1
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NARRATOR: And now,
The Transcredible Exploits
of Zapp Brannigan,

2
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brought to you by
Bartley's Rocket Wax.

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00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,195
I wax my rocket
every day!

4
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No one can save
you now, Leela.

5
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What about
Zapp Brannigan?

6
00:00:39,123 --> 00:00:42,333
Well, obviously,
Zapp Brannigan
could save you...

7
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Zapp Brannigan!

8
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,921
So, Emperor Chop Chop,
once again, we meet at last.

9
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:50,049
Drop that space gun
or I'll shoot, like so.

10
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(GROANS)

11
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(EXCLAIMS)

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Oh, Zapp, tie me back up
and ravish me.

13
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I'd like to, Leela.
So, I will.

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(BOTH LAUGH)

15
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(BOTH MOANING)

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Shake it, baby.
Shake it like...

17
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I surrender and
volunteer for treason.

18
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Emergency summons from
the president, Captain.

19
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Oh, it's you.
Just let me freshen up.

20
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Computer, Captain's musk.

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(SIGHS)

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The long, dramatic corridor.
That's never a good sign.

23
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AUTOMATED VOICE:
Glove recognized.
Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower.

24
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Mr. President.
What the hell?

25
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At ease, Brannigan.

26
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(EXHALES)

27
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What you're about to see
is highly classified.

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Reptilicus,
hit the thingy.

29
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At 0000 hours,

30
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Planet X-3 was attacked
by a mysterious death sphere.

31
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Magnify that death sphere.

32
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Why is it still blurry?

33
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KIF: That's all the
resolution we have.

34
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Making it bigger
doesn't make it clearer.

35
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It does on CSl: Miami.

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(SIGHS)

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NIXON: They fought back
with advanced
military hardware,

38
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but it was like shooting
BBs at Bebe Rebozo.

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That poor, brave hardware.

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NIXON: The sphere
then fired some kind of
hellish blackout ray.

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It erased that planet
like 18 minutes of
incriminating tape.

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Oh, I just wish
I understood why.

43
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Why I should care?

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Because the death sphere
is now on course for Earth!

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(NIXON EXCLAIMS)

46
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My God, we're defenseless,
like fish in a barrel.

47
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Options?

48
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My instinct is to
hide in this barrel,

49
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like the wily fish.

50
00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,888
Then we're down
to our last hope,

51
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a radical new weapon
built by a visionary
scientist

52
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I once dismissed
as crazy!

53
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(LAUGHING)

54
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Let's see how crazy
I am now, Nixon.

55
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The correct answer
is "very."

56
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All right, Professor,

57
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sock it to me!

58
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,116
Top-secret news,
everyone.

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I've developed a tiny,
one-man stealth fighter
that's virtually undetectable.

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How undetectable?

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It's right in front of you.

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I find that...
(GROANS) to believe.

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(ALL EXCLAIMING)

64
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But how exactly is
this Happy Meal toy

65
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going to destroy
a giant death sphere?

66
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From within.

67
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This ship should be able
to sneak, undetected,

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through the sphere's
one vulnerable opening.

69
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What vulnerable opening?

70
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All death spheres have
one vulnerable opening.

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Well, sure,
but who's brave enough
to fly into something

72
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we all keep calling
a death sphere?

73
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I say Brannigan.
I say no.

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I say me.
I say Leela!

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I say yes.
I say no.

76
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I say Leela, too.

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I say yes again.

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I say I shall join her.

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But it's only
a one-man craft, I say.

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There'll only be
one man. Me.

81
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How would you feel
if I rode rear as your
personal tail gunner?

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Creeped out.

83
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Then it's decided!

84
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Are you sure I have to
sit in your lap?

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Lt'll help us achieve
maximum thrust.

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Ugh!
Ugh!

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I made you some
trail mix for the flight.

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Also, this picture,
to remember me.

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You hold on to it.

90
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I'll be back soon.

91
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(SCOFFS)

92
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(BOTH GROAN)

93
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Activating stealth shielding.

94
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Liftoff!

95
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I'll roger that.

96
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Does anybody else feel
aroused and jealous
and worried?

97
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I haven't felt
much of anything
since my guinea pig died.

98
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Death sphere in range.

99
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Engaging
holographic targeting.

100
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Activating the force.

101
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AUTOMATED VOICE:
Feel the entrance, Leela.

102
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Destination on your left
in 0.3 miles.

103
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Zapp to Leela.
Look at all that
surveillance equipment.

104
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We better whisper.

105
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Switching to
pillow talk mode.

106
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LEELA: Look!
What are those huge letters?

107
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ZAPP: V-GINY?

108
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Doesn't ring a bell.

109
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Hmm. I don't like
the looks of this V-GINY.

110
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Does anyone recognize
those call letters?

111
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Nope. It's not in the
Janeway's guide, either.

112
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Deciphering that
ID code is critical.

113
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I'll be in the chamber
of understanding.

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(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

115
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This is it,
the moment we should
have trained for.

116
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Holy...
(BLEEPING)

117
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Incoming yucky.

118
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Firing pocket-rocket!

119
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Don't panic, Leela.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

120
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I hope this is
the control stick.

121
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(METAL CLANGS)

122
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ZAPP: Captain's log.
We've lost control.

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Addendum. Whoa!

124
00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:10,429
NARRATOR: And now,
back to The Transcredible
Exploits of Zapp Brannigan.

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Chapter Two.
The heat thickens.

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(MOANING)
Leela, wake up.

127
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I can't face this
mysterious planet alone

128
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without you or
someone like you.

129
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(BLOWING)

130
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Zapp? Zapp, wake up.

131
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,780
Leela, where are we?

132
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We crashed on
an uncharted planet.

133
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When I woke up,
I was pinned under this tree.

134
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Can you help me?

135
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If anyone can move it,
I can.

136
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(GRUNTING)

137
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No one can move it.
Are you hurt?

138
00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:43,337
No, but I'm so thirsty.

139
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,840
This space suit
is making me sweat
like a sow.

140
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:46,966
Me, too.

141
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:50,553
We'd better strip them off
and continue surviving
au naturel.

142
00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:53,264
Uh, I suppose so.

143
00:07:56,685 --> 00:08:00,563
Here, we can cover ourselves
with these sticky,
sap-covered leaves.

144
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,731
I'll try to avert my eyes
from your nudery.

145
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,442
You will?
What's the point?

146
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:07,111
You'll have to look
sooner or later.

147
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,947
Well, I promise not to
abuse the privilege.

148
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:13,075
For now,
I'd better scout around
for food and water and help.

149
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,911
What a thoughtful and
considerate thing to say.

150
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,329
What the hell's
wrong with you?

151
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:18,873
I'm not quite sure.

152
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:22,209
Perhaps it's the fresh air
or severe head injury.

153
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,336
In any case, I'm off.

154
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:27,673
If you see any steaks,
that'd be good!

155
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,133
(SNIFFS)

156
00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:32,761
Why isn't Leela back yet?
Do you think she's okay?

157
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:36,015
How should I know?
And how come you never
ask if I'm okay?

158
00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:37,892
I'm feeling
a little neglected here.

159
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:41,187
Oh. Sorry.
Are you okay, Bender?
Shut up.

160
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,688
What difference
does it make?

161
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,231
When that death sphere
gets to Earth,

162
00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:46,358
we'll all be blown
to manwich meat.

163
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:48,485
Well, I guess
it's time to indulge

164
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,362
in some end-of-the-world
debauchery.

165
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:51,780
Who's up for an orgy?

166
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,490
Yeah!
Yes!

167
00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:55,868
Nah.
Nah.

168
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:58,162
Maybe a Parcheesi tournament.

169
00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:00,372
Belay that
Parcheesi tournament.

170
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,875
I've identified
the death sphere.

171
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:05,961
We may yet have
a faint hope of survival!

172
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:08,797
Still,
a Parcheesi tournament.

173
00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:12,718
This is a top-secret
military satellite

174
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:15,596
launched by the air force
in 1998.

175
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:21,268
And this is
a top-secret FCC satellite
launched that same year

176
00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:23,854
to censor
indecent TV programs.

177
00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:26,106
Like The Pimpsons
and Ass-o-rama?

178
00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:27,274
Precisely.

179
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:30,402
However,
the satellites collided
shortly after launch

180
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:32,404
and were never
heard from again.

181
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:33,864
I found the board!

182
00:09:33,949 --> 00:09:37,660
Now I've
simulated that collision
using shrapnel-vision.

183
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,086
Granted, all that
makes perfect sense.

184
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:49,546
But why is this death sphere
destroying planets?

185
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,674
That makes
the most sense of all.

186
00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:54,510
Look at the planets
it's destroyed so far.

187
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:57,846
First came X-3,
the nude beach planet,

188
00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:00,683
then, Poopiter,

189
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:05,145
and finally that world
that can't be mentioned
in polite company.

190
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,939
You mean...
(WHISPERING)

191
00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:08,565
How dare you?
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

192
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:13,362
So, the death-sphere is
"censoring" indecent planets?

193
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:17,908
Indeed, and we're next
if we can't keep it in
our collective pants.

194
00:10:17,993 --> 00:10:20,786
Our sole hope
is to persuade
the people of Earth

195
00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:24,248
to abandon
their smutty ways.
(WHIP CRACKS)

196
00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:26,667
So, the orgy's off?

197
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,712
(GROANS) So thirsty.

198
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:32,965
Why couldn't
a water fountain
have fallen on me?

199
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:34,508
I couldn't find any water,

200
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:37,553
but the moisture in these
fruit-and-nut berries
should sustain you.

201
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,971
Thank you.

202
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:42,850
I climbed perilously
high into the trees
to pick them,

203
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:45,561
yet I saw no sign
of intelligent life.

204
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:46,854
Bummer.

205
00:10:46,938 --> 00:10:50,107
Moreover, the crash
totally destroyed our ship.

206
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:52,401
So, we're stuck here
until someone finds us?

207
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,486
Alas,
that may never happen.

208
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:57,364
Stealth technology
makes the ship
impossible to locate,

209
00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,450
yet easy to stub
your crotch on.

210
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:02,369
Well, there's worse places
to be marooned.

211
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:04,538
Plenty of food,
mild climate.

212
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:07,124
It's a veritable
Garden of Eden.

213
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,375
It is?

214
00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:15,591
Hello.

215
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,134
Did that snake
say, "Hello"?

216
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,803
No.
We're both delirious
from dehydration.

217
00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:22,056
Just like Adam and Eve.

218
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:31,148
FARNSWORTH: We can still
save Earth. People are
sure to clean up their act

219
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:35,319
when presented
with cold, hard facts
by rational folks like us.

220
00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:39,990
The end is near!
Repent thy sins!

221
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:44,119
I'll thinks it overs
while I engages
this $5 hooker.

222
00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:46,330
Don't do it!
It's not worth it!

223
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:48,165
Okay, make it $3.

224
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:51,460
Yuck! I don't wants
no $3 hooker.

225
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,213
I'm going backs to
the adults bookstore.

226
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:57,299
Adult bookstore?
I thought this was
the public library.

227
00:11:57,425 --> 00:12:00,177
No. Pubic Library.

228
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:03,180
Zapp? Where are you?

229
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:05,891
Oh, God, I'm actually
starting to miss him.

230
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:08,185
Maybe you two
belong together.

231
00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:10,562
We do not.
And you can't talk.

232
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:11,730
Come on.

233
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:14,358
It must be
an awful temptation.

234
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:17,611
Guess who just
killed a woodchuck
with his bare feet?

235
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:21,281
I thought I'd whip
us up some shelter,

236
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:23,158
make this a little more
like home.

237
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:27,413
I do miss the Earth terribly.
I wonder if it's even
still there.

238
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:28,997
Let's find out together.

239
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:32,501
I'll brave
the ship's wreckage
to fetch you the telescope.

240
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,586
That's so sweet.

241
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,505
I'm just saying, is all.

242
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:53,439
I know my new plan
is a long shot, but it's
the only hope left.

243
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:55,649
Well, now
I've heard everything.

244
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:56,859
On my iPod.

245
00:12:56,943 --> 00:13:00,195
So, do you have
a new plan, Professor?
And is there any hope left?

246
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:04,158
Indeed. We're here on
Earth's last unspoiled acre

247
00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:07,911
to show the death sphere
there's still purity
in the world.

248
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,580
Begin transmitting.

249
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,667
Commence purity chant.

250
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,210
(ALL CHANTING)

251
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,633
Hey, I'm proud
of you, Bender.

252
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:24,344
Avoiding sin for
almost a full minute.

253
00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:25,471
Bender?

254
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:28,140
BENDER: Yeah, baby.
You're quite a dish.

255
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:29,725
(GIGGLING)

256
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,604
Oh, yeah. Oh, no.
Oh, yeah.
(CHUCKLING)

257
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:37,566
Oh, no.
Bender, stop! Stop!

258
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:41,278
Quiet your riot.
What's the worst
that could happen?

259
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,958
No! No!

260
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:56,502
(SOBBING)

261
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:57,753
Earth is gone!

262
00:13:58,087 --> 00:14:01,215
We're the only two humans
left in the universe!

263
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:04,801
Oh, God.
I'm sorry, Leela.

264
00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:09,139
Maybe this was
meant to be.

265
00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:12,267
Maybe you and I
were meant to build
a new world here.

266
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,353
We can avoid
humanity's mistakes.

267
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:15,479
Like the tuba.

268
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:18,232
Yes! We'll be
like Adam and Eve.

269
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:19,775
Only without the tuba.

270
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,736
And we'll beget
little Zapp junior.
And Leela junior.

271
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,155
And they'll have
kids of their... Yuck!

272
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,533
Is that really what
happened in the Bible?

273
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:30,369
It's a sick and twisted
book of holiness, all right.

274
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:31,995
Then we'll write
our own Bible.

275
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,957
With less Sodom
and more Gomorrah.

276
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:36,124
Let's do it.

277
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,710
I shall become the mother
of a new world,

278
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,546
trapped here,
under this tree.

279
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,256
The tree of knowledge!

280
00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:44,466
Look, it even has apples!

281
00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:45,759
Ow!

282
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,261
Wow.

283
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:52,599
Come here, Adam.
Partake of my
forbidden fruit.

284
00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:54,977
Thee will be done.

285
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:07,656
Wait. One more bite
before we begin
the begetting.

286
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,951
Mmm. Juicy.

287
00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:15,330
Those nut berries you
found were so salty,
I couldn't think straight.

288
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,459
I mean,
not to belabor it,

289
00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:22,879
but they were as salty
as that bag of trail mix
Fry gave me.

290
00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:27,467
Exactly as salty.
Hey! Wait a second!

291
00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:29,136
Uh...

292
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:33,181
(GROANING)

293
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:36,852
I have a terrible
confession to make.

294
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,605
You see, when I first
went foraging,

295
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:43,483
what I actually found
was the smoldering
wreckage of the ship.

296
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:48,030
Ignoring all danger,
I charged inside to
liberate our provisions.

297
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,949
So, this is the
trail mix Fry gave me!

298
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:55,829
Yes. I exaggerated
when I said I picked it
from the treetops.

299
00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:59,750
I just wanted you to think
a little better of me.

300
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:02,628
Well, your motives
were good.

301
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:05,464
And we were both
loopy from dehydration.

302
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:06,548
Hey, wait.

303
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,967
You've been doing
an awful lot of urinating.

304
00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:10,969
(GROANING)

305
00:16:11,763 --> 00:16:14,139
There's plenty of water.
You see,

306
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,808
after I selflessly
rescued the trail mix,

307
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:20,062
I braved the flames once more
in search of fluids.

308
00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:28,070
Then why didn't
you give me any?

309
00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:31,990
I thought it might
help you forget your
intense hatred for me

310
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,368
if you were
a teensy bit delirious.

311
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,495
So, you let me dehydrate

312
00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:40,248
while you washed down
the trail mix with
imported mineral water?

313
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,583
(GROANING)

314
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,251
Not exactly.

315
00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:45,337
You see,
besides the trail mix,

316
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,839
the minibar also
contained Doritos,
beef jerky

317
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:50,759
and a generous assortment
of fine chocolates.

318
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,262
I wanted to offer you
the chocolates.

319
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,683
I truly did.
But I was concerned
about your waistline.

320
00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,142
Very concerned.

321
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:01,478
It's because
I haven't been exercising.

322
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:04,564
If only this tree
hadn't fallen on me
by chance.

323
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:06,775
Oh, dear God!

324
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,569
(GROANING LOUDLY)

325
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,698
It was just after
we crashed.

326
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:15,492
I awoke first,
to find you trapped.

327
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,286
Leela! Leela, wake up.

328
00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:35,220
You could've moved
this grub-infested log
any time you wanted?

329
00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:36,638
Well, sure.

330
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,224
But then I wouldn't have
been able to provide
the loving care

331
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:40,559
you wouldn't have needed.

332
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:46,064
I'd leave you to rot
in this paradise,

333
00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,316
if only the ship
weren't destroyed.

334
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:51,445
The ship's fully functional,
isn't it?

335
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:53,530
(GROANING)

336
00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:56,241
You see,
after re-trapping you

337
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:57,909
and before
feigning unconsciousness,

338
00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,036
I paused to enjoy a cigar.

339
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:02,998
Though mellow and satisfying,
it did parch me a bit,

340
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,958
so I went in
search of brandy.

341
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:08,920
That's when
my keen senses detected
the still-invisible ship.

342
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:10,172
(EXCLAIMS)

343
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,508
So, we can
go back to Earth?

344
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:18,597
But there is
no Earth anymore.
Everyone I know is dead!

345
00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:19,848
(SOBBING)

346
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:23,143
This seems like a good place
to take a dump.

347
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,146
Leela? You're alive!

348
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:27,397
Fry!

349
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,859
But how did you
find this planet?

350
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:32,652
Well?

351
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,362
(GROANING)

352
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:36,531
We're actually on Earth.

353
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,700
The ship's homing device
brought us back.

354
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,619
But I saw Earth explode!

355
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:43,747
I'm actually kind of
proud of this one.

356
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:45,540
You see, what you saw

357
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,626
was merely a simulation
I rigged up

358
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:50,462
using the ship's holographic
targeting projector.

359
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:53,715
The alleged telescope
was a toilet paper tube.

360
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,176
You said there wasn't
any toilet paper!

361
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,637
And that humanity
was annihilated!

362
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:00,180
My motives were pure.

363
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,516
I just wanted you to think
we had to save humanity,

364
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,434
so you'd be willing
to have sex.

365
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,228
Please say you believe me.

366
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,480
Yes, I believe you.

367
00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:11,107
(ZAPP GRUNTING)

368
00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:13,068
(CHEERING)

369
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,987
There must be
something to steal
on this island.

370
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:17,405
Hey, it's Leela.

371
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:18,782
(ALL CHEERING)

372
00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:22,911
Let's go home, everybody.
At least the world
wasn't destroyed.

373
00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:25,747
Yet.

374
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:31,086
AUTOMATED VOICE:
People of Earth!

375
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:34,631
Hear the righteous word
of the mighty V-GINY!

376
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:36,132
The mighty V-GINY!

377
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:37,217
(GIGGLES)

378
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:40,679
Seeing you frolic in
this unspoiled garden

379
00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:43,682
gives hope that this world
may yet be redeemed.

380
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:46,434
Huzzah! The purity
chant worked!

381
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:50,522
Unacceptable
wardrobe malfunction!

382
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:52,983
I was referring
to Adam and Eve.

383
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:56,444
We're not Adam and Eve.
You see, due to
a series of...

384
00:19:56,529 --> 00:20:00,115
Consummate your union
or I shall destroy Earth.

385
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:01,741
(ALL GASP)

386
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:07,289
Well, if it's to save Earth,
I guess I could
take one for the team.

387
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:11,293
You what? Right now?
But I need a little
romance first.

388
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,461
Maybe a vanilla candle
or something?

389
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,422
Commence intercourse!

390
00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:19,509
Those giant guns are
making me feel
sort of inadequate.

391
00:20:19,594 --> 00:20:21,553
I'm not sure if I can...
Move it.

392
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,305
I've got to get home
and do laundry.

393
00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,933
(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST)

394
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:30,061
For God's sake,
censor it! Censor it!

395
00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:32,397
Approved for all audiences!

396
00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:35,525
No!

397
00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:43,325
NARRATOR: And now,
the spicy finale

398
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:47,037
of The Transcredible Exploits
of Zapp Brannigan.

399
00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:49,831
That was a close call,
but we saved Earth.

400
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:53,001
Was it as good for you
as it was for the human race?

401
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:57,797
Oh, Zapp. Let's save
another planet right now!

402
00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:58,965
(SNORING)

403
00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:38,046
ENGLISH - US - PSDH