1
00:00:07,001 --> 00:00:13,075
Sync by n17t01, corrected by gloriabg
www.Addic7ed.Com
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00:00:18,592 --> 00:00:22,148
and now "The transcredible
exploits of Zapp Brannigan"
3
00:00:22,605 --> 00:00:24,932
brought to you by
Bartley's rocket wax.
4
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I wax my rocket every day!
5
00:00:32,495 --> 00:00:34,941
No one can save you
now, Leela.
6
00:00:35,008 --> 00:00:36,909
What about Zapp Brannigan?
7
00:00:36,977 --> 00:00:40,213
Well, obviously, Zapp Brannigan
could save you, but...
8
00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:41,647
Zapp Brannigan?!
9
00:00:41,715 --> 00:00:44,851
So, Emperor Chopchop,
once again, we meet at last.
10
00:00:44,918 --> 00:00:47,854
Drop that space gun
or I'll shoot... like so.
11
00:00:47,921 --> 00:00:49,722
(Revolver fires)
Ooh.
12
00:00:49,790 --> 00:00:52,024
Oh! Oh, Zapp.
13
00:00:52,092 --> 00:00:54,093
Tie me back up
and ravish me.
14
00:00:54,161 --> 00:00:56,529
I'd like to,
Leela, so I will.
15
00:00:56,597 --> 00:00:58,431
(Both giggle)
16
00:00:58,499 --> 00:01:01,267
(Both moan passionately)
17
00:01:01,335 --> 00:01:02,702
(Chuckles)
18
00:01:02,769 --> 00:01:05,304
Mmm, shake it, baby.
19
00:01:05,372 --> 00:01:06,539
Shake it like...
20
00:01:06,607 --> 00:01:08,741
I surrender and
volunteer for treason.
21
00:01:08,809 --> 00:01:11,310
Emergency summons
from the president, Captain.
22
00:01:11,378 --> 00:01:12,678
Oh, it's you.
23
00:01:12,746 --> 00:01:13,880
Just let me freshen up.
24
00:01:13,947 --> 00:01:16,449
Computer, Captain's musk.
25
00:01:18,318 --> 00:01:19,619
(Sighs wearily)
26
00:01:34,501 --> 00:01:36,936
The long, dramatic corridor.
27
00:01:37,004 --> 00:01:38,971
That's never a good sign.
28
00:01:39,907 --> 00:01:41,140
(Electronic buzz, bell dings)
29
00:01:41,208 --> 00:01:42,175
Female voice:
Glove recognized.
30
00:01:42,242 --> 00:01:45,344
Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower.
31
00:01:46,380 --> 00:01:48,381
Mr. President.
What the hell?
32
00:01:48,448 --> 00:01:50,049
At ease, Brannigan.
33
00:01:50,117 --> 00:01:51,450
(Sighs)
34
00:01:51,518 --> 00:01:54,453
What you're about to see
is highly classified.
35
00:01:54,521 --> 00:01:55,688
Reptilicus,
36
00:01:55,756 --> 00:01:57,390
hit the thingy.
37
00:01:59,226 --> 00:02:00,927
At oh-zero-hundred hours,
38
00:02:00,994 --> 00:02:04,730
planet X-3 was attacked by
a mysterious death-sphere.
39
00:02:04,798 --> 00:02:07,033
Magnify that death-sphere.
40
00:02:08,302 --> 00:02:10,203
Why is it still blurry?
41
00:02:10,270 --> 00:02:12,405
That's all the
resolution we have.
42
00:02:12,472 --> 00:02:14,674
Making it bigger
doesn't make it clearer.
43
00:02:14,741 --> 00:02:15,975
It does on CSI: Miami.
44
00:02:16,043 --> 00:02:17,610
(Groans)
45
00:02:17,678 --> 00:02:20,479
Nixon:
They fought back with
advanced military hardware,
46
00:02:20,547 --> 00:02:25,051
but it was like shooting
bbs at Bebe Rebozo.
47
00:02:25,118 --> 00:02:27,253
That poor, brave hardware.
48
00:02:27,321 --> 00:02:30,690
The sphere then fired some
kind of hellish blackout ray.
49
00:02:30,757 --> 00:02:35,861
Erased that planet like 18
minutes of incriminating tape.
50
00:02:37,731 --> 00:02:41,167
Oh, I just wish
I understood why.
51
00:02:41,235 --> 00:02:42,635
Why I should care.
52
00:02:42,703 --> 00:02:45,605
Because the death-sphere
is now on course for Earth.
53
00:02:45,672 --> 00:02:48,874
Nixon:
Aroo!
54
00:02:48,942 --> 00:02:52,211
My God, we're defenseless,
like fish in a barrel.
55
00:02:52,279 --> 00:02:53,346
Options?
56
00:02:53,413 --> 00:02:54,981
My instinct is
to hide in this barrel
57
00:02:55,048 --> 00:02:56,482
like the wily fish.
58
00:02:56,550 --> 00:02:58,618
Ah, then we're down
to our last hope:
59
00:02:58,685 --> 00:03:02,221
A radical new weapon built
by a visionary scientist
60
00:03:02,289 --> 00:03:04,824
I once dismissed as crazy.
61
00:03:04,891 --> 00:03:07,526
(Professor laughing)
62
00:03:07,594 --> 00:03:10,896
Let's see how crazy
I am now, Nixon.
63
00:03:10,964 --> 00:03:13,266
The correct answer is "very."
64
00:03:13,333 --> 00:03:14,967
All right, Professor,
65
00:03:15,035 --> 00:03:16,369
sock it to me.
66
00:03:16,436 --> 00:03:18,004
Top secret news, everyone.
67
00:03:18,071 --> 00:03:20,940
I've developed a tiny,
one-man stealth fighter
68
00:03:21,008 --> 00:03:23,409
that's virtually undetectable.
69
00:03:23,477 --> 00:03:24,877
How undetectable?
70
00:03:24,945 --> 00:03:26,345
It's right in front of you.
71
00:03:26,413 --> 00:03:27,480
I find that...
(Clank)
72
00:03:27,547 --> 00:03:29,081
Ow! ...To believe.
73
00:03:30,751 --> 00:03:32,518
(All oohing and aahing)
Hubba, hubba.
74
00:03:32,586 --> 00:03:34,553
But how exactly is this
happy meal toy going
75
00:03:34,621 --> 00:03:36,756
to destroy a giant
death-sphere?
76
00:03:36,823 --> 00:03:38,090
From within.
77
00:03:38,158 --> 00:03:40,159
This ship should be able
to sneak, undetected,
78
00:03:40,227 --> 00:03:43,129
through the sphere's
one vulnerable opening.
79
00:03:43,196 --> 00:03:44,597
What vulnerable opening?
80
00:03:44,665 --> 00:03:47,366
All death-spheres have
one vulnerable opening.
81
00:03:47,434 --> 00:03:50,002
Well, sure, but who's brave
enough to fly into something
82
00:03:50,070 --> 00:03:52,338
we all keep calling
a death-sphere?
83
00:03:52,406 --> 00:03:54,340
- I say Brannigan.
I say no.
84
00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:56,542
- I say me.
- I say Leela.
85
00:03:56,610 --> 00:03:58,744
- I say yes.
- I say no.
86
00:03:58,812 --> 00:04:00,112
I say Leela, too.
87
00:04:00,180 --> 00:04:01,414
I say yes again.
88
00:04:01,481 --> 00:04:02,948
I say I shall join her.
89
00:04:03,016 --> 00:04:04,850
But it's only a one-man craft.
90
00:04:04,918 --> 00:04:05,985
I say.
91
00:04:06,053 --> 00:04:08,888
There'll only be
one man... Me.
92
00:04:08,955 --> 00:04:10,823
How would you feel
if I rode rear
93
00:04:10,891 --> 00:04:13,259
as your personal
tail gunner?
94
00:04:13,327 --> 00:04:14,527
Creeped out.
95
00:04:14,594 --> 00:04:15,961
Then it's decided.
96
00:04:16,725 --> 00:04:18,698
Cape Knievel
Flight Test Center
97
00:04:21,034 --> 00:04:23,703
Are you sure I have
to sit in your lap?
98
00:04:23,770 --> 00:04:26,405
It'll help us achieve
maximum thrust.
99
00:04:26,473 --> 00:04:27,973
(Leela and Kif groan)
100
00:04:28,041 --> 00:04:30,076
I made you some trail mix
for the flight.
101
00:04:30,143 --> 00:04:32,578
Also, this picture,
to remember me.
102
00:04:32,646 --> 00:04:34,213
You hold onto it.
103
00:04:34,281 --> 00:04:36,248
I'll be back soon.
104
00:04:36,316 --> 00:04:38,150
(Scoffs)
105
00:04:38,218 --> 00:04:39,385
Aah!
(Grunts)
106
00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:41,253
Activating stealth shielding.
107
00:04:41,321 --> 00:04:42,822
(Beep)
108
00:04:44,591 --> 00:04:46,425
Liftoff!
109
00:04:46,493 --> 00:04:47,560
I'll Roger that.
110
00:04:47,627 --> 00:04:50,096
(Rocket engines
rumbling, whooshing)
111
00:04:52,199 --> 00:04:55,601
Does anybody else feel aroused
and jealous and worried?
112
00:04:55,669 --> 00:04:57,503
I haven't felt
much of anything
113
00:04:57,571 --> 00:05:00,272
since my Guinea pig died.
114
00:05:06,847 --> 00:05:08,247
(Beeping)
115
00:05:08,315 --> 00:05:10,249
Death-sphere in range.
116
00:05:10,317 --> 00:05:13,252
Engaging holographic targeting.
117
00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:15,654
Activating the force.
118
00:05:15,722 --> 00:05:19,024
Male voice (A la Obi-Wan):
Feel the entrance, Leela.
119
00:05:19,092 --> 00:05:24,029
Destination on your left
in 0.3 miles.
120
00:05:27,434 --> 00:05:29,635
Zapp to Leela.
121
00:05:29,703 --> 00:05:31,871
Look at all that
surveillance equipment.
122
00:05:31,938 --> 00:05:33,205
(Whispering):
We better whisper.
123
00:05:33,273 --> 00:05:35,841
(Whispering):
Switching to pillow talk mode.
124
00:05:35,909 --> 00:05:38,577
Look! What are
those huge letters?
125
00:05:38,645 --> 00:05:41,514
Brannigan:
V-giny?
126
00:05:41,581 --> 00:05:43,082
Doesn't ring a bell.
127
00:05:43,150 --> 00:05:47,186
Hmm, I don't like
the looks of this V-giny.
128
00:05:47,254 --> 00:05:50,523
Does anyone recognize
those call letters?
129
00:05:50,590 --> 00:05:52,024
Nope.
130
00:05:52,092 --> 00:05:54,126
It's not in the
janeway's guide either.
131
00:05:54,194 --> 00:05:56,562
Deciphering that I.D. Code
is critical.
132
00:05:56,630 --> 00:05:59,799
I'll be in the chamber
of understanding.
133
00:06:01,501 --> 00:06:04,003
(Muffled disco
bass line throbbing)
134
00:06:07,641 --> 00:06:11,143
This is it... the moment we
should have trained for.
135
00:06:26,092 --> 00:06:28,494
Holy cr... (Beep)
136
00:06:29,629 --> 00:06:32,331
Incoming yucky.
Firing pocket-rocket!
137
00:06:36,002 --> 00:06:37,169
(Muffled explosion)
138
00:06:37,237 --> 00:06:39,405
Don't panic, Leela.
Go, go, go, go, go.
139
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,647
I hope this is
the control stick.
140
00:06:53,286 --> 00:06:55,855
Brannigan:
Captain's log.
141
00:06:55,922 --> 00:06:57,890
We've lost control.
Addendum...
142
00:06:57,958 --> 00:07:00,275
(Brannigan screaming)
143
00:07:06,992 --> 00:07:09,994
Chapter two:
"The heat thickens."
144
00:07:10,062 --> 00:07:11,229
(Groaning)
145
00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:12,430
Leela, wake up.
146
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:14,732
I can't face this
mysterious planet alone
147
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,668
without you
or someone like you.
148
00:07:16,735 --> 00:07:18,369
(Breathing rapidly)
149
00:07:18,437 --> 00:07:20,572
Zapp?
Zapp, wake up.
150
00:07:20,639 --> 00:07:22,140
(Kisses, snorts)
151
00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:24,175
Leela, where are we?
152
00:07:24,243 --> 00:07:26,377
We crashed
on an uncharted planet.
153
00:07:26,445 --> 00:07:29,080
When I woke up,
I was pinned under this tree.
154
00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:30,248
Can you help me?
155
00:07:30,316 --> 00:07:32,750
If anyone can
move it, I can.
156
00:07:32,818 --> 00:07:34,853
(Grunting)
157
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:36,120
No one can move it.
158
00:07:36,188 --> 00:07:37,322
Are you hurt?
159
00:07:37,389 --> 00:07:39,657
No, but I'm so thirsty.
160
00:07:39,725 --> 00:07:42,360
This space suit is making me
sweat like a sow.
161
00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:44,262
Me, too.
We'd better strip them off
162
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:47,098
and continue surviving
au naturel.
163
00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:50,335
Uh... I suppose so.
164
00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:54,339
Here, we can
cover ourselves
165
00:07:54,406 --> 00:07:56,808
with these sticky,
sap-covered leaves.
166
00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:59,410
I'll try to avert my eyes
from your nudery.
167
00:07:59,478 --> 00:08:00,612
You will?
168
00:08:00,679 --> 00:08:01,846
Eh, what's the point?
169
00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:03,481
You'll have to look
sooner or later.
170
00:08:03,549 --> 00:08:06,484
Well, I promise
not to abuse the privilege.
171
00:08:06,552 --> 00:08:07,752
For now I'd better
scout ound
172
00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:09,554
for food and
water and help.
173
00:08:09,622 --> 00:08:12,323
What a thoughtful
and considerate thing to say.
174
00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:13,958
What the hell's wrong with you?
175
00:08:14,026 --> 00:08:15,460
I'm not quite sure.
176
00:08:15,527 --> 00:08:18,663
Perhaps it's the fresh air
or a severe head injury.
177
00:08:18,731 --> 00:08:20,798
In any case, I'm off.
178
00:08:20,866 --> 00:08:24,302
If you see any steaks,
that'd be good!
179
00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:26,337
(Sniffs)
180
00:08:26,405 --> 00:08:27,672
Why isn't Leela back yet?
181
00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:29,007
Do you think she's okay?
182
00:08:29,074 --> 00:08:30,208
How should I know?
183
00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:32,377
And how come you
never ask if I'm okay?
184
00:08:32,444 --> 00:08:34,312
I'm feeling
a little neglected here.
185
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:36,581
Oh, sorry.
Are you okay, Bender?
186
00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:37,715
Shut up.
187
00:08:37,783 --> 00:08:38,950
What difference
does it make?
188
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:40,351
When that death-sphere
gets here,
189
00:08:40,419 --> 00:08:42,587
we'll all be blown
to manwich meat.
190
00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:44,689
Well, I guess
it's time to indulge
191
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:46,925
in some end-of-the-world
debauchery.
192
00:08:46,992 --> 00:08:49,093
Who's up for an orgy?
193
00:08:49,161 --> 00:08:52,430
(Enthusiastic response fades
to ambivalent muttering)
194
00:08:52,498 --> 00:08:54,365
Maybe a parcheesi
tournament.
195
00:08:54,433 --> 00:08:56,367
Professor:
Belay that parcheesi tournament.
196
00:08:56,435 --> 00:08:59,070
I've identified
the death-sphere.
197
00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:02,473
We may yet have
a faint hope of survival.
198
00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:05,310
Still, a parcheesi tournament.
199
00:09:05,377 --> 00:09:09,280
This is a top secret
military satellite
200
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:12,216
launched by the
air force in 1998.
201
00:09:12,284 --> 00:09:16,054
And this is a top
secret FCC satellite
202
00:09:16,121 --> 00:09:17,855
launched that same year
203
00:09:17,923 --> 00:09:20,325
to censor indecent
TV programs.
204
00:09:20,392 --> 00:09:22,827
Like The Pimpsons
and Ass-o-rama?
205
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,228
Precisely.
206
00:09:24,296 --> 00:09:26,798
However, the satellites collided
shortly after launch
207
00:09:26,865 --> 00:09:29,000
and were never heard from again.
208
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,368
I found the board!
209
00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:32,136
Now I've simulated
that collision
210
00:09:32,204 --> 00:09:34,205
using shrapnel-vision.
211
00:09:34,273 --> 00:09:36,641
(All shouting)
212
00:09:39,511 --> 00:09:41,346
Bender:
V-giny!
213
00:09:41,413 --> 00:09:43,281
Granted, all that makes
perfect sense.
214
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:46,017
But why is this death-sphere
destroying planets?
215
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:48,186
That makes
the most sense of all.
216
00:09:48,253 --> 00:09:50,989
Lookt the planets
it's destroyed so far.
217
00:09:51,056 --> 00:09:55,059
First came X-3 the
nude beach planet,
218
00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:57,228
then Poopiter,
219
00:09:57,296 --> 00:09:59,797
and finally that world
that can't be mentioned
220
00:09:59,865 --> 00:10:01,799
in polite company.
221
00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:03,134
You mean...
(Whispers)
222
00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:04,702
(All groaning)
How dare you.
223
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,871
So the death-sphere
224
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,907
is "censoring"
indecent planets?
225
00:10:09,975 --> 00:10:11,376
Indeed, and we're next,
226
00:10:11,443 --> 00:10:14,045
if we can't keep it in
our collective pants.
227
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:17,148
Our sole hope is to persuade
the people of earth
228
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:19,550
to abandon their
smutty ways.
229
00:10:19,618 --> 00:10:20,752
(Whip cracks)
230
00:10:20,819 --> 00:10:23,221
So the orgy's off?
231
00:10:23,288 --> 00:10:24,422
(Groans)
232
00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:25,890
So thirsty.
233
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:29,327
Why couldn't a water fountain
have fallen on me?
234
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:31,362
I couldn't find any
water, but the moisture
235
00:10:31,430 --> 00:10:34,132
in these fruit-nut-berries
should sustain you.
236
00:10:34,199 --> 00:10:36,167
Thank you.
237
00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:39,070
I climbed perilously high
into the trees to pick them,
238
00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:42,140
yet I saw no sign
of intelligent life.
239
00:10:42,207 --> 00:10:43,341
Bummer.
240
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:44,542
Moreover, the crash
241
00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:46,511
totally destroyed our ship.
242
00:10:46,578 --> 00:10:48,913
So we're stuck here
until someone finds us?
243
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,715
Alas, that may
never happen.
244
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:53,651
Stealth technology makes the
ship impossible to locate,
245
00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:55,853
yet easy to stub
your crotch on.
246
00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:58,723
Well, there's worse places
to be marooned.
247
00:10:58,791 --> 00:11:00,992
Plenty of food, mild climate.
248
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:03,795
I's a veritable garden of eden.
249
00:11:03,862 --> 00:11:05,730
It is?
250
00:11:05,798 --> 00:11:08,299
(Beautiful choral music plays)
251
00:11:10,869 --> 00:11:12,203
Hello.
252
00:11:12,271 --> 00:11:13,571
Did that snake say hello?
253
00:11:13,639 --> 00:11:16,307
No. We're both delirious
from dehydration.
254
00:11:16,375 --> 00:11:18,876
Just like
Adam and Eve.
255
00:11:23,715 --> 00:11:25,283
Professor:
We can still save Earth.
256
00:11:25,350 --> 00:11:27,485
People are sure
to clean up their act
257
00:11:27,553 --> 00:11:29,687
when presented
with cold, hard facts
258
00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:32,023
by rational folks like us.
259
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:34,759
The end is near!
260
00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:36,794
Repent thy sins!
261
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,129
I'll thinks it overs
262
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:40,598
while I engages
is five-dollar hooker.
263
00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:42,900
Don't do it!
It's not worth it!
264
00:11:42,968 --> 00:11:44,602
Okay, make it three dollars.
265
00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:47,872
Yuck! I don't wants
no three-dollar hooker.
266
00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:50,942
I'm going backs
to the adults bookstore.
267
00:11:51,009 --> 00:11:52,176
Adult bookstore?
268
00:11:52,244 --> 00:11:53,945
I thought this was
the public library.
269
00:11:54,012 --> 00:11:56,747
No. Pubic library.
270
00:11:56,815 --> 00:11:59,250
Zapp? Where are you?
271
00:11:59,318 --> 00:12:02,453
Oh, God, I'm actually
starting to miss him.
272
00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:04,789
Maybe you two
belong together.
273
00:12:04,857 --> 00:12:07,191
We do not.
And you can't talk.
274
00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:08,259
Oh, come on.
275
00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:10,828
It must be
an awful temptation.
276
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:13,731
Guess who just killed a
woodchuck with his bare feet?
277
00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:15,233
(Grunts)
278
00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:17,802
I thought I'd whip
us up some shelter.
279
00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:19,604
Make this a little
more like home.
280
00:12:19,671 --> 00:12:21,506
I do miss
the Earth terribly.
281
00:12:21,573 --> 00:12:23,908
I wonder if it's
even still there?
282
00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:25,943
Let's find out together.
I'll brave
283
00:12:26,011 --> 00:12:29,280
the ship's wreckage to
fetch you the telescope.
284
00:12:29,348 --> 00:12:31,015
That's so sweet.
285
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:33,284
I'm just sayin', is all.
286
00:12:45,130 --> 00:12:47,765
I know my new plan
is a long shot,
287
00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:49,867
but it's the
only hope left.
288
00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:52,236
Well, now
I've heard everything.
289
00:12:52,304 --> 00:12:53,471
On my iPod.
290
00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:55,006
So, do you have a new plan,
Professor?
291
00:12:55,073 --> 00:12:56,641
And is there any hope left?
292
00:12:56,708 --> 00:13:00,778
Indeed. We're here on
Earth's last unspoiled acre
293
00:13:00,846 --> 00:13:02,113
to show the death-sphere
294
00:13:02,181 --> 00:13:04,515
there's still purity
in the world.
295
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:06,317
Begin transmitting.
296
00:13:07,986 --> 00:13:10,221
Commence purity chant.
297
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:13,424
(All chanting)
298
00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:17,962
Hey, I'm proud of you, Bender...
299
00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:19,864
avoiding sin
for almost a full minute.
300
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:21,265
Bender?
301
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:24,669
Bender:
Oh yeah, baby,
you're quite a dish.
302
00:13:24,736 --> 00:13:26,771
(Bender and female voice
giggling)
303
00:13:26,838 --> 00:13:28,172
(Giggling):
Oh, yeah.
304
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,341
Oh, no. Oh, yeah.
Ooh!
305
00:13:30,409 --> 00:13:32,877
- Oh, no.
Professor: Bender, stop!
306
00:13:32,945 --> 00:13:34,111
Stop!
307
00:13:34,179 --> 00:13:35,580
Eh, quiet your riot.
308
00:13:35,647 --> 00:13:39,450
What's the worst
that could happen?
309
00:13:49,027 --> 00:13:50,895
Leela:
No... no!
310
00:13:50,963 --> 00:13:52,697
(Sobbing)
311
00:13:52,764 --> 00:13:54,198
Earth is gone!
312
00:13:54,266 --> 00:13:57,568
We're the only two humans
left in the universe!
313
00:13:57,636 --> 00:13:58,936
(Sobbing)
314
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:01,939
Oh, God, I'm sorry, Leela.
315
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:05,276
Maybe... maybe
this was meant to be.
316
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:08,646
Maybe you and I were meant
to build a new world here.
317
00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:10,881
We can avoid
humanity's mistakes.
318
00:14:10,949 --> 00:14:12,049
Like the tuba.
319
00:14:12,117 --> 00:14:13,251
Yes!
320
00:14:13,318 --> 00:14:14,819
We'll be like
Adam and Eve.
321
00:14:14,886 --> 00:14:16,120
Only without the tuba.
322
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:17,955
And we'll beget
little Zapp junior.
323
00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:19,223
And Leela junior.
324
00:14:19,291 --> 00:14:21,125
And they'll have kids
of their own.
325
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:23,894
Yuck! Is that really
what happened in the Bible?
326
00:14:23,962 --> 00:14:26,864
It's a sick and twisted book
of holiness, all right.
327
00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:28,532
Then we'll write our own Bible.
328
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:31,569
With less Sodom
and more Gomorrah.
329
00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:32,837
Let's do it.
330
00:14:32,904 --> 00:14:35,239
I shall become the
mother of a new world,
331
00:14:35,307 --> 00:14:37,108
trapped here,
under this tree.
332
00:14:37,175 --> 00:14:38,809
The tree of knowledge.
333
00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:41,078
Look, it even has apples!
334
00:14:41,146 --> 00:14:43,681
Ow! Wow!
335
00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:46,684
Come here, Adam.
336
00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:49,186
Partake of my
forbidden fruit.
337
00:14:49,254 --> 00:14:51,289
Thee will be done.
338
00:14:51,356 --> 00:14:53,024
(Passionate moaning)
339
00:14:58,471 --> 00:15:02,107
Wait. One more bite
before we begin the begetting.
340
00:15:03,509 --> 00:15:05,310
Mmm. Juicy.
341
00:15:05,378 --> 00:15:07,479
Those nut-berries
you found were so salty,
342
00:15:07,547 --> 00:15:09,681
I couldn't think straight.
343
00:15:09,749 --> 00:15:11,283
(Passionate moaning)
344
00:15:11,350 --> 00:15:14,686
I mean, not to belabor it,
but they were as salty
345
00:15:14,754 --> 00:15:17,322
as that bag of trail mix
Fry gave me.
346
00:15:17,390 --> 00:15:19,357
Exactly as salty.
347
00:15:19,425 --> 00:15:21,760
Hey! Wait a second!
348
00:15:21,828 --> 00:15:23,195
Uh...
349
00:15:23,262 --> 00:15:25,530
Oh...
350
00:15:25,598 --> 00:15:27,566
(Tortured groaning)
351
00:15:27,633 --> 00:15:31,036
I have a terrible
confession to make.
352
00:15:31,103 --> 00:15:34,272
You see, when I first
went foraging,
353
00:15:34,340 --> 00:15:35,740
what I actually found
354
00:15:35,808 --> 00:15:37,876
was the smoldering wreckage
of the ship.
355
00:15:37,944 --> 00:15:39,878
Ignoring all danger, I charged
356
00:15:39,946 --> 00:15:42,814
inside to liberate
our provisions.
357
00:15:42,882 --> 00:15:45,183
So this is the trail mix
Fry gave me!
358
00:15:45,251 --> 00:15:49,621
Yes. I exaggerated when I said
I picked it from the treetops.
359
00:15:49,689 --> 00:15:51,389
I just wanted
you to think...
360
00:15:51,457 --> 00:15:54,125
(Sniffling)
A little better of me.
361
00:15:54,193 --> 00:15:56,695
Well... your motives were good.
362
00:15:56,762 --> 00:15:59,798
And we were both loopy
from dehydration.
363
00:15:59,866 --> 00:16:01,233
Hey, wait.
364
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,468
You've been doing
an awful lot of urinating.
365
00:16:03,536 --> 00:16:05,437
(Tortured groaning)
366
00:16:05,505 --> 00:16:06,972
There's plenty of water.
367
00:16:07,039 --> 00:16:08,773
You see,
368
00:16:08,841 --> 00:16:10,942
after I selflessly rescued
the trail mix,
369
00:16:11,010 --> 00:16:14,479
i braved the flames once more,
in search of fluids.
370
00:16:14,547 --> 00:16:16,982
(Grunting)
371
00:16:20,987 --> 00:16:22,487
Then why didn't you give me any?
372
00:16:22,555 --> 00:16:23,755
(Sniffles)
373
00:16:23,823 --> 00:16:25,457
I thought it might
help you forget
374
00:16:25,525 --> 00:16:28,860
your intense hatred for me if
you were a teensy bit delirious.
375
00:16:28,928 --> 00:16:30,996
So you let me dehydrate
376
00:16:31,063 --> 00:16:32,764
while you washed down
the trail mix
377
00:16:32,832 --> 00:16:34,666
with imported mineral water?
378
00:16:34,734 --> 00:16:35,700
(Tortured groaning)
379
00:16:35,768 --> 00:16:37,636
Not exactly.
380
00:16:37,703 --> 00:16:39,538
You see, besides the trail mix,
381
00:16:39,605 --> 00:16:42,207
the minibar also contained
doritos, beef jerky,
382
00:16:42,275 --> 00:16:45,310
and a generous assortment
of fine chocolates.
383
00:16:46,679 --> 00:16:48,413
I wanted to offer you
the chocolates...
384
00:16:48,481 --> 00:16:52,117
I truly did... but I was
concerned about your waistline.
385
00:16:52,184 --> 00:16:53,418
Very concerned.
386
00:16:53,486 --> 00:16:55,453
It's because
I haven't been exercising.
387
00:16:55,521 --> 00:16:58,924
If only this tree hadn't
fallen on me by chance.
388
00:16:58,991 --> 00:17:01,192
Oh, dear God!
389
00:17:01,260 --> 00:17:04,896
(Tortured groaning, sobbing)
390
00:17:04,964 --> 00:17:07,098
It was just after we crashed.
391
00:17:07,166 --> 00:17:09,701
I awoke first,
to find you trapped.
392
00:17:09,769 --> 00:17:11,169
Leela!
393
00:17:11,237 --> 00:17:13,305
Leela, wake up.
394
00:17:25,618 --> 00:17:28,119
You could've moved this
grub-infested log
395
00:17:28,187 --> 00:17:29,588
any time you wanted?
396
00:17:29,655 --> 00:17:31,289
Well, sure...
397
00:17:31,357 --> 00:17:34,025
But then I wouldn't have been
able to provide the loving care
398
00:17:34,093 --> 00:17:35,827
you wouldn't have needed.
399
00:17:38,297 --> 00:17:40,532
I'd leave you to rot
in this paradise,
400
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,434
if only the ship
weren't destroyed.
401
00:17:42,501 --> 00:17:45,704
The ship's fully
functional, isn't it?
402
00:17:45,771 --> 00:17:48,373
(Tortured groaning)
403
00:17:48,441 --> 00:17:50,342
You see, after re-trapping you
404
00:17:50,409 --> 00:17:52,410
and before feigning
unconsciousness,
405
00:17:52,478 --> 00:17:54,012
i paused to enjoy a cigar.
406
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:57,315
Though mellow and satisfying,
it did parch me a bit,
407
00:17:57,383 --> 00:17:59,084
so I went in search of Brandy.
408
00:17:59,151 --> 00:18:01,219
That's when my keen
senses detected
409
00:18:01,287 --> 00:18:03,455
the still-invisible ship.
410
00:18:03,522 --> 00:18:04,923
Ow!
411
00:18:06,325 --> 00:18:08,226
So we can go back to Earth?
412
00:18:08,294 --> 00:18:11,329
But there is no
Earth anymore!
413
00:18:11,397 --> 00:18:12,964
Everyone I know is dead!
414
00:18:13,032 --> 00:18:14,766
(Sobbing)
415
00:18:14,834 --> 00:18:17,502
Ah, this seems like a good
place to take a dump.
416
00:18:17,570 --> 00:18:20,605
Leela?! You're alive!
417
00:18:20,673 --> 00:18:22,340
Fry!
418
00:18:22,408 --> 00:18:25,577
But how did you
find this planet?
419
00:18:25,645 --> 00:18:27,312
Well?
420
00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:29,114
(Tortured groaning)
421
00:18:29,181 --> 00:18:31,049
We're actually on Earth.
422
00:18:31,117 --> 00:18:33,118
The ship's homing device
brought us back.
423
00:18:33,185 --> 00:18:34,953
But I saw Earth explode.
424
00:18:35,021 --> 00:18:38,156
I'm actually kind of proud
of this one.
425
00:18:38,224 --> 00:18:39,658
You see, what you saw
426
00:18:39,725 --> 00:18:42,127
was merely a simulation
I rigged up,
427
00:18:42,194 --> 00:18:44,996
using the ship's holographic
targeting projector.
428
00:18:45,064 --> 00:18:48,233
The alleged "telescope"
was a toilet paper tube.
429
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:50,835
You said there wasn't
any toilet paper!
430
00:18:50,903 --> 00:18:53,038
And that humanity was
annihilated!
431
00:18:53,105 --> 00:18:54,572
My motives were pure.
432
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:57,175
I just wanted to you to think
we had to save humanity
433
00:18:57,243 --> 00:18:58,777
so you'd be willing
to have sex.
434
00:18:58,844 --> 00:19:00,512
Please say you believe me.
435
00:19:00,579 --> 00:19:02,847
Yes, I believe you.
436
00:19:02,915 --> 00:19:04,249
Hee-ya!
437
00:19:05,685 --> 00:19:07,519
Yay!
438
00:19:07,586 --> 00:19:10,522
There must be something to
steal on this island.
439
00:19:10,589 --> 00:19:11,890
Hey, it's Leela.
440
00:19:11,957 --> 00:19:13,558
(Cheering)
441
00:19:13,626 --> 00:19:15,226
Let's go home, everybody.
442
00:19:15,294 --> 00:19:17,328
At least the world
wasn't destroyed.
443
00:19:18,531 --> 00:19:20,198
Yet.
444
00:19:23,969 --> 00:19:25,303
V-giny:
People of Earth!
445
00:19:25,371 --> 00:19:28,840
Hear the righteous word
of the mighty V-giny!
446
00:19:28,908 --> 00:19:30,575
(All gasping)
Bender: The mighty V-giny!
447
00:19:30,643 --> 00:19:31,543
(Giggling)
448
00:19:31,610 --> 00:19:32,711
V-giny:
Seeing you frolic
449
00:19:32,778 --> 00:19:34,979
in this unspoiled garden
450
00:19:35,047 --> 00:19:38,016
gives hope that this world
may yet be redeemed.
451
00:19:38,084 --> 00:19:41,820
Huzzah!
The purity chant worked!
452
00:19:41,887 --> 00:19:44,956
Unacceptable wardrobe
malfunction!
453
00:19:45,024 --> 00:19:47,425
I was referring
to Adam and Eve!
454
00:19:47,493 --> 00:19:48,793
We're not Adam and Eve.
455
00:19:48,861 --> 00:19:50,662
You see, due to a series of...
456
00:19:50,730 --> 00:19:54,399
Consummate your union,
or I shall destroy Earth.
457
00:19:54,467 --> 00:19:56,601
(Guns cocking)
458
00:19:56,669 --> 00:19:59,070
Well... if it's to
save Earth...
459
00:19:59,138 --> 00:20:01,639
I guess I could
take one for the team.
460
00:20:01,707 --> 00:20:03,742
Uh, what? Right now?!
461
00:20:03,809 --> 00:20:05,777
But I need a romance first.
462
00:20:05,845 --> 00:20:07,946
Maybe a vanilla candle
or something?
463
00:20:08,013 --> 00:20:09,781
Commence intercourse!
464
00:20:09,849 --> 00:20:11,382
(Clearing throat)
465
00:20:11,450 --> 00:20:13,918
Those giant guns are
making me feel sort
of inadequate.
466
00:20:13,986 --> 00:20:15,553
I'm not sure if I can...
467
00:20:15,621 --> 00:20:18,189
Move it. I gotta get
home and do laundry.
468
00:20:19,391 --> 00:20:21,760
(All groaning)
469
00:20:21,827 --> 00:20:24,362
For God's sake, censor it!
Censor it!
470
00:20:24,430 --> 00:20:26,798
V-giny:
Approved for all audiences!
471
00:20:26,866 --> 00:20:28,366
No!
472
00:20:28,434 --> 00:20:30,168
(Sobbing)
473
00:20:35,174 --> 00:20:37,609
Announcer: And now,
the spicy finale of...
474
00:20:41,213 --> 00:20:43,982
That was a close call,
but we saved Earth.
475
00:20:44,049 --> 00:20:47,318
Was it as good for you as
it was for the human race?
476
00:20:47,386 --> 00:20:48,620
Oh, Zapp.
477
00:20:48,687 --> 00:20:52,123
Let's save another
planet right now!
478
00:20:52,191 --> 00:20:53,725
(Snoring)
479
00:20:56,627 --> 00:21:00,098
Sync by n17t01, corrected by gloriabg
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