Relic Hunter 318 Faux Fox
How long do we have?
(castilla:)Spain has fallen.
There's a regiment behind me.
The french may occupy Spain,
But they'll never seize her crown.
I won't see my birthright
Cut into baubles for josephine.
But the french army...?
Come with me.
This passage will take you to safety.
Take the jewelleries, hide them.
I shall send word of their whereabouts.
Welcome to Spain.
(nigel:)we shouldn't be doing this.
You're a student.
(lorraine:)oh, come on. Please?
Oh. Wha...
See? It's just a regular office.
Ha ha... Yeah.
Graceland is just a regular home.
God, I can't believe I'm standing
In sydney fox's office.
Well, actually, you're not.
That's sydney's office.
(lorraine:)oh, my god.
A tuareg knife.
Yeah, it's from...
Shakti's mound. I know.
Discovered in the sub-sahara
Near timbuktu, June 22nd, 1999,
By sydney fox and nigel bailey.
Hah... And this.
This is a gahmnan funeral mask,
From banabatu village.
Ivory coast.
This looks like a vetti scroll.
You've done your homework.
Yeah, well, that's about all I've done.
Your life must be so exciting.
Well, it has its moments.
Yeah? Well,
You're not afraid of anything, are you?
Well, what can I say?
I mean, at the end of the day, I'm...
Just a regular guy.
(lorraine:)no, no, no, no.
Regular guys, they eat hotdogs
And go bowling on Saturday night.
You ever been bowling?
I didn't think so.
And on Saturday night, you'll be
In seville hunting some fantastic relic.
God. You remind me of hemingway.
Well, only without the facial hair.
What can I say but, the sun always rises.
And rises and rises.
Nigel.
[moaning]
[♪]
[glass breaking]
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(nigel:)sydney?
Oh, my god.
What happened?
I don't know. I came in...
Thief must've caught me from behind.
You okay?
Yeah, I think so.
Looks like a chimu canteen's
Seen better days.
Did you see who it was?
(syd:)uh uh. You?
No, no. I didn't hear anything
Until after you came in.
Oh, my wallet's gone.
My crossbow, too.
(nigel:)who on earth would want to steal
An 18th century crossbow?
(syd:)someone who didn't want
A 21st century arrow in the back.
Ahem.
Sydney?
Lorraine.
Nigel was just showing me some artifacts.
Ah? Something from the revlon period?
Other side.
I'm sorry about the circumstances,
But it's a real pleasure to meet you.
I'm a big fan of yours.
(nigel:)lorraine's a budding anthropologist.
Great.
Do you have any aspirin?
Excuse me.
Uh...Uh, professor?
Your paper...
On the meritocracy
Of arctic aboriginal cultures?
It just...
Completely blew me away.
You read that?
It was only published in innu.
Yeah, well, I had it translated.
I've read pretty much
Everything you've ever written.
I'm flattered.
But right now,
I have an aboriginal tribe
Drumming in my head.
Oh. Well, okay...
Well, it was great to meet you.
Bye.
At least...
At least, let me...
Let me walk you to your...
(syd:)nigel.
...Car.
(syd:)uh, next time you decide
To show off your "artifacts",
Make sure you lock the door.
Nothing else seems to be missing.
You think it's a coincidence us leaving
For Spain in the morning
And someone breaking in here tonight?
(nigel:)it seems unlikely.
I say we do a full inventory,
Make sure nothing's compromised.
[♪]
[knocking at the door]
Professor lemenza?
Professor.
Sydney fox and nigel bailey
Are here for you.
Already?
Uh huh.
Show them in.
(secretary:)come in, please.
(prof.:)welcome.
My car was going to meet you
At the airport this afternoon...
(reena:):)well, we actually
Caught an earlier flight.
What a thrill to finally
Meet the great sydney fox.
The thrill is mine, professor.
The chance to help find
The spanish crown jewels
Certainly doesn't come around very often.
I'd like you to meet my associate
Nigel bailey.
Welcome.
If you have a letter,
We would like to get started.
[train whistle]
I hope the beds in Spain
Are a lot more comfortable
Than the train seats.
Why didn't you sleep on the plane?
Because the demon- child behind me
Kept kicking me in the back.
And that bloke next to me kept snoring
Like a broken wheeze-box
And you only packed one pair of earplugs.
Which I offered to you,
As I did with my sleep mask.
Professor lemenza's letter
Better not turn into a wild goose chase.
Nah, this is an important opportunity
To test our spectrometer.
It will work.
You hope.
Not today, thank you.
There are only two places
In the world that you can find
This light refraction technology:
That's us and nasa.
Now, if it works,
We could discover a secret message
Involving the spanish crown jewels.
Otherwise, we travelled 7000 miles
To get a 200 year old letter...
Note...About a lemon harvest.
That note to the king is from castilla,
The man entrusted with the jewels.
And you think he managed to hide them
Before he was arrested by the french?
Well, he knew he had typhus.
And he desperately wanted to speak
To his king before he died in prison.
Okay, so if he did manage to send a letter,
Why didn't the king get it?
Because the courier who was smuggling
It to the king from castilla
Was killed by an andalusian innkeeper.
For smuggling a letter?
No, for sleeping with the innkeeper's wife.
So why didn't the innkeeper get it?
Because the courier had it
Hidden in his scabbard.
Wait... Wait, wait, wait.
You're telling me that the spanish
Crown jewels were almost lost
Because a...
A randy courier couldn't keep his
Scabbard in his pants.
Yeah, there's a moral in there somewhere.
The letter.
Letter.
In the hand of
Cristobol castilla himself.
Take a look.
(prof.:)"your highness,
I visited your orchard
And I'm pleased to inform you
That the trees were heavy with lemons.
I trust the fruit will lead you
Once again to fortune.
I remain your obedient servant,
Etc., etc., cristobol castilla."
The lemons will lead him to a fortune?
Well, he could be referring to lemons
Or he could be referring to lemon juice.
Because it was common practice
In the 18th century
To hide messages in citrus juice.
And you think that your spectrographic
Filter will give us the answers.
Well, ink reflects different wavelengths
Of light in different ways.
So these filters will definitely show us
Whether more than one ink was used.
And there is no need to risk
The letter by heating it.
Brilliant.
It's just a matter of finding
The right filter.
(reena:)and I think we've found the right one.
My god, you were right.
"what you seek lies beneath
The heart of san francisco
In the region of casares."
This is incredible.
My colleagues must see this.
Perhaps we should wait, professor,
Until we are really sure.
I am sure already, I can feel it.
No, this is not how sydney
Like to work, is it?
Sydney.
No.
No, nigel's right.
Of course,
Maybe we can have lunch before you leave.
I'm afraid that we don't have the time.
Sydney, why don't you go and get the car
And I'll meet you downstairs
And pack up the stuff.
Okay.
Professor, it was great to meet you.
I have a feeling this is going to be the most
Exciting relic hunt I've ever been on.
So, thank you so much.
You're a smart man, professor.
But a little knowledge
Is a dangerous thing.
(syd:)nigel?
(nigel:)ten minute nap back at the hotel,
Was that too much to ask?
Nigel, we're in Spain.
In about 20 minutes,
The entire country will be napping.
I wanted us to meet with lemenza before siesta.
The jewels have been missing
For a 193 years;
It's not that they're going to go anywhere.
All right, fine. You go back to the hotel.
I'll meet with lemenza.
Without me?
What is wrong with you?
Forget it.
It's that girl lorraine, isn't it?
I called and called before we left,
But she didn't return my call.
That happens.
Nigel bailey, boy toy.
Beautiful women used him for their pleasure
And then cast him aside.
I don't know.
I still respect you.
That was fast.
I have all we need.
Okay.
Okay, slow down, slow down.
Hello.
Hello?
Professor?
[♪]
He's dead.
Looks as though he was killed with...
Your crossbow.
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(nigel:)we've been set up.
No.
The jewels.
What are you doing? You can't do that,
This is a crime scene.
I'm not leaving this behind.
It's got my prints all over it.
Sydney...
We can't go to the police.
If we go to the police, they'll hold us.
Our only chance is to try
And track down the jewels
And catch the thief.
Who could pull this off?
Only you, I and the professor
Knew about the letter.
Someone else knew about our trip.
Lorraine?
She could've been helping the person
That broke into our offices.
Even if she was...
Which I'm not willing to consider...
Just knowing about the letter isn't enough.
Only we have the equipment to read the letter.
What if the thief had our equipment?
That's not our camera.
[together] the filters.
These are just clear glass.
Oh, they must've switched them
Before we left.
They stole the letter.
Probably halfway to the jewels by now.
Okay. I say we take our chances.
No one'll believe that you did this.
Professor lemenza.
Oh god.
You killed him.
Except maybe her.
What now?
Now...We run.
I can't say I'm looking forward to spending
The rest of my life in a spanish prison.
I mean, I know what happens.
I've seen midnight express.
That was a turkish prison.
Oh.
All we have to do is catch the killers
Before the police catch us.
That should be easy enough, seeing as
The police are looking for us.
Yeah. I wonder if they've left
Anything on this memory card?
We're in luck.
They haven't erased the memory.
Looks like your friend lorraine
Figured out how to use our filter kit.
(nigel:)sydney, I... Look,
"what you seek lies beneath
The heart of san francisco...
In the region of casares."
Left his heart in san francisco.
(nigel:)san francisco wasn't
Buried in casaras.
Then we're not talking about
A literal heart.
Heart of darkness.
Heart of romaine lettuce.
The heart of a town would be a...
A... The clock tower?
(nigel:)heart- shaped bed?
I doubt there are many of those in casares.
Nigel!
I don't think my nerves
Can take much more of this.
(syd:)the iglesia de san francisco.
It's a 14th century church in casares.
Could use some divine intervention right now.
There's only one other place
In casares named for st. Francisco
And that's the jardines de san francisco.
Where do you think they would start?
The jardines de san francisco.
I mean, travelling from seville,
You'd have to pass it on your way to the church.
I just can't believe that
Lorraine's a killer.
Such a good kisser.
She did this thing with her tongue...
Do I have to hear this?
It just wasn't the kiss of a killer.
Nigel, she lied about who she was.
She just happened to be
In the office distracting
You when the thief was there,
Now lemenza's dead
And the letter's missing.
If you'd have kissed her you'd know.
[whistle blowing]
[announcer speaking spanish]
(syd:)police are swarming the platform.
Don't they know it's siesta time?
Don't panic, we're flexible.
Oh, what does he want us to do?
Crawl between his legs?
[moaning]
Nigel.
She sounds just like lorraine.
Nigel.
[♪]
Let's go.
[♪]
Uh oh.
Oh, good. We've added
'assault on a police officer"
To our rap sheet.
Hola.
We don't have time for this.
We are here to work.
Gracias. Come on, raoul.
When we find the jewels we can celebrate,
But not until then.
So we earned this.
Not if the real sydney fox
And nigel bailey catch up with us.
I can't wait to see the look
On professor lemenza's face.
He really thought that I was sydney fox.
Of course he did.
The thing is,
I was so nervous at first.
My heart was just pounding,
Like, a mile and minute
And my mouth got completely dry.
You were great.
But then I started talking
And then sydney's words
Just started to flow
And it was unbelievable.
It was so good.
It was almost as good as...
We gotta move. Now.
Okay.
That was close.
Two close.
I think we're in the clear now.
Guess again.
Huh?
[speaking spanish]
Assassins?
They've all convicted
Us without a trial.
No. It wasn't us.
We didn't do it, they're impostors
And they did it.
It's all been a tragic mistake.
I just thought you might speak english.
Just looking for mcdonald's, that's all.
Try to keep it together.
Now, the map of casares shows two sites,
Both named for san francisco.
And the jardines de san francisco
Is right over here.
"jardines" is spanish for gardens.
Well, this is it?
This is the garden?
That can't be.
This statue was built in '94.
That's 200 years too late.
Okay. The other site.
It's a church not far from here.
One san francisco down,
One to go.
I guess I panicked a tad back there.
A tad?
You may as well have had
A scarlet letter
Tattooed on your forehead.
Must I always be expected
To be a pillar of strength?
Eh? May I never be allowed a...
A moment of vulnerability?
Fortunately, lorraine and her partner
Won't be expecting us.
Nigel.
(nigel:)lorraine.
Surprised to see us?
Who's he?
Raoul?
Move, reena.
Reena?
Adios, raoul.
Professor lemenza never hurt a fly.
You didn't have to kill him.
What?
Well, what are you talking about?
Nigel, what is she talking about?
We didn't kill anybody.
You see, sydney, she didn't know.
(reena:)professor lemenza's dead?
Are you going listen to her, reena,
She's lying.
Somebody call the police.
Tell me you didn't.
Be quiet, reena.
(nigel:)don't worry.
I'll testify at your trial.
So will I.
(police:)que pasa?
Que pasa chi?
Arrest them,
This one here with the chica.
She attacked me.
They are the murderers
From the television.
Arrest them.
Arrest the other one.
They're getting away.
Silencio.
{ Advertisement }
You're not listening.
The real killers
Are impersonating us.
We're innocent.
They're getting away.
You're not listening.
We're innocent.
They're getting away.
I feel really sorry about this.
Come on!
[♪]
[brakes squealing]
[speaking spanish]
(nigel:)she seemed like such a nice girl.
(syd:)which one?
Lorraine or reena?
She obviously didn't know
The professor was dead.
I think raoul's using her.
Using her?
How about using us?
Well, raoul was obviously the mastermind.
He did a great job setting us up...
Your crossbow, our camera filters.
I'm sorry, sydney.
I don't know how
I didn't see through her.
I do. She's good.
Gotta give it to her.
If I didn't know any better,
That performance back there
Would've convinced me.
She didn't have anything to do with it.
(nigel:)and just for the record,
That smell is not me.
It's the sheep.
[♪]
You trying to kill him too?
Hey, I do my job, you do yours.
No. My job was to be sydney fox.
And you told me that no one
Was going to get hurt.
Professor lemenza was getting
Too suspicious.
All you had to do was tie him up.
Oh, for sure.
And let him tell sydney fox
And that prissy partner
Just where we have gone,
They can be all over us?
No. We had plenty of time.
You didn't have to kill anyone, raoul.
And his name's nigel
And he's not prissy.
Is that why you were falling
All over him the other night?
I was doing what I had to do.
So was I.
So I guess we're even, okay?
No.
Because I'm not going to prison
For a murder that you committed.
Now, listen to me, reena.
We are in this together.
Whether you like it or not.
So you show me just what kind of
A relic hunter you really are.
[♪]
(raoul:)the heart of san francisco.
So the jewels have got to be
Right behind that.
Because the message said,
"what you seek is beneath
The heart of san francisco."
(reena:)don't you're going to destroy it?
Let's see if old san francisco
Has a heart of gold, shall we?
No, wait.
What is it now, reena?
Wait, the message said
That the jewels were hidden beneath,
Not behind the heart.
These tiles, they're marble.
They were probably quarried
In grenada in the early 18th century.
Right around the time the jewels were hidden.
We have a great future together.
[♪]
The church should be
Around here somewhere.
Yeah, but which way?
(nigel:)don't do that.
You'll draw attention to us.
Syd.
Hola.
Hello, my... My...
Friend and I, we're looking
For the church of san francisco.
We're having a little trouble.
There are many san franciscos.
Church, sanctuario...
Uh... There's a sanctuario?
Yeah. It was once a church.
Later, it was a sanctuario.
Now, it's empty.
And there are many san franciscos.
Are you really talking that?
(man 2:)and don't talk to him
About santa maria. Oh...
Ahem... Hem.
This sancutario,
It's not on any of the maps.
Only locals know it by that name.
How old is it, exactly?
Old.
Hundreds of years.
(syd:)really. Ahh...
It was once a church.
I already told her that.
Do you think you could show me
On the map where this sanctuario is?
(man 1:)yeah, yeah.
I think we could stop by
The sanctuario if
The church of san francisco
Doesn't work out.
Great.
Thank you. You've been very kind.
Come back. Any time.
(nigel:)I think, sydney, now, it's...
It's time to go.
Now, come on.
No. No, no. Don't worry.
I've spoiled your paper.
Some coins for your compensation.
Nigel.
Anytime.
Thank you.
Thank you, so much.
Sorry about my friend.
Ah, sorry.
Sydney.
There is nothing here but dirt.
Maybe somebody already found the jewels.
Oh, great. Who?
I'm not a fortune teller, raoul.
I'm an archaeologist.
You just read a bunch of books
By you said to me you could do this.
No. My big mistake
Was actually thinking that I could take
On sydney fox.
Where are you going, reena?
As far away as I can get from you.
Don't go nowhere 'til I
Find the jewels, reena.
Not so fast.
Look out.
You shouldn't have done that.
Tell me where the jewels are.
Um... Well, I... I'd...
I'd like to, seeing as you're
Pointing a gun at me and all.
Pains me to say this.
I don't know where they are.
You two deserve each other.
You.
Cuff them together.
Through the pew.
Move!
Don't look at me like that, reena.
Move.
Okay, chica,
Now tell me where the jewels are.
There's a sanctuario of st. Francisco.
It's just east of the church
Of san francisco across the park.
I think that's where the jewels are.
Well, now, let's hope so...
For his sake.
Pick up my bag.
If I were you,
I would get down on my knees
And start praying that I find them.
Syd...
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I can't believe it.
He totally screwed me.
What's the world coming to?
No honour among thieves.
I'm no criminal.
News flash, reena.
Professor lemenza didn't kill himself.
Raoul stayed in the office
After I decoded the message.
Now, I knew he was up to something,
But I guess that part of me
Just wanted to block it out.
You and nigel sure make a great pair.
I just wanted to be sydney fox.
Okay? Just for one day.
Stupid, huh?
Okay, but I will do anything
I can to make it better.
Well, all you can do from here on out
Is make sure that nobody else gets hurt.
Okay. Anything.
You name it.
Did you actually read
My paper on aboriginal meritocracy?
Ten times.
Start kicking.
We don't have much time
Thanks to your boyfriend..
(reena:)ex.
God, I'm such an idiot.
Raoul practically leaves a slime trail
And I didn't even see it.
Keep on kicking.
You know all that stuff
That I said about you,
How I admired you?
That was true.
I was always telling raoul
About the relic hunts
That you pulled off.
And so he told you
If I could do it then you could too.
Right.
And then I went to nigel...
You used nigel.
No.
I just wanted to prove to myself
That I could do it.
That's it.
All right.
Now you've got a chance
To get nigel out of this.
Can I count on you?
Absolutely.
Good. First rule:
No more lies.
Okay.
In that case,
I've got a confession to make.
[speaking spanish]
Are you sure you'll all right?
Si. Yes.
Please, I need you to phone the policia.
Tell them to meet us at
The sanctuario de san francisco.
Hurry.
By all historical accounts,
There's only two san franciscos in casares.
Let's hope three's our lucky number.
[♪]
No back seat.
Move over, I'll drive.
Cosa?
Oh, yes, I love that salsa.
[♪]
Adios.
(man:)stop! Stop! Stop!
[♪]
Okay. Now, the message
Said "what you seek is beneath
The heart of san francisco."
So where is the heart of san francisco.
That question,
Was it inquisitive or purely rhetor...
Just answer me, einstein.
I don't have a lot of time right now.
Okay. Okay,
Judging by the architecture,
I'd say this place was mid-16th century,
Which means it was built in
The height of the spanish inquisition,
A time when religious piety
Was necessary just for survival.
I don't need a history lesson.
Tell me where the freaking jewels are.
[♪]
Hold on, nigel.
(raoul:)this altar is dedicated
To san francisco.
You can't even find it.
Look, many altars concealed entrances
And tunnels to subterranean crypts.
(raoul:)if I hear one more history lesson
Out of you, I am going to
Crack your skull open like a lemon.
Well?
Well, not all of them.
However, the...
There's nothing here that remotely suggests
That the heart of san francisco was inside.
Hold on. Hold on.
The order is the heart of the church
But not necessarily the heart of the sanctuary.
We have to keep looking.
[♪]
That's raoul's car.
[♪]
Not positive.
But I've got a pretty good idea
That's the heart of san francisco.
This better not be a trick.
Look, san francisco died
Hundreds of years prior,
But 1808 is the year
That cristobol castilla
Hid the jewels for his king.
Now, there are two rules in relic hunting.
First rule is,
Well, it's not important.
And the second is...
Or is that the first.
Sorry, I can never remem...
Open it.
[bang]
So, what are you going to do
With me after this is all over?
Turn you over to the police.
I guess I should've expected that.
If nigel gets out of this okay
I'll do everything I can to help.
Okay. That's fair.
I guess I deserve pretty much
Everything I get.
But nigel doesn't.
You heard me. Open it.
Hey, I've got a pretty good idea
We've finally found the heart, raoul.
Look at this craftsmanship.
So what's your problem.
I stand right next to you.
I'm not deaf.
Well, that's easy for you to say
Because you've got the gun.
And I'm going to use it if you don't
Stop yelling like an idiot.
Uh, I'll make you a deal.
Um, I'll help you carry
The jewels out of the courtyard
And you don't kill me.
They're in the courtyard.
(raoul:)mine's better.
I carry the jewels out
And you'll die, so move.
Stay there.
[♪]
(nigel:)brilliant, raoul.
You've tied me up
So I'm completely helpless!
One more word out of you,
I'm going to shove a gag
Down your throat.
Now, shut up.
[♪]
You found the crown jewels
And you're taking them out of the crypt.
[♪]
Reena.
What?
Ah... Renal failure.
Oh, gotta go.
Cross 'em.
[♪]
(nigel:)not a moment too soon.
Big mistake, reena. Huge.
My mistake was believing you.
(syd:)by the way, thanks for doing
The dirty work.
(raoul:)hey, reena, whatever she
Promised you, don't believe her.
You're an accessory to murder.
Reena.
(raoul:)I promise you, reena, if I go down
I'm gonna take you with me.
Reena, we'll help you.
Give sydney the gun.
(raoul:)hey, why you want to help
Reena all of a sudden.
She's the one
Who killed the professor.
She set me up.
Reena, give me the gun.
We can still make it, baby.
They are beautiful, aren't they?
Yeah. And they're all yours.
Don't listen to him.
All you gotta say is the magic words.
Sure.
Babe.
That felt great.
Thanks.
That's a lovely...
Well, that's a hallmark moment.
It's lovely.
Now, could someone
Come over here and untie me.
[laughing]
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(syd:)I take it back, nigel,
You're not such a bad judge
Of women after all.
I can't believe you had
Any doubts of me.
Don't get cocky.
Hey, look at this.
You guys made the front page.
Ah, "spanish crown jewels found."
It's showing in the national museum
In honour of professor lemenza.
(karen:)hey, what's this about impostors
Pretending to be
Sydney fox and nigel bailey?
It's a long story.
With a bittersweet ending.
I just hope they go easy on reena.
Well, with the testimony that you gave,
I'm sure they'll be lenient.
Well, at least she'll have
A lot to read in prison.
(nigel:)you know, you're incredible.
She tries to frame us,
Disparages our name all over Spain,
And almost gets us killed.
Now you're sending her
Care packages in jail.
What can I say, I kind of liked her.
She reminded me a little of...
Well, me.
Well I guess we can't
Fault her choice of role model,
Now can we?
Subtitle by: Kiasuseven