1
00:00:11,701 --> 00:00:13,302
He's the one trying
to bring back disco.
2
00:00:13,370 --> 00:00:15,671
I don't have to be old
to know it's not gonna happen.
3
00:00:15,739 --> 00:00:17,840
[humming]
4
00:00:17,908 --> 00:00:20,976
What it is, soul brother.
5
00:00:21,044 --> 00:00:22,259
My boys are gonna make me
breakfast in bed
6
00:00:22,327 --> 00:00:23,824
for Mother's Day.
7
00:00:23,892 --> 00:00:25,462
Well, actually, I'm gonna make
the breakfast and get in bed,
8
00:00:25,530 --> 00:00:26,493
but they're gonna bring it to me.
9
00:00:26,561 --> 00:00:28,329
- Aw.
- Oh, I know!
10
00:00:28,397 --> 00:00:29,930
And then they said
the cutest thing last night.
11
00:00:29,998 --> 00:00:32,297
They said, "mama",
'cause they call me mama...
12
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:33,700
Well, if you're gonna be
the fun police...
13
00:00:33,768 --> 00:00:35,105
Okay, well, if I'm the fun police,
14
00:00:35,176 --> 00:00:36,344
then you're director
of Funland security.
15
00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:37,746
Group: Ugh!
16
00:00:37,814 --> 00:00:40,324
- Oh, good, more of this.
- More of what?
17
00:00:40,391 --> 00:00:42,092
What do you think?
The constant bickering.
18
00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:45,169
It was cute at first, but...
Well, Abed explains it best.
19
00:00:45,239 --> 00:00:47,240
To be blunt, Jeff and Britta
is no Ross and Rachel.
20
00:00:47,308 --> 00:00:48,742
Your sexual tension
and lack of chemistry
21
00:00:48,809 --> 00:00:50,677
are putting us all on edge,
which is why, ironically...
22
00:00:50,745 --> 00:00:52,078
And hear this on every level...
23
00:00:52,146 --> 00:00:53,414
You're keeping us from being friends.
24
00:00:53,482 --> 00:00:55,882
Jeff and I do not have sexual tension.
25
00:00:55,950 --> 00:00:57,885
We just argue all the time.
26
00:00:57,953 --> 00:01:00,554
Oh, just like Sam and Diane.
I hated Sam and Diane.
27
00:01:00,622 --> 00:01:02,156
Who are Sam and Diane?
28
00:01:02,224 --> 00:01:03,924
Okay, we get it.
You're young! Sorry.
29
00:01:03,992 --> 00:01:05,359
You see what you're doing to us?
30
00:01:05,427 --> 00:01:06,560
Want my advice?
31
00:01:06,628 --> 00:01:08,762
Pork her and move on.
32
00:01:08,830 --> 00:01:10,097
We did it all the time in my day.
33
00:01:10,164 --> 00:01:11,831
Yeah, well, you also
put hydrogen in blimps,
34
00:01:11,899 --> 00:01:13,499
and that was bad.
35
00:01:13,567 --> 00:01:15,969
Hey, everybody.
Just a reminder.
36
00:01:16,036 --> 00:01:18,574
Our spring fling is on the quad today.
37
00:01:18,642 --> 00:01:21,110
Music, food, activities.
What, what?
38
00:01:21,178 --> 00:01:22,812
Ha. He makes me uncomfortable.
39
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:24,814
Mm. Still in the room.
40
00:01:24,882 --> 00:01:28,454
There's also going to be a
game of paintball assassin
41
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,423
with a prize for last man standing.
42
00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:32,459
Or last man in a wheelchair
with no paint on him.
43
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:35,097
- Or last woman.
- Give it a rest, Britta.
44
00:01:35,164 --> 00:01:36,499
Ugh! What's the prize?
45
00:01:36,566 --> 00:01:39,636
It was a Blu-ray DVD player,
but it was stolen.
46
00:01:39,704 --> 00:01:41,740
So now it's TBD.
47
00:01:41,807 --> 00:01:43,676
I want TBD. Is that new?
48
00:01:43,744 --> 00:01:44,911
If it's what I think,
49
00:01:44,978 --> 00:01:46,346
I had it for about a month in the '70s.
50
00:01:46,414 --> 00:01:47,615
Let's get back to Britta and Jeff.
51
00:01:47,682 --> 00:01:49,851
There's no Britta and Jeff.
52
00:01:49,918 --> 00:01:51,320
He said, fully erect.
53
00:01:51,388 --> 00:01:53,089
Well, I'm gonna let
you guys figure this out
54
00:01:53,157 --> 00:01:55,859
while I go take a nap in my car.
55
00:02:00,199 --> 00:02:01,466
What are you waiting for?
56
00:02:01,534 --> 00:02:02,467
[humming]
57
00:02:02,535 --> 00:02:03,635
Unh!
58
00:02:28,031 --> 00:02:38,031
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
59
00:02:38,032 --> 00:02:43,032
Corrected by 4be1
www.addic7ed.com
60
00:02:43,783 --> 00:02:46,152
What the hell?
61
00:02:50,458 --> 00:02:52,725
[exotic bird cries]
62
00:02:55,629 --> 00:02:58,565
[wind howling]
63
00:03:00,168 --> 00:03:03,037
Hello?
64
00:03:03,104 --> 00:03:04,938
[man groans]
65
00:03:07,175 --> 00:03:09,376
[moaning]
66
00:03:09,444 --> 00:03:11,545
What is going on?
67
00:03:11,613 --> 00:03:14,214
The paintball game was... was starting,
68
00:03:14,282 --> 00:03:16,116
And the... and the dean...
69
00:03:16,184 --> 00:03:18,086
The dean announced
70
00:03:18,153 --> 00:03:19,221
th... the prize.
71
00:03:19,289 --> 00:03:21,423
The prize!
72
00:03:21,491 --> 00:03:24,627
We... we turned on
each other like... like animals!
73
00:03:24,695 --> 00:03:26,696
- What was the prize?
- Was?
74
00:03:26,764 --> 00:03:28,966
This is not over!
75
00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:31,402
This is still happening... right now!
76
00:03:31,470 --> 00:03:32,904
Aah!
77
00:03:32,971 --> 00:03:33,972
Leonard?
78
00:03:34,039 --> 00:03:36,808
Leonard, I'm not playing!
79
00:03:36,876 --> 00:03:38,610
Everyone's playing!
80
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:39,677
[paintball gunshot]
81
00:03:50,022 --> 00:03:51,122
Aw...
82
00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:53,157
You suck!
83
00:03:53,225 --> 00:03:54,459
[gun thuds]
84
00:03:57,997 --> 00:04:01,400
Come with me if you don't
want paint on your clothes.
85
00:04:03,336 --> 00:04:04,269
[beep]
86
00:04:04,337 --> 00:04:06,471
[door thuds]
87
00:04:06,539 --> 00:04:08,740
[crow cry]
88
00:04:08,808 --> 00:04:11,877
Hey. Look what I found
wandering the neutral zone.
89
00:04:13,379 --> 00:04:15,013
Jeff Winger.
90
00:04:15,081 --> 00:04:17,682
[laughing] You son of a bitch!
91
00:04:17,750 --> 00:04:21,087
I thought you were dead, man!
92
00:04:21,154 --> 00:04:24,658
I was just taking a nap.
Has everyone lost their mind?
93
00:04:24,725 --> 00:04:26,493
It's just a game of paintball.
94
00:04:26,561 --> 00:04:28,929
Yeah. With one rule:
Last man standing gets the prize.
95
00:04:28,997 --> 00:04:30,598
[softly] The prize.
96
00:04:30,665 --> 00:04:32,033
The prize.
97
00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:34,902
What is this prize?
98
00:04:36,572 --> 00:04:39,206
You don't know.
99
00:04:39,274 --> 00:04:40,541
Priority registration.
100
00:04:40,609 --> 00:04:42,443
Priority registration.
101
00:04:42,511 --> 00:04:47,281
That's why everyone's
running around like a bunch...
102
00:04:47,349 --> 00:04:48,983
Does that mean what I think it means?
103
00:04:49,050 --> 00:04:50,785
Like you could have first choice
104
00:04:50,852 --> 00:04:52,887
of your classes next semester?
105
00:04:55,223 --> 00:04:56,457
Easy, sugar bear.
106
00:04:56,525 --> 00:04:58,325
Yeah, but you could schedule
107
00:04:58,393 --> 00:05:00,862
All your classes on a Monday
and then take a six-day weekend.
108
00:05:00,929 --> 00:05:02,664
You could do a lot of things.
109
00:05:02,732 --> 00:05:04,967
Talk him through the hunger, Abed.
110
00:05:05,034 --> 00:05:06,535
Every student wants that prize, Jeff.
111
00:05:06,603 --> 00:05:07,736
And there's no way to share it,
112
00:05:07,804 --> 00:05:09,371
so we'll eventually
all turn on each other.
113
00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:11,073
But the longer we
wait to do that... Jeff!
114
00:05:11,141 --> 00:05:14,076
The longer we work together,
the longer we last.
115
00:05:14,144 --> 00:05:15,477
Is everyone running in packs?
116
00:05:15,545 --> 00:05:16,578
The debate team was the first to do it,
117
00:05:16,646 --> 00:05:17,779
but they fell to infighting.
118
00:05:17,847 --> 00:05:19,482
They say the Glee Club
is luring stragglers
119
00:05:19,549 --> 00:05:22,217
into sniper traps with cheery
renditions of hit songs.
120
00:05:22,285 --> 00:05:24,386
Really? And people fall for that?
121
00:05:24,454 --> 00:05:26,221
- [quietly] Yeah.
- I mean, I'm all for winning,
122
00:05:26,289 --> 00:05:28,456
but let's not resort to cheap ploys.
123
00:05:31,493 --> 00:05:33,261
Are the girls in the game?
124
00:05:33,328 --> 00:05:35,763
- You mean Britta?
- No, I don't mean Britta.
125
00:05:35,831 --> 00:05:38,599
Did I say Britta? Twice now.
126
00:05:38,667 --> 00:05:40,234
Chess Club!
127
00:05:40,302 --> 00:05:42,336
[whispers] No, no, no!
128
00:05:42,404 --> 00:05:44,906
He's a pawn.
129
00:05:53,816 --> 00:05:56,017
Checkmate, bitches.
130
00:05:56,085 --> 00:05:57,118
[all grunting]
131
00:06:00,990 --> 00:06:02,257
And tell the Drama Club
132
00:06:02,324 --> 00:06:04,359
their tears will be real today.
133
00:06:04,426 --> 00:06:07,261
[Troy chortles, paintball gun fires]
134
00:06:07,329 --> 00:06:09,797
No, that's all sugar, man!
Get some protein.
135
00:06:09,865 --> 00:06:11,465
- Right here. Peanuts.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
136
00:06:11,533 --> 00:06:12,899
Peanuts, peanuts.
137
00:06:12,967 --> 00:06:14,968
No, take the stuff out closer to you!
138
00:06:15,036 --> 00:06:17,270
No, no. The ones in the
back are the freshest.
139
00:06:17,338 --> 00:06:19,806
That'll keep us going. Yeah.
140
00:06:19,874 --> 00:06:23,076
- Hey! What the hell?
- I got you covered, bro.
141
00:06:23,144 --> 00:06:25,812
You guys formed an alliance without me?
142
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,914
Yeah. You with Star-Burns?
143
00:06:27,982 --> 00:06:29,983
Not if I can be with you.
144
00:06:30,051 --> 00:06:32,485
[pop] Ow!
145
00:06:32,553 --> 00:06:34,053
Ha. It's just Star-Burns.
146
00:06:34,121 --> 00:06:35,221
Anyone else need a pee break?
147
00:06:35,288 --> 00:06:36,756
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
148
00:06:36,824 --> 00:06:38,391
- Hey.
- Hey.
149
00:06:38,459 --> 00:06:40,426
I'll stand guard.
I don't need to pee.
150
00:06:40,494 --> 00:06:42,227
I'm wearing a diaper for the game.
151
00:06:42,295 --> 00:06:44,530
Jeff: Oh, yeah. "For the game".
152
00:06:47,167 --> 00:06:48,634
Hey, guys, make this quick
153
00:06:48,702 --> 00:06:51,137
before Pierce's chewing
attracts enemies.
154
00:07:11,592 --> 00:07:13,126
Um, guys?
155
00:07:13,194 --> 00:07:14,861
- Hold it!
- Don't move!
156
00:07:14,929 --> 00:07:16,429
Drop it!
157
00:07:16,497 --> 00:07:17,429
[overlapping yelling]
158
00:07:17,497 --> 00:07:20,499
Freeze, mamma jamma!
159
00:07:28,124 --> 00:07:30,593
All right, everybody be cool.
160
00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:32,161
We can beat the others
if we merge alliances.
161
00:07:32,229 --> 00:07:33,662
We're doing fine on our own.
162
00:07:33,730 --> 00:07:35,698
Yeah? You gonna win the whole
game camped on a crapper?
163
00:07:35,766 --> 00:07:36,733
- Worked on you.
- Did it?
164
00:07:36,801 --> 00:07:37,934
Or do you have a gun in your face?
165
00:07:38,002 --> 00:07:39,736
- Yeah, kinda matches yours.
- Nice comeback.
166
00:07:39,804 --> 00:07:41,237
All: Shut up!
167
00:07:41,305 --> 00:07:44,374
- Jeez!
- Jeez!
168
00:07:44,442 --> 00:07:48,579
[exotic bird cry]
169
00:07:52,450 --> 00:07:55,486
Okay. So the agreement is we're allies
170
00:07:55,554 --> 00:07:57,955
until we're sure we're
the last seven standing.
171
00:07:59,792 --> 00:08:01,426
You thinking what I'm thinking?
172
00:08:01,494 --> 00:08:04,296
Mm-hmm. Our team's
walking with God.
173
00:08:04,363 --> 00:08:06,765
I'm thinking we might already
be the only seven left,
174
00:08:06,832 --> 00:08:08,867
in which case, this is a
window for the two of us
175
00:08:08,935 --> 00:08:10,202
to take out the others.
176
00:08:10,269 --> 00:08:11,903
Real nice, Troy.
177
00:08:11,971 --> 00:08:13,538
That'd be great PR
for the black students.
178
00:08:13,606 --> 00:08:16,374
I am not an ambassador.
179
00:08:16,442 --> 00:08:18,243
I am gladiator.
180
00:08:18,310 --> 00:08:20,612
Now, you want to win or not?
181
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:22,747
Oh... Oh!
182
00:08:22,815 --> 00:08:25,216
Troy made God mad!
183
00:08:25,284 --> 00:08:27,352
Take cover!
184
00:08:29,188 --> 00:08:33,057
Run, Pierce!
185
00:08:33,125 --> 00:08:35,126
♪ La la la... ♪
186
00:08:35,193 --> 00:08:37,996
♪ La la la la la la la la la... ♪
187
00:08:38,063 --> 00:08:39,197
Glee Club.
188
00:08:39,265 --> 00:08:40,398
How do you know it's the Glee Club?
189
00:08:40,466 --> 00:08:41,499
Listen.
190
00:08:41,566 --> 00:08:44,468
- [harmonizing] ♪ La... ♪
- ♪ La... ♪
191
00:08:44,536 --> 00:08:45,937
♪ Hit me with your best shot. ♪
192
00:08:46,004 --> 00:08:47,404
Oh, brother!
193
00:08:47,472 --> 00:08:49,106
♪ Why don't you hit me
with your best shot. ♪
194
00:08:49,174 --> 00:08:51,909
That is so uninspired!
195
00:08:51,976 --> 00:08:53,477
I'm not so sure.
196
00:08:55,346 --> 00:08:57,748
I got a plan. Get ready.
197
00:08:57,816 --> 00:08:59,649
Hey, Pierce.
198
00:08:59,717 --> 00:09:01,651
Don't come over here, okay?
199
00:09:01,719 --> 00:09:04,520
Screw you!
I'm coming over there.
200
00:09:07,657 --> 00:09:09,825
Medic!
201
00:09:09,892 --> 00:09:12,595
In the trees! There!
202
00:09:23,441 --> 00:09:26,811
Write some original songs!
203
00:09:26,878 --> 00:09:29,848
What are you guys gonna do
204
00:09:29,916 --> 00:09:31,650
if you win priority registration?
205
00:09:31,718 --> 00:09:34,019
I'll make my schedule airtight.
206
00:09:34,086 --> 00:09:36,488
Maybe get out of here in
three years instead of four.
207
00:09:36,555 --> 00:09:39,825
I'd take any class with
no tests and no papers.
208
00:09:39,892 --> 00:09:42,562
What would you do, Shirley?
209
00:09:42,629 --> 00:09:44,631
I'd choose all morning classes
210
00:09:44,698 --> 00:09:47,434
so I could get home early to
spend some time with my boys.
211
00:09:47,501 --> 00:09:50,003
It's hard being away from them so much.
212
00:09:50,070 --> 00:09:51,304
You know what?
213
00:09:51,372 --> 00:09:53,306
I say if any of us win the prize,
214
00:09:53,374 --> 00:09:55,208
we give it to Shirley
as a Mother's Day gift.
215
00:09:55,276 --> 00:09:57,411
- Absolutely.
- What?
216
00:09:57,478 --> 00:09:58,745
Abed, you don't have to do that.
217
00:09:58,813 --> 00:10:00,814
I am so sick of you guilting people
218
00:10:00,882 --> 00:10:02,716
with your phony humanitarian schtick.
219
00:10:02,784 --> 00:10:05,219
Phony? When I win,
you can watch me do it.
220
00:10:05,286 --> 00:10:06,420
Of course you'll do it,
221
00:10:06,488 --> 00:10:07,688
but that won't make it less phony.
222
00:10:07,755 --> 00:10:09,089
You know, you'd be
a lot more likeable...
223
00:10:09,157 --> 00:10:10,557
If I never did anything
for anybody ever?
224
00:10:10,625 --> 00:10:12,159
Yeah. Because when you help people,
225
00:10:12,226 --> 00:10:14,328
that always turns out great.
226
00:10:14,395 --> 00:10:16,062
Let's do it.
227
00:10:17,265 --> 00:10:18,498
[door squeaks]
228
00:10:18,566 --> 00:10:19,699
Shh!
229
00:10:19,767 --> 00:10:21,167
[sing-song] Study group!
230
00:10:21,235 --> 00:10:23,970
Come out and play!
231
00:10:24,038 --> 00:10:26,640
Oh, look, it's post-ironic Disco Stu...
232
00:10:26,707 --> 00:10:28,341
You still trying to bring it back?
233
00:10:28,409 --> 00:10:30,076
Hi! [laughing]
234
00:10:30,144 --> 00:10:31,344
Wha-ha!
235
00:10:31,411 --> 00:10:33,613
Damn, he brought it back.
236
00:10:33,681 --> 00:10:34,947
[paintball gunshots]
237
00:10:35,015 --> 00:10:36,081
Ooh!
238
00:10:36,149 --> 00:10:37,216
Aah!
239
00:10:37,284 --> 00:10:38,417
Can you... Aah?
240
00:10:38,485 --> 00:10:40,519
- The Lord is my shepherd...
- Ugh!
241
00:10:40,587 --> 00:10:42,088
I shall not want.
[paintball gunshot]
242
00:10:43,357 --> 00:10:44,657
[paintball gunshot] Aah!
243
00:10:44,725 --> 00:10:46,058
Whoo!
244
00:10:46,126 --> 00:10:47,126
Here we come!
245
00:10:47,194 --> 00:10:48,127
[gun clicks]
246
00:10:48,195 --> 00:10:49,228
Three stooges gonna...
247
00:10:49,296 --> 00:10:50,363
[paintball gunshots]
248
00:10:50,431 --> 00:10:52,398
Aah!
249
00:10:52,466 --> 00:10:55,602
They shot us!
Waste of time, waste of time!
250
00:10:55,670 --> 00:10:57,672
Let's go, fool!
251
00:11:00,142 --> 00:11:03,311
[paintball gunshots, skaters screaming]
252
00:11:04,513 --> 00:11:06,481
The last guy almost got me.
253
00:11:08,284 --> 00:11:11,186
[poignant guitar music]
254
00:11:12,388 --> 00:11:13,455
My legs.
255
00:11:17,527 --> 00:11:20,728
Oh, Shirley, I'm so sorry.
256
00:11:20,796 --> 00:11:23,232
I'm going home, Britta.
257
00:11:23,299 --> 00:11:24,866
I know, Shirley, I know.
258
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,935
No, seriously, I'm going home.
259
00:11:27,003 --> 00:11:27,936
Can you help me up?
260
00:11:28,003 --> 00:11:29,770
Oh. Yeah, sure.
261
00:11:31,406 --> 00:11:32,406
Oh!
262
00:11:45,551 --> 00:11:46,951
Shirley, I'm gonna win that prize
263
00:11:47,019 --> 00:11:47,985
for you and your boys.
264
00:11:48,053 --> 00:11:49,420
That's nice.
265
00:11:49,488 --> 00:11:51,256
Shirley, I'm gonna win that prize,
266
00:11:51,323 --> 00:11:52,390
but not for you and your boys.
267
00:11:52,458 --> 00:11:54,459
That's less nice.
268
00:11:54,527 --> 00:11:57,128
Oh, my God, you've been hit.
269
00:11:57,196 --> 00:11:58,663
What? Oh, no.
270
00:11:58,731 --> 00:11:59,664
Wait, wait.
271
00:11:59,732 --> 00:12:01,399
[relieved sigh]
272
00:12:01,467 --> 00:12:03,168
It's blood.
273
00:12:03,235 --> 00:12:05,737
I thought it was paint,
but I'm just bleeding.
274
00:12:05,805 --> 00:12:08,940
Talk about luck, ooh.
275
00:12:09,008 --> 00:12:11,944
I can't believe this
game is still going on.
276
00:12:12,011 --> 00:12:13,178
It's 2:00 a.m.!
277
00:12:13,246 --> 00:12:14,447
What if someone gets hurt
278
00:12:14,514 --> 00:12:15,682
and the police come?
279
00:12:15,749 --> 00:12:17,317
They'll think I'm a bad dean!
280
00:12:17,385 --> 00:12:19,887
There's classes in the morning.
281
00:12:19,954 --> 00:12:21,188
This has to stop!
282
00:12:21,256 --> 00:12:22,490
Shh.
283
00:12:24,059 --> 00:12:25,760
Put me in the game,
284
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,395
'cause I'll take everyone out.
285
00:12:27,463 --> 00:12:29,831
I play paintball three
times a week, bro.
286
00:12:29,899 --> 00:12:31,132
I'm even one of those douche bags
287
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:32,501
that brings in his own equipment.
288
00:12:32,569 --> 00:12:33,769
But it wouldn't be fair.
289
00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:34,937
You're not a student.
290
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,805
But you can change that, can't you?
291
00:12:36,873 --> 00:12:38,040
Huh?
292
00:12:38,107 --> 00:12:40,409
Enroll me in a class.
293
00:12:43,780 --> 00:12:45,114
[chuckling]
294
00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:46,783
[laughing]
295
00:12:46,851 --> 00:12:49,285
[both laughing louder]
296
00:12:49,353 --> 00:12:50,720
[both laughing hysterically]
297
00:12:50,788 --> 00:12:52,221
What are your interests?
298
00:12:52,289 --> 00:12:53,423
Arts and crafts.
299
00:12:53,490 --> 00:12:55,225
- Oh, I do watercolors.
- Oh, cool.
300
00:12:55,293 --> 00:12:58,495
[poignant guitar music]
301
00:12:58,562 --> 00:13:00,197
[laughs]
302
00:13:00,264 --> 00:13:02,132
The group would be thrilled.
303
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:03,901
The wounded soldier fantasy
304
00:13:03,968 --> 00:13:05,736
means we're moments
from doing it, right?
305
00:13:05,804 --> 00:13:07,372
Yeah, can you feel that tension?
306
00:13:07,439 --> 00:13:10,541
It's a miracle we still have clothes on.
307
00:13:12,010 --> 00:13:14,310
You're right, you know.
308
00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:16,879
I am a phony.
309
00:13:16,947 --> 00:13:18,714
I try to act compassionate,
310
00:13:18,782 --> 00:13:20,683
because I'm afraid that I'm not.
311
00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:22,818
Oh, please, I invented phony.
312
00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:24,486
You care about people.
313
00:13:24,553 --> 00:13:25,820
I accuse you of faking
314
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:27,321
to convince myself I'm not such a jerk.
315
00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:29,689
Jeff, you help people more than I do,
316
00:13:29,757 --> 00:13:31,358
and you don't even want to.
317
00:13:31,425 --> 00:13:32,692
You're not... you're not a jerk.
318
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:33,760
You're fine.
319
00:13:35,429 --> 00:13:36,997
Especially now that I've repaired
320
00:13:37,064 --> 00:13:38,164
your overworked torso
321
00:13:38,232 --> 00:13:40,233
with my trembling feminine fingers.
322
00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:42,901
Yes. Too... much... sexual... tension!
323
00:13:42,969 --> 00:13:44,669
Dam... Bursting!
324
00:13:44,737 --> 00:13:46,404
- Blah blah!
- Aaah!
325
00:13:46,471 --> 00:13:47,905
You know, it would
totally serve them right
326
00:13:47,973 --> 00:13:49,940
if we did it here in the study room.
327
00:13:50,008 --> 00:13:51,008
Oh, my God, could you imagine?
328
00:13:51,076 --> 00:13:52,409
I can't stop imagining.
329
00:13:52,477 --> 00:13:53,844
Neither can I.
330
00:13:53,912 --> 00:13:55,812
Baaah Aaaah!
331
00:14:03,006 --> 00:14:04,173
We should get dressed
332
00:14:04,241 --> 00:14:06,175
before the third-shift
librarian shows up.
333
00:14:06,243 --> 00:14:07,444
Yeah, we don't want this
334
00:14:07,512 --> 00:14:09,579
to turn into a letter
to Penthouse, right?
335
00:14:09,647 --> 00:14:11,381
I think the group is right.
336
00:14:11,449 --> 00:14:12,883
We did need to relieve some tension.
337
00:14:14,586 --> 00:14:16,887
[suspenseful music]
338
00:14:16,955 --> 00:14:18,521
Please tell me you
didn't have sex with me
339
00:14:18,589 --> 00:14:19,956
to win at paintball.
340
00:14:20,024 --> 00:14:21,091
No, I had sex with you,
341
00:14:21,159 --> 00:14:22,959
and now I'm gonna win at paintball.
342
00:14:23,027 --> 00:14:24,361
- Don't be gross.
- I'm gross?
343
00:14:24,428 --> 00:14:26,931
You seem pretty practiced at
putting on panties one-handed
344
00:14:26,998 --> 00:14:28,199
while holding a gun.
345
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:33,905
Can I get dressed before
you assassinate me?
346
00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:37,809
So all that happened,
it meant nothing to you?
347
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,678
I didn't say that.
348
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:40,880
What did it mean to you?
349
00:14:40,947 --> 00:14:42,515
- I asked you first.
- Very mature.
350
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:44,150
Said the woman wearing
the Hello Kitty underwear.
351
00:14:44,218 --> 00:14:45,819
Said the woman holding the gun.
352
00:14:47,088 --> 00:14:49,089
You sure that's a gun?
353
00:14:49,157 --> 00:14:52,126
'Cause maybe it's a metaphor
for your fake, jaded persona.
354
00:14:52,194 --> 00:14:54,328
[paintball gun clicks] Uh-oh.
355
00:14:54,396 --> 00:14:57,698
No paintballs, Hans?
What do you think, I'm stupid?
356
00:14:57,766 --> 00:14:59,567
- When'd you take my clip?
- When you started seducing me.
357
00:14:59,634 --> 00:15:02,336
I wasn't though! Assuming that
makes you way grosser.
358
00:15:02,404 --> 00:15:03,371
Not when I'm right.
359
00:15:03,438 --> 00:15:05,206
[ominous music]
360
00:15:05,273 --> 00:15:08,176
[woman singing sweetly in Asian language]
361
00:15:15,217 --> 00:15:16,818
[woman singing over ominous music]
362
00:15:16,885 --> 00:15:19,287
[paintball machine gun thudding]
363
00:15:30,132 --> 00:15:31,165
[spits]
364
00:15:31,233 --> 00:15:33,000
Buenos dias, children.
365
00:15:33,068 --> 00:15:34,101
You'll be happy to know
366
00:15:34,169 --> 00:15:35,436
you made it all the way till the end.
367
00:15:35,503 --> 00:15:36,570
You're not even a student!
368
00:15:36,638 --> 00:15:37,871
Wrong!
369
00:15:37,939 --> 00:15:40,908
Critical media literacy and
politics of gender, biatch!
370
00:15:40,976 --> 00:15:42,509
[paintball gunshots]
371
00:15:42,577 --> 00:15:44,544
[paintball machine -gun fire]
372
00:15:44,612 --> 00:15:46,280
Give me your clip.
373
00:15:46,347 --> 00:15:47,949
Oh, yeah, that would be
brilliant of me.
374
00:15:48,016 --> 00:15:50,485
Look, you got the drop on me.
I lost.
375
00:15:50,552 --> 00:15:51,752
Let me do this for you.
376
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:54,155
[paintball machine-gun fire]
377
00:15:59,996 --> 00:16:02,231
Be pretty crazy if
I shot you right now, huh?
378
00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:06,569
[dramatic music]
379
00:16:11,141 --> 00:16:12,942
[paintball whooshes]
380
00:16:13,009 --> 00:16:14,243
[whoosh]
381
00:16:32,627 --> 00:16:36,164
[laughing]
382
00:16:36,231 --> 00:16:38,433
What's so funny, Chang?
383
00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:40,202
Maybe it's the fact
there's no such thing
384
00:16:40,269 --> 00:16:42,638
as priority registration.
385
00:16:42,705 --> 00:16:46,543
Or... maybe it's this.
386
00:16:46,610 --> 00:16:47,611
Ta-da!
387
00:16:49,781 --> 00:16:54,785
[timer beeping]
388
00:16:54,852 --> 00:16:55,786
[long beep]
389
00:16:55,853 --> 00:16:59,056
[laughing maniacally]
390
00:17:00,959 --> 00:17:03,827
[explosion]
391
00:17:13,105 --> 00:17:14,105
Dean!
392
00:17:17,042 --> 00:17:18,977
Just one moment.
393
00:17:22,014 --> 00:17:23,315
Oh, hi there, Jeffrey.
394
00:17:26,052 --> 00:17:27,286
That's a good look for you.
395
00:17:27,353 --> 00:17:30,323
Everybody out there
is shooting each other
396
00:17:30,390 --> 00:17:31,457
for nothing
397
00:17:31,525 --> 00:17:34,660
while you sit here
398
00:17:34,727 --> 00:17:36,395
in your ivory tower.
399
00:17:36,462 --> 00:17:38,496
Jeffrey, I can explain.
400
00:17:38,564 --> 00:17:40,799
I messed up when I promised
priority registration.
401
00:17:40,866 --> 00:17:43,768
Apparently, it's a violation
of some student equality act,
402
00:17:43,835 --> 00:17:45,469
but...
403
00:17:45,536 --> 00:17:46,470
This isn't.
404
00:17:46,537 --> 00:17:47,504
Ta-da!
405
00:17:47,572 --> 00:17:49,405
Okay, now, it's not Blu-ray,
406
00:17:49,473 --> 00:17:51,640
but it comes with its own remote, so...
407
00:17:51,708 --> 00:17:54,343
[paintball machine-gunfire]
Aah!
408
00:17:55,713 --> 00:17:56,846
Jeffrey!
409
00:17:56,914 --> 00:17:59,648
Aaah!
410
00:17:59,716 --> 00:18:01,016
Jeffrey!
411
00:18:02,219 --> 00:18:03,653
Jeffrey!
412
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:04,720
Jeffrey!
413
00:18:04,788 --> 00:18:06,722
[gun whirs, stops]
414
00:18:06,790 --> 00:18:08,891
[panting]
415
00:18:12,663 --> 00:18:14,397
You get it all out of your system?
416
00:18:14,464 --> 00:18:16,766
[laughing]
417
00:18:22,739 --> 00:18:24,573
Almost.
418
00:18:24,641 --> 00:18:26,008
[paintball gunshot]
419
00:18:27,977 --> 00:18:30,246
What do you want from me, Jeffrey?
420
00:18:30,313 --> 00:18:32,047
Guess.
421
00:18:32,115 --> 00:18:34,450
[sighs]
422
00:18:40,023 --> 00:18:42,225
- Oh, hi,
- Hey, how's it going?
423
00:18:42,292 --> 00:18:44,726
You still have some, uh, paint.
424
00:18:44,794 --> 00:18:45,828
Oh, thanks.
425
00:18:45,895 --> 00:18:47,329
Um, so I was thinking...
426
00:18:47,397 --> 00:18:49,264
- You don't even have to.
- It didn't happen.
427
00:18:49,332 --> 00:18:50,465
It's not that it was a mistake.
428
00:18:50,533 --> 00:18:51,566
It's just that it didn't happen.
429
00:18:51,634 --> 00:18:53,101
It was a crazy night of paintball.
430
00:18:53,168 --> 00:18:54,469
Exactly. Tension relieving.
431
00:18:54,536 --> 00:18:56,404
Absolutely. No need to
mention it to anyone.
432
00:18:56,471 --> 00:18:58,305
Right, no big deal.
Nothing's changed.
433
00:19:00,375 --> 00:19:02,242
Something's changed.
434
00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:03,643
Oh, Abed.
435
00:19:03,711 --> 00:19:05,578
Crazy Abed.
436
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:06,612
No, something's different now.
437
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:07,612
Could be me.
438
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:08,980
I'm sporting a man-thong.
439
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:10,014
Maybe.
440
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:11,482
Or maybe it's that
441
00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:14,252
I have emerged victorious
442
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:16,921
with a priority registration form.
443
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,322
Ohh!
444
00:19:18,390 --> 00:19:20,024
Well done, Jeff.
445
00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:22,260
And in recognition of her bravery,
446
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,429
not to mention her children,
447
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:25,730
I hereby award this
448
00:19:25,797 --> 00:19:27,632
to the best soldier, Shirley.
449
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:28,633
Ohh!
450
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,001
Now, the bad news is,
451
00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:31,303
for legal purposes, next semester,
452
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:34,106
if anybody asks, you have gout.
453
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:35,341
Do you mind walking with a limp?
454
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,977
Mm. Thank you, Jeffrey.
455
00:19:38,045 --> 00:19:39,045
Look, honey.
456
00:19:39,113 --> 00:19:41,014
Wow, I didn't see that coming.
457
00:19:41,081 --> 00:19:42,649
Neither did I.
458
00:19:42,716 --> 00:19:44,184
So no one feels it?
459
00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:45,818
No one senses anything's different?
460
00:19:45,886 --> 00:19:46,819
Nope.
461
00:19:46,887 --> 00:19:47,887
Not at all.
462
00:19:47,955 --> 00:19:50,223
It's riding up a little.
463
00:19:56,529 --> 00:20:00,029
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
464
00:20:00,030 --> 00:20:02,530
Corrected by 4be1
www.addic7ed.com
465
00:20:02,909 --> 00:20:05,643
Hey, Abed, it's Troy.
Meet you at the flagpole in...
466
00:20:05,710 --> 00:20:07,678
[automated female voice]
If you are satisfied
467
00:20:07,746 --> 00:20:09,380
with your message, press one.
468
00:20:09,448 --> 00:20:10,981
to erase and re-record... [beep]
469
00:20:11,049 --> 00:20:13,117
Hey, Abed, it's Troy!
470
00:20:13,185 --> 00:20:16,354
Yo, I'll meet you at
the flagpole in like...
471
00:20:16,421 --> 00:20:18,356
If you are satisfied
with your message...
472
00:20:18,423 --> 00:20:20,057
[imitating Michael Jackson]
Hey, Abed!
473
00:20:20,125 --> 00:20:22,092
It's Troy. Hee hee!
474
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:23,760
If you are satisfied
with your message...
475
00:20:23,828 --> 00:20:25,796
In how many minutes
are you gonna meet him?
476
00:20:25,863 --> 00:20:27,497
Uh, ten minutes.
477
00:20:27,565 --> 00:20:28,932
To listen to your message...
478
00:20:28,999 --> 00:20:30,199
Hey, Abed, your girlfriend
479
00:20:30,267 --> 00:20:32,201
will meet you at the
flagpole in ten minutes.
480
00:20:32,269 --> 00:20:33,870
Good-bye.
481
00:20:33,937 --> 00:20:36,539
If you are satisfied with
your message, press one.
482
00:20:36,607 --> 00:20:38,141
To erase and re-record...
483
00:20:38,208 --> 00:20:39,275
- Did I sound like a jerk?
484
00:20:39,343 --> 00:20:41,678
To listen to your message, press three.
485
00:20:41,746 --> 00:20:43,981
To send... [beep]
486
00:20:44,049 --> 00:20:47,118
[cheerily]
Hey, Abed, sorry to bother you.
487
00:20:47,186 --> 00:20:49,220
Troy will meet you at the
flagpole in ten minutes.
488
00:20:49,288 --> 00:20:50,388
Okay. [beep]
489
00:20:50,456 --> 00:20:52,090
If you are satisfied
with your message...
490
00:20:52,158 --> 00:20:53,658
Maybe you should just
send a text message.
491
00:20:53,726 --> 00:20:54,659
Yeah.