1
00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:04,070
Hey. Haven't seen you all day.

2
00:00:04,137 --> 00:00:05,504
[Sighs] I've been really busy.

3
00:00:05,572 --> 00:00:07,473
Plus I had to find, like,
30 extra chairs for my classroom,

4
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:08,707
since it's family day.

5
00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:10,334
Oh, speaking of,
I was going to invite my mom

6
00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:11,563
so you could meet her,

7
00:00:11,631 --> 00:00:13,113
but, uh, she still
thinks I'm a lawyer.

8
00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:14,356
- [Laughing]
- Oh, look!

9
00:00:14,424 --> 00:00:15,932
The human being has a
little human with it...

10
00:00:16,006 --> 00:00:17,812
how blood curdlingly adorable.

11
00:00:17,879 --> 00:00:19,422
Jeff. We need to talk.

12
00:00:19,489 --> 00:00:21,199
What's wrong?
Are you breaking up with me?

13
00:00:21,267 --> 00:00:22,436
Oh. [giggles]

14
00:00:22,504 --> 00:00:25,779
Maybe we don't need to talk.

15
00:00:25,847 --> 00:00:28,287
I'm so excited for
everybody to meet my sons.

16
00:00:28,355 --> 00:00:29,590
Hope they're not twins.
Twins freak me out.

17
00:00:29,657 --> 00:00:30,759
They always know what
the other one is...

18
00:00:30,826 --> 00:00:32,096
- thinking?
- Yeah.

19
00:00:32,164 --> 00:00:33,265
And they're always
finishing each other's...

20
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:34,768
- pie.
- Exactly. It's creepy.

21
00:00:34,836 --> 00:00:36,706
It's gonna be nice
spending time with them.

22
00:00:36,774 --> 00:00:38,876
I don't get to see him that
much since I started school.

23
00:00:38,944 --> 00:00:41,282
My sister likes to joke that
they don't recognize me anymore,

24
00:00:41,349 --> 00:00:42,984
and I like to joke
that she's just jealous

25
00:00:43,052 --> 00:00:44,455
because she's barren. - Mm.

26
00:00:44,522 --> 00:00:45,957
My dad's bringing my cousin Abra.

27
00:00:46,024 --> 00:00:47,660
She's visiting from Gaza.

28
00:00:47,727 --> 00:00:49,296
Does she look like you
but in a wig and lipstick?

29
00:00:49,363 --> 00:00:50,931
No, that's Halle Berry.

30
00:00:50,999 --> 00:00:52,033
Abra wears a full burka in public,

31
00:00:52,102 --> 00:00:53,269
so she just looks like someone

32
00:00:53,337 --> 00:00:54,871
covered head to toe
in black fabric.

33
00:00:54,939 --> 00:00:56,039
Can't believe my grandma's

34
00:00:56,108 --> 00:00:57,809
rolling her old bones down here.

35
00:00:57,877 --> 00:00:59,479
I gotta pick a cabinet to hide in.

36
00:00:59,546 --> 00:01:00,547
You hide from her?

37
00:01:00,615 --> 00:01:01,915
Yeah. She's crazy.

38
00:01:01,983 --> 00:01:03,484
Troy...

39
00:01:03,552 --> 00:01:06,021
Society programs us to
dispose of the elderly

40
00:01:06,090 --> 00:01:07,724
because they don't
work or buy things.

41
00:01:07,791 --> 00:01:10,227
But don't be blind to
your grandmother's value.

42
00:01:10,295 --> 00:01:11,529
You need to cherish her.

43
00:01:11,596 --> 00:01:12,697
You cherish her.

44
00:01:12,765 --> 00:01:13,932
I'm sure I will.

45
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,701
You know she's not gonna
be around forever.

46
00:01:15,769 --> 00:01:17,270
I wanna believe
you're right, Britta.

47
00:01:17,338 --> 00:01:19,940
But you never quite are, are you?

48
00:01:20,007 --> 00:01:21,342
Sorry I'm late.

49
00:01:21,410 --> 00:01:24,079
Was somebody canoodling
with a certain Professor?

50
00:01:24,146 --> 00:01:27,049
Actually, no. She dumped me.

51
00:01:27,117 --> 00:01:28,518
- [Gasps]
- Oh, no!

52
00:01:28,585 --> 00:01:30,052
That's so sad.

53
00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:31,521
I'll give Jeff a
shoulder to cry on,

54
00:01:31,589 --> 00:01:32,622
and you boys go put a dead bird

55
00:01:32,690 --> 00:01:33,790
in that bitch's glove compartment.

56
00:01:33,858 --> 00:01:34,925
- Got it.
- Guys.

57
00:01:34,993 --> 00:01:36,427
Guys, sit.

58
00:01:36,495 --> 00:01:38,430
Shirley, I don't need to cry,
I'm fine.

59
00:01:38,497 --> 00:01:41,768
Jeff, we're your friends.
Let it all out.

60
00:01:41,836 --> 00:01:43,337
There's nothing to let out.

61
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:45,339
I'm just glad I didn't
have to do the dumping.

62
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:47,275
I mean, then I'd have to
lay low for three weeks

63
00:01:47,343 --> 00:01:49,745
to look sensitive and to
avoid questions of overlap.

64
00:01:49,813 --> 00:01:51,982
But as the dumpee... [scoffs]

65
00:01:52,050 --> 00:01:53,585
I can start making out with

66
00:01:53,652 --> 00:01:55,087
every girl on campus right now.

67
00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:56,990
And all anyone will
feel for me is sorry.

68
00:01:57,058 --> 00:01:58,860
Ew! Not anymore.

69
00:01:58,928 --> 00:02:00,329
Your heart's desensitized, Jeff.

70
00:02:00,397 --> 00:02:03,333
Like a machine,
it feels no love... just sex.

71
00:02:03,401 --> 00:02:06,105
You're like the booty-nator.

72
00:02:06,172 --> 00:02:07,240
You know, the booty-nator...

73
00:02:07,307 --> 00:02:08,541
like, "I'll be back,
" but with Booty?

74
00:02:08,609 --> 00:02:10,411
Why would the booty-nator
be back with Booty?

75
00:02:10,479 --> 00:02:11,879
Wouldn't he just try and kill it?

76
00:02:11,947 --> 00:02:13,949
Well, maybe he kills it and
then brings it back as a trophy.

77
00:02:14,017 --> 00:02:16,319
- Why would you want dead Booty?
- I want pirate's Booty.

78
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:17,987
- Because you're hungry?
- Guys...

79
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,623
I'll be back.

80
00:02:19,690 --> 00:02:21,658
But with Booty. All: Ooh!

81
00:02:21,726 --> 00:02:22,792
- Jeff.
- Nice.

82
00:02:22,860 --> 00:02:25,562
- That's beneath you.
- Gross.

83
00:02:27,299 --> 00:02:29,134
Well, you're too
gorgeous to be a teacher,

84
00:02:29,201 --> 00:02:31,399
and you're too happy
to be a student.

85
00:02:31,467 --> 00:02:32,965
Take me to where
your car broke down.

86
00:02:33,033 --> 00:02:34,896
I'm here for family day.

87
00:02:34,964 --> 00:02:36,894
I'm looking for my family.

88
00:02:36,962 --> 00:02:38,395
Oh, well,
I'm sure at the very least

89
00:02:38,462 --> 00:02:40,230
I can fill in for a creepy Uncle.

90
00:02:40,298 --> 00:02:42,065
Jeff. - Amber.

91
00:02:42,133 --> 00:02:43,634
- There she is!
- Hey.

92
00:02:43,701 --> 00:02:45,435
Look at you, all grown up.

93
00:02:45,503 --> 00:02:47,604
Jeff, this is my
stepdaughter, Amber.

94
00:02:47,672 --> 00:02:49,139
- Small world.
- No, actually,

95
00:02:49,207 --> 00:02:50,274
it's a very big world

96
00:02:50,342 --> 00:02:52,142
with five billion
other women in it.

97
00:02:52,210 --> 00:02:54,345
[Laughing] Good luck.

98
00:02:54,412 --> 00:02:56,480
Come on, I'll show you around.

99
00:03:01,687 --> 00:03:02,987
[Sighs]

100
00:03:03,055 --> 00:03:04,189
I'm back.

101
00:03:04,256 --> 00:03:06,124
- Without Booty.
- Now I feel sorry for you.

102
00:03:06,192 --> 00:03:08,026
Sync by honeybunny corrected dny238

103
00:03:08,094 --> 00:03:10,662
♪ I can't count the reasons ♪

104
00:03:10,730 --> 00:03:14,834
♪ I should stay ♪

105
00:03:14,902 --> 00:03:17,903
[soft chatter]

106
00:03:20,340 --> 00:03:22,474
- Hands in the air!
- Homeland security!

107
00:03:22,542 --> 00:03:24,476
Boys, leave that man alone.

108
00:03:24,544 --> 00:03:27,546
- Orange alert!
- Sorry, they're just excited.

109
00:03:27,614 --> 00:03:29,781
You're Abed's father? I'm Shirley.

110
00:03:29,849 --> 00:03:31,917
And that's Elijah,
like the prophet,

111
00:03:31,984 --> 00:03:34,152
and Jordan, like the
14 time NBA all-star.

112
00:03:34,220 --> 00:03:36,588
- Gubi nadir.
- Is that how you say hello?

113
00:03:36,656 --> 00:03:38,457
That's my name.

114
00:03:38,524 --> 00:03:40,058
Oh!

115
00:03:40,126 --> 00:03:41,993
I'm sorry. You're
like a black ghost.

116
00:03:42,061 --> 00:03:43,728
This is my cousin. Abra.

117
00:03:43,796 --> 00:03:45,030
Greetings.

118
00:03:45,098 --> 00:03:46,898
[Speaking Arabic]

119
00:03:46,966 --> 00:03:48,400
Over the course
of seven marriages,

120
00:03:48,467 --> 00:03:50,035
I've amassed some 32 stepchildren.

121
00:03:50,102 --> 00:03:52,304
And obviously, Amber's my favorite.

122
00:03:52,371 --> 00:03:54,939
Yeah, there was something
about his mass emails

123
00:03:55,007 --> 00:03:57,742
that made me certain this
would be a family reunion.

124
00:03:57,810 --> 00:03:59,844
Sure is, sweetie.

125
00:03:59,912 --> 00:04:01,846
She's going to photography school.

126
00:04:01,914 --> 00:04:04,315
- Oh, that sounds interesting.
- Keep it in your pants, winger.

127
00:04:04,383 --> 00:04:05,616
You're embarrassing yourself.

128
00:04:05,684 --> 00:04:07,652
She may be hot,
but she's my princess.

129
00:04:07,719 --> 00:04:10,554
Step-princess.

130
00:04:10,622 --> 00:04:12,756
Okay. Family day.

131
00:04:12,824 --> 00:04:14,858
Let's see what we got here.

132
00:04:14,926 --> 00:04:18,927
Wow, I can't believe
star-burns isn't a virgin.

133
00:04:18,995 --> 00:04:21,529
But judging from that
Bluetooth headset, his son is.

134
00:04:21,597 --> 00:04:23,331
Cha-Ching!

135
00:04:23,398 --> 00:04:26,066
Winger. Too cool for family?

136
00:04:26,134 --> 00:04:28,068
Everyone here is my family.

137
00:04:28,136 --> 00:04:30,770
All: [boos] - Weak.

138
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:32,138
Where's your family, El Tigre?

139
00:04:32,206 --> 00:04:34,840
Ugh, my older brother
will be at the barbeque.

140
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:38,543
And it's none of your business,
but I ate my twin in utero.

141
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:39,778
Oh.

142
00:04:39,845 --> 00:04:41,579
Eh, phantom menace,

143
00:04:41,647 --> 00:04:43,280
how's the trade embargo
with the Naboo?

144
00:04:43,348 --> 00:04:45,249
Anyways, ah...

145
00:04:45,316 --> 00:04:47,250
Looks like Pierce
broke the piggy bank

146
00:04:47,318 --> 00:04:48,818
at the escort service this time.

147
00:04:48,886 --> 00:04:50,486
Hey! Duck sauce, that was rude.

148
00:04:50,554 --> 00:04:53,322
The call girls I frequent
are not nearly as attractive

149
00:04:53,390 --> 00:04:55,223
as my daughter.

150
00:04:55,291 --> 00:04:57,425
Stepdaughter.

151
00:04:57,493 --> 00:05:00,428
Technically ex-stepdaughter.

152
00:05:00,495 --> 00:05:03,530
You know, your mother April...

153
00:05:03,598 --> 00:05:04,765
Wanda. Her name's Wanda.

154
00:05:04,832 --> 00:05:06,032
Was it Wanda? Yes.

155
00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:08,167
Hold on one second. Excuse me.

156
00:05:08,235 --> 00:05:10,536
Jeff, Jeffrey.

157
00:05:10,604 --> 00:05:12,571
The cards are on the table, Jeff.

158
00:05:12,639 --> 00:05:15,206
Amber's the best
shot I'll ever have

159
00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:17,609
at something like a real daughter

160
00:05:17,676 --> 00:05:19,010
and I'm striking out.

161
00:05:19,077 --> 00:05:20,644
Have you told her she's
prettier than a hooker?

162
00:05:20,712 --> 00:05:23,213
If you come to the barbeque...

163
00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:25,115
and I know you'd never
think of touching her...

164
00:05:25,182 --> 00:05:28,751
maybe you could say a couple
of cool things about me.

165
00:05:28,819 --> 00:05:32,421
You want me to wingman you
with your ex-stepdaughter?

166
00:05:32,489 --> 00:05:36,124
I'm sorry. I got a thing.

167
00:05:36,191 --> 00:05:38,192
You have a thing?

168
00:05:38,260 --> 00:05:39,560
Yeah, and it's on the rebound.

169
00:05:39,628 --> 00:05:40,861
I'm not subjecting it to a night

170
00:05:40,929 --> 00:05:42,195
with a hot girl that I can't have.

171
00:05:42,263 --> 00:05:44,130
You can't holster
it for a friend?

172
00:05:44,198 --> 00:05:46,232
Please, Pierce
is barely a friend,

173
00:05:46,299 --> 00:05:48,266
and he's no more related
to Amber than you are,

174
00:05:48,334 --> 00:05:50,301
and he was a total jag
about shutting me down.

175
00:05:50,369 --> 00:05:52,603
- How much effort do I rate?
- For you?

176
00:05:52,670 --> 00:05:55,771
Um, I'd break a light sweat.

177
00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:57,272
Good, I need a favor.

178
00:05:57,340 --> 00:05:59,140
Help Pierce with his stepdaughter?

179
00:05:59,207 --> 00:06:01,808
You're becoming dangerous, Annie.

180
00:06:01,876 --> 00:06:03,276
It's those Doe eyes.

181
00:06:03,344 --> 00:06:04,543
Disappointing you is like

182
00:06:04,611 --> 00:06:06,778
choking the little mermaid
with a bike chain.

183
00:06:06,846 --> 00:06:09,513
Mm.

184
00:06:09,581 --> 00:06:12,849
[Gasps] Is this Nana Barnes?

185
00:06:12,916 --> 00:06:15,117
Troy didn't mention you
were such a knockout.

186
00:06:15,184 --> 00:06:17,085
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Oh...

187
00:06:17,153 --> 00:06:19,687
Come on, I'm sure you've broken
a few hearts in your time.

188
00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:21,088
Oh.

189
00:06:21,156 --> 00:06:24,858
Tell me, how many men do
you think I've laid with?

190
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,229
- Who are you?
- I am Britta.

191
00:06:29,297 --> 00:06:31,099
And I have offended you.

192
00:06:31,167 --> 00:06:34,306
And I am sorry. Is there
anything I can get you?

193
00:06:34,374 --> 00:06:35,709
Yes.

194
00:06:35,776 --> 00:06:37,911
You can get me a switch.
A what now?

195
00:06:37,979 --> 00:06:39,946
She's not family, Nana.

196
00:06:40,014 --> 00:06:41,414
You can't make her
get you a switch.

197
00:06:41,482 --> 00:06:44,617
She can make me get it,
I just have to know what it is.

198
00:06:44,684 --> 00:06:47,319
A switch is a stick she
can use to whup you with.

199
00:06:50,456 --> 00:06:53,724
Cherish, Britta. Cherish.

200
00:06:53,792 --> 00:06:55,125
[Laughing]

201
00:06:55,193 --> 00:06:57,061
Well, it was wonderful
meeting your brother.

202
00:06:57,128 --> 00:07:00,263
Adios, senor Chang.
Shalom, rabbi Chang.

203
00:07:00,330 --> 00:07:01,998
And to both of you, sayonara.

204
00:07:02,065 --> 00:07:04,133
Right? [laughing]

205
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,867
Don't go.

206
00:07:05,935 --> 00:07:08,670
- Senor Chang?
- Yeah.

207
00:07:08,737 --> 00:07:10,637
Ben, do you realize how
ridiculous that sounds?

208
00:07:10,705 --> 00:07:12,805
Okay, that is who I am.

209
00:07:12,873 --> 00:07:14,340
So drop it! - I'm dropping.

210
00:07:14,408 --> 00:07:15,475
I'm dropping!

211
00:07:15,543 --> 00:07:16,976
Whoa! Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

212
00:07:17,044 --> 00:07:19,579
Amber alert, you are
allergic to peanuts.

213
00:07:19,647 --> 00:07:21,848
That might be a
different stepkid.

214
00:07:21,915 --> 00:07:23,515
My flight actually leaves,
so let's...

215
00:07:23,583 --> 00:07:27,352
your flight actually leaves
after I tell you a story

216
00:07:27,420 --> 00:07:30,388
called "Pierce takes
on the school bully."

217
00:07:30,456 --> 00:07:33,224
Oh. [self-satisfied chuckling]

218
00:07:33,292 --> 00:07:35,659
- Are you a ninja?
- Oh, baby.

219
00:07:35,727 --> 00:07:36,760
Don't be rude.

220
00:07:36,828 --> 00:07:38,095
Oh, she's wearing a burka.

221
00:07:38,163 --> 00:07:39,930
It's a way for women to
express their modesty.

222
00:07:39,998 --> 00:07:41,131
They're like Islamic turtlenecks.

223
00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:42,866
Ask her if she wants
to play with us.

224
00:07:42,934 --> 00:07:46,669
[Speaking Arabic]

225
00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:52,140
Bouncy house.

226
00:07:56,311 --> 00:07:57,611
[Both speaking Arabic]

227
00:07:57,679 --> 00:07:58,879
That sounds heated.

228
00:07:58,947 --> 00:08:00,614
Did she call him a pig's
anus or something?

229
00:08:00,682 --> 00:08:02,183
[Speaking Arabic]

230
00:08:02,250 --> 00:08:04,952
She's saying she's old enough
to jump in a giant balloon.

231
00:08:05,019 --> 00:08:06,586
[Both speaking Arabic]

232
00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:11,390
She's saying he's overprotective.

233
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:12,624
Now she says he's a pig anus.

234
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:14,559
Mm, that fight made
me crave a hot dog.

235
00:08:14,627 --> 00:08:16,895
Stay put, boys. I'll be back.

236
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:18,396
Hey, give me.

237
00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:20,265
Agh!

238
00:08:20,332 --> 00:08:23,167
Hey. You are a bad mother.

239
00:08:23,235 --> 00:08:24,902
Control your children.

240
00:08:24,970 --> 00:08:28,606
I have to go back to my car
and get my emergency shirt.

241
00:08:28,673 --> 00:08:31,875
And I don't even like that shirt!

242
00:08:31,943 --> 00:08:33,443
Not only did he join a band,

243
00:08:33,511 --> 00:08:34,911
they got jealous and booted him.

244
00:08:34,979 --> 00:08:36,546
Get out.

245
00:08:36,613 --> 00:08:38,581
That's exactly what they said.

246
00:08:38,649 --> 00:08:42,851
Off to the bathroom. Stepdad.

247
00:08:42,919 --> 00:08:44,319
I've never been called "stepdad."

248
00:08:44,387 --> 00:08:45,787
I don't think anyone has.

249
00:08:45,855 --> 00:08:47,789
Listen, when she gets back...

250
00:08:47,856 --> 00:08:49,857
Come up with some reason why
you have to leave, okay?

251
00:08:49,925 --> 00:08:51,525
And I'll beg you to stay,
but you don't.

252
00:08:51,593 --> 00:08:52,993
In fact, why don't
you just leave now

253
00:08:53,061 --> 00:08:54,027
and cut our work in half?

254
00:08:54,095 --> 00:08:56,329
Good luck, buddy.

255
00:09:03,603 --> 00:09:04,903
You're leaving.

256
00:09:04,971 --> 00:09:08,272
My...Girlfriend... is pregnant.

257
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:09,606
Pierce said you were gay.

258
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:13,109
He... yep, as the sunrise.

259
00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:14,477
And I'm deeply ashamed.

260
00:09:14,545 --> 00:09:16,612
I'm just glad I have friends
like Pierce to keep...

261
00:09:20,383 --> 00:09:22,217
honest.

262
00:09:26,959 --> 00:09:28,292
This is slightly wrong.

263
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,325
- Too much tongue?
- Oh, just enough.

264
00:09:30,393 --> 00:09:32,060
But it's Pierce.

265
00:09:32,128 --> 00:09:34,062
You mean the guy who
decided he doesn't want men

266
00:09:34,129 --> 00:09:35,429
touching his ex-stepdaughter,

267
00:09:35,497 --> 00:09:37,364
but divorced my mom
for our housekeeper?

268
00:09:37,432 --> 00:09:39,399
Could be the same guy, yeah.

269
00:09:39,467 --> 00:09:43,903
Amber? Amber, there you are.

270
00:09:43,971 --> 00:09:45,070
Why are you here, Jeff?

271
00:09:45,138 --> 00:09:46,338
I go to school here, remember?

272
00:09:46,406 --> 00:09:47,739
[Chuckling] [clears throat]

273
00:09:47,807 --> 00:09:50,574
There's a Pictionary tournament
in the student lounge.

274
00:09:50,642 --> 00:09:52,343
Sounds fun. Is Jeff joining us?

275
00:09:52,410 --> 00:09:54,177
I don't know if he can. Can you?

276
00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:55,545
- I can't.
- No, come on.

277
00:09:55,613 --> 00:09:56,613
Stay. - Stay.

278
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:57,814
I can't.

279
00:09:57,882 --> 00:10:01,217
Maybe I shouldn't either.

280
00:10:01,285 --> 00:10:02,852
- Stay, would you?
- Do you think I should?

281
00:10:02,919 --> 00:10:04,053
I think you have to.

282
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,520
- I'll stay.
- Me too.

283
00:10:05,588 --> 00:10:07,822
[Chuckling] Oh, good, family day.

284
00:10:10,959 --> 00:10:12,460
No.

285
00:10:14,696 --> 00:10:15,863
- Whatcha doin'?
- Mm.

286
00:10:15,930 --> 00:10:18,198
Getting Nana a switch.

287
00:10:18,266 --> 00:10:20,233
Britta, stop pretending that

288
00:10:20,301 --> 00:10:21,401
my mean old Nana is awesome.

289
00:10:21,468 --> 00:10:23,002
I'm not pretending.

290
00:10:23,070 --> 00:10:24,270
I think it's cool that

291
00:10:24,337 --> 00:10:25,904
she's got her own
style of discipline.

292
00:10:25,972 --> 00:10:27,873
Nana's old school.

293
00:10:27,940 --> 00:10:30,341
Yeah, my mom told me there'd
be white people that did this.

294
00:10:30,409 --> 00:10:32,777
With pocket watches,
and coffee grinders,

295
00:10:32,844 --> 00:10:34,511
and pretending to
be into steam boats.

296
00:10:34,579 --> 00:10:37,114
But let's get this straight.

297
00:10:37,182 --> 00:10:40,617
This is real life.
My Nana's gonna whup you.

298
00:10:40,684 --> 00:10:43,719
Not unless I find her a switch.

299
00:10:43,787 --> 00:10:47,021
[Gasps]

300
00:10:47,089 --> 00:10:48,889
How about this?

301
00:10:48,957 --> 00:10:50,857
Yeah, that's a
great switch, Britta.

302
00:10:50,925 --> 00:10:52,859
Very hip. It should hurt a lot.

303
00:10:52,926 --> 00:10:55,393
Where's Elijah and Jordan, abed?

304
00:10:55,461 --> 00:10:57,129
Oh, what a surprise
that you lost them.

305
00:10:57,196 --> 00:10:58,797
- They're playing hide 'n' seek.
- Where?

306
00:10:58,865 --> 00:11:00,298
I don't think
that's how it works.

307
00:11:00,366 --> 00:11:01,699
Stop screwing around, abed.

308
00:11:01,767 --> 00:11:03,968
Hey, you want to yell at someone?

309
00:11:04,036 --> 00:11:06,470
Go find your crazy kids.
My boy's disciplined.

310
00:11:06,538 --> 00:11:08,472
It's not his job to... - all right!

311
00:11:08,540 --> 00:11:10,740
You got me, Gubi. I'm a bad mother.

312
00:11:10,808 --> 00:11:12,875
But at least I let my kids be kids,

313
00:11:12,943 --> 00:11:14,376
instead of acting
like a jail warden.

314
00:11:14,444 --> 00:11:15,711
Ah, you don't like a burka.

315
00:11:15,778 --> 00:11:17,279
I'm not talking about the burka.

316
00:11:17,346 --> 00:11:19,848
I'm talking about her
never having any fun.

317
00:11:19,916 --> 00:11:22,616
Now Abra, you look me in the eyes,
and you tell me...

318
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:26,118
Um...

319
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,419
I'm sorry.

320
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:28,920
I seem to have
forgotten the napkins.

321
00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:30,088
Do you mind?

322
00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:33,224
Fine. Now I'm the napkin man.

323
00:11:47,803 --> 00:11:49,237
Oh!

324
00:11:49,304 --> 00:11:51,005
Circle.

325
00:11:52,374 --> 00:11:53,507
Circle with a squiggly line.

326
00:11:53,575 --> 00:11:55,242
A squiggly line circle.

327
00:11:55,310 --> 00:11:56,910
You've... you did hear
me say "circle"?

328
00:11:58,746 --> 00:12:01,014
Smiling...Sideways vagina.

329
00:12:01,081 --> 00:12:03,515
- No.
- Happy...Sideways vagina.

330
00:12:03,583 --> 00:12:05,617
No.

331
00:12:05,685 --> 00:12:07,318
Happy face.

332
00:12:07,386 --> 00:12:08,619
And that's a clam?

333
00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:09,653
"As happy as a clam."

334
00:12:09,721 --> 00:12:10,920
Yes!

335
00:12:10,988 --> 00:12:12,722
"As happy as a clam"? What a...

336
00:12:12,789 --> 00:12:14,489
gay guess. Idiot.

337
00:12:14,557 --> 00:12:16,090
Pierce, you're up.

338
00:12:16,158 --> 00:12:18,892
Eat my dust, winger.

339
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:22,129
You do know we're
on the same team?

340
00:12:22,197 --> 00:12:24,765
Go!

341
00:12:26,334 --> 00:12:29,335
All right, here we go, uh...

342
00:12:33,172 --> 00:12:35,539
Look, I don't, uh...

343
00:12:35,607 --> 00:12:37,842
Pierce, you have to add more.
You have to draw more.

344
00:12:41,479 --> 00:12:42,680
Stop.

345
00:12:42,747 --> 00:12:44,582
Stop circling the same thing.

346
00:12:44,650 --> 00:12:47,785
Well, guess something,
you girlfriendless geek!

347
00:12:47,853 --> 00:12:49,854
What are you drawing?

348
00:12:49,922 --> 00:12:51,323
You're supposed to know, stupid.

349
00:12:51,391 --> 00:12:53,660
Relax...

350
00:12:53,728 --> 00:12:55,931
I'll get this.

351
00:12:55,999 --> 00:12:58,166
[Neck cracking]

352
00:12:58,234 --> 00:12:59,701
I think they'll
both drop charges,

353
00:12:59,769 --> 00:13:01,237
but we gotta take statements.

354
00:13:01,304 --> 00:13:02,338
It's gonna be a while.

355
00:13:02,405 --> 00:13:04,106
And I may just be a simple cop,

356
00:13:04,174 --> 00:13:05,641
but people need to know.

357
00:13:05,709 --> 00:13:07,242
This isn't gonna
stop until Pictionary

358
00:13:07,310 --> 00:13:09,177
bans the word "windmill."

359
00:13:09,245 --> 00:13:11,445
Pierce. We'll meet
you at the gala.

360
00:13:11,513 --> 00:13:12,713
We're gonna go get some coffee.

361
00:13:12,781 --> 00:13:16,148
Is "coffee" code for sex?

362
00:13:16,216 --> 00:13:17,582
Is it?

363
00:13:17,650 --> 00:13:19,217
Both: No.

364
00:13:19,284 --> 00:13:22,719
Nana, here's your switch.

365
00:13:22,787 --> 00:13:27,290
Bring it here.

366
00:13:27,358 --> 00:13:28,525
Oh, I'll make do.

367
00:13:28,593 --> 00:13:30,661
Okay. Let me have it.

368
00:13:30,729 --> 00:13:32,796
I ain't no nun. Bend over.

369
00:13:36,166 --> 00:13:38,668
Drop your pants and
get over my lap.

370
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:41,303
[Whispers] All you
have to do is walk away.

371
00:13:56,283 --> 00:13:59,219
What are you doing?
She's respecting her elders.

372
00:13:59,286 --> 00:14:01,221
See, Troy, did you
think I was a hypocrite?

373
00:14:01,288 --> 00:14:02,589
That I wouldn't really-
[Whipping noise]

374
00:14:02,656 --> 00:14:03,990
Okay, ow, that really...

375
00:14:04,058 --> 00:14:05,792
Whoo! Okay, that really...

376
00:14:05,860 --> 00:14:08,829
[crying]

377
00:14:08,896 --> 00:14:12,065
[Crying] I don't
understand you, Britta.

378
00:14:12,133 --> 00:14:16,269
I don't understand you at all.
Both: [sobbing]

379
00:14:16,337 --> 00:14:19,572
You know what?
Totally wrong room.

380
00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:20,874
Will you get the door? - Mm-hmm.

381
00:14:20,941 --> 00:14:24,310
[Screaming] - She's had enough!

382
00:14:24,378 --> 00:14:26,379
[Sobbing] She's had enough!

383
00:14:32,385 --> 00:14:35,186
Let's focus on you,
the forbidden fruit

384
00:14:35,254 --> 00:14:37,820
that is the ex-stepdaughter
of a casual acquaintance.

385
00:14:37,888 --> 00:14:39,821
Oh, oops. Don't wanna lose that.

386
00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:44,255
Why do you have a $25,
000 check from Pierce?

387
00:14:44,323 --> 00:14:46,955
Tuition, for fashion school.

388
00:14:47,022 --> 00:14:48,255
Not photography school?

389
00:14:48,323 --> 00:14:50,157
[Giggles]

390
00:14:50,225 --> 00:14:52,292
Mm, you caught me.

391
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,294
Uh, maybe I'll just buy a car.

392
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:56,095
You just do that, huh?

393
00:14:56,163 --> 00:14:57,596
Well, it helps that

394
00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,265
he's kind of desperate and stupid.

395
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,632
Did you wanna be a
good person right now?

396
00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:03,702
Or did you wanna be with me?

397
00:15:08,211 --> 00:15:10,612
Oh, there you are.
Thanks a lot, Pollyanna.

398
00:15:10,679 --> 00:15:12,913
You made me hang out with
Pierce and his stepdaughter.

399
00:15:12,981 --> 00:15:15,448
She's grifting him. - She's what?

400
00:15:15,516 --> 00:15:17,183
She's taking a bunch
of money from him.

401
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,984
He thinks it's for school,
but it's for...Grifting.

402
00:15:20,052 --> 00:15:21,686
Did you tell him?

403
00:15:21,753 --> 00:15:23,554
[Sighs] It's not that simple.

404
00:15:23,621 --> 00:15:26,122
It's not?

405
00:15:26,190 --> 00:15:28,122
Oh, my... Jeff!

406
00:15:28,189 --> 00:15:29,957
[Slaps] Gross!

407
00:15:30,024 --> 00:15:32,125
You're gross! You did it with her?

408
00:15:32,193 --> 00:15:34,861
Yeah, but not twice.
I wanted to do it twice.

409
00:15:34,928 --> 00:15:37,563
That's gross!
You met her this morning,

410
00:15:37,630 --> 00:15:40,932
you're faster than some bacteria.

411
00:15:40,999 --> 00:15:42,900
Are you just doing this
because Slater hurt you?

412
00:15:42,968 --> 00:15:44,669
What? No, I'm not hurt.

413
00:15:44,737 --> 00:15:46,004
And Amber threw herself at me.

414
00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:47,505
Well, you still
have to tell Pierce

415
00:15:47,573 --> 00:15:49,740
she's taking advantage of him,
don't you?

416
00:15:49,808 --> 00:15:54,077
Well, when you think about it,
nobody's getting hurt.

417
00:15:54,145 --> 00:15:56,279
Pierce is getting a daughter,
Amber's getting an allowance,

418
00:15:56,346 --> 00:15:58,280
I'm getting... well,
we already talked about it.

419
00:15:58,348 --> 00:15:59,948
But don't forget, this is Pierce.

420
00:16:00,016 --> 00:16:02,217
He's a racist,
homophobic, old goof.

421
00:16:02,284 --> 00:16:03,718
He does bad stuff all the time.

422
00:16:03,786 --> 00:16:06,353
Well, it sounds like you've
got it all figured out.

423
00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:10,055
So why are you talking
to me about it?

424
00:16:10,123 --> 00:16:11,256
Because... [sighs]

425
00:16:11,324 --> 00:16:13,959
You're...You know...

426
00:16:14,026 --> 00:16:15,727
- A decent person?
- Maybe.

427
00:16:15,795 --> 00:16:16,895
And you knew that
talking to me about it

428
00:16:16,962 --> 00:16:18,630
would make you feel
like a bad friend?

429
00:16:18,697 --> 00:16:20,331
And you wanted to feel
like a bad friend,

430
00:16:20,399 --> 00:16:22,066
because you wanna be a good friend?

431
00:16:22,134 --> 00:16:24,802
You really suck, you know that?

432
00:16:27,672 --> 00:16:30,373
[Electronic pulse] - Mm-mm-mm-mm.

433
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,608
Go get you and your brother
some ding dongs and calm down.

434
00:16:32,676 --> 00:16:34,943
- 'Sup?
- Oh, abed!

435
00:16:35,011 --> 00:16:36,445
Did your family take off? - Yeah.

436
00:16:36,513 --> 00:16:37,813
Thanks for distracting my dad

437
00:16:37,881 --> 00:16:39,281
while we helped Abra
get back in her burka.

438
00:16:39,349 --> 00:16:41,216
Well, if a young lady wants
to go in the bouncy house,

439
00:16:41,284 --> 00:16:42,384
she should go.

440
00:16:42,451 --> 00:16:43,785
It was a noble thing you did.

441
00:16:43,852 --> 00:16:45,019
Oh, I didn't do it.

442
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,354
No, it was Jordan
and Elijah's idea.

443
00:16:46,421 --> 00:16:47,855
They're good kids.

444
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:49,923
If they weren't, they
wouldn't be able to help Abra.

445
00:16:49,991 --> 00:16:52,292
I see why you were so
excited for me to meet them.

446
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,661
You should be proud of them.
You're a good mom.

447
00:16:54,728 --> 00:16:56,028
Oh, come on.

448
00:16:56,096 --> 00:16:57,263
[Tapping]

449
00:16:57,330 --> 00:16:58,330
Mm. - Hey, mom.

450
00:16:58,398 --> 00:16:59,464
Look what I got.

451
00:17:02,267 --> 00:17:03,501
Ding dongs are my favorite.

452
00:17:03,569 --> 00:17:05,302
[Soft band music]

453
00:17:05,369 --> 00:17:08,271
[Laughing] Pretty rough, huh?

454
00:17:08,339 --> 00:17:10,640
Mm, you were right.
Nana's a monster.

455
00:17:10,708 --> 00:17:12,308
What did you say?

456
00:17:12,376 --> 00:17:14,543
I said you were a monster, ma'am.

457
00:17:14,611 --> 00:17:18,680
And you said Troy was right.

458
00:17:18,748 --> 00:17:19,847
Get me a switch.

459
00:17:19,915 --> 00:17:22,649
Okay.

460
00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:27,921
Hey, stranger.

461
00:17:27,988 --> 00:17:29,889
Wanna pick up where we left off

462
00:17:29,957 --> 00:17:32,025
after I log some time
with Daddy Warbucks?

463
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:33,927
No, Amber.

464
00:17:33,994 --> 00:17:35,661
I thought about it.

465
00:17:35,729 --> 00:17:37,630
And what I want is for you
to tear up that check,

466
00:17:37,697 --> 00:17:39,331
and go dance with your stepdad.

467
00:17:39,399 --> 00:17:42,066
Are you trying to
get me to cut you in?

468
00:17:42,134 --> 00:17:43,468
You don't have leverage.

469
00:17:43,535 --> 00:17:46,370
If I walk over there and
tell him everything,

470
00:17:46,438 --> 00:17:47,604
guess who he'll forgive.

471
00:17:47,672 --> 00:17:49,072
You.

472
00:17:49,140 --> 00:17:51,374
But I'd rather be the bad guy
than watch you siphon him.

473
00:17:51,442 --> 00:17:52,708
How about this?

474
00:17:52,776 --> 00:17:55,410
I walk away,
and if the check clears

475
00:17:55,477 --> 00:17:58,279
I won't make problems for you.
I'll stay gone.

476
00:17:58,346 --> 00:18:00,147
Come back whenever you want.

477
00:18:00,215 --> 00:18:02,882
But be good to him when you do,
because I'll be around.

478
00:18:02,950 --> 00:18:04,684
And I'm his friend.

479
00:18:04,752 --> 00:18:07,720
And you can be his
stepdaughter...Or not.

480
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:13,625
Yeah. I'll take the 25 grand.

481
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:17,461
Over him, I'd take 25 cents.

482
00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:19,396
Bye.

483
00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:24,936
Oh, Jeff.

484
00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:27,371
Have you seen Amber? - Yeah.

485
00:18:27,438 --> 00:18:30,176
Listen, Pierce,
I gotta tell you something.

486
00:18:30,244 --> 00:18:31,978
She's not coming, is she?

487
00:18:32,046 --> 00:18:34,079
I wrote her a pretty big
check this afternoon.

488
00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:36,715
I had a feeling she might...
Take it and run.

489
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:37,848
You want me to
help you cancel it?

490
00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:40,183
Oh, hell, she earned it.

491
00:18:40,251 --> 00:18:43,185
You're lucky, Jeff.
It's not too late for you.

492
00:18:43,253 --> 00:18:46,687
Have a family, share your life.

493
00:18:46,755 --> 00:18:48,521
That and understanding computers

494
00:18:48,589 --> 00:18:52,090
are two things you just
can't knock out at the end.

495
00:18:52,158 --> 00:18:54,091
Pierce.

496
00:18:54,159 --> 00:18:56,326
Who did you call last week
after you farted on Vaughn?

497
00:18:56,393 --> 00:18:57,760
[Laughing] You.

498
00:18:57,828 --> 00:19:00,528
And who did abed call after
that squirrel stole his hot dog?

499
00:19:00,596 --> 00:19:03,297
- Me.
- That's sharing your life.

500
00:19:03,365 --> 00:19:05,600
If you have friends,
you have family.

501
00:19:09,104 --> 00:19:11,572
Jeffrey.

502
00:19:12,575 --> 00:19:15,043
Aw, come here, son.

503
00:19:22,218 --> 00:19:23,886
Are we hugging or dancing?

504
00:19:23,953 --> 00:19:26,022
You know, if the
roles were reversed,

505
00:19:26,090 --> 00:19:28,759
I would've had sex with
your ex-stepdaughter.

506
00:19:28,827 --> 00:19:30,361
I did.

507
00:19:32,397 --> 00:19:34,698
Chip off the old block.

508
00:19:34,766 --> 00:19:36,934
It was either that or deal
with your actual pain.

509
00:19:37,001 --> 00:19:39,169
What pain?

510
00:19:39,237 --> 00:19:40,771
12:00.

511
00:19:40,838 --> 00:19:44,174
Oh, are you kidding me?

512
00:19:47,844 --> 00:19:49,779
[Sniffles] - It's okay.

513
00:19:49,846 --> 00:19:51,847
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

514
00:19:51,915 --> 00:19:53,215
[Whimpering]

515
00:19:53,283 --> 00:19:54,917
Let it out, let it out.

516
00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:57,987
We always used to watch the
shows she wanted to watch.

517
00:19:58,055 --> 00:19:59,756
I hate glee.

518
00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:02,124
I'm not crazy about glee either.

519
00:20:02,192 --> 00:20:04,260
[Sobbing] I hate it.

520
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,329
I don't understand
the appeal at all.

521
00:20:09,754 --> 00:20:10,987
Why did we do this again?

522
00:20:11,055 --> 00:20:12,322
We thought it looked fun.

523
00:20:12,390 --> 00:20:13,890
Is your cell phone in your pocket?

524
00:20:13,958 --> 00:20:16,125
Yeah, but I can't reach it.
I can only move my right arm.

525
00:20:16,193 --> 00:20:17,760
Okay, there's money
already in there.

526
00:20:17,828 --> 00:20:19,429
Slide your arm through
that bottom slot,

527
00:20:19,496 --> 00:20:20,930
and press the buttons g-14.

528
00:20:20,997 --> 00:20:22,598
When the snack is selected,
the mechanical lever

529
00:20:22,666 --> 00:20:23,966
that's holding it will
be thrust forward,

530
00:20:24,034 --> 00:20:25,467
thereby knocking your cell
phone out of your pocket

531
00:20:25,535 --> 00:20:26,668
and into the receptacle below,

532
00:20:26,736 --> 00:20:27,835
where you can pick it
up and call for help.

533
00:20:27,903 --> 00:20:29,470
Here we go.

534
00:20:29,538 --> 00:20:31,238
[Groaning]

535
00:20:31,306 --> 00:20:34,308
[Whirring noise]

536
00:20:37,613 --> 00:20:38,746
Troy?

537
00:20:38,814 --> 00:20:40,383
I think I hit g-13.

538
00:20:40,384 --> 00:20:43,384
Sync by honeybunny corrected dny238