1
00:00:01,020 --> 00:00:02,687
Man over p.A.: It's valentine's week,

2
00:00:02,755 --> 00:00:06,941
When the greendale human
being is the cupid being,

3
00:00:07,026 --> 00:00:10,261
Delivering your gift to
that special someone.

4
00:00:10,312 --> 00:00:13,865
But remember, cupid's face
is magic marker on nylon,

5
00:00:13,932 --> 00:00:15,633
So love is not only blind

6
00:00:15,701 --> 00:00:18,203
But also dizzy and a little belligerent.

7
00:00:18,270 --> 00:00:20,789
I'm chaperoning tomorrow's dance.

8
00:00:20,873 --> 00:00:22,323
You should come.

9
00:00:22,408 --> 00:00:23,875
Maybe your study buds'll go.

10
00:00:23,942 --> 00:00:25,577
What's the blonde's name,
bitter, butter--beetlejuice?

11
00:00:25,644 --> 00:00:26,795
Oh, britta. Yeah.

12
00:00:26,879 --> 00:00:29,130
She says valentine's day
ritualizes a connection

13
00:00:29,215 --> 00:00:30,715
Between affection and candy

14
00:00:30,783 --> 00:00:33,051
So girls can learn the
ropes of prostitution.

15
00:00:33,118 --> 00:00:34,219
No date.

16
00:00:34,286 --> 00:00:36,337
I'm gonna join you at that dance.

17
00:00:36,422 --> 00:00:38,139
But as a novice boyfriend,

18
00:00:38,224 --> 00:00:39,507
Could I get a map of the minefield

19
00:00:39,592 --> 00:00:42,010
Known as women's valentine expectations?

20
00:00:42,094 --> 00:00:43,228
Every day of the year,

21
00:00:43,295 --> 00:00:45,313
I want you to do what makes you happy.

22
00:00:45,397 --> 00:00:47,799
Tomorrow I'm gonna be
happy spending the night

23
00:00:47,850 --> 00:00:49,467
With an insatiable statistics professor.

24
00:00:55,241 --> 00:00:57,025
Jeff, it's the registrar's office.

25
00:00:57,109 --> 00:00:58,777
Seems you were wrong about paying tuition

26
00:00:58,828 --> 00:01:00,528
With airline miles.

27
00:01:00,613 --> 00:01:02,980
We're gonna need a check-
-female voice: Message deleted.

28
00:01:03,032 --> 00:01:04,332
Britta, drunkenly: - Jeff winger.

29
00:01:04,416 --> 00:01:09,871
I am calling you.

30
00:01:09,955 --> 00:01:13,041
You're probably--whatever.

31
00:01:13,125 --> 00:01:15,877
so wassup?

32
00:01:15,961 --> 00:01:17,879
Oh, it's the cupid being.

33
00:01:17,963 --> 00:01:19,163
Oh, ooh!

34
00:01:19,215 --> 00:01:21,766
Oh, now it has arrows. That's safe.

35
00:01:21,834 --> 00:01:23,852
Oh, it's from the cook with the long beard

36
00:01:23,936 --> 00:01:25,169
In the cafeteria.

37
00:01:25,221 --> 00:01:26,504
I guess when he said,

38
00:01:26,555 --> 00:01:28,389
I'm gonna git you,

39
00:01:28,474 --> 00:01:29,724
uh, he meant chocolates.

40
00:01:29,809 --> 00:01:32,710
Oh! A flower from vaughn.

41
00:01:32,778 --> 00:01:35,513
He's away on a vision quest.

42
00:01:35,564 --> 00:01:37,031
You got something, abed?

43
00:01:37,116 --> 00:01:39,284
Another muffin basket from another actress

44
00:01:39,351 --> 00:01:40,451
Who wants to be in my next film.

45
00:01:40,519 --> 00:01:41,753
- Does that work?
- Yep.

46
00:01:41,821 --> 00:01:44,205
Meryl streep has two oscars
because of her baking.

47
00:01:44,290 --> 00:01:46,090
Oh, that's sarcasm, but I forgot to inflect.

48
00:01:46,158 --> 00:01:47,792
This sounds way more like sarcasm.

49
00:01:47,860 --> 00:01:49,894
Inflection is so interesting.

50
00:01:49,962 --> 00:01:51,629
That big bag, uh, at the bottom,

51
00:01:51,697 --> 00:01:53,398
Is that for me?

52
00:01:53,465 --> 00:01:55,366
Anything in there for troy?

53
00:01:55,434 --> 00:01:56,534
Troy barnes?

54
00:01:56,602 --> 00:01:58,586
Barnes, troy?

55
00:01:58,671 --> 00:01:59,921
Barney miller?

56
00:02:00,005 --> 00:02:01,472
Who cares about getting things?

57
00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:04,041
It destroys the true
meaning of valentine's day:

58
00:02:04,093 --> 00:02:05,810
The birth of saint valentines.

59
00:02:05,878 --> 00:02:09,063
Oh, good. Now it has arrows. That's safe.

60
00:02:09,148 --> 00:02:11,232
Sorry I'm late. - That's okay.

61
00:02:11,317 --> 00:02:12,483
Actually, you look very early.

62
00:02:12,551 --> 00:02:13,818
Oh, god, I'm really late.

63
00:02:13,886 --> 00:02:16,271
- Yes, you are.
- Yeah, see you later.

64
00:02:18,858 --> 00:02:20,692
Can I get you something?

65
00:02:20,743 --> 00:02:22,727
Water, smelling salts,

66
00:02:22,778 --> 00:02:24,562
An alibi for cobain's suicide?

67
00:02:24,613 --> 00:02:27,498
No, but you can help yourself
to a shorter forehead,

68
00:02:27,566 --> 00:02:30,335
A non-keebler nose, and shutting up.

69
00:02:30,402 --> 00:02:31,836
Mm, that stings.

70
00:02:31,904 --> 00:02:33,037
I mean, not the words.

71
00:02:33,088 --> 00:02:35,506
The clouds of bourbon vapor forming them.

72
00:02:36,842 --> 00:02:38,910
A girlfriend from my
anarchist days was in town

73
00:02:38,961 --> 00:02:40,411
And we drank.

74
00:02:40,462 --> 00:02:41,579
Everything.

75
00:02:41,630 --> 00:02:42,714
Yeah.

76
00:02:42,765 --> 00:02:45,183
And then you said, "I should call jeff."

77
00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:46,584
Yeah.

78
00:02:46,635 --> 00:02:48,720
'cause the first thing I
do when I'm having fun

79
00:02:48,787 --> 00:02:49,888
Is think about--

80
00:02:49,939 --> 00:02:51,589
jeff winger.

81
00:02:51,657 --> 00:02:55,109
I am calling you. You're probably--

82
00:02:55,194 --> 00:02:56,961
Whatever.

83
00:02:57,029 --> 00:02:59,464
so wassup?

84
00:02:59,531 --> 00:03:00,481
A drunk dial.

85
00:03:00,566 --> 00:03:03,651
So much subtext, so much intrigue.

86
00:03:03,736 --> 00:03:07,322
So much of what the kids are calling b.C.I.

87
00:03:07,406 --> 00:03:10,625
That's, uh, booty call implication.

88
00:03:15,881 --> 00:03:18,499
Oh...

89
00:03:18,584 --> 00:03:19,951
What happened to britta?

90
00:03:20,002 --> 00:03:21,336
Justice.

91
00:03:21,420 --> 00:03:23,838
Having spent the year
denying her attraction to me

92
00:03:23,923 --> 00:03:26,557
Just to be alternative, britta called me.

93
00:03:26,625 --> 00:03:29,227
At 3:00 a.M. Just to ask,

94
00:03:29,294 --> 00:03:30,845
"what's up?"

95
00:03:30,930 --> 00:03:33,064
A drunk dial? Was there b.C.I.?

96
00:03:33,131 --> 00:03:34,832
Booty call with a capital "b."

97
00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:36,935
- This can't be good.
- It's no biggie.

98
00:03:36,986 --> 00:03:38,469
We--we give each other crap all the time.

99
00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:39,854
Well, that's the point.

100
00:03:39,939 --> 00:03:41,990
What crap can she give you now
that you hold all the cards?

101
00:03:42,074 --> 00:03:43,374
You've shifted the balance, like in a sitcom

102
00:03:43,442 --> 00:03:45,610
When one character sees another one naked.

103
00:03:45,661 --> 00:03:47,211
Is that really a sitcom staple?

104
00:03:47,279 --> 00:03:48,980
i>- No, I have no idea
what I'm talking about.

105
00:03:49,031 --> 00:03:50,982
I'm abed, I never watch tv.

106
00:03:51,033 --> 00:03:58,483
Sync by honeybunny

107
00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:01,159
i>- Now we all know that in ingles,

108
00:04:01,226 --> 00:04:05,263
The rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo."

109
00:04:05,331 --> 00:04:08,299
In espanol, the gallo says,

110
00:04:08,350 --> 00:04:11,168
"quiquiriquí, quiquiriquí.

111
00:04:11,220 --> 00:04:14,005
Quiquiriqí, quiquiriqí, quiquiriqí--"

112
00:04:14,056 --> 00:04:17,859
What? I'm teaching.

113
00:04:17,943 --> 00:04:21,813
I'm sorry.

114
00:04:21,864 --> 00:04:23,564
Aha! I knew you were holding back.

115
00:04:23,649 --> 00:04:26,534
Aw! It's from the girl I'm dating.

116
00:04:26,618 --> 00:04:29,203
Yeah, I met her in biology.

117
00:04:29,288 --> 00:04:31,856
She was looking for geology
and misread the sign.

118
00:04:31,907 --> 00:04:34,459
Yeah, I said, "we do not
study countries in here."

119
00:04:34,526 --> 00:04:37,662
Yeah, she's-- she's dumb, but--

120
00:04:37,713 --> 00:04:39,030
But sweet.

121
00:04:39,081 --> 00:04:41,799
Yeah, mine's from danielle. She's a...

122
00:04:41,867 --> 00:04:43,935
A lovely lady in my marketing class.

123
00:04:44,003 --> 00:04:45,803
We're sleeping together.

124
00:04:45,871 --> 00:04:48,372
They sound like very lucky ladies.

125
00:04:48,424 --> 00:04:49,974
Yeah, they're not made up.

126
00:04:50,042 --> 00:04:52,010
Beep, beep. Oh, my god, what's going on?

127
00:04:52,061 --> 00:04:53,144
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

128
00:04:53,211 --> 00:04:55,146
My bullcrap meter's going crazy.

129
00:04:55,213 --> 00:04:56,397
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep--

130
00:04:59,018 --> 00:05:00,485
Oh-ho!

131
00:05:00,552 --> 00:05:02,153
It's these presents you've
obviously sent to yourselves

132
00:05:02,220 --> 00:05:04,055
To make it look like you have girlfriends.

133
00:05:04,123 --> 00:05:06,074
That's ridiculous.

134
00:05:06,158 --> 00:05:10,361
This is obviously your
handwriting, mr. Tremor.

135
00:05:10,412 --> 00:05:11,896
And yours is signed, "love, troy"?

136
00:05:11,947 --> 00:05:14,065
I tell you, this is the most pathetic thing

137
00:05:14,116 --> 00:05:15,333
I've ever seen in the classroom.

138
00:05:17,069 --> 00:05:19,287
oh, my god.

139
00:05:19,371 --> 00:05:21,238
Look at him over there.

140
00:05:21,290 --> 00:05:22,707
Cutting the gristle off his steak

141
00:05:22,758 --> 00:05:25,793
As ruthlessly as he cut off
troy and pierce's dignity.

142
00:05:25,878 --> 00:05:28,629
Ew! Now he's eating the gristle.

143
00:05:28,714 --> 00:05:30,782
I'm so sick of chang.

144
00:05:30,849 --> 00:05:31,983
Always tearing people down,

145
00:05:32,051 --> 00:05:33,584
Making them feel horrible about themselves.

146
00:05:33,635 --> 00:05:36,087
Somebody needs to humiliate him
the way he humiliated our boys.

147
00:05:36,138 --> 00:05:37,522
Hey. Moustache.

148
00:05:37,589 --> 00:05:39,524
Get me a juice box.

149
00:05:39,591 --> 00:05:42,693
Now!

150
00:05:45,531 --> 00:05:46,764
Hey, you can vomit onto this food,

151
00:05:46,815 --> 00:05:47,865
Because it already smells like it.

152
00:05:49,535 --> 00:05:51,986
Yeah. Totally.

153
00:05:53,989 --> 00:05:56,541
My law firm went on a retreat
to disney world once,

154
00:05:56,608 --> 00:05:59,243
And I got so drunk that I got into a fight

155
00:05:59,294 --> 00:06:01,662
With animatronic ben franklin.

156
00:06:01,747 --> 00:06:03,214
Why are you telling me this?

157
00:06:03,281 --> 00:06:05,750
Well, the point is, is that when I'm sober,

158
00:06:05,801 --> 00:06:07,301
I don't secretly hate ben franklin

159
00:06:07,386 --> 00:06:08,503
Or even think about him.

160
00:06:08,587 --> 00:06:10,488
So you drunk dialing me,

161
00:06:10,556 --> 00:06:12,640
I mean, it's not, like, a big deal.

162
00:06:12,724 --> 00:06:13,825
You're pitying me now.

163
00:06:13,892 --> 00:06:15,059
Well, you're acting really weird.

164
00:06:15,127 --> 00:06:16,644
I'll talk to you in class, okay?

165
00:06:16,728 --> 00:06:19,597
Just... Leave me alone until then.

166
00:06:22,351 --> 00:06:26,854
Beep, beep, beep. What is going on here?

167
00:06:26,939 --> 00:06:28,305
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep--

168
00:06:30,075 --> 00:06:31,475
My doody meter's going crazy.

169
00:06:31,527 --> 00:06:33,361
Okay, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.

170
00:06:33,445 --> 00:06:34,662
Okay, leo, I'm not feeling it.

171
00:06:34,746 --> 00:06:35,813
I really need to believe that you're holding

172
00:06:35,864 --> 00:06:37,081
An imaginary doody meter.

173
00:06:37,149 --> 00:06:38,082
The problem is not me.

174
00:06:38,150 --> 00:06:40,151
It's you and your stupid script.

175
00:06:40,202 --> 00:06:41,702
Idiot!

176
00:06:41,787 --> 00:06:43,320
That's the anger. Use it.

177
00:06:43,372 --> 00:06:44,822
Wow.

178
00:06:44,873 --> 00:06:46,424
One papa john's commercial,

179
00:06:46,491 --> 00:06:47,675
And he thinks he's christian bale.

180
00:06:47,759 --> 00:06:49,427
Look, uh, you were right.

181
00:06:49,494 --> 00:06:51,095
Britta is totally weird around me.

182
00:06:51,163 --> 00:06:52,263
It does feel like I saw her naked.

183
00:06:52,330 --> 00:06:53,514
It's a resident premise.

184
00:06:53,599 --> 00:06:54,932
Tony even saw angela naked
on the opening credits

185
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,134
Of who's the boss?

186
00:06:56,185 --> 00:06:57,852
And did tony do something to fix that?

187
00:06:57,936 --> 00:06:59,020
I don't know.

188
00:06:59,104 --> 00:07:00,438
I could never get past the opening credits.

189
00:07:00,505 --> 00:07:02,006
But when chandler saw rachel
naked on friends

190
00:07:02,057 --> 00:07:04,008
To even the score, rachel
needed to see chandler's penis.

191
00:07:04,076 --> 00:07:06,010
All right.

192
00:07:06,061 --> 00:07:07,178
I'll show britta my penis.

193
00:07:07,229 --> 00:07:08,362
Jeff, please don't waste my time.

194
00:07:08,447 --> 00:07:09,614
I lose my chang to cub scouts in 20 minutes.

195
00:07:09,681 --> 00:07:11,782
so, so what?

196
00:07:11,850 --> 00:07:13,851
To even the score, I have to drunk dial her?

197
00:07:13,902 --> 00:07:15,419
Isn't that absurdly simplistic?

198
00:07:15,487 --> 00:07:16,571
Would it even work?

199
00:07:16,655 --> 00:07:18,039
Maybe.

200
00:07:18,123 --> 00:07:19,557
Huh, no room for error.

201
00:07:19,625 --> 00:07:22,026
She'd have to believe it was real.

202
00:07:22,077 --> 00:07:23,461
Have you ever acted drunk before?

203
00:07:23,528 --> 00:07:25,296
I can totally do it.

204
00:07:25,363 --> 00:07:26,631
I'm fine.

205
00:07:26,698 --> 00:07:27,698
I can drive.

206
00:07:27,749 --> 00:07:28,866
I can totally drive right now.

207
00:07:28,917 --> 00:07:30,034
Give me my keys.

208
00:07:30,085 --> 00:07:31,302
That's enough--

209
00:07:31,369 --> 00:07:32,303
- No, hold on a second.
- All right.

210
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:36,390
Guys, seriously, give me my keys.

211
00:07:36,475 --> 00:07:39,227
Okay, that's a wrap, people.

212
00:07:39,311 --> 00:07:41,395
I want you to be at my place at 4:00

213
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:42,563
So we can work on this.

214
00:07:42,648 --> 00:07:44,482
Well, I-- no, I can't do that.

215
00:07:44,549 --> 00:07:45,483
Here's why.

216
00:07:45,550 --> 00:07:47,602
Dumbest idea ever.

217
00:07:47,686 --> 00:07:48,903
Jeff, you know britta's defining weakness.

218
00:07:48,987 --> 00:07:50,221
She cuts and runs.

219
00:07:50,272 --> 00:07:51,822
If you do this half-assed and fail,
she may leave.

220
00:07:51,890 --> 00:07:52,990
Then we all lose her.

221
00:07:53,058 --> 00:07:54,725
That's not gonna happen, not on my watch.

222
00:07:54,776 --> 00:07:56,393
That's a deal breaker. Saddle up.

223
00:07:56,445 --> 00:07:59,063
Sorry I lost my cool. I just quit smoking.

224
00:07:59,114 --> 00:08:00,765
Kid's gonna be a star.

225
00:08:00,832 --> 00:08:02,800
He's a young "the asian
guy" from lost.

226
00:08:05,170 --> 00:08:06,504
An- try it again.Chew.

227
00:08:06,571 --> 00:08:07,905
Come on.

228
00:08:07,956 --> 00:08:11,625
You're a big guy.

229
00:08:11,710 --> 00:08:14,011
Action.

230
00:08:14,078 --> 00:08:16,514
Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

231
00:08:16,581 --> 00:08:18,115
Hey, britta.

232
00:08:18,183 --> 00:08:20,985
Your call got my thinkin' and
thinkin' got me drinkin'.

233
00:08:21,052 --> 00:08:22,470
Stop. That was terrible.

234
00:08:22,554 --> 00:08:24,188
- What?
- Mm-hmm.

235
00:08:24,255 --> 00:08:26,090
You know, I can get drunk alone

236
00:08:26,158 --> 00:08:27,391
If that's what helps people act.

237
00:08:27,442 --> 00:08:28,592
Well, that's your problem, jeff.

238
00:08:28,643 --> 00:08:30,194
You've been acting your whole life, okay?

239
00:08:30,262 --> 00:08:31,695
It's time to pass that act up

240
00:08:31,763 --> 00:08:32,963
And find the actor that's playing you.

241
00:08:33,031 --> 00:08:35,649
Oh, they're gonna love you in california.

242
00:08:38,487 --> 00:08:39,537
Do you like britta?

243
00:08:39,604 --> 00:08:41,172
Sure. Who doesn't?

244
00:08:41,239 --> 00:08:44,041
Over half the people that meet her.

245
00:08:44,108 --> 00:08:46,109
They could be put off by
her vacuous mannequin face.

246
00:08:46,161 --> 00:08:48,496
And her jodie foster severity.

247
00:08:48,580 --> 00:08:49,713
But you're different.

248
00:08:49,781 --> 00:08:52,550
Oh, you know, she's no barrel of monkeys.

249
00:08:52,617 --> 00:08:53,834
She--she wants everyone to be honest,

250
00:08:53,919 --> 00:08:55,135
But she lies to herself.

251
00:08:55,220 --> 00:08:57,505
She's seen the world, but doesn't get it.

252
00:08:57,589 --> 00:08:59,122
She has more fights about
stuff that doesn't matter

253
00:08:59,174 --> 00:09:00,891
Than a youtube comment section.

254
00:09:00,959 --> 00:09:05,128
She's passionate, which I find stupid.

255
00:09:05,180 --> 00:09:06,397
But entertaining.

256
00:09:06,464 --> 00:09:07,481
Attractive.

257
00:09:07,566 --> 00:09:09,233
There was only attraction at first

258
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:10,734
Because she bothered to play hard to get.

259
00:09:10,802 --> 00:09:11,986
- Mm
-hmm.

260
00:09:12,070 --> 00:09:13,070
I'm happy with michelle.

261
00:09:13,137 --> 00:09:14,355
Yeah, slater is low maintenance.

262
00:09:14,439 --> 00:09:16,106
Mm. The lowest.

263
00:09:16,157 --> 00:09:18,075
Britta's irritating,
impossible, unpredictable,

264
00:09:18,142 --> 00:09:20,277
And she didn't like you so
it felt useless to like her.

265
00:09:20,328 --> 00:09:22,312
Slater likes you how you are,
expects nothing from you,

266
00:09:22,364 --> 00:09:24,164
You're safe from change.

267
00:09:24,249 --> 00:09:25,950
And passion.

268
00:09:26,001 --> 00:09:27,785
- Watch it.
- Watch what?

269
00:09:27,836 --> 00:09:29,169
A phony drunk dial soaked in phony pity

270
00:09:29,254 --> 00:09:30,354
That insults britta even more?

271
00:09:30,422 --> 00:09:33,224
Or... A believable performance

272
00:09:33,291 --> 00:09:37,044
Informed by feeling?

273
00:09:37,128 --> 00:09:38,629
You know...

274
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:40,714
I am sure you're a good director,

275
00:09:40,799 --> 00:09:42,216
But you're a horrible drinking buddy.

276
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:44,235
I mean, I can't feel things

277
00:09:44,302 --> 00:09:48,272
With you studying me like
a beige praying mantis.

278
00:09:48,340 --> 00:09:51,058
You're right.

279
00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:56,346
I thought you never drank.

280
00:09:56,398 --> 00:09:58,181
Scorsese drank with de niro.

281
00:10:01,570 --> 00:10:08,876
Â♪ Â♪

282
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,328
Â♪ things are clear in black and white Â♪

283
00:10:11,379 --> 00:10:15,332
Â♪ the living color tends to dull our sight Â♪

284
00:10:15,383 --> 00:10:18,636
Â♪ like dynamite Â♪

285
00:10:18,703 --> 00:10:21,088
Â♪ if we dare expose our hearts Â♪

286
00:10:21,172 --> 00:10:23,223
Â♪ just reveal the purest parts Â♪

287
00:10:23,308 --> 00:10:28,712
Â♪ that's when strange
sensations start to grow Â♪

288
00:10:28,763 --> 00:10:31,065
Â♪ we are not alone Â♪

289
00:10:31,149 --> 00:10:33,434
Â♪ you find out when your cover's blown Â♪

290
00:10:33,518 --> 00:10:38,522
Â♪ there'll be somebody
there to break your fall Â♪

291
00:10:38,573 --> 00:10:40,991
Â♪ we are not alone Â♪

292
00:10:41,059 --> 00:10:43,444
Â♪ 'cause when you cut down to the bone Â♪

293
00:10:43,528 --> 00:10:47,247
Â♪ we're really not so different after all Â♪

294
00:10:47,332 --> 00:10:50,367
Â♪ after all Â♪

295
00:10:50,418 --> 00:10:51,568
Â♪ Â♪

296
00:10:55,957 --> 00:10:58,342
All right, class. Turn to page--whoa.

297
00:10:58,409 --> 00:11:01,078
Looks like the law firm
of seacrest and slumdog's

298
00:11:01,129 --> 00:11:02,513
Taking the day off.

299
00:11:05,550 --> 00:11:06,767
Ooh.

300
00:11:06,851 --> 00:11:09,386
Another special delivery
from troy and pierce's

301
00:11:09,437 --> 00:11:11,355
Imaginary lovers?

302
00:11:13,391 --> 00:11:15,526
Wait a minute.

303
00:11:15,593 --> 00:11:17,928
Oh.

304
00:11:17,979 --> 00:11:19,262
That one's for me.

305
00:11:19,314 --> 00:11:21,098
all righty.

306
00:11:21,149 --> 00:11:26,103
Doggy. Now, ch-ch--

307
00:11:26,154 --> 00:11:28,472
Wow. It's from princeton.

308
00:11:28,540 --> 00:11:31,325
They want to make me associate professor

309
00:11:31,409 --> 00:11:32,493
Of the spanish department?

310
00:11:33,778 --> 00:11:36,080
They're telling me I can name my price?

311
00:11:36,131 --> 00:11:37,447
Oh, my god.

312
00:11:37,499 --> 00:11:39,216
At princeton? Come on!

313
00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:42,970
You two idiots really thought
I'd fall for this, huh?

314
00:11:43,054 --> 00:11:46,890
This is your pathetic attempt to punish me

315
00:11:46,958 --> 00:11:48,142
For humiliating you.

316
00:11:48,226 --> 00:11:49,459
But we didn't do it.

317
00:11:49,511 --> 00:11:53,764
Save it!

318
00:11:53,815 --> 00:11:55,182
As punishment,

319
00:11:55,266 --> 00:11:58,068
Because you two obviously
don't have any girlfriends,

320
00:11:58,136 --> 00:11:59,937
You will escort me to the valentine's dance

321
00:11:59,988 --> 00:12:02,639
Wearing elegant ladies pantsuits.

322
00:12:02,691 --> 00:12:04,525
yeah, right.

323
00:12:04,609 --> 00:12:06,026
you'll do it

324
00:12:06,111 --> 00:12:07,194
Or you'll fail my class.

325
00:12:07,278 --> 00:12:08,362
You can't do that.

326
00:12:08,446 --> 00:12:09,997
Have you met me?

327
00:12:10,081 --> 00:12:11,815
I mean it.

328
00:12:11,866 --> 00:12:14,752
Tonight, you are my bitches.

329
00:12:19,824 --> 00:12:22,292
Holy crap.

330
00:12:22,343 --> 00:12:25,345
Abed.

331
00:12:25,430 --> 00:12:26,513
Abed.

332
00:12:36,858 --> 00:12:38,776
Ow.

333
00:12:38,843 --> 00:12:39,943
It's 3:00.

334
00:12:40,011 --> 00:12:42,312
What happened?

335
00:12:42,363 --> 00:12:45,232
The last thing I remember is...

336
00:12:45,316 --> 00:12:47,251
You were dancing like that girl

337
00:12:47,318 --> 00:12:49,520
In that movie...

338
00:12:49,587 --> 00:12:50,788
The kids in detention?

339
00:12:50,855 --> 00:12:51,889
i>- Breakfast club.

340
00:12:51,956 --> 00:12:55,059
Dear god. What have you done to me?

341
00:12:55,126 --> 00:12:58,962
Wait. Did I call britta?

342
00:12:59,030 --> 00:13:00,380
Where's my phone?

343
00:13:00,465 --> 00:13:02,533
Got it.

344
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,668
You made two outgoing calls.

345
00:13:04,719 --> 00:13:06,970
One to britta, one to your girlfriend.

346
00:13:07,038 --> 00:13:08,806
I don't remember either of them.

347
00:13:08,873 --> 00:13:11,558
Neither do I.

348
00:13:11,643 --> 00:13:12,760
And I don't remember the name of the girl

349
00:13:12,844 --> 00:13:15,112
In the breakfast club.

350
00:13:15,180 --> 00:13:16,980
Mary.

351
00:13:17,048 --> 00:13:19,399
Margaret.

352
00:13:19,484 --> 00:13:21,819
Molly ringworm.

353
00:13:21,886 --> 00:13:23,387
You broke me.

354
00:13:26,744 --> 00:13:29,495
I still can't believe I'm a size 14.

355
00:13:29,579 --> 00:13:30,813
I know that 12's a little tight,

356
00:13:30,881 --> 00:13:33,416
But I could have pulled it off.

357
00:13:33,483 --> 00:13:35,751
Are you guys really going through with this?

358
00:13:35,802 --> 00:13:38,220
We have to. He'll fail us.

359
00:13:38,288 --> 00:13:39,755
Yeah, but we're gonna find
out who wrote that letter.

360
00:13:39,806 --> 00:13:41,307
We have leads. - Yeah.

361
00:13:41,391 --> 00:13:42,958
It was written on fake princeton letterhead.

362
00:13:43,010 --> 00:13:45,127
So whoever wrote it worked at princeton,

363
00:13:45,178 --> 00:13:46,345
Ran out of stationary,

364
00:13:46,430 --> 00:13:47,963
And didn't have time to go to the store.

365
00:13:48,015 --> 00:13:50,866
- Um, you guys--
- mm-mm!

366
00:13:50,934 --> 00:13:54,186
What?

367
00:13:54,271 --> 00:13:55,637
Women's sizes run slimmer.

368
00:13:55,689 --> 00:13:58,157
I'm sure you're a 12
everywhere that it counts.

369
00:13:58,241 --> 00:14:00,693
Well, I'll take every little
victory I can get right now.

370
00:14:02,996 --> 00:14:05,664
Hmm. You look about ready
to marry courtney love.

371
00:14:08,251 --> 00:14:09,952
That's the reverse of my zinger from before.

372
00:14:10,003 --> 00:14:11,653
Okay, please stop shouting. All right.

373
00:14:11,705 --> 00:14:13,672
I feel like that person in the tv show.

374
00:14:13,757 --> 00:14:17,693
Do you remember calling me last night?

375
00:14:17,761 --> 00:14:19,195
Yeah. Why?

376
00:14:19,262 --> 00:14:20,296
Are we cool?

377
00:14:20,364 --> 00:14:22,181
Oh, yeah.

378
00:14:22,265 --> 00:14:23,349
Have a seat, drunky brewster.

379
00:14:23,433 --> 00:14:26,802
Let's study.

380
00:14:26,853 --> 00:14:28,187
Balance restored, I guess.

381
00:14:28,271 --> 00:14:30,306
Movie reference.

382
00:14:33,343 --> 00:14:41,367
Â♪ Â♪

383
00:14:47,374 --> 00:14:48,824
Hey, there.

384
00:14:48,875 --> 00:14:51,210
Happy valentine's day.

385
00:14:51,294 --> 00:14:52,378
I've been calling you.

386
00:14:52,462 --> 00:14:53,695
Yeah, I know.

387
00:14:53,747 --> 00:14:54,997
I figured I'd just let it go to voice mail

388
00:14:55,048 --> 00:14:56,715
In case you had the wrong number again.

389
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,034
Elaborate?

390
00:14:59,086 --> 00:15:00,419
Oh, you don't remember calling me

391
00:15:00,504 --> 00:15:01,670
At 4:00 in the morning and hanging up

392
00:15:01,721 --> 00:15:04,056
When you realized I wasn't britta?

393
00:15:04,141 --> 00:15:07,176
I guess not.

394
00:15:07,227 --> 00:15:09,145
Michelle.

395
00:15:09,212 --> 00:15:11,180
Michelle, um...

396
00:15:11,231 --> 00:15:15,351
I was trying to call britain
to order you toffees.

397
00:15:15,402 --> 00:15:17,019
Now that may sound dumb,

398
00:15:17,070 --> 00:15:18,404
But I needed to open with it

399
00:15:18,488 --> 00:15:23,225
To make the truth less ridiculous.

400
00:15:23,276 --> 00:15:27,580
You see, two nights ago,
britta drunk dialed me

401
00:15:27,664 --> 00:15:30,232
And it embarrassed her and made her sad.

402
00:15:30,283 --> 00:15:32,168
And the only way for her
to get her power back

403
00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:34,920
Was for me to get believably drunk

404
00:15:35,005 --> 00:15:36,905
And leave her an equally
embarrassing message.

405
00:15:36,957 --> 00:15:39,708
It sure seems like you
and britta are friends

406
00:15:39,759 --> 00:15:42,744
The way my mom's pool cleaner was my uncle.

407
00:15:42,796 --> 00:15:44,746
Have you had sex with her?
Not even a little.

408
00:15:44,798 --> 00:15:46,682
What doesn't make sense is that you did

409
00:15:46,749 --> 00:15:48,801
All this work to put a smile on her face,

410
00:15:48,885 --> 00:15:50,970
But you can't pick up ice cream
for law & order night

411
00:15:51,054 --> 00:15:52,754
Because it feels too marriage-y.

412
00:15:52,806 --> 00:15:54,473
First of all, chubby hubby?

413
00:15:54,558 --> 00:15:56,091
I mean, could you pick a scarier flavor?

414
00:15:56,159 --> 00:15:58,727
Let's talk about this later.

415
00:15:58,778 --> 00:16:02,264
I need to chaperone... Something.

416
00:16:05,535 --> 00:16:06,602
Â♪ I love that hop how it hit Â♪

417
00:16:06,653 --> 00:16:08,370
Â♪ everybody stay up on the tip Â♪

418
00:16:08,438 --> 00:16:09,705
Â♪ 'cause they love it when the bass knock Â♪

419
00:16:09,772 --> 00:16:11,874
Â♪ and I love it when the bass kick Â♪

420
00:16:11,941 --> 00:16:13,626
Â♪ everybody feel it in your soul Â♪

421
00:16:13,710 --> 00:16:15,377
Â♪ oh, oh, although you'd never know Â♪

422
00:16:15,445 --> 00:16:17,046
Â♪ gimme the microphone and let me go Â♪

423
00:16:17,113 --> 00:16:18,881
Â♪ everybody hitting the dance floor Â♪

424
00:16:18,948 --> 00:16:20,549
Â♪ here the bass go Â♪ - Â♪ so so incredible Â♪

425
00:16:20,617 --> 00:16:22,251
Â♪ so cute, them boys go wild Â♪

426
00:16:22,302 --> 00:16:24,253
Â♪ so sweet I'm edible... Â♪

427
00:16:24,304 --> 00:16:27,173
There he is. Oh, no.

428
00:16:27,257 --> 00:16:30,292
I thought I'd be embarrassed,
now I'm just scared.

429
00:16:30,343 --> 00:16:31,510
I'm seriously reconsidering

430
00:16:31,595 --> 00:16:33,762
How much I want this language credit.

431
00:16:33,813 --> 00:16:36,182
Remember what we said.

432
00:16:36,266 --> 00:16:38,234
Never let him see us cry.

433
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:40,903
Right. Okay.

434
00:16:40,970 --> 00:16:42,638
One, two--

435
00:16:42,689 --> 00:16:44,640
- Wait!
- Keep your coats on.

436
00:16:44,691 --> 00:16:46,475
We're the ones that sent
the letter to chang.

437
00:16:46,526 --> 00:16:48,194
What?

438
00:16:48,278 --> 00:16:49,995
You work-- you work at princeton?

439
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:51,780
We were mad at him for humiliating you.

440
00:16:51,831 --> 00:16:52,948
Well, nice fix,

441
00:16:52,999 --> 00:16:55,918
Tweedle dum and even tweedler dum.

442
00:16:55,985 --> 00:16:59,872
Look. We're gonna tell chang the truth.

443
00:16:59,956 --> 00:17:02,424
And we'll pay the price.

444
00:17:02,492 --> 00:17:04,260
Wait.

445
00:17:04,327 --> 00:17:05,895
We-- we can't make you do that.

446
00:17:05,962 --> 00:17:07,046
No, he's right. We--

447
00:17:07,130 --> 00:17:08,214
First we gotta get out of these pantsuits

448
00:17:08,298 --> 00:17:09,381
And you can put them on.

449
00:17:09,466 --> 00:17:12,000
Look, pierce, this whole thing started

450
00:17:12,052 --> 00:17:13,852
Because you and I were ashamed that

451
00:17:13,937 --> 00:17:15,170
We didn't have ladies that cared about us.

452
00:17:15,222 --> 00:17:17,973
And the good news is, we obviously do.

453
00:17:18,024 --> 00:17:20,192
The bad news is...

454
00:17:20,277 --> 00:17:22,177
That it makes it our manly duty

455
00:17:22,229 --> 00:17:23,362
To protect them tonight.

456
00:17:23,446 --> 00:17:25,114
- Oh!
- Oh, that's nice.

457
00:17:25,181 --> 00:17:27,449
But we really can't let you do that. It's--

458
00:17:27,517 --> 00:17:29,852
No, he's right. He's right.

459
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:31,320
Step aside.

460
00:17:31,371 --> 00:17:33,489
- Oh!
- Ooh.

461
00:17:33,540 --> 00:17:34,690
Let's handle this like men.

462
00:17:34,741 --> 00:17:35,991
Yes.

463
00:17:36,042 --> 00:17:40,028
Â♪ I'm going crazy Â♪

464
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:41,547
Â♪ I'm going crazy Â♪

465
00:17:41,631 --> 00:17:42,831
Oh, ladies...

466
00:17:42,882 --> 00:17:43,916
They're gonna be okay, right?

467
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,168
Get in my mercedes.

468
00:17:46,219 --> 00:17:48,554
Just look away, baby.

469
00:17:48,638 --> 00:17:51,039
Â♪ Â♪

470
00:17:51,091 --> 00:17:52,341
Just look away.

471
00:17:52,392 --> 00:17:53,759
Â♪ 'cause they love it when the bass knock Â♪

472
00:17:53,843 --> 00:17:55,311
Â♪ and I love it when the bass kick Â♪

473
00:17:55,378 --> 00:17:59,014
Â♪ Â♪

474
00:17:59,065 --> 00:18:00,649
Â♪ 'cause they love it when the bass knock Â♪

475
00:18:00,717 --> 00:18:02,551
Â♪ and I love it when the bass kick Â♪

476
00:18:02,602 --> 00:18:05,854
Â♪ Â♪

477
00:18:05,905 --> 00:18:07,222
Â♪ 'cause they love it
when the bass knock... Â♪

478
00:18:10,293 --> 00:18:12,077
Whoa.

479
00:18:12,162 --> 00:18:14,246
Looking for someone?

480
00:18:14,331 --> 00:18:18,117
Yeah. Slater.

481
00:18:19,536 --> 00:18:21,954
Very funny.

482
00:18:22,038 --> 00:18:23,122
You know, when you called me last night

483
00:18:23,206 --> 00:18:26,408
And invited me to the dance, I was shocked.

484
00:18:26,459 --> 00:18:29,812
And...Thrilled.

485
00:18:29,879 --> 00:18:33,415
Are you okay?

486
00:18:33,466 --> 00:18:35,050
Yeah.

487
00:18:35,118 --> 00:18:38,086
No. No. Look.

488
00:18:38,138 --> 00:18:40,689
I'm sorry. Uh, I don't--

489
00:18:40,757 --> 00:18:42,191
I don't remember asking you to the dance.

490
00:18:42,258 --> 00:18:43,559
I don't remember anything.

491
00:18:43,610 --> 00:18:46,195
And now slater knows about
all the drunk dialing stuff

492
00:18:46,262 --> 00:18:47,396
And I'm in the dog house.

493
00:18:47,447 --> 00:18:50,115
And if she finds out about this, it's over.

494
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,985
So again, I am sorry. I am so, so sorry.

495
00:18:53,069 --> 00:18:55,571
And you are messing with
me right now, aren't you?

496
00:18:55,622 --> 00:18:57,323
I knew you didn't remember anything

497
00:18:57,407 --> 00:18:59,208
From that phone call last night.

498
00:18:59,275 --> 00:19:03,111
You got dressed up just to see me sweat?

499
00:19:03,163 --> 00:19:05,497
Oh, believe me, you're worth it.

500
00:19:05,582 --> 00:19:07,549
Sorry, just chaperoning. Enjoy the dance.

501
00:19:07,617 --> 00:19:09,418
Wait, michelle.

502
00:19:09,469 --> 00:19:12,671
Jeff. What's left to say?

503
00:19:12,756 --> 00:19:16,258
Uh, I--I don't know.

504
00:19:16,326 --> 00:19:18,761
I do.

505
00:19:18,812 --> 00:19:22,798
He said it last night.

506
00:19:22,849 --> 00:19:25,684
so look,

507
00:19:25,769 --> 00:19:28,604
I am really into michelle,

508
00:19:28,655 --> 00:19:30,189
And I don't wanna screw it up.

509
00:19:30,273 --> 00:19:32,991
She's a perfect girlfriend.

510
00:19:33,076 --> 00:19:34,827
And I want you to be as happy as me

511
00:19:34,911 --> 00:19:36,995
Because you're, like,
my favorite friend, so--

512
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,781
girlfriend, girlfriend.

513
00:19:38,848 --> 00:19:41,617
I'm sorry. Abed just made a turtle face.

514
00:19:41,668 --> 00:19:42,835
Hey, britta!

515
00:19:42,919 --> 00:19:44,370
In his defense,

516
00:19:44,454 --> 00:19:46,288
Abed's turtle face is really funny.

517
00:19:46,339 --> 00:19:47,539
Thanks, britta.

518
00:19:47,624 --> 00:19:50,959
Yeah, thanks.

519
00:19:51,010 --> 00:19:53,128
Yeah.

520
00:19:53,179 --> 00:19:56,014
That was the first 20 seconds
of a 40-minute message.

521
00:19:56,099 --> 00:20:00,302
Very informative.

522
00:20:02,171 --> 00:20:04,139
Happy valentine's day.

523
00:20:04,190 --> 00:20:05,307
Perfect boyfriend.

524
00:20:05,358 --> 00:20:08,777
Yeah. That's me.

525
00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:25,698
Man, I cannot wait to get out

526
00:20:25,782 --> 00:20:27,116
Of these ridiculous outfits.

527
00:20:27,183 --> 00:20:30,386
Woof, I know. Yeah.

528
00:20:30,454 --> 00:20:31,954
What are you doing? I'm parked over here.

529
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:34,123
Oh, uh, well, um--

530
00:20:36,209 --> 00:20:37,743
- Come on.
- All right. Okay.

531
00:20:37,828 --> 00:20:39,795
Um, what the hell is this?

532
00:20:39,863 --> 00:20:41,330
We're going to get frozen yogurt.

533
00:20:41,381 --> 00:20:42,498
I'm not gay, man.

534
00:20:42,549 --> 00:20:43,799
They close in seven minutes.

535
00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:45,084
I could have driven you.

536
00:20:45,168 --> 00:20:47,887
- You said he hated fro
-yo.

537
00:20:47,971 --> 00:20:52,425
Just drive.

538
00:20:52,509 --> 00:20:53,177
Slut!

539
00:20:53,228 --> 00:20:58,314
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