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♪ Unemployment at a record high ♪
♪ People coming, people going... ♪♪
Mama, can we get these?
No, we've already got peanut butter and jelly.
Ma, I hate that stuff. It tastes like concrete.
Ring it up, please.
When I was a kid, my dad would try
to save money any way he could,
so when my mother went shopping, he had one rule:
No name brands.
So instead of Fruit Loops, Cheerios, or Frosted Flakes,
we got...
"Cereal"?
What is this stuff?
Is it oats? Is it flakes?
Is there a prize inside?
The prize is you don't starve to death.
Ring it up.
And instead of Oreos, Ginger Snaps,
or Chips Ahoy, we got...
"Cookie"?
That's right, Cookie.
Not Cookies, Cookie.
A big bag with one cookie in it.
Ooh, Mama, can I have some cookie?
Yeah, but only two bites.
Don't suck out all the chips like you did last time.
When it came to soap,
instead of Zest, Dial, or Coast, we got...
Camay?
Do you have a problem with that?
Ring it up.
My mother could save money a lot of places
but not on her ass.
1x09 - Everybody Hates Food Stamps.
Transcript: cfsmp3 - Synchro: Sixe FOROM.COM
Partner science project are due Friday,
so decide who you want to work with,
sign the sheet as it comes around.
Back off! One at a time.
Quietly.
Hey, Greg.
You want to do a project together?
I don't know.
I had a couple ideas I was already working on.
I wanted to work with Greg
because my last science project didn't go so well.
Chris!
Would you get these damn ants out of here!
James Brown stole that whole "ants in my pants" idea
from my father.
Come on, man... who else will partner with me?
Chris, it's not that I don't want to be your partner.
It's just I take my science very seriously.
Yeah, but, you know, we could still have fun.
We're talking about science, Chris, so you got to decide,
do you want to have fun, or you want to win?
Hell, I just wanted to pass.
Rochelle! Rochelle!
I'm in here, baby!
You are never going to believe what happened.
What?
Hah!*
Bah-yah!*
That's $200-worth of food stamps.
Where did you get food stamps from, Julius?
I found them.
From the time he was a kid to the time he was an adult,
my father loved to find money.
Mom! Mom! Mom! I found a quarter.
I love you, quarter.
I'm gonna keep you and name you Bernard.
It's a boy!
I found a dollar
That's not even my mother.
Look at this.
Wha... What's wrong?
Julius, you know I hate using food stamps.
My mother hated using food stamps
because she was a ghetto snob.
And sometimes using food stamps could be a little embarrassing.
That'll be 79 cent.
Ten, 20, 30, 40, 50...
My mother would have felt better just robbing the place.
Does anybody have change for a fifty-cent bill?
Rochelle, money is money.
Cash, food stamps-- what's the difference?
Because I don't want to have to curse nobody out.
What?!
Julius, when I pull out food stamps,
people look at me like I ain't got no husband.
They talk to me
like I ain't got no sense.
They treat me like I ain't got no class.
and if somebody treats me like that, I'm gonna curse them out!
$200 is $200.
If you don't go to shop with it, or I am.
And you don't want me to go shopping.
My father figured out that the only food
cheaper than generic food was damaged food.
Fine.
Since we got the extra cash, can you give me $20,
so I could get my hair done?
Can you do it yourself?
Sure, baby, you go ahead.
You look good.
$200, man!
Thank you, Lord.
At school, I felt like I was trying to do
a science project and Greg was trying to win
the Nobel Prize.
I was thinking about doing something on the periodic table.
we can chart when each element was discovered
and show how it affected society.
I was thinking we could make a volcono
with vinegar and baking soda.
No, I did that in the third grade.
My third grade science project was watching a banana rot!
Hey, why don't we do a whole thing on plate tectonics?
I thought "Plate Tectonics"
was the original name of the Wu Tang Clan.
We can diagram the continental shift
and show how mountain ranges form
and show how the shape of the Earth
has changed throughout history.
So I guess making a robot out of soup cans
ain't gonna get it.
No.
As much as it hurt my mother to shop with food stamps,
there were two words that made it all worthwhile...
Name brands.
♪ Everybody get high-- sing! ♪
♪ Bustin' out ♪
♪ Sing! ♪ ♪ Bustin' out ♪
♪ Bustin'out ♪♪
♪ We're bustin' out of this L-Seven square ♪
♪ Freaks like you and I could never funk from there ♪
♪ We're bustin' out, everybody, come along ♪
♪ We're gonna dance on the funk ♪
♪ And make love on this song... ♪
That's my mom, ghetto snob.
♪ Love, lift us up where we belong ♪
♪ Where the eagles cry, on a mountain high ♪
♪ Love, lift us up where we belong ♪
♪ Far from the world below ♪
♪♪ Up where the clear winds blow... ♪
That'll be $95.33.
This store is highway robbery.
Rochelle! Girl!
Hey!
What are you doing here?
I didn't know you shopped here.
I come here all te time.
Mama, you dropped your-- ow!
So, um...
what are you doing here?
Two for one.
Okay.
You know I like to save my money.
Yeah, you know, you got to...
know what to do with your money. Uh-huh.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
$95.33.
Hmm?
$95.33.
Oh, okay... I wasn't listening.
You'd think she'd pay with food stamps.
That cash was supposed to last my mom a month.
Girl you know what, you got to buy the best for your family.
The best. You know? That's what I always say.
There's nothing too expensive for my family.
Mm-mm.
Daddy gonna be mad.
That look meant, "Get with the program."
You look good, you look good.
You look good, too, girl.
Y'all get in the car.
Get in the car.
Meanwhile, I turned down Greg's project
on the Theory of Relativity.
Go!
- Ooh! - I'm coming up there, boys!
Go.
He turned down my project
on how to make ice.
Finally, we decided on something we both liked:
The solar system! The solar system!
This looks great.
Mercury is closest to the sun,
Venus is second, Earth is third.
And we have four moons around Jupiter.
It's perfectly to scale.
Quit lying yourself.
What's that supposed to mean?
If Earth was actually this close to the sun,
we'd all be dead.
Greg, it's a science project.
It looks great.
We got to do it over.
Do it over?
Do the whole universe over?
Are you crazy?
It looks great the way it is.
This isn't great, this sucks.
Look at this kid.
His project is a bug in Jell-O.
- We're fine. - I knew you didn't
take science as seriously as I do.
Einstein didn't take science as seriously as you do.
I knew I should've gotten somebody else for a partner.
I can't turn this in; people will think I'm an idiot.
What are you trying to say?
I said it once, and I'm gonna say it again.
This sucks.
You know what? If you want to do something else...
well, then do something else.
I'm not gonna let you screw the whole thing up.
There's a reason why you didn't have a friend till I came along.
And there's a reason you don't have a friend now.
It was like Andrew Ridgeley leaving Wham!
♪♪Everybody Hates Chris♪
Rochelle, I thought I asked you not to buy these name brands.
Oh, well, honey, I figured the kids...
You know what? Forget it.
I forgot you used food stamps.
Uh-huh. We used food stamps.
Mama, you know we...
Tonya, why don't you go get your daddy some syrup.
For his cereal?
For his pancakes.
Baby, you want some pancakes?
- Yeah, I didn't even know we had these. - Yeah.
Wow, Ma, this toast is good.
What'd you do different?
I bought fresh bread.
We usually got our bread from the day-old bakery,
which was even cheaper when we got it
from the three-day-old shelf.
That look says, "If you couldn't whup me, I'd tell."
You know, I been thinking.
Since I found this money,
we got over $100 left
after we pay the light bill and get your hair done.
- Maybe we could splurge for once. - Splurge?
Yeah, I mean... $100.
I could take the day off.
I could sleep till 9:00.
Hey, we could even go to a movie for once.
That was 1982.
These days, $100 won't even buy you $20.
Um, maybe that's not such a good idea.
Oh, yes it is.
Not every day you find money like that.
I know, but, you know, maybe we should...
Come on. You're getting your hair done.
Why can't I treat myself to something?
I'm just saying, look,
we shouldn't rush into anything, you know?
You know what, baby? You're right.
- See? I'm right. - You right. I hear you.
I'm gonna take a nap
and figure out how to spend this money.
Some people counted sheep, my father counted cheap
Don't you have to go to work?
Not right now.
I'm gonna be over by the electric company.
If you give me the money
I can pay the light bill.
No, no, no. I'll do it.
You just lay down and take a nap
and rest easy, I'll take care of it.
It's across the...
Sh!
Could you get me a pillow, please?
Sure, sure.
Pillow for Julius.
- Thank you baby. - Go ahead, baby. Get some rest.
I hate to admit it, but the first real breakup
I ever had wasn't with a girl, it was with Greg.
Give me back Mercury.
Go ahead, you can have it.
But I brought Earth into this project,
so it's rightfully mine.
Hey, where's my Earth?
It got burned up by the sun.
You know what?
I'm gonna get another partner,
then we're gonna finish this and slaughter you.
- Yeah, I'm going to get one too. - Go ahead.
I will!
Bye.
Shoot.
There's two more girls I can scratch off my list.
You know what?
Instead of spending all that money on ourselves,
why don't you, me and the kids go to the movies on Friday?
Well, isn't that expensive?
We got it. It could be fun.
We could go see Rocky III at the dollar show.
The kids love Rocky.
Usually, my mother would jump at going to the movies,
because with three kids, she never had time.
As a matter of fact, here's the last movie she saw.
Movies are on TV every Friday, you know?
There's no gum on the floor,
no rats running through the aisles.
You can get up and go to the bathroom
as much as you like.
As a matter of fact,
Friday night, The Ghost and Mr. Chicken is on.
Why would I need to go to the movies?
Because you're always complaining
about how I never take you to the movies.
Well, I'm tired, you know?
I just want to stay home.
Okay.
You never really appreciate a friend
until you try to find another one.
Did you see Knight Rider last night?
No. Did you see the Celtics game?
No. I didn't.
Si.
If I had known there was a Porto Rican kid in the school,
I would've hung out with him in the first place.
My mother couldn't admit what she did,
so the only thing left for her to do
was sell her food stamps.
Food stamps. I got those food stamps.
What? You got to speak up.
I can't hear what you're saying.
I said I got food stamps. I got those food stamps.
Oh, whoop-de-damn-do.
I got food stamps, too.
Excuse me.
Food stamps.
Come on, girl, you know you need them.
Listen, I'm short on my light bill.
I need to sell these food stamps.
Fifty cent on the dollar.
Oh, no, no, no. No thank you.
Beat it, beat it.
Food stamps!
What? Food stamps!
Fifty cent on the dollar.
What the hell?
What the hell is going... All right, all right.
One at a time. One at a time.
Damn it!
My mother finally had to turn to the one guy
she thought could help her-- Risky.
Now, Risky specialized in buying and selling things
he wasn't supposed to have.
Come on, Risky.
Man, this $200 worth of food stamps.
$200 dollars worth of food stamps?
I'm trying to sell $2,000 worth of food stamps.
Want to buy an iron?
You take food stamps?
♪ I got so much trouble on my... ♪♪
♪ I got my so much trouble on my mind ♪
♪ Refuse to lose... ♪
Get out of my way.
No, you get out of my way.
Fight!
Like wars, most fights are started
by people who won't get hit.
All right, then.
Hold my books.
Hold my sweater.
Hold my vest.
Hold my watch.
Hold my Star Trek bracelet.
Hold my shoes.
"Hold my shoes"!
Where'd you get that?
It was either that or punch you in the face.
- Seriously? - No.
What are we gonna do about the science project?
I got an idea.
What?
He said, "What about us?"
Come on.
♪ Watch me! ♪
My mother decided to hit the one place
where selling food stamps would be easy.
Food stamps, 50 cent on the dollar.
Come on, Paco.
I'll take a nickel bag.
Risky?
Rochelle?
What you doing? You selling weed?
No, I'm not selling weed.
I'm selling food stamps.
Oh, well, who's selling weed?
Get your jelly bean head out of here.
Excuse me, did I just hear you say
you were selling food stamps?
I most certainly am not selling food stamps.
Who said I was selling food stamps?
Rochelle! Hey, hey!
Hey, I didn't know you knew Pam
Hi, Pam. We just met.
Girl, your hair looks good.
Thank you. Pam is my hairdresser.
- I just came from her shop. - Coincidence.
So what about the food stamps?
- I'm not selling food stamps. - You selling food stamps?
No, no, no, no.
It looked like to me that she was selling food stamps.
- So where's your shop? - Oh, it's right up the block.
- Okay, okay. - You like you could use a touch up.
I sure can.
Uh, um, when's your next appointment?
Oh, no, no, she can take you now, can't you, Pam?
Yeah, I was just came to get some lunch,
but my next appointment isn't for another hour.
See? There you go.
Well, I'll see y'all later.
All right, girl.
Hey, you see that lady selling food stamps,
- let me know. - Will do.
Take care. Looking good, girl.
- So where's your shop? - Girl, it's right up the street.
Come on, I'll put you up right now
I still wish Earth was further away from the sun.
You think we can win it?
Are you kidding me?
If we can't beat a bug in Jell-O,
I'll goto school in your neighborhood.
You're right. This looks great.
Hey, Frank.
I finished our science project.
Hey, you can't do that!
What are you gonna do about it?
All the science in the world is no match for a guy
who could smack the taste out of your mouth.
Caruso couldn't spell "solar system,"
but since he could kick both our asses,
that meant the universe was his.
Yeah!
At least we beat the Jell-O bug.
Wow, Mom, your hair looks great.
Thank you, baby.
Hey, Dad, can we get Frosted Flakes
next time we go to the store?
I don't know.
Did you spend all the food stamps?
Hey, Mom, now that we have fresh bread,
can we have French toast?
I've never had it when the bread wasn't smashed.
Hey, Rochelle,
I know you don't want to go to the movies,
but can you at least think about it?
We're going to the movies?
Rocky III.
If your mother wants to go.
Even though my mother cared about what people thought,
she cared a little more about what we thought.
I have a confession to make.
What's wrong?
We don't have the money to go to the movies.
What are you talking about?
After your hair and the light bill,
we should have at least $30 left over.
Well, I used it to buy groceries.
I told you, I don't like shopping with food stamps.
Sheila was in the store when I was there
and I just got a little embarrassed.
I didn't want her to think we couldn't afford food.
You know what? Forget about it.
It's no big deal.
Money is money.
We can still buy groceries with food stamps.
You bought those name brands,
so we gonna have to make it stretch, so get generic.
We ain't got the food stamps.
What?
I gave it to my hairdresser to fix my perm.
That was $200 worth of food stamps.
Baby, she only gave me 25 cents on the dollar.
What do you want me to do?
You couldn't talk her up to 27 cent?
You know what? Hey...
At least you paid the light bill.
Chris!
cfsmp3 - Sixe - FOROM.COM sixeloute@gmail.com