1
00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:04,437
[###]
2
00:00:06,373 --> 00:00:08,568
Good morning, everybody.
SHIRLEY: Hi, Jeff.
3
00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:11,209
I brought bagels.
Oh, I'd love a bagel.
4
00:00:11,411 --> 00:00:14,903
The perfect beginning
for my first day of billiards class.
5
00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:18,846
Oh. Did you pick a special outfit so
you could look sexy shooting pool?
6
00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:21,486
Shirley, I have no idea
what you are talking about.
7
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,417
Oh. Oh.
8
00:00:23,623 --> 00:00:26,888
Thirteen.
Oh, great, so much for "baggles."
9
00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:28,251
So much for what?
10
00:00:28,461 --> 00:00:30,725
The "baggles."
You dropped them on the floor.
11
00:00:30,930 --> 00:00:33,091
Uh, they're called "bay-gels."
12
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,164
Uh, I lived in New York, Troy.
I know what a "baggle" is.
13
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[GROUP LAUGHING]
14
00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:39,864
What the hell is wrong with you?
What?
15
00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:41,062
You say "bagel" wrong.
16
00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:42,605
I say it the same as you.
17
00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:44,873
Say it again.
18
00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:47,176
"Baggle."
19
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:48,870
[ALL LAUGHING
EXCEPT BRITTA & ABED]
20
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:52,210
Can we just keep studying?
We're on page 258.
21
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:56,586
What "padge" was that?
SHIRLEY: Two-five-tee-eight. Heh.
22
00:00:57,090 --> 00:01:00,059
Whoa. Check this out.
Uh-oh.
23
00:01:00,427 --> 00:01:04,796
Oh, it's a drawing of Abed
with hearts all around it.
24
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:07,728
Strictly speaking, Troy, the Bible
condemns this level of friendship.
25
00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:08,992
I didn't draw that.
26
00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:11,693
I bought that used.
Must have been whoever had it last.
27
00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:14,936
Obviously, it's a girl
who has a crush on Abed.
28
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:16,403
This is so romantic.
29
00:01:16,609 --> 00:01:18,907
It's just like The Notebook, except
instead of Alzheimer's, Abed has...
30
00:01:19,112 --> 00:01:22,081
Ahem. Mm-hm.
Someone who likes him.
31
00:01:22,282 --> 00:01:23,772
Well, whoever she is, she's fat.
32
00:01:23,983 --> 00:01:26,076
These thick pencil lines
were drawn with a heavy hand.
33
00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:27,878
We gotta find this person for Abed.
34
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,147
Unless it's a boy,
then we find him for Jesus.
35
00:01:30,356 --> 00:01:32,290
But either way,
this is going to be fun.
36
00:01:32,492 --> 00:01:33,959
[SHIRLEY & ANNIE GIGGLING]
37
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,127
SHIRLEY:
Cute little face.
38
00:01:35,328 --> 00:01:36,818
[GIGGLES]
39
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:38,998
[THE 88'S "AT LEAST
IT WAS HERE" PLAYING]
40
00:01:45,205 --> 00:01:46,900
[CHANG SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
THEN CLASS REPEATING]
41
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,597
[CHUCKLES]
42
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:53,302
[CHANG SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
THEN CLASS REPEATING]
43
00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:56,209
Guys, class is over.
44
00:01:56,416 --> 00:01:57,849
I'm trying to get you to leave.
45
00:01:58,051 --> 00:01:59,177
SHIRLEY AND ABED:
Oh.
46
00:01:59,385 --> 00:02:01,080
STUDENT:
Let's go.
47
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,915
Pick that up.
Señor Chang?
48
00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:08,522
We're trying to figure out whose
Spanish book this was before Troy's.
49
00:02:12,732 --> 00:02:16,327
[MOANS THEN CHANTS]
50
00:02:16,536 --> 00:02:18,299
Jenny Adams.
Oh.
51
00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:20,769
Oh, come on.
If all Chinese were psychic
52
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,704
you would have started using
birth control centuries ago.
53
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:26,174
Her name's in the front
of the book, morons.
54
00:02:26,412 --> 00:02:28,107
Yay. He's right.
55
00:02:28,548 --> 00:02:30,982
Them I understand.
But how did you not think of that?
56
00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:35,117
I may have been thrown off by Britta's
pronunciation of the word "bagel."
57
00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:36,549
How do you pronounce bagel?
I don't.
58
00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:38,485
Come on. Ugh.
"Baggle."
59
00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:39,953
You're the worst.
60
00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:42,690
So we have a name.
61
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:45,126
Jenny Adams.
Cool.
62
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:47,959
See, it's a fat girl's name.
Might as well be Gravy Jones.
63
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,227
Pierce, it doesn't matter
what she looks like.
64
00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:53,496
This will be great for Abed.
It will?
65
00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:55,367
Aren't you excited
about talking to her?
66
00:02:55,575 --> 00:02:57,167
I wasn't planning on it.
What?
67
00:02:57,377 --> 00:03:00,210
Guys, come on, you heard Abed.
He's not interested. Drop it.
68
00:03:00,413 --> 00:03:01,710
Jeff, you need to mind
your own business.
69
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:05,112
Abed, you need to get with this girl,
immediately, if not sooner.
70
00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:07,183
Yeah?
Abed, for guys like you,
71
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:10,879
this kind of opportunity
only comes around once in a life...
72
00:03:11,090 --> 00:03:12,079
While.
73
00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:14,351
It's important to date
in college, Abed.
74
00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:17,257
It's a time of freedom
and exploration.
75
00:03:17,463 --> 00:03:20,023
A time when a simple pillow fight
between two innocent girls
76
00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:23,600
could turn to a steamy night
of unbridled lust.
77
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:26,937
Britta knows all about it.
78
00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:29,937
Okay. Cool. So you guys are gonna
Can't Buy Me Love me, right?
79
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:32,168
We're gonna what you?
You're gonna Can't Buy Me Love me.
80
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:34,869
You know, transform me
from zero to hero, geek to chic.
81
00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:37,174
Oh, he wants us to
Love Don't Cost a Thing him.
82
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:38,748
Oh.
Can't Buy Me Love
83
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,044
was the remake
for white audiences.
84
00:03:40,253 --> 00:03:41,845
That's so uncomfortable
when they do that.
85
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,523
I can't believe it doesn't
insult them.
86
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:48,050
All right, nobody here
is Can't Buy Me Love-ing
87
00:03:48,261 --> 00:03:50,195
or Love Don't Cost a Thing-ing
anyone.
88
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:53,126
Because we've all seen enough
after-school specials
89
00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:55,228
and Fat Albert to know
Oh.
90
00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:58,529
That Abed only needs
to be himself.
91
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:02,035
Sure glad
there are no old people here.
92
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,734
This conversation would probably
be total gibberish to them.
93
00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:08,106
Jeff's unprecedentedly right
about this.
94
00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:10,782
Abed, when we find this girl,
you're gonna approach her
95
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,952
just the way you are.
Because that's good enough.
96
00:04:13,152 --> 00:04:17,384
Yeah. Then you can take her to a nice
deli and treat her to a "baggle."
97
00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:18,579
[ALL LAUGH]
98
00:04:18,791 --> 00:04:20,759
[###]
99
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,202
MAN 1:
Oh, yeah.
100
00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:35,302
MAN 2:
Oh, yeah.
101
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,839
Hey, nice shooting.
Good clean strokes.
102
00:04:43,249 --> 00:04:46,150
Thanks.
Form a line, please.
103
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:50,552
My name is Coach Bogner.
104
00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:54,818
Welcome to the Art of Pool,
105
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,996
which is a phys ed class.
106
00:04:57,196 --> 00:05:02,156
Which means that you all have to wear
the proper equipment at all times.
107
00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:05,337
So suit up.
See you back on the felt in 5.
108
00:05:07,206 --> 00:05:10,107
Heh. You're gonna look
like an ass in those.
109
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:11,866
Shut up, Leonard.
110
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:15,536
I talked to your son on Family Day.
I know all about your gambling.
111
00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:18,545
Touché.
112
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:23,017
All right, everybody just hang out
and be casual.
113
00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:25,622
My sources tell me
that Jenny Adams is the blonde
114
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:27,918
who's reading right over there.
115
00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:31,795
Whoa! That's her? She's pretty.
116
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:34,296
Which is not a surprise at all, Abed.
117
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:37,132
Okay, Abed, we're gonna be here
for moral support.
118
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,895
Just go over there, do your thing.
119
00:05:39,105 --> 00:05:40,094
Okay.
BRITTA: Remember, be yourself.
120
00:05:40,306 --> 00:05:42,137
Got it. Cool.
BRITTA: Great.
121
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,303
[CLICKING TONGUE]
122
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,072
TROY: Abed.
Yeah?
123
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,275
What are you doing?
I'm being myself.
124
00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:55,716
Go be yourself by Jenny.
125
00:05:57,323 --> 00:05:59,484
But I wouldn't go over there.
How do you know that?
126
00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:00,818
A lifetime of observation mostly.
127
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:04,463
Well, do you think there's a version
of yourself that might go over there?
128
00:06:04,664 --> 00:06:06,598
Absolutely.
ANNIE: Could you be him?
129
00:06:06,799 --> 00:06:08,198
Okay.
130
00:06:09,736 --> 00:06:11,226
[HISSING]
131
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:12,665
Oh.
132
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,169
What the hell was that?
133
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,904
A different version of me.
I think he was a vampire.
134
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:25,710
All right. If this is gonna turn ugly,
I can't be here. I'm a two-striker.
135
00:06:25,918 --> 00:06:27,715
No, Pierce, please, hang on.
136
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,787
Abed, will you excuse us, please?
Yeah.
137
00:06:30,990 --> 00:06:32,252
[###]
138
00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:34,289
Look, I know that
we're all good people.
139
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:36,860
And good people believe
that people should be themselves.
140
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:39,293
But if Abed is himself,
he's gonna die alone.
141
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:41,091
And if we let him be someone else...
142
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:42,289
Be right back.
143
00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:43,491
[HISSING]
144
00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:44,829
[GRUNTS]
145
00:06:45,037 --> 00:06:46,664
I'm out of here.
146
00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:51,076
[###]
147
00:06:57,517 --> 00:07:00,145
MAN: Oh, my God, there's
a midget on stilts.
148
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,321
[GROUP CHUCKLING]
149
00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:04,114
[LAUGHS]
150
00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:08,185
[MAN WHISTLES]
151
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:26,307
You're not in uniform.
Yeah, about that.
152
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:29,106
We seriously have to wear shorts
to play pool?
153
00:07:29,315 --> 00:07:31,249
If you play in this class.
It's regulation.
154
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,351
Regulation pool or regulation you?
155
00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:35,980
Do you have something
against playing pool
156
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,783
with a full range of motion
and optimal comfort?
157
00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:41,357
I'm comfortable in my own clothes.
[QUIETLY] I bet you are.
158
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:43,757
I'm sorry?
[LOUDLY] I said
159
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:47,922
I bet you're comfortable dressed
like a model instead of an athlete,
160
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:51,535
sipping martinis, smoking, instead
of keeping your game on the table.
161
00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:54,433
Hey, listen, man, you're implying
I'm some sort of pool poser
162
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,131
because I don't wanna wear
a bathing suit.
163
00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:59,077
You're the weird one.
164
00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:01,439
That's weird, not me.
165
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,207
Nobody plays pool like that.
Yeah, what do you call this?
166
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:07,383
I call that
your personal business, okay?
167
00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:11,284
And I call this class the desecration
of America's coolest sport.
168
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,187
Yeah. l... See, right there. Ha.
"Coolest sport."
169
00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:17,692
Okay, I want everybody to know
what's going on here.
170
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:21,492
This hipster is dropping this class
171
00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:25,296
because he cares more about what
he looks like than how he's playing.
172
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,836
Oh, please.
173
00:08:27,039 --> 00:08:29,405
You're the one with the rules
about clothes.
174
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:32,840
And, by the way, I could kick
your ass all over that table.
175
00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:34,706
Oh, is that a challenge?
176
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:39,041
Huh? Because if you play me in pool,
you play me in shorts.
177
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:42,585
And if you can't do that,
well, my point's already made.
178
00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:48,859
[STAMMERING] I don't have
anything to prove to you or...
179
00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:52,224
Look, you're stupid. This is stupid.
180
00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:55,896
Pool in shorts is stupid.
181
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:59,697
Vanity, thy name is... his name.
182
00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:02,670
WOMAN: Bye.
It's the first day. I didn't catch it.
183
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:05,605
Okay, Abed, we know that, normally,
you wouldn't approach a girl.
184
00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:08,006
But if you don't learn how,
you won't get Jenny.
185
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,239
Yeah and you got two days.
Then I'm going after her.
186
00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:12,917
Pierce.
What, I'm incentivizing him.
187
00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:16,350
Also, if she's into Abed, let's face it,
anybody could hit that.
188
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:19,024
I understand, I need to change who
I am to someone more likeable.
189
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:22,353
No, no, sweetie, it's not about
changing. It's about learning.
190
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,189
Learning to change?
No, it's...
191
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:27,889
Good grief, clear the chickens
off the runway. I'll be the bad guy.
192
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,625
Yes, Abed,
you need to be someone else.
193
00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:32,394
Someone who, eventually,
gets a girlfriend.
194
00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:35,267
Because I can't think of anything
more frightening
195
00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:39,433
than a half-Polish, half-Arab virgin
in his 30s.
196
00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:42,273
One way or the other,
that story ends with an explosion.
197
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:44,442
Let's try a practice run.
198
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:48,245
All right, Annie, you sit here, okay,
and be a girl.
199
00:09:48,454 --> 00:09:51,514
Abed, you take a run at her.
Let's see what you got.
200
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:52,882
Okay.
201
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:58,596
Hmm.
202
00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:00,692
[IN DEEP VOICE]
What are you reading?
203
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,428
Pride and Prejudice.
204
00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:05,928
[SIGHS]
205
00:10:06,138 --> 00:10:08,834
So you're familiar with two sins.
206
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:10,941
How about a third?
Oh.
207
00:10:11,143 --> 00:10:13,077
[###]
208
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:20,013
I don't think
we're allowed to smoke in here.
209
00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:22,181
Then you picked the wrong outfit,
210
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:25,579
didn't you?
211
00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:29,619
Abed, what are you doing?
212
00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:31,057
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Don Draper from Mad Men.
213
00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:32,423
What'd you think?
Awesome.
214
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,497
Put your tongue in her ear.
I liked it.
215
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,964
Don't be him. He cheats on his wife.
216
00:10:37,169 --> 00:10:38,659
Be somebody nice like Mike Brady.
217
00:10:39,071 --> 00:10:42,268
He always had that housekeeper throwing herself at him.
He never made a move on her.
218
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,409
Don't be Mike Brady.
Mike Brady's not sexy.
219
00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:47,636
You should be like Jo
from Facts of Life.
220
00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:51,209
But you know, the dude version.
I knew it.
221
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:52,645
You should be like Calvin.
222
00:10:52,852 --> 00:10:55,252
His best friend was a tiger,
he always went on dope adventures.
223
00:10:55,454 --> 00:10:57,149
Anything stood in his way,
he just peed on it.
224
00:10:57,356 --> 00:10:59,051
Calvin Coolidge?
No, you guys.
225
00:10:59,258 --> 00:11:00,953
Don Draper
was clearly the sexiest...
226
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,561
TROY: And the worst thing about
it, is like that Calvin.
227
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:06,857
What are you guys doing?
228
00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:08,158
They're teaching me
to be someone else.
229
00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:09,493
Oh, for God's sake.
230
00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:11,533
What did I tell you guys?
231
00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:14,840
[IMITATING JEFF] Oh, for God's sakes,
everybody, do whatever you want.
232
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:16,406
Leave each other alone.
233
00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:19,404
Whoa, that's a good Jeff.
How'd you do that?
234
00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:21,512
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Ten percent Dick
Van Dyke, 20 percent Sam Malone,
235
00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:24,877
40 percent Zach Braff in Scrubs, and 30
percent Hilary Swank in Boys Don't Cry.
236
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:27,047
Zach Braff?
Sorry.
237
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:29,016
Abed, what if you just did Jeff
for Jenny?
238
00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:31,052
[AS JEFF]
Uh... And your point is?
239
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:33,920
Look, I don't want any part of this.
240
00:11:34,126 --> 00:11:36,219
And I can't believe
tha... That you're still doing it
241
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:40,923
after I already explained the obvious
lesson smacking you in the face.
242
00:11:41,133 --> 00:11:42,498
Hey, why aren't you
in billiards class?
243
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,431
Because I don't look cool in shorts.
244
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,098
Oh!
BRITTA: Whoa!
245
00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:50,242
Okay.
Because I'm not cool in shorts.
246
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:53,037
Now that's good.
TROY: That was really good.
247
00:11:53,245 --> 00:11:55,213
[###]
248
00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:59,679
I don't wanna spoil the ending but,
uh, pride ends up with prejudice.
249
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:02,582
That's funny.
ABED: I know.
250
00:12:02,788 --> 00:12:06,519
Stick with me, and you get a laugh or two.
That's the Abed guarantee.
251
00:12:11,030 --> 00:12:12,759
I feel like I've seen you before.
252
00:12:13,165 --> 00:12:14,564
It's working.
I know.
253
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:16,462
I get that a lot from art students.
254
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:19,035
I'm told I have a face
made for sketching.
255
00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:21,365
I'd rather think
it was made for kissing.
256
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,305
How about for punching, huh?
257
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,447
What are you doing
hitting on my girlfriend, ugly?
258
00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:33,011
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
This is awkward.
259
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:34,208
Oh, my God.
260
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:35,819
It's a white Abed.
261
00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:38,546
I... I know. It... It's like Abed
but employable.
262
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:41,988
Huh, boss? Let's go, Slumdog.
Oh.
263
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:46,291
PELTON: And one last Lost and
Found announcement.
264
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,763
Jeff Winger, I've been informed
by Coach Bogner
265
00:12:48,968 --> 00:12:51,334
that you left your panties
in his pool class
266
00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:53,767
so better pick those up.
267
00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:56,533
When is he gonna stop doing that?
268
00:12:56,742 --> 00:12:58,471
Do you know
that he called me a hipster?
269
00:12:58,677 --> 00:13:01,145
Hipster. Do hipsters walk around
270
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,679
wearing $300 jeans from Italy?
271
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:07,148
Can we please talk about Abed?
Thanks to us, his heart's been broken.
272
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:11,483
Well, I hate to say that I told you so,
so I'll shout it through cupped hands.
273
00:13:11,690 --> 00:13:14,591
I told you so.
We were only trying to help.
274
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,728
Oh, come on, who are we kidding?
Jeff's right.
275
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:19,727
Abed was happy being Abed
till we had to sully his mind
276
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:23,595
with thoughts of love and romance
and vaginas.
277
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:26,035
Those are the big three.
That's what they call them.
278
00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:29,401
Poor Abed. He was probably too sad
to get out of bed this morning.
279
00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:31,098
Hi.
BRITTA: Abed.
280
00:13:32,077 --> 00:13:33,567
About yesterday...
Oh, yeah.
281
00:13:33,779 --> 00:13:36,373
You guys must be pretty upset.
Why would we be upset?
282
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:39,107
Well, I know how important
it was for you that I get a girlfriend.
283
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,684
So when Jenny went off with
white Abed, it must have really hurt.
284
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:44,879
Ah. It did.
White Abed?
285
00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:47,718
Jenny's boyfriend is a white guy
that's almost identical to Abed.
286
00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:50,054
Name is Joey and that's why
the sketch was in Troy's book.
287
00:13:50,462 --> 00:13:52,396
So does that make Abed
brown Joey?
288
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:54,361
If you wanna get racist about it.
289
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,899
Abed, you know we just want you
to be happy, right?
290
00:13:57,102 --> 00:14:00,071
Yeah, I know. Everybody wants me to be happy.
Everybody wants to help me.
291
00:14:00,272 --> 00:14:03,036
But usually when they find out they can't,
they get frustrated and stop talking to me.
292
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:05,972
Or they trick me into buying them ice cream
and then shove me into a clothes dryer.
293
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:07,907
Which I didn't wanna happen
with you guys
294
00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:09,978
so I wanted to make sure you felt
you could help.
295
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:13,049
The truth is, lots of girls like me
because, let's face it,
296
00:14:13,252 --> 00:14:14,913
I'm pretty adorable.
Mm-hm.
297
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:18,351
And, uh, my aloofness unconsciously
reminds them of their fathers, so...
298
00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:20,787
I'm more used to them
approaching me.
299
00:14:21,293 --> 00:14:23,488
So we didn't damage
your self-esteem or anything?
300
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,357
Britta, I got self-esteem
falling out of my butt.
301
00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:26,758
[###]
302
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:28,365
That's why I was willing
to change for you,
303
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:30,762
because when you really know who you
are and what you like about yourself
304
00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:33,939
changing for other people
isn't such a big deal.
305
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:39,370
Abed, you're a god.
306
00:14:42,681 --> 00:14:44,410
If you'll all excuse me,
307
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:47,586
I have a man to beat in pool
while wearing shorts.
308
00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:52,753
Is that code for going number one
or number two?
309
00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:57,156
Abed, you've inspired me too.
People can mock me all they want.
310
00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:59,297
I don't care how
I say the word "baggle."
311
00:14:59,498 --> 00:15:00,726
[GROUP LAUGHING]
312
00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:03,896
"Baggle."
She said the word "baggle."
313
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:06,469
[GROUP CHATTERING]
314
00:15:06,672 --> 00:15:08,799
MAN:
Okay, let's play some pool.
315
00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:11,374
Hey, nice cross corner, Leonard.
LEONARD: Totally. Heh-heh.
316
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,545
I'd like to see Jeff Winger
try that shot
317
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,839
without the benefit
of his stylish clothing.
318
00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:17,743
Oh, would you?
319
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:19,907
Jeff Winger.
320
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,455
Shouldn't you be at
a Urban Outfitters?
321
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:27,057
I'll go there later if I feel like it.
But first I have to hand someone
322
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:30,160
their tightly polyester-swaddled ass
in a game of pool.
323
00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:31,488
CROWD:
Ooh.
324
00:15:31,697 --> 00:15:32,721
Oh, burn.
325
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,230
Now, do you wanna talk
about clothes like a girl?
326
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:38,995
Or use tapered sticks to hit balls
around a cushioned table like a man?
327
00:15:39,204 --> 00:15:41,399
Balls, like a man.
MAN: Oh!
328
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:42,904
Rack them.
329
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:45,000
I'll break.
330
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,768
Why? Because it looks cool?
331
00:15:46,979 --> 00:15:48,674
I don't know.
332
00:15:49,381 --> 00:15:50,746
You tell me.
333
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,918
[WARREN ZEVON'S "WEREWOLVES
OF LONDON" PLAYING]
334
00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:54,676
MAN:
Yeah.
335
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:56,377
[MAN WHISTLES]
336
00:15:58,223 --> 00:16:00,191
[CROWD CHATTERING]
337
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,867
Get out of the way.
338
00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:25,173
[CROWD CHEERING]
339
00:16:25,384 --> 00:16:26,851
Shh-shh, boom.
340
00:16:27,419 --> 00:16:30,183
Yeah. Let me just clean this side of the
table off here, all right? Oh, okay.
341
00:16:30,389 --> 00:16:33,381
There you go. See that?
There you go. Oh, yeah.
342
00:16:33,592 --> 00:16:36,220
Yeah. What do you think of that?
See, you haven't learned anything.
343
00:16:36,428 --> 00:16:39,158
Except how to look cool
playing pool in shorts.
344
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:40,354
You're wrong, man.
345
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:43,535
I'm just having a good time
because I love playing pool.
346
00:16:44,103 --> 00:16:45,195
BOGNER:
Liar.
347
00:16:45,404 --> 00:16:47,497
You think you look cool.
348
00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:48,798
Yeah?
349
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,977
Well, how cool is this?
350
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,339
[CROWD GASPS]
351
00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:59,582
Stop projecting your obsession
with clothes onto me as an excuse
352
00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:03,050
for when I beat you
in a game of real pool.
353
00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:04,813
Oh, you wanna play real pool, huh?
354
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:06,790
CROWD:
Oh!
355
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,357
I'll play real pool.
356
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,893
Now who doesn't care
how they look?
357
00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:12,654
Me.
358
00:17:13,298 --> 00:17:15,198
Shouldn't you be stopping this?
Soon. Soon.
359
00:17:15,401 --> 00:17:17,562
Just gathering evidence.
360
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:19,567
[WARREN ZEVON'S "WEREWOLVES
OF LONDON" PLAYING]
361
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,274
Three-to-one against Winger.
Who's on?
362
00:17:27,479 --> 00:17:29,447
[CROWD CHEERS]
363
00:17:32,518 --> 00:17:33,507
[MUTTERS]
364
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:36,880
Oh!
Oh!
365
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:43,421
Ah!
Oh.
366
00:17:49,668 --> 00:17:51,533
CROWD:
Oh...
367
00:17:52,971 --> 00:17:55,371
You know what, Jeff?
368
00:17:55,707 --> 00:17:57,732
One of us is about to win this game.
369
00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:02,306
But years from now,
when the story is retold,
370
00:18:02,514 --> 00:18:04,914
all they're gonna remember
371
00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:08,075
is one of us loved clothes
372
00:18:08,287 --> 00:18:11,916
and the other loved... the game.
373
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:13,489
CROWD:
Ooh.
374
00:18:13,692 --> 00:18:14,750
[###]
375
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:18,157
Aah!
376
00:18:18,363 --> 00:18:19,625
[CROWD CHATTERING]
377
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,766
Aah!
378
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:25,094
BOTH:
Aah!
379
00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:41,686
[ALL SHOUTING]
380
00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:43,855
[CROWD CHATTERING]
381
00:18:51,730 --> 00:18:53,493
MAN: Oh...
WOMAN: Ooh.
382
00:18:57,569 --> 00:18:58,763
CROWD:
Oh!
383
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,563
Ooh!
384
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,330
[ALL CHATTERING]
385
00:19:02,541 --> 00:19:04,509
[###]
386
00:19:07,579 --> 00:19:09,012
Yeah!
387
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:10,408
[CROWD CHEERING]
388
00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:12,607
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
389
00:19:14,786 --> 00:19:16,981
Yeah! Yeah!
390
00:19:17,189 --> 00:19:19,453
Yeah! Yeah.
391
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:21,751
You look at me. Look at me.
392
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:22,984
You beat me.
393
00:19:23,195 --> 00:19:26,687
From now on, you play pool
dressed however you choose.
394
00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:28,355
I choose shorts.
395
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,393
I choose shorts.
396
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:33,126
Shorts.
397
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:36,068
You son of a bitch.
398
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:38,539
You magnificent son of a bitch.
399
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,071
[###]
400
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:45,216
Jeff.
401
00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:47,817
That was awesome.
Let me get in here. Oh!
402
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:51,046
Okay, you're sweaty.
All right, all right.
403
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:53,850
[ALL LAUGHING]
404
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,518
Nice game.
Thanks.
405
00:19:57,729 --> 00:20:00,562
Look, l... I hope this doesn't sound
too forward.
406
00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:05,430
But, um, could you introduce me
to your friend?
407
00:20:05,637 --> 00:20:07,605
[###]
408
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,739
You know what? l...
I know that guy's m.o.,
409
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:16,744
and I think it's better
if you introduce yourself.
410
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,678
Okay.
411
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:22,512
Hi.
Hi.
412
00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:23,949
Courtney.
Abed.
413
00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:30,828
Man, why couldn't I be Brown Joey?
414
00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:34,859
Tsk.
415
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,426
[HUMMING]
416
00:20:38,637 --> 00:20:39,729
Hey, Abed.
Hey Troy.
417
00:20:39,938 --> 00:20:41,735
Here's the book I borrowed.
Thank you.
418
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:44,932
Did you finally get your own book?
Something like that.
419
00:20:46,878 --> 00:20:48,072
Wait a second.
420
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,714
[CHUCKLING]
421
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,110
[MOANS]
422
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:54,046
It's okay. Let's have cookies.
423
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,720
Okay.
424
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,726
Mm. Mm.
Mm. Mm.
425
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,326
[LAUGHS]
426
00:21:03,528 --> 00:21:05,928
My cousin's funeral was today.
Oh, was that... That was today?
427
00:21:06,131 --> 00:21:08,565
I knew there was some reason
I couldn't do this today.
428
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:10,462
Poor Demitri.