1
00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:03,499
(PANTING)
2
00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:06,698
(ENGINE REVVING)
3
00:00:06,773 --> 00:00:08,434
(TIRES SCREECHING)
4
00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:14,402
(WHIMPERING)
5
00:00:14,714 --> 00:00:15,681
(GRUNTS)
6
00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,114
I'm here!
7
00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:26,922
(PANTING)
8
00:00:28,728 --> 00:00:30,252
OLD MAN: Stop!
9
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:42,968
Get out of my way!
10
00:00:50,683 --> 00:00:52,241
(WOMEN SCREAM)
11
00:00:58,425 --> 00:00:59,722
(SCREAMS)
12
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:02,159
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
13
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,467
Donga, come here.
14
00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:15,803
(BARKING)
15
00:01:16,309 --> 00:01:18,140
MAN 1: He's got a gun!
16
00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:24,915
MAN 2: Get that dog!
17
00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:27,110
Get that dog!
18
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:31,123
Come here, come here,
come here. You bastard!
19
00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:33,625
Come here, you bloody dog,
come here!
20
00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:35,684
(BARKING)
21
00:01:35,895 --> 00:01:37,123
Come here!
22
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:41,092
I'll have you!
23
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:49,424
IAN: More. More, more, more.
Come on, Randi, get it together.
24
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:51,766
Nohochacyum.
25
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,807
Nohochacyum, also known
as Nohochacyumchac.
26
00:02:54,874 --> 00:02:57,308
God of creation
in the religion
27
00:02:57,377 --> 00:03:00,437
of the Yucatan Mayas
of Central America.
28
00:03:01,047 --> 00:03:02,639
Give me a hard one.
Oh, come on.
29
00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:04,979
We've been doing this for three
hours. My tongue is in knots.
30
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:07,109
I have got to be ready
for Professor Mason.
31
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,814
All right.
32
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:13,117
Vechernyaya Zvezda.
33
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:16,824
Vechernyaya Zvezda.
34
00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:18,858
Zvezda.
35
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:22,795
Vechernyaya Zvezda.
Zvezda. Zvezda.
36
00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:25,303
I'm sitting here
if you hadn't noticed.
37
00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:27,066
How could
we not notice?
38
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,665
You've hardly moved your
bum for the last 30 years.
39
00:03:29,742 --> 00:03:33,234
But it's okay, we're not going to
dust the table for a few more minutes.
40
00:03:33,313 --> 00:03:36,146
We must have everything
nice for Professor Mason.
41
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,308
Well,
42
00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:39,752
I'm off on
my camping trip.
43
00:03:39,819 --> 00:03:40,808
PARROT: Scram!
44
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:44,220
Professor Mason this,
Professor Mason that.
45
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:47,919
You talk about him like
he's a member of parliament.
46
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,128
Or a chat-show host.
47
00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:52,323
Off to the great outdoors, huh?
48
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:54,491
Wild untamed
country.
49
00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:57,126
Savage land.
50
00:03:57,203 --> 00:03:58,602
Scram.
51
00:03:58,671 --> 00:04:01,765
Dad, John mason is the world's
leading authority in my field.
52
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:04,435
He may be the most brilliant man alive.
53
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:06,438
And he's single.
54
00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:09,208
Until now, the most famous
person we've had at the B&B
55
00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:11,944
was the actor that played
Dinky the Duck on TV.
56
00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:13,246
And he was married.
57
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:16,083
Didn't stop you waddling
after him everywhere he went.
58
00:04:16,155 --> 00:04:19,488
Until my first class with
Professor Mason, I was studying law.
59
00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:23,495
But from the moment he opened his
mouth, I knew mythology was my life.
60
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:27,499
Oh, yes, there's something
to thank him for.
61
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:31,059
Be facing untold dangers.
62
00:04:31,971 --> 00:04:34,235
Who knows?
Maybe I won't even come back.
63
00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:36,271
At least, not alive.
64
00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:37,331
Scram!
65
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:39,173
Vechernyaya Zvezda.
66
00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:42,337
In Slavonic mythology, the
spirit of the evening star
67
00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:46,511
guarded a dog which was tied to
the constellation of the Great Bear.
68
00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:49,350
You don't have to cram. You're
not taking Professor Mason's class.
69
00:04:49,422 --> 00:04:52,550
And I'm not teaching it,
either. But I could be.
70
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:57,426
An associate professor's job has become
available in his department at Oxford.
71
00:04:57,497 --> 00:04:58,657
Oxford?
72
00:04:58,731 --> 00:05:01,165
You don't think Professor
Mason has come all this way
73
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,998
just to deliver
a lecture, do you?
74
00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:06,630
So, if he likes you... He will.
75
00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:10,809
Imagine it!
Oxford, it's a dream.
76
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:15,038
I'll be teaching at the
best university in the world.
77
00:05:16,749 --> 00:05:20,150
Of course, I'll take you with me. Come
on, we've got to get this together.
78
00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:22,084
Right. Um...
79
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:25,181
Manuchehr.
Manuchehr, Manuchehr.
80
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:27,624
Manuchehr,
son of Fereydun.
81
00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:30,424
Goodbye, lan.
Goodbye, Randi.
82
00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:32,863
Perhaps forever.
83
00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:34,456
Oh, by the way,
84
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:38,726
everybody knows that Manuchehr
is Fereydun's father, not his son.
85
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:41,365
I'd bone up
if I were you.
86
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:44,774
Goodbye, dear.
Have a nice time.
87
00:05:45,578 --> 00:05:46,567
Back to work.
88
00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:52,215
You can't escape! I'll
kill you, do you hear me?
89
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:53,775
I'll kill you! Come...
90
00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,184
(GRUNTING)
91
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,923
(SCREAMS)
92
00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:12,298
(GASPS)
93
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:16,098
Doggie, doggie, doggie!
94
00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:18,276
Doggie, doggie!
95
00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:19,709
Doggie.
96
00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:25,609
Hmm.
97
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:29,315
(WHINING)
98
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:33,721
(BELL TOLLING)
99
00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:37,461
IAN: I knew we should have
been more prepared, Randi.
100
00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:40,863
Would you relax? You have
nothing to worry about.
101
00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:42,799
Are you so sure?
102
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:47,203
Professor Mason challenged me every
day of the six years I studied with him.
103
00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:49,298
If I wasn't up
to the challenge...
104
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:51,502
Sounds like
a fun guy.
105
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:55,878
He made my life hell. But he taught
me everything I know about mythology.
106
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:57,313
Mmm-hmm.
107
00:06:57,383 --> 00:06:59,578
Until I was
bitten by a werewolf,
108
00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:04,019
and then I taught you everything
that he taught you is wrong.
109
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,387
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
110
00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:08,086
I wouldn't mention that
part to Professor Mason.
111
00:07:08,694 --> 00:07:10,525
IAN: Professor Mason.
112
00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:12,254
Hello there.
113
00:07:12,331 --> 00:07:15,164
Hi, I'm Randi Wallace,
and you must be...
114
00:07:15,234 --> 00:07:16,394
Vainamoinen.
Vainamoinen.
115
00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:17,458
Vainamoinen.
Vainamoinen.
116
00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:21,871
Vainamoinen, chief hero of the
Finno-Ugric rune cycle called the Kalevala,
117
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:24,533
who detailed the epic struggle
between the Pohja and...
118
00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:27,609
Glad to see you haven't
lost your touch, lan.
119
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,170
Thanks, sir.
I owe it all to you.
120
00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:32,877
Glad to see you've found
some more worldly pursuits.
121
00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:35,385
It's not what you think.
She's my student.
122
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,649
Oh, I see.
123
00:07:36,722 --> 00:07:38,485
I mean, she's just
my student. Nothing more.
124
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:42,221
Not even a very good student. In
here all the time for tutoring.
125
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,990
God knows how
she'll ever pass.
126
00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:45,394
(CLEARS THROAT)
127
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,262
Don't you worry about
your grades, my dear.
128
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:51,463
What you have is far more appealing than
anything in the Finno-Ugric rune cycles.
129
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:56,036
Thank you, Professor. So,
what brings you to town?
130
00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:58,275
I told you the professor's
here to deliver this year's
131
00:07:58,344 --> 00:08:00,904
Douglas Frazier Memorial
lecture on mythology.
132
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:04,006
Which is a fancy way of saying
I get a free trip to London
133
00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:07,143
in exchange for regurgitating
one of my stock speeches.
134
00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:09,983
This one is called
"The Mythology of the Real."
135
00:08:10,089 --> 00:08:12,683
Ah, yes. " The light
of the modern world
136
00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:17,252
"illuminates those places in which
vampires and werewolves seem possible."
137
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:18,723
I read your book.
138
00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:20,060
Ah-ha.
139
00:08:20,132 --> 00:08:21,929
Seems like
an A student to me.
140
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,059
Crib notes.
141
00:08:23,135 --> 00:08:26,571
But don't you think that there's
truth to some of those myths?
142
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:29,130
I mean, how can you
possibly say that...
143
00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:31,676
IAN: The professor is tired
from his long trip, Randi.
144
00:08:31,744 --> 00:08:34,440
He doesn't want a
harangue on your pet topic.
145
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:37,939
Professor, let me
take you back to the B&B.
146
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:40,417
Only if Ms. Wallace
accompanies us.
147
00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:43,654
I'd be delighted, Professor.
And you can call me Randi.
148
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:45,049
John.
149
00:08:46,158 --> 00:08:47,182
(CHUCKLING)
150
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:50,457
(MOUTHING) The werewolf
is simply a metaphor
151
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:52,891
(MOUTHING) For the darker
side of human nature.
152
00:08:52,965 --> 00:08:54,296
That's all.
153
00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:59,465
(IMITATING RANDl) " I've read your
book, Professor. You can call me Randi."
154
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:02,340
And lan.
Yes, sir?
155
00:09:02,408 --> 00:09:03,739
Parikshit.
156
00:09:04,577 --> 00:09:06,704
Parikshit. Right.
157
00:09:07,413 --> 00:09:09,040
I know it well.
158
00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:11,211
(LAUGHS)
159
00:09:11,784 --> 00:09:13,183
(TIRES SCREECHING)
160
00:09:13,419 --> 00:09:14,977
(CANS CRASHING)
161
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:17,479
(MEN SHOUTING)
162
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,819
(BARKING)
163
00:09:22,528 --> 00:09:23,722
(DOG BARKING)
164
00:09:23,796 --> 00:09:24,785
Mmm?
165
00:09:26,832 --> 00:09:28,094
Mmm.
166
00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:34,929
Oh.
167
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,139
(GASPS)
168
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:46,911
Have you seen my...
169
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:48,180
(EXCLAIMS)
170
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:50,484
Have you seen
my red shawl?
171
00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:52,456
I think you dropped
a stitch there.
172
00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:55,392
You scared me.
173
00:09:55,494 --> 00:09:57,655
I'd asked you whether
you'd seen it,
174
00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,095
not whether you'd stolen it.
175
00:10:01,233 --> 00:10:02,427
Well have you?
176
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,208
It's a little quaint,
but I hope you'll like it.
177
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,548
Think of it as the Matheson
Oasis Paradise Resort.
178
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,747
I'm sure I shall feel
right at home.
179
00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:25,222
You can make it your home
for as long as you like,
180
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,759
as far as I'm concerned. Aunt Elsa.
181
00:10:27,893 --> 00:10:29,793
(LAUGHS) She's such a kidder.
182
00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:33,059
MRS. MATHESON:
Make my day, studly.
183
00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:40,438
IAN: This isn't happening.
184
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:44,801
Mum?
185
00:10:45,177 --> 00:10:46,804
Tell me
we're married.
186
00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:51,179
Wow! When your family lays out the
welcome mat, they really lay it out.
187
00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:56,247
Sisters. They just
love to jest.
188
00:10:56,555 --> 00:10:57,715
Mum!
189
00:10:58,090 --> 00:11:00,354
He's not my husband? Of course not.
190
00:11:00,426 --> 00:11:01,859
I can't win.
191
00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:06,655
Step right this way.
192
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:11,336
IAN: Please excuse my mother. She's
been so looking forward to your visit.
193
00:11:12,538 --> 00:11:14,301
It's just four steps down. Right.
194
00:11:14,373 --> 00:11:16,739
Professor Mason,
this is my father.
195
00:11:16,809 --> 00:11:17,833
(SNORING)
196
00:11:17,910 --> 00:11:20,572
Strong, stable,
rational. Right, Dad?
197
00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:23,379
What's wrong with
being a lawyer?
198
00:11:24,216 --> 00:11:25,240
I beg your pardon.
199
00:11:25,317 --> 00:11:27,285
Do you know how much
more a lawyer makes
200
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,548
than a mythology
professor?
201
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:32,750
Yes, fascinating. We'll
discuss it later. Much later.
202
00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:35,225
If you're not
my husband who is?
203
00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:37,762
Well, I assume... Oh, my lord.
204
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:40,628
I should have stayed in
the dog. He only had fleas.
205
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,964
I say, have I introduced
you to our parrot?
206
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,832
Very down-to-earth.
207
00:11:45,237 --> 00:11:47,137
What a delightful family.
208
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,571
(SQUAWKING)
209
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:51,701
I can see I'm going to
have a marvelous time here.
210
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:54,143
(LATINO DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
211
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:04,981
Oh, it's been 100 years
since I had a kiss like that.
212
00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:06,820
At least.
213
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:10,557
Please, we're trying
to have a discussion.
214
00:12:10,629 --> 00:12:12,460
According to the...
215
00:12:12,998 --> 00:12:15,262
Mahabharata...
Who's next?
216
00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:17,164
For seconds.
Anyone for seconds?
217
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,396
No, I'm full.
218
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:21,065
No kidding, you've drunk
the entire drinks cabinet.
219
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:24,337
It was on one such hunting
expedition that Parikshit
220
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:28,847
offended a hermit who was
observing a sacred vow of silence.
221
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,313
(GASPS)
222
00:12:31,016 --> 00:12:32,745
Are you complaining?
223
00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:34,045
No.
224
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:36,182
I didn't think so.
225
00:12:37,389 --> 00:12:40,256
Why don't you go upstairs and get ready?
226
00:12:40,526 --> 00:12:41,515
Oh!
227
00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:43,328
MRS. MATHESON:
We got a long night.
228
00:12:43,395 --> 00:12:47,331
So he was cursed by
Takshaka, the snake king.
229
00:12:47,399 --> 00:12:49,799
I suddenly feel
very tired.
230
00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:51,496
(FAKING A YAWN)
231
00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:53,504
I think I'll go
to bed.
232
00:12:54,874 --> 00:12:56,466
That's the way
to treat a man.
233
00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:58,976
Pity she didn't learn
how to do it 30 years ago.
234
00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:04,874
You take all of this spook stuff
pretty seriously, don't you?
235
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:09,011
Who sent him some strange
fruit which hid horrible insects
236
00:13:09,321 --> 00:13:12,154
which had terrible
glittering eyes.
237
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:14,087
Did I say Parikshit?
IAN: Yes.
238
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:15,821
I meant Parjanya.
239
00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:18,859
Parjanya.
Oh, yes, Parjanya.
240
00:13:18,931 --> 00:13:20,990
What the hell is Parjanya?
241
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:22,260
Parjanya,
Parjanya...
242
00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:26,202
You know, dear lady, studying
mythology is like studying literature.
243
00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:28,069
MASON: It's all fiction.
244
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,067
The difference
245
00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:33,111
is mythology
is a lot more fun.
246
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:36,512
Fun? What's such
damn fun about it?
247
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:37,913
(LAUGHS)
248
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:41,714
I'm tired. Are you tired? I
think we're all tired. Bedtime.
249
00:13:41,787 --> 00:13:43,414
What if you
were a ghost?
250
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:47,721
What if you were pursued by an evil
spirit that wanted to kill your soul?
251
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:51,786
And what if there was no way to
escape? Would it be such damn fun then?
252
00:13:52,031 --> 00:13:54,124
Goodbye Oxford.
253
00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:57,526
Oh, I get it now.
254
00:13:57,603 --> 00:13:59,002
You do?
255
00:13:59,071 --> 00:14:01,835
Good man.
I am?
256
00:14:01,907 --> 00:14:04,637
You caught me unaware,
and had your mother
257
00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:07,873
confront me with
my own mythological puzzle.
258
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:11,748
What a wonderful way
to hoist me by my own petard.
259
00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:14,047
Yes. What
a delightful way.
260
00:14:14,153 --> 00:14:16,678
Very clever, lan.
Do you know the answer?
261
00:14:16,755 --> 00:14:18,655
A way for the ghost to escape?
262
00:14:18,724 --> 00:14:21,192
I will, lovely lady,
I will.
263
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:24,286
But I can't let my student
best me after all these years.
264
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:29,460
But now I must get some sleep before
I unravel this mystery tomorrow.
265
00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:31,300
I'll walk you
to your room.
266
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:32,769
Thank you, dear lady.
267
00:14:33,038 --> 00:14:36,530
Thank you all for
a most entertaining evening.
268
00:14:39,111 --> 00:14:40,408
Mmm.
269
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,277
What's got into you?
270
00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:47,683
A little spirit.
271
00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:49,345
And about time, too.
272
00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:53,187
You wanted to visit your cousin
Gertrude in Wembley for some time.
273
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:58,655
Well, you can jolly well go. The
two of you, tomorrow. My treat.
274
00:14:59,331 --> 00:15:01,765
Before you cost me
my future.
275
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:13,103
Nice butt on that boy.
276
00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:14,372
Mmm?
277
00:15:17,816 --> 00:15:19,784
(SNORING)
278
00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:21,513
(DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
279
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:29,185
Lan!
280
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:30,250
(GASPS)
281
00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:34,390
Lan, wake up! Wake up,
I've got to talk to you.
282
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:35,858
(PANTS)
283
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,495
I think you've said
enough for one night.
284
00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:41,806
Shouldn't you be
catching a train?
285
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:44,138
I'm not your mother.
286
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:48,244
That is no big secret.
287
00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:49,713
It isn't?
288
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:53,309
It was obvious to everyone that
you were not yourself tonight.
289
00:15:53,385 --> 00:15:55,046
Damn right.
290
00:15:55,788 --> 00:16:00,054
I'm a ghost.
I'm Sarah Bloom.
291
00:16:01,093 --> 00:16:02,890
And I'm Sean Connery.
292
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:06,757
And Randi Wallace
is a werewolf!
293
00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:12,732
Yes, that pretty young thing
is a bloodthirsty raging beast.
294
00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:16,433
Would your sweet
little mother know that?
295
00:16:16,942 --> 00:16:20,139
Would she? Would she?
296
00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:25,049
IAN: Let my mother go.
297
00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:27,551
I'd love to.
Believe me, honey.
298
00:16:27,619 --> 00:16:30,417
Do you think I'd look
like this if I had a choice?
299
00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:33,049
Go ahead.
You won't hurt me.
300
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:36,026
But your mum might wonder
where she got the shiner.
301
00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:38,086
RANDl: What do you
want from us?
302
00:16:39,098 --> 00:16:42,397
Just a place to hide from my
loving husband for a while.
303
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:43,695
Your husband?
304
00:16:44,136 --> 00:16:48,402
Ivan's only purpose
in life and death
305
00:16:48,974 --> 00:16:50,703
is to make me suffer.
306
00:16:50,776 --> 00:16:52,835
Having met you,
I can't imagine why.
307
00:16:52,911 --> 00:16:56,369
No form of torture,
physical or spiritual,
308
00:16:56,915 --> 00:16:59,008
can be too vile for him.
309
00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:02,451
And then one night, he
hit me a little too hard.
310
00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:04,655
He killed you?
311
00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:08,116
As I lay dying,
my last thought was
312
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,992
at least Ivan
can't hurt me now.
313
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:13,425
How little I knew.
314
00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:16,097
You're dead.
How much worse can things get?
315
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,338
As my spirit left my body,
316
00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:25,875
I saw a portal open to a
beautiful blue, glowing place.
317
00:17:26,912 --> 00:17:30,473
But before I could get through
it, Ivan stood in my way.
318
00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:32,282
He'd killed himself
319
00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:35,445
to make sure I couldn't go
to the next world.
320
00:17:35,521 --> 00:17:37,182
RANDl: How cruel.
321
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,021
Well, it is.
322
00:17:40,592 --> 00:17:42,787
I managed to escape
from Ivan.
323
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:47,293
But by the time I got back,
my portal had closed.
324
00:17:47,366 --> 00:17:48,856
So find another portal.
325
00:17:48,934 --> 00:17:51,368
Sorry, only one
per customer.
326
00:17:52,337 --> 00:17:56,569
So you have to wander this
Earth like a fugitive forever?
327
00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:59,068
Sometimes it feels like it.
328
00:17:59,378 --> 00:18:02,541
My portal reopens
once every 100 years
329
00:18:02,614 --> 00:18:04,878
on the anniversary
of my death.
330
00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:08,442
Ivan would do anything to
make sure I don't go through.
331
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:10,818
I'll do anything
to make sure that I do.
332
00:18:10,889 --> 00:18:13,323
Including hijacking my mother.
333
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:14,885
You coming to bed?
334
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,258
I'll do worse than that if I have to.
335
00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:18,591
IAN: Mum, no! MR.
MATHESON: Good God, woman.
336
00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:20,461
Don't do anything drastic.
337
00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:22,932
If you don't want to come,
just say the word.
338
00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:24,057
(CHUCKLING)
339
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,929
Relax, sailor.
I wouldn't miss it.
340
00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:31,939
Then how do you explain
the last 15 years?
341
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:36,173
Do you think
my father is safe?
342
00:18:36,248 --> 00:18:37,613
(MR. AND MRS. MATHESON
GIGGLING)
343
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:39,378
Absolutely not.
344
00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:43,252
But it will keep her occupied
while we find answers.
345
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:44,311
(DOOR CLOSES)
346
00:18:46,024 --> 00:18:47,855
(BELL TOLLING)
347
00:18:49,528 --> 00:18:53,020
Exorcisms. Forcing
a spirit out of cattle.
348
00:18:53,365 --> 00:18:56,061
Removing a hex
from a haunted tree.
349
00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:59,164
What to do when your
daughter's head starts spinning.
350
00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:00,227
(SIGHING)
351
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,434
Useless.
352
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:05,543
Imagine how that poor
woman must be feeling.
353
00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:07,401
It's all I can imagine.
354
00:19:07,746 --> 00:19:10,408
But don't worry, we'll
free Mum soon enough.
355
00:19:10,582 --> 00:19:12,550
I'm talking about Sarah.
356
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:17,483
Oh, yes. It must be terrible for
her to have to drink all that liquor
357
00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:20,081
and make a spectacle
out of my mother.
358
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:23,026
Imagine someone
hating you so much
359
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:25,757
that he's willing to die
to make sure you suffer.
360
00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:27,422
I'm sure she deserved it.
361
00:19:28,767 --> 00:19:30,758
If she's telling us
the truth at all.
362
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,934
She sounded so sincere.
363
00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:36,599
Of course she did.
She's using my mother's voice.
364
00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:41,443
Look, we have no idea what this
specter really wants from us.
365
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:45,316
And we're not going to let her
hang around long enough to find out.
366
00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:48,519
Do you ever get tired
of being such a pessimist?
367
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:49,780
A pessimist?
368
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:54,690
Because I don't embrace every marauding
spook who decides to possess my family?
369
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:58,489
It's not just Sarah. I'm talking
about Professor Mason, too.
370
00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:01,328
Professor Mason?
Yeah.
371
00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:03,594
I mean, you made him sound
like he was some kind of monster
372
00:20:03,669 --> 00:20:05,000
when, actually, I thought
he was kind of nice.
373
00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:08,233
The lecture!
It was today?
374
00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:10,832
Don't panic. I'm sure
we can still make it.
375
00:20:11,176 --> 00:20:13,371
The lecture doesn't
start until...
376
00:20:14,613 --> 00:20:15,773
Four hours ago.
377
00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:18,549
Professor Mason, a funny thing
happened on the way to your lecture.
378
00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:20,744
You're not going
to believe why we missed it.
379
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,953
Mum? Mum?
380
00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:24,386
(MRS. MATHESON LAUGHING)
381
00:20:24,456 --> 00:20:25,445
IAN: Mum?
382
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,154
Hi, Sonny.
383
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,592
It's not
what it looks like.
384
00:20:29,661 --> 00:20:32,323
But it could have been if you
hadn't shown up for few more minutes.
385
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:33,728
How could you?
386
00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:36,700
The old geezer pooped out
on me. He's upstairs napping.
387
00:20:36,768 --> 00:20:37,928
And I got itchy.
388
00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:40,471
Yes. For conversation.
That's all.
389
00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:42,734
MASON: We were just trying
to solve that little
390
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:44,776
mythological puzzle
you set us last night.
391
00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:46,606
Yeah, that's all.
392
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:48,174
And a couple
of other things.
393
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,011
(BOTH LAUGHING)
394
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,209
This woman is
an absolute demon
395
00:20:52,284 --> 00:20:54,582
when it comes to talking
about the supernatural.
396
00:20:54,653 --> 00:20:57,952
I was so captivated, I'm
afraid I missed my own lecture.
397
00:20:58,523 --> 00:20:59,751
I'll bet.
398
00:20:59,825 --> 00:21:02,259
She has a fascinating
perspective
399
00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:04,818
on the question
of spiritual possession.
400
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:07,890
She didn't show you how to
remove such a spirit, did she?
401
00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:11,231
Oh, my dear boy, everybody knows
that in possession mythology,
402
00:21:11,303 --> 00:21:13,737
the only way to kill the
ghost is to kill the host.
403
00:21:13,805 --> 00:21:14,829
Kill the host?
404
00:21:14,906 --> 00:21:17,807
Yes. In the Middle Ages, people
who were thought to be possessed
405
00:21:17,876 --> 00:21:19,901
were burned at the stake.
Ouch.
406
00:21:19,978 --> 00:21:23,141
They never survived, of course,
but their souls were freed.
407
00:21:24,816 --> 00:21:26,010
That could hurt.
408
00:21:26,084 --> 00:21:29,053
MASON: Yes, but lan knows that that's
not the answer to his little riddle.
409
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,748
That would be
far too easy.
410
00:21:31,323 --> 00:21:34,622
You wouldn't want to do
that to your dear old mum.
411
00:21:34,826 --> 00:21:36,191
Would you, darling?
412
00:21:36,261 --> 00:21:37,694
Don't tempt me.
413
00:21:40,599 --> 00:21:42,931
I feel awful about
this, Professor.
414
00:21:43,001 --> 00:21:45,663
I know. What I did was...
415
00:21:46,538 --> 00:21:48,335
Inexcusable.
IAN: You?
416
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:50,465
I have never felt
so ashamed in my life.
417
00:21:50,542 --> 00:21:54,000
I have embarrassed you and
compromised our friendship.
418
00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:56,912
If there's anything I can do to make
up for it. Anything in the world.
419
00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:59,610
Well, there's
nothing.
420
00:21:59,951 --> 00:22:02,749
Except for maybe that job
opening in your department?
421
00:22:02,821 --> 00:22:06,518
It was his before I got here.
It was going to be a surprise.
422
00:22:06,925 --> 00:22:09,587
I shall put the paperwork
through the moment I get back.
423
00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:11,925
Assuming, of course, that
you still want the job.
424
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:13,988
But now I do hope
425
00:22:14,066 --> 00:22:17,467
we may consider this
little affair forgotten.
426
00:22:19,271 --> 00:22:23,207
Randi, I am shocked.
I am appalled.
427
00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:25,771
I'm teaching at Oxford!
428
00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:28,039
Mind you! I'm not
going to let you
429
00:22:28,113 --> 00:22:30,604
roam the halls
and say you stumped me.
430
00:22:30,682 --> 00:22:34,709
I'm going to unravel your little problem
tonight if it's the last thing I do.
431
00:22:34,786 --> 00:22:36,378
Congratulations!
432
00:22:37,522 --> 00:22:39,649
Imagine. Oxford.
433
00:22:39,925 --> 00:22:42,018
(GIGGLING UPSTAIRS)
434
00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:45,621
First, research.
435
00:22:47,065 --> 00:22:48,293
(LAUGHING)
436
00:22:51,837 --> 00:22:53,600
(HUMMING)
437
00:22:55,340 --> 00:22:56,329
(HUMMING)
438
00:23:12,157 --> 00:23:13,749
Ah-ha!
439
00:23:14,493 --> 00:23:16,859
I'm on to you, my boy.
440
00:23:22,768 --> 00:23:23,757
Oh...
441
00:23:29,074 --> 00:23:30,837
(HUMMING)
442
00:23:32,077 --> 00:23:33,476
(SNORTS)
443
00:23:38,183 --> 00:23:40,651
Anyone want a Manhattan? No.
444
00:23:40,719 --> 00:23:43,620
And you don't, either.
My mum is not a lush.
445
00:23:43,989 --> 00:23:45,513
But I am.
446
00:23:45,757 --> 00:23:47,748
Listen, we've learned
a few things here.
447
00:23:47,826 --> 00:23:48,884
Oh, goodie.
448
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:52,225
There was a cult, popular
in Ruritania, that believed
449
00:23:52,831 --> 00:23:56,358
anyone could remain on Earth
forever, even after death,
450
00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:59,336
as long as they occupied
one body after another.
451
00:23:59,704 --> 00:24:01,399
But obviously
you knew that.
452
00:24:01,473 --> 00:24:02,872
Obviously.
453
00:24:04,176 --> 00:24:05,404
(SQUAWKING)
454
00:24:05,477 --> 00:24:06,466
Scram!
455
00:24:07,145 --> 00:24:09,010
My sentiments exactly.
456
00:24:10,315 --> 00:24:12,476
Actually, I found out
by accident.
457
00:24:12,551 --> 00:24:13,575
Accident?
458
00:24:13,652 --> 00:24:17,713
When I died and Ivan blocked
off my portal to the next world,
459
00:24:17,956 --> 00:24:21,221
he came after me.
Well, I had to hide somewhere.
460
00:24:21,693 --> 00:24:26,426
And there was this cat on the window
ledge and suddenly I was the cat.
461
00:24:33,338 --> 00:24:34,327
(CHUCKLES)
462
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,238
And he thought
he could beat the master.
463
00:24:45,617 --> 00:24:47,141
(MR. MATHESON HUMMING)
464
00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:52,214
Oh!
465
00:24:53,992 --> 00:24:55,357
Oi!
466
00:25:00,732 --> 00:25:01,892
(SCREAMING)
467
00:25:04,936 --> 00:25:06,870
(CHATTERING ON POLICE RADIO)
468
00:25:10,442 --> 00:25:12,273
863, come in, please.
469
00:25:12,344 --> 00:25:14,039
863, come in, please.
470
00:25:15,714 --> 00:25:17,773
Now, I've got it.
471
00:25:18,583 --> 00:25:19,948
What is it?
472
00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:23,079
It's Ivan.
473
00:25:24,856 --> 00:25:26,687
He's here.
474
00:25:28,226 --> 00:25:29,454
(GROWLS)
475
00:25:39,604 --> 00:25:41,435
Angel pie!
476
00:25:41,673 --> 00:25:45,404
I don't like the way you've
been talking to my wife.
477
00:25:45,477 --> 00:25:47,911
So sorry, my good man.
It won't happen again.
478
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:49,770
MR. MATHESON: So sorry,
my good man.
479
00:25:49,848 --> 00:25:51,008
(MASON SCREAMING)
480
00:25:56,788 --> 00:25:58,915
MR. MATHESON: It won't
happen again.
481
00:25:58,990 --> 00:26:01,481
(MR. MATHESON LAUGHING)
482
00:26:07,732 --> 00:26:09,666
Professor...
483
00:26:21,947 --> 00:26:23,847
MR. MATHESON: Where is she?
Dad?
484
00:26:23,915 --> 00:26:26,247
Not anymore.
Ivan.
485
00:26:26,318 --> 00:26:27,876
If you've hurt
Professor Mason...
486
00:26:27,953 --> 00:26:31,912
I didn't hurt him.
I killed him.
487
00:26:33,224 --> 00:26:35,158
And I'll kill you
488
00:26:35,226 --> 00:26:38,320
if you get in my way.
489
00:26:39,698 --> 00:26:43,498
Come out, come out,
wherever you are.
490
00:26:47,005 --> 00:26:49,906
Damn! She's gone!
491
00:26:50,976 --> 00:26:52,739
Clean up
the mess upstairs
492
00:26:52,844 --> 00:26:55,210
before it stinks up
the rest of this house.
493
00:26:56,848 --> 00:26:58,907
Get me
a beer, love.
494
00:26:59,851 --> 00:27:01,250
I wouldn't.
495
00:27:01,753 --> 00:27:04,950
I'm your loving daddy,
remember?
496
00:27:05,924 --> 00:27:08,791
I don't know where
Sarah's gone.
497
00:27:08,860 --> 00:27:10,760
But she'll be back.
498
00:27:10,829 --> 00:27:14,060
And this time I'll kill her
499
00:27:14,132 --> 00:27:16,157
for good!
500
00:27:16,267 --> 00:27:19,293
And the rest of you
in this house,
501
00:27:19,671 --> 00:27:23,732
if you displease me.
502
00:27:24,009 --> 00:27:26,443
Do you like your beer
warm or chilled?
503
00:27:29,681 --> 00:27:31,114
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
504
00:27:31,683 --> 00:27:32,672
(SQUAWKING)
505
00:27:53,405 --> 00:27:56,306
IAN: Careful of his head.
RANDl: Okay, okay. Keep going.
506
00:27:56,374 --> 00:27:59,241
IAN: His mind enriched
a generation.
507
00:27:59,878 --> 00:28:02,438
His soul ennobled a nation.
508
00:28:02,514 --> 00:28:04,414
RANDl: But his body
weighs a ton.
509
00:28:04,482 --> 00:28:09,647
IAN: Haven't you just a little
bit of respect for Professor Mason?
510
00:28:09,888 --> 00:28:13,085
I have more than respect, I
happened to have loved this man.
511
00:28:13,158 --> 00:28:15,490
This is not
Professor Mason.
512
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:19,287
This is just
flesh and bone.
513
00:28:19,631 --> 00:28:20,620
Got him?
514
00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:23,634
It's a crime to treat
his body this way.
515
00:28:28,273 --> 00:28:29,604
Not
516
00:28:31,376 --> 00:28:34,345
as big...
Oh, dear. Get up.
517
00:28:34,579 --> 00:28:39,175
Not as big a crime as killing
him in the first place.
518
00:28:39,684 --> 00:28:40,981
But...
519
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,411
RANDl: Feet, feet, feet, feet. IAN: Yes.
520
00:28:45,724 --> 00:28:47,248
(BOTH GRUNTING)
521
00:28:48,226 --> 00:28:51,286
Who would get the blame for
that if we called the police?
522
00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:55,658
Surely we could explain.
What?
523
00:28:55,734 --> 00:28:56,962
That it wasn't your
father who killed him,
524
00:28:57,035 --> 00:29:00,527
but it was, but it wasn't, because he
was possessed by a ghost at the time?
525
00:29:04,342 --> 00:29:05,707
Good point.
526
00:29:06,878 --> 00:29:09,073
Good night,
sweet prince.
527
00:29:10,281 --> 00:29:13,341
Wait a minute. We can't leave
his body down here forever.
528
00:29:13,418 --> 00:29:15,181
Of course not.
529
00:29:15,487 --> 00:29:19,048
Okay, when this is all over, we'll
make more permanent arrangements.
530
00:29:21,359 --> 00:29:24,590
IAN: A proper
Christian burial.
531
00:29:26,364 --> 00:29:28,764
A service in
Winchester Cathedral.
532
00:29:28,833 --> 00:29:32,963
A chance for the scholars of the world
to pay their respects to a great man.
533
00:29:33,772 --> 00:29:35,296
Yeah, right.
534
00:29:36,407 --> 00:29:39,205
(PANTS) Either that
or dump it in the Thames.
535
00:29:39,277 --> 00:29:42,178
This is Professor Mason
you're talking about.
536
00:29:42,247 --> 00:29:44,477
I feel bad about
this too, okay?
537
00:29:44,549 --> 00:29:46,540
What do you suggest
we do with his body?
538
00:29:47,652 --> 00:29:50,143
Let's worry about
my father's body first.
539
00:29:51,122 --> 00:29:52,111
Let me see.
540
00:29:52,290 --> 00:29:55,418
For a start,
we could figure out
541
00:29:55,493 --> 00:29:57,859
what Ivan is doing here
in the first place.
542
00:29:57,929 --> 00:29:58,953
He's looking for Sarah.
543
00:29:59,030 --> 00:30:01,089
Yes, and what
is she doing here?
544
00:30:04,702 --> 00:30:06,897
She never did say, did she? No.
545
00:30:07,172 --> 00:30:08,639
Oh, great.
546
00:30:08,907 --> 00:30:10,465
(BOTH GRUNT)
547
00:30:10,842 --> 00:30:13,242
1,2,3, in you go.
548
00:30:14,546 --> 00:30:15,535
Adiós.
549
00:30:15,647 --> 00:30:17,376
Maybe...
550
00:30:18,383 --> 00:30:20,544
Maybe she read our ad in the newspaper.
551
00:30:21,753 --> 00:30:24,381
Ghosts don't read
newspapers.
552
00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:31,254
Ghost don't read
newspapers, they write them.
553
00:30:31,329 --> 00:30:34,321
Randi, ghosts neither
read nor write newspapers.
554
00:30:34,399 --> 00:30:35,923
RANDl: What about
ghost writers?
555
00:30:37,068 --> 00:30:38,262
RANDl: Oh, no!
556
00:30:39,337 --> 00:30:41,328
(MRS. MATHESON EXCLAIMING)
557
00:30:42,974 --> 00:30:45,169
(MRS. MATHESON WHOOPING)
558
00:30:48,012 --> 00:30:49,138
Mum, are you back to...
559
00:30:49,514 --> 00:30:50,708
(MR. AND MRS. MATHESON
GIGGLING)
560
00:30:50,782 --> 00:30:52,079
Mum, are you
all right?
561
00:30:52,150 --> 00:30:54,380
Stop it,
the children are here.
562
00:30:54,452 --> 00:30:57,785
She's fine.
Aren't you, pet?
563
00:30:57,856 --> 00:31:01,417
I had a wonderful night's
sleep. I've never felt better.
564
00:31:01,826 --> 00:31:03,384
You will.
565
00:31:04,829 --> 00:31:07,024
What's gotten into you?
566
00:31:07,098 --> 00:31:09,589
Your father's turned
into a monster.
567
00:31:09,667 --> 00:31:11,430
More than she knows.
568
00:31:11,502 --> 00:31:14,062
How are you feeling?
Have you any ill effects?
569
00:31:15,106 --> 00:31:16,698
What do you remember?
570
00:31:16,774 --> 00:31:18,332
Everything.
571
00:31:18,409 --> 00:31:22,402
Not that it's any of your
business. I think I'll survive.
572
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:23,970
We'll see.
573
00:31:24,215 --> 00:31:27,241
We better be going back to the university.
There's a lot of work to do, you know.
574
00:31:27,318 --> 00:31:29,081
You don't mind, do you?
MR. MATHESON: Of course not.
575
00:31:29,153 --> 00:31:32,589
Your mum's safe with me.
576
00:31:33,024 --> 00:31:34,013
(LAUGHING)
577
00:31:35,426 --> 00:31:37,860
You're not running away and
leaving me alone with them?
578
00:31:37,929 --> 00:31:40,489
They'll be keeping to
themselves, I'm sure.
579
00:31:40,565 --> 00:31:42,965
He's a bear without his
morning tea, isn't he?
580
00:31:44,102 --> 00:31:45,865
(BELL TOLLING)
581
00:31:47,906 --> 00:31:49,134
RANDl: What are
we looking for?
582
00:31:49,207 --> 00:31:52,040
There's something in our
house these ghosts want.
583
00:31:52,310 --> 00:31:53,743
Warm beer and nookie?
584
00:31:53,811 --> 00:31:56,109
Whatever it is,
we're going to find it.
585
00:31:56,881 --> 00:31:58,109
In old newspapers?
586
00:31:58,182 --> 00:32:00,241
We've been looking
in the wrong places,
587
00:32:00,318 --> 00:32:03,651
while the truth was
right here all along.
588
00:32:03,955 --> 00:32:05,320
The truth?
589
00:32:05,390 --> 00:32:08,382
As it happened,
100 years ago, today.
590
00:32:15,733 --> 00:32:17,997
Sarah Bloom's obituary.
591
00:32:18,870 --> 00:32:21,361
It says she was 34 and
unmarried. She lied to us.
592
00:32:21,439 --> 00:32:23,066
Keep reading.
593
00:32:23,341 --> 00:32:25,275
It says she died
of tuberculosis in a house
594
00:32:25,343 --> 00:32:28,972
decorated by the royal portraits
of the family of Ruritania.
595
00:32:29,047 --> 00:32:31,675
And they were all killed
by revolutionaries.
596
00:32:31,749 --> 00:32:34,081
Lan, she lived
in your house.
597
00:32:34,152 --> 00:32:35,847
Now, that explains a lot.
598
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:37,888
Her portal must
be in the B&B.
599
00:32:37,956 --> 00:32:40,584
And she's waiting
for it to open again.
600
00:32:40,658 --> 00:32:44,424
But if she wasn't
married, who's Ivan?
601
00:32:44,495 --> 00:32:46,656
And why is
he chasing her?
602
00:32:46,731 --> 00:32:48,699
Read the third column.
603
00:32:59,544 --> 00:33:00,977
How odd.
604
00:33:02,146 --> 00:33:05,809
"An unidentified Ruritanian
man threw himself in front of
605
00:33:05,883 --> 00:33:07,350
"a speeding carriage today,
606
00:33:08,987 --> 00:33:11,285
"crying, 'Death to dictators,'
607
00:33:12,256 --> 00:33:14,622
"and was trampled
to death by the horses."
608
00:33:15,693 --> 00:33:17,456
Check the address.
609
00:33:20,498 --> 00:33:22,728
Right in front
of our house.
610
00:33:23,201 --> 00:33:26,762
BOTH: 100 years ago, today.
611
00:33:32,510 --> 00:33:34,205
(LOUD PIANO MUSIC)
612
00:33:34,278 --> 00:33:36,542
IAN: Can you use
the soft pedal please, Dad?
613
00:33:36,614 --> 00:33:37,876
MR. MATHESON:
There isn't one.
614
00:33:50,728 --> 00:33:52,491
(SQUAWKING)
615
00:33:52,563 --> 00:33:56,397
IAN: Dad. MR. MATHESON:
I'm not your dad, sonny.
616
00:33:59,804 --> 00:34:01,237
We have to find Sarah.
617
00:34:01,305 --> 00:34:03,603
She'll be here.
She has to be.
618
00:34:05,076 --> 00:34:07,510
We just have to find
her before your dad does.
619
00:34:11,149 --> 00:34:13,117
What are you two
whispering about?
620
00:34:13,818 --> 00:34:16,685
How excited we are about
you cooking dinner for us.
621
00:34:16,754 --> 00:34:19,587
I want my grub, woman!
622
00:34:19,657 --> 00:34:22,421
Tea now, dinner later.
623
00:34:22,493 --> 00:34:24,324
Dinner now!
624
00:34:24,395 --> 00:34:26,920
I've worked up an appetite.
625
00:34:27,465 --> 00:34:29,330
MRS. MATHESON: Me, too.
626
00:34:30,735 --> 00:34:32,828
Mum, are you all right?
627
00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:35,839
I don't think I can take
much more of this.
628
00:34:38,443 --> 00:34:39,705
(SHOUTS)
629
00:34:39,777 --> 00:34:41,870
I want a real drink.
630
00:34:42,613 --> 00:34:44,672
And get me my meat.
631
00:34:44,749 --> 00:34:46,307
Brute.
632
00:34:47,585 --> 00:34:49,177
Be nice.
633
00:34:49,253 --> 00:34:51,483
And maybe I'll show you
634
00:34:51,556 --> 00:34:54,548
how much of a brute I am.
635
00:35:02,633 --> 00:35:06,160
She'd like that, wouldn't she?
636
00:35:07,638 --> 00:35:12,098
Dad, you've gone too far. That's
my sister you're talking about.
637
00:35:12,276 --> 00:35:15,768
Looks like your brother to me.
638
00:35:16,581 --> 00:35:18,310
(LAUGHING)
639
00:35:19,283 --> 00:35:21,183
(PARROT SQUAWKS)
640
00:35:22,053 --> 00:35:23,748
Shut up!
PARROT: Randi.
641
00:35:23,821 --> 00:35:25,948
Oh, isn't that special?
642
00:35:26,023 --> 00:35:29,789
After all these months, that
bird's finally learned your name.
643
00:35:30,795 --> 00:35:32,854
The bird learned my name.
644
00:35:34,465 --> 00:35:35,932
PARROT: Randi, help.
645
00:35:42,173 --> 00:35:43,470
You call that a meal?
646
00:35:43,541 --> 00:35:46,339
I call that
tuna noodle delight.
647
00:35:46,410 --> 00:35:48,844
(MOUTHING) MR. MATHESON:
Tuna noodle delight?
648
00:35:50,715 --> 00:35:53,013
I call it garbage.
649
00:35:53,985 --> 00:35:56,545
He must have heard
about Aunt Elsa's cooking.
650
00:35:56,621 --> 00:35:58,851
I want meat.
651
00:35:58,956 --> 00:36:00,753
(SQUAWKING)
652
00:36:00,825 --> 00:36:04,852
Looks like a plateful to me.
653
00:36:05,596 --> 00:36:06,620
(SQUAWKING)
654
00:36:06,697 --> 00:36:08,665
Can you say
655
00:36:09,500 --> 00:36:11,365
fricassee?
656
00:36:12,170 --> 00:36:13,194
Randi, help.
657
00:36:13,271 --> 00:36:16,206
Can you? Sarah!
Help!
658
00:36:22,647 --> 00:36:26,515
Dad, that bird's a member
of this family. I love it.
659
00:36:26,651 --> 00:36:28,744
Wait till you taste it.
660
00:36:31,656 --> 00:36:33,920
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
661
00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:45,965
Here's a hint, Sarah Bloom.
662
00:36:46,604 --> 00:36:49,664
If you want to find
a hiding place,
663
00:36:49,874 --> 00:36:53,503
make sure
it doesn't have bars.
664
00:36:54,345 --> 00:36:57,075
I'll get you.
665
00:36:59,116 --> 00:37:01,084
Dad, no.
666
00:37:05,223 --> 00:37:06,451
Lan.
667
00:37:07,158 --> 00:37:10,127
There's a cockroach
running out of the room.
668
00:37:21,706 --> 00:37:24,004
IAN: What do you mean,
cockroach?
669
00:37:31,182 --> 00:37:33,275
That's Sarah.
670
00:37:33,451 --> 00:37:35,976
That is
a disgusting cockroach.
671
00:37:36,053 --> 00:37:38,681
And if I didn't live here,
I'd move lodgings immediately.
672
00:37:38,756 --> 00:37:42,522
Don't you see? She was in the
bird, now she's in the bug.
673
00:37:50,001 --> 00:37:52,435
Now she's me.
674
00:37:52,770 --> 00:37:54,294
This is no time
for games, Randi.
675
00:37:54,372 --> 00:37:56,397
Buffoon.
What?
676
00:37:59,677 --> 00:38:01,645
Will this convince you?
677
00:38:03,914 --> 00:38:05,643
The portal
to the next world.
678
00:38:05,716 --> 00:38:07,479
My portal.
679
00:38:07,551 --> 00:38:10,918
I died in this house
100 years ago tonight.
680
00:38:11,489 --> 00:38:14,219
Soon, this portal
will close forever.
681
00:38:14,358 --> 00:38:16,849
This time,
I'm going through it.
682
00:38:16,927 --> 00:38:18,952
Not with Ivan
still inside my father.
683
00:38:19,030 --> 00:38:23,296
Think, Professor. If he kills
me, he'll kill Randi, too.
684
00:38:23,968 --> 00:38:25,265
What did you
ever do to him?
685
00:38:25,336 --> 00:38:26,769
I didn't do anything.
686
00:38:27,405 --> 00:38:30,863
My real name is
Svetlana Renkov.
687
00:38:31,742 --> 00:38:34,939
The youngest daughter of
the Ruritanian dictator.
688
00:38:35,012 --> 00:38:36,639
But you're dead.
689
00:38:36,714 --> 00:38:39,911
I mean, you were executed
along with your family.
690
00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:45,211
I was only four years old
at the time.
691
00:38:45,856 --> 00:38:48,256
Our servants helped me
to escape.
692
00:38:48,926 --> 00:38:51,417
Why should I be punished for
crimes I didn't even commit?
693
00:38:51,495 --> 00:38:53,986
Crimes I couldn't
understand?
694
00:38:54,065 --> 00:38:57,000
And yet,
I was hunted my whole life.
695
00:38:57,301 --> 00:38:58,825
By Ivan?
696
00:38:58,903 --> 00:39:01,667
After 50 years,
he finally found me.
697
00:39:03,140 --> 00:39:04,971
But it was too late.
698
00:39:05,710 --> 00:39:07,143
I beat him.
699
00:39:07,712 --> 00:39:09,976
I died before
he could kill me.
700
00:39:10,281 --> 00:39:13,876
So he took his own life to stop
you entering the next world.
701
00:39:16,487 --> 00:39:19,979
Cruel bastard. But why didn't you
tell us this in the first place?
702
00:39:20,057 --> 00:39:22,082
I know who my father was.
703
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:26,152
I know what he did
to inspire such hatred.
704
00:39:27,498 --> 00:39:30,797
If Hitler's daughter came
to you, would you help her?
705
00:39:31,369 --> 00:39:32,358
(DOOR OPENS)
706
00:39:34,372 --> 00:39:36,932
Not if he's smart.
707
00:39:37,975 --> 00:39:40,842
Because this time,
sweetie,
708
00:39:41,245 --> 00:39:43,406
you aren't getting away.
709
00:39:43,881 --> 00:39:46,008
Even if it means
710
00:39:46,117 --> 00:39:50,315
I have to kill every
living thing in this house.
711
00:39:56,961 --> 00:39:59,452
Don't you think you're being
just a bit unreasonable?
712
00:39:59,530 --> 00:40:02,124
Her family stole
our lands.
713
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,525
I'd suffer for all eternity
714
00:40:05,603 --> 00:40:08,766
before I let her have
eternal peace.
715
00:40:08,873 --> 00:40:11,774
MR. MATHESON: They made
our sons into slaves
716
00:40:11,842 --> 00:40:14,606
and our daughters
into whores.
717
00:40:14,678 --> 00:40:18,705
We starved and died
so they could feast.
718
00:40:19,583 --> 00:40:22,313
Perhaps an apology
is in order.
719
00:40:22,953 --> 00:40:25,080
Would that do it
for you?
720
00:40:26,390 --> 00:40:29,086
Go ahead. Apologize.
See?
721
00:40:30,227 --> 00:40:31,717
She's sorry.
722
00:40:31,796 --> 00:40:35,288
I was only four years old.
I'm innocent.
723
00:40:35,366 --> 00:40:39,826
The sins of the father are
visited on the children!
724
00:40:39,904 --> 00:40:43,032
And your father
committed so many sins.
725
00:40:43,407 --> 00:40:45,500
MR. MATHESON: Go ahead, cower.
726
00:40:45,609 --> 00:40:48,077
But I'll hack right
through him,
727
00:40:48,145 --> 00:40:50,705
and I will kill you.
728
00:40:52,116 --> 00:40:54,584
Don't Aunt Elsa, stop it.
You'll kill him.
729
00:40:56,353 --> 00:41:00,221
Good work. Damn fool didn't
drink the drugged tea.
730
00:41:00,291 --> 00:41:02,691
You drugged
his tea? Why?
731
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:04,557
To knock 'em out,
of course.
732
00:41:04,628 --> 00:41:07,859
We don't want Ivan
jumping into lan or Mum.
733
00:41:09,166 --> 00:41:12,294
Don't stand there looking pretty,
girl, go through your portal.
734
00:41:12,369 --> 00:41:14,599
RANDl: What about Ivan?
735
00:41:14,672 --> 00:41:17,300
There's no one left
for him to jump into.
736
00:41:17,374 --> 00:41:18,864
There's you.
737
00:41:20,044 --> 00:41:23,377
Already taken, I'm afraid,
my dear young lady.
738
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:46,631
Professor Mason,
I assume?
739
00:41:47,438 --> 00:41:50,236
You always were
a bright student.
740
00:41:52,042 --> 00:41:54,510
Is he...
IAN: Oh, yes.
741
00:41:55,513 --> 00:41:58,073
Ivan won't be
troubling you anymore.
742
00:41:59,683 --> 00:42:02,174
Thank you both
for everything.
743
00:42:03,521 --> 00:42:07,287
Send us a postcard. Now, hurry.
You haven't got much time.
744
00:42:12,363 --> 00:42:13,887
Come with me, John.
745
00:42:13,964 --> 00:42:17,161
I appreciate the invitation,
my dear young lady.
746
00:42:17,234 --> 00:42:19,395
But I prefer to remain here.
747
00:42:19,470 --> 00:42:22,906
See you in 100 years. It's a date.
748
00:42:31,682 --> 00:42:36,142
ELSA: I never knew that
mythology could be so exciting.
749
00:42:37,054 --> 00:42:41,923
Good thing I solved your little
riddle before Ivan killed me.
750
00:42:42,526 --> 00:42:43,788
What are you
going to do now?
751
00:42:43,894 --> 00:42:45,691
Are you kidding?
752
00:42:45,763 --> 00:42:49,597
This is my chance to find
out all about real mythology.
753
00:42:49,934 --> 00:42:53,893
This will be the most
wonderful 100 years of my life.
754
00:42:53,971 --> 00:42:55,563
Afterlife.
755
00:42:55,639 --> 00:42:59,439
My dear lan,
you finally bested me.
756
00:43:00,177 --> 00:43:02,042
There's no way
I can top this.
757
00:43:02,112 --> 00:43:05,309
But when I come back
in the next century,
758
00:43:05,382 --> 00:43:08,408
there'll be a few
new riddles for you.
759
00:43:08,485 --> 00:43:09,884
I look forward
to it.
760
00:43:09,954 --> 00:43:13,583
And that reminds me.
Ditch my body.
761
00:43:13,657 --> 00:43:17,218
I don't want that down there
to greet me when I come back.
762
00:43:18,862 --> 00:43:22,161
I'm home. So, did I miss
anything when I was gone?
763
00:43:22,232 --> 00:43:25,633
Julian, dear boy, don't
go near your grandfather.
764
00:43:25,836 --> 00:43:28,862
He has the most
appalling cold.
765
00:43:31,742 --> 00:43:34,836
Drink your tea or your
throat will never get better.
766
00:43:34,912 --> 00:43:37,938
I've had 27 cups already.
767
00:43:39,450 --> 00:43:41,145
I'm going to burst.
768
00:43:41,218 --> 00:43:44,517
Do as I tell you.
I want you healthy again,
769
00:43:44,588 --> 00:43:46,522
so we can pick up
where we left off.
770
00:43:50,260 --> 00:43:52,251
(MUMBLING)
771
00:43:58,402 --> 00:44:00,734
I did miss something.
Nothing big.
772
00:44:01,372 --> 00:44:02,703
If you say so.
773
00:44:06,543 --> 00:44:08,067
(MUMBLING)
774
00:44:13,317 --> 00:44:14,978
I suppose I'd better
be going now.
775
00:44:15,052 --> 00:44:16,212
I'm sorry about everything, Professor.
776
00:44:16,286 --> 00:44:19,847
Oh, don't be. You've managed
to teach me something.
777
00:44:20,658 --> 00:44:24,992
There's a big wonderful world out
there which I never knew existed.
778
00:44:25,295 --> 00:44:27,490
And I can't wait
to explore it.
779
00:44:28,565 --> 00:44:30,157
My dear young lady,
780
00:44:30,234 --> 00:44:33,795
if I can find anything
to help you, I'll be back.
781
00:44:34,338 --> 00:44:35,828
Thank you,
Professor.
782
00:44:37,007 --> 00:44:38,406
(CAT MEOWS)
783
00:44:44,381 --> 00:44:47,509
Wait a minute. What
about my job at Oxford?
784
00:44:48,185 --> 00:44:49,174
(SIGHS)
785
00:44:49,553 --> 00:44:53,250
My dad was right. I should
never have switched majors.
786
00:45:04,301 --> 00:45:07,168
IAN: High up in the Urals
and on the plains of Hungary,
787
00:45:07,237 --> 00:45:11,298
they believed that the horse was the earthly
representation of the long lost tribe.
788
00:45:11,375 --> 00:45:12,808
Am I boring you,
Mr. Salsbury?
789
00:45:12,876 --> 00:45:14,343
I thought your lecture
was quite interesting.
790
00:45:14,411 --> 00:45:18,370
Really? Well, you can return the favor
by giving us a little lecture of your own.
791
00:45:19,116 --> 00:45:21,175
Parikshit.
Parikshit?
792
00:45:21,251 --> 00:45:24,812
Parikshit, Parikshit.
Parikshit. Right.
793
00:45:24,888 --> 00:45:28,119
As none of you seem to be up on
your studies of the Mahabharata,
794
00:45:28,192 --> 00:45:31,992
you can all go to the library and bone
up on it before tomorrow's study session.
795
00:45:37,468 --> 00:45:39,368
"10-to-1, Webber's Way."
796
00:45:39,436 --> 00:45:41,165
You are cruel,
aren't you?
797
00:45:41,238 --> 00:45:44,401
I'm just trying to keep the
spirit of Professor Mason alive.
798
00:45:44,475 --> 00:45:46,773
His spirit is alive.
799
00:45:47,077 --> 00:45:49,238
You know, he used to think
I was scared of him.
800
00:45:49,313 --> 00:45:53,113
The truth is I used to pretend I was,
just because I knew it pleased him.
801
00:45:53,183 --> 00:45:54,343
I was such
a good student.
802
00:45:54,418 --> 00:45:57,080
His spirit is alive,
my dear boy.
803
00:45:57,488 --> 00:46:00,480
Professor?
Laryntooga.
804
00:46:00,557 --> 00:46:02,991
Laryntooga, Laryntooga... Laryntooga.
805
00:46:03,060 --> 00:46:05,494
Laryntooga, Laryntooga...
I'll get my notes now.
806
00:46:06,797 --> 00:46:08,628
Fooled him again.