1
00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:04,999
Different, not different?

2
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,400
It's the same. Mostly.

3
00:00:06,500 --> 00:00:08,700
Except I think I might
be getting carpal tunnel.

4
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,300
My hand keeps cramping up.

5
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:11,500
I thought the whole point
of getting married was

6
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:13,600
that you didn't have to do that anymore.

7
00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:16,700
No, it's from writing
all the thank you notes.

8
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,000
Mostly.
Yeah.

9
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,800
You're writing constantly.

10
00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:22,900
There's forms we
have to sign, our death folders,

11
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,100
thank you notes.
Whoa, whoa.

12
00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:25,900
What are death folders?

13
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,400
It's this thing they recommend you do

14
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:29,800
in case one spouse dies unexpectedly.

15
00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:33,600
It's all the information
your spouse might need

16
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:34,300
all in one convenient location
Yeah.

17
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,000
Account info,
important addresses,

18
00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:38,500
a letter to the other person.

19
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:39,700
All that stuff.

20
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,840
I'll get the next round.

21
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,200
I am such a jerk.

22
00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:46,300
Yeah.

23
00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:47,800
Wait, why?

24
00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:50,000
I didn't know that I was
supposed to write a letter.

25
00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:50,800
All Lily's gonna find

26
00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:52,700
in that folder are a bunch
of bank statements

27
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:54,700
and a funny list of things to do
with my ashes.

28
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,100
- Marshall brownies. Number six.
- Yeah.

29
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,400
Oh, God, I am a bad husband.

30
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:00,900
No, uh, no, I'll just write,

31
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,100
I'll write Lily a letter
tonight, everything'll be fine.

32
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:04,300
That's right.

33
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:05,900
Unless...

34
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:09,000
- you die between now and then.
- Ooh.

35
00:01:09,035 --> 00:01:11,200
- But... come on, that's never gonna happen.
- Yes!

36
00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:13,800
If there's one thing we can
state with absolute certainty

37
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:16,300
it's that Marshall Eriksen
is not going to die

38
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:17,500
before writing that letter.

39
00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:18,900
No way at all.

40
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:24,099
In fact, I dare God to smite down
this perfectly healthy...

41
00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:25,600
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

44
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,000
and you guys are trying to freak me out.

45
00:01:30,100 --> 00:01:31,700
Well, guess what?
It didn't work.

46
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,800
So, there.

47
00:01:43,700 --> 00:01:45,700
You guys are jerks!

48
00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:00,700
<i>Kids, after Robin and I broke up,</i>

49
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:02,400
<i>she needed some time away.</i>

50
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:05,000
<i>Away from her normal home,
her normal life,</i>

51
00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:07,800
<i>and it turns out,
her normal self.</i>

52
00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:10,500
I was just so uptight
in New York, you know?

53
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:13,700
I mean down here everybody
shares everything.

54
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:19,300
It's like we're all one big
shimmering ball of positive energy.

55
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:23,600
I wonder if anyone's ever
thought that before.

56
00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:25,700
Here. Eat.

57
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:30,590
If we run out of fish, I will
catch more with my hands.

58
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:32,500
A drum circle!

59
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:33,400
They're different every time.

60
00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:36,100
Let's go watch!

61
00:02:36,135 --> 00:02:37,600
And here I am at the drum circle.

62
00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:39,200
Whoa, are you topless?

63
00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:40,400
Ted, check this out.

64
00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:41,800
Seen 'em.

65
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:43,800
Wow, it seems like a great trip.

66
00:02:43,900 --> 00:02:44,900
Oh, it was.

67
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,200
I feel like the Robin who left

68
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:49,500
is not the same Robin
who came back, you know.

69
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,100
Wow, there's a lot of
nude people in here.

70
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,800
You haven't changed,
Scherbatsky.

71
00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:56,900
You're a sophisticated,
scotch-swilling,

72
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,800
cigar-smoking,
red-meat-eating,

73
00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:00,200
gun-toting New Yorker.

74
00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:01,900
Just shoes and a shirt.

75
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,300
That's a look.

76
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:07,299
What you are not is a massage-giving,
windsurfing, bongo-playing,

77
00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:09,300
teetotaling, vegan,
peacenik, hippy

78
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,400
like you soon to be ex-boyfriend, Gael.

79
00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:12,900
Back me up here, Ted.

80
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,900
I'm just happy Robin's happy.

81
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,500
- Thank you.
- Man, this is like a

82
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,300
"Where's Waldo" of exposed genitalia.

83
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:23,055
Except that it's really
easy to find Waldo.

84
00:03:23,100 --> 00:03:24,400
I'm evolved...

85
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:25,700
and I'm enjoying living my life

86
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,500
a little bit closer to the way Gael

87
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,800
- and I did in Argentina.
- Please.

88
00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:32,700
Vacation romances have
an expiration date.

89
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:36,300
Gael's got a "best if
banged by" sticker on him.

90
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:41,100
Once your romance starts to stink,
you'll dump his ass down the drain

91
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:42,669
like sour milk and go back to being

92
00:03:42,670 --> 00:03:44,600
"Unevolved Robin, " the
one we actually like.

93
00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:46,300
Back me up here, Ted.

94
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,500
I'm just happy Robin's happy.

95
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,200
I'm telling you,
within three days...

96
00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:51,900
Ooh, here he comes.
Switched to big words.

97
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,899
Within a triad of solar periods,

98
00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:56,700
you'll recognize your dearth

99
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:58,500
of compatibility with your paramour

100
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,200
and conclude your association.

101
00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:01,900
My journey was transformative.

102
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,200
And I reassert my commitment to both
the aforementioned paramour

103
00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:07,100
and the philosophies he espouses.

104
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:08,700
What are we talking of?

105
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:10,400
baseball?

106
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:14,500
This is all gonna return to
masticate you in the gluteals.

107
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,500
Support my hypothesis, Ted.

108
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:20,595
I'm just jubilant my former
paramour's jubilant.

109
00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:26,500
To write the letter

110
00:04:26,535 --> 00:04:29,300
<i>he hoped Lily would never have to read.</i>

111
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:33,000
"My dearest,
sweetest, Lily pad.

112
00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:36,475
"Let this letter be a small beacon,

113
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,800
"a tiny firefly to help light your way

114
00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:42,025
"through the years ahead.

115
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:46,000
"My love for you persists

116
00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:48,400
"higher than the Himalayas.

117
00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:51,165
Deeper than a Scottish loch. "

118
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:58,399
"If I died under suspicious
circumstances, "then beware.

119
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,500
"Trust no oneNot even Ted. "

120
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,000
"Especially not Ted. "

121
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:12,600
"Know that I'll always be there in
your heart "whenever you need me,

122
00:05:12,700 --> 00:05:15,700
"and that my love for
you will never die.

123
00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:17,800
"Love...

124
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:19,900
your marshmallow. "

125
00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:41,800
"M.

126
00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:45,399
"ATM pin
code: 5-4-5-9.

127
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:49,600
"Teacher's pension
account: A-3-9-3-2.

128
00:05:49,635 --> 00:05:50,700
<i>"Cancel Vogue.</i>

129
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,800
L. "

130
00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:55,700
My windsurfing board...

131
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,500
it had floated away.

132
00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,800
And the shark...

133
00:05:59,835 --> 00:06:02,700
he was getting closer.
They say to escape

134
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:04,900
you punch a shark in the nose.

135
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,550
But I said, "Brother shark,

136
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:11,680
we are both children from
the same Earth mother. "

137
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:15,900
And that's all I remember
until the hospital.

138
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,000
That guy.
Yeah.

139
00:06:18,035 --> 00:06:19,600
That guy.

140
00:06:19,700 --> 00:06:21,000
Look at how easy he has it.

141
00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:23,100
You and me, we have
to bend over backwards

142
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,800
to get a woman to, well,
bend over backwards.

143
00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:28,600
But that guy...

144
00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:30,400
Every woman in the bar is hanging

145
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,500
on his every slightly
mispronounced word.

146
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,000
And why?

147
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:37,480
He's better looking than us.

148
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:38,600
No.

149
00:06:38,700 --> 00:06:41,200
Because he's from out of town.
Mmm.

150
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:43,100
With and accent and an innocent smile,

151
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:45,200
you don't even have to try.
Yeah.

152
00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:48,400
Plus automatic out, you're leaving in
a couple of days.

153
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:51,390
God, I wish we were tourists.
Yeah.

154
00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:53,800
Actually...

155
00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:57,385
You know where I've been
meaning to visit?

156
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,800
Okay, okay, we're from a small
town in the south of France.

157
00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:03,100
Our plane leaves Sunday morning.

158
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:06,600
Uh, hey, uh, howdy, ladies.
Hate to bother you.

159
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:07,900
We seem to be a little bit lost.

160
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,200
Would you happen to know which street

161
00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:11,799
the Statue of Liberty's on?

162
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,700
Actually,
it's on its own island.

163
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,800
Oh!
Oh, it's right...

164
00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:17,500
Ah.
Thank you very...

165
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:21,499
Uh, my name is, uh,
Ignatius Peabody Nobel.

166
00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:23,800
From East Westerton,
Missouri.

167
00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:26,999
And this is my friend, Ted.

168
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,400
Hi, um, I'm Colleen.

169
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:29,600
Hi, Colleen.
This is Lindsay.

170
00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:31,900
Hi, Lindsay.

171
00:07:31,935 --> 00:07:34,100
So, hey,:you-you-you
ladies, been awful nice to us.

172
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,100
What do you say...

173
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,700
Ah, never mind.
No...

174
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:37,800
No, what is it?

175
00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:38,400
Well...

176
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,100
it's just we're leaving Sunday morning.

177
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,900
It sure would be nice to have some
real New Yorkers show us around.

178
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,500
Yeah.

179
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,500
Well, we're busy tonight, but...

180
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,500
maybe tomorrow afternoon?

181
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:49,800
After lunch?

182
00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:51,200
Well, hotdog!

183
00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:51,900
Should we...

184
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,000
you want to just meet here

185
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:55,400
in front of Mac...
MacLaren's Pub?

186
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:57,200
It's kind of a lame bar, but sure.

187
00:07:57,300 --> 00:07:59,100
Really?
It doesn't seem that lame to me.

188
00:07:59,200 --> 00:07:59,700
It's pretty lame.

189
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,800
I think it's cool.

190
00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:03,700
We'll see you tomorrow.

191
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,400
I'm just saying it
seems like a kind of bar

192
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:06,800
a lot of cool people would hang out at.

193
00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:08,200
Okay, all right.

194
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:09,200
So, Gael, huh?
Mmm.

195
00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:10,300
Still going strong?

196
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:14,800
Yeah, it's great.
Amazing, fantastic, awesome.

197
00:08:14,835 --> 00:08:16,400
Ooh, that's one too many.

198
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:17,300
What's going on?

199
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,900
Well, now that I'm home,

200
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,300
I'm finding myself getting annoyed

201
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,700
at things that I loved on vacation.

202
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,600
Here, taste.

203
00:08:24,700 --> 00:08:26,700
Experience your food.

204
00:08:28,700 --> 00:08:31,400
Oh. So good.

205
00:08:31,435 --> 00:08:33,000
Here, taste.

206
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:34,900
Experience your food.

207
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:38,060
Ooh, sofa,
ooh, sofa. Sofa, sofa, oh.

208
00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:41,700
Ooh.
We're alone now.

209
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,800
I must have you.

210
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:49,800
Ooh.
I must have you.

211
00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:51,900
Laptop, laptop, laptop!

212
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:54,700
And you know what else?

213
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,700
I'm still finding sand everywhere.

214
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,900
I mean, we haven't been
to the beach since Argentina.

215
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,125
Where is all coming from?

216
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:04,400
maybe you are going back to the person
you were before the trip.

217
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:05,600
But I don't want to.

218
00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:07,999
I was so happy down there.

219
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,200
No, you know what?

220
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:10,600
I'm done complaining.

221
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:12,900
I'm evolving.

222
00:09:12,935 --> 00:09:15,300
Just gonna go with the flow.

223
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:20,600
Wow.

224
00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:24,200
Gael, you're peeing
while I'm in the shower.

225
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:25,500
Okay.

226
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:29,300
<i>Okay, old Robin would have been
like, dude, ocupado.</i>

227
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,900
But now, you know what,
I'm cool with it.

228
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,800
Pee it up.

229
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:35,000
In fact,

230
00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:38,100
when you're done, why don't you
come in here and join me?

231
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,325
Don't mind if I do, love.

232
00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:44,400
Gael, there's some weird du...

233
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:45,700
Hello.
Hey!

234
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:46,600
Good news!

235
00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:48,200
I made some new traveling friends today,

236
00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:50,900
and they will staying with us
how do you say

237
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,600
indefinitely!

238
00:09:58,700 --> 00:10:01,590
Will you sign this thank you note?

239
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:04,600
Wow.

240
00:10:04,700 --> 00:10:05,800
Both sides.

241
00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:10,100
You wrote on both sides of a
thank you note to my third cousin

242
00:10:10,135 --> 00:10:12,300
for a blender that you haven't
even taken out of the box.

243
00:10:12,335 --> 00:10:14,000
Wow, that's...

244
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:15,500
It's a really nice blender.
Well, if you love

245
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,000
that blender so much,
why don't you just marry it.

246
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:19,600
I can't.
I married you.

247
00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:22,300
That's how we got the blender.

248
00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:23,700
What's wrong?

249
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,200
Nothing.
Nothing's wrong.

250
00:10:26,235 --> 00:10:27,000
What could be wrong?

251
00:10:27,100 --> 00:10:29,400
Except that when you die
I'm gonna find out

252
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,800
that your parting words
to comfort me for all eternity

253
00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:33,400
<i>were "Cancel Vogue. "</i>

254
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,300
How can you open my letter?

255
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:36,400
That was not a letter.

256
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,100
It was barely even a text message.

257
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,000
Next time you write something

258
00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:42,200
that short, at least have
the courtesy to make it rhyme.

259
00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:44,300
Marshall, wait.

260
00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:47,300
This was our first fight
as a married couple.

261
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:48,500
Oh, baby.

262
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,600
Oh...
Oh.

263
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,100
<i>This is our favorite
restaurant in the city.</i>

264
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,000
Yes, I'm sure this is the best

265
00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:09,100
of their 57 "spudtacular"
east coast locations.

266
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,900
- I'm going to run to the restroom.
- I'm gonna go, too.

267
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,500
This is the easiest date ever.

268
00:11:20,535 --> 00:11:21,300
You know what I'm gonna try next?

269
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:22,500
A knock, knock joke.

270
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,600
Easiest?
Somehow we have managed

271
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:27,700
to find the two lamest
New Yorkers of all time.

272
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,200
Ted, Ted, Ted.
Dude, I am looking at you.

273
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:31,400
What?
Right.

274
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:32,300
Stay with me.

275
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:37,900
We are on the cusp of moving from
out-of-towners to in-their-pantsers.

276
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,700
Ay-o.

277
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,200
All right, Ignatius, one more hour.
Nice.

278
00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:44,300
Nice. Hey, nice.
Hey...

279
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,000
Hey, our friends invited us to a party.

280
00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:49,200
You guys want to come along?
Knock, knock.

281
00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:51,300
Who's there?
Yes, we do.

282
00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:55,800
Quick announcement.

283
00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:59,980
I am so glad that you're here,
fellow travelers.

284
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:01,600
A couple rules...

285
00:12:01,700 --> 00:12:02,700
not even rules.

286
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:07,200
Let's call them guidelines
for harmonious living.

287
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,600
Guideline for harmonious living

288
00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:10,800
number one--

289
00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:14,700
the kitchen sink is for dishes,
the toilet is for pee-pee.

290
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:15,800
G. F. H. L.

291
00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:17,000
number two--

292
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,900
marijuana is illegal
in the United States,

293
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,000
even when baked into a blueberry muffin

294
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:25,000
that someone might mistakenly
eat for breakfast

295
00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:28,700
right before they leave for
their job as a TV newscaster.

296
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:33,700
"This just in: look at my hand,
how weird is my hand?"

297
00:12:33,735 --> 00:12:37,400
is not an appropriate
thing to say on the air.

298
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:39,500
and Number 3

299
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:45,300
and number 3 is please
keep the noise to a minimum

300
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,800
I have to take a nap.

301
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,800
I'm still pretty baked.

302
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:57,200
Everything's so bright,
even at night.

303
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,920
No wonder the city never sleeps.

304
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:01,300
Hey, if we're going north,

305
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:02,600
why did we cross over the FDR?

306
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:04,100
We should have taken the Hudson.

307
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,700
Now he knows all the streets.

308
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:09,965
<i>Someone's been watching
too many Steinfeld reruns.</i>

309
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:11,400
Where are we even going anyway?

310
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:13,100
148th and Brook Avenue.

311
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,600
A hundred-- in the South
Bronx at this time of night?

312
00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:17,500
We're going to get killed.

313
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,300
Ted, I think these local New Yorkers

314
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:24,300
know more about the city
than we do, so relax.

315
00:13:24,335 --> 00:13:26,900
We're in very capable hands.

316
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,600
There were three of them,
at least two guns...

317
00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:31,700
they took all our money.

318
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,775
Well, I only had traveler's checks.

319
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,700
Hey, babe.

320
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,500
I've been thinking about our fight.

321
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,400
Yes?

322
00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:45,200
I'm really, really...

323
00:13:45,235 --> 00:13:48,700
surprised that you haven't
apologized to me yet.

324
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,900
Wow, you really want
to open this up again.

325
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:55,199
Oh, I forgot,
you open everything up,

326
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,300
even if you're not supposed to
until I'm dead.

327
00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:58,600
You know that this is important to me.

328
00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:00,100
Why won't you just write the letter?

329
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,200
Because I can't bear the
thought of not being with you,

330
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:07,400
not even for long enough
to write you a stupid letter.

331
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:08,700
Really?

332
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,300
Yes, really.

333
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,000
Plus, I know as soon as I write it,

334
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:14,000
you're just going to open
it up and read it again.

335
00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:16,300
Lily, I won't,
I promise.

336
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,000
Okay.

337
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:21,700
I'll write you a letter
for my death folder.

338
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,500
Do you mind, um,
maybe slipping

339
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,660
in a little bit of dirty stuff, too?

340
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,300
I tell you what.

341
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,300
How about I make it all dirty stuff

342
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:33,500
and slip in a little clean stuff?

343
00:14:33,535 --> 00:14:35,500
You're the best.

344
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,895
And maybe a couple of Polaroids?

345
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:40,900
Come on,
let's get out of here.

346
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,100
This night's a disaster.
What?!

347
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,500
This night couldn't
have gone any better.

348
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:46,900
We just survived a mugging.

349
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,700
You know what that means.

350
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:49,900
"Thank God we're alive" sex.

351
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,399
"Thank God we're alive" sex.

352
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:52,800
It's even better

353
00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:56,500
than "I can't believe you
just proposed to me" sex,

354
00:14:56,600 --> 00:15:00,200
Ted, please, we are so close.

355
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:04,100
I've never worked this hard
for anything in my life.

356
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:05,100
Whew!

357
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:09,600
Wow, I think we all need to go
back to our place and recover.

358
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:10,700
Yeah.

359
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,500
I just want to celebrate the fact
that we survived.

360
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,799
You know?
Mm-hmm.

361
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:16,700
Me, too.

362
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,999
So where do you live?

363
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,700
What, West Village?
Close.

364
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,800
West Orange.

365
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:25,965
- West Orange, New Jersey?
- Yeah.

366
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:29,600
You guys live in New Jersey,
not New York?

367
00:15:29,635 --> 00:15:30,500
Theodore.
Yep.

368
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,100
New Jersey?
Teddy. Yeah, but don't worry,

369
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,700
it's pretty much New York.
Oh.

370
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:35,700
No.

371
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:36,600
Oh, no.

372
00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:37,134
Oh, no.

373
00:15:37,135 --> 00:15:39,800
New Jersey is not
"pretty much new york. "

374
00:15:39,835 --> 00:15:42,999
You are not "pretty much new yorkers. "

375
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,700
And how would you know?
Because I live here.

376
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,500
That's right,
I live here.

377
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,000
Yes, we're full of crap.

378
00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:50,100
Yes, we pretended to be from out of town

379
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,600
so we could sleep with you
and leave in the morning.

380
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,500
But you know what's
even worse than that?

381
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,300
Saying you're a New Yorker
when you're not.

382
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:57,900
Because this is the
greatest city in the world

383
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:01,100
and you have to earn the right
to call yourself a New Yorker.

384
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,456
So why don't you girls crawl into the

385
00:16:03,457 --> 00:16:06,200
open sewer pipe you
call the Holland Tunnel

386
00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:09,400
and flush yourselves back
to "pretty much New York"?

387
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:12,599
Because I will do a lot to get laid,

388
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,600
but I am not going to New Jersey!

389
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,400
You're not from Missouri?

390
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:28,600
Well, I will be a monkey's unc...

391
00:16:28,635 --> 00:16:29,500
Ew.
Right.

392
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,600
Can we get a ride?

393
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:34,900
Hey, um, sir,

394
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,600
can we get a ride, too?

395
00:16:36,700 --> 00:16:39,000
Newark, born and raised.

396
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,780
Can you please keep it down?

397
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,800
What happened to you, man?

398
00:16:56,900 --> 00:17:00,000
You said you wouldn't
change, but look at you.

399
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:04,100
No more tan,
no more beaded braids,

400
00:17:04,135 --> 00:17:05,000
no more lush,

401
00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:08,800
untamed forest of leg and armpit hair.

402
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:10,500
You're back at work.

403
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:11,900
What gives?

404
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,800
Well, I have to have a job.

405
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:16,399
"I have to have a job. "

406
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,100
God, that's so American.

407
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,495
I'm Canadian.
You know that.

408
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:24,600
What about the important things
like making your own jewelry

409
00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:26,100
and lying on the beach

410
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,325
and thinking about peace?

411
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:32,500
God, don't you care about
thinking about peace?

412
00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:34,400
Wow.

413
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:36,100
I just realized something.

414
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,600
That you've lost your way.

415
00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:40,400
No, that you really suck.

416
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:41,800
You're boring and lame

417
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:43,700
and you're getting sand everywhere.

418
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,700
Seriously, where is
all the sand coming from?

419
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:47,900
You're not the real me.

420
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,499
All you are is me on vacation

421
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:53,200
trying to get away from a break-up.

422
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:56,300
Don't you remember Argentina?

423
00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:02,110
Don't you want to go back?

424
00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:03,300
What are you doing?

425
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,300
Shh...

426
00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:10,700
Let this happen.

427
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,240
All right, everyone out.

428
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,000
I said everyone out!

429
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,800
All right, we're leaving,
we're leaving, okay.

430
00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:45,100
Michael Moore was so right
about Americans.

431
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,200
I'm Canadian!

432
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,200
Robin, you okay?

433
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,300
No, I'm not.

434
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,600
Listen, Gael, I need to talk to you
about something.

435
00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:03,100
<i>After they broke up,
Robin went back to being Robin.</i>

436
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:04,700
Welcome home, Scherbatsky.

437
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,000
Oh, good to be back.

438
00:19:07,035 --> 00:19:08,100
Although it's weird.

439
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,300
Vacation Robin popped into
my dream again last night.

440
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,500
Listening.

441
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,700
This time we went all the way.

442
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:15,700
Tell you one thing.

443
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:21,400
She made me sandy
but that's what I like

444
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,700
Okay, I'm done.

445
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:31,100
But I really don't want you
reading this unless...

446
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,580
you know, something happens.

447
00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:35,700
Can you swear to me you won't open it?

448
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,010
Totally. What does it say?

449
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,500
Marshall, I'm serious.

450
00:19:40,535 --> 00:19:42,100
Okay.

451
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,500
I promise I won't, I won't
open that until you're dead.

452
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:46,800
Okay.

453
00:19:46,900 --> 00:19:48,500
<i>And through 22 wonderful years
of marriage,</i>

454
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,725
<i>Marshall kept his promise</i>

455
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:55,600
<i>until November 1 of
last year when, sadly...</i>

456
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,400
"Busted! I knew you'd read this.

457
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:15,645
You suck, Marshall,
you totally suck. "

458
00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:19,900
That's it?

459
00:20:19,935 --> 00:20:21,900
I suck?

460
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:23,800
Lily.
Yes, you suck.

461
00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:25,100
You said you wouldn't read it

462
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:25,671
and you did.

463
00:20:25,672 --> 00:20:27,400
Well, you didn't keep
your promise either.

464
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,200
I don't see any dirty pictures in here.

465
00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:29,900
Oh, fine,

466
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,300
I'll take the dirty pictures.

467
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,400
I don't want 'em now.

468
00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:36,000
What is that supposed to mean?

469
00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:36,700
What?!

470
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:37,800
Nothing.

471
00:20:37,900 --> 00:20:38,500
nothing.

472
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:39,600
You're beautiful.

473
00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:43,225
I would love the photos. Have I
told you how beautiful you look?