1 00:00:02,602 --> 00:00:03,736 - Missed you at lunch today. 2 00:00:03,790 --> 00:00:05,858 Did you slip out for a quickie with professor hot stuff? 3 00:00:05,926 --> 00:00:07,560 - Her name is Michelle, and how did you know? 4 00:00:07,627 --> 00:00:09,495 - There's a gold star on your fly. 5 00:00:09,563 --> 00:00:12,098 - [Gasps] You weren't kidding. 6 00:00:12,165 --> 00:00:13,532 You know, it's nice to have a girlfriend 7 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,234 with a sense of humor and one who recognizes good work. 8 00:00:15,302 --> 00:00:17,636 - Oh, it'll change your life. Let me teach you the chords. 9 00:00:17,704 --> 00:00:19,972 See, that's "g." that's the most important chord. 10 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,241 In my mind, it... it stands for "God." 11 00:00:22,309 --> 00:00:24,076 - Why is Annie talking to micro-nipples? 12 00:00:24,144 --> 00:00:25,845 - Vaughn? Whatever. 13 00:00:25,912 --> 00:00:27,046 - But not like a bible God, 14 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,681 because I think that God is in everything. 15 00:00:28,749 --> 00:00:30,583 - You're complicated. 16 00:00:30,650 --> 00:00:32,351 - * Annie * 17 00:00:32,419 --> 00:00:35,421 ♪ Annie, where are you going today? ♪ 18 00:00:35,489 --> 00:00:37,056 - Spanish class. 19 00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,224 - * Spanish * 20 00:00:38,291 --> 00:00:40,059 - you know what I don't get? 21 00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:42,161 He never wears a shirt. He never wears shoes. 22 00:00:42,229 --> 00:00:45,164 Why hasn't he died from lack of service? 23 00:00:47,768 --> 00:00:49,869 - You watching another movie in your dorm tonight? 24 00:00:49,936 --> 00:00:52,271 - Kickpuncher, starring don "the demon" Donaldson 25 00:00:52,339 --> 00:00:54,406 as a cyborg cop whose punches have the power of kicks. 26 00:00:54,474 --> 00:00:56,509 - That sounds awful. I'll bring the popcorn. 27 00:00:56,576 --> 00:00:57,810 - Cool. 28 00:00:57,878 --> 00:00:59,912 - Uh, you... you watch bad movies on purpose? 29 00:00:59,980 --> 00:01:01,514 - Yeah. We make fun of 'em. 30 00:01:01,581 --> 00:01:03,315 - Shirley, don't embarrass yourself. 31 00:01:03,383 --> 00:01:05,117 I'm sure they don't want to invite a housewife. 32 00:01:05,185 --> 00:01:07,419 - Actually, if she doesn't mind reinforcing the stereotype, 33 00:01:07,487 --> 00:01:09,288 I bet Shirley would have fun talking smack at a movie. 34 00:01:09,356 --> 00:01:11,290 Care to join us? - Usually when a movie's bad, 35 00:01:11,358 --> 00:01:13,325 I stop watching, but this sounds college-y. 36 00:01:13,393 --> 00:01:15,861 - What time do you want us there? 37 00:01:15,929 --> 00:01:18,164 - Pierce, you don't want 38 00:01:18,231 --> 00:01:20,132 to watch a cyborg movie in Abed's dorm. 39 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:21,300 You want to lay on your twin bed 40 00:01:21,368 --> 00:01:23,169 and think about what you used to be. 41 00:01:23,236 --> 00:01:25,004 - What? You think I'm too old 42 00:01:25,071 --> 00:01:27,406 to make monkeyshines at a picture show? 43 00:01:27,474 --> 00:01:29,708 Come on. I'm younger than the three of you put together. 44 00:01:33,346 --> 00:01:36,715 - Yeah, you know, everyone talks about his nipples, 45 00:01:36,783 --> 00:01:38,317 but his feet freak me out. 46 00:01:38,385 --> 00:01:40,186 - Britta! 47 00:01:40,253 --> 00:01:41,821 - Hey. - Hi. 48 00:01:41,888 --> 00:01:43,856 - Can I ask you something... 49 00:01:43,924 --> 00:01:45,958 About Vaughn? - Oh, yes. 50 00:01:46,026 --> 00:01:48,227 I still don't know if that's his first or last name. 51 00:01:48,295 --> 00:01:51,096 - [Chuckles] He's sweet, actually. 52 00:01:51,164 --> 00:01:53,299 I mean, you must have thought so. 53 00:01:53,366 --> 00:01:56,202 - He has a sincerity I found attractive 54 00:01:56,269 --> 00:01:58,904 in a simpler time. 55 00:01:58,972 --> 00:02:02,474 - Would you... um, I haven't... 56 00:02:02,542 --> 00:02:04,710 we haven't... anything. 57 00:02:04,778 --> 00:02:07,213 I mean... - wow, you and Vaughn. 58 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:08,547 - Would it bug you? 59 00:02:08,615 --> 00:02:10,683 - Well, what about you and Troy? 60 00:02:10,750 --> 00:02:12,451 - Troy... 61 00:02:12,519 --> 00:02:13,586 The other day after Spanish, 62 00:02:13,653 --> 00:02:14,920 I thought he was trying to hold my hand, 63 00:02:14,988 --> 00:02:17,990 but he'd just mistaken me for abed. 64 00:02:18,058 --> 00:02:19,558 He'll never think of me that way. 65 00:02:19,626 --> 00:02:23,028 - Well, Annie, I would have to be a villain 66 00:02:23,096 --> 00:02:24,730 to tell you who to date, which I am not. 67 00:02:24,798 --> 00:02:26,765 - [Shrieks] Britta! 68 00:02:26,833 --> 00:02:28,133 Thank you. 69 00:02:28,201 --> 00:02:30,102 You're the coolest girl I've ever met. 70 00:02:30,170 --> 00:02:32,438 - Damn right. Give me some fivesies. 71 00:02:32,505 --> 00:02:34,540 Whoo. 72 00:02:34,608 --> 00:02:37,576 Turning it into a snake. 73 00:02:37,644 --> 00:02:39,645 - Cool. 74 00:02:41,648 --> 00:02:43,215 [Rock music] 75 00:02:43,283 --> 00:02:48,254 - * I can't count the reasons I should stay * 76 00:02:54,394 --> 00:02:56,095 - hey. How's it going? 77 00:02:56,162 --> 00:02:57,730 Did you hear? It's cute... Annie and Vaughn. 78 00:02:57,797 --> 00:03:00,065 - Get to the cute part. 79 00:03:00,133 --> 00:03:02,301 - She's into him. She asked for my blessing. 80 00:03:02,369 --> 00:03:04,169 - And you gave it? 81 00:03:04,237 --> 00:03:05,604 - Yeah. I'm done with him. 82 00:03:05,672 --> 00:03:08,007 - Look, this isn't about you, you groovy hipster. 83 00:03:08,074 --> 00:03:09,341 It's about Annie. 84 00:03:09,409 --> 00:03:11,010 We're like her Greendale parents. 85 00:03:11,077 --> 00:03:12,745 You got to say no to that stuff. 86 00:03:12,812 --> 00:03:13,946 - He's not that bad. 87 00:03:14,014 --> 00:03:15,214 - Yeah, not if you're 28 88 00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:16,315 and you're fooling around with him. 89 00:03:16,383 --> 00:03:17,583 She's 18. 90 00:03:17,651 --> 00:03:19,652 Her taste in men is still being established. 91 00:03:19,719 --> 00:03:22,688 Creepier and creepier dudes will start thinking of her 92 00:03:22,756 --> 00:03:25,424 as an option, and it all starts with Vaughn. 93 00:03:25,492 --> 00:03:26,825 He's a gateway douche bag. 94 00:03:26,893 --> 00:03:28,894 - People collide. Things happen. 95 00:03:28,962 --> 00:03:30,162 It can't be controlled, right? 96 00:03:30,230 --> 00:03:31,397 - And that can be your toast 97 00:03:31,464 --> 00:03:33,198 at her shotgun wedding to star-burns. 98 00:03:35,235 --> 00:03:37,069 Oh, yeah, turn to your left. 99 00:03:37,137 --> 00:03:38,270 Oh, now turn to your right. 100 00:03:38,338 --> 00:03:40,039 Yes, we can see both of them. 101 00:03:40,106 --> 00:03:42,174 It's like a constellation on your face. 102 00:03:44,244 --> 00:03:45,844 Oh, what's up, dude? Yeah. 103 00:03:45,912 --> 00:03:49,181 - That guy over there, he's a douche bag. 104 00:03:50,817 --> 00:03:52,584 - Hey, guys. - hola. 105 00:03:52,652 --> 00:03:54,053 - Hey, I hope you don't mind. I invited senor Chang. 106 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:55,487 We're Netflix friends. 107 00:03:55,555 --> 00:03:56,722 - Oh, that's cool that you're hanging out, 108 00:03:56,790 --> 00:03:57,856 drinking beers with your students. 109 00:03:57,924 --> 00:03:59,191 - Yeah. 110 00:03:59,259 --> 00:04:01,193 Clearly, none of my other plans fell through. 111 00:04:01,261 --> 00:04:03,295 - Let's get to the movie. 112 00:04:03,363 --> 00:04:04,763 [Stammers] Oh, I'm sorry, Shirley. 113 00:04:04,831 --> 00:04:07,466 I'll wait if you want to serve beverages. 114 00:04:07,534 --> 00:04:09,501 - You gonna be waiting a long-ass time. 115 00:04:12,772 --> 00:04:15,708 - Ooh, FBI warning... I'm so scared. 116 00:04:15,775 --> 00:04:16,775 [Laughter] 117 00:04:16,843 --> 00:04:17,810 - Hey, that's not fair. 118 00:04:17,877 --> 00:04:18,877 I didn't know we started. 119 00:04:18,945 --> 00:04:21,180 - It is the year 2006 AD, 120 00:04:21,247 --> 00:04:23,349 and nuclear war has ravaged the planet. 121 00:04:23,416 --> 00:04:25,751 - I must have missed that. 122 00:04:25,819 --> 00:04:27,052 - Nice. 123 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:28,921 - The wasteland between cities is a free-fire zone 124 00:04:28,989 --> 00:04:31,390 ruled by scavengers, drug dealers, and terrorists. 125 00:04:31,458 --> 00:04:33,292 - Sounds like a Thanksgiving at my house. 126 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,160 [Laughter] - That's pretty crazy. 127 00:04:35,228 --> 00:04:36,195 - He did it, though. 128 00:04:36,262 --> 00:04:38,230 - They just come to me. 129 00:04:38,298 --> 00:04:40,032 - You guys want to buy some mega dope? 130 00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:41,166 It gets you mega High. 131 00:04:41,234 --> 00:04:43,235 - Will it get me through this movie? 132 00:04:43,303 --> 00:04:44,370 [Laughter] 133 00:04:44,437 --> 00:04:45,871 - Shirley, that was good. 134 00:04:45,939 --> 00:04:48,574 - Freeze! Police. 135 00:04:48,641 --> 00:04:50,209 - Freeze police? Don't do that. 136 00:04:50,276 --> 00:04:53,078 They'll get cold. [Laughs] 137 00:04:58,151 --> 00:05:00,152 - You have done so much for our city. 138 00:05:00,220 --> 00:05:03,689 Kickpuncher, is there anything that we can give you? 139 00:05:03,757 --> 00:05:05,357 - Yeah, two hours of my life back. 140 00:05:05,425 --> 00:05:07,693 [Laughter] - Nice. 141 00:05:07,761 --> 00:05:10,062 - Don't call me kickpuncher. 142 00:05:10,130 --> 00:05:12,064 Call me David. 143 00:05:12,132 --> 00:05:15,167 - "Directed by Kim Yang." 144 00:05:15,235 --> 00:05:16,468 Asian... 145 00:05:16,536 --> 00:05:18,470 Can't direct, can't drive. 146 00:05:18,538 --> 00:05:19,605 [Laughs] 147 00:05:19,672 --> 00:05:21,340 - Dude, I'm right here. 148 00:05:22,675 --> 00:05:24,309 - So... 149 00:05:24,377 --> 00:05:27,246 Clearly we're all a bunch of funny people. 150 00:05:27,313 --> 00:05:28,714 When are we doing this again? 151 00:05:28,782 --> 00:05:31,483 - Well, actually, tomorrow we were all gonna get together. 152 00:05:31,551 --> 00:05:35,120 [Overlapping statements] 153 00:05:35,188 --> 00:05:36,422 Tomorrow night we're all gonna get together 154 00:05:36,489 --> 00:05:38,924 to watch kickpuncher 2: Codename Punchkicker. 155 00:05:38,992 --> 00:05:40,492 - Well, I was just warming up tonight. 156 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:42,394 Tomorrow you better foam the runways, 157 00:05:42,462 --> 00:05:43,595 'cause I'm bringing my "a" game. 158 00:05:43,663 --> 00:05:45,531 - Awesome. 159 00:05:45,598 --> 00:05:49,535 [Annie giggling] 160 00:05:49,602 --> 00:05:51,837 - [Laughs] 161 00:05:51,905 --> 00:05:54,640 Oh, my God. 162 00:05:54,707 --> 00:05:56,575 He's got her in some kind of hippie collar. 163 00:05:56,643 --> 00:06:00,312 I can hear her armpit hair growing from here. 164 00:06:00,380 --> 00:06:02,181 We got to do something. 165 00:06:02,248 --> 00:06:04,883 - Okay, even if I agreed with you, what are we gonna do? 166 00:06:04,951 --> 00:06:06,318 - That's nice. 167 00:06:06,386 --> 00:06:07,920 - Well, I know if we say we disapprove, 168 00:06:07,987 --> 00:06:10,289 we'll just drive her further into his hemp-braceleted arms. 169 00:06:10,356 --> 00:06:12,257 We need to be smart. We need to hatch a scheme. 170 00:06:12,325 --> 00:06:14,293 - Mm, hatching schemes is not really my wheelhouse. 171 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,261 - Let's not confine ourselves to your wheelhouse. 172 00:06:16,329 --> 00:06:18,063 This problem won't respond to tap dancing 173 00:06:18,131 --> 00:06:20,265 or casual revelations that you spent time in new York. 174 00:06:20,333 --> 00:06:21,733 - Okay, if you're gonna get all upper East side 175 00:06:21,801 --> 00:06:22,734 about this, I think we're done. 176 00:06:22,802 --> 00:06:24,837 - Hey, winger, check out Annie. 177 00:06:24,904 --> 00:06:29,074 Somebody just went to the top of my "to do" list. 178 00:06:29,142 --> 00:06:30,742 - [Groans] 179 00:06:30,810 --> 00:06:32,111 - Okay, we need to hatch a scheme. 180 00:06:32,178 --> 00:06:33,445 - Thank you. 181 00:06:36,441 --> 00:06:37,974 - It's all very simple. 182 00:06:38,042 --> 00:06:40,243 In Annie's world, long before Vaughn, 183 00:06:40,311 --> 00:06:41,812 she only had eyes for Troy. 184 00:06:41,879 --> 00:06:44,381 - So if Troy becomes a real option, 185 00:06:44,449 --> 00:06:46,316 Annie will drop Vaughn in a hippie's heartbeat. 186 00:06:46,384 --> 00:06:48,452 - Crash course in manipulation... 187 00:06:48,519 --> 00:06:51,488 you don't actually tell the person what you want them to do. 188 00:06:51,556 --> 00:06:54,024 You help them realize they want to do it 189 00:06:54,092 --> 00:06:57,394 so it can't be traced back to you. 190 00:07:02,066 --> 00:07:04,234 - Chemistry... sexy. 191 00:07:04,302 --> 00:07:06,002 You know what else is sexy? 192 00:07:06,070 --> 00:07:08,138 Annie. 193 00:07:08,206 --> 00:07:09,906 - [Scoffs] I know chemistry is sexy. 194 00:07:09,974 --> 00:07:10,974 But Annie? I don't see it. 195 00:07:11,042 --> 00:07:13,076 - Well, every other guy on campus does. 196 00:07:13,144 --> 00:07:15,011 - You really don't see how pretty Annie is? 197 00:07:15,079 --> 00:07:17,013 - Maybe it's 'cause I knew her back in High school, 198 00:07:17,081 --> 00:07:18,281 before she dropped out. 199 00:07:18,349 --> 00:07:20,851 She had braces and acne and a pill addiction 200 00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:22,352 and a nervous breakdown ending with her running 201 00:07:22,420 --> 00:07:25,589 through a plate-glass door, screaming, "everyone's a robot!" 202 00:07:25,656 --> 00:07:27,924 - I see what's happening here. 203 00:07:27,992 --> 00:07:29,659 Troy, I want you to clear your head. 204 00:07:29,727 --> 00:07:31,595 - Done. - I'm gonna describe to you 205 00:07:31,662 --> 00:07:34,097 a complete stranger who happens to be 206 00:07:34,165 --> 00:07:35,832 in our study group. 207 00:07:35,900 --> 00:07:37,968 Would you excuse us for a moment? 208 00:07:42,006 --> 00:07:44,107 - Annie? 209 00:07:44,175 --> 00:07:45,776 No kidding. 210 00:07:45,843 --> 00:07:48,678 Come on, you got to be exaggerating. 211 00:07:48,746 --> 00:07:50,313 Oh, man. 212 00:07:50,381 --> 00:07:53,483 - [Clears throat] - And she's Jewish? 213 00:07:53,551 --> 00:07:55,952 I can't believe I didn't see that. 214 00:07:56,020 --> 00:07:58,288 Well, I guess she deserves another shot. 215 00:07:58,356 --> 00:07:59,890 Oh, wait, never mind. It's too late. 216 00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:01,124 I Heard she's hooking up with Vaughn. 217 00:08:01,192 --> 00:08:03,126 - Only to make you jealous. Both: What? 218 00:08:03,194 --> 00:08:04,728 - She's helplessly in love with you. 219 00:08:04,796 --> 00:08:06,496 She's only with Vaughn to get your attention. 220 00:08:06,564 --> 00:08:08,965 And you have to give it to her now, right, Jeff? 221 00:08:09,033 --> 00:08:10,567 - Sure. 222 00:08:10,635 --> 00:08:12,335 But the point is, 223 00:08:12,403 --> 00:08:14,971 we're not telling you what to do. 224 00:08:15,039 --> 00:08:17,874 - Oh, yeah, you didn't hear it from us. 225 00:08:27,618 --> 00:08:29,453 - I have the weirdest boner. 226 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,855 - I saw you die. 227 00:08:31,923 --> 00:08:33,790 How can you be alive? 228 00:08:33,858 --> 00:08:37,394 - I guess it's just a bad day for drug-dealing terrorists 229 00:08:37,462 --> 00:08:41,231 and a good day for... Kickpuncher. 230 00:08:41,299 --> 00:08:43,667 - All right, guys, you hear that pause 231 00:08:43,734 --> 00:08:44,935 right after he says, "and a good day"? 232 00:08:45,002 --> 00:08:46,169 What do you got for me there? 233 00:08:46,237 --> 00:08:47,537 - And a good day for a nutritious breakfast. 234 00:08:47,605 --> 00:08:49,973 - I don't get it. 235 00:08:50,041 --> 00:08:53,076 - It's a good day for a terrible movie. 236 00:08:54,445 --> 00:08:56,079 - A good day for hair products. 237 00:08:56,147 --> 00:08:59,549 - Oh, buzz, how many times can you keep going to that well? 238 00:08:59,617 --> 00:09:00,784 Come on, guys. 239 00:09:00,852 --> 00:09:02,385 I'm starting to wonder if you even deserve 240 00:09:02,453 --> 00:09:04,488 to call yourselves a community college sketch comedy troupe. 241 00:09:04,555 --> 00:09:06,256 I told you, on movie night, 242 00:09:06,324 --> 00:09:08,558 I need to blow these punks out of the water. 243 00:09:08,626 --> 00:09:10,560 I need Phyllis Diller-grade stuff. 244 00:09:10,628 --> 00:09:12,696 - Wouldn't you rather just watch a movie 245 00:09:12,763 --> 00:09:14,264 with your friends and have a good time? 246 00:09:14,332 --> 00:09:16,833 - What are you, my third wife's therapist? 247 00:09:16,901 --> 00:09:18,502 - What if he said, "it's a good day for..." 248 00:09:18,569 --> 00:09:20,403 And you said, "for being gay"? 249 00:09:22,273 --> 00:09:25,275 - [Laughing] 250 00:09:27,011 --> 00:09:28,011 You're a genius. 251 00:09:28,079 --> 00:09:30,280 - He likes gay jokes. 252 00:09:30,348 --> 00:09:32,849 - What? - I said we write great jokes. 253 00:09:32,917 --> 00:09:34,417 - Don't flatter yourselves. 254 00:09:38,484 --> 00:09:40,485 - Whoa. 255 00:09:46,725 --> 00:09:48,693 Hey... 256 00:09:48,761 --> 00:09:49,694 Annie. 257 00:09:49,762 --> 00:09:52,463 It's me, Troy. 258 00:09:52,531 --> 00:09:54,132 - Oh, I don't know where abed is. 259 00:09:54,199 --> 00:09:55,433 I could try calling him if you want. 260 00:09:55,501 --> 00:10:00,104 - Nah, I'm not looking for my other half. 261 00:10:00,277 --> 00:10:02,545 I'm looking for you, girl. 262 00:10:02,613 --> 00:10:04,547 - Oh. 263 00:10:04,615 --> 00:10:05,781 - Yeah. 264 00:10:05,849 --> 00:10:08,751 Let that sink in for a second. 265 00:10:12,155 --> 00:10:15,391 You know, I never noticed how... 266 00:10:15,459 --> 00:10:16,592 Beautiful you are. 267 00:10:16,660 --> 00:10:18,261 - Troy, you're being weird. 268 00:10:18,328 --> 00:10:19,262 - Sorry it took me so long. 269 00:10:19,329 --> 00:10:21,230 They made me find a shirt. 270 00:10:21,298 --> 00:10:23,065 - Vaughn, you remember Troy. 271 00:10:23,133 --> 00:10:24,567 Um, we went to High school together, 272 00:10:24,635 --> 00:10:25,801 and he's in my study group. 273 00:10:25,869 --> 00:10:27,303 - Hey, what's up, man? Hi, bro. 274 00:10:27,371 --> 00:10:30,039 - [Laughs] I'm not your bro... 275 00:10:30,107 --> 00:10:31,107 Bro. 276 00:10:31,174 --> 00:10:33,609 - Oh, actually, everyone is my bro 277 00:10:33,677 --> 00:10:34,810 in the whole entire universe, 278 00:10:34,878 --> 00:10:36,779 you know, because everything's connected... 279 00:10:36,847 --> 00:10:39,582 rocks, eagles, hats. 280 00:10:39,650 --> 00:10:41,851 - Yeah, well some things are more connected than others, 281 00:10:41,919 --> 00:10:45,087 like tarantulas and me peeing my pants... 282 00:10:45,155 --> 00:10:47,056 Or me and Annie. - What? Wait. 283 00:10:47,124 --> 00:10:49,258 Troy, what? - Tell him. 284 00:10:49,326 --> 00:10:51,093 Tell him that you've been in love with me since High school. 285 00:10:51,161 --> 00:10:53,129 - What? 286 00:10:53,196 --> 00:10:54,697 Wait a minute. Is that true, mountain flower? 287 00:10:54,765 --> 00:10:56,766 - No. 288 00:10:56,833 --> 00:10:58,701 I mean... 289 00:10:58,769 --> 00:11:00,469 I never want to lie to you, 290 00:11:00,537 --> 00:11:02,705 so I will tell you I did have feelings for him, 291 00:11:02,773 --> 00:11:04,273 but it's over, I swear. 292 00:11:04,341 --> 00:11:06,075 - You're swearing? 293 00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:07,877 Like Britta swore that she didn't like Jeff 294 00:11:07,945 --> 00:11:09,145 and then gave him a copy of my poem 295 00:11:09,212 --> 00:11:11,781 so he could laugh at me with that Sherri Shepherd Lady? 296 00:11:11,848 --> 00:11:14,517 Oh, it's happening again. 297 00:11:14,585 --> 00:11:16,819 Your study group is evil. 298 00:11:16,887 --> 00:11:19,255 And you don't deserve ice cream. 299 00:11:19,323 --> 00:11:22,758 - [Gasps] 300 00:11:22,826 --> 00:11:26,095 - [Inhales sharply] 301 00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:28,497 Well, he's a baby. 302 00:11:28,565 --> 00:11:29,632 Now, where were we? 303 00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:32,435 - I like him. Why would you do that? 304 00:11:32,502 --> 00:11:33,703 - Come on. 305 00:11:33,770 --> 00:11:36,405 Everybody knows you want a cut of the t-bone steak. 306 00:11:36,473 --> 00:11:38,474 Jeff and Britta told me how you feel. 307 00:11:38,542 --> 00:11:41,811 - Wait, Jeff and Britta did what, now? 308 00:11:41,878 --> 00:11:44,113 - Oh, you're even hotter when you're angry. 309 00:11:44,181 --> 00:11:46,983 Let's do this. 310 00:11:47,050 --> 00:11:49,018 Red shoe diaries... 311 00:11:49,086 --> 00:11:51,821 I think you know I have a thing for butt stuff. 312 00:11:51,888 --> 00:11:56,025 - To Annie's inevitable breakup with Grodie j. McConaughey. 313 00:11:56,093 --> 00:11:57,860 - And to her and Troy. 314 00:11:57,928 --> 00:12:00,396 We did the right thing. They belong together. 315 00:12:00,464 --> 00:12:05,001 Plus, their babies will be so cute. 316 00:12:05,068 --> 00:12:06,569 - Why would you say that? - Come on. 317 00:12:06,637 --> 00:12:08,137 You know that babies are extra cute 318 00:12:08,205 --> 00:12:10,940 when their parents are... 319 00:12:11,008 --> 00:12:12,508 - Both cute? 320 00:12:14,945 --> 00:12:17,013 - Do you want kids? - We'll see. 321 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,248 Put on something nice, and find me after lunch. 322 00:12:21,518 --> 00:12:24,053 - Hey, guys, thanks for getting involved in my love life. 323 00:12:24,121 --> 00:12:25,655 That was super cool and mature of you. 324 00:12:25,722 --> 00:12:27,223 Oh, and since you're both clearly idiots, 325 00:12:27,290 --> 00:12:30,426 I should probably let you know that I'm being sarcastic. 326 00:12:31,962 --> 00:12:34,063 - Hey, guys, thanks for taking ugly Annie 327 00:12:34,131 --> 00:12:35,197 out of the palm of my hand 328 00:12:35,265 --> 00:12:37,066 and turning her into yet another hottie 329 00:12:37,134 --> 00:12:39,368 that will never get with me! 330 00:12:40,871 --> 00:12:43,839 - Hey, guys, thanks for eating all the macaroni! 331 00:12:43,907 --> 00:12:45,141 - Shut up, Leonard. 332 00:12:45,208 --> 00:12:48,010 Nobody even knows what you're talking about. 333 00:12:48,078 --> 00:12:50,112 I did eat all the macaroni. 334 00:12:50,180 --> 00:12:51,914 It's messed up that he knows. 335 00:12:54,921 --> 00:12:56,788 - let's light this candle. 336 00:12:56,856 --> 00:12:58,557 Who's ready for some kickpunching? 337 00:12:58,625 --> 00:13:00,459 - Actually, we decided to watch runaway instead. 338 00:13:00,527 --> 00:13:02,160 Tom selleck fights mechanical spiders. 339 00:13:02,228 --> 00:13:04,263 - What? No, no, you can't do that. 340 00:13:04,330 --> 00:13:07,032 We just watched kickpuncher. We have to see kickpuncher 2. 341 00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:08,367 I have so many unanswered questions. 342 00:13:08,434 --> 00:13:10,302 - No, I want to watch tom Selleck 343 00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:11,904 fight mechanical spiders. 344 00:13:11,971 --> 00:13:13,105 - Yes. - Me too. 345 00:13:13,172 --> 00:13:15,507 - My brother died on the set of that movie. 346 00:13:18,611 --> 00:13:22,014 One of the mechanical spiders just went haywire 347 00:13:22,081 --> 00:13:23,448 and tore him to pieces. 348 00:13:23,516 --> 00:13:25,884 Tom Selleck just stood there. 349 00:13:25,952 --> 00:13:28,554 He just stood there and... and watched him die. 350 00:13:28,621 --> 00:13:31,390 - Okay, then let... let's watch kickpuncher 2, then. 351 00:13:31,457 --> 00:13:33,358 - Yeah. Okay. - I'm sorry for your loss, man. 352 00:13:33,426 --> 00:13:35,360 - I'm sorry, Pierce. - Yeah, that's messed up, dude. 353 00:13:35,428 --> 00:13:37,162 [Music swells on television] 354 00:13:37,230 --> 00:13:38,564 - kiCkpuncher 2. 355 00:13:38,631 --> 00:13:40,933 - My punches were only as strong as my punches, 356 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,435 and then things changed. 357 00:13:43,503 --> 00:13:46,104 - Change? Time to change the channel. 358 00:13:46,172 --> 00:13:47,606 This guy's gonna be begging for change, 359 00:13:47,674 --> 00:13:49,875 he keeps making movies this bad. 360 00:13:49,943 --> 00:13:51,109 They should change this movie to something good. 361 00:13:51,177 --> 00:13:52,744 I wish this crap-apillar 362 00:13:52,812 --> 00:13:54,780 would change into a butterfly and fly away. 363 00:13:54,847 --> 00:13:56,548 That's change we can believe in. 364 00:13:56,616 --> 00:13:58,850 - Okay, obviously something strange is happening here. 365 00:13:58,918 --> 00:13:59,985 - What do you mean? 366 00:14:00,053 --> 00:14:01,253 I'm making jokes during the movie. 367 00:14:01,321 --> 00:14:02,888 - Yeah, but you're doing it with the speed 368 00:14:02,956 --> 00:14:05,457 and the determination of the incomparable Robin Williams. 369 00:14:05,525 --> 00:14:07,359 - Yeah. - Maybe I'm just that brilliant. 370 00:14:07,427 --> 00:14:09,828 - I think you came prepared. 371 00:14:09,896 --> 00:14:12,431 - Dude, even I know you're lame, 372 00:14:12,498 --> 00:14:15,233 and I'm a tenured professor sitting in a beanbag chair. 373 00:14:15,301 --> 00:14:16,368 - You're not a professor. 374 00:14:16,436 --> 00:14:17,536 - Shut up, man. 375 00:14:17,604 --> 00:14:20,572 - Fine! You got me. 376 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:23,542 I did a little advance work. Pathetic? 377 00:14:23,610 --> 00:14:25,010 No, I'll tell you what's pathetic... 378 00:14:25,078 --> 00:14:27,346 you all sitting there making fun of other people's work. 379 00:14:27,413 --> 00:14:28,647 You don't feel good about yourselves, 380 00:14:28,715 --> 00:14:30,449 so you have to tear down everything around you. 381 00:14:30,516 --> 00:14:32,384 What's the matter? Mama Chang didn't breast-feed? 382 00:14:32,452 --> 00:14:34,753 - She read in a book that it wouldn't make a difference. 383 00:14:34,821 --> 00:14:36,054 - You all sicken me! 384 00:14:36,122 --> 00:14:37,456 And I will no longer participate 385 00:14:37,523 --> 00:14:39,291 in your destructive, negative behavior. 386 00:14:39,359 --> 00:14:41,059 - Pierce, that was deep 387 00:14:41,127 --> 00:14:42,594 and total BS 388 00:14:42,662 --> 00:14:43,929 - Yeah, this isn't about us. 389 00:14:43,997 --> 00:14:45,831 This is just a deflection because you can't get 390 00:14:45,898 --> 00:14:46,898 a genuine laugh. - Mm-hmm. 391 00:14:46,966 --> 00:14:48,667 - That in itself is a laugh. 392 00:14:48,735 --> 00:14:49,901 I know I'm funny. 393 00:14:49,969 --> 00:14:52,537 I don't need any of you people to validate me. 394 00:14:52,605 --> 00:14:53,639 - Mm. - Mm. 395 00:14:53,706 --> 00:14:56,475 - Oh! Oh! 396 00:14:58,011 --> 00:15:00,779 [Crash] [Laughter] 397 00:15:03,316 --> 00:15:05,384 - Biggest laugh of the night. 398 00:15:05,451 --> 00:15:07,786 [Laughter] 399 00:15:07,854 --> 00:15:10,489 Then I was gonna say, "it's a good day to be gay." 400 00:15:10,556 --> 00:15:12,491 [Troy laughs] 401 00:15:12,558 --> 00:15:13,959 - Annie... 402 00:15:14,027 --> 00:15:15,093 We're sorry. 403 00:15:15,161 --> 00:15:16,561 We were worried about your well-being. 404 00:15:16,629 --> 00:15:19,231 - I guess we feel like we're sort of all a family, 405 00:15:19,298 --> 00:15:22,901 and Jeff and I are like your Greendale parents. 406 00:15:22,969 --> 00:15:24,369 - You're not my mom, Britta. 407 00:15:24,437 --> 00:15:26,071 She would never wear boots that go up that High. 408 00:15:26,139 --> 00:15:29,307 And what about respecting me as an adult and as a friend? 409 00:15:29,375 --> 00:15:32,811 - Oh, you want to be treated as an adult and a friend? 410 00:15:32,879 --> 00:15:34,780 Try not dating your friend's ex-boyfriend. 411 00:15:34,847 --> 00:15:36,114 Find your own man. - Oh, my. 412 00:15:36,182 --> 00:15:37,115 - Oh, boy. 413 00:15:37,183 --> 00:15:39,317 - But you don't like Vaughn. 414 00:15:39,385 --> 00:15:41,453 - No, I don't, but I also don't like seeing him 415 00:15:41,521 --> 00:15:42,954 with anyone else. Ta-da! 416 00:15:43,022 --> 00:15:45,357 - I asked you if you cared, and you said no. 417 00:15:45,425 --> 00:15:47,225 - Fine. I cared. I'm a girlie-girl. 418 00:15:47,293 --> 00:15:49,461 I like boys, and I don't like it when they're mean to me, 419 00:15:49,529 --> 00:15:50,996 and I don't like it when they stop kissing me 420 00:15:51,064 --> 00:15:52,497 and start kissing my friends. 421 00:15:52,565 --> 00:15:55,934 I'm not that cool. I'm not Juno, okay, homeslice? 422 00:15:56,002 --> 00:15:57,903 - This is what it was about for you? 423 00:15:57,970 --> 00:15:58,970 You were jealous? 424 00:15:59,038 --> 00:16:00,405 - Oh, please, you can't tell me 425 00:16:00,473 --> 00:16:02,908 that you weren't jealous that Vaughn had his hippie hands 426 00:16:02,975 --> 00:16:05,310 all over your debate/make-out partner. 427 00:16:05,378 --> 00:16:06,712 - What are you insinuating? 428 00:16:06,779 --> 00:16:08,146 I took that kiss for the team. 429 00:16:08,214 --> 00:16:10,148 - What? 430 00:16:10,216 --> 00:16:12,517 Yeah, that kiss wasn't for pleasure. 431 00:16:12,585 --> 00:16:14,986 It was strategic and joyless. - What? 432 00:16:15,054 --> 00:16:16,321 Yeah. 433 00:16:16,389 --> 00:16:17,823 - You did get weirdly specific 434 00:16:17,890 --> 00:16:19,858 when you were describing Annie's body. 435 00:16:21,494 --> 00:16:23,695 - More specific than the stuff you told me about Britta? 436 00:16:23,763 --> 00:16:25,263 Both: What? 437 00:16:25,331 --> 00:16:26,998 - Does anyone get specific about me? 438 00:16:27,066 --> 00:16:28,366 - Check your email. 439 00:16:28,434 --> 00:16:29,534 - I'll mark you as spam. 440 00:16:29,602 --> 00:16:30,736 - Who the hell is Pam? 441 00:16:30,803 --> 00:16:31,770 - When you guys first came in, 442 00:16:31,838 --> 00:16:32,838 we were as wholesome and healthy 443 00:16:32,905 --> 00:16:34,139 as the family in the Brady bunch. 444 00:16:34,207 --> 00:16:36,108 And now we're as dysfunctional and incestuous 445 00:16:36,175 --> 00:16:37,476 as the cast of the Brady bunch. 446 00:16:37,543 --> 00:16:39,678 - I agree with abed. This is getting creepy. 447 00:16:39,746 --> 00:16:41,847 - No more creepy than when Jeff wears tight jeans 448 00:16:41,914 --> 00:16:43,348 and you say, "I'd like to slap 449 00:16:43,416 --> 00:16:45,250 those buns on the grill." both: What? 450 00:16:45,318 --> 00:16:46,318 - First of all, I don't talk like that, 451 00:16:46,385 --> 00:16:47,452 and second of all, where I'm from, 452 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:48,754 it's perfectly normal for women 453 00:16:48,821 --> 00:16:50,188 to talk about their male friends' backsides. 454 00:16:50,256 --> 00:16:51,623 And you don't see me saying anything crazy 455 00:16:51,691 --> 00:16:53,225 about abed and Troy's weird little relationship. 456 00:16:53,292 --> 00:16:54,659 Both: They're just jealous. 457 00:16:54,727 --> 00:16:56,661 - All right, all right, maybe we're not a family. 458 00:16:56,729 --> 00:17:01,099 Maybe it's more complicated, because unlike a real family, 459 00:17:01,167 --> 00:17:02,801 there's nothing to stop any one of us 460 00:17:02,869 --> 00:17:04,536 from looking at any of the others 461 00:17:04,604 --> 00:17:07,706 as a sexual prospect. 462 00:17:20,586 --> 00:17:22,320 - [Gasps] 463 00:17:36,302 --> 00:17:38,603 - Why are we even talking about this? 464 00:17:38,671 --> 00:17:41,306 - Because you started having sex with Britta's ex-boyfriend. 465 00:17:41,374 --> 00:17:43,041 - What? We haven't even kissed. 466 00:17:43,109 --> 00:17:45,076 - That doesn't mean you're not having sex. 467 00:17:45,144 --> 00:17:46,711 - Vaughn told me he would take things 468 00:17:46,779 --> 00:17:47,946 as slowly as I wanted. 469 00:17:48,014 --> 00:17:50,749 He likes me for who I am, and I like him. 470 00:17:50,817 --> 00:17:52,918 [Distant singing and guitar playing] 471 00:17:52,985 --> 00:17:54,486 - Do you guys hear that? 472 00:17:54,554 --> 00:17:57,088 [Singing and guitar playing continues] 473 00:17:57,156 --> 00:17:58,756 ♪ ♪ 474 00:18:05,031 --> 00:18:07,766 - Annie. - Vaughn. 475 00:18:07,834 --> 00:18:08,967 - Britta. 476 00:18:09,035 --> 00:18:11,336 - Hi. - Old man river. 477 00:18:11,404 --> 00:18:12,404 - Eat me. 478 00:18:12,471 --> 00:18:13,839 - Did you get my messages? 479 00:18:13,906 --> 00:18:15,440 - No. 480 00:18:15,508 --> 00:18:17,843 I threw my phone into the river. 481 00:18:17,910 --> 00:18:19,411 I thought that, you know, if I can't be with her, 482 00:18:19,478 --> 00:18:21,246 who am I gonna call? 483 00:18:21,314 --> 00:18:22,414 And then I thought, you know, 484 00:18:22,481 --> 00:18:24,082 well, my landlord, my sister, 485 00:18:24,150 --> 00:18:26,117 and... 486 00:18:26,185 --> 00:18:27,786 You. 487 00:18:27,854 --> 00:18:29,487 Anyway, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching, 488 00:18:29,555 --> 00:18:32,123 and, uh, this is something I really need to say. 489 00:18:33,226 --> 00:18:35,026 ♪ ♪ 490 00:18:35,094 --> 00:18:37,162 ♪ I see you when you smile ♪ 491 00:18:37,230 --> 00:18:39,397 ♪ and I want to sing a song ♪ 492 00:18:39,465 --> 00:18:41,299 ♪ but then I write the words ♪ 493 00:18:41,367 --> 00:18:44,469 ♪ and they always come out wrong ♪ 494 00:18:44,537 --> 00:18:47,806 ♪ they come out wrong ♪ 495 00:18:47,874 --> 00:18:50,175 ♪ I feel it in my fingers ♪ 496 00:18:50,243 --> 00:18:52,177 ♪ I feel it in my toes ♪ 497 00:18:52,245 --> 00:18:54,346 ♪ but then the words get frozen ♪ 498 00:18:54,413 --> 00:18:56,982 ♪ in my mouth like Eskimos ♪ 499 00:18:57,049 --> 00:19:00,318 ♪ I like your nose ♪ 500 00:19:00,386 --> 00:19:04,389 ♪ ooh ooh ooh ♪ 501 00:19:04,457 --> 00:19:07,826 ♪ ooh ♪ 502 00:19:07,894 --> 00:19:10,962 ♪ Annie ♪ 503 00:19:11,030 --> 00:19:12,797 ♪ ooh ooh ooh ♪ 504 00:19:12,865 --> 00:19:16,301 ♪ ooh ♪ 505 00:19:16,369 --> 00:19:19,204 ♪ Annie's song ♪ 506 00:19:22,942 --> 00:19:24,576 - his songs are dumber than he is. 507 00:19:24,644 --> 00:19:26,511 - Yeah, but they're honest. 508 00:19:30,516 --> 00:19:31,549 - Okay. 509 00:19:31,617 --> 00:19:33,218 [Giggles] 510 00:19:33,286 --> 00:19:36,021 Vaughn wants to show me a cloud that looks like a Pumpkin... 511 00:19:37,223 --> 00:19:40,225 If that's okay. 512 00:19:40,293 --> 00:19:41,826 - Annie, it's more than okay. 513 00:19:41,894 --> 00:19:43,895 Please date Vaughn. 514 00:19:43,963 --> 00:19:46,531 - Or anyone else outside this creepy circle. 515 00:19:46,599 --> 00:19:48,300 - I wouldn't hang out with you guys 516 00:19:48,367 --> 00:19:49,834 if you were creepy. 517 00:19:49,902 --> 00:19:51,403 Trust me. 518 00:19:51,470 --> 00:19:54,339 I have good taste. 519 00:20:00,012 --> 00:20:01,746 - So just to be clear, I don't have a shot 520 00:20:01,814 --> 00:20:03,648 with any of you? 521 00:20:21,623 --> 00:20:23,090 - [robotic voice] I am kickpuncher. 522 00:20:23,158 --> 00:20:25,793 My cyber punch have the power of kicks. 523 00:20:25,861 --> 00:20:27,061 [Imitates robot noises] 524 00:20:27,129 --> 00:20:28,295 [Kick/punch sound effect] - Agh! 525 00:20:28,363 --> 00:20:29,296 Aha. Oh! 526 00:20:29,364 --> 00:20:30,464 Oh! 527 00:20:30,532 --> 00:20:33,467 [Chuckles] 528 00:20:33,535 --> 00:20:34,769 [Both groan] 529 00:20:34,836 --> 00:20:36,037 I am Punchkicker. 530 00:20:36,104 --> 00:20:37,738 Meet your match. 531 00:20:37,806 --> 00:20:40,975 [Thud, warbling] 532 00:20:43,712 --> 00:20:45,446 [Electricity crackling] 533 00:20:49,785 --> 00:20:51,986 [Moans] 534 00:20:52,054 --> 00:20:55,956 I love you, kickpuncher. 535 00:20:56,436 --> 00:20:59,071 - The only thing beyond the reach of my fists 536 00:20:59,139 --> 00:21:02,374 is humanity. 537 00:21:02,981 --> 00:21:05,082 [Normal voice] You're sure Britta couldn't do your part? 538 00:21:05,091 --> 00:21:07,492 - I asked her. She wasn't available. 539 00:21:07,577 --> 00:21:11,447 Let's go film the sex scene.