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[###]
2
00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:05,535
PELTON:
Good morning, Greendale.
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As you know,
it is April Fools' Day.
4
00:00:07,774 --> 00:00:10,334
Just kidding. It's the day before April Fools.
See what I did there...
5
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Baba booey, baba booey,
baba booey
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You know what, Leonard?
Strike two.
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[###]
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PELTON: Anyway, just
reminding you to keep
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00:00:18,651 --> 00:00:21,176
any April Fools pranks
physically safe,
10
00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:23,948
politically balanced
and racially accessible.
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00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:27,456
When in doubt, check the guidelines
in our college pranks literature.
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00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:31,027
Guidelines
for school-sanctioned pranks.
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Hmm. Reminds me
of my favorite college comedy.
14
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Oh, uh, which one?
15
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Exactly.
TROY: See, the dean doesn't get it.
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The point of a practical joke is
to shake up the system.
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For example,
who wants some of these?
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Cool, yeah.
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Looking for something?
Nice.
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Oh. They allow volunteers
for campus security during times
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of heightened shenanigans.
Oh.
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I wanna be security.
Ooh. Let's do it together.
23
00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:57,912
We can be partners.
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That's a buddy cop movie
I would watch. But I wonder,
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Which of you would be by the book?
Which of you would be the badass?
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Oh, Abed, you're so silly.
I would be the badass.
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Greetings, mortals.
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Morning. Snake in a can?
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Uh... No, thanks. I'm fasting.
30
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My Buddhist church is having
its annual ascension ceremony,
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and I will be becoming
a level-six laser lotus.
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I know. I was speechless too.
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Anyway, I have to detoxify
for the ceremony.
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I get all the nutrients I need
with saltwater and honey.
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[SPITS THEN COUGHS]
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It's better if it goes down
the wrong pipe.
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So, what happens in level six?
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Well, nobody in my hive
has ever seen a six,
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but, uh, from what I hear,
I'll have immunity to germs,
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a heightened psychic ability
and improved night vision.
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Any bonuses to your combat score?
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I assume I'll fight better
if I can see more, heh, dumb-ass.
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Hey, Pierce, I just remembered.
Right before you got here,
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some guy was delivering
level-six ceremonial robes?
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What? Why didn't you tell me?
46
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Maybe if you run you can catch him.
Way to use your brain, Winger.
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Abed, how fast can
you run to the Theater Department?
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Thirty-seven seconds.
Don't come back
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00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:15,893
without something ridiculous. Go.
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Guys, you realize you're exploiting
the naiveté of a man
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who is being brainwashed
by a cult.
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Well, it sounds a lot less fun
when you say it.
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Everything does. She's a buzz kill.
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I'm not a buzz kill.
SHIRLEY & ANNIE: Hmm.
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Yeah, that doesn't really describe it.
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You're more of a fun-vampire,
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because you don't suck blood,
you just suck.
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He wasn't there.
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Oh, I think Abed found him.
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Hey, give me.
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[###]
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[PIERCE GASPS]
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It's amazing. Wow.
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It is absolutely gorgeous.
How do I look?
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May I?
Yeah.
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Magical.
Great. Heh.
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[LAUGHS]
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Of course, the only one
who doesn't like this is Britta.
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You ever get tired of being
a buzz kill?
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[THE 88'S "AT LEAST
IT WAS HERE" PLAYING]
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This is gonna be exciting, ladies.
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I hereby deputize you
as campus security for 48 hours.
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Your windbreakers.
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[PELTON HUMMING]
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Your whistles.
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[HUMMING]
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Oh. Oh. Okay. Uh...
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[HUMMING]
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Okay. Now I only have
the one pepper spray.
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It's mine. But I'll just get my groceries
in a better neighborhood this week.
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I'll carry it.
Oh.
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Between the two of us,
I'm sort of the badass.
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You are? Uh...
H-how do you figure?
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I don't know, Shirley.
How did you figure I wasn't?
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I guess I didn't figure because I was
too busy being the obvious badass.
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Sounds like we're both
pretty convinced.
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I guess we'll find out
once we're on the job.
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Hmm. I guess we will.
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00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:01,601
I'm sorry, what is going on here?
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ABED:
A twist on a classic formula.
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Normally, with buddy cops, one's a
straight-laced stickler, the other's a renegade.
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But these two have equal claim
to both roles.
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00:04:09,148 --> 00:04:10,376
And why are you here?
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00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,175
Short answer?
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My cable went out.
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[###]
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00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:18,515
Hey, can I run something by you?
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00:04:18,725 --> 00:04:20,955
I was thinking of pulling
a little prank tonight.
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All right. April Fools prank.
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So you know how they have
live frogs in the anatomy lab?
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00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:29,327
Oh, yeah.
So I was gonna sneak in there,
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get a frog, and then tomorrow when
Señor Chang's class is coming in,
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there will be a frog on his desk
wearing...
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Tada.
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Oh, you're done.
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Did you read the hat?
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"Señor Chang."
Yeah.
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Oh, you don't get it.
I guess I don't.
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The frog is Chang.
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Okay, I did get it. It's funny.
I know it's funny.
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Oh, wait, I forgot.
It's not your kind of joke.
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It's not at anyone's expense.
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Britta, why waste your time
envying my gift for levity?
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When there's so much you could be doing
with your natural talent for severity.
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You know what? My prank is
gonna cause a sea of laughter,
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and I'm gonna watch you
drown in it.
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Thattagirl.
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Seven.
That's right.
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Jeff, I can read minds.
No way.
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What color am I thinking of?
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Pink.
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What the hey?
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Must be the robe.
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Hey, Cookie Crisp.
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Cookie Crisp.
[MOUTHS] No.
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Is he talking to me?
No, no.
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Hey, Pierce, that guy came back
that brought your robes
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and said he forgot to deliver this.
129
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What is it?
He said it focuses your powers?
130
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Is that a cookie?
Oh!
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Maybe it's a piece of meteor.
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Buddha arrived on a meteor.
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When's the last time he ate?
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I am the coolest guy in the world.
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[CHUCKLES]
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[###]
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[ANIMALS SCREECHING]
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[DOOR CREAKS THEN CLOSES]
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Hello, Mr. Frog.
Can I just borrow you for a second?
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[IN SINGSONG VOICE]
I'm Señor Chang.
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[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Now tell me that's not funny.
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Aah! Oh! Oh, no. Wait.
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[WHISPERING]
Here, froggy, froggy, froggy.
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00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:47,101
Here frog, frog, froggy.
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Mr. Frog?
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[CROAKING]
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Real quiet.
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[SCREAMING]
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Oh, no. Uhn!
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Yaah!
151
00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:05,414
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
152
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:06,614
Oh.
153
00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:09,989
WOMAN:
Oh, my God! Aah!
154
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Call the ambulance!
155
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:14,497
MAN:
It's so horrible.
156
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It's a dead body.
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[SQUISHING]
158
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:22,569
And what makes it worse is
this was a brand new sign, so...
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I just don't want this to tarnish
our school's reputation.
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00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:27,911
Don't worry. Your school's
reputation is way worse than this.
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[SIREN WAILS]
162
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,677
Oh, here's our campus security.
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Just stop right there.
Oh, ladies, don't pull up on the...
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Okay.
165
00:07:37,523 --> 00:07:39,582
Oh, Annie.
Morning, boys.
166
00:07:39,992 --> 00:07:41,186
I'm Annie Edison.
167
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:44,124
But people call me Psycho because I had
a nervous breakdown in high school.
168
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:46,628
My partner
is a Christian housewife.
169
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:50,098
Can we help you?
Actually, can we not help you?
170
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,827
I tend to play by my own rules.
171
00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:54,029
She loves rules. I only have one.
172
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Stay out of my way.
173
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Stay out of mine more.
174
00:08:01,714 --> 00:08:03,841
You know what?
This is misdemeanor vandalism.
175
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:06,018
You ladies can take care of it
yourselves.
176
00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:09,710
Wait.
177
00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:12,152
Wait, wait. What?
Call us when you find a perp.
178
00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:14,849
COP: Yeah, heh, we'll be waiting.
Oh...
179
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,050
You go.
Uh, I'm about to.
180
00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:17,524
Now look what you have done.
181
00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:19,288
Tell them they got 24 hours
to solve the case.
182
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,024
They do. You have 24 hours
to solve it or else.
183
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:23,793
Figure it out.
184
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[###]
185
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,336
That's the poster.
186
00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:31,203
So this is the part of my job
that I enjoy the least.
187
00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:33,605
The part where I inform you
that last night,
188
00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:37,544
someone murdered
a partially clothed animal
189
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:41,015
and threw a human corpse
out a window.
190
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:43,051
And you can thank the person
that did it,
191
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:46,987
a person that may be in this room,
for the fact that from now on,
192
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,855
April Fools' Day is banished,
okay?
193
00:08:50,062 --> 00:08:55,500
At Greendale, April 1 st is officially
March 32nd forever.
194
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,358
How do you know it was one of us?
195
00:08:57,570 --> 00:09:01,006
Well, if I may answer a question
with a question,
196
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,573
why are you dressed
like a wizard?
197
00:09:05,244 --> 00:09:07,906
[GRUNTING]
198
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:09,713
Okay, is he having a stroke?
199
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:11,845
I'll tell you how I know.
200
00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:18,012
Security Officers Bennett and Edison
found this at the scene. Hmm?
201
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,885
The little hat says "Chang" on it.
202
00:09:20,526 --> 00:09:23,859
And we ruled out your teacher because
he has a crippling fear of frogs.
203
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,052
[GASPS]
204
00:09:25,264 --> 00:09:26,629
I told you that in confidence.
205
00:09:26,832 --> 00:09:30,097
How about whoever did this
just fesses up?
206
00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:38,905
All right, that wasn't just a cadaver
that was thrown out that window.
207
00:09:39,111 --> 00:09:42,603
It was a person
with family and friends.
208
00:09:42,815 --> 00:09:46,012
And for every day
that nobody confesses,
209
00:09:46,218 --> 00:09:48,982
this class will be meeting
one of them. Hmm?
210
00:09:49,188 --> 00:09:50,177
[SHOUTS] Glenda?
211
00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:51,447
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Oh, I apologize.
212
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,124
Can you come on in here. Hmm?
Yes.
213
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,226
And tell us about your son.
214
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:56,923
GLENDA:
Oh, yeah.
215
00:09:57,129 --> 00:10:00,621
Hello, everyone.
CLASS: Hello.
216
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:03,168
There.
217
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:06,171
Harry was a wonderful man.
218
00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:08,469
He kept a dream journal.
219
00:10:09,208 --> 00:10:10,675
Page one.
220
00:10:10,876 --> 00:10:15,074
"I had that dream again
where I'm in a forest
221
00:10:15,748 --> 00:10:18,512
but the trees are pencils."
222
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:22,420
JEFF:
Hey.
223
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,352
Impressive. And hilarious.
Hmm.
224
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:28,118
You gonna fess up, weirdo?
Look, it wasn't me.
225
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:33,632
Even if it was,
this was an accident.
226
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:34,925
I knew it. Nicely done.
227
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:39,503
If I come forward, it's gonna play into
the "Britta's a buzz kill" mythology.
228
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,172
Well, the toe tag fits, Britta.
229
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:45,105
I mean, you single-handedly killed
an entire school's buzz,
230
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,472
not to mention a frog.
According to Glenda,
231
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,705
cadaver Harry had
13 nieces and nephews
232
00:10:49,915 --> 00:10:51,405
that I'm not interested in meeting.
233
00:10:51,617 --> 00:10:53,551
So you better think
about coming clean,
234
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:55,744
or I'm just gonna tell everybody
you did it.
235
00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,923
[###]
236
00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:03,260
ANNIE:
Star-Burns doesn't do very much.
237
00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:06,295
I guess fascinating people don't resort
to growing shapes on their faces.
238
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,490
He makes one false move,
and I'm gonna go Shirley on him.
239
00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:11,169
That's what my high school friends
called crazy.
240
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:14,362
Yeah? You gonna go Shirlier than
I did when I got addicted to pills?
241
00:11:14,573 --> 00:11:16,541
Why are you so concerned
with being badass?
242
00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:19,108
Maybe I'm tired of everyone
thinking of me as a little girl.
243
00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:20,903
Maybe I wanna be in charge
of how I'm defined.
244
00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:22,512
SHIRLEY:
Well, how do you think I feel?
245
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:24,580
You have two kids,
and they stick you in the margins.
246
00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:26,479
I'm not done yet.
I still got moves.
247
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:27,914
I haven't even started yet.
248
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,247
I've got moves
I haven't even seen before.
249
00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:32,651
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
250
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,391
Blocked call.
Mm.
251
00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:37,051
Edison.
252
00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:38,525
WOMAN [DISGUISING VOICE]:
The man you're looking for
253
00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:40,494
is Jeff Winger.
254
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,497
Jeff Winger.
Who is this?
255
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,226
[LINE CLICKS]
256
00:11:44,603 --> 00:11:47,504
I didn't recognize the voice.
They say Jeff Winger's our man.
257
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,574
Oh.
Drop them if you smoke them.
258
00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:52,175
Cut to action sequence.
Let's roll.
259
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,402
[SIREN WAILING]
260
00:11:53,612 --> 00:11:55,102
ANNIE:
Security's coming through.
261
00:11:56,582 --> 00:11:57,742
[SIREN WAILS]
262
00:11:57,950 --> 00:11:59,212
Mr. Winger.
263
00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:01,545
Cagney, Lacey.
What can I do you for?
264
00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:03,682
Just doing a routine search.
265
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,117
What is this?
What do you have here?
266
00:12:05,324 --> 00:12:07,053
That's my chest.
Why don't you spread them? Huh?
267
00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:08,248
What are you packing here?
268
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:09,723
Guys.
I can pat.
269
00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:12,227
I can do it too. So, uh,
what have you got in the bag?
270
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:13,892
Yeah.
What the...?
271
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:15,692
Hey.
272
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,493
Let's see what we have here.
273
00:12:17,703 --> 00:12:20,501
Holy Mary, mother of pearl.
274
00:12:20,706 --> 00:12:21,866
What do we have here, huh?
275
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:25,100
Looks like enough tiny items to
equip an amphibious mariachi band.
276
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:28,075
Of frogs.
That is not my stuff.
277
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,805
Britta. Britta planted that.
Sure she did.
278
00:12:31,016 --> 00:12:33,382
Tell that to what our equivalent
of a judge is.
279
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,917
[###]
280
00:12:35,287 --> 00:12:36,845
ANNIE:
Wait. What is...?
281
00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:38,318
He's getting away.
282
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,151
[ANNIE & SHIRLEY YELLING]
283
00:12:40,359 --> 00:12:41,986
Go, go. Drive.
284
00:12:42,194 --> 00:12:44,662
[SIREN WAILING]
285
00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:46,297
SHIRLEY:
When you turn to yell at me...
286
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,467
ANNIE: He's right there.
SHIRLEY: Okay, hold it...
287
00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:50,760
What are these doing here?
He's getting away.
288
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:53,495
Go after him on foot.
I'm going after him on foot.
289
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:56,504
Cut him off on the other side.
I'm cutting him off on the other side.
290
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,169
Stop or I'll shoot.
291
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,444
I said, stop.
292
00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:11,088
Oh, God, no. Aah!
293
00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:14,857
Aah! It burns.
294
00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:19,387
[SIREN WAILS]
295
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:26,499
Uh-huh. Oh, great, he got away.
Good job.
296
00:13:26,705 --> 00:13:29,071
He got away because of your driving,
Grandma.
297
00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:31,436
Oh, I beg your pardon,
Hannah Montana.
298
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,509
Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you hard of hearing?
299
00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:35,441
You know what? This is why
you have hardly any friends.
300
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,549
Looks like I have one less now.
Do I look like I'm crying?
301
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:40,150
These are not tears.
302
00:13:40,352 --> 00:13:42,877
This is self-inflicted friendly fire,
okay?
303
00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:44,646
That's what happens to children.
304
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:46,722
You have no idea
what I've been through!
305
00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:48,518
SHIRLEY: You don't think I've
got the strength for this!
306
00:13:48,727 --> 00:13:50,718
Excuse me.
I have to go to the bathroom.
307
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,330
I'll give you the rest of these
chocolate-covered raisins if you save my seat.
308
00:13:53,532 --> 00:13:55,397
[ANNIE & SHIRLEY CONTINUE
YELLING AT EACH OTHER]
309
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:57,432
ANNIE:
- To be alone out there.
310
00:13:57,636 --> 00:13:58,625
You are assuming...
311
00:14:00,272 --> 00:14:02,137
I don't want you to feel judged
by this,
312
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:05,174
but your handling of this job
has disappointed me.
313
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:09,438
I mean, your high-speed pursuit
caused $ 78 worth of damages.
314
00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:12,344
And you didn't even get a statement
out of Mr. Winger?
315
00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:14,678
He got away.
He ran between two poles.
316
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:17,219
Well, I see how that would be
frustrating but the fact is,
317
00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:19,891
Your ass is on the line.
My ass is on the line.
318
00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:21,354
You just got off the phone
319
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,050
with the mayor.
I just got off the phone...
320
00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:25,196
What? The mayor? Stop doing that.
I'm trying to help.
321
00:14:25,397 --> 00:14:27,331
You're not doing this right.
Well, maybe you should do it.
322
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,091
[CHUCKLES]
323
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:33,400
[ANGRILY] I am sick and tired
of making excuses for you two.
324
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,198
You're an embarrassment
to the department.
325
00:14:35,407 --> 00:14:38,672
You're off the case and off the force.
Your badges, your windbreakers now.
326
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,512
Now. I ain't got all day.
327
00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:43,841
Agitating my sciatica.
328
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:46,108
I'm too old for this.
Now get out of my sight.
329
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:48,246
Thought you were badasses, huh?
330
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:50,217
Real badasses work together.
331
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:51,914
Hmm.
332
00:14:52,124 --> 00:14:53,887
All I see is a housewife
and girl scout.
333
00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:55,526
Hey.
Abed.
334
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:56,786
I said, get out.
335
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:00,594
And don't even think about
getting near this case. Uh-uh.
336
00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:03,896
Pretty harsh.
337
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:05,627
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Don't worry,
that's what they needed.
338
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,772
[###]
339
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:10,701
Well, that was embarrassing.
I know.
340
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:14,243
That African-American police chief
character Abed was playing was right.
341
00:15:14,446 --> 00:15:16,107
We should have worked as a team.
342
00:15:16,315 --> 00:15:19,045
I don't know about you,
I don't need a badge to finish this.
343
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:21,116
I say we nail Winger to the wall.
344
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,652
Together?
Together.
345
00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:26,616
How do you spell "testicles"?
346
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:29,253
Nice frame job, Britta-dict Arnold.
347
00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:30,689
Oh, colonial burn.
348
00:15:30,896 --> 00:15:33,729
Come on, Jeff, where's that
trademark gift for levity?
349
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:36,431
Well, well, well, look who we found.
350
00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:41,072
Yes, how foolish of me to hide in
my regularly scheduled study group.
351
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:44,640
Jeff, ahem, let's just do this
the easy way. Confess.
352
00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:46,470
Britta's the one
who threw that body out the window.
353
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:48,078
And I can prove it.
How?
354
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,716
Britta was going to put a frog wearing
a sombrero on Chang's desk
355
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:54,579
because that's the kind of thing
she thinks is funny.
356
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,084
Don't you, Britta?
No.
357
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:58,848
Then why is there a photo
on your Facebook page
358
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:01,822
of a cat wearing a necktie?
359
00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:04,018
Pfft. This is my cat.
360
00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:06,424
And the tie makes him?
361
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:08,964
Formal.
362
00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:12,729
This investigation
is going nowhere.
363
00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:14,639
You need a psychic.
364
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,205
Perfect.
365
00:16:16,575 --> 00:16:18,975
This process may alarm you.
366
00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:25,674
Oh! Gay, gay, gay. So gay.
367
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:30,454
Oh-oh. Dark nightclub. Aah, aah.
368
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,487
Throbbing music.
369
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,623
Men's room... Men's room stall.
370
00:16:36,895 --> 00:16:40,058
Penis. Two penises.
371
00:16:40,265 --> 00:16:42,733
Oh. So gay. He's so gay.
372
00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:43,924
[GRUNTS]
373
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:45,466
Pierce.
What?
374
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:48,231
Sit down. We'll take it from here.
Uhn.
375
00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:52,210
Jeff, where were you last night?
At a bar.
376
00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:54,140
Called it.
Who can confirm that?
377
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,677
Your mama?
What?
378
00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:57,212
While I'm...
GROUP: Oh!
379
00:16:57,616 --> 00:16:59,083
Oh!
380
00:16:59,284 --> 00:17:00,410
What the hell, Annie?
381
00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:03,679
Her name's not Annie, it's Psycho.
If I were you, I'd tell her what she wants to hear.
382
00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:06,323
That's right, because if I have
to hand you off to Shirley,
383
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:08,720
you're gonna enter
a kitchen of pain.
384
00:17:08,927 --> 00:17:11,157
Uhn!
BRITTA: Guys, stop it.
385
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:12,887
Stop it. I did it.
386
00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:15,126
I framed Jeff.
387
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:16,926
I'm sorry, Jeff.
388
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:21,573
But why?
Because I'm a buzz kill, that's why.
389
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,671
Because that's who I am.
That's my role.
390
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:27,039
You guys, you create fun,
and I destroy it.
391
00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:30,738
Of course a silly little joke ends
with a dead body on the lawn.
392
00:17:30,949 --> 00:17:33,179
I should have known that
but I wanted to do it anyway.
393
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:35,853
I wanted to be like you.
I wanted to be funny.
394
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:39,582
Knock, knock.
Who's there? Cancer.
395
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:43,455
Oh, good, come on in.
I thought it was Britta.
396
00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:45,027
Well...
397
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:49,963
Britta, I actually wanna be taken
more seriously.
398
00:17:50,469 --> 00:17:53,097
And the only reason I slammed
Jeff's head against the table
399
00:17:53,305 --> 00:17:55,739
was because I wanted to feel
like an adult.
400
00:17:57,342 --> 00:17:58,604
Like Shirley.
401
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:02,380
And I wanted to feel younger
like Annie.
402
00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:05,209
It's not that I'm really old because people
don't know how young I really am. See?
403
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,977
I'm doing it again.
I hate that I obsess about my age.
404
00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:09,552
Oh, I know.
405
00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:11,749
I wish I was really magic. Heh.
406
00:18:12,558 --> 00:18:15,186
You know you're not?
Yeah.
407
00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:17,954
Hah. Somebody must have sent
these robes by accident.
408
00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:21,132
I only pretended I was level six
to impress you guys.
409
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:22,894
I got held back.
410
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,036
[SOBBING]
411
00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:27,762
I don't even deserve
this Buddhist meteor wand.
412
00:18:28,073 --> 00:18:29,233
WOMEN:
Oh.
413
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,702
It's not a meteor. It's a cookie wand.
414
00:18:32,911 --> 00:18:34,276
[SOBBING]
415
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:35,970
Me and Jeff made it
416
00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:38,775
because it made you look
like the Cookie Crisp wizard.
417
00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:42,613
Which is not even a reference I get
because the Cookie Crisp mascot
418
00:18:42,821 --> 00:18:45,551
wasn't a wizard when I was a kid,
it was a burglar.
419
00:18:45,757 --> 00:18:47,088
[ALL SOBBING]
420
00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:51,929
I just pretended like I knew because
I wanted Jeff to think I was smart.
421
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,598
[ALL SOBBING]
422
00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:56,534
Great. I did it again.
423
00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:58,100
I killed the buzz.
424
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:03,941
Look, um...
425
00:19:04,543 --> 00:19:06,135
Maybe...
426
00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:08,745
Maybe "buzz kill"
is a bad choice of words.
427
00:19:08,947 --> 00:19:11,313
What's a good choice of words?
428
00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:14,714
I don't know. l... I, um... I...
429
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:18,219
You're... You're like the dark cloud
that unites us.
430
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,626
Or the... The anti-Winger.
431
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:25,626
You're like... You're...
You're the heart of this group.
432
00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:30,227
Uh... Look, um, I don't have a real
handle on all this mushy stuff.
433
00:19:30,435 --> 00:19:35,134
If... If I did,
then we wouldn't need you.
434
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:39,142
Britta, get over here.
435
00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:41,035
Really?
Yeah.
436
00:19:41,246 --> 00:19:43,214
[SOBBING]
437
00:19:44,883 --> 00:19:47,875
Let's never let Jeff divide us again.
438
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,045
Hey, Abed.
439
00:19:50,589 --> 00:19:52,580
Why are you and I the only sane...?
Shh.
440
00:19:52,791 --> 00:19:55,419
Just watch. It's beautiful.
441
00:19:55,627 --> 00:19:58,824
Troy, do you want a bite of my wand?
I do.
442
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:01,897
We really appreciate
you doing this.
443
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,227
Sure.
And three, two, one.
444
00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:06,301
BOTH:
♪ Troy and Abed in the morning ♪♪
445
00:20:06,505 --> 00:20:08,803
And we're back.
Look who's here, Jeff Winger.
446
00:20:09,007 --> 00:20:10,668
Jeff, how do you stay so fit?
447
00:20:11,109 --> 00:20:13,202
Uh... Diet, exercise, genetics.
448
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:14,743
[BOTH LAUGH]
449
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:16,847
Sure, sure.
Okay. So it seems we have a clip.
450
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,539
You wanna set up for us?
451
00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:21,014
Uh, I'd like to but I don't know
what you're talking about.
452
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,983
Okay, we'll just roll it.
453
00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:25,285
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Ooh. My name's Jeff Winger.
454
00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:27,048
[IN DEEP VOICE]
Hey. I'm Jeff Winger. I'm so tall.
455
00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:29,124
This watch is expensive.
Muscles are everywhere.
456
00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:30,556
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
That was funny.
457
00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:32,320
What's going on?
Where are the cameras?
458
00:20:32,531 --> 00:20:34,522
We're not filming this.
No. Who'd wanna watch this?
459
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:37,531
Guys, it's 6 a.m. Jeez.
460
00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:41,495
We're not gonna have him back.
461
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:43,339
BOTH:
♪ Troy and Abed in the morn... ♪♪
462
00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:44,531
JEFF:
No!