1
00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:05,535
Good morning, Greendale.

2
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:07,570
As you know,
it is April Fools' Day.

3
00:00:07,774 --> 00:00:10,334
Just kidding. It's the day before April Fools.
See what I did there...

4
00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:11,510
Baba booey, baba booey,
baba booey

5
00:00:11,811 --> 00:00:14,575
You know what, Leonard?
Strike two.

6
00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:18,445
<i>Anyway, just
reminding you to keep</i>

7
00:00:18,651 --> 00:00:21,176
<i>any April Fools pranks
physically safe,</i>

8
00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:23,948
<i>politically balanced
and racially accessible.</i>

9
00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:27,456
<i>When in doubt, check the guidelines
in our college pranks literature.</i>

10
00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:31,027
Guidelines
for school-sanctioned pranks.

11
00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:32,721
Hmm. Reminds me
of my favorite college comedy.

12
00:00:32,932 --> 00:00:34,024
Oh, uh, which one?

13
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:36,361
Exactly.
See, the dean doesn't get it.

14
00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:39,538
The point of a practical joke is
to shake up the system.

15
00:00:39,739 --> 00:00:42,173
For example,
who wants some of these?

16
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:44,002
Cool, yeah.

17
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:49,277
Looking for something?
Nice.

18
00:00:49,482 --> 00:00:52,747
Oh. They allow volunteers
for campus security during times

19
00:00:52,952 --> 00:00:54,544
of heightened shenanigans.
Oh.

20
00:00:54,754 --> 00:00:56,722
I wanna be security.
Ooh. Let's do it together.

21
00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:57,912
We can be partners.

22
00:00:58,124 --> 00:01:00,092
That's a buddy cop movie
I would watch. But I wonder,

23
00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:02,693
Which of you would be by the book?
Which of you would be the badass?

24
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,797
Oh, Abed, you're so silly.
I would be the badass.

25
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:08,962
Greetings, mortals.

26
00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:11,467
Morning. Snake in a can?

27
00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:13,298
Uh... No, thanks. I'm fasting.

28
00:01:13,506 --> 00:01:16,566
My Buddhist church is having
its annual ascension ceremony,

29
00:01:16,776 --> 00:01:22,271
and I will be becoming
a level-six laser lotus.

30
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,949
I know. I was speechless too.

31
00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:28,416
Anyway, I have to detoxify
for the ceremony.

32
00:01:28,621 --> 00:01:32,148
I get all the nutrients I need
with saltwater and honey.

33
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:38,496
It's better if it goes down
the wrong pipe.

34
00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:41,024
So, what happens in level six?

35
00:01:41,234 --> 00:01:43,930
Well, nobody in my hive
has ever seen a six,

36
00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:46,628
but, uh, from what I hear,
I'll have immunity to germs,

37
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,502
a heightened psychic ability
and improved night vision.

38
00:01:49,709 --> 00:01:51,267
Any bonuses to your combat score?

39
00:01:51,478 --> 00:01:54,413
I assume I'll fight better
if I can see more, heh, dumb-ass.

40
00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:57,978
Hey, Pierce, I just remembered.
Right before you got here,

41
00:01:58,184 --> 00:02:01,745
some guy was delivering
level-six ceremonial robes?

42
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,980
What? Why didn't you tell me?

43
00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:08,354
Maybe if you run you can catch him.
Way to use your brain, Winger.

44
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,792
Abed, how fast can
you run to the Theater Department?

45
00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:13,556
Thirty-seven seconds.
Don't come back

46
00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:15,893
without something ridiculous. Go.

47
00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:20,439
Guys, you realize you're exploiting
the naiveté of a man

48
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,801
who is being brainwashed
by a cult.

49
00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:25,469
Well, it sounds a lot less fun
when you say it.

50
00:02:25,678 --> 00:02:27,373
Everything does. She's a buzz kill.

51
00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:29,943
I'm not a buzz kill.
Hmm.

52
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,879
Yeah, that doesn't really describe it.

53
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:33,746
You're more of a fun-vampire,

54
00:02:33,953 --> 00:02:36,615
because you don't suck blood,
you just suck.

55
00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:38,717
He wasn't there.

56
00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:40,620
Oh, I think Abed found him.

57
00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:42,854
Hey, give me.

58
00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:50,834
It's amazing. Wow.

59
00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:54,268
It is absolutely gorgeous.
How do I look?

60
00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:55,873
May I?
Yeah.

61
00:02:56,409 --> 00:02:58,343
Magical.
Great. Heh.

62
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,240
Of course, the only one
who doesn't like this is Britta.

63
00:03:03,449 --> 00:03:05,747
You ever get tired of being
a buzz kill?

64
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:15,552
This is gonna be exciting, ladies.

65
00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:21,192
I hereby deputize you
as campus security for 48 hours.

66
00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:22,390
Your windbreakers.

67
00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:27,239
Your whistles.

68
00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:32,934
Oh. Oh. Okay. Uh...

69
00:03:35,248 --> 00:03:38,274
Okay. Now I only have
the one pepper spray.

70
00:03:38,484 --> 00:03:42,011
It's mine. But I'll just get my groceries
in a better neighborhood this week.

71
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:43,650
I'll carry it.
Oh.

72
00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:46,347
Between the two of us,
I'm sort of the badass.

73
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,220
You are? Uh...
H-how do you figure?

74
00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:50,123
I don't know, Shirley.
How did you figure I wasn't?

75
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:53,595
I guess I didn't figure because I was
too busy being the obvious badass.

76
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,864
Sounds like we're both
pretty convinced.

77
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,060
I guess we'll find out
once we're on the job.

78
00:03:58,271 --> 00:03:59,465
Hmm. I guess we will.

79
00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:01,601
I'm sorry, what is going on here?

80
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:02,900
A twist on a classic formula.

81
00:04:03,543 --> 00:04:06,376
Normally, with buddy cops, one's a
straight-laced stickler, the other's a renegade.

82
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,945
But these two have equal claim
to both roles.

83
00:04:09,148 --> 00:04:10,376
And why are you here?

84
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,175
Short answer?

85
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:13,875
My cable went out.

86
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:18,515
Hey, can I run something by you?

87
00:04:18,725 --> 00:04:20,955
I was thinking of pulling
a little prank tonight.

88
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,754
All right. April Fools prank.

89
00:04:23,963 --> 00:04:26,955
So you know how they have
live frogs in the anatomy lab?

90
00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:29,327
Oh, yeah.
So I was gonna sneak in there,

91
00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:33,437
get a frog, and then tomorrow when
Señor Chang's class is coming in,

92
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,768
there will be a frog on his desk
wearing...

93
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,610
Tada.

94
00:04:43,249 --> 00:04:45,012
Oh, you're done.

95
00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:46,649
Did you read the hat?

96
00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:48,184
"Señor Chang."
Yeah.

97
00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:51,256
Oh, you don't get it.
I guess I don't.

98
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:52,947
The frog is Chang.

99
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:56,454
Okay, I did get it. It's funny.
I know it's funny.

100
00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,756
Oh, wait, I forgot.
It's not your kind of joke.

101
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,455
It's not at anyone's expense.

102
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,532
Britta, why waste your time
envying my gift for levity?

103
00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:05,704
When there's so much you could be doing
with your natural talent for severity.

104
00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:09,102
You know what? My prank is
gonna cause a sea of laughter,

105
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,277
and I'm gonna watch you
drown in it.

106
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:12,671
Thattagirl.

107
00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:18,208
Seven.
That's right.

108
00:05:20,019 --> 00:05:22,681
Jeff, I can read minds.
No way.

109
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:25,084
What color am I thinking of?

110
00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:27,089
Pink.

111
00:05:27,293 --> 00:05:28,988
What the hey?

112
00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:31,322
Must be the robe.

113
00:05:31,531 --> 00:05:33,294
Hey, Cookie Crisp.

114
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:34,488
<i>Cookie Crisp.
No.</i>

115
00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:36,635
Is he talking to me?
No, no.

116
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:39,532
Hey, Pierce, that guy came back
that brought your robes

117
00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:42,708
and said he forgot to deliver this.

118
00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:46,201
What is it?
He said it focuses your powers?

119
00:05:55,221 --> 00:05:57,018
Is that a cookie?
Oh!

120
00:05:58,524 --> 00:05:59,991
Maybe it's a piece of meteor.

121
00:06:00,393 --> 00:06:02,020
Buddha arrived on a meteor.

122
00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:03,893
When's the last time he ate?

123
00:06:04,664 --> 00:06:08,896
I am the coolest guy in the world.

124
00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:28,884
Hello, Mr. Frog.
Can I just borrow you for a second?

125
00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:35,688
I'm Señor Chang.

126
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,229
Now tell me that's not funny.

127
00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:41,125
Aah! Oh! Oh, no. Wait.

128
00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:44,135
Here, froggy, froggy, froggy.

129
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:47,101
Here frog, frog, froggy.

130
00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:48,364
Mr. Frog?

131
00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:51,903
Real quiet.

132
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,149
Oh, no. Uhn!

133
00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:03,644
Yaah!

134
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:06,614
Oh.

135
00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:09,989
Oh, my God! Aah!

136
00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:11,959
Call the ambulance!

137
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:14,497
It's so horrible.

138
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,196
It's a dead body.

139
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:22,569
And what makes it worse is
this was a brand new sign, so...

140
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:25,335
I just don't want this to tarnish
our school's reputation.

141
00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:27,911
Don't worry. Your school's
reputation is way worse than this.

142
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,677
Oh, here's our campus security.

143
00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:33,613
Just stop right there.
Oh, ladies, don't pull up on the...

144
00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:36,420
Okay.

145
00:07:37,523 --> 00:07:39,582
Oh, Annie.
Morning, boys.

146
00:07:39,992 --> 00:07:41,186
I'm Annie Edison.

147
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:44,124
But people call me Psycho because I had
a nervous breakdown in high school.

148
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:46,628
My partner
is a Christian housewife.

149
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:50,098
Can we help you?
Actually, can we not help you?

150
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,827
I tend to play by my own rules.

151
00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:54,029
She loves rules. I only have one.

152
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,199
Stay out of my way.

153
00:07:59,011 --> 00:08:01,502
Stay out of mine more.

154
00:08:01,714 --> 00:08:03,841
You know what?
This is misdemeanor vandalism.

155
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:06,018
You ladies can take care of it
yourselves.

156
00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:09,710
Wait.

157
00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:12,152
Wait, wait. What?
Call us when you find a perp.

158
00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:14,849
Yeah, heh, we'll be waiting.
Oh...

159
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,050
You go.
Uh, I'm about to.

160
00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:17,524
Now look what you have done.

161
00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:19,288
Tell them they got 24 hours
to solve the case.

162
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,024
They do. You have 24 hours
to solve it or else.

163
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:23,793
Figure it out.

164
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,336
That's the poster.

165
00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:31,203
So this is the part of my job
that I enjoy the least.

166
00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:33,605
The part where I inform you
that last night,

167
00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:37,544
someone murdered
a partially clothed animal

168
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:41,015
and threw a human corpse
out a window.

169
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:43,051
And you can thank the person
that did it,

170
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:46,987
a person that may be in this room,
for the fact that from now on,

171
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,855
April Fools' Day is banished,
okay?

172
00:08:50,062 --> 00:08:55,500
At Greendale, April 1 st is officially
March 32nd forever.

173
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,358
How do you know it was one of us?

174
00:08:57,570 --> 00:09:01,006
Well, if I may answer a question
with a question,

175
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,573
why are you dressed
like a wizard?

176
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:09,713
Okay, is he having a stroke?

177
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:11,845
I'll tell you how I know.

178
00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:18,012
Security Officers Bennett and Edison
found this at the scene. Hmm?

179
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,885
The little hat says "Chang" on it.

180
00:09:20,526 --> 00:09:23,859
And we ruled out your teacher because
he has a crippling fear of frogs.

181
00:09:25,264 --> 00:09:26,629
I told you that in confidence.

182
00:09:26,832 --> 00:09:30,097
How about whoever did this
just fesses up?

183
00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:38,905
All right, that wasn't just a cadaver
that was thrown out that window.

184
00:09:39,111 --> 00:09:42,603
It was a person
with family and friends.

185
00:09:42,815 --> 00:09:46,012
And for every day
that nobody confesses,

186
00:09:46,218 --> 00:09:48,982
this class will be meeting
one of them. Hmm?

187
00:09:49,188 --> 00:09:50,177
Glenda?

188
00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:51,447
Oh, I apologize.

189
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,124
Can you come on in here. Hmm?
Yes.

190
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,226
And tell us about your son.

191
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:56,923
Oh, yeah.

192
00:09:57,129 --> 00:10:00,621
Hello, everyone.
Hello.

193
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:03,168
There.

194
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:06,171
Harry was a wonderful man.

195
00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:08,469
He kept a dream journal.

196
00:10:09,208 --> 00:10:10,675
Page one.

197
00:10:10,876 --> 00:10:15,074
"I had that dream again
where I'm in a forest

198
00:10:15,748 --> 00:10:18,512
but the trees are pencils."

199
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:22,420
Hey.

200
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,352
Impressive. And hilarious.
Hmm.

201
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:28,118
You gonna fess up, weirdo?
Look, it wasn't me.

202
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:33,632
Even if it was,
this was an accident.

203
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:34,925
I knew it. Nicely done.

204
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:39,503
If I come forward, it's gonna play into
the "Britta's a buzz kill" mythology.

205
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,172
Well, the toe tag fits, Britta.

206
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:45,105
I mean, you single-handedly killed
an entire school's buzz,

207
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,472
not to mention a frog.
According to Glenda,

208
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,705
cadaver Harry had
13 nieces and nephews

209
00:10:49,915 --> 00:10:51,405
that I'm not interested in meeting.

210
00:10:51,617 --> 00:10:53,551
So you better think
about coming clean,

211
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:55,744
or I'm just gonna tell everybody
you did it.

212
00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:03,260
Star-Burns doesn't do very much.

213
00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:06,295
I guess fascinating people don't resort
to growing shapes on their faces.

214
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,490
He makes one false move,
and I'm gonna go Shirley on him.

215
00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:11,169
That's what my high school friends
called crazy.

216
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:14,362
Yeah? You gonna go Shirlier than
I did when I got addicted to pills?

217
00:11:14,573 --> 00:11:16,541
Why are you so concerned
with being badass?

218
00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:19,108
Maybe I'm tired of everyone
thinking of me as a little girl.

219
00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:20,903
Maybe I wanna be in charge
of how I'm defined.

220
00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:22,512
Well, how do you think I feel?

221
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:24,580
You have two kids,
and they stick you in the margins.

222
00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:26,479
I'm not done yet.
I still got moves.

223
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:27,914
I haven't even started yet.

224
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,247
I've got moves
I haven't even seen before.

225
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,391
Blocked call.
Mm.

226
00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:37,051
Edison.

227
00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:38,525
<i>The man you're looking for</i>

228
00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:40,494
<i>is Jeff Winger.</i>

229
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,497
<i>Jeff Winger.
Who is this?</i>

230
00:11:44,603 --> 00:11:47,504
I didn't recognize the voice.
They say Jeff Winger's our man.

231
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,574
Oh.
Drop them if you smoke them.

232
00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:52,175
Cut to action sequence.
Let's roll.

233
00:11:53,612 --> 00:11:55,102
Security's coming through.

234
00:11:57,950 --> 00:11:59,212
Mr. Winger.

235
00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:01,545
Cagney, Lacey.
What can I do you for?

236
00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:03,682
Just doing a routine search.

237
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,117
What is this?
What do you have here?

238
00:12:05,324 --> 00:12:07,053
That's my chest.
Why don't you spread them? Huh?

239
00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:08,248
What are you packing here?

240
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:09,723
Guys.
I can pat.

241
00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:12,227
I can do it too. So, uh,
what have you got in the bag?

242
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:13,892
Yeah.
What the...?

243
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:15,692
Hey.

244
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,493
Let's see what we have here.

245
00:12:17,703 --> 00:12:20,501
Holy Mary, mother of pearl.

246
00:12:20,706 --> 00:12:21,866
What do we have here, huh?

247
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:25,100
Looks like enough tiny items to
equip an amphibious mariachi band.

248
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:28,075
Of frogs.
That is not my stuff.

249
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,805
Britta. Britta planted that.
Sure she did.

250
00:12:31,016 --> 00:12:33,382
Tell that to what our equivalent
of a judge is.

251
00:12:35,287 --> 00:12:36,845
Wait. What is...?

252
00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:38,318
He's getting away.

253
00:12:40,359 --> 00:12:41,986
Go, go. Drive.

254
00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:46,297
When you turn to yell at me...

255
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,467
He's right there.
Okay, hold it...

256
00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:50,760
What are these doing here?
He's getting away.

257
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:53,495
Go after him on foot.
I'm going after him on foot.

258
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:56,504
Cut him off on the other side.
I'm cutting him off on the other side.

259
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,169
Stop or I'll shoot.

260
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,444
I said, stop.

261
00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:11,088
Oh, God, no. Aah!

262
00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:14,857
Aah! It burns.

263
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:26,499
Uh-huh. Oh, great, he got away.
Good job.

264
00:13:26,705 --> 00:13:29,071
He got away because of your driving,
Grandma.

265
00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:31,436
Oh, I beg your pardon,
Hannah Montana.

266
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,509
Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you hard of hearing?

267
00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:35,441
You know what? This is why
you have hardly any friends.

268
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,549
Looks like I have one less now.
Do I look like I'm crying?

269
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:40,150
These are not tears.

270
00:13:40,352 --> 00:13:42,877
This is self-inflicted friendly fire,
okay?

271
00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:44,646
That's what happens to children.

272
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:46,722
You have no idea
what I've been through!

273
00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:48,518
You don't think I've
got the strength for this!

274
00:13:48,727 --> 00:13:50,718
Excuse me.
I have to go to the bathroom.

275
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,330
I'll give you the rest of these
chocolate-covered raisins if you save my seat.

276
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:57,432
- To be alone out there.

277
00:13:57,636 --> 00:13:58,625
You are assuming...

278
00:14:00,272 --> 00:14:02,137
I don't want you to feel judged
by this,

279
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:05,174
but your handling of this job
has disappointed me.

280
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:09,438
I mean, your high-speed pursuit
caused $ 78 worth of damages.

281
00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:12,344
And you didn't even get a statement
out of Mr. Winger?

282
00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:14,678
He got away.
He ran between two poles.

283
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:17,219
Well, I see how that would be
frustrating but the fact is,

284
00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:19,891
Your ass is on the line.
My ass is on the line.

285
00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:21,354
You just got off the phone

286
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,050
with the mayor.
I just got off the phone...

287
00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:25,196
What? The mayor? Stop doing that.
I'm trying to help.

288
00:14:25,397 --> 00:14:27,331
You're not doing this right.
Well, maybe you should do it.

289
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:33,400
I am sick and tired
of making excuses for you two.

290
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,198
You're an embarrassment
to the department.

291
00:14:35,407 --> 00:14:38,672
You're off the case and off the force.
Your badges, your windbreakers now.

292
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,512
Now. I ain't got all day.

293
00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:43,841
Agitating my sciatica.

294
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:46,108
I'm too old for this.
Now get out of my sight.

295
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:48,246
Thought you were badasses, huh?

296
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:50,217
Real badasses work together.

297
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:51,914
Hmm.

298
00:14:52,124 --> 00:14:53,887
All I see is a housewife
and girl scout.

299
00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:55,526
Hey.
Abed.

300
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:56,786
I said, get out.

301
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:00,594
And don't even think about
getting near this case. Uh-uh.

302
00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:03,896
Pretty harsh.

303
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:05,627
Don't worry,
that's what they needed.

304
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:10,701
Well, that was embarrassing.
I know.

305
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:14,243
That African-American police chief
character Abed was playing was right.

306
00:15:14,446 --> 00:15:16,107
We should have worked as a team.

307
00:15:16,315 --> 00:15:19,045
I don't know about you,
I don't need a badge to finish this.

308
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:21,116
I say we nail Winger to the wall.

309
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,652
Together?
Together.

310
00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:26,616
How do you spell "testicles"?

311
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:29,253
Nice frame job, Britta-dict Arnold.

312
00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:30,689
Oh, colonial burn.

313
00:15:30,896 --> 00:15:33,729
Come on, Jeff, where's that
trademark gift for levity?

314
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:36,431
Well, well, well, look who we found.

315
00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:41,072
Yes, how foolish of me to hide in
my regularly scheduled study group.

316
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:44,640
Jeff, ahem, let's just do this
the easy way. Confess.

317
00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:46,470
Britta's the one
who threw that body out the window.

318
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:48,078
And I can prove it.
How?

319
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,716
Britta was going to put a frog wearing
a sombrero on Chang's desk

320
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:54,579
because that's the kind of thing
she thinks is funny.

321
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,084
Don't you, Britta?
No.

322
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:58,848
Then why is there a photo
on your Facebook page

323
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:01,822
of a cat wearing a necktie?

324
00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:04,018
Pfft. This is my cat.

325
00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:06,424
And the tie makes him?

326
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:08,964
Formal.

327
00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:12,729
This investigation
is going nowhere.

328
00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:14,639
You need a psychic.

329
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,205
Perfect.

330
00:16:16,575 --> 00:16:18,975
This process may alarm you.

331
00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:25,674
Oh! Gay, gay, gay. So gay.

332
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:30,454
Oh-oh. Dark nightclub. Aah, aah.

333
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,487
Throbbing music.

334
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,623
Men's room... Men's room stall.

335
00:16:36,895 --> 00:16:40,058
Penis. Two penises.

336
00:16:40,265 --> 00:16:42,733
Oh. So gay. He's so gay.

337
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:45,466
Pierce.
What?

338
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:48,231
Sit down. We'll take it from here.
Uhn.

339
00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:52,210
Jeff, where were you last night?
At a bar.

340
00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:54,140
Called it.
Who can confirm that?

341
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,677
Your mama?
What?

342
00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:57,212
While I'm...
Oh!

343
00:16:57,616 --> 00:16:59,083
Oh!

344
00:16:59,284 --> 00:17:00,410
What the hell, Annie?

345
00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:03,679
Her name's not Annie, it's Psycho.
If I were you, I'd tell her what she wants to hear.

346
00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:06,323
That's right, because if I have
to hand you off to Shirley,

347
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:08,720
you're gonna enter
a kitchen of pain.

348
00:17:08,927 --> 00:17:11,157
Uhn!
Guys, stop it.

349
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:12,887
Stop it. I did it.

350
00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:15,126
I framed Jeff.

351
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:16,926
I'm sorry, Jeff.

352
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:21,573
But why?
Because I'm a buzz kill, that's why.

353
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,671
Because that's who I am.
That's my role.

354
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:27,039
You guys, you create fun,
and I destroy it.

355
00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:30,738
Of course a silly little joke ends
with a dead body on the lawn.

356
00:17:30,949 --> 00:17:33,179
I should have known that
but I wanted to do it anyway.

357
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:35,853
I wanted to be like you.
I wanted to be funny.

358
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:39,582
Knock, knock.
Who's there? Cancer.

359
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:43,455
Oh, good, come on in.
I thought it was Britta.

360
00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:45,027
Well...

361
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:49,963
Britta, I actually wanna be taken
more seriously.

362
00:17:50,469 --> 00:17:53,097
And the only reason I slammed
Jeff's head against the table

363
00:17:53,305 --> 00:17:55,739
was because I wanted to feel
like an adult.

364
00:17:57,342 --> 00:17:58,604
Like Shirley.

365
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:02,380
And I wanted to feel younger
like Annie.

366
00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:05,209
It's not that I'm really old because people
don't know how young I really am. See?

367
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,977
I'm doing it again.
I hate that I obsess about my age.

368
00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:09,552
Oh, I know.

369
00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:11,749
I wish I was really magic. Heh.

370
00:18:12,558 --> 00:18:15,186
You know you're not?
Yeah.

371
00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:17,954
Hah. Somebody must have sent
these robes by accident.

372
00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:21,132
I only pretended I was level six
to impress you guys.

373
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:22,894
I got held back.

374
00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:27,762
I don't even deserve
this Buddhist meteor wand.

375
00:18:28,073 --> 00:18:29,233
Oh.

376
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,702
It's not a meteor. It's a cookie wand.

377
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:35,970
Me and Jeff made it

378
00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:38,775
because it made you look
like the Cookie Crisp wizard.

379
00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:42,613
Which is not even a reference I get
because the Cookie Crisp mascot

380
00:18:42,821 --> 00:18:45,551
wasn't a wizard when I was a kid,
it was a burglar.

381
00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:51,929
I just pretended like I knew because
I wanted Jeff to think I was smart.

382
00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:56,534
Great. I did it again.

383
00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:58,100
I killed the buzz.

384
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:03,941
Look, um...

385
00:19:04,543 --> 00:19:06,135
Maybe...

386
00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:08,745
Maybe "buzz kill"
is a bad choice of words.

387
00:19:08,947 --> 00:19:11,313
What's a good choice of words?

388
00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:14,714
I don't know. l... I, um... I...

389
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:18,219
You're... You're like the dark cloud
that unites us.

390
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,626
Or the... The anti-Winger.

391
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:25,626
You're like... You're...
You're the heart of this group.

392
00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:30,227
Uh... Look, um, I don't have a real
handle on all this mushy stuff.

393
00:19:30,435 --> 00:19:35,134
If... If I did,
then we wouldn't need you.

394
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:39,142
Britta, get over here.

395
00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:41,035
Really?
Yeah.

396
00:19:44,883 --> 00:19:47,875
Let's never let Jeff divide us again.

397
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,045
Hey, Abed.

398
00:19:50,589 --> 00:19:52,580
Why are you and I the only sane...?
Shh.

399
00:19:52,791 --> 00:19:55,419
Just watch. It's beautiful.

400
00:19:55,627 --> 00:19:58,824
Troy, do you want a bite of my wand?
I do.

401
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:01,897
We really appreciate
you doing this.

402
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,227
Sure.
And three, two, one.

403
00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:06,301
♪ Troy and Abed in the morning ♪♪

404
00:20:06,505 --> 00:20:08,803
And we're back.
Look who's here, Jeff Winger.

405
00:20:09,007 --> 00:20:10,668
Jeff, how do you stay so fit?

406
00:20:11,109 --> 00:20:13,202
Uh... Diet, exercise, genetics.

407
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:16,847
Sure, sure.
Okay. So it seems we have a clip.

408
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,539
You wanna set up for us?

409
00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:21,014
Uh, I'd like to but I don't know
what you're talking about.

410
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,983
Okay, we'll just roll it.

411
00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:25,285
Ooh. My name's Jeff Winger.

412
00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:27,048
Hey. I'm Jeff Winger. I'm so tall.

413
00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:29,124
This watch is expensive.
Muscles are everywhere.

414
00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:30,556
That was funny.

415
00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:32,320
What's going on?
Where are the cameras?

416
00:20:32,531 --> 00:20:34,522
We're not filming this.
No. Who'd wanna watch this?

417
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:37,531
Guys, it's 6 a.m. Jeez.

418
00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:41,495
We're not gonna have him back.

419
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:43,339
♪ Troy and Abed in the morn... ♪♪

420
00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:44,531
No!

