1
00:00:07,036 --> 00:00:08,137
Good mood, bad rhyme,
2
00:00:08,705 --> 00:00:10,872
And is that a carb
on your plate?
3
00:00:10,940 --> 00:00:12,841
I got a "b"
on my nutrition final,
4
00:00:12,909 --> 00:00:16,072
And I am celebrating with pie
and a dollop of whipped irony.
5
00:00:16,140 --> 00:00:18,962
Nice. I'm knitting something
for my new cat.
6
00:00:19,030 --> 00:00:20,854
It's been two weeks
since I lost Suzie b.,
7
00:00:20,922 --> 00:00:22,386
So I figured it was time
to move on.
8
00:00:22,454 --> 00:00:24,951
Not being an animal lover,
I assume it'll be nice
9
00:00:25,018 --> 00:00:26,417
To start over
with a fresh kitten.
10
00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:28,615
Fresh kitten?
I go to a shelter
11
00:00:28,683 --> 00:00:31,782
And rescue an animal
that genuinely needs my help.
12
00:00:31,850 --> 00:00:33,583
Okay?
13
00:00:33,651 --> 00:00:35,992
Why do you think I am knitting
a tiny, little eye patch?
14
00:00:36,060 --> 00:00:38,094
Excuse me. Hi.
15
00:00:38,162 --> 00:00:39,564
We're in High School,
16
00:00:39,632 --> 00:00:41,165
But we're here taking some
classes for college credit.
17
00:00:41,233 --> 00:00:43,272
- Well, all right.
Way to be go-getters.
18
00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:44,609
Thanks.
19
00:00:44,677 --> 00:00:46,514
So we were--
we were just wondering...
20
00:00:46,581 --> 00:00:48,283
Can you tell us exactly
what you did
21
00:00:48,351 --> 00:00:49,486
In your lives to end up here
22
00:00:49,553 --> 00:00:52,122
So that we don't make
the same mistakes?
23
00:00:53,324 --> 00:00:55,025
Because if I end up 35
24
00:00:55,093 --> 00:00:57,162
And celebrating a "b"
25
00:00:57,229 --> 00:00:59,730
In nutrition
in community college,
26
00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:01,198
I'll kill myself.
27
00:01:01,265 --> 00:01:04,433
- Watch it.
- Yeah, watch it.
28
00:01:04,501 --> 00:01:06,167
Or what, Schmitty?
29
00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:08,435
Schmitty!
30
00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:10,269
You gonna knit me something sad
31
00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:11,671
In your house full of cats
with no furniture?
32
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:14,107
Listen,
it is a studio apartment,
33
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,743
And knitting is hip.
34
00:01:15,810 --> 00:01:18,045
Winona Ryder knits.
35
00:01:18,113 --> 00:01:20,383
Who?
36
00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:22,218
Schmitty!
Schmitty.
37
00:01:22,285 --> 00:01:24,019
- Schmits!
- Schmitty.
38
00:01:25,756 --> 00:01:27,224
I have done things
with my life.
39
00:01:27,292 --> 00:01:28,292
Awesome things.
40
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:29,994
I've been to 14 countries.
41
00:01:30,062 --> 00:01:32,497
I helped build a school
in Kenya.
44
00:01:36,803 --> 00:01:39,106
I don't even remember
what they said.
45
00:01:39,174 --> 00:01:40,141
It just rolled off my back--
46
00:01:40,208 --> 00:01:42,477
Would you stop tuning
that guitar?
47
00:01:42,545 --> 00:01:44,547
You are 105 years old!
48
00:01:44,615 --> 00:01:47,518
Tell me exactly what you did
with your life to end up here
49
00:01:47,585 --> 00:01:49,320
So I don't make
the same mistakes!
50
00:01:51,224 --> 00:01:53,960
Excuse me!
51
00:01:54,028 --> 00:01:55,729
But it's springtime,
and I thought
52
00:01:55,797 --> 00:01:57,164
I might woo a few chicks.
53
00:01:59,268 --> 00:02:00,568
♪ no one to watch
while we're kissing ♪
54
00:02:00,636 --> 00:02:02,471
♪ ♪
55
00:02:02,538 --> 00:02:07,043
♪ no one to see
while we spoon ♪
56
00:02:07,111 --> 00:02:11,248
♪ let's take a trip
in my airship ♪
57
00:02:11,316 --> 00:02:13,552
♪ and we'll visit
the man in the moon ♪
58
00:02:13,620 --> 00:02:15,354
Hey, hey, hey.
59
00:02:15,422 --> 00:02:16,689
What the--
hey!
60
00:02:16,757 --> 00:02:17,991
Hey!
What?
61
00:02:22,296 --> 00:02:23,864
What the hell?
62
00:02:23,932 --> 00:02:26,901
Sorry.
63
00:02:26,968 --> 00:02:27,969
Animal house.
64
00:02:28,037 --> 00:02:29,771
A reference my ears applaud.
65
00:02:29,839 --> 00:02:30,872
I couldn't resist.
66
00:02:30,940 --> 00:02:31,973
Smashing the guitar of someone
67
00:02:32,041 --> 00:02:33,242
Singing a cloying love song
68
00:02:33,310 --> 00:02:34,811
Was on my quintessential
college experience list.
69
00:02:34,878 --> 00:02:36,479
- Your what?
- It's a list of everything
70
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:37,681
That movies have taught me
71
00:02:37,748 --> 00:02:39,416
Comprises a successful
first year at college.
72
00:02:39,484 --> 00:02:41,319
Bond with a group
of loveable misfits.
73
00:02:41,387 --> 00:02:43,554
- Check.
- Take on the school bully.
74
00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:45,156
- Check.
- Make out with the hottest girl
75
00:02:45,224 --> 00:02:46,724
On campus.
- Check-a-rooni.
76
00:02:49,395 --> 00:02:51,062
Unfortunately,
the school year's almost over,
77
00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:52,497
And there's a bunch of stuff
left on the list.
78
00:02:52,565 --> 00:02:53,598
Well, I'll help you finish it.
79
00:02:53,666 --> 00:02:54,766
I'll be
like your Morgan Freeman.
80
00:02:54,834 --> 00:02:56,101
Like in the bucket list.
81
00:02:56,169 --> 00:02:57,102
The what?
82
00:02:57,170 --> 00:02:58,703
Stand up for a second.
83
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,807
Uh, over here.
84
00:03:02,875 --> 00:03:05,343
Stand there.
Okay, turn around.
85
00:03:09,681 --> 00:03:11,615
What the hell?
86
00:03:11,683 --> 00:03:12,984
Pantsing someone
was on my list.
87
00:03:13,051 --> 00:03:14,453
It would have been better
if you were wearing
88
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,455
The standard giant hearts
on underwear, but I'll take it.
89
00:03:16,522 --> 00:03:17,523
Oh, yeah?
90
00:03:17,590 --> 00:03:19,091
Well, I hope getting pantsed
91
00:03:19,159 --> 00:03:20,393
Is on your list.
92
00:03:20,460 --> 00:03:22,128
Ha-ha!
93
00:03:22,196 --> 00:03:24,197
It is.
94
00:03:26,868 --> 00:03:29,937
What's so funny?
95
00:03:30,004 --> 00:03:31,371
This!
96
00:03:35,409 --> 00:03:37,010
Oh! Um.
97
00:03:41,449 --> 00:03:42,382
Get it?
98
00:03:44,218 --> 00:03:54,954
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
99
00:03:57,065 --> 00:03:58,365
- Finally.
- No.
100
00:03:58,433 --> 00:04:01,736
Pierce, Shirley is way too angry
to talk to you right now.
101
00:04:01,803 --> 00:04:04,105
Yeah, you'll have
to apologize later.
102
00:04:04,173 --> 00:04:05,239
Apologize?
For what?
103
00:04:05,307 --> 00:04:06,874
She--she should apologize
to me.
104
00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:09,210
She ruined my joke.
105
00:04:13,149 --> 00:04:15,384
Oh, my God.
106
00:04:15,452 --> 00:04:17,487
There's
a grandpa schlip-schlap.
107
00:04:17,554 --> 00:04:19,756
"Have you seen
my Schmitty, Sonny?"
108
00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:22,559
"Help me.
I'm gonna crap my pants."
109
00:04:22,627 --> 00:04:23,594
- "Someone help me."
- Oh!
110
00:04:23,662 --> 00:04:25,029
Seriously, nutrition,
111
00:04:25,097 --> 00:04:26,731
This is your life?
112
00:04:26,798 --> 00:04:28,700
Actually, I was a lawyer.
113
00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:30,168
Looks like that went well.
114
00:04:30,236 --> 00:04:31,369
And now you hang out
115
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:33,505
With schlip-schlap
and schlap-skank.
116
00:04:33,572 --> 00:04:37,042
Oh, my God,
is she wearing a discman?
117
00:04:38,978 --> 00:04:41,012
How could you do this to me?
118
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:43,882
What? Discmans are retro.
119
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,717
Oh, is retro when you're 30
120
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:49,754
And broke and can't afford
an iPod, Schmitty?
121
00:04:49,822 --> 00:04:53,124
- Oh, bug-a-bah.
122
00:04:53,192 --> 00:04:55,793
I think Schmitty means loser.
123
00:04:55,861 --> 00:04:57,228
We know!
124
00:04:57,296 --> 00:04:58,630
You may come back in now.
125
00:04:58,697 --> 00:05:00,298
I have something to say.
126
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:03,602
This better be a good apology.
127
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:05,037
This has been
a long time coming,
128
00:05:05,104 --> 00:05:06,972
And we have all joked around
and rolled our eyes at him,
129
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,874
But there has been
a transgression today,
130
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:10,509
And I will no longer continue
131
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:12,378
To be a part of the group
with this man.
132
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:14,113
Just skip
to the "I'm sorry."
133
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:16,749
You are pathological,
and you will never change.
134
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:19,652
Huh. That is the pot
calling the kettle...
135
00:05:19,719 --> 00:05:21,621
A kettle, okay.
136
00:05:21,688 --> 00:05:23,389
Oh, you can say black, Pierce.
137
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,658
I'm a black woman.
The cat is out the bag.
138
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:27,126
You have
literally identified me
139
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:29,195
To strangers
as "the black woman."
140
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:30,262
Out of context.
141
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,398
Context is everything.
142
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:34,633
I call the other women
"flat-butt"
143
00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:36,335
And "the one
abed wants to nail."
144
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,739
So what's the context
145
00:05:40,806 --> 00:05:42,974
For constantly referring
to me as a lesbian?
146
00:05:43,042 --> 00:05:45,209
If the wallet chain fits.
147
00:05:45,277 --> 00:05:46,910
I'm just trying
to help you find yourself.
148
00:05:46,978 --> 00:05:49,846
At least he doesn't think
that Shirley's my mom anymore.
149
00:05:49,914 --> 00:05:50,980
He thinks that we're cousins.
150
00:05:51,048 --> 00:05:52,181
You're not?
151
00:05:52,249 --> 00:05:53,449
He still assumes
I'm a terrorist.
152
00:05:53,517 --> 00:05:54,850
If you're not, I'm sorry.
153
00:05:54,918 --> 00:05:56,352
And if you are, I'm a hero.
154
00:05:56,420 --> 00:05:58,187
I'm willing
to take that chance.
155
00:05:58,255 --> 00:06:00,256
You said
I have a crafty, Jew brain.
156
00:06:00,325 --> 00:06:02,025
Nobody knows how to take
a compliment anymore.
157
00:06:02,093 --> 00:06:04,193
Look,
either he leaves the group,
158
00:06:04,261 --> 00:06:05,328
Or I do.
159
00:06:07,498 --> 00:06:11,334
You just dug your own grave.
160
00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:25,882
Hey.
What's up?
161
00:06:25,949 --> 00:06:27,616
They kicked me
out of the group.
162
00:06:27,684 --> 00:06:29,718
Damn.
Want to buy some cookies?
163
00:06:29,786 --> 00:06:33,522
Ten bucks a box.
164
00:06:34,857 --> 00:06:36,625
Have you seen a Chinese kid?
165
00:06:42,431 --> 00:06:43,932
Twerps.
166
00:06:48,465 --> 00:06:51,401
Oh, hey, Pierce.
How's it going?
167
00:06:51,469 --> 00:06:53,937
- Unrepentant child.
- Such a child.
168
00:06:54,005 --> 00:06:56,373
Ooh, here comes
stinky turd face.
169
00:06:56,441 --> 00:06:58,375
Remember, we don't stop
till he's crying.
170
00:06:58,443 --> 00:07:00,410
- Oh, check out franken-mom.
171
00:07:00,478 --> 00:07:02,579
Ooh, use that.
No wedding ring.
172
00:07:02,647 --> 00:07:03,914
He's a child of divorce.
173
00:07:03,982 --> 00:07:07,417
We can make fun of him
for coming from a broken home.
174
00:07:07,485 --> 00:07:09,118
I don't care
if this gets dirty.
175
00:07:09,186 --> 00:07:10,753
He asked for it.
176
00:07:10,821 --> 00:07:11,888
You're right.
177
00:07:11,955 --> 00:07:14,323
Get ready to meet
Jeff Winger, esquire,
178
00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:17,359
Attorney at "ah, snap."
179
00:07:17,427 --> 00:07:19,060
It'll be better than that.
180
00:07:19,128 --> 00:07:21,797
Hey, clearasil,
181
00:07:21,864 --> 00:07:23,498
What time
your mommy's picking you up?
182
00:07:23,566 --> 00:07:24,900
After she's done shooting
183
00:07:24,968 --> 00:07:27,602
The real housewives
of Greendale county?
184
00:07:27,670 --> 00:07:28,904
"after she's done shooting
185
00:07:28,972 --> 00:07:30,873
The real housewives
of Greendale county."
186
00:07:30,940 --> 00:07:32,307
Duh!
187
00:07:32,375 --> 00:07:34,043
That's a clever retort.
188
00:07:34,110 --> 00:07:35,711
"that's a clever retort."
duh.
189
00:07:35,779 --> 00:07:38,114
- Brilliant.
- "Brilliant." duh.
190
00:07:38,182 --> 00:07:39,548
Your parents are divorced.
191
00:07:39,616 --> 00:07:42,018
Oh, "your parents
are divorced."
192
00:07:42,085 --> 00:07:43,119
Duh!
193
00:07:43,186 --> 00:07:45,554
Duh!
194
00:07:45,622 --> 00:07:47,123
Schmitty.
195
00:07:47,190 --> 00:07:48,124
Forget it.
Come on.
196
00:07:48,191 --> 00:07:50,126
Come on.
Forget that...
197
00:07:50,193 --> 00:07:51,894
- Duh!
- Where you going, Schmitty?
198
00:07:51,962 --> 00:07:54,596
- Duh!
- I'm sorry, little Schmitty.
199
00:07:54,664 --> 00:07:57,599
- Mimicry is the lowest form--
- Stop talking.
200
00:07:58,834 --> 00:08:00,001
Stop talking.
Duh!
201
00:08:03,472 --> 00:08:05,773
Hey, you two.
202
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:07,007
What is that?
203
00:08:07,075 --> 00:08:08,576
Billy.
City college's mascot.
204
00:08:08,644 --> 00:08:11,012
Stealing a rival school's
mascot was part of Abed's list.
205
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,614
- Check.
- Bringing a goat
206
00:08:12,682 --> 00:08:14,749
To our study group--
that's a great idea, Troy.
207
00:08:14,817 --> 00:08:17,185
Thanks. Must have been hard
for you to say that.
208
00:08:17,252 --> 00:08:19,054
It's called sarcasm, Troy.
209
00:08:19,121 --> 00:08:21,056
Ask the goat
to explain it to you.
210
00:08:23,092 --> 00:08:24,492
Why do I feel
like I'm being dissed?
211
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,127
Because you are being dissed.
212
00:08:26,195 --> 00:08:27,495
Why are you two dissing Troy?
213
00:08:27,563 --> 00:08:28,797
Because they no longer
have Pierce.
214
00:08:28,864 --> 00:08:30,632
What?
215
00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:32,367
Pierce's universally
recognized social flaws
216
00:08:32,435 --> 00:08:34,369
Made him the scapegoat,
a lightning rod.
217
00:08:34,437 --> 00:08:36,137
Now he's gone,
so there's lightning everywhere.
218
00:08:36,205 --> 00:08:37,372
That sounds dangerous.
219
00:08:37,439 --> 00:08:38,740
My Uncle was struck
by lightning.
220
00:08:38,807 --> 00:08:40,208
You think it'd give you
superpowers,
221
00:08:40,276 --> 00:08:42,144
But now he just masturbates
in theaters.
222
00:08:42,211 --> 00:08:43,212
It's very dangerous.
223
00:08:43,279 --> 00:08:44,580
We've lost our Cliff Clavin.
224
00:08:44,648 --> 00:08:46,982
Our George Costanza.
Our turtle.
225
00:08:47,050 --> 00:08:49,218
Or Johnny drama.
Or e.
226
00:08:49,285 --> 00:08:51,888
Man, that show is sloppy.
So what's gonna happen?
227
00:08:51,955 --> 00:08:53,222
It's only a matter of time
before one of us
228
00:08:53,290 --> 00:08:54,958
Takes Pierce's place.
229
00:08:55,026 --> 00:08:58,562
Well, I sure as hell
am not gonna be the new Pierce.
230
00:08:58,630 --> 00:09:03,667
And if all we need
is an escape-goat,
231
00:09:03,735 --> 00:09:05,669
I think we should just let
this one go.
232
00:09:05,737 --> 00:09:07,704
Sometimes you've got
to be pretending, Troy.
233
00:09:07,772 --> 00:09:09,072
Maybe the new Pierce is Britta.
234
00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:10,473
Yeah, right.
235
00:09:10,541 --> 00:09:11,807
How do you pronounce bagel
again?
236
00:09:11,875 --> 00:09:14,910
- Bah-gel.
- She calls bagels bah-gels.
237
00:09:14,978 --> 00:09:17,245
We do make fun of a lot
of what you do and say.
238
00:09:17,313 --> 00:09:19,147
Yeah.
Right to my face,
239
00:09:19,214 --> 00:09:21,916
'cause I can take it,
unlike a certain someone else.
240
00:09:26,122 --> 00:09:27,890
Come on, everybody,
let's not make fun of Annie.
241
00:09:27,957 --> 00:09:30,059
No, no,
I don't want anybody's pity.
242
00:09:30,127 --> 00:09:31,494
You know, come to think of it,
after Pierce,
243
00:09:31,562 --> 00:09:32,862
You're the most bigoted.
What?
244
00:09:32,930 --> 00:09:33,930
Mm.
245
00:09:33,998 --> 00:09:34,931
When you found out
I was Jewish,
246
00:09:34,999 --> 00:09:36,199
You invited me to a pool party
247
00:09:36,267 --> 00:09:37,567
That turned out
to be a baptism.
248
00:09:37,635 --> 00:09:39,603
Well, excuse me for trying
to sneak you into heaven.
249
00:09:39,671 --> 00:09:41,772
Ooh, what about abed?
Abed's weird.
250
00:09:43,941 --> 00:09:45,108
No, it's not abed.
251
00:09:45,176 --> 00:09:46,710
He's all right.
We like abed.
252
00:09:46,778 --> 00:09:48,345
Guys, have you considered
253
00:09:48,413 --> 00:09:50,914
The new Pierce concept
is stupid?
254
00:09:50,982 --> 00:09:53,583
Spoken like the new Pierce.
255
00:09:53,651 --> 00:09:56,019
- You're right.
- I am not the new Pierce.
256
00:09:56,087 --> 00:09:58,255
You said the world wide Web.
257
00:09:58,322 --> 00:10:00,390
Damn the old Pierce.
Oh, he makes me so mad.
258
00:10:00,457 --> 00:10:02,058
- You're Pierce's cousin.
- Don't double Pierce me.
259
00:10:02,126 --> 00:10:03,192
And you're the triple Pierce.
260
00:10:03,260 --> 00:10:05,060
- That's so unfair.
- Guys, guys.
261
00:10:05,128 --> 00:10:07,430
I can't believe
I'm gonna utter these words,
262
00:10:07,497 --> 00:10:10,397
But we need Pierce
in this group.
263
00:10:10,465 --> 00:10:12,367
But we can't ask Shirley
to let him back in.
264
00:10:12,435 --> 00:10:14,569
That would be so insensitive.
265
00:10:14,637 --> 00:10:16,371
Well, maybe he'll admit
he's wrong...
266
00:10:16,438 --> 00:10:20,608
Two, three, four.
Uh, not!
267
00:10:24,180 --> 00:10:26,048
We need Pierce.
268
00:10:26,116 --> 00:10:28,718
Just stick to the script
and make it sincere.
269
00:10:28,785 --> 00:10:29,852
It's not gonna be sincere
270
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,388
Because I'm pretending
to apologize.
271
00:10:31,455 --> 00:10:32,656
Okay, but you're not getting
back in the group
272
00:10:32,723 --> 00:10:33,957
Unless she thinks
you're sincere.
273
00:10:34,025 --> 00:10:35,725
Stubborn fool.
274
00:10:35,793 --> 00:10:37,627
Can we hurry this up?
275
00:10:37,695 --> 00:10:39,329
Troy and I are pledging
the cool fraternity,
276
00:10:39,397 --> 00:10:41,164
And unbeknownst to us, we're
actually the target of ridicule
277
00:10:41,232 --> 00:10:42,665
And don't have a chance in hell
of getting in.
278
00:10:42,733 --> 00:10:43,867
Yeah.
They're making us walk around
279
00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,401
With pretzels in our butts.
280
00:10:45,469 --> 00:10:47,403
I put mustard on mine
like an idiot.
281
00:10:47,471 --> 00:10:50,573
Okay, Pierce, you can do this.
282
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,642
Oh, boy.
283
00:11:01,150 --> 00:11:02,918
What's he...
284
00:11:08,224 --> 00:11:10,025
Yup.
285
00:11:10,093 --> 00:11:11,293
Shirley, I know
you don't want to hear
286
00:11:11,361 --> 00:11:13,362
What I have to say,
287
00:11:13,431 --> 00:11:14,698
But I owe you this.
288
00:11:14,765 --> 00:11:16,199
From the moment we first met,
289
00:11:16,267 --> 00:11:18,269
I knew you were gonna be--
- Seriously!
290
00:11:20,606 --> 00:11:24,175
Oh, Shirley!
291
00:11:24,243 --> 00:11:26,277
You are unbelievable!
292
00:11:26,345 --> 00:11:28,079
I'm not wearing my contacts.
These are mine.
293
00:11:28,147 --> 00:11:29,914
Give them to me.
Oh, but I'm a bag guy.
294
00:11:29,982 --> 00:11:31,883
You even have the same bag,
so I thought, you know...
295
00:11:31,951 --> 00:11:33,684
That's right, 'cause nothing
is ever your fault.
296
00:11:33,752 --> 00:11:34,752
You know what, screw you.
297
00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:35,787
I don't even owe you
an apology.
298
00:11:35,854 --> 00:11:37,422
They wrote this.
299
00:11:40,093 --> 00:11:41,760
Just pretend like you asleep.
300
00:11:41,828 --> 00:11:42,995
Just pretend like you asleep.
301
00:11:43,063 --> 00:11:44,697
Thank you!
302
00:11:44,765 --> 00:11:45,898
Now I fully understand
303
00:11:45,966 --> 00:11:47,834
Where I have always stood.
304
00:11:47,902 --> 00:11:49,169
I'm entitled to my pride
305
00:11:49,236 --> 00:11:50,904
Until it gets in the way
of what you guys want.
306
00:11:52,406 --> 00:11:53,773
Got nothing to say?
307
00:11:53,841 --> 00:11:55,108
Well, I do.
308
00:11:55,176 --> 00:11:56,543
I'm out of the group.
309
00:11:56,611 --> 00:11:58,679
- What--Shirley!
- Shirley!
310
00:11:58,747 --> 00:12:00,014
Oh, Shirley, don't go.
Please.
311
00:12:00,082 --> 00:12:03,785
- Uh-oh, sassy, black Schmitty's
out of the group.
312
00:12:03,853 --> 00:12:05,553
Oh, no.
Not the group.
313
00:12:05,621 --> 00:12:07,888
Poor, sad, little Schmitties.
314
00:12:07,956 --> 00:12:11,358
Can't all of us
little Schmitties get along?
315
00:12:11,426 --> 00:12:12,458
Show me!
Would you please hurry up?
316
00:12:12,526 --> 00:12:13,659
I am late for my bikini wax.
317
00:12:13,727 --> 00:12:14,927
Hurry, please.
Who was that?
318
00:12:14,995 --> 00:12:17,330
- A punk-ass who needs
to be destroyed.
319
00:12:17,397 --> 00:12:19,031
And I just figured out how.
320
00:12:19,099 --> 00:12:21,467
Um, can we focus
on what's important here?
321
00:12:21,535 --> 00:12:23,002
Shirley thinks
we don't care about her.
322
00:12:23,069 --> 00:12:25,070
No, no, you're right.
You're right.
323
00:12:25,138 --> 00:12:26,538
You're right.
That's totally more important.
324
00:12:26,606 --> 00:12:28,173
I just--I just thought
of one thing.
325
00:12:28,241 --> 00:12:29,741
You need to bang
that kid's mom.
326
00:12:29,809 --> 00:12:32,712
Um, after we fix everything
with Shirley.
327
00:12:32,779 --> 00:12:33,980
Whoa!
328
00:12:34,047 --> 00:12:35,515
Yes, yes, yes,
we'll deal with Shirley,
329
00:12:35,582 --> 00:12:36,782
But that's brilliant!
I know.
330
00:12:36,850 --> 00:12:38,717
Because then anything
that he says about you...
331
00:12:38,785 --> 00:12:40,685
He'll be saying to a dude
that banged his mom!
332
00:12:40,753 --> 00:12:42,187
Oh, my God, you guys.
333
00:12:42,255 --> 00:12:44,088
- Sorry. Shirley.
- Shirley.
334
00:12:44,156 --> 00:12:45,990
- Okay.
- Yes!
335
00:13:05,703 --> 00:13:06,937
All right, bye, everybody.
336
00:13:07,005 --> 00:13:08,705
Have a great day.
337
00:13:08,773 --> 00:13:09,907
Be right here
at 3:00, please.
338
00:13:09,975 --> 00:13:13,444
I'm in a hurry.
339
00:13:13,512 --> 00:13:16,480
Excuse me.
340
00:13:16,548 --> 00:13:17,582
Sorry to bother you.
341
00:13:17,649 --> 00:13:18,783
You don't happen to have
342
00:13:18,851 --> 00:13:20,418
An extra bottle of sports drink,
do you?
343
00:13:20,936 --> 00:13:22,303
Actually, I do.
344
00:13:22,370 --> 00:13:24,104
Here you go.
Oh, thanks.
345
00:13:24,172 --> 00:13:25,706
Gotta hydrate, right?
346
00:13:25,774 --> 00:13:27,908
But obviously you know.
You work out.
347
00:13:27,976 --> 00:13:30,477
Well, I try to keep things
where they should be.
348
00:13:30,545 --> 00:13:32,880
I think I might be
where should I be.
349
00:13:36,985 --> 00:13:39,152
I don't know
about your robot, abed.
350
00:13:39,220 --> 00:13:40,387
Boobatron's great.
351
00:13:40,454 --> 00:13:41,788
And once someone spills
bong water
352
00:13:41,856 --> 00:13:43,290
On his circuitry
and he comes alive,
353
00:13:43,358 --> 00:13:44,724
He's gonna make us
the coolest guys on campus
354
00:13:44,792 --> 00:13:45,826
And help us get babes.
355
00:13:45,894 --> 00:13:47,394
Those are real babes
356
00:13:47,462 --> 00:13:49,430
Who will really laugh at us.
357
00:13:49,498 --> 00:13:52,266
Hey.
You're my friend, right?
358
00:13:52,333 --> 00:13:53,600
Friends are supposed
to help each other,
359
00:13:53,668 --> 00:13:55,002
No matter what!
360
00:13:56,871 --> 00:13:58,505
Okay.
361
00:13:58,572 --> 00:14:00,908
Ridiculous situation descending
into heavy-handed drama
362
00:14:00,975 --> 00:14:02,376
For the illusion of story.
363
00:14:02,443 --> 00:14:05,078
Ch-ch-ch-ch.
Check.
364
00:14:05,146 --> 00:14:07,581
What?
That was awesome.
365
00:14:07,649 --> 00:14:08,983
All right, I am back in.
366
00:14:09,050 --> 00:14:10,384
Cool.
367
00:14:10,452 --> 00:14:12,419
All right, here we go.
368
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:18,891
Just so you know, I'm Shirley.
369
00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:20,192
Wouldn't want you
reaching for me
370
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:24,196
Should you get a hankering
for pancakes.
371
00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:26,665
I'm old, and I do not see well.
372
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:27,833
And you already won,
so shut it.
373
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,235
I won?
Oh, no.
374
00:14:29,303 --> 00:14:30,503
They want you in the group,
and I quit,
375
00:14:30,571 --> 00:14:31,638
So you go ahead
and hang with them.
376
00:14:31,706 --> 00:14:33,406
No, thanks.
377
00:14:33,474 --> 00:14:35,275
I'm sick of the way
that group treats me.
378
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,342
Preaching to the choir.
379
00:14:36,410 --> 00:14:38,610
- Tell you what
I'm not gonna miss--
380
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:40,212
Abed and Troy's
silly little games.
381
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,980
Grow up, already.
382
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,415
And by the way,
383
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:44,483
Thanks for including me.
384
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:45,617
Please, you think
Annie and Britta
385
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:46,718
Invite me when they take
386
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:47,987
Those little weekend trips
to the mall?
387
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,356
They just think of me
as some sort of mom.
388
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:51,723
They both need
to learn some manners,
389
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:53,359
And, you know what, Annie needs
to stop dating Vaughn.
390
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,960
He is cute,
but he is not the kind of boy
391
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,061
I envisioned her
ending up with.
392
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:57,562
No matter how hard you try,
393
00:14:57,630 --> 00:14:59,832
You can never be as cool
or funny as they are.
394
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:03,469
It's called respect,
and no one ever gave me diddly.
395
00:15:03,537 --> 00:15:05,805
Except me.
396
00:15:05,873 --> 00:15:07,974
I respect you more
than anyone else in the group.
397
00:15:08,042 --> 00:15:10,009
Which is why you pantsed me?
398
00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:13,647
Well, but, you see,
that wasn't wrong.
399
00:15:13,714 --> 00:15:14,848
Oh, for heaven's sakes,
400
00:15:14,916 --> 00:15:17,885
You are such a arrogant,
self-righteous ass.
401
00:15:17,952 --> 00:15:19,587
And you are a strong,
dignified woman
402
00:15:19,654 --> 00:15:21,522
Who's raising a family,
a bigger accomplishment
403
00:15:21,590 --> 00:15:23,524
Than anybody else in that room.
404
00:15:23,592 --> 00:15:24,859
And nobody can ever strip you
of that,
405
00:15:24,926 --> 00:15:26,494
Not even me.
406
00:15:26,561 --> 00:15:29,062
- You really believe that?
- Yes.
407
00:15:29,130 --> 00:15:31,598
And that's why you think
pantsing me wasn't wrong?
408
00:15:31,666 --> 00:15:33,033
It wasn't.
409
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:38,637
Hmm.
410
00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:44,509
What are you doing?
411
00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:46,011
Did I misread that?
412
00:15:49,683 --> 00:15:51,617
Oh, here, let me just do that.
413
00:15:51,685 --> 00:15:53,519
You sure
you don't want some vodka?
414
00:15:53,587 --> 00:15:54,820
Oh, I'm good.
I'm good.
415
00:15:54,888 --> 00:15:56,089
I'm at school.
416
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:57,657
At 2:00 P.M.
417
00:15:57,725 --> 00:16:00,828
Did someone just take
a Schmitty?
418
00:16:00,896 --> 00:16:04,231
Hey. Looks like you'll be
calling somebody daddy soon.
419
00:16:04,299 --> 00:16:08,735
Or at least your mom will be
tonight.
420
00:16:17,345 --> 00:16:20,080
- Dude, you are so pathetic.
- Mark?
421
00:16:20,148 --> 00:16:21,982
Mom, I've been pwning
this loser all week,
422
00:16:22,050 --> 00:16:24,084
And he thinks that he can get
back at me through you.
423
00:16:24,152 --> 00:16:25,786
What? Pwning?
424
00:16:25,853 --> 00:16:26,920
Pwning.
425
00:16:26,988 --> 00:16:28,522
Do you even know what it means?
426
00:16:28,589 --> 00:16:31,157
Oh, I see what's going on here.
427
00:16:31,225 --> 00:16:33,526
Look, I don't want to come
between a son
428
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:36,428
And his beautiful,
vivacious mom.
429
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:39,130
Oh, my God, you are pathetic.
430
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:41,332
Yeah. So's the dumb whore
who's in on it.
431
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,101
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
432
00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:44,302
I gotta tell you, Chantel,
433
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:48,607
You have raised
a terrible human being.
434
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:49,808
We're better than this.
435
00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:51,344
No, you're not!
436
00:16:51,412 --> 00:16:54,281
I raised a winner
who will continue to crush
437
00:16:54,348 --> 00:16:56,817
Junior college losers like you.
438
00:16:56,885 --> 00:16:59,854
Ooh!
Schmitty!
439
00:16:59,922 --> 00:17:02,390
I'm sorry.
This is a matter of pride.
440
00:17:05,661 --> 00:17:06,994
What are you looking at?
441
00:17:07,062 --> 00:17:10,264
"what are you looking at?"
duh!
442
00:17:14,436 --> 00:17:18,706
"what are you looking at?
Duh!" duh!
443
00:17:18,774 --> 00:17:20,308
School his ass, mark.
444
00:17:20,376 --> 00:17:23,878
"school his ass, mark."
duh!
445
00:17:23,946 --> 00:17:26,180
Duh.
446
00:17:26,248 --> 00:17:27,348
Duh. Duh. Duh.
447
00:17:27,415 --> 00:17:29,684
- Duh!
D-d-duh! Duh!
448
00:17:44,032 --> 00:17:45,099
Why are Jeff and Britta
449
00:17:45,167 --> 00:17:46,567
Making fun
of those handicapped kids?
450
00:17:46,635 --> 00:17:49,136
They don't even realize
how much they need us.
451
00:18:11,494 --> 00:18:12,861
Why are they doing this?
452
00:18:12,929 --> 00:18:14,196
I don't know if you've noticed,
453
00:18:14,263 --> 00:18:15,630
But Jeff and Britta
have the two most fragile egos
454
00:18:15,698 --> 00:18:16,932
Of the group.
455
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,735
These kids will pretty much
destroy them.
456
00:18:27,277 --> 00:18:30,112
Hey!
457
00:18:30,180 --> 00:18:31,681
- What are you doing?
- What the hell?
458
00:18:31,748 --> 00:18:33,683
Hey, you didn't say duh!
459
00:18:33,751 --> 00:18:35,618
- We win.
- No.
460
00:18:35,686 --> 00:18:37,120
You're the Schmitties.
461
00:18:37,188 --> 00:18:39,155
No, no, we're minors.
462
00:18:39,223 --> 00:18:40,623
- Yeah.
- I'm calling the cops.
463
00:18:40,691 --> 00:18:42,492
No, you're not.
464
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,295
You have already embarrassed me
by getting pwned.
465
00:18:45,362 --> 00:18:48,298
Don't be such a girl.
Go.
466
00:18:48,365 --> 00:18:50,300
- Yeah. See that.
- Yes. Suck it!
467
00:18:50,367 --> 00:18:51,634
- Duh. Yeah.
- Schmitty face!
468
00:18:51,702 --> 00:18:53,402
And we showed you,
high schoolers!
469
00:18:53,470 --> 00:18:57,406
Congratulations
on your victory.
470
00:18:57,473 --> 00:18:59,341
Thank you, Annie.
471
00:18:59,408 --> 00:19:00,742
Yeah, thank you.
472
00:19:00,810 --> 00:19:01,910
And thanks, you guys.
473
00:19:01,978 --> 00:19:02,944
Any time.
474
00:19:03,012 --> 00:19:04,746
Look, Pierce and I
are considering
475
00:19:04,813 --> 00:19:07,381
Rejoining the group,
and maybe we can all be
476
00:19:07,449 --> 00:19:08,449
A little more mature.
477
00:19:08,517 --> 00:19:09,950
I hear that.
478
00:19:10,018 --> 00:19:11,785
Abed, I've had enough
of this list.
479
00:19:11,853 --> 00:19:13,186
Doing this stuff isn't fun.
480
00:19:13,254 --> 00:19:14,554
It just feels forced.
481
00:19:14,622 --> 00:19:16,989
Fine.
I'll deactivate boobatron.
482
00:19:17,057 --> 00:19:18,424
But trust me,
classic college experiences
483
00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:20,826
Never happen organically.
484
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:28,934
Food fight!
485
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,135
Oh, no!
486
00:20:26,988 --> 00:20:29,322
Are you sure
it's the name of my grade school
487
00:20:29,390 --> 00:20:31,358
And my favorite soft drink?
Yup. Pretty sure.
488
00:20:31,925 --> 00:20:33,595
George Washington lemon fresca.
489
00:20:34,663 --> 00:20:35,829
That's a horrible porn name.
490
00:20:35,897 --> 00:20:36,997
I don't make the rules.
491
00:20:37,065 --> 00:20:38,099
What's yours?
492
00:20:38,166 --> 00:20:39,567
Henry David Thoreau
diet squirt.
493
00:20:39,635 --> 00:20:40,702
Oh, that's good.
494
00:20:40,769 --> 00:20:42,804
Hello, Henry David Thoreau
diet squirt.
495
00:20:42,872 --> 00:20:44,206
How many pornos
have you been in?
496
00:20:44,273 --> 00:20:46,742
6,012. How many pornos
have you been in,
497
00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:48,077
George Washington lemon fresca?
498
00:20:48,145 --> 00:20:49,879
2,019.
It's my first week.
499
00:20:49,946 --> 00:20:51,213
Impressive.
500
00:20:51,281 --> 00:20:52,181
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
501
00:20:55,519 --> 00:20:58,555
Someone here order a pizza?
502
00:20:58,622 --> 00:20:59,989
Is it you guys?
503
00:21:00,057 --> 00:21:01,591
It has extra sausage.
504
00:21:01,659 --> 00:21:04,594
- No.
- It's big and hot.
505
00:21:04,662 --> 00:21:06,162
That's my pizza.
506
00:21:06,230 --> 00:21:08,031
But you took longer
than 30 minutes,
507
00:21:08,099 --> 00:21:10,866
So I'm not paying.
508
00:21:10,867 --> 00:21:17,867
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com