1
00:00:01,408 --> 00:00:03,609
Oh, my God, that bag
is soaked with grease.
2
00:00:04,251 --> 00:00:06,012
I'll tell you right now,
I don't care what's in it.
3
00:00:06,046 --> 00:00:07,847
I'm eatin' it.
It's a human head.
4
00:00:07,881 --> 00:00:09,767
Well, if it's deep-fried,
I'm still in.
5
00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:13,631
Oh, Travis, this is
my favorite fried chicken!
6
00:00:13,665 --> 00:00:15,329
Oh, wow!
7
00:00:15,364 --> 00:00:16,831
Wait. Why?
8
00:00:16,866 --> 00:00:20,172
Are you on drugs?
Is someone pregnant? Huh?
9
00:00:21,556 --> 00:00:22,674
Oh, God.
You know what, Travis?
10
00:00:22,675 --> 00:00:24,696
No matter what it is, honey,
we are gonna get through it.
11
00:00:24,697 --> 00:00:26,086
Whenever they open
a new chicken dandies,
12
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,524
the first 50 people in line
get free food for a month.
13
00:00:28,559 --> 00:00:31,716
So after waiting behind a large
gentleman for 20-plus hours
14
00:00:31,717 --> 00:00:34,194
who was using a paint bucket
as a both a chair and a commode,
15
00:00:34,195 --> 00:00:36,332
you're looking at
customer number three.
16
00:00:36,675 --> 00:00:40,014
How did you wait in line so long
without missing school?
17
00:00:40,662 --> 00:00:41,649
Waffle fry?
18
00:00:42,938 --> 00:00:45,540
Did you really call Travis
in sick from school
19
00:00:45,574 --> 00:00:48,242
so you two could wait in line
for free chicken?
20
00:00:48,276 --> 00:00:49,808
Shoot. I forgot to call
his school, didn't I?
21
00:00:49,809 --> 00:00:52,133
Wow, you're still not great
at zoning in on why I'm angry.
22
00:00:52,134 --> 00:00:54,873
Look, in my defense, I just ate
a gallon jug of free coleslaw.
23
00:00:54,874 --> 00:00:56,197
My brain's
a little mayonnaise-y.
24
00:00:56,198 --> 00:00:59,432
Bobby, when it comes to Travis,
you have to talk to me first.
25
00:00:59,433 --> 00:01:00,691
I know we're divorced,
26
00:01:00,692 --> 00:01:03,620
but we still have to do all
of our parenting together, okay?
27
00:01:04,216 --> 00:01:08,481
We're a team.
Fine, but I get to pick the team mascot.
28
00:01:08,482 --> 00:01:09,968
Coleslaw!
29
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,040
Wait, let me try that again.
30
00:01:14,185 --> 00:01:17,824
You're still stuck on coleslaw.
Won't get out of my head.
31
00:01:18,728 --> 00:01:19,749
Where's Jules?
32
00:01:19,783 --> 00:01:21,951
Andy and I are going on
a romantic couples lunch,
33
00:01:21,986 --> 00:01:22,640
and I want her to come with us.
34
00:01:22,641 --> 00:01:24,492
She's across the street getting a pedicure.
35
00:01:24,493 --> 00:01:27,316
Ooh, I love that
she's doing that.
36
00:01:27,317 --> 00:01:30,162
It's nothing weird.
I just like feet.
37
00:01:30,196 --> 00:01:31,708
And Asians.
Charming.
38
00:01:31,709 --> 00:01:33,416
Wait here. I'm gonna
go to that lingerie store
39
00:01:33,417 --> 00:01:35,074
and pick out what you're
buying me for Valentine's day.
40
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:37,890
Get sexy panties.
I love panties!
41
00:01:38,719 --> 00:01:40,176
Panties and feet.
42
00:01:40,210 --> 00:01:42,284
All right. Oh, do you know
what panties are?
43
00:01:42,285 --> 00:01:45,117
They're a type of clothes
that most women wear
44
00:01:45,118 --> 00:01:47,397
under their skirts.
45
00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:49,702
Pass.
46
00:01:50,425 --> 00:01:52,225
So... what are you doing
for Valentine's day?
47
00:01:52,226 --> 00:01:54,315
You know that guy Smith I'm dating?
Nope.
48
00:01:54,316 --> 00:01:55,028
Doesn't matter.
49
00:01:55,029 --> 00:01:56,748
He's driving home
from law school.
50
00:01:56,749 --> 00:02:00,564
He wants me to meet his dad.
Isn't that romantic?
51
00:02:00,565 --> 00:02:02,489
That depends
on what you three are doin'.
52
00:02:03,475 --> 00:02:05,256
Feet, panties, Asians
and threesomes.
53
00:02:05,257 --> 00:02:06,562
Lettin' it all out today.
54
00:02:06,563 --> 00:02:09,996
My cousin runs a Web site
that you'd really be into.
55
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,330
There's actually
a picture on there
56
00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:14,133
of my bare feet dripping in honey.
You're honey toes?
57
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,755
Yeah.
Oh, my God! You are.
58
00:02:17,756 --> 00:02:20,396
This whole dad thing
just has me so nervous.
59
00:02:21,204 --> 00:02:22,115
Andy!
60
00:02:23,113 --> 00:02:24,416
Sorry. You'll be fine.
61
00:02:24,417 --> 00:02:26,650
Just do what I did
when I first met Ellie's folks...
62
00:02:26,651 --> 00:02:29,507
be yourself, only less Latino.
63
00:02:31,110 --> 00:02:35,238
Oh, look. There's a little old
bird's nest on the windowsill.
64
00:02:35,272 --> 00:02:36,942
Oh, hey, did you ever have
that conversation with Andy
65
00:02:36,943 --> 00:02:38,237
about doing some
downstairs man grooming?
66
00:02:38,238 --> 00:02:41,133
Didn't have to. I signed him up
for an eyebrow wax,
67
00:02:41,134 --> 00:02:42,802
which is really a bikini wax.
68
00:02:42,803 --> 00:02:45,267
Andy will be so turned on
by all the screaming Koreans,
69
00:02:45,268 --> 00:02:47,069
he won't know what hit him until
he's sliding around our bed
70
00:02:47,070 --> 00:02:50,034
- like a canned ham.
- I'm not really big on the manscaping.
71
00:02:50,317 --> 00:02:53,388
You don't husk the corn? Nah.
If it's humid, I might throw in
72
00:02:53,389 --> 00:02:54,830
a little leave-in conditioner
down the.
73
00:02:55,491 --> 00:02:56,572
Anyway, thanks for the coffee
74
00:02:56,573 --> 00:03:00,539
- and the really weird
personal conversation. - Bye.
75
00:03:00,540 --> 00:03:03,093
You have let too many people
into our coffee circle.
76
00:03:03,716 --> 00:03:04,432
Why don't you just invite
77
00:03:04,433 --> 00:03:06,344
those creepy home-schooled kids
from next door?
78
00:03:06,345 --> 00:03:10,798
They can wow us with math skills while they stab us to death.
Fine. Who do you want to be in our coffee circle?
79
00:03:10,799 --> 00:03:13,851
Just you and me. This is our shopping
circle argument all over again.
80
00:03:13,852 --> 00:03:16,092
So, mom, since we have
a relationship
81
00:03:16,093 --> 00:03:19,250
professionals have deemed "unhealthy"...
They have.
82
00:03:19,251 --> 00:03:21,522
That's cute. David Schoenberg's
having a party this weekend.
83
00:03:21,523 --> 00:03:23,394
Are...
no, his parents won't be there.
84
00:03:23,395 --> 00:03:25,332
Will... yes, there will be beer,
but I won't be drinking.
85
00:03:27,019 --> 00:03:28,345
How are you gonna say no?!
86
00:03:29,686 --> 00:03:31,176
This is ridiculous!
87
00:03:32,527 --> 00:03:33,398
What just happened?
88
00:03:33,628 --> 00:03:35,490
It's called parenting, Ellie.
Try and keep up.
89
00:03:36,597 --> 00:03:37,964
Jules.
90
00:03:37,998 --> 00:03:40,166
May I present...
91
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:41,467
Smith Frank.
92
00:03:41,502 --> 00:03:44,271
Wow. You're, uh, you're
even prettier than Laurie said.
93
00:03:44,305 --> 00:03:45,672
Strong start, Smith.
94
00:03:45,706 --> 00:03:47,417
Even though he dresses
like an accountant,
95
00:03:47,418 --> 00:03:50,378
check this out...
whbam! Crazy socks!
96
00:03:50,412 --> 00:03:53,080
We feel these say
I can still get funky.
97
00:03:53,115 --> 00:03:56,117
Well, it's business upstairs
and party downstairs. I like it.
98
00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:58,587
Wow, you seem perfect. Right?
99
00:03:58,621 --> 00:04:02,457
I mean, almost too perfect.
What's your dirty secret, Smith?
100
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:06,061
I will not be questioned
by a woman.
101
00:04:06,095 --> 00:04:10,099
Oh, my God. That was...
that was... funnier in my head.
102
00:04:10,133 --> 00:04:12,034
Um, I'm... I'm sorry. That was...
103
00:04:12,068 --> 00:04:14,169
yeah, I'm feeling
a little nauseous,
104
00:04:14,204 --> 00:04:16,705
- so I think I'm gonna, um...
- Sit.
105
00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:19,475
I like him.
Me, too!
106
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:20,468
Tell Henderson
that I think that
107
00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:23,109
a zero-down commercial re-fi
in a cratering economy
108
00:04:23,110 --> 00:04:25,304
is a slam dunk idea!
109
00:04:25,882 --> 00:04:29,985
Whoa. That is some grade "a"
smart guy gibberish.
110
00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:32,353
And look at this office.
111
00:04:32,388 --> 00:04:34,355
If I ever I sold my boat,
I could live here.
112
00:04:34,390 --> 00:04:37,526
- No.
- Okay, I was just thinking out loud, brother.
113
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,394
Man, you are like the big dog
114
00:04:39,429 --> 00:04:42,831
with low-hanging fruit around
here, aren't you? Watch this.
115
00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:45,768
Paul!
Yes, sir?
116
00:04:53,078 --> 00:04:55,146
See? That's work Andy.
117
00:04:55,180 --> 00:04:57,215
He's sexy. Is that how
you bagged Ellie?
118
00:04:57,249 --> 00:04:59,451
Work Andy
also makes a lot of dough.
119
00:04:59,485 --> 00:05:02,387
Gotcha. Hey, you want
to go grab lunch?
120
00:05:02,422 --> 00:05:03,812
Sorry. I gotta prep
for a meeting tomorrow.
121
00:05:03,813 --> 00:05:05,220
Big potential client.
122
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:08,560
If I manage this guy's money,
it would be a career changer.
123
00:05:08,595 --> 00:05:10,562
Oh! That's Ellie.
124
00:05:10,596 --> 00:05:12,964
She's helping me stay focused
on what's important.
125
00:05:12,999 --> 00:05:15,366
Hey, honey.
I want a new car!
126
00:05:15,401 --> 00:05:18,169
It's nice to have someone
in my corner.
127
00:05:22,076 --> 00:05:25,509
It's your old
High school photo album.
128
00:05:25,544 --> 00:05:27,812
Well, this isn't going
to go well for me, is it?
129
00:05:27,846 --> 00:05:29,814
For you? No.
For me? Delicious.
130
00:05:29,848 --> 00:05:31,300
In this picture,
131
00:05:31,301 --> 00:05:34,718
you appear to be in a moving car
with a beer in both hands.
132
00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,853
Fun!
I'm not driving.
133
00:05:36,888 --> 00:05:39,555
Oh, so I can drink
as long as I'm not driving.
134
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:41,557
You're twisting my words.
You're a word twister.
135
00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:43,926
Ellie, he's a word twister.
The hypocritical photo album.
136
00:05:43,961 --> 00:05:44,983
Keep looking, Travis.
You'll find out'
137
00:05:44,984 --> 00:05:48,462
why she named your hamsters "Jager"
and "Meister." you with beer.
138
00:05:48,921 --> 00:05:49,915
You doing shots.
139
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:52,068
Ooh! Cigarettes!
140
00:05:52,755 --> 00:05:54,271
Were those as cool
as they look?
141
00:05:54,305 --> 00:05:57,707
Sometimes. You're probably right
not to let me go to the party.
142
00:05:57,742 --> 00:05:58,907
I mean, you were allowed
to have fun as a kid.
143
00:05:58,908 --> 00:06:00,840
And now you can't even go one
night without a glass of wine.
144
00:06:00,841 --> 00:06:03,332
Yes, I can.
Okay, how about tonight?
145
00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:05,485
Well, I can't do it tonight.
It's Wednesday. Tomorrow.
146
00:06:05,486 --> 00:06:08,042
No, I can't do it tomorrow.
And then it's the weekend,
147
00:06:08,043 --> 00:06:09,843
and then, well,
that's just crazy talk.
148
00:06:09,844 --> 00:06:11,266
Um, how about
I don't drink for a night
149
00:06:11,267 --> 00:06:14,182
starting Monday morning? Mrs.
Torres, are you gonna be around later
150
00:06:14,183 --> 00:06:17,025
if I want to do an intervention?
My speech is already written.
151
00:06:17,453 --> 00:06:20,220
All right, fine!
I'll do it tonight. Good luck.
152
00:06:20,221 --> 00:06:24,971
I don't need luck, Travis.
Mmm! Mmm!
153
00:06:25,005 --> 00:06:27,439
Oh, give it to me.
154
00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:30,176
Really? Two seconds?
155
00:06:34,915 --> 00:06:37,850
What?
I'm still drinking it.
156
00:06:43,582 --> 00:06:45,783
Well, enjoy the day,
157
00:06:45,817 --> 00:06:49,384
knowing you've taken
what little social life I have
158
00:06:49,385 --> 00:06:50,787
and murdered it.
159
00:06:50,822 --> 00:06:52,956
I'm not in the mood
for the 'tude, dude.
160
00:06:52,990 --> 00:06:55,871
Rhyme-five. Thank you.
All right.
161
00:06:55,872 --> 00:06:56,559
You're incredibly annoying.
162
00:06:56,594 --> 00:06:59,128
Thanks, sweetie. Love you.
163
00:06:59,129 --> 00:07:01,102
So what are you and Andy doing
for Valentine's day?
164
00:07:02,835 --> 00:07:04,529
And buy up
all the Valentine's day cards.
165
00:07:04,530 --> 00:07:06,404
Then we watch
the forgetful husbands panic.
166
00:07:06,405 --> 00:07:08,882
There is nothing better
than watching a man
167
00:07:08,883 --> 00:07:10,636
buying a Bar Mitzvah card
trying to change
168
00:07:10,637 --> 00:07:12,268
the Star of David into a heart.
169
00:07:13,509 --> 00:07:15,612
Laurie has plans, too.
What about you?
170
00:07:15,613 --> 00:07:18,052
Who's the lucky young girl
off your boink list
171
00:07:18,053 --> 00:07:20,845
that gets the golden ticket?
On Valentine's day?
172
00:07:20,846 --> 00:07:23,894
None of them. That would
imply caring. Wrong message.
173
00:07:23,895 --> 00:07:25,112
You know what I just realized?
174
00:07:25,113 --> 00:07:27,857
You're gonna be the mistake
that all those girls learn from.
175
00:07:27,858 --> 00:07:30,345
Yeah. I do it for them.
176
00:07:30,346 --> 00:07:32,483
Well, you know,
you and I could hang out.
177
00:07:32,484 --> 00:07:35,237
You know, just as friends. You
know, we can drink some beers,
178
00:07:35,238 --> 00:07:37,351
make fun of how lame
Valentine's day is.
179
00:07:38,012 --> 00:07:38,712
But not too much
180
00:07:38,713 --> 00:07:41,177
because it's the most beautiful
holiday God ever created.
181
00:07:41,178 --> 00:07:43,809
It's a fake holiday
created by candy companies
182
00:07:43,810 --> 00:07:46,644
- to prey on sad and lonely women.
- Hello.
183
00:07:49,283 --> 00:07:51,500
Ahh. He's gonna be here
any minute.
184
00:07:51,501 --> 00:07:52,998
Oh, hey, relax.
185
00:07:52,999 --> 00:07:54,967
You wearing
those lucky boxers I got you?
186
00:07:55,001 --> 00:07:56,969
Wiener dogs and balloons!
187
00:07:57,003 --> 00:07:59,037
Yeah, baby!
188
00:07:59,072 --> 00:08:01,040
Mr. Frank is here.
189
00:08:01,074 --> 00:08:01,545
Uh, all right.
190
00:08:01,546 --> 00:08:04,179
Uh, wait 12 seconds
and then send him in. Thank you.
191
00:08:04,893 --> 00:08:06,388
All right.
192
00:08:06,389 --> 00:08:08,890
Confidence dance.
193
00:08:11,693 --> 00:08:13,661
Boom! Go get 'em, champ.
194
00:08:15,497 --> 00:08:17,565
Ah, Mr. Frank.
Please come on in.
195
00:08:17,599 --> 00:08:20,568
Robert "Bobby" Cobb. Another one
of Andrew's clients here.
196
00:08:20,602 --> 00:08:22,570
Tell Henderson I think that
197
00:08:22,604 --> 00:08:24,705
a zero-down commercial re-fi
in a cratering economy
198
00:08:24,740 --> 00:08:28,141
is a slam dunk idea. But assuming more
debt prohibits a positive cash flow,
199
00:08:28,176 --> 00:08:30,143
wouldn't you say?
200
00:08:30,178 --> 00:08:32,379
I gotta pee.
201
00:08:32,945 --> 00:08:34,047
You know, um,
202
00:08:34,082 --> 00:08:36,750
having Christmas lights up
six weeks after Christmas
203
00:08:36,785 --> 00:08:38,887
is actually dangerous.
How so?
204
00:08:38,921 --> 00:08:41,890
Because if you don't take them
down, I'm gonna feed them to you
205
00:08:41,924 --> 00:08:42,706
and then yank them
out the other end
206
00:08:42,707 --> 00:08:46,247
like I'm starting a lawn mower.
I love our little talks.
207
00:08:46,248 --> 00:08:48,188
When I'm in the treadmill
looking out the window,
208
00:08:48,189 --> 00:08:51,785
they're driving me insane.
I don't even turn 'em on. How can you see 'em?
209
00:08:51,820 --> 00:08:55,238
I know they're there. I'll take 'em down.
Okay. It's no biggie.
210
00:08:55,239 --> 00:08:58,689
It is a huge biggie.
You're in our coffee circle now,
211
00:08:58,690 --> 00:09:00,969
and Ellie considers herself
Alpha dog.
212
00:09:00,970 --> 00:09:03,418
If you give in, she's gonna
dominate you forever.
213
00:09:05,167 --> 00:09:06,285
You just make all the rules
214
00:09:06,286 --> 00:09:08,616
about parties and drinking
without talkin' to me?
215
00:09:08,617 --> 00:09:10,078
What happened to parenting
as team coleslaw?
216
00:09:10,678 --> 00:09:13,031
Have fun with that.
Now we're even.
217
00:09:13,875 --> 00:09:15,839
Travis, we'll never be even.
218
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:18,552
Do I need to show you
my scar from my c-section?
219
00:09:18,553 --> 00:09:20,336
It's got a hair
growing in it now.
220
00:09:20,337 --> 00:09:22,795
Come on, it's not that gross.
Yeah, it is.
221
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:25,873
Knocked the wind out of me. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. There's two of them.
222
00:09:27,468 --> 00:09:28,924
I like your club.
223
00:09:29,166 --> 00:09:29,855
Thank you.
224
00:09:31,217 --> 00:09:32,097
Tell me, am I the, uh,
225
00:09:32,098 --> 00:09:35,959
first Hispanic person ever to set foot in here?
Is the rock Hispanic?
226
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,410
No, but he can pass
for anything.
227
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:39,017
That's why his career
is on fire.
228
00:09:40,879 --> 00:09:41,728
Dad.
229
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:43,212
Smith.
Laurie.
230
00:09:43,213 --> 00:09:45,550
Andy?
Roger.
231
00:09:46,071 --> 00:09:47,835
Yeah, I know
I just said my own name.
232
00:09:47,869 --> 00:09:48,797
I like the sound of it.
233
00:09:48,798 --> 00:09:51,404
Plus, we haven't met.
I'm Roger Frank.
234
00:09:51,405 --> 00:09:54,001
Oh. Laurie Keller.
235
00:10:00,982 --> 00:10:03,150
Yes, the one
for needy families.
236
00:10:03,185 --> 00:10:08,655
That explains why my gift said
"for girl age 6 to 10."
237
00:10:11,813 --> 00:10:13,026
Who wants a giant drink?
238
00:10:13,060 --> 00:10:15,595
I do! Yeah, that'd be great.
Thank you.
239
00:10:15,629 --> 00:10:18,397
Yes, I decided that
our underage son can't drink.
240
00:10:18,465 --> 00:10:20,927
But to be fair, I didn't me up
that rule. America did.
241
00:10:20,928 --> 00:10:23,038
You think by just telling him
"no," he's not gonna do it?
242
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:26,767
Hell, Jules, your parents told you not to sleep with me.
Yeah, even after we were married.
243
00:10:26,768 --> 00:10:30,104
You're just creating a... really?
Yeah.
244
00:10:30,722 --> 00:10:32,476
Look, you're just creating a situation
245
00:10:32,510 --> 00:10:33,920
where Travis will be
so afraid to get caught
246
00:10:33,921 --> 00:10:36,693
he won't call for a ride home if he's been drinkin'.
Do you have a better idea?
247
00:10:36,694 --> 00:10:39,708
Maybe I do, but you might not
like it. So first...
248
00:10:39,709 --> 00:10:41,579
confidence dance!
249
00:10:44,753 --> 00:10:45,890
Jules?
250
00:10:45,924 --> 00:10:49,193
I hate that I have to do it with you.
Me on.
251
00:10:51,923 --> 00:10:54,058
So you never answered me
about Valentine's day.
252
00:10:54,092 --> 00:10:55,598
Come on, we could hang out
like two guys
253
00:10:55,599 --> 00:10:58,236
and drink beer
and have a farting contest.
254
00:10:58,887 --> 00:11:01,612
That's what guys do when they're alone, right?
That's what I do with my friends.
255
00:11:01,613 --> 00:11:04,620
So what else can we do
on our un-Valentine's day?
256
00:11:04,621 --> 00:11:07,773
Why don't we just skip it?
Okay, well, that's one idea.
257
00:11:07,807 --> 00:11:09,156
But, you know,
let's keep spit-balling.
258
00:11:09,157 --> 00:11:14,180
Any other day but today. Is that okay?
Sure. It's no big deal.
259
00:11:15,983 --> 00:11:18,284
Oh!
Oh, God.
260
00:11:18,318 --> 00:11:19,205
What are you doing?!
261
00:11:19,467 --> 00:11:22,626
Mrs. Ellie tell me
take them down the lights.
262
00:11:25,076 --> 00:11:25,725
Alpha dog.
263
00:11:27,828 --> 00:11:31,830
Hey. Let's eat quick so we can
go home and knock one out.
264
00:11:31,865 --> 00:11:34,299
I like that I never wonder
what you're thinking.
265
00:11:34,333 --> 00:11:36,601
I know. Hmm.
266
00:11:36,636 --> 00:11:39,037
I guess a quarter-of-a-million-dollar
education
267
00:11:39,071 --> 00:11:41,939
doesn't teach you not to
bed down trailer trash, right?
268
00:11:43,066 --> 00:11:43,941
Well...
269
00:11:43,976 --> 00:11:45,147
Uh, a quarter-million dollars.
270
00:11:45,148 --> 00:11:49,313
Oh, think of how many of those
watches you could've bought. One.
271
00:11:49,347 --> 00:11:50,914
Stunning, really.
272
00:11:50,949 --> 00:11:54,085
She looks like she belongs
on a truck's mud flap.
273
00:11:55,587 --> 00:11:57,755
You know, when I was a kid, you
know, whenever I saw a truck,
274
00:11:57,756 --> 00:12:00,959
I'd always, you know...
275
00:12:00,993 --> 00:12:02,861
I was...
I like trucks.
276
00:12:02,895 --> 00:12:06,131
You don't agree that Smith
is way out of her league?
277
00:12:06,165 --> 00:12:08,801
No. No, no, no.
I-I-I... I'm... I'm with you.
278
00:12:08,835 --> 00:12:10,102
I-I agree.
279
00:12:10,137 --> 00:12:11,871
Uh. That...
280
00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:14,173
That girl is not classy.
281
00:12:21,214 --> 00:12:22,807
Do you know how old I was
282
00:12:22,808 --> 00:12:24,625
the first time
I got really drunk?
283
00:12:24,626 --> 00:12:26,953
I don't know. 9?
284
00:12:26,987 --> 00:12:28,622
Ha! Trick question.
285
00:12:28,656 --> 00:12:30,824
Never been really drunk.
I have a monster tolerance.
286
00:12:30,858 --> 00:12:33,793
The point is... nod, there
is no point to that story.
287
00:12:33,828 --> 00:12:35,795
All right,
the completely new thought is,
288
00:12:35,829 --> 00:12:39,312
your mom doesn't want
you drinking. Neither do I.
289
00:12:39,313 --> 00:12:41,265
But you're gonna do what you do,
so here's the deal.
290
00:12:41,266 --> 00:12:43,881
If you drink, do not drive.
291
00:12:43,882 --> 00:12:46,237
Call me, and I'll drive you
home. No questions asked.
292
00:12:46,272 --> 00:12:49,408
Does mom know about this?
Our secret. You cool with that?
293
00:12:49,442 --> 00:12:51,644
Totally cool.
What's totally cool?
294
00:12:51,678 --> 00:12:52,662
Jazz.
Sharks.
295
00:12:52,853 --> 00:12:56,549
Jazz sharks? Yeah, you know,
the, uh, the basketball team.
296
00:12:56,583 --> 00:12:58,351
Yeah, the Miami jazz sharks.
297
00:12:58,385 --> 00:13:00,019
I guess that's cool.
298
00:13:00,053 --> 00:13:01,520
Jazz sharks!
299
00:13:01,555 --> 00:13:03,890
Ooh. Yeah, I do like it.
300
00:13:03,924 --> 00:13:07,226
She could look that up.
She's not going to.
301
00:13:10,843 --> 00:13:12,439
Oh, hey.
Happy Valentine's day, Trav.
302
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:13,887
Okay, for my present,
I want you to give me
303
00:13:13,888 --> 00:13:15,548
the same thing you gave me
when you were 5.
304
00:13:15,549 --> 00:13:18,470
I want a kiss on the lips.
Raise your hand if you find that disturbing.
305
00:13:20,039 --> 00:13:21,608
Only you, my friend.
306
00:13:22,367 --> 00:13:24,277
Oh, man, I can't believe
307
00:13:24,278 --> 00:13:26,651
all the stupid stuff we did
when I was a kid.
308
00:13:26,652 --> 00:13:28,328
I mean, it's amazing
that we didn't die.
309
00:13:28,329 --> 00:13:31,952
I almost drowned when I was 12,
bodysurfing under the pier.
310
00:13:31,953 --> 00:13:34,266
I was technically dead
for, like, two minutes.
311
00:13:34,836 --> 00:13:36,923
Luckily, no brain damage.
312
00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:38,845
Too easy.
313
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:41,308
I know that Travis thinks
I'm overprotective.
314
00:13:41,309 --> 00:13:43,076
But that's all
that parenting really is,
315
00:13:43,077 --> 00:13:44,662
is just trying
to keep your kid from dying.
316
00:13:44,663 --> 00:13:47,389
When he was a baby, it was
soft spots and swimming pools.
317
00:13:47,390 --> 00:13:48,032
And when he's 50,
318
00:13:48,033 --> 00:13:50,123
it'll be heart attacks
and Russian prostitutes.
319
00:13:50,971 --> 00:13:52,690
No, I'm not joking.
One got my uncle.
320
00:13:56,432 --> 00:13:57,432
What happened?
321
00:13:57,433 --> 00:13:59,713
Why are you in
the ball of madness?
322
00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:01,536
To suck up to Roger Frank,
323
00:14:01,537 --> 00:14:04,050
I said some really mean things
about a nice person.
324
00:14:04,637 --> 00:14:06,753
But you don't do
stuff like that. I do.
325
00:14:06,754 --> 00:14:09,224
That's why we're known as
the nice guy and the other one.
326
00:14:09,225 --> 00:14:11,472
You don't have to change
who you are to get ahead, Andy.
327
00:14:11,473 --> 00:14:14,039
Who'd you trash?
Laurie.
328
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,264
Laurie?! You tricked me!
329
00:14:16,265 --> 00:14:19,369
Ball back up and think about
what you just did! Oh!
330
00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:23,643
Are you mad because we're not
hanging out tonight?
331
00:14:23,644 --> 00:14:25,761
No, I'm good.
All good in the hood.
332
00:14:28,581 --> 00:14:31,402
I'm glad you're not mad.
I know Valentine's day is goofy.
333
00:14:31,403 --> 00:14:34,105
It's just that I haven't
spent one alone since I was 11.
334
00:14:34,106 --> 00:14:35,792
That's when the girls
showed up.
335
00:14:35,793 --> 00:14:39,008
I've had 30 straight years of
being a Valentine's day winner,
336
00:14:39,009 --> 00:14:42,141
and, well, now I'm not, and...
337
00:14:42,726 --> 00:14:44,733
That's why this one's
gonna suck.
338
00:14:45,274 --> 00:14:47,556
All right, let's see
if this thing works.
339
00:14:48,811 --> 00:14:51,057
Hello, Ellie!
340
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,588
Son of a bitch!
341
00:14:53,952 --> 00:14:54,603
Did you ow in French,
342
00:14:54,604 --> 00:14:57,117
"Valentine" means
"to get buck naked"?
343
00:14:57,616 --> 00:15:00,190
Would you like to see
me Valentine, Doris?
344
00:15:01,079 --> 00:15:02,421
You said there was free chicken.
345
00:15:06,613 --> 00:15:07,780
Hello?
346
00:15:08,761 --> 00:15:11,277
I only had, like, three beers.
I wasn't even gonna drink,
347
00:15:11,526 --> 00:15:15,054
but Dave Schoenberg went to robotics
camp, and... this some kind of nerd party?
348
00:15:15,055 --> 00:15:15,944
No.
349
00:15:16,621 --> 00:15:18,489
Anyway, Dave brought out
his beer-serving robot...
350
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:19,951
hey, we've all been there,
Buddy.
351
00:15:19,952 --> 00:15:21,708
All right, we'll get
your mom's car tomorrow.
352
00:15:21,709 --> 00:15:22,551
Now I want you
to sneak in the back
353
00:15:22,552 --> 00:15:26,118
while I create a distraction doing
trash raccoons. Trash raccoons?
354
00:15:26,119 --> 00:15:27,502
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go!
355
00:15:27,763 --> 00:15:29,791
Go! Go! Go!
356
00:15:37,932 --> 00:15:39,444
I was married to your dad
for 20 years.
357
00:15:39,445 --> 00:15:41,118
You think I don't know
trash raccoons?
358
00:15:41,986 --> 00:15:44,533
Let me smell your breath.
Mnh-mnh.
359
00:15:46,973 --> 00:15:49,475
Have you ever gone against
everything you stand for
360
00:15:49,509 --> 00:15:51,977
just for money?
Many, many times.
361
00:15:53,313 --> 00:15:56,415
Smith's dad told me
what you said about me.
362
00:15:56,449 --> 00:15:58,050
"Not classy," huh?
363
00:15:58,084 --> 00:16:00,085
I thought
we were friends, Andy.
364
00:16:00,119 --> 00:16:02,688
I am so sorry. You know what?
Hit me. I deserve it.
365
00:16:02,722 --> 00:16:05,057
Just not in the crotch
'cause I wanna have another kid.
366
00:16:05,091 --> 00:16:07,192
Ellie doesn't know that
so please don't say anything.
367
00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:09,261
All right, go ahead.
Wait. Go ahead.
368
00:16:11,530 --> 00:16:15,533
We're totally kidding, dude. Ah.
That was not a strong moment for you.
369
00:16:15,568 --> 00:16:19,470
No, for him, that was okay.
So we're... we're all good then?
370
00:16:19,505 --> 00:16:20,645
Andy, I get that you're being
371
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,655
all business chummy
with his dad.
372
00:16:22,656 --> 00:16:25,076
I am so not offended.
373
00:16:25,111 --> 00:16:27,678
Plus, honey, I have
been called way worse...
374
00:16:27,713 --> 00:16:30,248
skank, tramp, white devil.
375
00:16:30,282 --> 00:16:32,983
I liked that one so much
I put it on my license plate.
376
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:37,221
Hey, Grayson.
Here's your bush.
377
00:16:39,057 --> 00:16:42,726
Hey, honey!
Hi... hey, babe.
378
00:16:44,729 --> 00:16:47,263
You're grounded.
No car and a curfew.
379
00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:51,100
And say good-bye to
your little swimsuit calendar.
380
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:52,202
Why?
381
00:16:52,236 --> 00:16:52,777
Well, it's not
part of the punishment.
382
00:16:52,778 --> 00:16:57,174
It's just obvious.
Dude, don't be that guy. Whatever.
383
00:16:57,208 --> 00:17:00,411
"Whatever"?! Did you just
"whatever" me? Really?
384
00:17:00,446 --> 00:17:02,164
Hey, how did you get home tonight?
385
00:17:02,165 --> 00:17:04,420
Tell me you didn't drive.
I dint.
386
00:17:04,421 --> 00:17:08,087
Well, then how'd you get home?
387
00:17:13,089 --> 00:17:14,960
Have I looked at these
long enough
388
00:17:14,961 --> 00:17:16,853
for you to believe
that I checked them over?
389
00:17:16,854 --> 00:17:20,049
I didn't bring my reading glasses.
Very convincing, sir.
390
00:17:20,050 --> 00:17:22,475
Excellent. Let's seal the deal
with a toast.
391
00:17:23,045 --> 00:17:25,799
Uh, Mr. Frank, I need to
clear the air about something.
392
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,189
I said some really mean things
393
00:17:27,190 --> 00:17:30,875
about the young woman your son
is seeing, and they aren't true.
394
00:17:30,876 --> 00:17:34,345
Laurie is actually a, uh,
a great girl with a big heart.
395
00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:36,380
And you should be happy
Smith is with her.
396
00:17:37,212 --> 00:17:39,064
I'm waiting for the punch line.
397
00:17:39,065 --> 00:17:41,601
Yeah. Uh, there...
there is no punch line.
398
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:44,188
But I can only hope you'll
respect me a little bit more
399
00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:45,462
for being truthful.
400
00:17:47,469 --> 00:17:50,166
You're not even gonna let me
finish my steak, are ya? No.
401
00:17:50,995 --> 00:17:52,600
Come on!
402
00:17:52,635 --> 00:17:54,936
Sorry, dad.
Mom's gonna crush you.
403
00:17:54,970 --> 00:17:57,773
Don't worry about it, okay?
Our deal still stands.
404
00:17:57,807 --> 00:17:59,908
You always call
if you need me.
405
00:17:59,942 --> 00:18:02,444
Thank you.
Travis.
406
00:18:02,479 --> 00:18:03,504
I need to talk to your dad.
407
00:18:04,012 --> 00:18:06,348
Bobby, I cannot believe...
408
00:18:06,383 --> 00:18:08,784
We pulled this off!
Oh, my God!
409
00:18:08,818 --> 00:18:10,176
Your plan worked!
410
00:18:10,177 --> 00:18:13,823
I stick to my rule... drinking
equals massive punishment...
411
00:18:13,857 --> 00:18:17,092
But if he does drink, I drive
him home, keep him alive.
412
00:18:17,127 --> 00:18:19,862
Wait, doesn't he know you're
always gonna rat him out to me
413
00:18:19,896 --> 00:18:24,133
before you go pick him up? Nope.
He thinks I'm his buy. Kid's a dope.
414
00:18:24,168 --> 00:18:26,002
Bobby Cobb, you're a genius.
415
00:18:26,036 --> 00:18:27,601
Hey, that's the first time
you called me a genius
416
00:18:27,602 --> 00:18:31,541
without being like,
"way to go, genius."
417
00:18:31,575 --> 00:18:32,509
Well, I think
that this event...
418
00:18:32,510 --> 00:18:34,552
like any event in life,
good or bad...
419
00:18:34,553 --> 00:18:36,703
calls for a glass of wine.
Okay?
420
00:18:36,704 --> 00:18:39,100
Ooh, rain check, J-bird.
I got plans.
421
00:18:39,101 --> 00:18:42,054
It's Valentine's day,
for God sake.
422
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,287
I forgot.
423
00:18:44,321 --> 00:18:47,424
"It's Valentine's day." eh.
424
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:51,838
I felt so bad
that I got you this
425
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:54,574
it's gonna grow to be
exactly like your old bush.
426
00:18:54,609 --> 00:18:56,543
You know, in a thousand years.
427
00:18:56,577 --> 00:18:59,279
Until then, just consider it
a friendly reminder
428
00:18:59,313 --> 00:19:02,482
that it's just much easier
to do what I want you to do.
429
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:03,750
Thank you.
430
00:19:03,784 --> 00:19:07,687
Oh!
I got you something, too.
431
00:19:13,433 --> 00:19:16,730
Oh. You're pretty proud
of yourself, aren't ya?
432
00:19:18,966 --> 00:19:20,534
It's beautiful!
433
00:19:28,773 --> 00:19:32,232
Aah look at the sad girl,
with her silk sweater.
434
00:19:37,249 --> 00:19:40,468
Merry Valentine's day!
435
00:19:40,728 --> 00:19:43,954
Look what you did.
I figured it wouldn't be so bad
436
00:19:43,989 --> 00:19:46,056
to spend tonight
with a few friends.
437
00:19:46,091 --> 00:19:47,558
Plus, Ellie's here.
438
00:19:47,592 --> 00:19:50,662
You'll get yours, my friend.
And, you... I am so sorry I blew it.
439
00:19:50,696 --> 00:19:53,865
I am so proud of you.
Don't tell anyone.
440
00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:57,737
Now who wants champagne?
I do.
441
00:19:57,771 --> 00:20:00,039
Get back in your room, Travis.
442
00:20:00,963 --> 00:20:02,609
Thanks for doing this.
443
00:20:03,671 --> 00:20:06,079
No problem.
444
00:20:12,435 --> 00:20:14,236
Okay, time to get real.
445
00:20:14,271 --> 00:20:18,207
You don't like me, and I don't like you.
Correct? Absolutely.
446
00:20:18,208 --> 00:20:19,462
I don't like him either.
447
00:20:19,463 --> 00:20:23,381
Smith, don't disrespect
your father. It's not sexy.
448
00:20:23,382 --> 00:20:24,951
Well, is this sexy?
449
00:20:25,820 --> 00:20:26,848
What?
450
00:20:27,403 --> 00:20:29,137
It is Valentine's day, right?
451
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,244
Smith! Oh, my God!
452
00:20:31,782 --> 00:20:33,459
No! You...
453
00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:35,822
It's tight.
454
00:20:36,267 --> 00:20:37,987
Oh!
I... I... I can't...
455
00:20:38,243 --> 00:20:39,666
I...
456
00:20:40,401 --> 00:20:42,784
Dad? It was...
it was just a joke!
457
00:20:43,026 --> 00:20:45,084
I know. She warned me.
458
00:20:47,974 --> 00:20:51,186
Why? I thought this would be funnier.
It totally was. Fist pound. No...
459
00:20:51,187 --> 00:20:55,731
Sync by yyets.net corrected dny238
transcript by addic7ed.com