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[Mary Alice] Previously on
Desperate Housewives:
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I have another child, Lynette.
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[Carlos] You gave me permission.
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Not to sleep with the woman
who's carrying our child!
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For some, love will wither...
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- [Bree] Do I know you?
- Orson Hodge. Susan's dentist friend.
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... while others will wait for love.
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For others, new love will bloom...
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... that may never arrive.
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Something awful happened
on Lakeview Drive last year.
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To understand why, you need to know
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that, when Alma Hodge
awoke that morning,
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she had no idea this would be
the day she'd leave her husband.
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Certainly, it began normally enough.
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She put away the groceries
per his instructions.
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She hung his dry cleaning
exactly as he had requested.
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She folded the towels
just as he had taught her.
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It was just before noon...
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Mama loves her baby.
Does the baby love Mama?
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Mama.
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... when something inside Alma broke
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and she decided
it was time to fly away.
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Of course, she knew better
than to say this to her husband.
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He thought Alma was happy.
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And Orson Hodge
did not like to be contradicted.
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So she waited till he'd left for work.
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And then...
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Baby, you gotta come down now.
Mama's in a hurry.
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Hurry. Hurry.
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If you don't get back in your cage right
now, I have to leave you behind. Please.
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The next day, Carolyn Bigsby stopped by.
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And, like most nosy neighbors,
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she knew you learned more
if you didn't knock.
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Alma? Are you home?
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- Carolyn?
- I was just looking for Alma.
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We had a coffee date this morning.
She never showed.
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- Uh, Alma left yesterday.
- Left?
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We had a bit of a row.
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Oh.
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Harvey and I thought we heard
some raised voices. So where'd she go?
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Don't know. But I wouldn't worry
about it. I'm sure she's fine.
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So if I hear from Alma,
I'll let her know that you dropped by.
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[Mary Alice] Yes, Orson Hodge was a man
who did not like to be contradicted...
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... by anyone.
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It doesn't rain very often
in the town of Fairview.
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But when it does, it pours.
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It was on just such a day
that Bree Van de Kamp
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went on her first date
with her new friend, Orson Hodge,
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a date that ended
with a kiss in the rain.
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This occurred
just as Gabrielle Solis was conferring
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with her new divorce lawyer
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and describing, in vivid detail,
her husband's affair with their maid,
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who also happened to be their surrogate.
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Meanwhile, Lynette Scavo was busy
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meeting her husband's
illegitimate daughter...
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[chatter]
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... while resisting the urge
to strangle the girl's mother.
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This happened just after
Susan Mayer learned Mike Delfino
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had been badly injured
in a hit-and-run accident
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and was now in a coma
at Fairview Memorial Hospital.
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At that same moment, Edie Britt
was putting up a for-sale sign
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on the lawn of the house
where I once lived.
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Edie had also planned to spruce up the
property by washing down the driveway,
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but she was pleased to see
the rain had already taken care of that.
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This is what rainy days are good for.
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They make everything clean again...
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... which is necessary
on a street like Wisteria Lane,
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where everything can get so messy.
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[thunder]
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Welcome, welcome.
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Oh.
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Don't worry about the water. The wood
floors are laminated. Here's a flyer.
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[Karen] The police found
her severed fingers in the garage.
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- [woman] Oh, no.
- And they never found Felicia's body.
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I wouldn't be surprised if someday
you open a cabinet, and hello!
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Karen, dear. Have you seen
the marble backsplash?
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I just must show it to you. Excuse us.
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What are you trying to do to me,
you backstabbing cow?
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They asked why the owner was selling.
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I told them that Paul Young was in jail.
They asked why. Conversation has a flow.
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Well, knock it off.
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I've been trying to unload this house
for months. You are not helping.
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[Edie chiding]
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Those are for potential buyers,
you withered old mooch.
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Good luck trying to find one of those.
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Maybe it'll be easier
with the Applewhite house
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- and that rec room in the basement.
- Get out.
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Get out. Get out, get out, get out.
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- Edie? Do you have a moment, please?
- Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
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- [kids] Yeah! Yeah!
- [Tom] Guys.
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- Settle down.
- Come on!
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- Is Kayla ready yet?
- Just a sec.
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Honey, thank you for this.
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It's a little weird, a family Christmas
photo with your husband's love child.
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It means a lot to her to feel included.
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No problem.
She's a great little girl. OK?
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All right, let's do this.
I am just going to check the focus.
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- Nora.
- Lynette.
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Uh-huh. What are you doing there?
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Well, it's a family photo, right?
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Tom, could I check your tie again?
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She sat down so quickly,
I didn't know what to say.
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How about,
"You're in the frame, bitch. Move."
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- Lynette...
- No, I am sorry.
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How much of her crap
do I have to put up with?
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First, it's little drop-bys,
then she's inviting herself to dinner.
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Now she wants to be in our
Christmas photo? That's not happening.
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Hey, guys.
Don't fight. It's the holidays.
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Nora... this is just for our family.
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I would prefer if you weren't in it.
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Oh.
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OK.
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Kayla, honey, we gotta go.
They're kicking us out.
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We didn't say that Kayla
couldn't be in the photo.
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Yeah, well, you know what? If I'm not
your family, then she's not your family.
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It's OK.
I don't have to be in the picture.
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Fine. Fine. No, absolutely fine.
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Put Crazy at the end
and we can crop her out later.
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Fair enough. Everything's OK.
It's OK. Come on, guys. Come on back.
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[Nora] Thank you, Lynette.
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That's the Christmas spirit
that I was looking for.
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- Ten seconds.
- [camera whirring]
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[camera beeping]
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[sighs] I think this is a little stiff.
I have a really fun idea.
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[all gasp]
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Where are my crackers?
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We're out, but I got you a pickle.
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Pickles and soup? Who eats that?
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- You know, that's all I got.
- Ever heard of a store?
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- You did not just do that.
- I hate pickles.
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Pick it up.
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Doctor say I only
get out of bed to pee.
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Better for baby, remember?
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Don't go. I need you to rub my feet.
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- They're sore. And doctor say...
- Cut it out, Xiao Mei.
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He didn't say anything
about rubbing your chubby stumps.
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Rub them yourself.
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You treat me like dirt.
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Would you rather go live with Mr. Solis
in a dingy one-bedroom apartment
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with no air conditioning and no cable?
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No, I didn't think so.
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You are meanest person I know.
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I am the meanest person you know.
You've been in this country a year.
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- Modify your nouns, damn it.
- What a bitch.
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I can't wait for you to pop out
that baby, because when you do,
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I am putting you
on the first plane to Shanghai.
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You're gonna be on all fours in a rice
paddy before the epidural wears off.
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But you promised
to get me apartment in Chinatown,
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so I can work for my friend
in restaurant, start a new life.
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Tell it to my Chinese friend, Sue Me.
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We do have people in the hospital
who could do that.
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But I like doing it.
I think Mike would want me to. Oops.
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So have you got the results
of his latest MRI yet?
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- I'm afraid there was no change.
- Oh.
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Well, how long
until you can do another one?
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I don't wanna tell you
not to be optimistic...
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It's been six months, but he
could still come out of it, right?
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I saw on the news, this woman
in Peru woke up after ten years.
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There's a reason that made the news.
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You might think I'm naive,
but I know he's coming back to me.
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- Susan...
- Don't say it.
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You just keep doing your job,
and I'll keep doing mine.
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Oops.
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[thunder]
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That risotto was perfect.
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Just like you.
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Listen, I hope
you saved room for dessert.
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I got us something special
from a wonderful little bakery downtown.
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[Bree] Ooh.
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That is so adorable. But I
don't think I can eat another bite.
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Here, let me take half.
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What do you say, Bree?
Will you marry me?
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[exhales]
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This is a little sudden, isn't it?
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We've only known each other six months,
but I've loved you every minute of it.
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- But if you don't share my feelings...
- No, no, um...
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00:13:08,053 --> 00:13:11,921
I do. It's just that
I can't help being cautious.
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Since Rex,
I haven't been exactly lucky in love.
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I used to feel the same way.
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When Alma left me, I was shattered.
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I realize now
it was the luckiest day of my life
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because it meant I was free
when I met you.
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Luck can change, Bree.
Let me change yours.
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Yes.
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Yes?
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00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:44,987
Yes, I will marry you, Orson.
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[exhales]
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[Mary Alice] Ian Hainsworth
had been miserable
191
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ever since a tragic
horseback riding accident
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had left his wife, Jane, in a coma.
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00:14:24,396 --> 00:14:26,421
For the next three years,
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00:14:26,498 --> 00:14:29,433
he shied away from all social contact
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00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:32,334
because he wanted
to be alone with his grief.
196
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Then one day he met Susan Mayer,
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00:14:39,245 --> 00:14:41,440
who, because of her own tragedy,
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00:14:41,513 --> 00:14:44,482
was just as miserable as he was.
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And a friendship slowly blossomed,
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because, as everyone knows,
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misery loves company.
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00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:59,425
And Ian was loving this company
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00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:04,232
more and more every day.
204
00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:11,976
...two... three...
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00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:15,036
Itch, itch, itch, itch, itch.
Itch, itch, itch.
206
00:15:15,114 --> 00:15:17,810
- Do the nurses know you do this?
- Oh, hey.
207
00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:20,408
- You weren't supposed to see that.
- Clearly.
208
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:24,047
But you can buy my silence
if you'll have coffee with me.
209
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:26,114
I would love to, but I'm in a rush.
210
00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:29,422
I'm supposed to meet my girlfriends
for lunch. Is it one yet?
211
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:33,556
You tell me. I noticed you're always
rushing into the hall to check the time,
212
00:15:33,632 --> 00:15:36,294
so I bought you this.
213
00:15:36,368 --> 00:15:37,858
Oh.
214
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,462
Wow. [laughs] Um,
215
00:15:40,539 --> 00:15:42,336
I can't accept this.
216
00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:44,706
- This is too extravagant.
- It's nothing.
217
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,177
A guy had a bunch of them
laid out on a blanket.
218
00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,407
If you look closely, it says Folex.
219
00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:52,979
- Still, I...
- Please.
220
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:55,520
It would make me so happy
if you took it.
221
00:15:57,589 --> 00:16:00,524
Well, in that case,
thank you for my cheap knockoff.
222
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,788
Oh, my God, I'm late.
223
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:19,802
- Hi, hi, hi, hi.
- Hi.
224
00:16:19,878 --> 00:16:23,507
- I'm so sorry I'm late.
- [Lynette] No, that's fine.
225
00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:26,608
White gloves.
Are we having luncheon in the 1880s?
226
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:30,815
Well, it's a very elegant club.
Orson's been a member here for years.
227
00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:33,858
It'll be even nicer
when they finish the construction.
228
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:37,362
You were mysterious on the phone.
Why did you want to have lunch?
229
00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:41,661
Well, I wanted to invite you to a dinner
Orson and I are having this Saturday.
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00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:45,101
So you asked us to a meal
to announce another meal?
231
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:47,570
That's so Bree of you.
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00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:50,906
- What's the occasion?
- Oh, um, no occasion.
233
00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:54,503
- Just a little get-together.
- What are you being so coy about?
234
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:57,208
- I'm not being coy.
- She said, coyly.
235
00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:00,314
If you don't tell us, we're not coming.
236
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,514
All right.
237
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:07,991
I wanted to wait
and make a proper announcement, but...
238
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,759
- Orson and I are engaged.
- [Gabby] Oh, my gosh.
239
00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:16,494
- Let me see.
- You move fast.
240
00:17:16,568 --> 00:17:19,594
I know it's quick,
but it just feels so right.
241
00:17:19,671 --> 00:17:25,576
Orson is just the most warm,
wonderful, generous man.
242
00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:28,238
Generous.
That means he's good in the sack.
243
00:17:28,313 --> 00:17:31,544
Actually, no, we haven't had sex yet.
244
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:33,608
We're waiting until we get married.
245
00:17:41,427 --> 00:17:44,191
Oh, my God, you're serious?
246
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:47,164
No sex at all? Not even...?
247
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,200
Whatever you're alluding to, no.
248
00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:51,429
But you're gonna get married.
249
00:17:51,503 --> 00:17:55,405
You wouldn't buy a car without at least
taking it for a little test drive.
250
00:17:55,474 --> 00:17:58,910
It's not like you've never slept
with a guy you weren't married to.
251
00:17:58,977 --> 00:18:02,003
True, I have, in the past,
given myself away too freely.
252
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:05,608
How charming to bring that up
while I'm announcing my engagement.
253
00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:08,414
But I like to think
I have learned from my mistakes.
254
00:18:08,487 --> 00:18:10,478
So, the dinner is at 8:00.
255
00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:15,084
And when we make the announcement,
please, everybody look surprised.
256
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:19,062
I'm going to replay the look when
I found out you hadn't banged him yet.
257
00:18:19,131 --> 00:18:20,530
[gasps]
258
00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:31,700
- [high-pitched voice] Hey, sexy mama.
- That's cute.
259
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:34,268
You invited Kayla
to Parker's birthday party?
260
00:18:34,346 --> 00:18:36,541
- Of course.
- And?
261
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:38,845
- And?
- What did you tell Nora?
262
00:18:38,917 --> 00:18:44,184
I told her that we were picking up Kayla
for a quiet afternoon at home.
263
00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:46,156
- You lied?
- Damn straight, I lied.
264
00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:49,626
I will not have that lunatic
ruining one more family gathering.
265
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:52,789
But Kayla's gonna, you know,
tell Nora that we had a party,
266
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:56,028
and I'm just afraid
that Nora's gonna blow a gasket.
267
00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:01,736
- What?
- So, what are you saying?
268
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:05,538
- You're more afraid of Nora than of me?
- Is that what you think I meant?
269
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:08,341
Because that is so not what I meant.
270
00:19:09,681 --> 00:19:13,048
- You scare the hell out of me, baby.
- Thank you.
271
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:20,786
The coffee machine was broken,
so I got smoothies.
272
00:19:20,859 --> 00:19:24,158
- They had strawberry and strawberry.
- I hate strawberry.
273
00:19:24,229 --> 00:19:26,857
So give me the strawberry.
274
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:32,726
Hi, Jane.
275
00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:37,537
Nothing against smoothies, but
I wouldn't mind some real food sometime.
276
00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:41,204
- Maybe we could go to a restaurant.
- You mean outside the hospital?
277
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:42,872
Yeah, you know, like a date.
278
00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:45,178
A date? [gasps]
279
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:48,481
Yeah. There's a lovely little bistro
down the street.
280
00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:50,886
I'm so... I'm really, really sorry.
281
00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:55,858
Well, that sounds just...
That sounds great.
282
00:19:57,462 --> 00:20:00,056
- I mean, I hope that's OK.
- Yeah.
283
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:10,298
So, I was thinking about how
that sounded just now, the date thing.
284
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:12,866
I really sprang it on you
out of nowhere.
285
00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:14,845
Yes, you did.
286
00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:23,813
Jane looked cold.
287
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,117
Oh.
288
00:20:25,190 --> 00:20:26,851
Thanks.
289
00:20:26,925 --> 00:20:30,486
Look, we're both
in difficult situations.
290
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:33,326
I've been in mine
a lot longer than you have.
291
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,389
If you're not ready, I understand.
292
00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:40,097
If you ever should be, let me know.
293
00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:42,606
All right.
294
00:20:42,674 --> 00:20:44,403
I am really hungry.
295
00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:49,243
Well, then, let's go to the blood bank
and swipe some sugar cookies.
296
00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:54,108
Oh, um,
297
00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:59,180
you might wanna give Jane a sponge
bath. She had a little accident.
298
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,620
[children screaming, laughing]
299
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:11,596
[telephone ringing]
300
00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:13,638
- Hello?
- Hey, Lynette, it's me.
301
00:21:14,706 --> 00:21:16,503
Hey, Nora.
302
00:21:19,611 --> 00:21:20,942
Are you having a party?
303
00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:23,811
Shh! Quiet, quiet, quiet. No.
304
00:21:24,049 --> 00:21:26,176
[fakes static]
No, of course not.
305
00:21:26,251 --> 00:21:31,086
In fact, we're just having
a quiet afternoon at home.
306
00:21:31,156 --> 00:21:34,956
The kids are so bored. We were thinking
of taking them out for ice cream.
307
00:21:35,861 --> 00:21:39,661
Well, would you tell Kayla
that Mommy called to check on her?
308
00:21:39,731 --> 00:21:41,926
I will, I will.
And I'll see you tonight.
309
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,991
OK. Bye.
310
00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:48,132
- You think she bought it?
- No.
311
00:21:48,206 --> 00:21:51,334
I think she'll be over here
in ten minutes.
312
00:21:51,410 --> 00:21:53,207
OK, let's move, let's move.
313
00:21:53,278 --> 00:21:58,113
I've got ten bucks here for the kid
who can carry the most stuff, OK?
314
00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:02,152
Hey, Gabby, it's Lynette.
Got a little emergency here.
315
00:22:02,220 --> 00:22:05,314
Is it OK if we use your backyard?
316
00:22:05,390 --> 00:22:07,915
Great, great.
317
00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:12,327
And we take complete responsibility
for whatever the pony does.
318
00:22:12,397 --> 00:22:14,729
Hope you get this message soon.
319
00:22:14,966 --> 00:22:16,399
Oh!
320
00:22:18,303 --> 00:22:20,828
My only concern
would be the neighborhood.
321
00:22:20,906 --> 00:22:23,966
We really need a quiet place
for our retirement.
322
00:22:24,042 --> 00:22:25,737
Oh, are you kidding?
323
00:22:25,811 --> 00:22:28,974
There's no place in Fairview
that's more peaceful.
324
00:22:29,047 --> 00:22:33,882
[Lynette] Where the hell's the pony?
OK, guys. Come on, come on, come on!
325
00:22:35,721 --> 00:22:37,814
Let me show you the media room.
326
00:22:37,889 --> 00:22:40,756
OK, go on in. And the balloons.
327
00:22:40,826 --> 00:22:43,420
Good, good. All right.
328
00:22:43,495 --> 00:22:46,089
OK. That's it. Everybody's in.
329
00:22:47,599 --> 00:22:49,464
Where's the cake?
330
00:22:49,534 --> 00:22:51,525
Oh, crap.
331
00:22:56,274 --> 00:22:58,037
Yoo-hoo!
332
00:22:58,110 --> 00:23:00,544
Anybody home?
333
00:23:05,550 --> 00:23:07,518
- Hello?
- Hey, Nora.
334
00:23:07,586 --> 00:23:11,044
Wow. We weren't expecting you
until seven.
335
00:23:11,123 --> 00:23:15,355
- So where's Kayla?
- Tom took the kids to the movies.
336
00:23:15,427 --> 00:23:19,420
Uh-uh. You said ice cream.
337
00:23:19,931 --> 00:23:22,491
Uh-huh. After the movies.
338
00:23:22,567 --> 00:23:25,297
Movies then ice cream.
An American tradition.
339
00:23:26,138 --> 00:23:28,129
So, is something wrong?
340
00:23:32,677 --> 00:23:36,738
To be honest, I thought
that you were lying and having a party.
341
00:23:36,815 --> 00:23:40,478
- I guess I was wrong.
- Oh, apology accepted.
342
00:23:40,552 --> 00:23:43,146
Want me to walk you to your car?
343
00:23:48,193 --> 00:23:50,252
Where did everybody go?
344
00:23:53,064 --> 00:23:57,023
Nora, look, I am sorry I lied,
but, you know, you gave me no choice.
345
00:23:57,102 --> 00:24:00,037
Lynette, I want my daughter.
346
00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:03,165
Where's the damn party?
347
00:24:03,241 --> 00:24:05,903
- No. I'm not telling.
- Where's the party?
348
00:24:20,192 --> 00:24:23,753
No, no, no. You want in,
you're gonna have to go through me.
349
00:24:23,829 --> 00:24:26,559
I want my kid, Lynette.
350
00:24:26,631 --> 00:24:29,600
Kayla! Kayla, come out here now!
351
00:24:29,668 --> 00:24:31,465
What is going on?
352
00:24:31,536 --> 00:24:35,165
Well, first you have a party
and you don't invite me.
353
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:39,108
And then you lie about it.
So now we're leaving.
354
00:24:39,177 --> 00:24:42,738
Well, wait a minute.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, Kayla.
355
00:24:43,882 --> 00:24:45,941
I'm sorry.
356
00:24:46,017 --> 00:24:49,248
We're sorry. We shouldn't have done it.
357
00:24:49,321 --> 00:24:51,846
But, look, Kayla is having
such a good time.
358
00:24:51,923 --> 00:24:55,256
Why don't we all just have some cake
and we can...? Lynette.
359
00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:59,593
We can just have fun.
Could you excuse me for one second?
360
00:24:59,664 --> 00:25:01,461
Lynette.
361
00:25:01,533 --> 00:25:06,197
OK, OK, I know, but what else
could I do? I'm just thinking of Kayla.
362
00:25:06,271 --> 00:25:09,399
I know you are, Tom,
and I know you love her.
363
00:25:09,474 --> 00:25:12,443
Why else do you think
I'm willing to put up with all this?
364
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,604
Why I'll say to my college roommates,
365
00:25:14,679 --> 00:25:18,672
"That's my husband's love child and
her mother in our Christmas picture."
366
00:25:18,750 --> 00:25:21,651
Because I am your wife.
367
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:23,688
You always come first with me.
368
00:25:26,558 --> 00:25:29,322
Do I still come first with you?
369
00:25:37,269 --> 00:25:41,228
- I guess I'll see you later, Nora.
- Well, I'm taking Kayla.
370
00:25:41,306 --> 00:25:45,538
Well, that's a shame.
I've gotta go hoist a pinata.
371
00:25:47,245 --> 00:25:49,270
Mommy, they have a pinata.
372
00:25:58,590 --> 00:26:02,526
Fine. I'll be back at seven.
373
00:26:02,594 --> 00:26:06,724
But there had better be
a corner piece of cake waiting for me.
374
00:26:09,601 --> 00:26:12,968
Come on, Kayla. Go have some fun.
Go have some fun.
375
00:26:20,512 --> 00:26:22,844
- Thank you for that.
- Sure.
376
00:26:23,949 --> 00:26:27,112
- I'll be back in 20 minutes.
- Gonna go buy a pinata?
377
00:26:27,919 --> 00:26:29,910
Sure am.
378
00:26:34,726 --> 00:26:36,785
Xiao Mei?
379
00:26:36,861 --> 00:26:39,193
Come on out. I have your lunch.
380
00:26:41,766 --> 00:26:44,735
Xiao Mei, your favorite soap is on.
381
00:26:44,803 --> 00:26:48,034
There's a doctor fondling a patient
on the operating table.
382
00:26:48,106 --> 00:26:50,472
You're missing it.
383
00:26:50,542 --> 00:26:52,032
Xiao Mei?
384
00:26:55,380 --> 00:26:56,870
Xiao Mei?
385
00:27:11,029 --> 00:27:15,363
Hey, quick question.
Have you by any chance seen Xiao Mei?
386
00:27:16,968 --> 00:27:20,131
- I can't believe you lost our baby.
- I did not lose our baby.
387
00:27:20,205 --> 00:27:22,605
Stop saying that.
I know exactly where it is.
388
00:27:22,674 --> 00:27:26,974
Inside some crazy Chinese woman
who stole half a chicken from my fridge.
389
00:27:34,886 --> 00:27:38,652
Hi. Hi. Li Wang, right?
390
00:27:38,723 --> 00:27:42,159
Remember me? Xiao Mei lives with me.
You came over. We had lunch.
391
00:27:42,227 --> 00:27:45,355
You've got some nerve
showing your face here. Get out.
392
00:27:45,430 --> 00:27:49,662
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened
to that famous Chinese hospitality?
393
00:27:49,734 --> 00:27:52,567
Xiao Mei said you threatened
to send her back to China
394
00:27:52,637 --> 00:27:54,969
to work as a slave in a rice paddy.
395
00:27:57,409 --> 00:28:00,037
I may have mentioned deportation,
396
00:28:00,111 --> 00:28:02,545
but I didn't think
she'd take it personally.
397
00:28:02,614 --> 00:28:04,980
- Are you crazy?
- It was banter.
398
00:28:05,050 --> 00:28:09,612
Has this country come to the point
where you can't joke with the help?
399
00:28:09,688 --> 00:28:11,781
You treat Xiao Mei like dirt.
400
00:28:11,856 --> 00:28:15,053
She's just a poor girl
trying to live the American dream,
401
00:28:15,126 --> 00:28:16,991
just like your ancestors.
402
00:28:17,762 --> 00:28:20,287
Don't give me that
We Are The World crap.
403
00:28:20,365 --> 00:28:23,061
That woman's uterus
is harboring a stolen baby.
404
00:28:23,134 --> 00:28:25,227
If you know where she is, start talking,
405
00:28:25,303 --> 00:28:27,271
or I'll get the health department
406
00:28:27,338 --> 00:28:31,069
to take a closer look at what
you're serving as moo shu pork.
407
00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:40,348
Boy, those people just don't have
a sense of humor, do they?
408
00:28:40,418 --> 00:28:43,512
I'm telling you, at this number,
it's not gonna last long.
409
00:28:43,588 --> 00:28:48,218
We like the neighborhood, but some
odd things have gone on with this house.
410
00:28:48,293 --> 00:28:52,389
Complete fabrication. Malicious lies
spread by jealous competitors.
411
00:28:52,464 --> 00:28:54,659
Now you've gotta check out this storage.
412
00:28:54,733 --> 00:28:57,600
You're not gonna believe
what you can fit in here.
413
00:29:01,606 --> 00:29:04,575
And now the media room.
414
00:29:04,642 --> 00:29:07,975
Wow, we certainly devoured
that ice cream.
415
00:29:08,046 --> 00:29:10,844
- Can I get you anything else?
- You tell me.
416
00:29:12,350 --> 00:29:14,375
- Orson.
- Mmm?
417
00:29:14,986 --> 00:29:17,511
[Bree moans]
418
00:29:17,589 --> 00:29:19,284
I thought we...
419
00:29:19,357 --> 00:29:20,654
Orson.
420
00:29:20,725 --> 00:29:25,321
- I just assumed, now we're engaged...
- Does that change our core values?
421
00:29:25,396 --> 00:29:26,886
No.
422
00:29:26,965 --> 00:29:30,833
But when I saw you standing in front
of the freezer in a clingy silk dress,
423
00:29:30,902 --> 00:29:33,564
let's just say, well,
it challenged them.
424
00:29:33,638 --> 00:29:37,233
Well, I thought we agreed we wanted
our wedding night to be perfect.
425
00:29:37,308 --> 00:29:42,007
Yes, but actors want opening night
to be perfect. That's why they rehearse.
426
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:44,071
It'll be better this way.
427
00:29:45,450 --> 00:29:48,476
Now, can I get you some more ice cream?
428
00:29:49,954 --> 00:29:51,945
Not in that dress.
429
00:29:59,264 --> 00:30:00,822
[exhales]
430
00:30:06,371 --> 00:30:07,702
Hi.
431
00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:18,146
So, I need to ask you something.
432
00:30:19,617 --> 00:30:23,519
Ian, you know, from across the hall?
433
00:30:23,588 --> 00:30:25,579
You met him.
434
00:30:26,491 --> 00:30:32,361
Anyway, he sort of asked me out,
435
00:30:32,430 --> 00:30:34,421
on a date.
436
00:30:35,533 --> 00:30:39,663
I know, you're thrown.
I was thrown, too.
437
00:30:39,737 --> 00:30:42,137
But he's really nice and...
438
00:30:44,409 --> 00:30:47,640
...I could sort of use
someone to talk to...
439
00:30:50,281 --> 00:30:52,772
...who also talks back.
440
00:30:58,690 --> 00:31:04,356
The thing is, I'm sort of lonely
441
00:31:04,429 --> 00:31:07,728
and the past six months
have been really hard on me.
442
00:31:09,968 --> 00:31:12,300
So what I need is...
443
00:31:14,606 --> 00:31:18,702
...I need to know if it's OK with you
if I go out with him.
444
00:31:21,946 --> 00:31:24,437
Because if it's not, I won't.
445
00:31:24,515 --> 00:31:27,348
I'd like nothing better
than for you to just wake up
446
00:31:27,418 --> 00:31:29,511
and tell me not to go out with him.
447
00:31:29,587 --> 00:31:32,112
Just wake up and tell me.
448
00:31:32,190 --> 00:31:34,715
Wake up. Please.
449
00:31:41,532 --> 00:31:43,523
All right.
450
00:31:43,735 --> 00:31:45,566
[deep sigh]
451
00:31:47,105 --> 00:31:48,766
I'll see you tomorrow.
452
00:31:50,775 --> 00:31:52,766
I love you.
453
00:32:01,953 --> 00:32:04,285
It is really just dinner.
454
00:32:17,035 --> 00:32:20,436
I'm just dropping off Carlos
and then I'll be by to pick her up.
455
00:32:20,505 --> 00:32:21,733
OK. Thanks, Edie.
456
00:32:24,142 --> 00:32:28,579
Xiao Mei's fine.
Crisis averted. No harm, no foul.
457
00:32:28,646 --> 00:32:31,206
You endangered the life
of our baby today.
458
00:32:31,282 --> 00:32:34,046
Don't you dare give me that attitude.
459
00:32:34,118 --> 00:32:36,951
You have no idea
what I've been going through.
460
00:32:37,021 --> 00:32:38,010
Here we go.
461
00:32:38,089 --> 00:32:41,024
I have had to wait hand and foot
on your mistress.
462
00:32:41,092 --> 00:32:44,186
Imagine if the day after
you found out about John Rowland,
463
00:32:44,262 --> 00:32:46,594
you had to make his lunch
and rub his feet.
464
00:32:46,664 --> 00:32:48,723
John Rowland wasn't carrying our kid.
465
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:52,258
Forgive me for being concerned
about our surrogate.
466
00:32:52,337 --> 00:32:55,101
Xiao Mei is going to be fine.
467
00:32:55,173 --> 00:32:57,664
Once that baby comes,
her slate is wiped clean.
468
00:32:57,742 --> 00:33:01,269
She's gonna walk away,
go off and live her American dream.
469
00:33:01,346 --> 00:33:05,749
Me? I'm gonna be stuck,
a single mother raising a child alone,
470
00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:08,786
haggling with lawyers
on who gets the kid at Christmas.
471
00:33:11,689 --> 00:33:14,123
My American dream is officially dead.
472
00:33:17,795 --> 00:33:19,626
I'm sorry.
473
00:33:20,465 --> 00:33:22,456
Thank you.
474
00:33:23,101 --> 00:33:25,569
Just so you know,
my dream hasn't exactly...
475
00:33:25,636 --> 00:33:27,900
[tires screech]
476
00:33:32,777 --> 00:33:35,337
OK, so we will see you Saturday.
477
00:33:35,413 --> 00:33:39,281
And please pretend to be surprised. Bye.
478
00:33:40,618 --> 00:33:42,449
You told someone else?
479
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:46,115
Bree. The whole point of the party
was to announce our engagement.
480
00:33:46,190 --> 00:33:49,819
I just can't help it.
I like telling people.
481
00:33:49,894 --> 00:33:54,797
It makes me feel... I don't know.
It makes me feel like I'm starting over.
482
00:33:54,866 --> 00:33:57,426
- It feels good.
- Feels good to me, too.
483
00:34:00,138 --> 00:34:01,332
No hands, see?
484
00:34:01,406 --> 00:34:03,601
- [Orson clears throat]
- [Bree moans]
485
00:34:07,545 --> 00:34:10,309
You don't have to wash those.
I already did them.
486
00:34:10,381 --> 00:34:16,377
I found some streaks, so I'm wiping them
down with undiluted red wine vinegar.
487
00:34:17,588 --> 00:34:19,579
I've never heard of that.
488
00:34:19,657 --> 00:34:21,921
Sure. But for tougher spots,
489
00:34:21,993 --> 00:34:25,895
I use a fifty-fifty mix
of denatured alcohol and water.
490
00:34:28,633 --> 00:34:31,158
And for those really intractable stains,
491
00:34:31,235 --> 00:34:34,762
I mean, we're talking shower doors,
492
00:34:34,839 --> 00:34:37,865
I wipe on lacquer thinner with a towel.
493
00:34:43,247 --> 00:34:45,181
- Bree?
- [gasps]
494
00:34:55,426 --> 00:34:56,757
Oh, Orson.
495
00:34:58,129 --> 00:35:00,427
[both grunting]
496
00:35:01,532 --> 00:35:04,524
[sighs, then giggles]
497
00:35:12,276 --> 00:35:14,107
Excuse me.
498
00:35:14,178 --> 00:35:16,772
Did you lose something?
499
00:35:16,848 --> 00:35:19,908
No, I just thought... for you...
500
00:35:23,154 --> 00:35:26,385
- I don't do that.
- Why not?
501
00:35:26,457 --> 00:35:29,255
- I'm a Republican.
- I'm a Libertarian.
502
00:35:29,327 --> 00:35:33,627
I believe in minimizing the role of the
state and maximizing individual rights.
503
00:35:33,698 --> 00:35:36,326
But, Orson...
504
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:38,891
Trust me. I know what I'm doing.
505
00:35:40,238 --> 00:35:41,569
OK.
506
00:35:56,254 --> 00:35:57,243
[cries out]
507
00:35:57,321 --> 00:35:59,312
- Oh, no.
- What?
508
00:35:59,390 --> 00:36:01,824
You didn't just crack that veneer again?
509
00:36:01,893 --> 00:36:03,952
I have to go.
510
00:36:04,028 --> 00:36:07,191
Go? Go where?
511
00:36:08,266 --> 00:36:10,757
Then it was like
something inside ruptured.
512
00:36:10,835 --> 00:36:13,531
Well, not so much a rupture
as a spasm.
513
00:36:13,604 --> 00:36:17,062
Waves of this hot, clutching...
514
00:36:17,141 --> 00:36:19,200
I think I might have had a small stroke.
515
00:36:20,178 --> 00:36:23,113
- How severe were the pains?
- That's the odd thing.
516
00:36:23,181 --> 00:36:27,675
I mean, there was no pain, per se.
In fact, it wasn't entirely unpleasant.
517
00:36:28,653 --> 00:36:30,985
What were you doing at the time?
518
00:36:32,423 --> 00:36:37,952
I was with my fiancé.
We were lying down... resting.
519
00:36:38,663 --> 00:36:41,928
I'm gonna take a wild swing here.
Were you having sex?
520
00:36:43,568 --> 00:36:44,830
Sort of.
521
00:36:44,902 --> 00:36:48,861
Ms. Van de Kamp,
I think you may have had an orgasm.
522
00:36:49,707 --> 00:36:53,541
- No, no, no. I've had orgasms before.
- How would you describe them?
523
00:36:53,611 --> 00:36:58,412
That warm sensation, that tingling
feeling of relief when it's over.
524
00:36:58,482 --> 00:37:00,643
No, no. This was much...
525
00:37:00,718 --> 00:37:02,913
- Better?
- Yes.
526
00:37:02,987 --> 00:37:06,081
That's 'cause it was an orgasm.
527
00:37:08,125 --> 00:37:09,456
Oh.
528
00:37:10,995 --> 00:37:13,463
Well, I'll be darned.
529
00:37:30,848 --> 00:37:32,076
[music, chatter]
530
00:37:32,149 --> 00:37:34,140
- [Karen] Let me have one.
- Here you go.
531
00:37:39,857 --> 00:37:41,848
It's beautiful.
532
00:37:44,929 --> 00:37:46,794
[doorbell chimes]
533
00:37:50,101 --> 00:37:51,591
Hi. Can I help you?
534
00:37:52,570 --> 00:37:55,733
- Are you Bree Van de Kamp?
- Yes. And you are?
535
00:37:55,806 --> 00:37:59,537
Carolyn Bigsby. I was Orson's neighbor.
536
00:37:59,610 --> 00:38:03,637
Well, come on in. Let's dry you off
and get you a drink.
537
00:38:05,983 --> 00:38:08,577
I didn't come here to celebrate.
538
00:38:08,653 --> 00:38:10,143
Carolyn.
539
00:38:10,221 --> 00:38:13,088
Engaged again? That was quick work.
540
00:38:15,026 --> 00:38:17,517
Does she know you killed your wife?
541
00:38:20,431 --> 00:38:22,422
My wife left me.
542
00:38:23,734 --> 00:38:28,501
And no one ever heard from her again.
Not me, not her family.
543
00:38:28,572 --> 00:38:30,836
Just dropped off the face of the earth.
544
00:38:35,246 --> 00:38:38,977
- Orson, what is she talking about?
- Didn't tell you that part, did he?
545
00:38:39,050 --> 00:38:43,350
- You've made your little scene.
- You keep your hands off me.
546
00:38:44,355 --> 00:38:47,791
Don't let him fool you.
Get away from him now while you can.
547
00:38:52,096 --> 00:38:55,759
- Please leave my house.
- Fine.
548
00:38:55,833 --> 00:38:58,597
Be a fool. Marry him.
549
00:38:58,669 --> 00:39:02,002
Just don't be surprised
when you go missing, too.
550
00:39:20,825 --> 00:39:23,055
I'm sorry you had to endure that.
551
00:39:27,732 --> 00:39:31,600
Your wife... disappeared?
552
00:39:32,903 --> 00:39:35,599
I tried to find her.
553
00:39:35,673 --> 00:39:39,404
Her family claimed
not to have heard from her.
554
00:39:39,477 --> 00:39:43,004
Personally, I think
she was just trying to punish me.
555
00:39:44,115 --> 00:39:47,414
So... are you still married?
556
00:39:47,485 --> 00:39:51,581
No. I was granted a divorce
on grounds of abandonment.
557
00:39:54,725 --> 00:39:55,714
Bree.
558
00:39:57,595 --> 00:40:01,691
- You can't possibly think that...
- No, of course not.
559
00:40:05,469 --> 00:40:07,437
I love you.
560
00:40:08,172 --> 00:40:09,833
And I love you.
561
00:40:14,044 --> 00:40:17,275
Orson, my hand.
562
00:40:32,463 --> 00:40:35,591
[all murmuring]
563
00:40:35,666 --> 00:40:37,258
[all silent]
564
00:40:44,909 --> 00:40:48,208
The buffet is open.
565
00:40:48,279 --> 00:40:50,270
Bree?
566
00:40:58,222 --> 00:41:01,714
[woman] It's gorgeous, just gorgeous.
567
00:41:15,673 --> 00:41:19,336
[Mary Alice] Every storm
brings with it hope
568
00:41:19,410 --> 00:41:21,742
that somehow, by morning,
569
00:41:21,812 --> 00:41:25,043
everything will be made clean again
570
00:41:25,115 --> 00:41:29,779
and even the most troubling stains
will have disappeared.
571
00:41:29,854 --> 00:41:32,652
Like the doubts over his innocence.
572
00:41:36,026 --> 00:41:39,462
Or the consequence of his mistake.
573
00:41:43,934 --> 00:41:47,199
Like the scars of his betrayal.
574
00:41:52,943 --> 00:41:56,071
Or the memory of his kiss.
575
00:42:00,084 --> 00:42:04,987
So we wait for the storm to pass,
hoping for the best...
576
00:42:10,394 --> 00:42:15,354
... even though we know in our hearts
577
00:42:15,432 --> 00:42:19,892
some stains are so indelible,
578
00:42:19,970 --> 00:42:22,700
nothing can wash them away.