1
00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:05,970
Hey. Haven't seen you all day.
2
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:07,366
Hah. I've been really busy.
3
00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:10,202
Plus I had to find 30 extra chairs for
my classroom since it's Family Day.
4
00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:13,311
Oh. Speaking of, I was gonna invite
my mom so you could meet her
5
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:15,743
but, uh, she still thinks
I'm a lawyer.
6
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:17,644
Oh, look. A Human Being
has a little Human with it.
7
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,341
How bloodcurdlingly adorable.
8
00:00:19,552 --> 00:00:21,179
Jeff, we need to talk.
9
00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:22,855
What's wrong?
Are you breaking up with me?
10
00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:26,423
Oh. Heh-heh.
Maybe we don't need to talk.
11
00:00:27,727 --> 00:00:30,025
I'm so excited for everybody
to meet my sons.
12
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:32,357
Hope they're not twins. Twins freak me out.
They always know what
13
00:00:32,565 --> 00:00:33,589
the other one is... Yeah.
Thinking?
14
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,495
And finishing each other's...
Pie.
15
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:38,296
Exactly. It's creepy.
It's nice spending time with them.
16
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:40,871
I don't get to see them that much
since I started school.
17
00:00:41,074 --> 00:00:44,510
My sister likes to joke they don't recognize me
anymore, and I like to joke she's just jealous
18
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,576
because she's barren.
Hmm.
19
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:48,839
My dad's bringing cousin Abra.
She's visiting from Gaza.
20
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,017
Does she look like you,
but in a wig and lipstick?
21
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:52,445
No, that's Halle Berry.
22
00:00:52,652 --> 00:00:56,088
Abra wears a full burka in public so she just looks
like someone covered head to toe in black fabric.
23
00:00:56,289 --> 00:00:59,281
I can't believe my grandma's
rolling her old bones down here.
24
00:00:59,492 --> 00:01:01,187
I gotta pick a cabinet to hide in.
25
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:03,624
You hide from her?
Yeah, she's crazy.
26
00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:08,394
Troy. Society programs us to dispose
of the elderly because they don't work
27
00:01:08,601 --> 00:01:11,729
or buy things, but don't be blind
to your grandmother's value.
28
00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:14,463
You need to cherish her.
You cherish her.
29
00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:17,142
I'm sure I will.
She's not gonna be around forever.
30
00:01:17,343 --> 00:01:20,608
I wanna believe you're right, Britta,
but you never quite are, are you?
31
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:24,178
Sorry, I'm late.
Was somebody canoodling
32
00:01:24,384 --> 00:01:25,783
with a certain professor?
33
00:01:26,386 --> 00:01:28,752
Actually, no. She dumped me.
34
00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:33,225
Oh, no, that's so sad.
I'll give Jeff a shoulder to cry on.
35
00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:35,417
You boys put a dead bird
in that bitch's glove compartment.
36
00:01:35,628 --> 00:01:37,220
Got it.
Guys, guys, sit.
37
00:01:38,331 --> 00:01:40,128
Shirley, I don't need to cry. I'm fine.
38
00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:43,063
Jeff, we're your friends.
Let it all out.
39
00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:44,759
There's nothing to let out.
40
00:01:44,971 --> 00:01:47,030
I'm just glad I didn't have to do
the dumping.
41
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,232
Then I'd have to lay low
for three weeks to look sensitive.
42
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:53,435
To avoid questions of overlap,
but as the dumpee, heh,
43
00:01:53,646 --> 00:01:55,614
I can start making out
with every girl
44
00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:58,682
on campus now and all anyone
will feel for me is sorry.
45
00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:00,417
Ew. Not anymore.
46
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,019
Your heart's desensitized, Jeff.
47
00:02:02,222 --> 00:02:04,816
You're like a machine.
It feels no love, just sex.
48
00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:06,924
You're like the Booty-nator.
49
00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:09,928
You know, Booty-nator?
Like "I'll be back," but with booty.
50
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,098
Why would Booty-nator be back
with booty?
51
00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:13,458
Wouldn't he just try and kill it?
52
00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:15,531
Well, maybe he kills it,
then brings it back as a trophy.
53
00:02:15,735 --> 00:02:18,169
Why would he want dead booty?
I want Pirate's Booty.
54
00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:19,668
Because you're hungry?
Guys.
55
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:24,140
I'll be back, but with booty.
Yeah.
56
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:25,705
That's beneath you.
Gross.
57
00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:30,575
Well, you're too gorgeous
to be a teacher
58
00:02:30,783 --> 00:02:33,081
and you're too happy
to be a student.
59
00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:35,117
Take me
to where your car broke down.
60
00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:38,950
I'm here for Family Day.
I'm looking for my family.
61
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:42,026
Oh. Well, at the very least,
I could fill in for a creepy uncle.
62
00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:43,559
Jeff.
Amber.
63
00:02:43,763 --> 00:02:45,025
There she is.
64
00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:47,131
Look at you, all grown up.
65
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,398
Jeff, this is my stepdaughter, Amber.
Small world.
66
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:54,369
No, actually, it's a very big world with
5 billion other women in it. Heh-heh.
67
00:02:54,574 --> 00:02:55,973
Good luck.
68
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,973
Come on, I'll show you around.
69
00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:06,684
I'm back.
Without booty.
70
00:03:06,886 --> 00:03:08,717
Now I feel sorry for you.
71
00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:24,159
Hands in the air.
Homeland Security.
72
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,170
Boys, leave that man alone.
73
00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:27,695
Orange alert. Orange alert.
74
00:03:27,907 --> 00:03:29,169
Sorry. They're just excited.
75
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,366
You're, uh, Abed's father?
I'm Shirley.
76
00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:35,844
And that's Elijah like the prophet and
Jordan like the 14-time NBA All-Star.
77
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:38,281
Gubi Nadir.
Is it how you say hello?
78
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,185
That's my name.
79
00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:43,685
Oh! I'm sorry, you...
You're like a black ghost.
80
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,414
This is my cousin, Abra.
81
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:48,019
Greetings.
82
00:03:48,361 --> 00:03:49,988
Over the course
of seven marriages,
83
00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:54,064
I amassed some 32 stepchildren
and obviously, Amber's my favorite.
84
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:56,565
Yeah, there was something
about his mass e-mails
85
00:03:56,769 --> 00:04:00,000
that made me certain
this would be a family reunion.
86
00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:02,000
It sure is, sweetie.
87
00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:04,608
She's going to photography school.
Oh, sounds interesting.
88
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:05,800
Keep it in your pants.
89
00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:09,846
You're embarrassing yourself. She
may be hot, but she's my princess.
90
00:04:10,049 --> 00:04:12,244
Step princess.
91
00:04:12,652 --> 00:04:14,449
Okay. Family Day.
92
00:04:14,954 --> 00:04:16,546
Let's see what we got here.
93
00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:20,624
Wow. I can't believe Star-Burns
isn't a virgin.
94
00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:23,955
But judging from that Bluetooth
headset, his son is. Ch-chang!
95
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:26,328
Winger.
96
00:04:26,532 --> 00:04:27,760
Too cool for family?
97
00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:30,401
Everyone here is my family.
Oh...
98
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,468
Weak.
Cute.
99
00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:34,367
Where's your family, El Tigre?
Ugh.
100
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:36,405
My older brother
will be at the barbecue.
101
00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:40,409
And it's none of your business,
but I ate my twin in utero.
102
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,910
Oh.
Hey, Phantom Menace.
103
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,107
How's the trade embargo
with the Naboo?
104
00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:48,685
Anyway, oh, looks like Pierce
broke the piggy bank
105
00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:50,515
at the escort service this time.
106
00:04:50,723 --> 00:04:52,190
Hey, duck sauce. That was rude.
107
00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:57,022
The call girls I frequent are not nearly
as attractive as my daughter.
108
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,993
Stepdaughter.
109
00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:02,133
Technically, ex-stepdaughter.
110
00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:06,130
You know, your mother April...
Mm-hm. Wanda, her name's...
111
00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:08,170
Was it Wanda? Yes.
Yes.
112
00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:10,569
I need one sec. Excuse me.
113
00:05:10,777 --> 00:05:12,608
Uh, Jeff, Jeff. Uh...
114
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,279
Cards on the table, Jeff.
115
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,142
Amber's the best shot
I'll ever have
116
00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:20,719
at something like a real daughter
and I'm striking out.
117
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,013
Have you told her
she's prettier than a hooker?
118
00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:24,780
If you come to the barbecue...
119
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,822
I know you'd never think
of touching her.
120
00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:30,462
Maybe you could say
a couple cool things about me.
121
00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:34,121
You want me to wingman you
with your ex-stepdaughter?
122
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,700
I'm sorry. I got a thing.
123
00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:39,627
You have a thing?
124
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,204
Yeah, and it's on the rebound.
125
00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:43,898
I'm not subjecting it to a night
with a hot girl that I can't have.
126
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:45,839
You can't holster it for a friend?
127
00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:47,672
Please, Pierce is barely a friend.
128
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,711
He's no more related to Amber
than you are,
129
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:52,009
and was a total jag
about shutting me down.
130
00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:54,311
How much effort do I rate?
For you?
131
00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:57,483
Um, I'd break a light sweat.
132
00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:58,952
Good, I need a favor.
133
00:05:59,158 --> 00:06:00,853
Help Pierce with his stepdaughter?
134
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:03,524
You're becoming dangerous, Annie.
135
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:04,890
It's those doe eyes.
136
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:08,499
Disappointing you is like choking
the Little Mermaid with a bike chain.
137
00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:14,569
Is this Nana Barnes?
138
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:16,833
Troy didn't mention
you were such a knockout.
139
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,977
What's that supposed to mean?
Oh. Come on.
140
00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:21,408
I'm sure you've broken a few hearts
in your time.
141
00:06:21,614 --> 00:06:22,638
Oh.
142
00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:23,907
Tell me.
143
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:26,517
How many men
do you think I've laid with?
144
00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:31,055
Who are you?
I am Britta.
145
00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:33,817
And I have offended you
and I am sorry.
146
00:06:34,026 --> 00:06:35,459
Is there anything I can get you?
147
00:06:36,095 --> 00:06:37,426
Yes.
148
00:06:37,630 --> 00:06:39,621
You can get me a switch.
A what now?
149
00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:43,127
She's not family, Nana.
You can't make her get a switch.
150
00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:46,032
She can make me get it.
I just have to know what it is.
151
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,969
A switch is a stick she can use
to whoop you with.
152
00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:55,474
Cherish, Britta. Cherish.
153
00:06:55,681 --> 00:06:58,707
Heh. Well, it was wonderful
meeting your brother.
154
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:01,785
Adios, Señor Chang,
shalom, Rabbi Chang,
155
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,717
and to both of you, sayonara.
156
00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:07,353
Don't go.
157
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,084
Señor Chang?
158
00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:12,657
Ben, do you realize
how ridiculous that sounds?
159
00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:15,163
Okay, that is who I am. So drop it.
160
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:17,165
Dropping. I'm dropping.
161
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:21,306
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Amber alert.
You are allergic to peanuts.
162
00:07:21,507 --> 00:07:23,941
That might be a different step kid.
163
00:07:24,143 --> 00:07:25,235
My flight actually leaves so...
164
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:30,178
Your flight actually leaves
after I tell you a story called:
165
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,112
Pierce Takes On The School Bully.
166
00:07:33,686 --> 00:07:36,246
Heh.
Are you a ninja
167
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,583
Oh, baby. Don't be rude.
168
00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:39,780
Uh, she's wearing a burka.
169
00:07:39,992 --> 00:07:41,721
It's a way women to
express their modesty.
170
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:45,489
They're like Islamic turtlenecks.
Ask her if she wants to play with us.
171
00:07:53,105 --> 00:07:54,936
Bouncy house.
172
00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:02,378
Sounds heated.
Did she call him a pig's anus or something?
173
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,685
She's saying she's old
enough to jump in a giant balloon.
174
00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:10,279
She's saying he's overprotective.
175
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,759
Now she says he's a pig anus.
176
00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:16,292
That fight made me crave a hot dog.
177
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,623
Stay put, boys. I'll be right back.
178
00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:24,899
Look at them.
You are a bad mother.
179
00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:26,128
Control your children.
180
00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:29,905
I have to go back to my car
and get my emergency shirt.
181
00:08:30,376 --> 00:08:32,139
And I don't even like that shirt.
182
00:08:33,613 --> 00:08:36,639
Not only did he join a band,
they got jealous and booted him.
183
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:37,873
Get out.
184
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:40,177
Heh-heh.
That's exactly what they said.
185
00:08:40,386 --> 00:08:43,253
Off to the bathroom, Stepdad.
186
00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:47,519
I've never been called Stepdad.
I don't think anyone has.
187
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:51,390
Listen, when she gets back, come up with
some reason why you have to leave, okay?
188
00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:53,224
I'll beg you to stay, but you don't.
189
00:08:53,432 --> 00:08:55,764
In fact, why don't you just leave now.
Cut our work in half.
190
00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:57,196
Good luck, buddy.
191
00:09:05,511 --> 00:09:10,005
You're leaving?
My girlfriend is pregnant.
192
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,548
Pierce said you were gay.
He...
193
00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:14,845
Yup. As the sunrise.
194
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:16,214
And I'm deeply ashamed.
195
00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:19,323
I'm just glad I have friends like Pierce
to keep me...
196
00:09:22,261 --> 00:09:23,819
Honest.
197
00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:30,967
This is slightly wrong.
198
00:09:31,170 --> 00:09:32,865
Too much tongue?
Just enough.
199
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:34,403
But it... It's Pierce.
200
00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:36,541
You mean the guy who decided
he doesn't want men
201
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:40,075
touching his ex-stepdaughter, but
divorced Mom for our housekeeper?
202
00:09:40,279 --> 00:09:41,644
Could be the same guy, yeah.
203
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:43,405
Amber?
204
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:46,345
Amber, there you are.
205
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:50,184
Why are you here, Jeff?
I go to school here, remember?
206
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:53,290
Ahem. There's a Pictionary
tournament in the student lounge.
207
00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:55,050
Sounds fun. Is Jeff joining us?
208
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,821
I don't know if he can, can you?
I can't.
209
00:09:58,030 --> 00:09:59,292
Oh. Come on, stay.
Stay.
210
00:09:59,498 --> 00:10:01,659
I can't.
Maybe I shouldn't, either.
211
00:10:04,036 --> 00:10:05,560
Stay, Jeff.
You think I should?
212
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:06,760
I think you have to.
213
00:10:06,973 --> 00:10:08,406
I'll stay.
Me too.
214
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,473
Ha-ha. Good Family Day.
215
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:18,777
What are you doing?
216
00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:21,283
Getting Nana a switch.
217
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:24,217
Britta, stop pretending that
my mean old nana is awesome.
218
00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:25,685
I'm not pretending.
219
00:10:25,891 --> 00:10:28,655
I think it's cool that she's got
her own style of discipline.
220
00:10:28,861 --> 00:10:30,294
Nana's old school.
221
00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:33,158
Yeah, my mom told me there'd
be white people that did this.
222
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,425
With the pocket watches
and coffee grinders,
223
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,432
and pretending
to be into steamboats.
224
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,662
But let's get this straight.
225
00:10:39,872 --> 00:10:41,339
This is real life.
226
00:10:41,540 --> 00:10:43,371
My Nana is gonna whoop you.
227
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:46,272
Not unless I find her a switch.
228
00:10:49,715 --> 00:10:51,307
How about this?
229
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,314
Yeah, that's a great switch, Britta.
230
00:10:53,519 --> 00:10:55,544
Very hip. Should hurt a lot.
231
00:10:55,755 --> 00:10:57,450
Uh, where's Elijah and Jordan?
Uh, Abed?
232
00:10:58,090 --> 00:10:59,853
Oh, what a surprise
that you lost them.
233
00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:01,321
They're playing hide and seek.
234
00:11:01,527 --> 00:11:02,994
Uh, where?
I don't think that's how it works.
235
00:11:03,195 --> 00:11:04,389
Stop screwing around, Abed.
236
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:07,794
Hey, you want to yell at someone?
Go find your crazy kids.
237
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,161
My boy is disciplined.
It's not his job...
238
00:11:10,369 --> 00:11:13,463
All right, you got me, Gubi.
I'm a bad mother.
239
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:17,070
I let my kids be kids instead
of acting like a jail warden.
240
00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:20,006
Ah. You don't like her burka?
I'm not talking about the burka.
241
00:11:20,212 --> 00:11:22,305
I'm talking about her
never having any fun.
242
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:25,245
Now Abra, you look me in the eyes
and you tell me...
243
00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:27,708
Um...
244
00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:31,716
I'm sorry. I seemed to have forgotten
the napkins.
245
00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:34,518
Do... Do you mind?
Fine.
246
00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:35,887
Now I'm the napkin man.
247
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:51,938
Oh.
Uh-huh.
248
00:11:52,144 --> 00:11:53,668
Circle.
249
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,848
Circle with a squiggly line.
250
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:58,107
Uh... Squiggly line circle.
251
00:11:58,317 --> 00:11:59,579
You... You did hear me say circle.
252
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:04,521
Smiling sideways vagina.
No.
253
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:07,215
Happy sideways vagina.
No.
254
00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:10,052
Happy face.
255
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:11,354
And that's a clam?
256
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,623
As happy as a clam.
Yes.
257
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:16,631
As happy as a clam?
What a gay guess.
258
00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:18,804
Idiot.
Pierce, you're up.
259
00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:21,597
Eat my dust, Winger.
260
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:24,207
You do know
we're on the same team?
261
00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:25,634
Go.
262
00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:28,243
Uh...
263
00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:30,443
All right, here we go. Uh...
264
00:12:30,649 --> 00:12:31,980
Let's see.
265
00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:37,648
Look, I don't, uh...
266
00:12:38,057 --> 00:12:40,218
Pierce you have to add more.
Draw more.
267
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:47,466
Stop.
Stop circling the same thing.
268
00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:50,499
Well, guess something,
you girlfriendless geek.
269
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:53,934
What are you drawing?
You're supposed to know, stupid.
270
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:55,732
Relax.
271
00:12:56,308 --> 00:12:57,570
I'll get this.
272
00:13:01,046 --> 00:13:03,708
I think they'll both drop charges,
but we gotta take statements.
273
00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:05,008
It's gonna be a while.
274
00:13:05,217 --> 00:13:08,152
And I may just be a simple cop,
but people need to know.
275
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:11,846
This isn't gonna stop until Pictionary
bans the word windmill.
276
00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:15,421
Pierce, we'll meet you at the gala.
We're gonna go get you some coffee.
277
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,152
Is coffee code for sex?
278
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,287
Is it?
279
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:21,924
No.
280
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:26,469
Nana, here's your switch.
Bring it here.
281
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:31,268
I'll make do.
282
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:33,377
Okay. Let me have it.
283
00:13:33,579 --> 00:13:35,479
I ain't no nun. Bend over.
284
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,378
Drop your pants
and get over my lap.
285
00:13:42,087 --> 00:13:43,987
All you have to do is walk away.
286
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:01,973
What are you doing?
She's respecting her elders.
287
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:04,039
See Troy?
Did you think I was a hypocrite?
288
00:14:04,243 --> 00:14:06,541
That I wouldn't really...
Okay, that really...
289
00:14:06,745 --> 00:14:08,303
Oh! Okay, that really...
290
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:13,575
I don't understand you, Britta.
291
00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:17,620
I don't understand you at all.
292
00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:21,415
You know what?
293
00:14:21,627 --> 00:14:23,492
Totally wrong room.
Will you get the door?
294
00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:27,155
Uh... She's had enough.
295
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:29,061
Oh... She's had enough.
296
00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:37,674
Let's focus on you,
the forbidden fruit
297
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,209
that is the ex-stepdaughter
of a casual acquaintance.
298
00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:43,472
Oh, oops. Don't wanna lose that.
299
00:14:44,516 --> 00:14:47,007
Why do you have a $25,000
check from Pierce?
300
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,714
Tuition for fashion school.
301
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:51,014
Not photography school?
302
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:55,092
You caught me.
303
00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:57,057
Uh... Maybe I'll just buy a car.
304
00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:58,862
And you can just do that, huh?
305
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:01,828
Well, it helps that he's
kind of desperate and stupid.
306
00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:05,470
Did you wanna be a good person right
now or did you wanna be with me?
307
00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:13,100
Oh, there you are.
308
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:14,506
Thanks a lot, Pollyanna.
309
00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:16,943
You made me hang out with Pierce
and his stepdaughter.
310
00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:19,174
She's grifting him.
She's what?
311
00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:20,875
She's taking a bunch
of money from him.
312
00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:24,180
He thinks it's for school,
but it's for grifting.
313
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:26,381
Did you tell him?
314
00:15:26,725 --> 00:15:28,955
It's not that simple.
It's not?
315
00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:32,387
Oh, my... Jeff.
316
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:35,089
Gross. You're gross.
317
00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:37,462
You did it with her?
Yeah, but not twice.
318
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:38,898
I wanted to do it twice.
319
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:40,196
That's gross.
320
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:44,934
You met her this morning.
You're faster than some bacteria.
321
00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:46,941
Are you just doing this
because Slater hurt you?
322
00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:48,909
What? No, I'm not hurt.
323
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:50,274
And Amber threw herself at me.
324
00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:53,781
Well, you still have to tell Pierce that
she's taking advantage of him, don't you?
325
00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:57,854
Well, when you think about it,
nobody's getting hurt.
326
00:15:58,057 --> 00:16:01,049
Pierce is getting a daughter, Amber's
getting an allowance, I'm getting...
327
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:03,990
We already talked about it.
But don't forget this is Pierce.
328
00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:06,130
He's a racist, homophobic old goof.
329
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:07,765
He does bad stuff all the time.
330
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,367
Well, it sounds like you've got it
all figured out,
331
00:16:10,569 --> 00:16:12,537
so why are you talking to me
about it?
332
00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:16,098
Because you're...
333
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:17,867
You know.
334
00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:19,772
A decent person?
Maybe.
335
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,743
And you knew talking to me about it
would make you feel like a bad friend.
336
00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:26,714
You wanted to feel like a bad friend
because you wanna be a good friend?
337
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,819
You really suck, you know that?
338
00:16:33,258 --> 00:16:35,988
Mm, mm, mm! Go get you and your brother
some Ding Dongs and calm down.
339
00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:37,389
Okay.
340
00:16:37,596 --> 00:16:39,894
What's up?
Oh. Abed, did your family take off?
341
00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:43,330
Yeah. Thanks for distracting my dad while
we helped Abra get back in her burka.
342
00:16:43,535 --> 00:16:46,299
Well, if a young lady wants to go
in a bouncy house, she should go.
343
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,905
It was a noble thing you did.
Oh, I didn't do it.
344
00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:51,872
No, it was Jordan and Elijah's idea.
They're good kids.
345
00:16:52,077 --> 00:16:53,840
If they weren't,
they wouldn't help Abra.
346
00:16:54,046 --> 00:16:56,344
I see why you were so excited
for me to meet them.
347
00:16:56,548 --> 00:16:57,810
You should be proud of them.
348
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,076
You're a good mom.
Oh. Come on.
349
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,483
Hey, Mom. Look what I got.
350
00:17:06,392 --> 00:17:07,552
Ding Dongs, my favorite.
351
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,229
Mm.
Ha-ha.
352
00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:12,488
Pretty rough, huh?
Mm.
353
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:13,687
You were right.
354
00:17:13,899 --> 00:17:16,367
Nana is a monster.
What did you say?
355
00:17:16,568 --> 00:17:18,593
I said you were a monster, ma'am.
356
00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:21,932
And you said Troy was right.
357
00:17:22,808 --> 00:17:23,934
Get me a switch.
358
00:17:24,576 --> 00:17:26,066
Okay.
359
00:17:30,315 --> 00:17:32,044
Hey, stranger.
360
00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:33,809
Wanna pick up where we left off
361
00:17:34,019 --> 00:17:36,112
after I log some time
with Daddy Warbucks?
362
00:17:36,321 --> 00:17:38,448
No, Amber. Uh...
363
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,921
I thought about it and what I want
is for you to tear up that check
364
00:17:42,127 --> 00:17:44,027
and go dance with your stepdad.
365
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,254
Are you trying to get me
to cut you in?
366
00:17:46,465 --> 00:17:47,557
You don't have leverage.
367
00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:50,161
If I walk over there
and tell him everything,
368
00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:51,961
guess who he'll forgive.
369
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:55,436
You, but I'd rather be the bad guy
than watch you siphon him.
370
00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:56,630
How about this?
371
00:17:56,842 --> 00:18:01,074
I walk away and if the check clears,
I won't make problems for you.
372
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,440
I'll stay gone.
373
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,115
Come back whenever you want,
374
00:18:04,316 --> 00:18:06,978
but be good to him when you do
because I'll be around.
375
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:08,778
I'm his friend.
376
00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:11,748
And you can be his stepdaughter,
or not.
377
00:18:14,993 --> 00:18:15,982
Yeah.
378
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:17,719
I'll take the 25 grand.
379
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:21,559
Over him, I'd take 25 cents.
380
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,132
Bye.
381
00:18:26,305 --> 00:18:28,068
Oh, Jeff. Heh.
382
00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:31,538
Have you seen Amber?
Yeah.
383
00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:34,268
Listen, Pierce. Uh...
I gotta tell you something.
384
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:35,845
She's not coming, is she?
385
00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:38,107
I wrote her a pretty big check
this afternoon.
386
00:18:38,317 --> 00:18:40,808
I had a feeling
she might take it and run.
387
00:18:41,019 --> 00:18:44,182
You want me to help you cancel it?
Oh, hell, she earned it.
388
00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:47,451
You're lucky, Jeff.
It's not too late for you.
389
00:18:47,659 --> 00:18:50,787
Have a family. Share your life.
390
00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:53,226
That and understanding computers
are two things
391
00:18:53,432 --> 00:18:56,162
you just can't knock out
at the end.
392
00:18:57,002 --> 00:19:00,768
Pierce, who did you call last week
after you farted on Vaughn?
393
00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:02,700
Ha-ha. You.
And who did Abed call
394
00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:04,967
after that squirrel
stole his hotdog?
395
00:19:05,177 --> 00:19:07,236
Me.
That's sharing your life.
396
00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:09,607
If you have friends, you have family.
397
00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:15,047
Jeffrey.
398
00:19:17,022 --> 00:19:18,751
Come here, son.
399
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:27,961
Are we hugging or dancing?
400
00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:29,800
You know,
if the roles were reversed,
401
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,937
I would have had sex
with your ex-stepdaughter.
402
00:19:33,138 --> 00:19:34,366
I did.
403
00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:38,434
Chip off the old block.
404
00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:41,010
It was either that
or deal with your actual pain.
405
00:19:41,213 --> 00:19:43,010
What pain?
406
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:44,943
Twelve o'clock.
407
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:46,715
Oh, are you kidding me? l...
408
00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:55,857
It's okay, it's okay.
409
00:19:57,095 --> 00:19:58,255
Let it out.
410
00:19:58,463 --> 00:20:02,695
We always used to watch the shows
she wanted to watch.
411
00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:06,232
I hate Glee.
I'm not crazy about Glee, either.
412
00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:08,338
I hate it.
413
00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:10,708
I don't understand the appeal at all.
414
00:20:16,615 --> 00:20:17,809
Why did we do this again?
415
00:20:18,016 --> 00:20:20,678
We thought it looked fun.
Is your cell phone in your pocket?
416
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,719
Yeah, but I can't reach it.
I can only move my right arm.
417
00:20:23,922 --> 00:20:25,184
Okay. There's money
already in there.
418
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:27,950
Slide your arm through that bottom
slot and press the button G-14.
419
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,856
When a snack is selected, the mechanical lever
that's holding it will be thrust forward,
420
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,623
thereby knocking your cell phone out of
your pocket and into the receptacle below.
421
00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:35,561
We could pick it up and call for help.
422
00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:36,825
Here we go.
423
00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:45,670
Troy?
424
00:20:45,877 --> 00:20:48,277
I think I hit G-13.