1
00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:07,898
Hey, Britta, what
are you gonna knitta?
2
00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:12,306
Good mood, bad rhyme and is
that a carb on your plate?
3
00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:14,070
I got a B on my nutrition final
4
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:17,511
and I am celebrating with pie
and a dollop of whipped irony.
5
00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:20,151
Nice. I'm knitting something
for my new cat.
6
00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:23,811
It's been two weeks since I lost Suzie B,
so I figured it was time to move on.
7
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:27,653
Not being an animal lover, I assume it'll
nice to start over with a fresh kitten.
8
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:28,850
Fresh kitten?
9
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:34,796
I go to a shelter and rescue an animal
that genuinely needs my help, okay?
10
00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:37,435
Why do you think I am knitting
a tiny, little eye patch?
11
00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:39,537
Excuse me, hi.
12
00:00:39,739 --> 00:00:42,708
We're in high school but we're taking
classes for college credit.
13
00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:44,672
Well, all right.
Way to be go-getters.
14
00:00:44,911 --> 00:00:47,744
Thanks.
So we were just wondering,
15
00:00:47,947 --> 00:00:50,609
can you tell us exactly what you
did in your lives to end up here
16
00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:53,547
so that we don't make
the same mistakes?
17
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,046
Yeah, because if I end up 35
18
00:00:57,257 --> 00:01:01,193
and celebrating a B in nutrition
in community college,
19
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:02,622
I'll kill myself.
20
00:01:03,329 --> 00:01:05,854
Watch it.
Yeah, watch it.
21
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,533
Or what, schmitty?
22
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:09,869
Schmitty.
23
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:13,096
You gonna knit me something sad in your
house full of cats with no furniture?
24
00:01:13,306 --> 00:01:16,969
Listen, it is a studio apartment
and knitting is hip.
25
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:18,906
Winona Ryder knits.
26
00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:21,739
Who?
27
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:23,643
Schmitty.
Schmitty.
28
00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:25,374
Schmits.
Schmitty.
29
00:01:26,886 --> 00:01:29,286
I have done things
with my life, awesome things.
30
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:31,423
I've been to 14 countries.
31
00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:33,751
I helped build a school in Kenya.
32
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,155
I once met Sting
at a Cracker Barrel.
33
00:01:36,362 --> 00:01:38,762
Why are you letting
a bunch of teenagers get to you?
34
00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:41,559
I don't even remember what they said.
It just rolled...
35
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:45,829
Would you stop tuning that guitar?
You are 105 years old!
36
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:48,667
Tell me what you did with your life
to end up here
37
00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:50,672
so I don't make
the same mistakes!
38
00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:55,372
Excuse me!
39
00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:58,574
But it's springtime
and I thought I might woo a few chicks.
40
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:03,488
♪ No one to watch
While we're kissing ♪
41
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:08,459
♪ No one to see while we spoon ♪
44
00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:16,757
Hey, hey, hey.
45
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,096
What the hell?
46
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:19,328
Hey, what?
47
00:02:23,843 --> 00:02:25,276
What the hell?
48
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:27,745
Sorry.
49
00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:29,504
Animal House.
50
00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:32,276
A reference my ears applaud.
I couldn't resist.
51
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:34,316
Smashing the guitar
of someone singing a love song
52
00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:36,216
was on my quintessential
college experience list.
53
00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:37,616
Your what?
It's a list
54
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:40,816
of everything movies have taught me comprises
a successful first year at college.
55
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:43,461
"Bond with a group of lovable misfits."
Check.
56
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,563
"Take on the school bully."
Check.
57
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:48,029
"Make out with the hottest girl."
Check-a-rooni.
58
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,135
You?
No.
59
00:02:50,703 --> 00:02:53,399
Unfortunately, the school year is almost
over and there's stuff left on the list.
60
00:02:53,606 --> 00:02:56,200
I'll help you finish it.
I'll be like your Morgan Freeman.
61
00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:58,505
Like in The Bucket List.
The what?
62
00:02:59,212 --> 00:03:00,941
Stand up for a second.
63
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:04,714
Come over here. Stand there.
64
00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:08,883
Okay, turn around.
Okay.
65
00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:14,389
What the hell?
Pantsing someone was on my list.
66
00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:17,859
It would've been better if you were wearing
the giant hearts underwear, but I'll take it.
67
00:03:18,064 --> 00:03:22,330
Oh, yeah? Well, I hope
getting pantsed is on your list.
68
00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:25,597
It is.
69
00:03:28,841 --> 00:03:31,332
What's so funny?
70
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:32,772
This.
71
00:03:36,749 --> 00:03:37,875
Ooh!
72
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:43,778
Get it?
73
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,630
Finally.
No, Pierce.
74
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,138
Shirley is way too angry
to talk to you right now.
75
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:05,402
Yeah, you'll have
to apologize later.
76
00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:07,910
Apologize for what?
She should apologize to me.
77
00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:10,173
She ruined my joke.
78
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,285
Oh, my God.
79
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,890
There's a grandpa schlip-schlap.
80
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,751
Have you seen my schmitty, sonny?
81
00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:24,054
Help me,
I'm gonna crap my pants.
82
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,595
Someone help me.
83
00:04:25,798 --> 00:04:28,130
Seriously, nutrition, this is your life?
84
00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:30,097
Actually, I was a lawyer.
85
00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:31,565
Looks like that went well.
86
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,900
And now you hang out
with schlip-schlap and schlap-skank...
87
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:38,441
Oh, my God,
is she wearing a Discman?
88
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,009
How could you do this to me?
What?
89
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,275
Discmans are retro.
90
00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:51,253
Oh, is retro when you're 30 and broke
and can't afford an iPod, schmitty?
91
00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:56,786
I think "schmitty" means loser.
92
00:04:56,996 --> 00:04:58,623
We know.
We know.
93
00:04:58,831 --> 00:05:01,698
You may come back in now.
I have something to say.
94
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:04,028
This better be a good apology.
95
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:07,936
This has been a long time coming.
We have joked and rolled eyes at him.
96
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,268
But there has been
a transgression today.
97
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:13,775
And I will no longer continue to be
a part of the group with this man.
98
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,504
Just skip to the "I'm sorry."
99
00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:18,149
You are pathological
and you will never change.
100
00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:23,015
Ha! That is the pot calling the kettle
a kettle, okay?
101
00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:25,622
Oh, you can say black, Pierce.
I'm a black woman.
102
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:27,053
The cat is out the bag.
103
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:30,559
You have literally identified me
to strangers as "the black woman."
104
00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:33,926
Out of context.
Context is everything.
105
00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:37,660
I call the other women "flat-butt"
and "the one Abed wants to nail."
106
00:05:38,237 --> 00:05:39,295
Is that you?
Not me.
107
00:05:40,873 --> 00:05:44,365
So, what's the context for constantly
referring to me as a lesbian?
108
00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:48,307
If the wallet chain fits...
I'm just trying to help you find yourself.
109
00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:50,982
At least he doesn't think
Shirley's my mom anymore.
110
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,378
He thinks we're cousins.
111
00:05:52,585 --> 00:05:53,574
You're not?
112
00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:55,447
He still assumes I'm a terrorist.
113
00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:57,885
If you're not, I'm sorry.
If you are, I'm a hero.
114
00:05:58,091 --> 00:05:59,581
I'm willing to take that chance.
115
00:05:59,792 --> 00:06:01,657
You said I have a crafty Jew brain.
116
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:04,022
Nobody knows how to take
a compliment anymore.
117
00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:06,721
Look, either he leaves the group
or I do.
118
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:12,268
You just dug your own grave.
119
00:06:24,617 --> 00:06:27,279
Hey, what's up?
120
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,853
They kicked me out of the group.
Whoa.
121
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:33,025
Wanna buy some cookies?
Ten bucks a box.
122
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,921
Crap, damn it.
123
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:37,954
Have you seen a Chinese kid?
124
00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:45,431
Twerps.
125
00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:51,835
Oh, hey, Pierce. How is it going?
126
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:55,539
Unrepentant child.
Such a child.
127
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:57,739
Oh, here comes
stinky turd face.
128
00:06:57,950 --> 00:06:59,747
Remember,
we don't stop till he's crying.
129
00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:02,750
Oh, check out Franken-mom.
Oh, we can use that.
130
00:07:02,955 --> 00:07:05,287
And no wedding ring.
He's a child of divorce.
131
00:07:05,491 --> 00:07:08,790
We can make fun of him
for coming from a broken home.
132
00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:11,293
I don't care if this gets dirty.
He asked for it.
133
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,224
You're right.
134
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,663
Get ready to meet
Jeff Winger, esquire,
135
00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:17,893
attorney at "Ah, snap."
136
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,428
It will be better than that.
137
00:07:21,140 --> 00:07:24,974
Hey, Clearasil, what time
is your mommy picking you up?
138
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:28,272
After she's done shooting The Real
Housewives of Greendale County?
139
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:32,777
"After she's done shooting The Real
Housewives of Greendale County. " Duh!
140
00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:34,780
That's a clever retort.
141
00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:37,080
"That's a clever retort." Duh!
142
00:07:37,690 --> 00:07:39,487
Brilliant.
"Brilliant." Duh!
143
00:07:39,692 --> 00:07:40,920
Your parents are divorced.
144
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:44,494
"Your parents are divorced." Duh!
145
00:07:44,697 --> 00:07:46,790
Pfft!
Duh!
146
00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:48,057
Schmitty.
147
00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:49,359
Forget it, come on.
148
00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:52,299
Come on, forget this. Duh!
149
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:55,770
Where you going, schmitty?
I'm sorry, little schmitty.
150
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:58,239
Mimicry is the lowest form...
Stop talking.
151
00:07:58,444 --> 00:08:01,311
"Mimicry is the lowest form of..."
Stop talking.
152
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,811
Hi.
Hey, you two.
153
00:08:07,019 --> 00:08:08,145
What is that?
154
00:08:08,354 --> 00:08:09,946
It's Billy,
City College's mascot.
155
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:13,148
Stealing a mascot was part of the list.
Check.
156
00:08:13,359 --> 00:08:16,294
Bringing a goat to our study group,
that's a great idea, Troy.
157
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,555
Thanks, must have been hard
for you to say that.
158
00:08:18,764 --> 00:08:22,359
It's called sarcasm, Troy.
Ask the goat to explain it to you.
159
00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:27,231
Why do I feel like I'm being dissed?
Because you are being dissed.
160
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,170
Why are you two dissing Troy?
They no longer have Pierce.
161
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,144
What?
162
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:35,712
Pierce's universally recognized social flaws
made him the scapegoat, a lightning rod.
163
00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:37,507
Now he's gone, so there's
lightning everywhere.
164
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:40,015
Sounds dangerous.
My uncle was struck by lightning.
165
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:43,518
You'd think it'd give superpowers, but
now he just masturbates in theaters.
166
00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:44,712
It's very dangerous.
167
00:08:44,924 --> 00:08:47,222
We've lost our Cliff Clavin,
our George Costanza,
168
00:08:47,426 --> 00:08:50,725
our Turtle or Johnny Drama
or Eve.
169
00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:52,056
Man, that show is sloppy.
170
00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:53,254
What's gonna happen?
171
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:56,333
It's only a matter of time before
one of us becomes the new Pierce.
172
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:59,027
Well, I sure as hell am not
gonna be the new Pierce.
173
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,799
And if all we
need is an escape-goat,
174
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:07,036
I think
we should just let this one go.
175
00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:09,077
Sometimes,
you've got to be pretending, Troy.
176
00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:11,375
Maybe the new Pierce is Britta.
Yeah, right.
177
00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:13,176
How do you
pronounce bagel again?
178
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:16,287
Bagel.
She calls bagels, bagels.
179
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:18,616
We do make fun of a lot
of what you do and say.
180
00:09:18,824 --> 00:09:21,384
Yeah, right to my face,
because I can take it,
181
00:09:21,594 --> 00:09:23,289
unlike a certain someone else.
182
00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:26,991
Ah. Ah.
183
00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:29,633
Let's not make fun of Annie.
No, no.
184
00:09:29,835 --> 00:09:33,464
I don't want pity. Come to think of it,
after Pierce, you're the most bigoted.
185
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:35,300
What?
You found out I was Jewish,
186
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:38,710
you invited me to a "pool" party.
Turned out to be a baptism.
187
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,970
Excuse me for trying
to sneak you into heaven.
188
00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:43,080
What about Abed? Abed's weird.
189
00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:48,084
No, that's not it.
He's all right, we like Abed.
190
00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:52,280
Guys, have you considered
the new Pierce concept is stupid?
191
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:56,085
Spoken like the new Pierce.
You're right.
192
00:09:56,295 --> 00:09:58,286
I am not the new Pierce.
You are too.
193
00:09:58,497 --> 00:10:00,226
You said "the World Wide Web."
194
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,128
Damn the old Pierce.
He makes me mad.
195
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,633
Don't double Pierce me.
You're the triple Pierce.
196
00:10:04,837 --> 00:10:06,429
That's so unfair.
Guys, guys.
197
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:09,506
I can't believe
I'm gonna utter these words,
198
00:10:09,709 --> 00:10:11,768
but we need Pierce
in this group.
199
00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:15,937
But we can't ask Shirley to let him
back in, that would be so insensitive.
200
00:10:16,148 --> 00:10:17,740
Well, maybe he'll admit
he's wrong.
201
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:21,909
Two, three, four, uh, not.
202
00:10:26,425 --> 00:10:27,414
We need Pierce.
203
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:30,095
Just stick to the
script and make it sincere.
204
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,787
It's not gonna be sincere,
I'm pretending to apologize.
205
00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:36,025
Okay, but you're not getting back into the
group unless she thinks you're sincere.
206
00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:39,068
Stubborn fool.
Can we, um, hurry this up?
207
00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:41,239
Troy and I are pledging
the cool fraternity.
208
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:44,136
Unbeknownst to us, we're the target of ridicule
and don't have a chance of getting in.
209
00:10:44,343 --> 00:10:46,937
Yeah. They're making us walk
around with pretzels in our butts.
210
00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,773
I put mustard on mine like an idiot.
211
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:53,008
Okay, Pierce, you can do this.
212
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,220
What's he...?
213
00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:11,134
Yup.
214
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:14,738
Shirley, I know you don't
wanna hear what I have to say,
215
00:11:14,940 --> 00:11:16,066
but I owe you this.
216
00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:18,140
From the moment we first
met, I knew you...
217
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,572
Seriously.
218
00:11:21,647 --> 00:11:25,549
Oh. Oh, Shirley. Ha, ha.
I could have...
219
00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:27,651
You are unbelievable.
220
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:30,253
I'm not wearing contacts.
These are mine, give them.
221
00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:32,515
But I'm a bag guy.
You have the same bag.
222
00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:35,057
So I thought, you know...
Right, nothing is ever your fault.
223
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:36,956
Screw you.
I don't owe you an apology.
224
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:38,721
They wrote this.
225
00:11:41,967 --> 00:11:44,367
Pretend like you asleep,
pretend like you asleep.
226
00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:48,968
Thank you, now I fully understand
where I have always stood.
227
00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:53,236
I'm entitled to my pride until it gets
in the way of what you guys want.
228
00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:55,141
Got nothing to say?
229
00:11:55,347 --> 00:11:57,907
Well, I do. I'm out of the group.
230
00:11:58,117 --> 00:11:59,550
What? Shirley.
231
00:11:59,752 --> 00:12:02,220
Shirley, please.
Oh, Shirley, don't go, please.
232
00:12:02,421 --> 00:12:04,446
Uh-oh. Sassy black schmitty's
out of the group.
233
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:06,488
Oh, no, not the group.
234
00:12:06,692 --> 00:12:08,353
Poor, sad, little schmitties.
235
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:11,086
Can't all of us little schmitties
get along?
236
00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:14,594
Would you please hurry up?
I am late for my bikini wax.
237
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,290
Hurry, please.
Who was that?
238
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:18,663
A punk-ass
who needs to be destroyed.
239
00:12:18,871 --> 00:12:20,395
And I just figured out how.
240
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:24,371
Can we focus on what's important here?
Shirley thinks we don't care about her.
241
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,637
No, no, you're right. You're right.
That's totally more important.
242
00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:31,715
I just thought of one thing.
You need to bang that kid's mom.
243
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,976
Um, after we fix everything
with Shirley.
244
00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:37,314
Whoa! Yes, yes, yes, we'll deal
with Shirley. But that's brilliant!
245
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:39,787
I know because then anything
he says about you...
246
00:12:39,992 --> 00:12:42,051
He'll be saying to a dude
that banged his mom.
247
00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:43,558
Oh, my God, you guys.
248
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,458
Sorry, Shirley.
Shirley.
249
00:12:46,465 --> 00:12:47,625
Okay.
Yes!
250
00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:08,812
All right, bye, everybody.
Have a great day.
251
00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:11,251
Be right here at 3:00, please.
I'll be in a hurry.
252
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,728
Excuse me.
253
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:17,953
Sorry to bother you.
254
00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:20,792
You don't happen to have an extra
bottle of sports drink, do you?
255
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,729
Actually, I do, here you go.
256
00:13:22,935 --> 00:13:25,631
Oh, thanks, got to hydrate, right?
257
00:13:25,838 --> 00:13:27,829
But obviously you know.
You work out.
258
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,440
Well, I try to keep things
where they should be.
259
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,770
I think I might be
where should I be.
260
00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:39,108
I don't know about your robot, Abed.
261
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:40,307
Boobatron's great.
262
00:13:40,519 --> 00:13:43,420
Once someone spills bong water
on his circuitry and he comes alive,
263
00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:45,783
he's gonna make us the coolest
guys on campus, help us get babes.
264
00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:49,358
Those are real babes
who will really laugh at us.
265
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:52,190
Hey, you're my friend, right?
266
00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:54,866
Friends are supposed to help
each other no matter what.
267
00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:58,096
Okay.
268
00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:00,932
Ridiculous situation descending
into heavy-handed drama
269
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:03,404
for the illusion of story, check.
270
00:14:05,144 --> 00:14:07,510
What? That was awesome.
271
00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:10,045
All right, I am back in.
Cool.
272
00:14:10,249 --> 00:14:11,841
All right.
273
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:18,685
Just so you know, I'm Shirley.
274
00:14:18,891 --> 00:14:22,554
Wouldn't want you reaching for me should
you get a hankering for pancakes.
275
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:27,760
I'm old and I do not see well.
And you already won, so shut it.
276
00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:29,730
I won? Oh, no,
they want you in the group.
277
00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:31,562
I quit. So you go ahead,
hang with them.
278
00:14:31,770 --> 00:14:35,206
No, thanks, I'm sick of the way
that group treats me.
279
00:14:35,407 --> 00:14:36,874
Preaching to the choir.
280
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:40,170
Tell you what I'm not gonna miss.
Abed and Troy's silly games.
281
00:14:40,779 --> 00:14:44,237
Grow up already. Ha.
By the way, thanks for including me.
282
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:47,908
Please. You think Annie and Britta invite me
when they take those weekend trips to the mall?
283
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:50,281
They just think of me
as some sort of mom.
284
00:14:50,489 --> 00:14:53,322
They need to learn manners.
Annie needs to stop dating Vaughn.
285
00:14:53,525 --> 00:14:56,016
He's cute, but he's not the boy
I envisioned her ending up with.
286
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:59,755
No matter how hard you try, you can
never be as cool or funny as they are.
287
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:03,298
It's called respect
and no one ever gave me diddly.
288
00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:05,265
Except me.
289
00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:08,498
I respect you more
than anyone else in the group.
290
00:15:08,707 --> 00:15:10,538
Which is why you pantsed me?
291
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:13,576
Well, but you see,
that wasn't wrong.
292
00:15:13,779 --> 00:15:17,715
Oh, for heaven's sake, you are such
an arrogant, self-righteous ass.
293
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,681
And you are a strong, dignified woman
who's raising a family.
294
00:15:20,886 --> 00:15:23,377
A bigger accomplishment
than anybody else in that room.
295
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:26,422
And nobody can ever strip you of that,
not even me.
296
00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:28,994
You really believe that?
Yes.
297
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:31,554
And that's why you think
pantsing me wasn't wrong?
298
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:32,958
It wasn't.
299
00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:44,434
What are you doing?!
300
00:15:44,643 --> 00:15:45,940
Did I misread that?
301
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:51,580
Oh, here, let me just do that.
302
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,342
You sure
you don't want some vodka?
303
00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:54,917
Oh, I'm good, I'm good.
304
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,611
I'm at school at 2:00 p.m.
305
00:15:57,823 --> 00:16:00,792
Did someone just take a schmitty?
306
00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:04,429
Hey, looks like you'll be calling
somebody daddy soon.
307
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:08,623
Or at least your mom will be tonight.
308
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:20,036
Dude, you are so pathetic.
Mark!
309
00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:21,872
Mom, I've been pwning this loser.
310
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:24,049
He thinks he can get back at me
through you.
311
00:16:24,249 --> 00:16:26,877
What? Pwning?
Pwning.
312
00:16:27,419 --> 00:16:29,080
He doesn't even know
what that means?
313
00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:31,222
Heh, heh.
I see what's going on here.
314
00:16:31,423 --> 00:16:33,653
Look, I don't want to come
between a son
315
00:16:33,859 --> 00:16:36,384
and his beautiful, vivacious mom.
316
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,555
Oh, my God, you are pathetic.
317
00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:41,289
Yeah, so is the whore in on it.
318
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:42,990
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
319
00:16:43,235 --> 00:16:47,399
I gotta tell you, Chantel, you have
raised a terrible human being.
320
00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:51,107
We're better than this.
No, you're not.
321
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:56,748
I raised a winner who will continue to
crush junior college losers like you.
322
00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:59,816
Oh, schmitty.
Schmitty!
323
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:03,250
I'm sorry, it's a matter of pride.
324
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:09,418
What are you looking at?
"What are you looking at?" Duh!
325
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,524
"What are you looking at?" Duh.
326
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:18,665
Duh!
Ha, ha.
327
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,236
School his ass, Mark.
328
00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:23,840
"School his ass, Mark." Duh.
329
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,203
Ah, leh, leh, leh.
330
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:27,276
Duh.
Duh, duh, duh!
331
00:17:27,479 --> 00:17:29,606
Duh. Duh, duh, duh.
332
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:46,530
Why are Jeff and Britta making fun
of those handicapped kids?
333
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,064
They don't even realize
how much they need us.
334
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:12,784
Why are they doing this?
335
00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:16,552
I don't know if you've noticed, but Jeff and Britta
have the two most fragile egos of the group.
336
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:19,322
Losing to these kids
will pretty much destroy them.
337
00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:27,798
Hey! Whoa!
338
00:18:28,006 --> 00:18:29,633
What are you, a priest?
339
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,605
What are you doing?
What the hell?
340
00:18:32,377 --> 00:18:34,675
Hey, you didn't say, "Duh."
We win.
341
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,075
No.
You're the schmitties!
342
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:39,307
No, no, we're minors.
Yeah.
343
00:18:39,518 --> 00:18:40,576
I'm calling the cops.
344
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,219
No, you're not.
345
00:18:42,421 --> 00:18:45,254
You have already embarrassed me
by getting pwned.
346
00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:47,689
Don't be such a girl, now go.
347
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,193
Yeah, see that.
Yes, suck it!
348
00:18:50,395 --> 00:18:51,589
Schmitty face!
349
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,992
We showed you, high schoolers!
Suck it!
350
00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:57,327
Congratulations
on your victory.
351
00:18:58,103 --> 00:19:00,401
Thank you, Annie.
Yeah, thank you.
352
00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:02,437
And thanks, you guys.
Any time.
353
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:05,132
Look, Pierce and I are
considering rejoining the group.
354
00:19:05,344 --> 00:19:08,370
And maybe we can all be
a little more mature.
355
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:09,877
I hear that.
356
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:11,709
Abed, I've had enough
of this list.
357
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:13,942
Doing this stuff isn't fun.
It feels forced.
358
00:19:14,453 --> 00:19:16,648
Fine, I'll deactivate Boobatron.
359
00:19:16,855 --> 00:19:20,689
Trust me, classic college experiences
never happen organically.
360
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:28,864
Food fight!
Food fight!
361
00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:30,056
Oh, no.
362
00:20:26,825 --> 00:20:30,386
Are you sure it's the name of my grade
school and my favorite soft drink?
363
00:20:30,596 --> 00:20:34,362
Yup, pretty sure.
George Washington Lemon Fresco.
364
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:35,863
That's a horrible porn name.
365
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,797
I don't make the rules.
What's yours?
366
00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:40,233
Henry David Thoreau Diet Squirt.
Oh, that's good.
367
00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:42,498
Hello, Henry David Thoreau
Diet Squirt.
368
00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:45,541
How many pornos have you been in?
Six thousand and 12.
369
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:48,872
How many pornos have you been in?
Two thousand and 19.
370
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,072
It's my first week.
Impressive.
371
00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:53,012
Thank you.
You're welcome.
372
00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:57,145
Someone here order a pizza?
373
00:20:58,457 --> 00:20:59,651
Is it you guys?
374
00:20:59,858 --> 00:21:01,257
It has extra sausage.
375
00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:03,189
No.
376
00:21:03,395 --> 00:21:05,886
It's big and hot.
That's my pizza.
377
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:09,761
But you took longer than 30 minutes
so I'm not paying.