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it was a quiet november afternoon in 2007.

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i was working from home,

3
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because, you know, no distractions.

4
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-this is incredible! -oh, my god!

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i can't believe it!

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-i have big news. -oh, my god!

7
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okay, my thing's pretty huge.

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-but fine, you can go first. -okay, i just

9
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-found out... -i found a porno starring ted mosby!

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what are you...

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what are you, what you're talking about?

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i'm talking about welcome to the sex plane,

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and look who plays the navigator,

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ted mosby.

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it is the same exact spelling as my name.

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okay, you know,

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cute coincidence, barney.

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whatever.

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i just got off the phone with the nr...

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oh, my god, this totally explains the thing

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at my doctor's the other day.

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open wide.

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i guess you're more used to saying that

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than hearing it, huh, ted mosby?

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who is this guy?

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and why's my doctor watching porn?

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all right, let's meet your new doppelganger.

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or should i say doppelbanger?

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guys, guys, guys!

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can i tell my news?

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-it's pretty... -this is really bizarre.

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the only other famous mosby i know

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was a confederate general during the civil war.

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probably not the same guy.

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i got the job at the nrdc!

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you got the job! oh! yeah.

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the nrdc, or national resources defense council,

38
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fought for clean water,

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air and to preserve america's wilderness.

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it was marshall's dream job.

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-congrats, buddy! -thanks.

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it's kind of weird hugging with porn on.

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yeah, it really is.

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hey, hey-o!

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new guy entering the cockpit.

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could it be the navigator, ted mosby?

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uh... no.

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no, navigators have three stripes on their hats.

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captains have four.

50
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that guy's a captain.

51
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yeah, and i'm sure complete accuracy

52
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in all those details was very important to the directors...

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"dirt and skank, the raunch brothers."

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baby, i have some exciting news!

55
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i hope it's not that you just won some sort of race here.

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i got the job at the nrdc!

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and i found a porno starring ted mosby!

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oh my god, that's amazing!

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i know, right?

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oh, congratulations, marshall!

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congratulation to us all!

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oh, let's go celebrate!

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the fact that i found a porno starring a guy named ted mosby--

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let's do it!

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oh, is that him?

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cause that ted mosby really knows what he's doing.

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no, that's not him.

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what do you mean,

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"that" ted mosby really knows what he's doing.

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oh, no.

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no, i meant, that ted mosby,

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he really knows what he's doing.

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like all ted mosbys.

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wow, nrdc!

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way to go, marshall.

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but you're

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still gonna go to your job interview today, right, baby?

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marshall had an interview

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at a firm called nicholson, hewitt and west.

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they represented

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pretty much everybody marshall was going to sue

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once he started at the nrdc.

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i'm not doing that interview.

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those people are evil.

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marshall, your dad went through a lot of trouble to set this up.

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you can't just pull out at the last second.

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apparently you can.

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ted, ted, ted, guy in the hat!

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three stripes!

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ladies and gentlemen, i give you ted mosby, porn star.

91
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i know what kind of plane this is.

92
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it's a "boing."

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see.

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this is way better than marshall's internship.

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it's a real job.

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who is this guy?

97
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are we related?

98
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do, do i look like him?

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it's hard to tell.

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go, go like this.

101
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-oh, yeah, a little bit. -yeah.

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more aroud the eyes. oh, i do see that.

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and here's your water, 

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in case you're dehydrated, ted mosby.

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very funny, wendy.

106
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now we know you watch porn.

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this ted mosby must be getting kind of famous.

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mm. you're not wrong.

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according to the web site,

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of the far superior ted mosby...

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...he's been in the business three months,

112
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and he's made 125 movies.

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that's 42 movies a month.

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who is he, jude law?

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right?

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he makes a lot of movies.

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i mean,

118
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not so much lately,

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but maybe, like, two years ago,

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-you couldn't go to a movie without... -shh...

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oh, hey, look, check it out.

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ted mosby did an interview in adult video weekly.

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adult video weekly?

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oh, no.

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hello?

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hi, i'm looking for ted mosby.

127
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it's leonard ross from avw.

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oh, my god!

129
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A.V.W?

130
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it's architecture vision weekly!

131
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wow, i have been reading your magazine

132
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since i was a little kid.

133
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well, that's a bummer.

134
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anyway, i'm calling to interview you about your latest project.

135
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well, i don't want to say it's my project.

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i mean, i'll be working with at least three partners.

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oh! group scene. always fun.

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yeah, yeah, i'm really looking forward to it.

139
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i mean, i know they're gonna ride me pretty hard

140
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but they're great guys.

141
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guys?

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whoa, there's a scoop.

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that interview went on for 20 more minutes.

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"this project was so demanding,

145
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"i can't tell you how many nights

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i spent bent over a table."

147
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oh, hey, baby, how'd the interview go?

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um, interesting.

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there i am in the office of jefferson coatsworth,

150
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and i figure i'm not gonna take this job anyway,

151
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i might as well give this old bastard a piece of my mind.

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jefferson coatsworth

153
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wasn't what i expected.

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marshall,

155
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jeff coatsworth.

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hello.

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dude, i am so, so psyched that you're here.

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can i beer ya?

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marshall was thrown.

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this guy seemed nice.

161
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of course, he wasn't.

162
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go-go to hell!

163
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i'd do it again!

164
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i'm innocent.

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i'm innocent.

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marshall,

167
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why do you want to work

168
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at nicholson, hewitt & west?

169
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right, um, okay, jeff,

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i've actually given this a lot of thought...

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i'm sorry. stop.

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i can't do this with a straight face.

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you don't want to work here.

174
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you're only here 'cause your dad went to high school

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with joe hewitt.

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fact is,

177
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you just got a sweet job at the nrdc.

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and it's awesome.

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man, i could

180
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have gone the non-profit route.

181
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i didn't.

182
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and it eats me up inside every day.

183
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i hate myself.

184
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i hate myself.

185
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oh, he's good.

186
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classic seduction technique.

187
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what do you mean?

188
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oh, i use it all the time.

189
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first i buy her-- and by her i mean you-- a drink.

190
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now, i'm the guy who gets her

191
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what she wants.

192
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then i pretend to care

193
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about whatever idiotic thing she cares about.

194
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for you, that would be the environment.

195
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now, i'm the great

196
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guy who shares her interests.

197
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and before you know it, you're naked in my apartment

198
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shouting, "oh, oh, bar-r-r-ne-e-ey!"

199
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and by you,

200
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i mean her.

201
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he is not trying to seduce me.

202
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,240
he didn't even offer me the job.

203
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that comes later.

204
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at dinner.

205
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he did invite you to dinner, didn't he?

206
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let me buy you dinner

207
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tomorrow night

208
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as a thank you, okay?

209
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you'll tell me all about the nrdc,

210
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and we'll charge it all to one of my evil clients.

211
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i, you know, i don't know,

212
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-i don't know if... -marshall,

213
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,320
you know what kobe beef is?

214
00:07:17,510 --> 00:07:20,080
the most expensive beef in the world.

215
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:24,000
the place i'm taking you has kobe lobster.

216
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that is lobster fed with kobe beef.

217
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:32,160
oh, my god, he's trying to seduce me.

218
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so are you gonna go to dinner with him?

219
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,710
no. no way.

220
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i promised myself to the nrdc.

221
00:07:38,180 --> 00:07:39,490
i'm not that kind of lawyer.

222
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:40,740
oh, you should go.

223
00:07:40,750 --> 00:07:41,910
i mean, you're not gonna take the job,

224
00:07:41,910 --> 00:07:42,580
but you might as well

225
00:07:42,580 --> 00:07:44,720
get a great meal out of the deal.

226
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don't wait up.

227
00:07:47,020 --> 00:07:48,230
guys, guys, guys, check this out.

228
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ted mosby porn star's bio

229
00:07:49,980 --> 00:07:51,990
says his hometown is your hometown.

230
00:07:51,990 --> 00:07:53,360
shaker heights, ohio.

231
00:07:53,370 --> 00:07:54,320
what?

232
00:07:54,330 --> 00:07:55,720
okay, this is getting creepy.

233
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,160
who, who is this guy?

234
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i gotta find him.

235
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well, it's your lucky day.

236
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he's gonna be signing

237
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,770
autographs tomorrow night in manhattan

238
00:08:01,770 --> 00:08:04,360
at something called the adult video expo.

239
00:08:04,370 --> 00:08:04,970
mm. wait.

240
00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:05,780
are you telling me

241
00:08:05,780 --> 00:08:08,230
that they actually have conventions for porn?

242
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,070
affirmative.

243
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,810
or to put it another way...

244
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god bless america.

245
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you can really taste the beef in that lobster.

246
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:19,930
right.

247
00:08:20,540 --> 00:08:22,050
listen,

248
00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:23,940
i know we're only here to screw over my client,

249
00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:26,260
who quite frankly deserves it...

250
00:08:26,650 --> 00:08:28,530
but i gotta be able to tell the guys upstairs

251
00:08:28,530 --> 00:08:30,550
i gave you the spiel, okay?

252
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,110
so, first up,

253
00:08:32,230 --> 00:08:33,710
starting salary.

254
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,000
okay.

255
00:08:35,010 --> 00:08:36,290
here we go.

256
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:39,860
this is the big number that's supposed to impress me and--

257
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,720
that is a big number.

258
00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:45,610
there's also a signing bonus,

259
00:08:45,620 --> 00:08:47,380
uh, use of a company car,

260
00:08:47,390 --> 00:08:49,050
expense account, blah blah blah.

261
00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:52,260
hey, by the way, turn around and wave to patrick swayze.

262
00:08:56,070 --> 00:08:58,430
i'm going to, uh, try to remain cool.

263
00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:00,980
but you know patrick swayze?!

264
00:09:00,990 --> 00:09:01,720
he's a client.

265
00:09:01,730 --> 00:09:02,890
who do you think bought us this wine.

266
00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:04,790
crazy swayze.

267
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,400
cheers, buddy.

268
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:08,610
okay. no.

269
00:09:08,620 --> 00:09:10,410
jeff, this is all very impressive,

270
00:09:10,410 --> 00:09:11,960
-but i just don't think that... -listen, i know,

271
00:09:11,970 --> 00:09:13,370
i know.

272
00:09:13,390 --> 00:09:16,740
you're gonna be tempted by big numbers and fancy perks.

273
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you're gonna do the noble thing,

274
00:09:18,530 --> 00:09:21,030
take the low-paying job at the nrdc,

275
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:22,970
live off your family money.

276
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:24,600
family money?

277
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:26,320
you do have family money, don't you?

278
00:09:26,330 --> 00:09:28,280
no, um, not that i know of.

279
00:09:28,290 --> 00:09:33,150
i do have an uncle who owns a, a pretty successful bait shop.

280
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:34,900
nrdc.

281
00:09:34,910 --> 00:09:37,610
no family money.

282
00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:41,650
so you don't plan on having kids?

283
00:09:41,660 --> 00:09:44,360
actually, i, i want to have four kids.

284
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,950
new york public schools make a lot of parents nervous,

285
00:09:48,950 --> 00:09:53,520
but the kids who walk out, walk out proud.

286
00:09:54,340 --> 00:09:56,190
he was surely doing a tough decision

287
00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,110
now, kids, when i'm faced with a tough decision

288
00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:01,600
i like to make a list of pros and cons.

289
00:10:01,610 --> 00:10:03,140
marshall knew all cons

290
00:10:03,150 --> 00:10:04,900
but that is one thing he didn't konw

291
00:10:04,910 --> 00:10:07,110
a big guy live in a pros con

292
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,760
lily, you're a kindergarten teacher.

293
00:10:08,770 --> 00:10:10,070
-yeah. -cause robin

294
00:10:10,070 --> 00:10:12,660
was about to ask lily the one question...

295
00:10:12,670 --> 00:10:15,660
an-and you make a kindergarten teacher's salary, right?

296
00:10:15,670 --> 00:10:16,580
yeah.

297
00:10:16,590 --> 00:10:18,620
...that lily had been dreading for years.

298
00:10:18,630 --> 00:10:21,500
well, how do you afford all of these expensivelothes?

299
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,950
i shop the sales.

300
00:10:23,970 --> 00:10:26,500
they were in the closet when we moved in.

301
00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:28,170
i steal.

302
00:10:28,180 --> 00:10:29,530
i'm a criminal.

303
00:10:29,540 --> 00:10:32,560
i once shot a man just to watch him die.

304
00:10:33,190 --> 00:10:33,820
lily?

305
00:10:33,820 --> 00:10:36,130
okay.

306
00:10:36,140 --> 00:10:39,060
that's when lily showed robin her box of shame.

307
00:10:40,870 --> 00:10:42,740
lily, this is nuts.

308
00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:44,300
how many credit cards do you have?

309
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,030
i don't know.

310
00:10:45,030 --> 00:10:46,750
well, how much do you owe?

311
00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,470
i don't know!

312
00:10:52,090 --> 00:10:55,500
i can't believe this many people love porn this much,

313
00:10:55,660 --> 00:10:58,690
including that guy who works in human resources at my firm.

314
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:01,560
let's just wave at each other awkwardly.

315
00:11:01,570 --> 00:11:03,190
that'll make it better.

316
00:11:03,790 --> 00:11:05,760
dude, come on, let's just find bizarro me

317
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,330
and get out of here.

318
00:11:07,490 --> 00:11:09,030
oh, i get it.

319
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:10,610
ted mosby, non-porn star,

320
00:11:10,610 --> 00:11:13,060
thinks this is all crude and disgusting.

321
00:11:13,070 --> 00:11:14,010
you know wholse was considered

322
00:11:14,010 --> 00:11:15,470
crude and disgusting?

323
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:17,030
shakespeare.

324
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,010
hmm. but his themes--

325
00:11:18,020 --> 00:11:21,290
love, lust, forbidden desire-- were universal,

326
00:11:21,290 --> 00:11:24,320
which is why his work has stood the test of time.

327
00:11:24,330 --> 00:11:26,020
and so will all this.

328
00:11:26,030 --> 00:11:29,800
400 years from now, some high school drama class

329
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,910
will be doing a plucky, spirited production

330
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,560
of beef party vii.

331
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,940
oh, my god, lily, that is a lot of debt.

332
00:11:38,950 --> 00:11:41,390
how did you get yourself into this situation?

333
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:42,840
i don't know what it is.

334
00:11:42,850 --> 00:11:45,860
when i feel down about something, i shop.

335
00:11:47,330 --> 00:11:48,650
ma'am, is everything okay? oh,

336
00:11:48,660 --> 00:11:51,160
i just had a huge fight with my mother.

337
00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:53,600
she doesn't understand me at all.

338
00:11:55,020 --> 00:11:57,040
i swore that teaching would be a way

339
00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:58,420
to support my painting career,

340
00:11:58,420 --> 00:12:01,210
but i never paint anymore.

341
00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:05,750
i just got a huge credit card bill.

342
00:12:06,730 --> 00:12:07,430
does marshall know?

343
00:12:07,430 --> 00:12:08,630
no.

344
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:09,890
but you guys are the couple

345
00:12:09,890 --> 00:12:11,670
who tell each other everything.

346
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:12,660
and for god's sakes, lily,

347
00:12:12,660 --> 00:12:15,110
you text him while he's on the can.

348
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:18,100
well, i just want him to know i'm rooting for him.

349
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,980
wait, okay, this all makes sense.

350
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,220
so when you said...

351
00:12:22,230 --> 00:12:23,250
but you're still going to go

352
00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:25,160
to your job interview today, right, baby?

353
00:12:25,170 --> 00:12:26,030
and then...

354
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:27,180
oh, you should go.

355
00:12:27,190 --> 00:12:28,260
i mean, you're not going to take the job,

356
00:12:28,260 --> 00:12:30,740
but you might as well get a great meal out of the deal.

357
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:31,600
you were pushing him

358
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,020
into taking that high- paying corporate job.

359
00:12:34,030 --> 00:12:34,700
i know.

360
00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:37,580
it's terrible that i was trying to get him to do that.

361
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:38,480
terrible

362
00:12:38,490 --> 00:12:39,720
he has to take it

363
00:12:39,730 --> 00:12:42,520
i mean, how else are you going to pay off all that debt?

364
00:12:42,530 --> 00:12:43,060
lily, you have

365
00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:46,170
to tell him about this before he turns down that job.

366
00:12:46,510 --> 00:12:47,570
you're right.

367
00:12:47,580 --> 00:12:49,510
i feel awful.

368
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:53,630
-you know there is a sale...-we're not going to shopping

369
00:12:59,910 --> 00:13:02,070
ooh, there he is. come on, let's go.

370
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:05,200
why do i get so nervous around celebrities?

371
00:13:05,950 --> 00:13:07,660
hi, ted mosby.

372
00:13:07,730 --> 00:13:10,040
i'm ted mosby.

373
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:11,650
ted mosby, it's you.

374
00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:12,620
have we met?

375
00:13:12,630 --> 00:13:15,260
mr. mosby, it is an honor to meet you, sir.

376
00:13:15,270 --> 00:13:15,940
starney binson.

377
00:13:15,940 --> 00:13:17,430
barney stinson.

378
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:18,540
damn it.

379
00:13:18,550 --> 00:13:19,840
we have met.

380
00:13:19,850 --> 00:13:21,830
my real name is steve biel.

381
00:13:22,020 --> 00:13:24,310
when i was in fourth grade, you were in ninth,

382
00:13:24,410 --> 00:13:25,080
one day i was behind the school

383
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:26,450
and a bunch of seventh graders

384
00:13:26,460 --> 00:13:28,530
were just beating the crap out of me.

385
00:13:28,540 --> 00:13:30,270
oh, yeah, i remember. that was you?

386
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,550
yeah, but you pulled them off me.

387
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,660
you told them to go pick on someone their own size.

388
00:13:35,950 --> 00:13:39,480
i vowed right then that when i made something of myself,

389
00:13:39,490 --> 00:13:41,540
i would honor you somehow.

390
00:13:41,550 --> 00:13:44,270
so you took my name and starred

391
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:46,540
in welcometo the sex truck?

392
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,770
yeah.

393
00:13:49,470 --> 00:13:52,250
um, yeah, listen, ted, you got to stop using my name.

394
00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:55,280
i-i'm trying to make a career as an architect.

395
00:13:55,290 --> 00:13:56,760
architect, huh?

396
00:13:56,770 --> 00:13:59,710
you mean like a sex architect?

397
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,780
-what? -yeah, you know, you're on to something.

398
00:14:01,780 --> 00:14:04,110
that would make a great title of a film.

399
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:07,470
ted mosby, sex architect.

400
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:09,960
you know, i'm actually looking for a new project

401
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,210
to shoot next friday afternoon.

402
00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:14,640
yeah, listen, isn't, isn't there some other way

403
00:14:14,650 --> 00:14:16,200
you could honor me?

404
00:14:16,210 --> 00:14:17,900
with all due respect.

405
00:14:17,910 --> 00:14:20,100
wait, you're not mad, are you?

406
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,400
oh, man, i knew it.

407
00:14:22,410 --> 00:14:25,870
my father said, "just plant a tree in israel."

408
00:14:25,890 --> 00:14:27,260
i'm such an idiot.

409
00:14:27,270 --> 00:14:29,610
i guess i thought you'd be psyched.

410
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:32,680
i am.

411
00:14:32,690 --> 00:14:33,270
i am; it's just

412
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:35,510
i feel a little guilty beuse i'm not

413
00:14:35,510 --> 00:14:37,550
the one who saved you that day.

414
00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:40,620
the guy who actually saved you was...

415
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:46,090
named... lance hardwood.

416
00:14:46,750 --> 00:14:49,110
lance hardwood, yeah.

417
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,100
really? mm.

418
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:52,940
you know, you might not know this,

419
00:14:52,950 --> 00:14:56,220
but in my business, that's kind of a killer name.

420
00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:59,110
yeah, i guess, i guess it is.

421
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,670
i can see the poster now.

422
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,310
lance hardwood, sex architect.

423
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:03,850
starring...

424
00:15:03,850 --> 00:15:05,360
ted mosby.

425
00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:07,030
i love it.

426
00:15:08,860 --> 00:15:11,220
marshall and jeff stayed pretty late at the restaurant.

427
00:15:11,230 --> 00:15:12,070
they stayed so late

428
00:15:12,070 --> 00:15:14,070
that marshall crashed on jeff's couch,

429
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,000
and the next day,

430
00:15:15,010 --> 00:15:17,210
marshall took part in a sunday morning 

431
00:15:17,310 --> 00:15:19,520
tradition as old as the city itself

432
00:15:19,530 --> 00:15:21,250
the walk of shame,

433
00:15:21,260 --> 00:15:23,730
the long journey home after doing something you regret

434
00:15:23,740 --> 00:15:24,780
the night before.

435
00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:26,040
i'll take the job.

436
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,430
that's awesome!

437
00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:31,640
great time last night.

438
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,340
i'll call you later.

439
00:15:33,770 --> 00:15:35,620
he's not going to call you.

440
00:15:39,820 --> 00:15:41,570
um, did you get my message?

441
00:15:41,570 --> 00:15:42,960
i just, i crashed uptown. yeah, yeah.

442
00:15:42,970 --> 00:15:47,170
listen, i have, uh, something to tell you.

443
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:49,810
uh, i have something i need to tell you also.

444
00:15:49,820 --> 00:15:51,760
mine's pretty huge.

445
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,560
you go first.

446
00:15:53,570 --> 00:15:55,310
-well... -i took

447
00:15:55,310 --> 00:15:56,850
the job.

448
00:15:57,050 --> 00:15:57,630
i'm sorry.

449
00:15:57,630 --> 00:15:58,610
i'm so sorry.

450
00:15:58,610 --> 00:15:59,760
i was drunk,

451
00:15:59,770 --> 00:16:04,190
and it was a haze of cigars and scotch and swayze,

452
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,120
and they offered me, like,

453
00:16:06,130 --> 00:16:09,230
like, like, like, a lot of money.

454
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,330
oh, marshall.

455
00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:13,790
how much money?

456
00:16:17,420 --> 00:16:18,900
here.

457
00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:27,910
it's completely despicable.

458
00:16:27,910 --> 00:16:29,830
i know, i know, i sold out

459
00:16:29,830 --> 00:16:34,300
for a huge pile of disgusting money,

460
00:16:34,310 --> 00:16:38,780
disgusting money that could help our future family

461
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,410
have some financial security

462
00:16:40,420 --> 00:16:42,200
and could help pay for law school.

463
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:43,740
law school.

464
00:16:43,860 --> 00:16:46,170
law school that i went to to help protect the environment,

465
00:16:46,170 --> 00:16:47,330
not help destroy it.

466
00:16:47,330 --> 00:16:48,180
and for what?

467
00:16:48,180 --> 00:16:51,870
for, for... a lot of money.

468
00:16:56,220 --> 00:16:58,180
okay, okay, you've got to stop screaming.

469
00:16:58,190 --> 00:16:58,720
listen, marshall,

470
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,850
you know what i like to do in situations like this?

471
00:17:00,860 --> 00:17:03,510
ted, if you say make a list of pros and cons,

472
00:17:03,510 --> 00:17:04,910
i'm going to smack you.

473
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:06,280
i wasn't going to say that.

474
00:17:06,290 --> 00:17:08,020
okay, two beers,

475
00:17:08,030 --> 00:17:10,590
and ted, here's that yellow legal pad you asked for.

476
00:17:10,590 --> 00:17:12,210
yellow legal pad?

477
00:17:12,220 --> 00:17:13,250
i ordered fries.

478
00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:16,280
maybe you should use this to write down people's orders.

479
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:21,550
guys, i, i don't know what to do.

480
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:22,470
take the money.

481
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:25,830
money is good, money is happiness.

482
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:26,550
if i work there,

483
00:17:26,550 --> 00:17:30,030
i'll be representing the most evil corporations in the world.

484
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,380
kind of sounds like a pro and con list to me.

485
00:17:32,950 --> 00:17:34,100
lily, you have to tell him.

486
00:17:34,100 --> 00:17:35,990
you can help him make this decision.

487
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,930
oh, i think he's doing fine on his own.

488
00:17:39,230 --> 00:17:42,280
@#$%^&*@#$%^&*

489
00:17:43,780 --> 00:17:45,490
all right.

490
00:17:49,070 --> 00:17:50,510
marshall,

491
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:52,760
i have something to say,

492
00:17:52,770 --> 00:17:54,680
and it's going to help you make your decision.

493
00:17:54,690 --> 00:17:58,110
oh, of course, you know my heart better than i do.

494
00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:00,170
you know what's best for me and for us.

495
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:03,030
please, please tell me what to do.

496
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:11,260
i think you should take the job at the nrdc.

497
00:18:11,270 --> 00:18:14,070
of course i should, of course i should.

498
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:15,290
guys,

499
00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:17,880
i'm going to save the planet earth.

500
00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:19,640
i got to go call jeff.

501
00:18:23,810 --> 00:18:25,090
what is the matter with you?

502
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:27,040
i can't ask him to make himself miserable

503
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,190
because of a mistake i made.

504
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,760
it's my problem; i'll figure it out.

505
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:33,860
that's really sweet.

506
00:18:34,610 --> 00:18:35,300
are those new earrings?

507
00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:37,190
what are you, my mom?

508
00:18:37,980 --> 00:18:41,040
jeff, hey, um, it's marshall.

509
00:18:41,050 --> 00:18:42,470
hey, marshall.

510
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,480
i have something that i need to tell you.

511
00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:47,160
i feel really weird about doing this over the phone.

512
00:18:47,170 --> 00:18:48,660
then don't.

513
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:51,540
before you say anything,

514
00:18:51,550 --> 00:18:54,830
come take a ride in this awesome limo with me.

515
00:18:55,130 --> 00:18:56,590
where are we going?

516
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,560
tuckahoe funland.

517
00:18:58,900 --> 00:18:59,960
i'm sorry.

518
00:18:59,970 --> 00:19:02,250
it sounded like you said tuckahoe funland,

519
00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:05,100
the magic factory where dreams are made.

520
00:19:05,110 --> 00:19:06,600
get in.

521
00:19:11,570 --> 00:19:14,270
man, i-i love this place.

522
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:15,860
me, too, buddy.

523
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,120
so what did you want to tell me?

524
00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:21,660
i can't work for you.

525
00:19:21,730 --> 00:19:23,100
i know, dude.

526
00:19:23,110 --> 00:19:24,610
it's fine.

527
00:19:24,620 --> 00:19:27,390
marshall eriksen wants to preserve the environment,

528
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,390
so that our children can enjoy it as we have.

529
00:19:29,390 --> 00:19:30,970
i get it.

530
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:33,900
good. thank you.

531
00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:38,470
i look down and see children enjoying this place.

532
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:42,280
yeah, because somebody fought to preserve it.

533
00:19:42,690 --> 00:19:45,140
if they ever shut this place down, it would be a tragedy.

534
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:48,700
well, the good news is, that'll never happen.

535
00:19:48,950 --> 00:19:50,670
you won't let it.

536
00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:52,720
because when you work for us,

537
00:19:52,730 --> 00:19:56,420
your only client will be this place--

538
00:19:56,580 --> 00:19:59,010
tuckahoe funland.

539
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:03,870
i'm taking the job.

540
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:04,730
hey! all right.

541
00:20:04,730 --> 00:20:05,530
and the best part is

542
00:20:05,530 --> 00:20:06,520
i'm not even going to be representing

543
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:07,810
some sort of evil corporation.

544
00:20:07,810 --> 00:20:11,390
i will be representing tuckahoe funland,

545
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,460
the least evil place in the world.

546
00:20:13,470 --> 00:20:14,880
or so marshall thought.

547
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,730
oh, i'd better check on him.

548
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,110
lance hardwood,

549
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:44,660
sex architect starring ted mosby.

550
00:20:44,670 --> 00:20:45,930
terrific.

551
00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:47,990
you'll notice i'm in the credits.

552
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,300
i did some location scouting.

553
00:20:57,500 --> 00:21:01,320
here are the plans for the new international sex building.

554
00:21:01,620 --> 00:21:05,060
wow, that really looks like our apartment.

555
00:21:05,070 --> 00:21:05,810
it is.

556
00:21:05,820 --> 00:21:08,160
oh, i should return these.

557
00:21:09,230 --> 00:21:12,800
sex architect, you've done it again.

558
00:21:12,810 --> 00:21:16,050
let's go celebrate on the couch.

559
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000