1
00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:03,399
[###]
2
00:00:03,603 --> 00:00:05,468
I think I'm failing
Psychopharmacology.
3
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:07,071
Why are you taking that?
4
00:00:07,273 --> 00:00:10,674
I thought it was a class
about crazy farm animals, okay?
5
00:00:10,877 --> 00:00:12,845
Let's finish the unit.
I don't wanna be late for lunch.
6
00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:15,480
Amar is to love, right?
7
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:19,709
Oh, speaking of love, Shirley, how's
it going with the sexy dreadlock guy?
8
00:00:19,919 --> 00:00:21,910
Oh, I'm sure I don't have
a chance with him.
9
00:00:22,489 --> 00:00:24,047
Abed and I talked to him
by the vending machine.
10
00:00:24,257 --> 00:00:26,657
He asked about you.
He specifically asked about me?
11
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:30,057
When Annie brought you up, he
specifically asked, "Who is that?"
12
00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:31,819
Abed.
Oh.
13
00:00:32,499 --> 00:00:33,557
What?
That's what he said.
14
00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:36,634
Abed, your social skills
aren't exactly streets ahead.
15
00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:38,428
You know what I mean?
I don't.
16
00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:40,128
You're not alone in this case.
Pierce.
17
00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:42,570
Stop trying to coin the phrase,
"Streets ahead."
18
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,903
Trying? Ha, ha.
19
00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:46,976
Coined and minted.
20
00:00:47,180 --> 00:00:48,579
Been there, coined that.
21
00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:51,581
"Streets ahead" is verbal wildfire.
22
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:55,846
Does it just mean cool, or is it
supposed to be like miles ahead?
23
00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:58,220
If you have to ask,
you're streets behind.
24
00:00:58,425 --> 00:00:59,915
Okay. We can banter
if we wanna banter.
25
00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:02,924
But I'm leaving for lunch early.
Me too.
26
00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:04,255
ANNIE: Me three.
PIERCE: Streets ahead.
27
00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:07,228
Man, you guys really love these
stupid chicken fingers, huh?
28
00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:10,562
They're not stupid, they're the
only good thing in the cafeteria.
29
00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:12,863
I haven't had one in weeks.
They run out so fast.
30
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,665
If God were edible,
not that I'm Catholic,
31
00:01:14,874 --> 00:01:17,240
but if it was cool to eat God,
he'd be a chicken finger.
32
00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:18,433
Mm-hm.
33
00:01:18,878 --> 00:01:20,937
Well, I wouldn't know.
I'm a vegetarian.
34
00:01:21,147 --> 00:01:22,444
Oh, shocker.
ANNIE: Yeah.
35
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:25,379
And if you guys knew how they treated
the animals that you're eating,
36
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:28,645
you'd eat them even faster just
to put them out of their misery.
37
00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:30,948
And then you would throw up.
38
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:34,786
I don't know, maybe I'm feeling
extra protective of animals today
39
00:01:34,994 --> 00:01:36,518
because my cat is sick.
40
00:01:36,729 --> 00:01:38,128
JEFF: Oh, a cat?
That's awful.
41
00:01:38,331 --> 00:01:39,491
BRITTA:
He has diabetes.
42
00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:41,633
He can't even make it
to the litter box.
43
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,302
Chicken run.
ANNIE: Whoo!
44
00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:49,239
I'm afraid that I'm gonna
have to put her to sleep and...
45
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:50,966
Mm-hm.
46
00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:52,838
Aw, go on.
God bless you.
47
00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:55,776
Save some for me.
WOMAN: Watch out.
48
00:01:55,982 --> 00:01:57,950
[THE 88'S "AT LEAST
IT WAS HERE" PLAYING]
49
00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:06,954
Oh. I can hear those
fingers calling my name.
50
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,718
GIRL: Troy.
Troy, Troy.
51
00:02:08,928 --> 00:02:11,590
GIRL: Did you get my text message?
Did you get my text message?
52
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,197
I think it's...
53
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,090
GIRL:
Hi.
54
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:19,934
I gotta stop hanging out with her.
She sounds like a chicken finger.
55
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:21,829
Again?
56
00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:25,033
PIERCE: Outrageous.
At least apologize.
57
00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:28,271
How can you just stand there
like a mute idiot?
58
00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:33,176
Ooh.
Well,
59
00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:34,546
throat surgery
might humanize you.
60
00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:36,381
But it doesn't make
this acceptable.
61
00:02:36,589 --> 00:02:38,284
So cute.
62
00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,516
And I don't even normally
like dreadlocks.
63
00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:42,490
Hello.
64
00:02:44,264 --> 00:02:46,198
His dreadlocks remind me
of the Predator.
65
00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:47,559
Which is weird because
66
00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:50,793
you're doing the actual hunting,
and you seem invisible to him.
67
00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:54,471
Abed, you know what I do?
68
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,301
Before I talk, I ask myself:
69
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:57,669
"What am I about to say?
70
00:02:57,877 --> 00:03:00,243
And how might it affect
each person listening?"
71
00:03:00,446 --> 00:03:01,777
I'm really glad you said that,
Britta.
72
00:03:01,981 --> 00:03:03,744
The idea that you
compulsively filter yourself
73
00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:05,542
makes your lack of flavor
kind of a flavor.
74
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:11,747
Sorry, guys, they ran out again.
Something's gotta be done.
75
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:15,321
MAN 1:
Oh, I love chicken fingers.
76
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,052
Hey.
MAN 2: Oh, you're the man.
77
00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:19,728
What the hell, man?
78
00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:22,496
That's half our problem
right there.
79
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:25,170
Star-Burns works the fryer
and skims fingers.
80
00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:26,360
No way.
81
00:03:26,573 --> 00:03:29,804
He gives them to people just so
they'll act like he isn't Star-Burns.
82
00:03:30,009 --> 00:03:33,274
Well, I may not eat meat, but I
am not gonna eat that injustice.
83
00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:34,468
Let's complain.
Yeah.
84
00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:37,411
If we complain, he gets a warning
and learns to be sneakier.
85
00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:42,179
I say we knock him out of the kitchen and replace
him with one of our own all in one move.
86
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:43,719
Then we're the ones
with the chicken.
87
00:03:43,923 --> 00:03:44,912
It's like a mafia movie.
88
00:03:45,124 --> 00:03:46,352
ABED:
As far back as I can remember,
89
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,288
I always wanted to be in
a mafia movie.
90
00:03:48,494 --> 00:03:50,587
Cool.
That's exactly what it's like, Abed.
91
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:53,789
And you get the most important job.
You're gonna be fry cook.
92
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,399
We may be watching
different mafia movies.
93
00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:57,035
You worked in
your dad's restaurant, right?
94
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,637
Well, you'll apply for the job
after we get Star-Burns fired.
95
00:03:59,839 --> 00:04:01,966
BRITTA: I don't know.
I don't know about the firing.
96
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:04,803
I think he really relies on that income.
PIERCE: Yeah, man.
97
00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:06,672
Every day you flock here
like sheep
98
00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:09,712
and wait in line for a broken
promise from a dirty system.
99
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:12,544
ABED: Back in those days, Jeff Winger was
the guy that made things happen.
100
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:15,915
He always knew what to say, and he
always knew when to slap the table.
101
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:17,851
You wanna be sheep,
keep flocking.
102
00:04:18,057 --> 00:04:20,389
You wanna be wolves,
form a pack.
103
00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:22,784
And that was it. It was that simple.
104
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,226
At that moment,
we stopped being a family
105
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:28,059
and started being a family
in italics.
106
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,257
[###]
107
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:30,697
Britta got cozy with Star-Burns.
108
00:04:30,903 --> 00:04:32,200
Can I touch both of...? Oh.
Yeah.
109
00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:34,270
He lowered his guard.
110
00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:37,169
He was gone.
111
00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:38,537
[###]
112
00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:41,111
I mean, the way Jeff saw it,
by not respecting us,
113
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,111
Star-Burns had basically
brought it on himself.
114
00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:44,613
And when his job opened up,
115
00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:48,583
we did what we had to do to keep
the list of applicants to a minimum.
116
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,552
I had worked in my dad's falafel restaurant
, so I had a pretty impressive resume.
117
00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:52,747
It's very impressive.
118
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:56,417
Especially your reference.
Just give them a call right now.
119
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,494
But we weren't taking any chances.
The fix was in.
120
00:04:58,698 --> 00:04:59,687
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
121
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,700
Trump Tower, this is Donald.
122
00:05:02,902 --> 00:05:05,268
Well, he can deep-fry the hell out
of chicken I can tell you that.
123
00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:09,100
Troy even applied for the same job and
gave the world's worst interview.
124
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,971
Just to make me look better,
and that was that.
125
00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:13,167
[###]
126
00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:16,678
This was the glorious time. No more
racing to the cafeteria. No more lines.
127
00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:20,011
To us, lines were for suckers,
hacks, sheep.
128
00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:22,187
We were wolves.
129
00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:24,652
And we had the chicken to prove it.
130
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,052
To victory.
131
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:32,129
It feels unfamiliar,
but it tastes like chicken.
132
00:05:35,435 --> 00:05:37,995
MAN: Hi.
Hello.
133
00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:40,069
You guys are lucky.
They're always running out.
134
00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:41,701
Would you like one?
135
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:46,168
The name's Shirley, memorize it.
I will, Shirley.
136
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,244
JEFF:
See that, ladies?
137
00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:50,575
The universe goes by supply
and demand.
138
00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:53,479
The more you take and use,
the more it sends.
139
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:55,586
Somebody's been taking a little extra.
What's in that container?
140
00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:57,050
Eight fingers.
Abed.
141
00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:59,180
Abed's study group.
142
00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:02,860
Why you giving Chang chicken?
We have an agreement.
143
00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:04,962
If you get caught skimming,
you get fired.
144
00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:09,328
We all go back to eating like Britta.
Yeah, we put you in that job.
145
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:11,594
I dressed like a crazy pharaoh
for you, man.
146
00:06:11,804 --> 00:06:13,738
You make the fingers, Abed,
not the decisions.
147
00:06:14,173 --> 00:06:15,834
I'm sorry.
It's okay, buddy.
148
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,340
But just remember,
these things have power.
149
00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:22,044
So just let me know next time you
have any more agreements, all right?
150
00:06:22,248 --> 00:06:24,273
Yeah, I agreed to give Chang
eight fingers per lunch
151
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:27,453
in exchange for a 10 percent bump
on every Spanish test for each of us.
152
00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:28,745
SHIRLEY:
Oh.
153
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:31,549
Okay, Abed makes the fingers
and the decisions.
154
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:35,592
BRITTA: Yeah, I'm gonna
pass Spanish class.
155
00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:38,730
ANNIE:
Oh, Abed, you're the best.
156
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:43,535
ABED: At Greendale, they were
always out of chicken fingers.
157
00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:45,931
So whoever could get them
had power.
158
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,505
And I the guy was in the apron,
so I came up with a system.
159
00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:51,336
And pretty soon half the chicken at
Greendale was going out the side door.
160
00:06:51,544 --> 00:06:53,068
[JAMES ELMORE'S "SHAKE
YOUR MONE Y MAKER" PLAYS]
161
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:56,407
Everybody in our crew had a job.
T- Bone was the bag man.
162
00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:59,915
He'd move the fingers to a storeroom
where two of the girls did the packaging.
163
00:07:00,119 --> 00:07:03,213
We could trust them not to eat the
supply because Britta was a vegetarian.
164
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:06,722
And Shirley figured that if she stole,
she'd go to hell.
165
00:07:07,193 --> 00:07:11,254
They'd hand the stuff out the window to Annie.
She was the leg man, the distributor.
166
00:07:12,698 --> 00:07:15,462
The crazy thing was,
it was their food.
167
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:19,104
And we were stealing it and giving it
back to them like it was a big favor.
168
00:07:19,305 --> 00:07:22,741
Nobody asked any questions, because
Pierce's experience as a CEO
169
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,502
had taught him how
to keep the wheels from squeaking.
170
00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:27,269
I had it all worked out
on a schedule.
171
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:28,469
You know, I've never been fired.
172
00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:30,546
The minute before
you thought about busting us,
173
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,911
that was the minute
you had chicken in your hand.
174
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,679
STAR-BURNS: It's just insulting that
you're eating his chicken fingers
175
00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:37,446
in front of me.
176
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,452
Everyone had their hand out.
Everyone wanted what we had.
177
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:41,991
Oh. Well, here you go.
178
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:45,957
And Jeff had
the most important job of all.
179
00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:48,292
He was at the top.
He was the boss.
180
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:50,298
He was our leader.
181
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:52,027
What the hell is going on?
182
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:53,865
AV kids hooked it up.
183
00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:56,303
Abed supplied the whole
department with chicken fingers.
184
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:59,376
You think that's good, check out
my posse and Troy's monkey.
185
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:02,013
Troy, why do you have a monkey?
186
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,046
It's an animal that
looks like a dude.
187
00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:05,478
Why don't I have 10 of them?
188
00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:09,143
Guys, look at what
Abed scored for me.
189
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,616
It has a million zippers,
190
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:14,156
and it was free.
191
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,654
SHIRLEY: Oh, robot.
I am a robot.
192
00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:22,232
I am programmed
to love this backpack.
193
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:23,527
This is insane.
194
00:08:23,736 --> 00:08:27,502
More insane than programming
them to replace auto workers?
195
00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:28,765
What?
196
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:32,411
Okay, okay, if you're not
in this study group, please...
197
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,305
SHIRLEY: No, no.
That means you, sexy dreadlocks.
198
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,846
Britta's hairdresser.
What?
199
00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:40,177
Pierce's hackneyed entourage.
Hackneyed?
200
00:08:40,386 --> 00:08:41,410
You see the turban guy?
201
00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:45,216
Yes, in a '90s ski movie
that featured an entourage.
202
00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:46,982
Don't you guys think
this is getting out of hand?
203
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:48,182
BRITTA:
We're not gonna get caught.
204
00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:49,486
We have campus security
on the take.
205
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,185
Abed's got it all figured out.
206
00:08:52,231 --> 00:08:53,323
Well, that's a relief.
TROY: Yeah.
207
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,661
It's pretty cool being friends
with the biggest man on campus.
208
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:58,734
Isn't that right, Annie's Boobs?
209
00:08:59,238 --> 00:09:00,466
Please rename that thing.
210
00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:02,698
And this time,
not with a contest on Twitter.
211
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:04,774
It's his Twitter account.
He can do what he wants.
212
00:09:04,977 --> 00:09:06,569
They are my body parts.
213
00:09:06,779 --> 00:09:09,373
Know what I don't appreciate?
I do not consent to this.
214
00:09:09,582 --> 00:09:12,346
You'll be begging for his company.
ANNIE: I own that.
215
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,680
I wouldn't threaten a monkey.
They have more lactic acid than us.
216
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:19,551
Shared my chicken with him.
Talk to the backpack.
217
00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:22,284
TROY: You're the worst, Annie.
PIERCE: Streets ahead.
218
00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:24,463
[###]
219
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,257
Now, where's he going?
220
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:32,963
Line starts behind you.
Oh, he's cool.
221
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,832
WOMAN:
Six fingers every Wednesday.
222
00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:38,704
ABED: Cool. And what can you offer?
WOMAN: I have a bicycle.
223
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:42,369
And I teach beginner's tennis.
ABED: Cool, okay.
224
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:46,348
Six fingers Wednesdays,
all right.
225
00:09:46,786 --> 00:09:47,980
We'll be in touch, Janel.
226
00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:50,553
Thank you, Abed.
You're welcome.
227
00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:52,920
Hey, Jeff.
Hey, buddy.
228
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:57,062
It's quite a setup you got here.
Yeah, I'm pretty excited about it.
229
00:09:57,263 --> 00:10:00,164
It turns out everyone has needs
and everyone has functions.
230
00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:02,531
Look, I've been thinking.
231
00:10:02,735 --> 00:10:06,831
Maybe I need to hit the big red button
and bring an end to this operation.
232
00:10:07,039 --> 00:10:10,270
I mean, it's been fun,
but it's out of control now.
233
00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:11,909
Am I right?
I don't know.
234
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:13,806
The entire campus
is controlled by our group.
235
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:17,779
Our group is controlled by chicken,
and the chicken is controlled by me.
236
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,941
Float?
I'm good.
237
00:10:20,152 --> 00:10:24,145
Abed, the mafia movie is over.
I'm not doing a mafia movie.
238
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:27,758
In fact, I don't need to use movies or
TV shows to talk to people anymore.
239
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,622
Before I only needed them because the
day-to-day world made no sense to me.
240
00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:33,355
But now, everyone's speaking
the same language, chicken.
241
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:35,500
I understand people
and they finally understand me.
242
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:38,329
Abed, eventually people
are gonna get tired of chicken.
243
00:10:38,537 --> 00:10:39,629
I'm tired of chicken.
244
00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:43,002
You're not tired of chicken.
You miss the taste of control.
245
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:45,274
Well, that's crazy.
246
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:48,137
Is it?
247
00:10:51,751 --> 00:10:53,548
Unfortunately, the very thing
that drove you to this dorm room
248
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:55,880
is what would prevent you
from properly running this machine.
249
00:10:56,088 --> 00:10:57,885
Or even being a cog in it, your ego.
250
00:10:58,557 --> 00:10:59,854
[SCOFFS]
251
00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:05,289
I see. I see, this has been
about me the whole time.
252
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,466
[###]
253
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,999
You want a shot
at the Jeff Winger throne?
254
00:11:10,202 --> 00:11:11,669
You better bring a powerful ass.
255
00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:15,368
Oh, and for your information,
I don't have an ego.
256
00:11:15,574 --> 00:11:18,304
My Facebook photo
is a landscape.
257
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:24,877
You're the best, Eduardo.
258
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:27,812
Thank you all for coming.
259
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:31,080
Can we make this quick?
I need to give a banana to Annie's Boobs.
260
00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:32,848
Abed is drunk with chicken power.
261
00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:35,857
He's gone from lovable Johnny Five
to evil HAL.
262
00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:37,529
Hal Holb...
Not Hal Holbrook.
263
00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:40,995
What are you saying?
You all have to stop working for him.
264
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,465
Let this operation dry up
and let his wheels spin down.
265
00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:47,605
At which point you would
be in charge again, right?
266
00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:49,502
What?
BRITTA: This is so sad.
267
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,041
You're jealous of Abed
because he's providing for us.
268
00:11:53,245 --> 00:11:56,009
No, I'm concerned about Abed
because he won't listen to reason.
269
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:57,512
Won't listen to your reason.
270
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:00,410
Why should he?
Jeff's so not...
271
00:12:00,619 --> 00:12:02,348
Say, "Streets ahead," and die.
272
00:12:03,589 --> 00:12:04,954
Streets ahead.
273
00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:06,717
You wanna boss me around?
274
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:09,156
Get me an entourage.
Get Troy a monkey.
275
00:12:09,361 --> 00:12:11,352
That's what a real boss does.
SHIRLEY: Yes.
276
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:14,089
We probably shouldn't even be talking
to him without checking with Abed.
277
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:17,201
I'm already trying him, he's not picking up.
What did you do with him?
278
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,372
I don't believe what greedy sellouts
you people turned out to be.
279
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:23,440
I'm not gonna stand and be ignored.
Shh. Voicemail.
280
00:12:23,642 --> 00:12:26,406
Hey, Abed, Jeff says you're
not listening to him.
281
00:12:26,612 --> 00:12:28,842
Does that mean we shouldn't
listen to him either?
282
00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:32,040
Oh, also, should we make special
jackets for our crime family?
283
00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:34,583
Like blazers with
chicken finger patches.
284
00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:36,414
I don't know, long
message, I'm sorry.
285
00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:37,611
That's it.
286
00:12:37,823 --> 00:12:39,120
ANNIE: Oh!
SHIRLEY: Abed.
287
00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:40,622
[CHEERING]
288
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:42,491
Look, I'm walking out
this door right now.
289
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,094
Okay.
Okay, bye.
290
00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:45,627
For real.
Good.
291
00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:47,765
I'm not gonna look back.
Mm-hm.
292
00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:49,662
Goodbye.
SHIRLEY & BRITTA: Goodbye.
293
00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:52,269
BRITTA: Abed.
SHIRLEY: Hi, hi, yeah.
294
00:12:52,471 --> 00:12:54,063
ABED: Anybody need anything?
BRITTA: Oh, everything,
295
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:55,262
you look handsome.
296
00:12:55,474 --> 00:12:57,965
I like everything about you now.
ANNIE: You get the message?
297
00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:00,771
BRITTA:
I want a new hairdresser though.
298
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,414
PIERCE:
Hey. Oh.
299
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,587
[LAUGHING]
300
00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:10,956
[###]
301
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:15,486
BRITTA: How's my hair look?
ANNIE: Oh. I like this.
302
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,960
Yeah, I got you fired.
303
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:28,038
You deserved it.
Maybe, maybe not.
304
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:32,142
The question is,
what do they deserve?
305
00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:39,106
Key to the kitchen.
306
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:43,721
There's a valve on the back of the
chicken fryer that's not made anymore.
307
00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:47,154
Now, say someone were
to remove it.
308
00:13:47,359 --> 00:13:48,986
The fryer wouldn't work.
309
00:13:51,797 --> 00:13:53,822
Forever.
How petty do you think I am?
310
00:13:59,705 --> 00:14:02,230
ABED: Jeff leaving the family
didn't turn out to be a problem.
311
00:14:02,441 --> 00:14:04,841
ANNIE: Okay, I think
we're set for the quiz.
312
00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:06,511
TROY: Yep.
See you guys in class.
313
00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:07,838
Oh, wait, before you go.
314
00:14:08,247 --> 00:14:09,805
Oh, free notebooks.
315
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:13,479
ABED: But the family's success
started to go to their heads.
316
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,154
They didn't have college ruled?
No, sorry.
317
00:14:16,722 --> 00:14:18,155
It's okay.
318
00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:24,560
Abed?
Yeah?
319
00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:26,754
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Sure.
320
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:28,661
We have a situation.
321
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,267
ABED: Hey.
Who is this?
322
00:14:30,469 --> 00:14:31,458
It's Travis.
323
00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:33,570
You said you wanted someone in
your entourage named Travis.
324
00:14:33,772 --> 00:14:35,535
Show him your license.
325
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:38,375
Travis is his middle name.
326
00:14:38,577 --> 00:14:41,045
I go by Travis.
No, you go by the door.
327
00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:44,277
See you, Travis.
328
00:14:47,586 --> 00:14:48,746
TROY: Abed?
Yep?
329
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:50,854
No, no, no.
330
00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:53,115
My monkey hates this caviar.
331
00:14:56,795 --> 00:14:57,921
ABED:
Troy, isn't that...?
332
00:14:58,130 --> 00:15:01,327
They were spoiled, fat, lazy.
333
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:04,661
I'd given them everything
and somehow I'd lost their respect.
334
00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:06,701
So I did the only thing
I could think of.
335
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,897
I did what I thought Jeff would do.
336
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:10,939
I sent them a message.
337
00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:13,111
[DEREK & THE DOMINOES'
"LAYLA (PIANO EXIT)" PLAYS]
338
00:15:22,821 --> 00:15:25,119
MAN:
Somebody's backpack.
339
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:46,608
[GASPS]
340
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,062
These were the bad times.
341
00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:13,934
SHIRLEY: There he is.
ANNIE: Jeff, Jeff.
342
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,128
TROY: Jeff.
SHIRLEY: Jeff.
343
00:16:15,341 --> 00:16:17,468
Jeff, Abed killed my backpack.
344
00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:19,200
I caught him stuffing
my man full of chicken.
345
00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:21,709
And Tyler Perry has a series
of movies about why that's wrong.
346
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,939
That little Arab is off his rocker.
347
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:27,778
He released Annie's Boobs.
Annie's Boobs could be anywhere. Could be...
348
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,353
We got it.
The monkey's name is Annie's Boobs.
349
00:16:30,556 --> 00:16:32,524
Look what Abed did to my hair.
350
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:35,159
I feel terrible for all of you.
351
00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:38,023
Wait, no, I don't, because
I warned you about all this.
352
00:16:38,230 --> 00:16:40,698
You were so high on your
backpacks and hairstyles,
353
00:16:40,899 --> 00:16:42,799
you accused me of being jealous.
354
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,560
You were right.
But what can we do?
355
00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:47,534
I'm sorry, you brushed over
that first part.
356
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,071
Together.
357
00:16:49,274 --> 00:16:52,141
You were right.
358
00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:55,006
Now, what you can do is go home and
write that on your bathroom mirror.
359
00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:57,375
Wouldn't that make it seem
like I was right?
360
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,414
Yeah.
I don't have a mirror.
361
00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:01,415
It's not reversed
because you're the...
362
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:04,680
You'd have the mirror behind you.
And I would like...
363
00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:07,083
[###]
364
00:17:07,292 --> 00:17:11,319
As for Abed, for his sake
I guess I'll have to take him out.
365
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:16,295
Poor little guy.
Oh, good, that's nice.
366
00:17:24,109 --> 00:17:26,077
[OIL SIZZLING]
367
00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:35,586
Abed.
368
00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:40,353
What are you doing?
Making Tater Tots.
369
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:43,289
You were right, people got sick
of chicken, but I was close.
370
00:17:43,495 --> 00:17:44,962
I just need a new food,
a new system.
371
00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:47,359
I'm gonna experiment with jalapeño
poppers next, and then Zucchini Zircles.
372
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:49,534
I don't get it.
It's not that complicated, Jeff.
373
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,430
They replaced the C in circle
with a Z for zucchini.
374
00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:53,901
No, no, I mean, why are you here?
375
00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:56,040
You said you were close?
376
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:00,575
What were you close to?
377
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:02,907
[###]
378
00:18:03,115 --> 00:18:04,275
To the group?
379
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,381
To people?
Don't do a special episode about me.
380
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:09,747
Oh. I wouldn't dream of it.
381
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:14,350
Everyone else needs my help.
382
00:18:14,726 --> 00:18:18,457
That's what people don't get,
is that they need to get me.
383
00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:23,858
I just need to be able to connect to people like
you can, and then I can make everyone happy.
384
00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:31,839
Do you know why I'm here?
You got caught with a fake degree.
385
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,342
By the way, they started using
that on Law & Order.
386
00:18:34,546 --> 00:18:36,104
Total rip off.
387
00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:38,783
I'm here to dismantle the fryer.
388
00:18:39,351 --> 00:18:41,945
To cut your power off at its source.
389
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:44,784
Don't you see what happened?
390
00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:47,720
I manipulated the group
into getting you the fry cook job
391
00:18:47,926 --> 00:18:49,985
so I could have some chicken.
392
00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:53,528
And you turned it all into a way
to make everyone like you.
393
00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:58,195
Made me ashamed of myself,
made me jealous.
394
00:18:58,403 --> 00:18:59,995
Maybe this is a special episode.
395
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:02,571
It's pretty alarming behavior, Jeff.
Yeah.
396
00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:05,709
There's specialists you could talk to.
Maybe I should do that.
397
00:19:07,045 --> 00:19:09,377
In the meantime,
let's make a deal.
398
00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:13,842
I'll help you connect with people, and
you help me do a better job with them.
399
00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:15,610
Like Knight Rider.
Exactly.
400
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:17,982
Like Knight Rider.
Deal.
401
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,955
I'll put on a leather jacket and make
out with an aerobics instructor.
402
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:25,290
You pull around front and comedically startle
passers-by with your ability to talk.
403
00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:27,863
Maybe we should just stay here
and have a plate of chicken fingers.
404
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,732
Cool.
405
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,364
Can we eat them while sitting on a
table like in Sixteen Candles?
406
00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:33,902
Pick one reference, Abed.
407
00:19:34,373 --> 00:19:35,635
Sixteen Candles.
408
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:36,830
[###]
409
00:19:37,042 --> 00:19:38,600
ABED: And just like that,
the mafia movie was over.
410
00:19:38,810 --> 00:19:41,005
I quit the fry cook job,
somewhat for the sake of the family,
411
00:19:41,213 --> 00:19:45,081
but mostly for the sake of Jeff's ego,
poor guy.
412
00:19:46,985 --> 00:19:48,247
Things went back to normal.
413
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:50,478
Everyone's back to being
a bunch of regular schnooks.
414
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,554
And I'm back to being a weirdo.
415
00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:56,387
Back to watching
from the outside for now.
416
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:59,159
There's still not enough
chicken fingers.
417
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:01,525
No way, no seriously.
What?
418
00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:05,430
As soon as our family moved out, a new
syndicate moved in to take its place.
419
00:20:05,637 --> 00:20:08,299
But you know what they'll never
make a replacement for?
420
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:10,040
[IMITATES CIGAR HISSING]
421
00:20:10,242 --> 00:20:11,766
Friends.
422
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:15,141
Okay, thank you.
That's great, Abed.
423
00:20:15,347 --> 00:20:17,577
But could you
just answer the question?
424
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:19,045
What was it?
425
00:20:19,251 --> 00:20:22,243
Do you know who might have stolen
a box of hairnets from the kitchen?
426
00:20:22,821 --> 00:20:26,518
Someone with hair.
I'm gonna write that down.
427
00:20:27,192 --> 00:20:28,250
[###]
428
00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:31,623
TROY:
Ready?
429
00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:35,524
Oh, that's nice.
Never been done.
430
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:38,294
ABED: Here I come.
JEFF: Back up the same staircase.
431
00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:40,937
It's good.
TROY: Double escalator.
432
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:46,272
Wow. I haven't seen that before.
How did you think of that?
433
00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:49,712
And now for our signature trick.
TROY: Awesome elevator.
434
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:50,904
No.
I can't do it.
435
00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:52,879
I got babies.
I gotta get home.
436
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,552
It's their loss.
Yeah.
437
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:01,259
[ZIPPER UNZIPS
AND TROY GRUNTS]
438
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:08,197
That was awesome.
Yeah.