1
00:00:04,490 --> 00:00:07,050
Hey, Britta, what
are you gonna knitta?
2
00:00:07,260 --> 00:00:11,458
Good mood, bad rhyme and is
that a carb on your plate?
3
00:00:11,664 --> 00:00:13,222
I got a B on my nutrition final
4
00:00:13,432 --> 00:00:16,663
and I am celebrating with pie
and a dollop of whipped irony.
5
00:00:16,869 --> 00:00:19,303
Nice. I'm knitting something
for my new cat.
6
00:00:19,505 --> 00:00:22,963
It's been two weeks since I lost Suzie B,
so I figured it was time to move on.
7
00:00:23,176 --> 00:00:26,805
Not being an animal lover, I assume it'll
nice to start over with a fresh kitten.
8
00:00:27,013 --> 00:00:28,002
Fresh kitten?
9
00:00:28,214 --> 00:00:33,948
I go to a shelter and rescue an animal
that genuinely needs my help, okay?
10
00:00:34,153 --> 00:00:36,587
Why do you think I am knitting
a tiny, little eye patch?
11
00:00:36,789 --> 00:00:38,689
Excuse me, hi.
12
00:00:38,891 --> 00:00:41,860
We're in high school but we're taking
classes for college credit.
13
00:00:42,061 --> 00:00:43,824
Well, all right.
Way to be go-getters.
14
00:00:44,063 --> 00:00:46,896
Thanks.
So we were just wondering,
15
00:00:47,099 --> 00:00:49,761
can you tell us exactly what you
did in your lives to end up here
16
00:00:49,969 --> 00:00:52,699
so that we don't make
the same mistakes?
17
00:00:54,207 --> 00:00:56,198
Yeah, because if I end up 35
18
00:00:56,409 --> 00:01:00,345
and celebrating a B in nutrition
in community college,
19
00:01:00,546 --> 00:01:01,774
I'll kill myself.
20
00:01:02,481 --> 00:01:05,006
Watch it.
Yeah, watch it.
21
00:01:05,218 --> 00:01:06,685
Or what, schmitty?
22
00:01:08,054 --> 00:01:09,021
Schmitty.
23
00:01:09,222 --> 00:01:12,248
You gonna knit me something sad in your
house full of cats with no furniture?
24
00:01:12,458 --> 00:01:16,121
Listen, it is a studio apartment
and knitting is hip.
25
00:01:16,329 --> 00:01:18,058
Winona Ryder knits.
26
00:01:19,799 --> 00:01:20,891
Who?
27
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:22,795
Schmitty.
Schmitty.
28
00:01:23,002 --> 00:01:24,526
Schmits.
Schmitty.
29
00:01:26,038 --> 00:01:28,438
I have done things
with my life, awesome things.
30
00:01:28,641 --> 00:01:30,575
I've been to 14 countries.
31
00:01:30,776 --> 00:01:32,903
I helped build a school in Kenya.
32
00:01:33,112 --> 00:01:35,307
I once met Sting
at a Cracker Barrel.
33
00:01:35,514 --> 00:01:37,914
Why are you letting
a bunch of teenagers get to you?
34
00:01:38,117 --> 00:01:40,711
I don't even remember what they said.
It just rolled...
35
00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:44,981
Would you stop tuning that guitar?
You are 105 years old!
36
00:01:45,191 --> 00:01:47,819
Tell me what you did with your life
to end up here
37
00:01:48,027 --> 00:01:49,824
so I don't make
the same mistakes!
38
00:01:52,465 --> 00:01:54,524
Excuse me!
39
00:01:54,734 --> 00:01:57,726
But it's springtime
and I thought I might woo a few chicks.
40
00:01:59,739 --> 00:02:02,640
♪ No one to watch
While we're kissing ♪
41
00:02:03,743 --> 00:02:07,611
♪ No one to see while we spoon ♪
44
00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:15,909
Hey, hey, hey.
45
00:02:16,122 --> 00:02:17,248
What the hell?
46
00:02:17,456 --> 00:02:18,480
Hey, what?
47
00:02:22,995 --> 00:02:24,428
What the hell?
48
00:02:25,464 --> 00:02:26,897
Sorry.
49
00:02:27,667 --> 00:02:28,656
Animal House.
50
00:02:28,868 --> 00:02:31,428
A reference my ears applaud.
I couldn't resist.
51
00:02:31,637 --> 00:02:33,468
Smashing the guitar
of someone singing a love song
52
00:02:33,673 --> 00:02:35,368
was on my quintessential
college experience list.
53
00:02:35,574 --> 00:02:36,768
Your what?
It's a list
54
00:02:36,976 --> 00:02:39,968
of everything movies have taught me comprises
a successful first year at college.
55
00:02:40,179 --> 00:02:42,613
"Bond with a group of lovable misfits."
Check.
56
00:02:42,815 --> 00:02:44,715
"Take on the school bully."
Check.
57
00:02:44,917 --> 00:02:47,181
"Make out with the hottest girl."
Check-a-rooni.
58
00:02:47,820 --> 00:02:49,287
You?
No.
59
00:02:49,855 --> 00:02:52,551
Unfortunately, the school year is almost
over and there's stuff left on the list.
60
00:02:52,758 --> 00:02:55,352
I'll help you finish it.
I'll be like your Morgan Freeman.
61
00:02:55,928 --> 00:02:57,657
Like in The Bucket List.
The what?
62
00:02:58,364 --> 00:03:00,093
Stand up for a second.
63
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:03,866
Come over here. Stand there.
64
00:03:05,237 --> 00:03:08,035
Okay, turn around.
Okay.
65
00:03:11,243 --> 00:03:13,541
What the hell?
Pantsing someone was on my list.
66
00:03:13,746 --> 00:03:17,011
It would've been better if you were wearing
the giant hearts underwear, but I'll take it.
67
00:03:17,216 --> 00:03:21,482
Oh, yeah? Well, I hope
getting pantsed is on your list.
68
00:03:23,122 --> 00:03:24,749
It is.
69
00:03:27,993 --> 00:03:30,484
What's so funny?
70
00:03:30,696 --> 00:03:31,924
This.
71
00:03:35,901 --> 00:03:37,027
Ooh!
72
00:03:41,941 --> 00:03:42,930
Get it?
73
00:03:58,224 --> 00:03:59,782
Finally.
No, Pierce.
74
00:03:59,992 --> 00:04:02,290
Shirley is way too angry
to talk to you right now.
75
00:04:02,495 --> 00:04:04,554
Yeah, you'll have
to apologize later.
76
00:04:04,764 --> 00:04:07,062
Apologize for what?
She should apologize to me.
77
00:04:07,266 --> 00:04:09,325
She ruined my joke.
78
00:04:13,572 --> 00:04:15,437
Oh, my God.
79
00:04:16,142 --> 00:04:18,042
There's a grandpa schlip-schlap.
80
00:04:18,878 --> 00:04:20,903
Have you seen my schmitty, sonny?
81
00:04:21,113 --> 00:04:23,206
Help me,
I'm gonna crap my pants.
82
00:04:23,416 --> 00:04:24,747
Someone help me.
83
00:04:24,950 --> 00:04:27,282
Seriously, nutrition, this is your life?
84
00:04:27,486 --> 00:04:29,249
Actually, I was a lawyer.
85
00:04:29,455 --> 00:04:30,717
Looks like that went well.
86
00:04:31,424 --> 00:04:34,052
And now you hang out
with schlip-schlap and schlap-skank...
87
00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:37,593
Oh, my God,
is she wearing a Discman?
88
00:04:40,466 --> 00:04:42,161
How could you do this to me?
What?
89
00:04:42,368 --> 00:04:44,427
Discmans are retro.
90
00:04:44,637 --> 00:04:50,405
Oh, is retro when you're 30 and broke
and can't afford an iPod, schmitty?
91
00:04:53,879 --> 00:04:55,938
I think "schmitty" means loser.
92
00:04:56,148 --> 00:04:57,775
We know.
We know.
93
00:04:57,983 --> 00:05:00,850
You may come back in now.
I have something to say.
94
00:05:01,053 --> 00:05:03,180
This better be a good apology.
95
00:05:03,789 --> 00:05:07,088
This has been a long time coming.
We have joked and rolled eyes at him.
96
00:05:07,293 --> 00:05:09,420
But there has been
a transgression today.
97
00:05:09,628 --> 00:05:12,927
And I will no longer continue to be
a part of the group with this man.
98
00:05:13,132 --> 00:05:14,656
Just skip to the "I'm sorry."
99
00:05:14,867 --> 00:05:17,301
You are pathological
and you will never change.
100
00:05:17,503 --> 00:05:22,167
Ha! That is the pot calling the kettle
a kettle, okay?
101
00:05:22,374 --> 00:05:24,774
Oh, you can say black, Pierce.
I'm a black woman.
102
00:05:24,977 --> 00:05:26,205
The cat is out the bag.
103
00:05:26,412 --> 00:05:29,711
You have literally identified me
to strangers as "the black woman."
104
00:05:29,915 --> 00:05:33,078
Out of context.
Context is everything.
105
00:05:33,285 --> 00:05:36,812
I call the other women "flat-butt"
and "the one Abed wants to nail."
106
00:05:37,389 --> 00:05:38,447
Is that you?
Not me.
107
00:05:40,025 --> 00:05:43,517
So, what's the context for constantly
referring to me as a lesbian?
108
00:05:44,296 --> 00:05:47,459
If the wallet chain fits...
I'm just trying to help you find yourself.
109
00:05:47,666 --> 00:05:50,134
At least he doesn't think
Shirley's my mom anymore.
110
00:05:50,336 --> 00:05:51,530
He thinks we're cousins.
111
00:05:51,737 --> 00:05:52,726
You're not?
112
00:05:52,938 --> 00:05:54,599
He still assumes I'm a terrorist.
113
00:05:54,807 --> 00:05:57,037
If you're not, I'm sorry.
If you are, I'm a hero.
114
00:05:57,243 --> 00:05:58,733
I'm willing to take that chance.
115
00:05:58,944 --> 00:06:00,809
You said I have a crafty Jew brain.
116
00:06:01,013 --> 00:06:03,174
Nobody knows how to take
a compliment anymore.
117
00:06:03,382 --> 00:06:05,873
Look, either he leaves the group
or I do.
118
00:06:08,087 --> 00:06:11,420
You just dug your own grave.
119
00:06:23,769 --> 00:06:26,431
Hey, what's up?
120
00:06:26,639 --> 00:06:29,005
They kicked me out of the group.
Whoa.
121
00:06:29,208 --> 00:06:32,177
Wanna buy some cookies?
Ten bucks a box.
122
00:06:32,378 --> 00:06:34,073
Crap, damn it.
123
00:06:35,548 --> 00:06:37,106
Have you seen a Chinese kid?
124
00:06:42,888 --> 00:06:44,583
Twerps.
125
00:06:48,427 --> 00:06:50,987
Oh, hey, Pierce. How is it going?
126
00:06:52,131 --> 00:06:54,691
Unrepentant child.
Such a child.
127
00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:56,891
Oh, here comes
stinky turd face.
128
00:06:57,102 --> 00:06:58,899
Remember,
we don't stop till he's crying.
129
00:06:59,104 --> 00:07:01,902
Oh, check out Franken-mom.
Oh, we can use that.
130
00:07:02,107 --> 00:07:04,439
And no wedding ring.
He's a child of divorce.
131
00:07:04,643 --> 00:07:07,942
We can make fun of him
for coming from a broken home.
132
00:07:08,147 --> 00:07:10,445
I don't care if this gets dirty.
He asked for it.
133
00:07:11,250 --> 00:07:12,376
You're right.
134
00:07:12,585 --> 00:07:14,815
Get ready to meet
Jeff Winger, esquire,
135
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:17,045
attorney at "Ah, snap."
136
00:07:18,090 --> 00:07:19,580
It will be better than that.
137
00:07:20,292 --> 00:07:24,126
Hey, Clearasil, what time
is your mommy picking you up?
138
00:07:24,330 --> 00:07:27,424
After she's done shooting The Real
Housewives of Greendale County?
139
00:07:28,334 --> 00:07:31,929
"After she's done shooting The Real
Housewives of Greendale County. " Duh!
140
00:07:32,738 --> 00:07:33,932
That's a clever retort.
141
00:07:34,139 --> 00:07:36,232
"That's a clever retort." Duh!
142
00:07:36,842 --> 00:07:38,639
Brilliant.
"Brilliant." Duh!
143
00:07:38,844 --> 00:07:40,072
Your parents are divorced.
144
00:07:40,279 --> 00:07:43,646
"Your parents are divorced." Duh!
145
00:07:43,849 --> 00:07:45,942
Pfft!
Duh!
146
00:07:46,151 --> 00:07:47,209
Schmitty.
147
00:07:47,419 --> 00:07:48,511
Forget it, come on.
148
00:07:48,721 --> 00:07:51,451
Come on, forget this. Duh!
149
00:07:51,657 --> 00:07:54,922
Where you going, schmitty?
I'm sorry, little schmitty.
150
00:07:55,127 --> 00:07:57,391
Mimicry is the lowest form...
Stop talking.
151
00:07:57,596 --> 00:08:00,463
"Mimicry is the lowest form of..."
Stop talking.
152
00:08:03,802 --> 00:08:05,963
Hi.
Hey, you two.
153
00:08:06,171 --> 00:08:07,297
What is that?
154
00:08:07,506 --> 00:08:09,098
It's Billy,
City College's mascot.
155
00:08:09,308 --> 00:08:12,300
Stealing a mascot was part of the list.
Check.
156
00:08:12,511 --> 00:08:15,446
Bringing a goat to our study group,
that's a great idea, Troy.
157
00:08:15,648 --> 00:08:17,707
Thanks, must have been hard
for you to say that.
158
00:08:17,916 --> 00:08:21,511
It's called sarcasm, Troy.
Ask the goat to explain it to you.
159
00:08:23,789 --> 00:08:26,383
Why do I feel like I'm being dissed?
Because you are being dissed.
160
00:08:26,592 --> 00:08:29,322
Why are you two dissing Troy?
They no longer have Pierce.
161
00:08:30,329 --> 00:08:31,296
What?
162
00:08:31,497 --> 00:08:34,864
Pierce's universally recognized social flaws
made him the scapegoat, a lightning rod.
163
00:08:35,067 --> 00:08:36,659
Now he's gone, so there's
lightning everywhere.
164
00:08:36,869 --> 00:08:39,167
Sounds dangerous.
My uncle was struck by lightning.
165
00:08:39,371 --> 00:08:42,670
You'd think it'd give superpowers, but
now he just masturbates in theaters.
166
00:08:42,875 --> 00:08:43,864
It's very dangerous.
167
00:08:44,076 --> 00:08:46,374
We've lost our Cliff Clavin,
our George Costanza,
168
00:08:46,578 --> 00:08:49,877
our Turtle or Johnny Drama
or Eve.
169
00:08:50,082 --> 00:08:51,208
Man, that show is sloppy.
170
00:08:51,417 --> 00:08:52,406
What's gonna happen?
171
00:08:52,618 --> 00:08:55,485
It's only a matter of time before
one of us becomes the new Pierce.
172
00:08:55,688 --> 00:08:58,179
Well, I sure as hell am not
gonna be the new Pierce.
173
00:08:59,992 --> 00:09:03,951
And if all we
need is an escape-goat,
174
00:09:04,163 --> 00:09:06,188
I think
we should just let this one go.
175
00:09:06,398 --> 00:09:08,229
Sometimes,
you've got to be pretending, Troy.
176
00:09:08,434 --> 00:09:10,527
Maybe the new Pierce is Britta.
Yeah, right.
177
00:09:10,736 --> 00:09:12,328
How do you
pronounce bagel again?
178
00:09:12,538 --> 00:09:15,439
Bagel.
She calls bagels, bagels.
179
00:09:15,641 --> 00:09:17,768
We do make fun of a lot
of what you do and say.
180
00:09:17,976 --> 00:09:20,536
Yeah, right to my face,
because I can take it,
181
00:09:20,746 --> 00:09:22,441
unlike a certain someone else.
182
00:09:25,017 --> 00:09:26,143
Ah. Ah.
183
00:09:26,351 --> 00:09:28,785
Let's not make fun of Annie.
No, no.
184
00:09:28,987 --> 00:09:32,616
I don't want pity. Come to think of it,
after Pierce, you're the most bigoted.
185
00:09:32,825 --> 00:09:34,452
What?
You found out I was Jewish,
186
00:09:34,893 --> 00:09:37,862
you invited me to a "pool" party.
Turned out to be a baptism.
187
00:09:38,063 --> 00:09:40,122
Excuse me for trying
to sneak you into heaven.
188
00:09:40,332 --> 00:09:42,232
What about Abed? Abed's weird.
189
00:09:44,870 --> 00:09:47,236
No, that's not it.
He's all right, we like Abed.
190
00:09:47,439 --> 00:09:51,432
Guys, have you considered
the new Pierce concept is stupid?
191
00:09:52,211 --> 00:09:55,237
Spoken like the new Pierce.
You're right.
192
00:09:55,447 --> 00:09:57,438
I am not the new Pierce.
You are too.
193
00:09:57,649 --> 00:09:59,378
You said "the World Wide Web."
194
00:09:59,585 --> 00:10:01,280
Damn the old Pierce.
He makes me mad.
195
00:10:01,487 --> 00:10:03,785
Don't double Pierce me.
You're the triple Pierce.
196
00:10:03,989 --> 00:10:05,581
That's so unfair.
Guys, guys.
197
00:10:05,791 --> 00:10:08,658
I can't believe
I'm gonna utter these words,
198
00:10:08,861 --> 00:10:10,920
but we need Pierce
in this group.
199
00:10:11,130 --> 00:10:15,089
But we can't ask Shirley to let him
back in, that would be so insensitive.
200
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:16,892
Well, maybe he'll admit
he's wrong.
201
00:10:17,102 --> 00:10:21,061
Two, three, four, uh, not.
202
00:10:25,577 --> 00:10:26,566
We need Pierce.
203
00:10:26,779 --> 00:10:29,247
Just stick to the
script and make it sincere.
204
00:10:29,448 --> 00:10:31,939
It's not gonna be sincere,
I'm pretending to apologize.
205
00:10:32,151 --> 00:10:35,177
Okay, but you're not getting back into the
group unless she thinks you're sincere.
206
00:10:35,387 --> 00:10:38,220
Stubborn fool.
Can we, um, hurry this up?
207
00:10:38,423 --> 00:10:40,391
Troy and I are pledging
the cool fraternity.
208
00:10:40,592 --> 00:10:43,288
Unbeknownst to us, we're the target of ridicule
and don't have a chance of getting in.
209
00:10:43,495 --> 00:10:46,089
Yeah. They're making us walk
around with pretzels in our butts.
210
00:10:46,298 --> 00:10:47,925
I put mustard on mine like an idiot.
211
00:10:48,133 --> 00:10:52,160
Okay, Pierce, you can do this.
212
00:11:01,814 --> 00:11:03,372
What's he...?
213
00:11:08,921 --> 00:11:10,286
Yup.
214
00:11:10,489 --> 00:11:13,890
Shirley, I know you don't
wanna hear what I have to say,
215
00:11:14,092 --> 00:11:15,218
but I owe you this.
216
00:11:15,427 --> 00:11:17,292
From the moment we first
met, I knew you...
217
00:11:17,496 --> 00:11:18,724
Seriously.
218
00:11:20,799 --> 00:11:24,701
Oh. Oh, Shirley. Ha, ha.
I could have...
219
00:11:24,903 --> 00:11:26,803
You are unbelievable.
220
00:11:27,005 --> 00:11:29,405
I'm not wearing contacts.
These are mine, give them.
221
00:11:29,608 --> 00:11:31,667
But I'm a bag guy.
You have the same bag.
222
00:11:31,877 --> 00:11:34,209
So I thought, you know...
Right, nothing is ever your fault.
223
00:11:34,413 --> 00:11:36,108
Screw you.
I don't owe you an apology.
224
00:11:36,315 --> 00:11:37,873
They wrote this.
225
00:11:41,119 --> 00:11:43,519
Pretend like you asleep,
pretend like you asleep.
226
00:11:43,956 --> 00:11:48,120
Thank you, now I fully understand
where I have always stood.
227
00:11:48,327 --> 00:11:52,388
I'm entitled to my pride until it gets
in the way of what you guys want.
228
00:11:53,065 --> 00:11:54,293
Got nothing to say?
229
00:11:54,499 --> 00:11:57,059
Well, I do. I'm out of the group.
230
00:11:57,269 --> 00:11:58,702
What? Shirley.
231
00:11:58,904 --> 00:12:01,372
Shirley, please.
Oh, Shirley, don't go, please.
232
00:12:01,573 --> 00:12:03,598
Uh-oh. Sassy black schmitty's
out of the group.
233
00:12:03,809 --> 00:12:05,640
Oh, no, not the group.
234
00:12:05,844 --> 00:12:07,505
Poor, sad, little schmitties.
235
00:12:07,713 --> 00:12:10,238
Can't all of us little schmitties
get along?
236
00:12:11,016 --> 00:12:13,746
Would you please hurry up?
I am late for my bikini wax.
237
00:12:13,952 --> 00:12:15,442
Hurry, please.
Who was that?
238
00:12:15,654 --> 00:12:17,815
A punk-ass
who needs to be destroyed.
239
00:12:18,023 --> 00:12:19,547
And I just figured out how.
240
00:12:20,292 --> 00:12:23,523
Can we focus on what's important here?
Shirley thinks we don't care about her.
241
00:12:23,729 --> 00:12:26,789
No, no, you're right. You're right.
That's totally more important.
242
00:12:26,999 --> 00:12:30,867
I just thought of one thing.
You need to bang that kid's mom.
243
00:12:31,069 --> 00:12:33,128
Um, after we fix everything
with Shirley.
244
00:12:33,338 --> 00:12:36,466
Whoa! Yes, yes, yes, we'll deal
with Shirley. But that's brilliant!
245
00:12:36,675 --> 00:12:38,939
I know because then anything
he says about you...
246
00:12:39,144 --> 00:12:41,203
He'll be saying to a dude
that banged his mom.
247
00:12:41,413 --> 00:12:42,710
Oh, my God, you guys.
248
00:12:42,915 --> 00:12:44,610
Sorry, Shirley.
Shirley.
249
00:12:45,617 --> 00:12:46,777
Okay.
Yes!
250
00:13:05,370 --> 00:13:07,964
All right, bye, everybody.
Have a great day.
251
00:13:08,173 --> 00:13:10,403
Be right here at 3:00, please.
I'll be in a hurry.
252
00:13:13,912 --> 00:13:15,880
Excuse me.
253
00:13:16,081 --> 00:13:17,105
Sorry to bother you.
254
00:13:17,316 --> 00:13:19,944
You don't happen to have an extra
bottle of sports drink, do you?
255
00:13:20,152 --> 00:13:21,881
Actually, I do, here you go.
256
00:13:22,087 --> 00:13:24,783
Oh, thanks, got to hydrate, right?
257
00:13:24,990 --> 00:13:26,981
But obviously you know.
You work out.
258
00:13:27,192 --> 00:13:29,592
Well, I try to keep things
where they should be.
259
00:13:29,795 --> 00:13:31,922
I think I might be
where should I be.
260
00:13:36,201 --> 00:13:38,260
I don't know about your robot, Abed.
261
00:13:38,470 --> 00:13:39,459
Boobatron's great.
262
00:13:39,671 --> 00:13:42,572
Once someone spills bong water
on his circuitry and he comes alive,
263
00:13:42,774 --> 00:13:44,935
he's gonna make us the coolest
guys on campus, help us get babes.
264
00:13:45,143 --> 00:13:48,510
Those are real babes
who will really laugh at us.
265
00:13:48,714 --> 00:13:51,342
Hey, you're my friend, right?
266
00:13:51,550 --> 00:13:54,018
Friends are supposed to help
each other no matter what.
267
00:13:56,088 --> 00:13:57,248
Okay.
268
00:13:57,456 --> 00:14:00,084
Ridiculous situation descending
into heavy-handed drama
269
00:14:00,292 --> 00:14:02,556
for the illusion of story, check.
270
00:14:04,296 --> 00:14:06,662
What? That was awesome.
271
00:14:06,865 --> 00:14:09,197
All right, I am back in.
Cool.
272
00:14:09,401 --> 00:14:10,993
All right.
273
00:14:16,074 --> 00:14:17,837
Just so you know, I'm Shirley.
274
00:14:18,043 --> 00:14:21,706
Wouldn't want you reaching for me should
you get a hankering for pancakes.
275
00:14:23,181 --> 00:14:26,912
I'm old and I do not see well.
And you already won, so shut it.
276
00:14:27,119 --> 00:14:28,882
I won? Oh, no,
they want you in the group.
277
00:14:29,087 --> 00:14:30,714
I quit. So you go ahead,
hang with them.
278
00:14:30,922 --> 00:14:34,358
No, thanks, I'm sick of the way
that group treats me.
279
00:14:34,559 --> 00:14:36,026
Preaching to the choir.
280
00:14:36,228 --> 00:14:39,322
Tell you what I'm not gonna miss.
Abed and Troy's silly games.
281
00:14:39,931 --> 00:14:43,389
Grow up already. Ha.
By the way, thanks for including me.
282
00:14:43,602 --> 00:14:47,060
Please. You think Annie and Britta invite me
when they take those weekend trips to the mall?
283
00:14:47,272 --> 00:14:49,433
They just think of me
as some sort of mom.
284
00:14:49,641 --> 00:14:52,474
They need to learn manners.
Annie needs to stop dating Vaughn.
285
00:14:52,677 --> 00:14:55,168
He's cute, but he's not the boy
I envisioned her ending up with.
286
00:14:55,380 --> 00:14:58,907
No matter how hard you try, you can
never be as cool or funny as they are.
287
00:14:59,117 --> 00:15:02,450
It's called respect
and no one ever gave me diddly.
288
00:15:02,654 --> 00:15:04,417
Except me.
289
00:15:05,090 --> 00:15:07,650
I respect you more
than anyone else in the group.
290
00:15:07,859 --> 00:15:09,690
Which is why you pantsed me?
291
00:15:09,895 --> 00:15:12,728
Well, but you see,
that wasn't wrong.
292
00:15:12,931 --> 00:15:16,867
Oh, for heaven's sake, you are such
an arrogant, self-righteous ass.
293
00:15:17,069 --> 00:15:19,833
And you are a strong, dignified woman
who's raising a family.
294
00:15:20,038 --> 00:15:22,529
A bigger accomplishment
than anybody else in that room.
295
00:15:22,741 --> 00:15:25,574
And nobody can ever strip you of that,
not even me.
296
00:15:26,178 --> 00:15:28,146
You really believe that?
Yes.
297
00:15:28,647 --> 00:15:30,706
And that's why you think
pantsing me wasn't wrong?
298
00:15:30,916 --> 00:15:32,110
It wasn't.
299
00:15:42,494 --> 00:15:43,586
What are you doing?!
300
00:15:43,795 --> 00:15:45,092
Did I misread that?
301
00:15:48,366 --> 00:15:50,732
Oh, here, let me just do that.
302
00:15:50,936 --> 00:15:52,494
You sure
you don't want some vodka?
303
00:15:52,704 --> 00:15:54,069
Oh, I'm good, I'm good.
304
00:15:54,272 --> 00:15:56,763
I'm at school at 2:00 p.m.
305
00:15:56,975 --> 00:15:59,944
Did someone just take a schmitty?
306
00:16:00,145 --> 00:16:03,581
Hey, looks like you'll be calling
somebody daddy soon.
307
00:16:03,782 --> 00:16:07,775
Or at least your mom will be tonight.
308
00:16:16,628 --> 00:16:19,188
Dude, you are so pathetic.
Mark!
309
00:16:19,397 --> 00:16:21,024
Mom, I've been pwning this loser.
310
00:16:21,233 --> 00:16:23,201
He thinks he can get back at me
through you.
311
00:16:23,401 --> 00:16:26,029
What? Pwning?
Pwning.
312
00:16:26,571 --> 00:16:28,232
He doesn't even know
what that means?
313
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,374
Heh, heh.
I see what's going on here.
314
00:16:30,575 --> 00:16:32,805
Look, I don't want to come
between a son
315
00:16:33,011 --> 00:16:35,536
and his beautiful, vivacious mom.
316
00:16:36,648 --> 00:16:38,707
Oh, my God, you are pathetic.
317
00:16:38,917 --> 00:16:40,441
Yeah, so is the whore in on it.
318
00:16:40,652 --> 00:16:42,142
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
319
00:16:42,387 --> 00:16:46,551
I gotta tell you, Chantel, you have
raised a terrible human being.
320
00:16:47,893 --> 00:16:50,259
We're better than this.
No, you're not.
321
00:16:50,462 --> 00:16:55,900
I raised a winner who will continue to
crush junior college losers like you.
322
00:16:56,101 --> 00:16:58,968
Oh, schmitty.
Schmitty!
323
00:16:59,171 --> 00:17:02,402
I'm sorry, it's a matter of pride.
324
00:17:05,510 --> 00:17:08,570
What are you looking at?
"What are you looking at?" Duh!
325
00:17:13,685 --> 00:17:15,676
"What are you looking at?" Duh.
326
00:17:16,555 --> 00:17:17,817
Duh!
Ha, ha.
327
00:17:18,023 --> 00:17:19,388
School his ass, Mark.
328
00:17:20,091 --> 00:17:22,992
"School his ass, Mark." Duh.
329
00:17:23,195 --> 00:17:24,355
Ah, leh, leh, leh.
330
00:17:24,563 --> 00:17:26,428
Duh.
Duh, duh, duh!
331
00:17:26,631 --> 00:17:28,758
Duh. Duh, duh, duh.
332
00:17:43,248 --> 00:17:45,682
Why are Jeff and Britta making fun
of those handicapped kids?
333
00:17:45,884 --> 00:17:48,216
They don't even realize
how much they need us.
334
00:18:10,742 --> 00:18:11,936
Why are they doing this?
335
00:18:12,143 --> 00:18:15,704
I don't know if you've noticed, but Jeff and Britta
have the two most fragile egos of the group.
336
00:18:15,914 --> 00:18:18,474
Losing to these kids
will pretty much destroy them.
337
00:18:25,824 --> 00:18:26,950
Hey! Whoa!
338
00:18:27,158 --> 00:18:28,785
What are you, a priest?
339
00:18:28,994 --> 00:18:30,757
What are you doing?
What the hell?
340
00:18:31,529 --> 00:18:33,827
Hey, you didn't say, "Duh."
We win.
341
00:18:34,032 --> 00:18:36,227
No.
You're the schmitties!
342
00:18:36,434 --> 00:18:38,459
No, no, we're minors.
Yeah.
343
00:18:38,670 --> 00:18:39,728
I'm calling the cops.
344
00:18:39,938 --> 00:18:41,371
No, you're not.
345
00:18:41,573 --> 00:18:44,406
You have already embarrassed me
by getting pwned.
346
00:18:44,976 --> 00:18:46,841
Don't be such a girl, now go.
347
00:18:47,445 --> 00:18:49,345
Yeah, see that.
Yes, suck it!
348
00:18:49,547 --> 00:18:50,741
Schmitty face!
349
00:18:50,949 --> 00:18:53,144
We showed you, high schoolers!
Suck it!
350
00:18:53,351 --> 00:18:56,479
Congratulations
on your victory.
351
00:18:57,255 --> 00:18:59,553
Thank you, Annie.
Yeah, thank you.
352
00:18:59,758 --> 00:19:01,589
And thanks, you guys.
Any time.
353
00:19:01,793 --> 00:19:04,284
Look, Pierce and I are
considering rejoining the group.
354
00:19:04,496 --> 00:19:07,522
And maybe we can all be
a little more mature.
355
00:19:07,732 --> 00:19:09,029
I hear that.
356
00:19:09,234 --> 00:19:10,861
Abed, I've had enough
of this list.
357
00:19:11,069 --> 00:19:13,094
Doing this stuff isn't fun.
It feels forced.
358
00:19:13,605 --> 00:19:15,800
Fine, I'll deactivate Boobatron.
359
00:19:16,007 --> 00:19:19,841
Trust me, classic college experiences
never happen organically.
360
00:19:26,685 --> 00:19:28,016
Food fight!
Food fight!
361
00:19:28,219 --> 00:19:29,208
Oh, no.
362
00:20:25,977 --> 00:20:29,538
Are you sure it's the name of my grade
school and my favorite soft drink?
363
00:20:29,748 --> 00:20:33,514
Yup, pretty sure.
George Washington Lemon Fresco.
364
00:20:33,718 --> 00:20:35,015
That's a horrible porn name.
365
00:20:35,220 --> 00:20:36,949
I don't make the rules.
What's yours?
366
00:20:37,155 --> 00:20:39,385
Henry David Thoreau Diet Squirt.
Oh, that's good.
367
00:20:39,591 --> 00:20:41,650
Hello, Henry David Thoreau
Diet Squirt.
368
00:20:41,860 --> 00:20:44,693
How many pornos have you been in?
Six thousand and 12.
369
00:20:44,896 --> 00:20:48,024
How many pornos have you been in?
Two thousand and 19.
370
00:20:48,233 --> 00:20:50,224
It's my first week.
Impressive.
371
00:20:50,435 --> 00:20:52,164
Thank you.
You're welcome.
372
00:20:54,773 --> 00:20:56,297
Someone here order a pizza?
373
00:20:57,609 --> 00:20:58,803
Is it you guys?
374
00:20:59,010 --> 00:21:00,409
It has extra sausage.
375
00:21:00,612 --> 00:21:02,341
No.
376
00:21:02,547 --> 00:21:05,038
It's big and hot.
That's my pizza.
377
00:21:05,250 --> 00:21:08,913
But you took longer than 30 minutes
so I'm not paying.