♪ love it wants to heal you ♪
♪ love ♪
♪ and see the real you ♪
♪ but you have to open up ♪
- ♪ when you need a little love ♪ - ♪ na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
- ♪ yeah, yeah ♪ - ♪ na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
- ♪ yeah ♪ - ♪ na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
♪ we need a little ♪
♪ love ♪
Wow, sheryl, that was awesome.
Aw, thank a lot, you're so sweet.
And how was I?
I mean, I didn't think I'd have to beg for it.
- You were great. - Oh, stop. You're embarrassing me.
Thanks, hannah. Thanks, sheryl. That was just beautiful.
- [bellows] lunch! - [bell rings]
Sorry about ronnie. He gets excited on fajita fridays.
It's not just fajitas. This morning, I was in wardrobe, when he heard there was an
[screams] omelet bar.
[hannah groans]
[cell phone rings]
Hey, lilly. Is oliver there yet?
No, and he should've been here an hour ago!
- Stop bugging me about it! - I get it, you're nervous.
You haven't seen oliver in two months
And you're scared he's gonna walk in, take one look at you
And go "ugh, she is not as pretty as I remembered."
[sobbing] no... I just couldn't find the tweezers.
Ooh, ah, bathroom cabinet, third drawer down.
- Don't worry, you look great. - You can't even see me!
Jeesh!
♪ whoa, oh, oh, oh, whoa ♪
Ow! Ow!
Ow!
Are they even?
- Sure, they look great. - Liar!
"come on, dad, let lilly move in! It'll be so much fun."
Ok, all right. I know, I know.
I'm acting stupid, I'm sorry. It's gonna stop right now.
- [doorbell rings] - he's here! Get out of the way!
- [thudding] - well, that got my morning bran muffin moving south.
- [gasps] ollie-pop! - Lilly-pop!
Hi! Oh, wow, look at this place.
- Yeah. - Hey, mr. Stewart. How you doing?
Stop it, son, we both know you don't care.
He so gets me. [clears throat]
- I missed you. - I missed you more!
It's gonna be so fun.
I did all my homework, I took off work, it's gonna be perfect!
- Well, almost perfect. - Oh... Oh, no.
Oh, it's my eyebrows. They're uneven.
- Look away! - Lilly, it's not your eyebrows.
- Oh... - It's miley.
Miley's eyebrows look great.
It's that one funny tooth I'm begging her to fix.
I'm not talking about her teeth, I'm talking about jake.
Why are we talking about jake's teeth?
Because they were nibbling all over another girl's ear last night.
He was cheating?
Yesterday, my band was in phoenix where jake's
Shooting his movie, and my drummer texted me this.
- Oh, my... - Lee! Oh, miley!
- Oliver! So good to see you! - Hi.
Look at us back together. This is going to be the best weekend ever!
[lilly and oliver] yeah...
[miley] whoo!
Here we go, everybody!
♪ come on ♪
♪ you get the limo out front ♪
♪ oooh ♪
♪ hottest styles every shoe, every color ♪
♪ yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun ♪
♪ it's really you but no one ever discovers ♪
♪ who would have thought that a girl like me ♪
♪ would double as a superstar ♪
Whooo!
♪ you get the best of both worlds ♪
♪ chill it out take it slow ♪
♪ then you rock out the show ♪
♪ you get the best of both worlds ♪
♪ mix it all together and you know ♪
♪ that it's the best of both worlds ♪
Timecodes By YesCool www.Addic7ed.com
[lilly and oliver] yeah...
Ok... We just passed nice and headed straight into awkward.
I get it. You feel bad because you're a couple
And without jake I'm little miss lonely.
[lilly and oliver] yeah...
Ok, we just passed awkward and headed straight into creepy.
[cell phone rings]
Hello? Oh, hey, andy.
Andy samberg, absolutely adores me, doing my holiday special.
What do you mean you can't do my holiday special?
- I never trusted jake. Never! - I know, I know.
Miserable two-timing big blond bag of butthead!
- I know, I know. - Men. Worthless. All of them!
I know! I...
I see, I don't know about that.
Oh, honey, you're not a man. You're oliver.
Well, all right.
Look, when she gets off the phone, you have to tell her really quick.
Like you're ripping off a bandage.
Oh, no, no, no. I can never do that.
I usually like to soak it in hot water and let it fall off...
This could be a very lonely weekend for you.
- I'm gonna go tell her. - Ok...
Unbelievable! People make commitments
And then they let you down. It's like you can't trust anybody!
Well... [clears throat]
- Funny you should say that. - Oh!
It's almost time for my holiday special, and now one of my guest stars has flaked out.
Huh! Well, speaking of flakey actors...
This is crazy.
It's totally getting me all freaked out and now it's gonna ruin my performance.
I cannot let that happen.
The kids of america, a good part of europe,
Most of asia, and south america and australia deserve better than that!
But I just gotta focus on the positive:
I mean, I've got great friends and a wonderful boyfriend.
Oliver's got something to tell you.
Yeah... [chuckles]
You left out canada.
I didn't wanna come off braggy, but...
You know what? It's ok. I can find another guest star.
I've got tons of celebrities in my phone.
Ooh, hate him. She hates me.
Does not look good in hd!
You are such a bandage soaker!
Hey, you saw how upset she got!
If I tell her now it'll ruin her holiday special.
Yeah, and if you don't tell and she finds out that we knew he was cheating,
She's gonna hate me!
I mean, we're best friends, we don't keep secrets from each other.
Ok, so you want her to have a broken heart
And a rotten holiday special?
What kind of best friend are you?
Oh, I hate when you're right.
So we're not gonna kiss now, are we?
Ooh... Well, look who's right again.
[sighing theatrically] siena...
[sighing theatrically] siena!
Oh, sweet pete, son!
Between the internet and interrupting kids,
It's no wonder newspapers are dyin' out!
You know there's gonna be a world full of
Puppies and parakeets with nothin' to pee on,
And it's gonna be on your head!
Pun intended.
I'm sorry, it's just that siena's been modeling all week
- And I miss her like crazy. - For goodness sakes.
Get off my lap and go and see the girl. You're crushin' marmaduke!
Great idea! You wanna give me the 2,000 in cash
Or write me a check?
What do you need two grand for?
She's modeling in peru. Didn't I say that?
I'm not giving you $2,000 to fly to peru!
If you're that dagonne lonely, why don't you take that shirt out for dinner and a movie.
[high-pitched voice] you're a mean man.
Stop that. That's weird.
Yeah, I get it, your girlfriend's not in peru!
You don't have to rub it in my face!
Come on, al. If you won't sell me the arcade,
At least sell me the pizza place.
- Would that make you happy? - Yes.
Then, no!
It's not just that I don't like you, which I don't.
It's that I prefer to do my deals with people who keep
Their baby teeth in a lucite box and not their mouth!
[scoffs] I do not!
Ok, only one and it's wiggling. See?
Look, you're a nice... Look, you're a kid.
Get your daddy here and maybe the two of us can talk business.
Fine. Fine! You want my dad?
I'll get you my dad.
Mami, when does papi get back from the national tour of the king and I?
That long?
Curse his mid-life crisis and that beautiful baritone voice!
Four years of spanish and that's the best you can do?
Five. And yes!
The point is, for $2,000 I'll pretend to be your dad.
Ha! Like anyone would believe you're my dad.
Hey, if it doesn't work, I'll set you up with one of siena's
B-b-b-bikini model friends.
Papi!
♪ yeah, yeah, hey, yeah wha-oo ♪
[lilly] no, oliver, I haven't said anything to her.
I said I wouldn't and I won't, now stop nagging.
- [flushing] - what was that?
Was that a flush? Oh, have a little class!
I'll talk to you later. Goodbye.
[phone beeps]
[loud whisper] miley!
Are you sleeping?
Ok, look...
I promised oliver I wouldn't say anything to you.
So I won't, ok? I'll just talk to myself.
Gee, lilly, jake is such a terrible boyfriend.
If he loved miley he would be here right now.
Yep, she should break up with him.
Break up with him. Break up with him...
- Lilly? Wake up. - Hmm? Is everything ok?
I was having the strangest dream.
I was mad at jake 'cause he wasn't here.
Huh. Yeah. Yeah, he isn't here.
He's hardly ever here.
Huh...
And in the dream I want to tell him how I felt.
How you felt, well.
You should do that right now.
You should tell him how you feel.
I don't know...
No, do it! Do it, do it, do it, do it..
You know what? I think I will.
- Ok. - Jake, listen.
You're never around and I'm not gonna take it anymore.
Yeah! She ain't gonna take it!
I know you're shooting a movie, but oliver's on tour
- And he came back to visit lilly! - Yes, he did.
And, um, I guess what I'm just trying to say is...
Yeah! You can do it! Come on, tell him!
Please come home for the weekend.
- I really miss you. - Yes! You what?
You can even do my christmas special!
It'll be so much fun.
- You will? - He will?
- He will! - Of course he will.
Jake is the best boyfriend ever!
I never would've called him if I didn't have that dream.
Great.
♪ hey, yeah, hey, yeah ♪
I still can't believe jake rearranged
His entire shooting schele just to come visit me.
Yeah, I can't believe a lot of things jake does.
Dad, focus. I need your full attention.
This is very important. Scarf or no scarf?
I'm liking the scarf.
- Really? - Really.
That settles it. No scarf.
Mile, the show's not until tonight.
- What's all the fuss about? - Jake's gonna be here any minute.
What's all the fuss about?
Look, I get it. None of you guys
- Are exactly wild about jake. - Wild about him?
- I can't stand the... - [doorbell rings]
He's here!
[grunting]
That settles it!
Next christmas, I'm asking santa for steel undies.
- Miley! - Jakey!
- Jerky... - I heard that.
I cannot believe you came!
Hey, you needed me and I'm here.
- Hey, mr. Stewart. - Hey, jake.
- [knuckles cracking] - aah...
- Daddy! - What?
That's my happy shake.
Which means there's an angry shake.
You don't wanna take that ride.
- [squeaking] no, sir. - That's my boy.
They're not numb this time.
I think he's warming up to me.
- Hey, lilly. - Jake, hi...
Look at you. You just look so good.
- Little hard there! - , I'm sorry.
I'm overcome with emotions. Anfeelings.
- Very strong feelings. - Release!
♪ yo, mike stanley's back with a slide and a shake ♪
♪ he's ready to roll and th's no mis... ♪ jake!
Jake's here. [chuckles] why is jake here?
Just supporting my girl.
You're not the only good boyfriend on the planet.
[chuckles nervously] jake's here.
Is stupid part of the whole mike stanley thing?
No...
Well, jake and I have got to go. We've got rehearsals.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys go on.
We'll meet up with you. We need some alone time
- Oh, yeah! - Know what I'm sayin'?
- I know. All right. - You kids get out of here.
Crazy... What did you do?
- So, where's your dad? - He'll be here.
He just likes to make an entrance.
[up-tempo disco plays]
[rolling r's] rico!
Uh... Papi...!
You must be al blaine.
I am rico senior.
May I call you al? Of course I can, I just did.
Watch, I'll do it again. Al.
Such a lovely name. And you are a lovely man.
You wanna do business or you wanna
Take me out for a malted?
So direct. I love it.
Look. I've got goosebump right here.
Go ahead and feel. You know you want to.
I don't think he wants to feel your goosebump, papi.
You don't want to feel my goosebump?
Oddly enough, no. Come on, let's talk some turkey.
So forceful. I'm getting another... I won't say it.
But you know.
Here's what I do know.
That is the worst fake accent and goatee I've ever seen.
Look, al, I can explain...
You. You lie to me, you disrespect me,
You treat me like a fool just to close a lousy, stinkin' deal.
I love that.
Does it give you a goosebump?
He knows!
You want the place that bad, you got it.
My people'll send ya the papers.
And I'll take this for my trouble.
Aah... Hmm...
Soft, nice. Like having a little kitty cat on my head.
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Siena, here I come!
♪ hey, yeah, hey, yeah ♪
♪ when the darkness leaves you lonely ♪
♪ or the world tries to push you away ♪
♪ when your sky is looking troubled ♪
♪ you can count on me ♪
- ♪ 'cause I'm gonna stay ♪ - ♪ I'm gonna stay ♪
♪ put your worries in my pocket ♪
♪ I've got a key so we can lock it ♪
♪ I swear that I won't let them escape ♪
All the kids for the mrs. Ntacl.
[sighs] look, I don't care. We have to tell her.
We can't tell her now.
We have to! If she kisses jake and then finds out
We knew he was cheating,
I'm gonna end up living in a one room apartment with my dad!
Try sharing a bathroom with a guy who's lactose intolerant
And then can't say no to ice cream. Ok, it's not pleasant.
♪ understands ♪
♪ love, it wants to heal you ♪
- ♪ love ♪ - ♪ and see the real you ♪
♪ but you have to open up ♪
- ♪ when you need a little love ♪ - ♪ na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
- ♪ yeah, yeah ♪ - ♪ na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
- ♪ yeah ♪ - ♪ na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
♪ need a little love ♪
And we're... Out!
[bell rings]
- That was awesome, sheryl. - Thanks.
And, again. Is there something you want to tell me?
I'm out of hot water in my dressing room. Maybe you could get somebody on that?
Oh, and you were great. But I mean it about the hot water.
I'm low maintenance, but seriously.
So what'd you guys think?
Oh, it was great, it was fantastic. We loved the sketch.
- It was a song. - That told a story like a sketch.
In a melodic way.
Yeah. You're great at everything you do.
And nobody can take that away from you.
- You just hold on to that. - Are you guys ok?
Yeah, everything's great. Wonderful.
Who's jake? And why is he a cheater?
- Uh... - I have no idea what he's talking about.
You said jake was a cheater.
Did he cheat on a test?
- Oliver? - How cute is this guy?
- Why don't you run along? - What's going on?
Jake cheated on you.
What?
My drummer sent me this two days ago.
You've got to get changed for the mrs. Claus sketch.
I know. In a second.
You guys knew for two days and didn't tell me?
I only knew for one day.
We didn't want to ruin your show.
Oh, yeah? Well, how's that working out for ya?
Places!
[bell rings]
- Wow, you look great. - Oh, yeah? How do my ears look?
Good enough to nibble on?
What?
[ronnie] and... Action!
Ho, ho, ho! Who's next?!
Wait a minute, you're not santa.
No, I'm mrs. Claus.
Santa's busy finishing up all the toys for the good girls and boys.
And I'm here to make sure all the bad kids... [growling] get nothing.
Ok...
So, have you been a good little boy?
[grunts]
Yes, I have.
[chuckles] no, you haven't.
- [chuckles] yes, I have. All year long. - Liar!
Santa sees everything! And so do I!
We have little elves that go to the clubs
And take pictures with their cell phones!
What's going on?
That miserable, two-timing weasel!
Oh! Mrs. Claus! I thought I was getting a puppy!
Oh, why? So you can cheat on it with another puppy?
In a tacky tube-top!
[both grunting]
- You want me to call "cut"? - No, you can let this one go.
[both grunting]
I'm sorry. I mess up!
But it was only one puppy.
There were lots of other puppies that I never even looked at.
Oh, well santa does believe in forgiveness.
But santa's not here!
Eat snow, cheater!
♪ oh, yeah ♪
So are the producers mad I ruined the skit?
Who cares. It was my favorite part of the show.
So I guess this means we're on the naughty list, too?
What do you think?
When jake did what he did,
He was thinking about himself.
When lilly and oliver did what they did,
They were thinking about you.
You have a very wise dad.
Suppose I do.
So you forgive us?
If I didn't, who else would give me a hug right now?
- Miley? - Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!
Hey, guys, it's ok.
- Listen, I... - Jake.
I know.
You love me, you're sorry and you want another chance.
But I'm not gonna get another one, am I?
'bye, jake.
If it makes you feel any better, someone stole my clothes
So I have to fly back to phoenix like this.
Ok, which one of you all did it?
That mean I get a hug, too?
Timecodes By YesCool www.Addic7ed.com