Relic Hunter 309 Incognito
[chanting]
With this spell of courage,
I give you the strength
Of a thousand men.
[screaming]
[machine gun fire]
SOLIDER: they're getting away!
[machine gun fire]
Over there.
Who are those guys?
All I know
Is that they want that
And they've got a gun.
SOLIDER: try to pick up their tracks.
SOLIDER 2: I thought they came this way.
SOLIDER: they must have taken the other fork.
Let's retrace their steps.
SOLIDER2: right.
Come on, it's not far to the boat.
[machine gun fire]
SOLIDER: they're getting away!
SYDNEY: Nigel.
I'll take that.
SYDNEY: Nigel, do you have a twin?
Let's talk about this first.
Come to some sort of arrangement.
I have one in mind.
I'll take the lancet,
You die.
Look there's no need for violence.
We're all reasonable people.
Speak for yourself.
Melanesian cora- bungee trap.
Yeah.
Quite suitable for big game.
[machine gun fire]
Oh. Come on.
[machine gun fire]
NIGEL: morning.
Oh, hey.
How's everything with that cut?
What did the doctor say?
Oh, they're going to run
A few routine blood tests.
But I had a tetanus boost not long ago.
Are you trying to open that?
It's totally stuck.
I've called maintenance.
Shall I try?
Are you sure?
Oh, yeah, I feel fine.
Better than ever,
As a matter of fact.
I thought you said it was stuck?
It was.
Sydney already left?
Yeah.
She wasn't really looking forward
To the conference, though.
Sounds pretty dull, if you ask me.
Well, the organizer's a friend
Of the university chancellor.
She couldn't really turn him down again.
Oh, Sydney asked me to remind you
To finish authenticating the lancet.
Right.
KAREN: hi, can I help you?
KATE: yes, I'm...
Kate.
Nigel.
It's nice to see you again.
What brings you here?
Sydney gave me a tip
On that relic you recovered
Down in new guinea.
KAREN: oh, I'm afraid Sydney's
At a conference.
Actually, Nigel is the one
That I wanted to see.
Oh, yes.
Of course.
Excuse me, where are my manners?
Kate Hemphill, Karen Patresky.
Hi.
NIGEL: Kate's with Interpol.
We've shared some history.
Oh, what kind of history?
Shall we talk in Sydney's office?
Yes.
You look fantastic.
Thanks.
That's nothing serious, I hope.
No, no.
We followed up Sydney's tip
About the man who got skewered
Chasing you two.
It turns out that he was high up
On Interpol's most wanted list.
NIGEL: well, that's him all right.
KATE: Ian Worthingham.
Arrogant, cold blooded,
Baby-faced killer
And ruthless thief.
NIGEL: I can attest to that.
He bragged to an informant of ours
That the lancet he was after
Was his ticket to a very big deal.
And we want to know what it was.
Dead men tell no tales.
This one might.
Take another look.
Who does he resemble?
Hugh grant?
You.
Especially if you were
To wear glasses like his.
Why do I feel this is leading to something?
KATE: Worthingham booked a flight
And a hotel room in Lisbon.
He was to await further
Instructions there.
Impersonate him?
Why not?
What do you want me to do,
Lie on a slab and hold my breath?
No, we've covered up the fact that he's dead.
Interpol arrested the two men
That were with him in new guinea
And spread the word that Ian Worthingham
Made it out alive with the lancet.
Kate, this...
This is not my field.
You need someone...
You need someone like Sydney.
She can't pass for Worthingham.
Well of course she can't, she's a woman,
But someone with her abilities.
KATE: Nigel...
Nigel, this is just the tip
Of a major international iceberg.
There could be dozens,
Hundreds of relics
Waiting to be recovered
If we crack this.
You're both British.
You're both expert in relics.
And you're his dead ringer.
That's a poor choice for words.
This plan could work.
Excuse me.
I do have to warn you, though,
Worthingham's plan was to sell
The lancet to the gural natez.
Gural natez?
Uh huh.
The gural natez don't stop at
Anything when it comes to a relic.
Even murder.
Nigel, if it were any other group
I would have a lot of back-up standing by.
But the gural natez would
Sniff them out in an instant.
It would just be you and me.
You and me alone?
Uh huh.
And for now, secrecy is
Our one big advantage.
NIGEL: Karen, something's come up.
Kate and I are going to Lisbon.
Lisbon?
Yeah. If anyone calls
Looking for me, tell them I'm here,
But I'm too busy to come to the phone
And I'll check in with you when we get there.
What about Syd?
Well, there's no need to worry her.
All right.
Tell me?
Sorry.
Have you seen the cylindrical
Carry case for this?
Yeah, it fell behind the bookcase.
I've been meaning to get maintenance
To come and get it out.
NIGEL: not to worry.
Here it is.
What?
What are you doing with the lancet?
Need-to-know, I'm afraid.
Besides, it'll be back
Before anyone misses it.
Bye.
KATE: bye.
KAREN: ancient studies.
Just thought I'd check in
Before you left for the night.
How's Nigel?
He's...
He's fine.
Can you ask Nigel
If he's finished authenticating
That lancet yet?
Actually, he's on his way
To Lisbon with it.
Lisbon?
Didn't say why,
Just that it was need-to-know.
Need-to-know?
Nigel?
Some chick from Interpol
Came by...
Kate Hemphill?
Nigel got all excited
About helping her.
With what?
Didn't say.
They just rushed out
To catch the next plane.
DOCTOR: ah, doctor Fox?
Doctor Fox?
Hurry, they're about
To present the awards.
Come, come.
SYDNEY: look, I really have to go.
But can you have him call me
And fill me in?
Come, come.
Welcome to Lisbon, Mr Worthingham.
Thank you.
You will be doing some fishing
While in Portugal?
Yes.
No.
None of your business.
Room 502.
Armando will show you to your room.
I'll take care of this one myself.
Thank you.
Slow elevator.
Yes.
Don't touch that.
Case, Worthingham.
Give me the lancet
Or I will kill you.
Are you okay?
Jet lag.
Yes, sir.
Excuse me, Mr Worthingham would
Like to see you in room 502.
Mr Worthingham?
Yes.
You are the only pretty brunette
In the lobby, are you not?
Right.
Thank you. This way.
[knocking at the door]
You blew my cover.
I gave the desk clerk your description,
Not your name.
I could hardly drag him through
The lobby with me, could I?
He came for the lancet.
You disarmed him in the elevator?
Something's happened to me
Since we came back from new guinea.
What?
Look, legend surrounds the lancet
Says that anyone cut by it
Gains incredible strength.
Nigel.
I can't think of any other
Explanation, can you?
Well, what about our mission?
I'd say it increases
The probability of success,
Wouldn't you sweetheart?
KATE: you get anything out of him?
He's all clammed up.
How did you know about the lancet?
I guess you want to go to jail
For a long time, tough guy.
Interpol.
I can make it happen.
This can go easy
Or hard.
Personally, I prefer the latter.
THUG: I have nothing to say to you.
Really?
You stay away from me.
Maybe it's time we used
The kali pressure points.
No.
No, no more.
He's an animal.
NIGEL: all I have to do
Is press lightly
Above the shoulder blades.
There's one around here somewhere.
[screaming]
Now, if I press two shoulder blades.
Okay, okay!
THUG: look, I got a tip
That Worthingham was coming.
I knew the lancet was worth a lot.
I thought I would try to steal it
And find a buyer myself.
Thank you.
Now we're getting somewhere.
You've stolen the lancet, then what?
I was going to do
The same thing as you were.
Which is?
You don't know?
No, I know,
I just want to know what you know.
Look, and don't lie,
Otherwise I'll start searching
For more pressure points.
I was going to go to
The sunken anchor tonight at ten.
What's the sunken anchor?
Look, these are rough people.
It can be our little secret.
If you don't cooperate,
Count on disappearing forever.
It's a bar down on the waterfront.
I was told to ask
For a deep slow kiss.
That's a drink.
It's also the signal
That you're the guy with the lancet.
I don't know any more than that.
I swear!
Now what?
I call local Interpol
To send in a disposal team
To pick him up.
Nice work.
DOCTOR: there you are, dr Fox.
Where are you going?
Actually, I was thinking about
Catching the first plane out of here.
Oh, oh.
That's very funny.
You really got me there.
You must meet dr. Fitzroy.
He's doing some amazing research
On the history of sanitation
In central Europe.
Well, that's not exactly my...
Oh, come, come.
We must all broaden our horizons?
And then?
NIGEL: fifth and sixth form
At Hambleton academy.
KATE: years?
'86 to '87,
Then naughty little Ian
Got expelled for drinking in the dorm.
'94.
NIGEL: '94, I...
'94, I graduated and...
Remind me.
Are you sure you want
To go through with this?
Absolutely.
I don't know,
Maybe I should just call in
A support team
And stake out the bar.
No, no.
Look, you said yourself
If the gural natez
Gets a sniff of Interpol,
Then we lose every chance
We ever had of catching them.
I did, didn't I?
Yes, you did.
What's wrong?
You've changed.
Well, I...
I feel different.
No, I...
No, no, I don't mean just from this.
There's something more.
There's this...
This inner strength
That I've never noticed before.
Maybe that comes from being alone
In a hotel room with
The most beautiful woman in the world.
That's something that
The old Nigel would never have said.
No.
Thought.
Well, whatever caused the change,
I'm glad.
Me too.
I always got the feeling
You didn't really like the old me.
No, it's not that I didn't like you.
I guess in terms of attraction,
I have to feel that a man is
My equal both mentally as well as...
Physically.
And now?
Now...
Now, it's...
It's... It's nine-thirty.
KATE: do you have a cigarette?
NIGEL: Kate?
KATE: you're right,
It's probably a bit cliche.
Okay.
How do I look?
Well, if you're trying
To distract me, then perfect.
Nigel.
Worthingham is probably known
To half the scum in there.
So if anything goes wrong,
If anyone recognizes you,
Let me handle it.
Is this free?
Yes, it's free.
And I want for it
To stay that way.
Unfortunately,
It's the only free chair in the bar.
I'd like a deep slow kiss please.
Unless you want to use that
To clean your nails,
It might not be a bad idea
I'd you put it away.
Rico Mateus.
NIGEL: Ian Worthingham.
The limey that pulled off
The caper in Sumatra?
Yes.
Hey, it's Ian Worthingham, Sumatra.
No, it's not.
He's Nigel Bailey.
Nigel Bailey.
I am sick of being mistaken
For Nigel Bailey.
There is no mistake about it.
You are him.
Nigel Bailey is nothing but a...
Namby pamby do-gooder.
You are not fooling me.
He's Nigel Bailey.
Him and Sydney Fox
Have gotten dozens of us arrested.
Huh?
I hear Nigel's a bit of a wimp.
That is right.
You are.
NIGEL: oh, I'm a wimp?
THUG: that is right, Bailey.
You are.
Thanks.
Still think I'm Nigel Bailey?
Well...
You look like Nigel Bailey.
Could Nigel Bailey do this?
Or that?
Could Nigel Bailey do that?
No, he couldn't.
Thank you.
I'll pay for the damage.
Considering the way the place looked before,
20 dollars should cover it.
May I take your order,
Mr. Worthingham?
I'd like a deep slow kiss, please.
You have it?
Yes.
Where was it found?
New guinea.
Age?
Circa 16th century.
I mean you.
When were you born?
NIGEL: April 18th, 1974.
Mother's maiden name?
Bolger.
All right, Mr. Worthingham,
In that case I have something for you.
A deep slow kiss.
I thought it was a drink.
Saint Viviana's church
In Valetta on the isle of Malta.
Be there tomorrow morning
At 9:30 am with the relic.
Malta?
That doesn't give me much time.
What if I don't get there?
Then the deal's off
And someone will be very upset with you.
Very impressive performance.
I was touch and go
There for a while.
No, I meant the kiss.
Oh.
Thanks.
ANNOUNCER: the panel discussions will begin
In one half hour in lecture hall a.
DOCTOR: dr Fox.
Trying to escape again, I see.
Dr. Sagmeister, what a surprise.
Is there a problem?
KAREN: there is an emergency.
Oh, really?
SYDNEY: Karen, my assistant, is here.
Karen, dr. Sagmeister,
The foremost authority on
Ethiopian culinary implements.
Oh, you're far, far too kind.
I'm just one of
The foremost authorities.
Imagine.
Dr Fox, I need to talk to you.
Urgently?
Yes.
You see?
But you're going to
Miss my presentation.
NIGEL: saint Viviana's.
Looks harmless enough.
It's almost 9:30.
I better get going.
Be careful, Nigel.
Ian.
Relax.
One more thing.
[♪]
ISA: would you like me to light one for you?
You'll need it.
Don't I know you?
Ennio awaits.
Well we better not keep him waiting.
I'm glad you have made it.
Yes, me too.
You have the lancet?
Right here.
I have convinced them.
Good.
If the relic is genuine,
You will be taken into
The inner circle tonight.
Then let's get on with it.
For so long we have dreamed of this day,
Did we not, my old friend?
Yes, old friend.
You sound different, Ian.
Pardon?
Your voice.
Cold.
Bad cold. Ahem.
Sore throat.
I see.
ENNIO: tell me, Ian,
How is your mother?
Still dead.
Car crash, 1996.
Yes, of course, I forgot.
One more question,
If you don't mind.
Get on with it.
You're wasting time.
You sound anxious.
Not yourself.
And you sound like
You're beating about the bush.
You lie about who you are.
But the question remains,
Who are you
And where is my friend, Ian?
What does it really matter
Who I am? I have what you want.
You have the lancet?
Right here.
Show me.
We can still make a deal, right?
Do you know who we are?
Listen, if the gural natez
Are not interested,
I can always find another buyer.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Uh oh.
[♪]
ENNIO: did you find his glasses?
ISA: no one will know we have him
Or where he went.
You're getting paranoid, Ennio.
[♪]
He looks meek now,
But you should have seen him in Lisbon.
He was a superman.
Show me how it works.
The lancet,
Show me how it works.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Your feats of great strength
Back at the sunken anchor.
New diet,
Workout schedule...
It can do wonders.
If you untie me,
I'll share my secrets with you.
What's this?
A prick of its tip empowered you.
Is that not the legend?
What are you doing?
SYDNEY: hello, Karen?
KAREN: Sydney.
Have you heard from Kate?
Yeah, she's been trying
To get a hold of you.
Can you patch me through?
I'll try.
The connection's pretty awful.
Sounds like she's at the bottom of a well.
KATE: hello?
Kate.
Your office has been
Trying to reach you for me.
I'm in Valetta.
Where's Nigel?
The gural natez have him.
The gural natez?
KATE: at st. Viviana's church.
Kate.
I've called for back-up,
But it's going to take them a while to get here.
I'm on my way.
So who are you?
What does it really matter?
I mean, I'll concede
I'm not your old chum
Ian Worthingham, but...
ENNIO: I asked you a question.
A man in Lisbon said he looked like
Someone called Nigel Bailey.
ISA: he said that Bailey worked
For Sydney Fox.
You work for the relic hunter, Sydney Fox?
The same Sydney Fox who has
A gural natez bounty on her head?
What are you talking about?
One of our inner circle
Has put a price on the head of Sydney Fox.
Where is she?
I don't know.
I mean, she isn't involved in this.
She doesn't even know that I'm here.
I find that hard to believe.
You two are partners, are you not?
No.
ENNIO: yes.
She is sure to come looking for you.
Where's your back-up?
Not here yet.
Sydney, I'm sorry.
Sydney Fox is a thorn in
The side of the gural natez.
We'd love to remove that thorn.
Spread the word, we have a guest.
GUARD: can I help you?
Oh, hi.
Oh, I'm with the...
With the tour group.
And I, well, I wandered off.
Now I found this trap door an I...
And I came... Came down and,
Well, here I am.
Sydney.
ENNIO: Sydney Fox.
I knew she'd come for you.
Careful, Sydney,
He's already cut himself with the lancet.
You get Nigel,
I'll take care of him.
Are you all right?
Hurry.
I will kill you for
The glory of the gural natez.
Thanks, Nigel.
Are you all right?
Yeah.
You?
Never better.
[yelling]
Well, it sounds like we're drawing a crowd.
So unless you want to get a few more rounds in.
GUARD: up there.
I've had enough for two lifetimes.
GUARD: quick, they're getting away!
Thanks. Bye bye.
Interpol says they've picked up
Ennio and his girlfriend
And quite a few gural natez operatives
At the airport trying to get out.
I won't be happy until every one
Of those cutthroats is behind bars.
Well, it's a good start.
You should have seen him, Karen.
NIGEL: yes.
While it lasted,
I was magnificent.
So I've been hearing.
It's very unmodest of me,
I know, but true.
I could tell Kate was impressed.
And it had nothing to do
With your lancet.
Well, of course not.
Judging a person purely on
His or her physical abilities
Would be shallow.
Far beneath a woman like Kate.
Far beneath.
NIGEL: however, there is something to be said
For a certain amount of...
Just perhaps, one little nick
Wouldn't be too bad?
Close the box.
Just one little itty, bitty...
SYDNEY: Nigel.
Hello?
Kate, you're early.
Yeah.
Well, alright then.
Subtitle by: Kiasuseven