09:28,946 --> 00:09:32,446 But now, you know what, I'm cool with it. Pee it up. 183 00:09:33,546 --> 00:09:36,946 In fact, when you're done, why don't you come in here and join me? 184 00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,146 Don't mind if I do, love. 185 00:09:41,546 --> 00:09:43,846 Gael, there's some weird du... 186 00:09:44,046 --> 00:09:46,246 - Hello. - Hey! Good news! 187 00:09:46,246 --> 00:09:47,946 I made some new traveling friends today, 188 00:09:47,946 --> 00:09:50,146 and they'll be staying with us, how do you say... 189 00:09:50,446 --> 00:09:51,546 Indefinitely! 190 00:09:51,546 --> 00:09:52,546 G'day! 191 00:09:57,146 --> 00:09:59,346 Oh, here. Will you sign this thank you note? 192 00:10:02,246 --> 00:10:04,546 Wow. Both sides. 193 00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:08,746 You wrote on both sides of a thank you note to my third cousin 194 00:10:08,746 --> 00:10:11,246 for a blender that you haven't even taken out of the box. 195 00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,746 - It's a really nice blender. - Well if you love that blender so much, 196 00:10:14,846 --> 00:10:15,846 why don't you just marry it. 197 00:10:16,846 --> 00:10:19,846 I can't. I married you. That's how we go the blender. 198 00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,346 What's wrong? 199 00:10:22,446 --> 00:10:25,746 Nothing. Nothing's wrong. What could be wrong? 200 00:10:25,846 --> 00:10:28,946 Except that when you die I'm gonna find out that your parting words 201 00:10:28,946 --> 00:10:31,846 to comfort me for all eternity were "Cancel Vogue." 202 00:10:32,046 --> 00:10:33,846 How can you open my letter? 203 00:10:33,946 --> 00:10:36,746 That was not a letter. It was barely even a text message. 204 00:10:36,746 --> 00:10:40,046 Next time you write something that short, at least have the courtesy to make it rhyme. 205 00:10:40,846 --> 00:10:42,646 Marshall, wait. 206 00:10:43,346 --> 00:10:45,846 This was our first fight as a married couple. 207 00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:48,246 - Oh, baby. - Oh... 208 00:10:51,746 --> 00:10:53,146 Kids, when you're visiting New York, 209 00:10:53,246 --> 00:10:55,846 there's a count of fun things to see and do. 210 00:10:56,546 --> 00:10:59,646 And yet, Colleen and Lindsay took us to Tater-Skinz. 211 00:10:59,946 --> 00:11:01,646 This is our favorite restaurant in the city. 212 00:11:01,746 --> 00:11:03,546 Yes, I'm sure this is the best 213 00:11:03,646 --> 00:11:07,646 of their 57 "spudtacular" east coast locations. 214 00:11:09,246 --> 00:11:11,546 - I'm going to run to the restroom. - I'm gonna go, too. 215 00:11:16,846 --> 00:11:19,046 This is just the easiest date ever. 216 00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:20,946 You know what I'm gonna try next? A knock, knock joke. 217 00:11:21,146 --> 00:11:22,046 Easiest? 218 00:11:22,046 --> 00:11:23,546 Somehow we have managed to find 219 00:11:23,646 --> 00:11:26,346 the two lamest New Yorkers of all time. 220 00:11:26,346 --> 00:11:29,046 - Ted, Ted, Ted. - Dude, I am looking at you. What? 221 00:11:29,146 --> 00:11:32,446 Right. Stay with me. We are on the cusp 222 00:11:32,546 --> 00:11:35,846 of moving from out-of-towners to in-their-pantsers. 223 00:11:37,946 --> 00:11:40,246 All right, Ignatius, one more hour. 224 00:11:40,746 --> 00:11:43,146 Nice. Hey, nice. 225 00:11:43,846 --> 00:11:46,746 Hey, our friends invited us to a party. You guys want to come along? 226 00:11:46,946 --> 00:11:48,346 - Knock, knock. - Who's there? 227 00:11:48,346 --> 00:11:49,146 Yes, we do. 228 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,346 Quick announcement. 229 00:11:54,446 --> 00:11:58,046 I am so glad that you're here, fellow travelers. 230 00:11:58,746 --> 00:12:01,246 A couple rules... not even rules. 231 00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:05,346 Let's call them guidelines for harmonious living. 232 00:12:06,146 --> 00:12:09,146 Guideline for harmonious living number one... 233 00:12:09,446 --> 00:12:13,046 the kitchen sink is for dishes, the toilet is for pee-pee. 234 00:12:13,346 --> 00:12:15,546 G.F.H.L. Number two... 235 00:12:15,646 --> 00:12:18,446 marijuana is illegal in the United States, 236 00:12:18,546 --> 00:12:20,746 even when baked into a blueberry muffin 237 00:12:20,746 --> 00:12:23,446 that someone might mistakenly eat for breakfast 238 00:12:23,546 --> 00:12:26,546 right before they leave for their job as a TV newscaster. 239 00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:32,146 "This just in: Look at my hand, how weird is my hand?" 240 00:12:32,246 --> 00:12:34,846 is not an appropriate thing to say on the air. 241 00:12:35,946 --> 00:12:37,046 And number three, I... 242 00:12:40,746 --> 00:12:43,746 And number three is please keep the noise to a minimum. 243 00:12:44,246 --> 00:12:45,446 I have to take a nap. 244 00:12:46,346 --> 00:12:47,646 I'm still pretty baked. 245 00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:53,846 Everything's so bright, 246 00:12:54,246 --> 00:12:55,546 even at night. 247 00:12:55,746 --> 00:12:57,546 No wonder the city never sleeps. 248 00:12:58,646 --> 00:13:00,946 Hey, if we're going north, why did we cross over the FDR? 249 00:13:01,046 --> 00:13:02,546 We should have taken the Hudson. 250 00:13:02,646 --> 00:13:04,346 Now he knows all the streets. 251 00:13:04,446 --> 00:13:07,146 Someone's been watching too many Steinfeld reruns. 252 00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:11,746 - Where are we even going anyway? - 148th and Brook Avenue. 253 00:13:11,946 --> 00:13:15,246 A hundred... in the South Bronx at this time of night? 254 00:13:15,246 --> 00:13:16,146 We're going to get killed. 255 00:13:16,146 --> 00:13:18,846 Ted, I think these local New Yorkers 256 00:13:18,946 --> 00:13:22,746 know more about the city than we do, so relax. 257 00:13:22,746 --> 00:13:25,646 We're in very capable hands. 258 00:13:26,546 --> 00:13:29,146 There were three of them, at least two guns... 259 00:13:29,146 --> 00:13:30,146 They took all our money. 260 00:13:30,246 --> 00:13:32,046 Well, I only had traveler's checks. 261 00:13:34,946 --> 00:13:35,846 Hey, babe. 262 00:13:36,346 --> 00:13:38,746 I've been thinking about our fight. 263 00:13:39,046 --> 00:13:39,846 Yes? 264 00:13:41,046 --> 00:13:42,746 I'm really, really... 265 00:13:43,746 --> 00:13:45,846 surprised that you haven't apologized to me yet. 266 00:13:47,346 --> 00:13:50,546 Wow, you really want to open this up again. 267 00:13:50,546 --> 00:13:53,646 Oh, I forgot, you open everything up, 268 00:13:53,646 --> 00:13:55,746 even if you're not supposed to until I'm dead. 269 00:13:55,946 --> 00:13:58,846 You know that this is important to me. Why won't you just write the letter? 270 00:13:58,946 --> 00:14:01,846 Because I can't bear the thought of not being with you, 271 00:14:01,946 --> 00:14:05,346 not even for long enough to write you a stupid letter. 272 00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:06,946 Really? 273 00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:08,446 Yes, really. 274 00:14:09,046 --> 00:14:10,646 Plus, I know as soon as I write it, 275 00:14:10,746 --> 00:14:12,546 you're just going to open it up and read it again. 276 00:14:12,546 --> 00:14:14,646 Lily, I won't, I promise. 277 00:14:17,446 --> 00:14:20,046 I'll write you a letter for my death folder. 278 00:14:20,446 --> 00:14:23,346 Do you mind, um, maybe slipping in a little bit of dirty stuff, too? 279 00:14:25,246 --> 00:14:26,446 I tell you what. 280 00:14:26,846 --> 00:14:29,246 How about I make it all dirty stuff and 281 00:14:29,346 --> 00:14:31,446 slip in a little clean stuff? 282 00:14:32,146 --> 00:14:33,346 You're the best. 283 00:14:34,146 --> 00:14:36,046 And maybe a couple Polaroids? 284 00:14:38,346 --> 00:14:40,746 Come on, let's get out of here. This night's a disaster. 285 00:14:40,746 --> 00:14:41,646 What?! 286 00:14:41,746 --> 00:14:43,846 This night couldn't have gone any better. 287 00:14:44,146 --> 00:14:47,246 We just survived a mugging. You know what that means. 288 00:14:47,346 --> 00:14:50,846 - "Thank God we're alive" sex. - "Thank God we're alive" sex. 289 00:14:50,946 --> 00:14:53,446 It's even better than "I can't believe you just proposed to me" sex, 290 00:14:53,446 --> 00:14:55,246 which I've only had, like, four or five times. 291 00:14:55,346 --> 00:14:58,646 Ted, please, we are so close. 292 00:14:59,046 --> 00:15:01,746 All right, I'm in. I've never worked this hard for anything in my life. 293 00:15:03,646 --> 00:15:08,146 Wow, I think we all need to go back to our place and recover. 294 00:15:08,246 --> 00:15:12,646 Yeah. I just want to celebrate the fact that we survived. You know? 295 00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:15,446 Me, too. 296 00:15:15,446 --> 00:15:18,846 - So where do you live? - What, West Village? 297 00:15:18,946 --> 00:15:20,746 - Close. - West Orange. 298 00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:24,846 - West Orange, New Jersey? - Yeah. 299 00:15:25,146 --> 00:15:27,946 You guys live in New Jersey, not New York? 300 00:15:28,146 --> 00:15:29,046 - Theodore. - Yep. 301 00:15:29,146 --> 00:15:30,746 - New Jersey? - Teddy. 302 00:15:30,746 --> 00:15:32,646 Yeah, but don't worry, it's pretty much New York. 303 00:15:32,646 --> 00:15:35,846 - Oh. No. Oh, no. - Oh, no. 304 00:15:35,846 --> 00:15:38,346 New Jersey is not "pretty much New York." 305 00:15:38,446 --> 00:15:41,446 You are not "pretty much New Yorkers." 306 00:15:41,546 --> 00:15:43,446 - And how would you know? - Because I live here. 307 00:15:43,446 --> 00:15:47,246 That's right, I live here. Yes, we're full of crap, yes. 308 00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:48,746 We pretended to be from out of town 309 00:15:48,746 --> 00:15:50,246 so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. 310 00:15:50,246 --> 00:15:52,146 But you know what's even worse than that? 311 00:15:52,246 --> 00:15:54,946 Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. 312 00:15:54,946 --> 00:15:56,546 Because this is the greatest city in the world 313 00:15:56,546 --> 00:15:59,646 and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. 314 00:15:59,746 --> 00:16:00,846 So why don't you girls 315 00:16:00,946 --> 00:16:04,446 crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel 316 00:16:04,546 --> 00:16:07,946 and flush yourselv back to "pretty much New York"? 317 00:16:08,046 --> 00:16:10,546 Because I will do a lot to get laid, 318 00:16:10,646 --> 00:16:13,946 but I am not going to New Jersey! 319 00:16:18,046 --> 00:16:20,846 You're not from Missouri? 320 00:16:22,746 --> 00:16:26,646 Well, I will be a monkey's unc... 321 00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:30,046 Can we get a ride? 322 00:16:32,646 --> 00:16:35,246 Hey, um, sir, can we get a ride, too? 323 00:16:35,346 --> 00:16:37,646 Newark, born and raised. 324 00:16:49,846 --> 00:16:51,646 Can you please keep it down? 325 00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:55,446 What happened to you, man? 326 00:16:55,546 --> 00:16:58,446 You said you wouldn't change, but look at you. 327 00:16:58,646 --> 00:17:02,546 No more tan, no more beaded braids, 328 00:17:02,546 --> 00:17:06,946 no more lush, untamed forest of leg and armpit hair. 329 00:17:07,746 --> 00:17:10,346 You're back at work. What gives? 330 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,246 Well, I have to have a job. 331 00:17:12,346 --> 00:17:14,346 "I have to have a job." 332 00:17:14,546 --> 00:17:16,646 God, that's so American. 333 00:17:16,746 --> 00:17:18,646 I'm Canadian. You know that. 334 00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:23,146 What about the important things like making your own jewelry 335 00:17:23,246 --> 00:17:26,746 and lying on the beach and thinking about peace? 336 00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:30,846 God, don't you care about thinking about peace? 337 00:17:33,046 --> 00:17:34,346 I just realized something. 338 00:17:34,446 --> 00:17:36,046 That you've lost your way. 339 00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:38,746 No, that you really suck. 340 00:17:38,846 --> 00:17:41,946 You're boring and lame and you're getting sand everywhere. 341 00:17:42,046 --> 00:17:44,046 Seriously, where is all the sand coming from? 342 00:17:45,246 --> 00:17:46,646 You're not the real me. 343 00:17:46,646 --> 00:17:51,046 All you are is me on vacation trying to get away from a break-up. 344 00:17:51,746 --> 00:17:55,046 Don't you remember Argentina? 345 00:17:58,346 --> 00:18:00,446 Don't you want to go back? 346 00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:04,346 - What are you doing? - Shh... 347 00:18:07,046 --> 00:18:08,746 Let this happen. 348 00:18:23,646 --> 00:18:25,146 All right, everyone out. 349 00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:28,046 I said everyone out! 350 00:18:38,446 --> 00:18:41,346 All right, we're leaving, we're leaving, okay. 351 00:18:41,446 --> 00:18:43,646 Michael Moore was so right about Americans. 352 00:18:43,646 --> 00:18:45,246 I'm Canadian! 353 00:18:49,846 --> 00:18:51,946 Robin, you okay? 354 00:18:52,846 --> 00:18:54,346 No, I'm not. 355 00:18:55,146 --> 00:18:56,846 Listen, Gael, 356 00:18:56,846 --> 00:18:58,046 I need to talk to you about something. 357 00:18:58,046 --> 00:19:00,946 After they broke up, Robin went back to being Robin. 358 00:19:01,846 --> 00:19:05,246 - Welcome home, Scherbatsky. - Oh, good to be back. 359 00:19:05,546 --> 00:19:06,646 Although it's weird. 360 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:09,946 Vacation Robin popped into my dream again last night. 361 00:19:09,946 --> 00:19:12,646 - Listening. - This time we went all the way. 362 00:19:13,346 --> 00:19:14,346 Tell you one thing. 363 00:19:14,346 --> 00:19:17,446 She may be sandy, but that chick knows what I like. 364 00:19:23,550 --> 00:19:25,950 Okay, I'm done. 365 00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:29,450 But I really don't want you reading this unless... you know, 366 00:19:29,550 --> 00:19:31,250 something happens. 367 00:19:31,450 --> 00:19:33,350 Can you swear to me you won't open it? 368 00:19:33,450 --> 00:19:35,150 Totally. What does it say? 369 00:19:35,950 --> 00:19:37,850 Marshall, I'm serious. 370 00:19:38,150 --> 00:19:38,950 Okay. 371 00:19:39,650 --> 00:19:43,150 I promise I won't, I won't open that until you're dead. 372 00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:48,150 And through 22 wonderful years of marriage, Marshall kept his promise 373 00:19:48,450 --> 00:19:50,650 until November 1 of last year 374 00:19:50,850 --> 00:19:52,350 when, sadly... 375 00:20:07,450 --> 00:20:10,050 "Busted! I knew you'd read this. 376 00:20:10,050 --> 00:20:12,950 You suck, Marshall, you totally suck." 377 00:20:15,350 --> 00:20:16,550 That's it? 378 00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:18,750 I suck? 379 00:20:19,850 --> 00:20:21,350 - Lily. - Yes, you suck. 380 00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:23,450 You said you wouldn't read it and you did. 381 00:20:23,550 --> 00:20:25,050 Well, you didn't keep your promise either. 382 00:20:25,050 --> 00:20:26,750 I don't see any dirty pictures in here. 383 00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:29,650 Oh, fine, I'll take the dirty pictures. 384 00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:31,150 I don't want 'em now. 385 00:20:32,050 --> 00:20:34,350 - What is that supposed to mean? - What?! 386 00:20:34,350 --> 00:20:36,250 Nothing. Nothing. 387 00:20:36,250 --> 00:20:39,850 You're beautiful. I would love the photos. Have I told you how beautiful you look?