1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,388 It was a quiet November afternoon in 2007. 2 00:00:02,791 --> 00:00:06,291 I was working from home, because, you know, no distractions. 3 00:00:06,291 --> 00:00:08,691 - This is incredible! I have big news. - Oh, my God! I can't believe it! 4 00:00:08,791 --> 00:00:10,191 - I have big news. - Oh, my God! 5 00:00:10,291 --> 00:00:12,191 Okay, my thing's pretty huge. But fine, you can go first. 6 00:00:12,191 --> 00:00:13,991 Okay, I just found out... 7 00:00:13,991 --> 00:00:16,091 I found a porno starring Ted Mosby! 8 00:00:17,191 --> 00:00:18,491 What are you... what are talking about? 9 00:00:18,591 --> 00:00:22,491 I'm talking about Welcome to the Sex Plane, 10 00:00:22,491 --> 00:00:26,291 and look who plays the navigator, Ted Mosby. 11 00:00:27,991 --> 00:00:29,791 It's the same exact spelling as my name. 12 00:00:29,791 --> 00:00:33,091 Okay, you know, cute coincidence, Barney. Whatever. 13 00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,191 I just got off the phone with the NR... 14 00:00:35,191 --> 00:00:38,391 Oh, my God, this totally explains the thing at my doctor's the other day. 15 00:00:39,091 --> 00:00:40,191 Open wide. 16 00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:43,991 I guess you're more used to saying that than hearing it, huh, Ted Mosby? 17 00:00:46,791 --> 00:00:48,191 Who is this guy? 18 00:00:48,391 --> 00:00:50,191 And why's my doctor watching porn? 19 00:00:50,391 --> 00:00:52,991 All right, let's meet your new doppelganger. 20 00:00:52,991 --> 00:00:55,391 Or should I say doppelbanger? 21 00:00:55,591 --> 00:00:59,291 Guys, guys, guys! Can I tell you my news? It's pretty... 22 00:00:59,391 --> 00:01:00,791 This is really bizarre. 23 00:01:00,891 --> 00:01:02,091 The only other famous Mosby I know was 24 00:01:02,191 --> 00:01:04,291 a Confederate general during the Civil War. 25 00:01:04,291 --> 00:01:05,491 Probably not the same guy. 26 00:01:05,491 --> 00:01:07,291 I got the job at the NRDC! 27 00:01:07,291 --> 00:01:09,291 You got the job! Oh! 28 00:01:09,891 --> 00:01:12,891 The NRDC, or National Resources Defense Council, 29 00:01:12,891 --> 00:01:15,091 fought to preserve America's clean water, 30 00:01:15,091 --> 00:01:17,291 fresh air and pristine wilderness. 31 00:01:17,391 --> 00:01:18,891 It was Marshall's dream job. 32 00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:20,791 - Congrats, buddy! - Thanks. 33 00:01:20,891 --> 00:01:22,591 It's kind of weird hugging with porn on. 34 00:01:22,691 --> 00:01:23,791 It really is. 35 00:01:23,991 --> 00:01:25,691 Oh! Hey, hey-o! 36 00:01:25,791 --> 00:01:27,291 New guy entering the cockpit. 37 00:01:27,291 --> 00:01:29,591 Could it be the navigator, Ted Mosby? 38 00:01:29,691 --> 00:01:32,691 Uh... no. No, navigators have three stripes on their hats. 39 00:01:32,691 --> 00:01:35,091 Captains have four. That guy's a captain. 40 00:01:35,391 --> 00:01:38,391 Yeah, and I'm sure complete accuracy in all those details 41 00:01:38,491 --> 00:01:40,891 was very important to the directors... 42 00:01:40,891 --> 00:01:43,891 "Dirt and Skank, The Raunch Brothers." 43 00:01:46,891 --> 00:01:49,491 Baby, I have some exciting news! 44 00:01:49,491 --> 00:01:53,091 I hope it's not that you just won some sort of race here. 45 00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:54,891 I got the job at the NRDC! 46 00:01:54,891 --> 00:01:57,491 And I found a porno starring Ted Mosby! 47 00:01:57,491 --> 00:01:59,391 Oh my God, that's amazing! 48 00:01:59,491 --> 00:02:00,491 I know, right? 49 00:02:00,491 --> 00:02:03,591 - Oh, congratulations, Marshall! - Congratulations to us all! 50 00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:05,291 Oh, let's go celebrate! 51 00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:08,891 The fact that I found a porno starring a guy named Ted Mosby... let's do it! 52 00:02:09,791 --> 00:02:10,891 Oh, is that him? 53 00:02:10,991 --> 00:02:13,691 'Cause that Ted Mosby really knows what he's doing. 54 00:02:13,691 --> 00:02:14,891 No, that's not him. 55 00:02:15,591 --> 00:02:18,591 What do you mean, "that" Ted Mosby really knows what he's doing. 56 00:02:18,691 --> 00:02:20,991 Oh, no. No, I meant, 57 00:02:21,091 --> 00:02:23,591 that Ted Mosby, he really knows what he's doing. 58 00:02:23,691 --> 00:02:25,391 Like all Ted Mosbys. 59 00:02:25,991 --> 00:02:28,591 Wow, NRDC! Way to go, Marshall. 60 00:02:29,391 --> 00:02:32,191 But you're still gonna go to your job interview today, right, baby? 61 00:02:32,291 --> 00:02:35,891 Marshall had an interview at a firm called Nicholson, Hewitt and West. 62 00:02:35,991 --> 00:02:38,991 They represented, well, pretty much everybody Marshall was going to sue 63 00:02:38,991 --> 00:02:40,991 once he started at the NRDC. 64 00:02:40,991 --> 00:02:43,991 I'm not doing that interview. Those people are evil. 65 00:02:44,091 --> 00:02:46,691 Marshall, your dad went through a lot of trouble to set this up. 66 00:02:46,691 --> 00:02:48,891 You can't just pull out at the last second. 67 00:02:48,991 --> 00:02:50,191 Apparently you can. 68 00:02:51,591 --> 00:02:54,391 Ted, Ted, Ted, guy in the hat! Three stripes! 69 00:02:54,391 --> 00:02:57,191 Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Ted Mosby, porn star. 70 00:02:57,191 --> 00:02:58,991 - Oh. - Wow. 71 00:02:58,991 --> 00:03:00,491 - Oh! - Oh. 72 00:03:00,591 --> 00:03:03,291 I know what kind of plane this is. It's a "Boing." 73 00:03:04,191 --> 00:03:07,091 See. This is way better than Marshall's internship. 74 00:03:07,191 --> 00:03:08,691 It's a real job. 75 00:03:09,391 --> 00:03:10,691 Who is this guy? 76 00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,091 Are we related? 77 00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:13,391 Do, do I look like him? 78 00:03:15,091 --> 00:03:17,191 It's hard to tell. Go, go like this. 79 00:03:20,191 --> 00:03:21,591 - Oh, yeah, a little bit. - Yeah. 80 00:03:21,691 --> 00:03:22,991 - More around the eyes. - Oh, I do see that. 81 00:03:23,690 --> 00:03:26,190 Sync by vNaru 82 00:03:38,491 --> 00:03:42,091 And here's your water, in case you're dehydrated, Ted Mosby. 83 00:03:42,991 --> 00:03:45,591 Very funny, Wendy. Now we know you watch porn. 84 00:03:46,691 --> 00:03:48,791 This Ted Mosby must be getting kind of famous. 85 00:03:48,791 --> 00:03:49,991 You're not wrong. 86 00:03:50,191 --> 00:03:53,391 According to the Web site, of the far superior Ted Mosby... 87 00:03:53,891 --> 00:03:58,191 he's been in the business three months, and he's made 125 movies. 88 00:03:58,291 --> 00:04:01,691 Wow. That's 42 movies a month. 89 00:04:01,691 --> 00:04:04,091 Who is he, Jude Law? 90 00:04:04,091 --> 00:04:07,391 Right? He makes a lot of movies. 91 00:04:07,791 --> 00:04:11,091 I mean, not so much lately, but maybe, like, 92 00:04:11,291 --> 00:04:14,191 two years ago, you couldn't go to a movie without... 93 00:04:15,791 --> 00:04:16,891 Oh, hey, look, check it out. 94 00:04:16,891 --> 00:04:19,891 Ted Mosby did an interview in Adult Video Weekly. 95 00:04:19,991 --> 00:04:22,491 Adult Video Weekly? 96 00:04:22,791 --> 00:04:23,691 Oh, no. 97 00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:29,091 - Hello? - Hi, I'm looking for Ted Mosby. 98 00:04:29,091 --> 00:04:30,791 It's Leonard Ross from AVW. 99 00:04:31,491 --> 00:04:33,191 Oh, my God! AVW? 100 00:04:33,191 --> 00:04:35,291 It's Architecture Vision Weekly! 101 00:04:36,691 --> 00:04:39,491 Wow, I've been reading your magazine since I was a little kid. 102 00:04:39,491 --> 00:04:41,091 Well, that's a bummer. 103 00:04:41,191 --> 00:04:43,791 Anyway, I'm calling to interview you about your latest project. 104 00:04:44,191 --> 00:04:45,691 Well, I don't want to say it's my project. 105 00:04:45,791 --> 00:04:47,691 I mean, I'll be working with at least three partners. 106 00:04:47,791 --> 00:04:49,691 Oh! Group scene. Always fun. 107 00:04:50,091 --> 00:04:52,191 Yeah, yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. 108 00:04:52,291 --> 00:04:56,291 I mean, I know they're gonna ride me pretty hard but they're great guys. 109 00:04:56,391 --> 00:04:59,491 Guys? Whoa, there's a scoop. 110 00:05:00,791 --> 00:05:03,191 That interview went on for 20 more minutes. 111 00:05:03,491 --> 00:05:05,591 "This project was so demanding, 112 00:05:05,691 --> 00:05:09,391 "I can't tell you how many nights I spent bent over a table." 113 00:05:10,991 --> 00:05:13,391 Oh, hey, baby, how'd the interview go? 114 00:05:13,491 --> 00:05:15,191 Um, interesting. 115 00:05:15,491 --> 00:05:18,091 There I am in the office of Jefferson Coatsworth, 116 00:05:18,191 --> 00:05:19,991 and I figure I'm not gonna take this job anyway, 117 00:05:19,991 --> 00:05:22,691 I might as well give this old bastard a piece of my mind. 118 00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:25,791 Jefferson Coatsworth wasn't what I expected. 119 00:05:26,391 --> 00:05:27,391 Marshall, 120 00:05:28,291 --> 00:05:29,291 Jeff Coatsworth. 121 00:05:30,991 --> 00:05:31,791 Hello. 122 00:05:31,791 --> 00:05:34,991 Dude, I am so, so psyched that you're here. 123 00:05:35,591 --> 00:05:36,591 Can I beer ya? 124 00:05:36,691 --> 00:05:37,891 Marshall was thrown. 125 00:05:37,991 --> 00:05:39,491 This guy seemed nice. 126 00:05:39,591 --> 00:05:40,491 Of course, he wasn't. 127 00:05:40,791 --> 00:05:41,491 - Sous-titre non traduit - 128 00:05:42,491 --> 00:05:43,891 Go-go to hell! 129 00:05:44,091 --> 00:05:45,191 I'd do it again! 130 00:05:45,391 --> 00:05:47,691 I'm innocent. I'm innocent. 131 00:05:48,591 --> 00:05:49,591 Marshall, 132 00:05:50,091 --> 00:05:53,191 why do you want to work at Nicholson, Hewitt & West? 133 00:05:53,291 --> 00:05:55,691 Right, um, okay, Jeff, I've actually given this a lot of thought... 134 00:05:55,791 --> 00:05:57,791 I'm sorry. Stop. 135 00:05:57,891 --> 00:05:59,491 I can't do this with a straight face. 136 00:06:00,291 --> 00:06:02,091 You don't want to work here. 137 00:06:02,191 --> 00:06:05,091 You're only here 'cause your dad went to high school with Joe Hewitt. 138 00:06:05,191 --> 00:06:09,291 Fact is, you just got a sweet job at the NRDC. 139 00:06:09,691 --> 00:06:10,991 And it's awome. 140 00:06:11,491 --> 00:06:13,691 Man, I could have gone the non-profit route. 141 00:06:13,891 --> 00:06:14,791 I didn't. 142 00:06:14,991 --> 00:06:17,691 And it eats me up inside every day. 143 00:06:17,891 --> 00:06:19,391 I hate myself. 144 00:06:21,191 --> 00:06:22,791 I hate myself. 145 00:06:23,991 --> 00:06:25,591 Oh, he's good. 146 00:06:25,791 --> 00:06:27,691 Classic seduction technique. 147 00:06:27,991 --> 00:06:30,391 - What do you mean? - Oh, I use it all the time. 148 00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:33,491 First I buy her, and by her I mean you, a drink. 149 00:06:33,691 --> 00:06:35,591 Now, I'm the guy who gets her what she wants. 150 00:06:35,691 --> 00:06:38,991 Then I pretend to care about whatever idiotic thing she cares about. 151 00:06:38,991 --> 00:06:41,291 For you, that would be the environment. 152 00:06:41,691 --> 00:06:43,791 Now, I'm the great guy who shares her interests. 153 00:06:43,891 --> 00:06:46,391 And before you know it, you're naked in my apartment 154 00:06:46,391 --> 00:06:49,591 shouting, "Oh, oh, Bar-r-r-ne-e-ey!" 155 00:06:49,791 --> 00:06:51,691 And by you, I mean her. 156 00:06:52,191 --> 00:06:54,291 He is not trying to seduce me. 157 00:06:54,391 --> 00:06:55,891 He didn't even offer me the job. 158 00:06:55,991 --> 00:06:58,091 That comes later. At dinner. 159 00:06:58,191 --> 00:07:00,491 He did invite you to dinner, didn't he? 160 00:07:01,491 --> 00:07:05,391 Let me buy you dinner, tomorrow night, as a thank you ? 161 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,891 Okay? You'll tell me all about the NRDC, 162 00:07:07,891 --> 00:07:10,491 and we'll charge it all to one of my evil clients. 163 00:07:10,791 --> 00:07:12,791 - I, you know, I don't know... - Marshall, 164 00:07:13,991 --> 00:07:15,591 you know what Kobe beef is? 165 00:07:17,091 --> 00:07:19,391 The most expensive beef in the world. 166 00:07:19,991 --> 00:07:23,391 The place I'm taking you has Kobe lobster. 167 00:07:23,691 --> 00:07:27,291 That is lobster fed with Kobe beef. 168 00:07:28,891 --> 00:07:31,791 Oh, my God, he's trying to seduce me. 169 00:07:31,891 --> 00:07:33,591 So are you gonna go to dinner with him? 170 00:07:33,691 --> 00:07:37,591 No. No way. I promised myself to the NRDC. 171 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,191 I'm not that kind of lawyer. 172 00:07:39,191 --> 00:07:41,791 Oh, you should go. I mean, you're not gonna take the job, 173 00:07:41,791 --> 00:07:44,291 but you might as well get a great meal out of the deal. 174 00:07:44,491 --> 00:07:45,591 Don't wait up. 175 00:07:46,691 --> 00:07:48,091 Guys, guys, guys, check this out. 176 00:07:48,091 --> 00:07:51,791 Ted Mosby porn star's bio says his hometown is your hometown. 177 00:07:51,791 --> 00:07:52,991 Shaker Heights, Ohio. 178 00:07:53,091 --> 00:07:53,891 What? 179 00:07:53,991 --> 00:07:56,791 Okay, this is getting creepy. Who, who is this guy? 180 00:07:56,891 --> 00:07:57,891 I gotta find him. 181 00:07:57,991 --> 00:08:00,791 Well, it's your lucky day. He's gonna be signing autographs tomorrow night 182 00:08:00,891 --> 00:08:03,991 in Manhattan at something called the Adult Video Expo. 183 00:08:04,091 --> 00:08:07,891 Wait. Are you telling me that they actually have conventions for porn? 184 00:08:07,891 --> 00:08:10,391 Affirmative. Or to put it another way... 185 00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,891 God bless America. 186 00:08:15,891 --> 00:08:18,291 You can really taste the beef in that lobster. 187 00:08:18,291 --> 00:08:19,291 Right. 188 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:21,191 Listen, 189 00:08:21,791 --> 00:08:25,191 I know we're only here to screw over my client, who quite frankly deserves it... 190 00:08:26,291 --> 00:08:30,191 but I gotta be able to tell the guys upstairs I gave you the spiel, okay? 191 00:08:30,291 --> 00:08:31,391 So, first up, 192 00:08:31,991 --> 00:08:34,091 - starting salary. - Okay. 193 00:08:34,791 --> 00:08:35,891 Here we go. 194 00:08:35,991 --> 00:08:39,991 This is the big number that's supposed to impress me and... Wow. 195 00:08:40,291 --> 00:08:43,091 That is a... Big number. 196 00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:45,691 There's also a signing bonus, 197 00:08:45,891 --> 00:08:48,991 use of a company car, expense account, blah blah blah. 198 00:08:49,091 --> 00:08:52,591 Hey, by the way, turn around and wave to Patrick Swayze. Hey. 199 00:08:55,591 --> 00:08:58,091 I'm going to, uh, try to remain cool. 200 00:08:58,191 --> 00:09:00,291 But you know Patrick Swayze?! 201 00:09:00,391 --> 00:09:01,491 He's a client. 202 00:09:01,491 --> 00:09:04,291 Who do you think bought us this wine. Crazy Swayze. 203 00:09:04,491 --> 00:09:05,691 Cheers, buddy. 204 00:09:07,191 --> 00:09:10,191 Okay. No. Jeff, this is all very impressive, 205 00:09:10,291 --> 00:09:12,891 - but I just don't think that... - Listen, I know, I know. 206 00:09:12,991 --> 00:09:16,291 You're not gonna be tempted by big numbers and fancy perks. 207 00:09:16,391 --> 00:09:18,191 You're gonna do the noble thing, 208 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:20,791 take the low-paying job at the NRDC, 209 00:09:20,791 --> 00:09:22,491 live off your family money. 210 00:09:22,691 --> 00:09:23,791 Family money? 211 00:09:24,291 --> 00:09:25,991 You do have family money, don't you? 212 00:09:26,091 --> 00:09:27,991 No, um, not that I know of. 213 00:09:27,991 --> 00:09:32,291 I do have an uncle who owns a, a pretty successful bait shop. 214 00:09:33,391 --> 00:09:37,091 NRDC. No family money. 215 00:09:38,291 --> 00:09:41,191 Oh. So you don't plan on having kids? 216 00:09:41,391 --> 00:09:43,491 Actually, I, I want to have four kids. 217 00:09:44,391 --> 00:09:45,491 Well... 218 00:09:46,491 --> 00:09:48,691 New York public schools make a lot of parents nervous, 219 00:09:48,691 --> 00:09:50,891 but the kids who walk out, 220 00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:52,591 walk out proud. 221 00:09:53,891 --> 00:09:55,591 It was turning into a tough decision. 222 00:09:55,891 --> 00:09:57,691 Now, kids, when I'm facing a tough decision 223 00:09:57,691 --> 00:09:59,491 I like to get out the old yellow legal pad 224 00:09:59,591 --> 00:10:01,291 make a list of pros and cons. 225 00:10:01,291 --> 00:10:02,791 Marshall new all the cons, 226 00:10:02,791 --> 00:10:04,591 but there was one thing he didn't know, 227 00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:06,691 a big item in the pros column. 228 00:10:06,791 --> 00:10:08,991 - Lily, you're a kindergarten teacher. - Yeah. 229 00:10:09,391 --> 00:10:12,291 'Cause Robin was about to ask Lily the one question... 230 00:10:12,391 --> 00:10:15,191 An-And you make a kindergarten teacher's salary, right? 231 00:10:15,391 --> 00:10:16,091 Yeah. 232 00:10:16,191 --> 00:10:18,091 ...that Lily had been dreading for years. 233 00:10:18,191 --> 00:10:20,691 How do you afford all of these expensive clothes? 234 00:10:21,391 --> 00:10:23,491 I shop the sales. 235 00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:25,991 They were in the closet when we moved in. 236 00:10:26,691 --> 00:10:29,091 I steal. I'm a criminal. 237 00:10:29,191 --> 00:10:31,891 I once shot a man just to watch him die. 238 00:10:32,891 --> 00:10:35,091 - Lily? - Okay. 239 00:10:35,691 --> 00:10:38,091 That's when Lily showed Robin her box of shame. 240 00:10:40,491 --> 00:10:42,291 Lily, this is nuts. 241 00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:44,691 - How many credit cards do you have? - I don't know. 242 00:10:44,791 --> 00:10:47,791 - How much do you owe? - I don't know! 243 00:10:50,991 --> 00:10:54,691 Wow. I can't believe this many people love porn this much, 244 00:10:55,291 --> 00:10:58,391 including that guy who works in human resources at my firm. Hi. 245 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:02,391 Let's just wave at each other awkwardly. That'll make it better. 246 00:11:03,491 --> 00:11:06,491 Dude, come on, let's just find Bizarro me and get out of here. 247 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,591 Oh, oh, I get it. 248 00:11:08,691 --> 00:11:12,691 Ted Mosby, non-porn star, thinks this is all crude and disgusting. 249 00:11:12,691 --> 00:11:16,391 You know who else was considered crude and disgusting? Shakespeare. 250 00:11:16,691 --> 00:11:21,091 But his themes, love, lust, forbidden desire, were universal, 251 00:11:21,191 --> 00:11:23,991 which is why his work has stood the test of time. 252 00:11:23,991 --> 00:11:25,491 And so will all this. 253 00:11:25,791 --> 00:11:27,691 400 years from now, 254 00:11:27,791 --> 00:11:30,891 some high school drama class will be doing a plucky, 255 00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:34,791 spirited production of Beef Party VII. 256 00:11:35,791 --> 00:11:38,491 Oh, my God, Lily, that is a lot of debt. 257 00:11:38,591 --> 00:11:40,991 How did you get yourself into this situation? 258 00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:42,691 I don't know what it is. 259 00:11:42,691 --> 00:11:44,991 When I feel down about something, I shop. 260 00:11:46,991 --> 00:11:48,091 Ma'am, is everything okay? 261 00:11:48,091 --> 00:11:50,891 No, I just had a huge fight with my mother. 262 00:11:50,891 --> 00:11:52,591 She doesn't understand me at all. 263 00:11:54,691 --> 00:11:58,391 I swore that teaching would be a way to support my painting career, 264 00:11:58,491 --> 00:12:00,491 but I never paint anymore. 265 00:12:02,191 --> 00:12:04,991 I just got a huge credit card bill. 266 00:12:06,191 --> 00:12:08,291 - Does Marshall know? - No. 267 00:12:08,391 --> 00:12:11,191 But you guys are the couple who tell each other everything. 268 00:12:11,391 --> 00:12:14,191 And for God's sakes, Lily, you text him while he's on the can. 269 00:12:14,991 --> 00:12:16,991 Well, I just want him to know I'm rooting for him. 270 00:12:18,091 --> 00:12:20,591 Wait, okay, this all makes sense. 271 00:12:20,691 --> 00:12:21,791 So when you said... 272 00:12:21,891 --> 00:12:24,591 But you're still going to go to your job interview today, right, baby? 273 00:12:24,591 --> 00:12:25,291 And then... 274 00:12:25,291 --> 00:12:27,991 Oh, you should go. I mean, you're not gonna to take the job, 275 00:12:28,091 --> 00:12:30,291 but you might as well get a great meal out of the deal. 276 00:12:30,391 --> 00:12:33,591 You were pushing him into taking that high-paying corporate job. 277 00:12:33,691 --> 00:12:37,391 I know. It's terrible that I was trying to get him to do that. 278 00:12:37,391 --> 00:12:39,291 Terrible? He has to take it. 279 00:12:39,391 --> 00:12:41,791 I mean, how else are you going to pay off all that debt? 280 00:12:42,191 --> 00:12:45,491 Lily, you have to tell him about this before he turns down that job. 281 00:12:46,191 --> 00:12:48,991 You're right. I feel awful. 282 00:12:50,591 --> 00:12:52,691 - You know, there's a sale... - We're not going shopping. 283 00:12:59,591 --> 00:13:01,591 There he is. Come on, let's go. 284 00:13:02,291 --> 00:13:04,591 Why do I get so nervous around celebrities? 285 00:13:05,591 --> 00:13:09,491 Hi, Ted Mosby. I'm Ted Mosby. 286 00:13:09,791 --> 00:13:12,091 - Ted Mosby, it's you. - Have we met? 287 00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:14,891 Mr. Mosby, it is an honor to meet you, sir. 288 00:13:14,891 --> 00:13:17,091 Starney Binson. Barney Stinson. 289 00:13:17,091 --> 00:13:17,791 Damn it. 290 00:13:18,191 --> 00:13:19,491 We have met. 291 00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,291 My real name is Steve Biel. 292 00:13:21,791 --> 00:13:23,291 When I was in fourth grade, you were in ninth, 293 00:13:23,291 --> 00:13:25,191 and, and one day I was out behind the school 294 00:13:25,191 --> 00:13:27,991 and a bunch of seventh graders were just beating the crap out of me. 295 00:13:28,191 --> 00:13:29,991 Oh, yeah, I remember. That was you? 296 00:13:29,991 --> 00:13:30,691 Yeah, 297 00:13:30,791 --> 00:13:32,191 but you pulled them off me. 298 00:13:32,291 --> 00:13:34,691 You told them to go pick on someone their own size. 299 00:13:35,591 --> 00:13:39,091 I vowed right then that when I made something of myself, 300 00:13:39,291 --> 00:13:41,091 I would honor you somehow. 301 00:13:41,291 --> 00:13:43,891 So you took my name and starred in... 302 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,791 Welcome To The Sex Truck? 303 00:13:46,591 --> 00:13:47,591 Yeah. 304 00:13:49,791 --> 00:13:52,091 Yeah, listen, Ted, you got to stop using my name. 305 00:13:52,191 --> 00:13:54,691 I, I'm trying to make a career as an architect. 306 00:13:54,991 --> 00:13:56,091 Architect, huh? 307 00:13:56,491 --> 00:13:58,991 You mean like a sex architect? 308 00:13:59,391 --> 00:14:00,191 What? 309 00:14:00,191 --> 00:14:03,791 Yeah, you know, you're on to something. That would make a great title of a film. 310 00:14:03,791 --> 00:14:06,591 Ted Mosby, Sex Architect. 311 00:14:07,191 --> 00:14:11,491 You know, I'm actually looking for a new project to shoot next Friday afternoon. 312 00:14:12,291 --> 00:14:15,691 Yeah, listen, isn't, isn't there some other way you could honor me? 313 00:14:15,891 --> 00:14:17,391 With all due respect. 314 00:14:17,491 --> 00:14:19,291 Wait, you're not mad, are you? 315 00:14:19,991 --> 00:14:21,591 Oh, man, I knew it. 316 00:14:22,091 --> 00:14:24,891 My father said, "Just plant a tree in Israel." 317 00:14:25,391 --> 00:14:26,691 I'm such an idiot. 318 00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:29,091 I guess I thought you'd be psyched. 319 00:14:30,891 --> 00:14:31,791 I am. 320 00:14:32,391 --> 00:14:34,891 I am, it's just I feel a little guilty because 321 00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:37,091 I'm not the one who saved you that day. 322 00:14:37,291 --> 00:14:40,191 The guy who actually saved you was... 323 00:14:40,291 --> 00:14:42,091 named... 324 00:14:43,391 --> 00:14:45,791 Lance Hardwood. 325 00:14:46,291 --> 00:14:48,291 Lance Hardwood, yeah. 326 00:14:48,791 --> 00:14:49,591 Really? 327 00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,691 You know, you might not know this, but, 328 00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:55,191 in my business, that's kind of a killer name. 329 00:14:56,691 --> 00:14:58,691 Yeah, I guess, I guess it is. 330 00:14:58,791 --> 00:15:00,091 I can see the poster now. 331 00:15:00,391 --> 00:15:02,891 Lance Hardwood, Sex Architect. 332 00:15:02,991 --> 00:15:04,791 Starring... Ted Mosby. 333 00:15:04,891 --> 00:15:06,491 I love it. 334 00:15:08,591 --> 00:15:10,691 Marshall and Jeff stayed pretty late at the restaurant. 335 00:15:10,991 --> 00:15:13,691 They stayed so late that Marshall crashed on Jeff's couch, 336 00:15:13,791 --> 00:15:14,591 and the next day, 337 00:15:14,691 --> 00:15:18,791 Marshall took part in a Sunday morning tradition as old as the city itself: 338 00:15:19,091 --> 00:15:20,591 the Walk of Shame, 339 00:15:20,791 --> 00:15:23,991 the long journey home after doing something you regret the night before. 340 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:25,891 I'll take the job. 341 00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:27,391 That's awesome! 342 00:15:27,391 --> 00:15:28,991 - Yeah! - Yeah! 343 00:15:29,391 --> 00:15:30,891 Great time last night. 344 00:15:31,391 --> 00:15:32,591 I'll call you later. 345 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:34,891 He's not going to call you. 346 00:15:38,691 --> 00:15:39,691 - Hey. - Hey. 347 00:15:40,191 --> 00:15:41,891 Did you get my message? I just... 348 00:15:41,891 --> 00:15:43,791 - I crashed uptown. - Yeah, yeah. Listen, 349 00:15:43,891 --> 00:15:46,791 I have, uh, something to tell you. 350 00:15:46,891 --> 00:15:49,291 Uh, I have something I need to tell you also. 351 00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:51,291 Mine's pretty huge. 352 00:15:51,791 --> 00:15:52,991 You go first. 353 00:15:53,291 --> 00:15:54,291 Well... 354 00:15:54,691 --> 00:15:55,891 I took the job. 355 00:15:56,591 --> 00:15:59,291 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was drunk, 356 00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:03,691 and it was a haze of cigars and scotch and Swayze, 357 00:16:03,891 --> 00:16:05,491 and they offered me, like, 358 00:16:05,791 --> 00:16:08,691 like, like, like, a lot of money. 359 00:16:09,091 --> 00:16:10,591 Oh, Marshall. 360 00:16:11,791 --> 00:16:13,991 How much money? 361 00:16:17,191 --> 00:16:17,891 Here. 362 00:16:19,791 --> 00:16:22,691 Whee! 363 00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:24,891 Yeah! 364 00:16:26,291 --> 00:16:28,191 It's completely despicable. I know, 365 00:16:28,391 --> 00:16:33,491 I know, I sold out for a huge pile of disgusting money, 366 00:16:33,991 --> 00:16:38,491 disgusting money that could help our future family 367 00:16:38,491 --> 00:16:41,791 have some financial security and could help pay for law school. 368 00:16:41,991 --> 00:16:43,191 Law school. 369 00:16:43,591 --> 00:16:45,891 Law school that I went to to help protect the environment, 370 00:16:45,991 --> 00:16:48,091 not help destroy it. And for what? 371 00:16:48,191 --> 00:16:50,791 For, for... a lot of money. 372 00:16:55,891 --> 00:16:57,691 Okay, you've got to stop screaming. 373 00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:00,491 Listen, Marshall, you know what I like to do in situations like this? 374 00:17:00,491 --> 00:17:04,391 Ted, if you say make a list of pros and cons, I'm going to smack you. 375 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:05,991 I wasn't going to say that. 376 00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:10,591 Okay, two beers, and Ted, here's that yellow legal pad you asked for. 377 00:17:10,591 --> 00:17:12,991 Yellow legal pad? I ordered fries. 378 00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:15,891 Maybe you should use this to write down people's orders. 379 00:17:18,691 --> 00:17:21,091 Guys, I, I don't know what to do. 380 00:17:21,191 --> 00:17:24,991 Take the money. Money is good, money is happiness. 381 00:17:25,591 --> 00:17:29,491 If I work there, I'll be representing the most evil corporations in the world. 382 00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:31,691 Kind of sounds like a pro and con list to me. 383 00:17:32,591 --> 00:17:35,591 Lily, you have to tell him. You can help him make this decision. 384 00:17:35,791 --> 00:17:37,991 Oh, I think he's doing fine on his own. 385 00:17:43,291 --> 00:17:44,591 All right. 386 00:17:48,691 --> 00:17:49,691 Marshall, 387 00:17:51,091 --> 00:17:54,391 I have something to say, and it's gonna help you make your decision. 388 00:17:54,391 --> 00:17:57,791 Oh, of course, you know my heart better than I do. 389 00:17:57,791 --> 00:18:02,591 You know what's best for me and for us. Please, please tell me what to do. 390 00:18:07,491 --> 00:18:10,391 I think you should take the job at the NRDC. 391 00:18:10,591 --> 00:18:13,391 Of course I should, of course I should. 392 00:18:13,791 --> 00:18:17,291 Guys, I'm going to save the planet Earth. 393 00:18:17,391 --> 00:18:19,291 I got to go call Jeff. 394 00:18:23,391 --> 00:18:24,691 What is the matter with you? 395 00:18:24,691 --> 00:18:28,691 I can't ask him to make himself miserable because of a mistake I made. 396 00:18:28,891 --> 00:18:31,091 It's my problem; I'll figure it out. 397 00:18:31,691 --> 00:18:33,091 That's really sweet. 398 00:18:33,991 --> 00:18:36,391 - Are those new earrings? - What are you, my mom? 399 00:18:37,691 --> 00:18:41,491 - Jeff, hey, um, it's Marshall. - Hey, Marshall. 400 00:18:42,291 --> 00:18:44,091 I have something that I need to tell you. 401 00:18:44,091 --> 00:18:46,691 I feel really weird about doing this over the phone. 402 00:18:46,791 --> 00:18:47,591 Then don't. 403 00:18:50,091 --> 00:18:51,291 Before you say anything, 404 00:18:51,291 --> 00:18:54,091 come take a ride in this awesome limo with me. 405 00:18:54,791 --> 00:18:56,091 Where are we going? 406 00:18:56,291 --> 00:18:57,691 Tuckahoe Funland. 407 00:18:58,691 --> 00:19:01,891 I'm sorry. It sounded like you said Tuckahoe Funland, 408 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:03,991 the magic factory where dreams are made. 409 00:19:04,691 --> 00:19:05,591 Get in. 410 00:19:11,091 --> 00:19:14,891 - Man, I-I love this place. - Me, too, buddy. 411 00:19:16,091 --> 00:19:17,491 So what did you want to tell me? 412 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:20,891 I can't work for you. 413 00:19:21,391 --> 00:19:22,391 I know, dude. 414 00:19:22,791 --> 00:19:23,791 It's fine. 415 00:19:24,291 --> 00:19:26,991 Marshall Eriksen wants to preserve the environment, 416 00:19:27,091 --> 00:19:30,191 so that our children can enjoy it as we have. I get it. 417 00:19:31,291 --> 00:19:33,291 Good. Thank you. 418 00:19:34,191 --> 00:19:37,991 I look down... and see children enjoying this place. 419 00:19:38,991 --> 00:19:41,391 Yeah, because somebody fought to preserve it. 420 00:19:41,491 --> 00:19:44,291 If they ever shut this place down, it would be a tragedy. 421 00:19:44,991 --> 00:19:47,991 Well, the good news is, that'll never happen. 422 00:19:48,691 --> 00:19:49,791 You won't let it. 423 00:19:50,791 --> 00:19:52,391 Because when you work for us, 424 00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:53,991 your only client... 425 00:19:54,291 --> 00:19:55,891 will be this place... 426 00:19:56,291 --> 00:19:58,091 Tuckahoe Funland. 427 00:20:01,991 --> 00:20:03,491 I'm taking the job. 428 00:20:03,591 --> 00:20:04,491 - Hey! - All right. 429 00:20:04,491 --> 00:20:05,291 And the best part is 430 00:20:05,391 --> 00:20:07,691 I'm not even going to be representing some sort of evil corporation. 431 00:20:07,691 --> 00:20:09,391 I will be representing 432 00:20:09,691 --> 00:20:10,991 Tuckahoe Funland, 433 00:20:11,091 --> 00:20:12,791 the least evil place in the world. 434 00:20:13,191 --> 00:20:14,291 Or so Marshall thought. 435 00:20:14,891 --> 00:20:16,091 FUNLAND SAFETY SCANDAL 436 00:20:16,491 --> 00:20:17,691 3 DIE AT FUNLAND 437 00:20:17,891 --> 00:20:19,791 E.COLI OUTBREAK TRACED TO FUNLAND CORNDOGS 438 00:20:20,391 --> 00:20:22,091 Great news, great news. 439 00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:27,891 Oh, I'd better check on him. 440 00:20:28,891 --> 00:20:28,991 G 441 00:20:28,991 --> 00:20:29,191 Go 442 00:20:29,191 --> 00:20:29,291 Goo 443 00:20:29,291 --> 00:20:29,391 Good 444 00:20:29,391 --> 00:20:29,591 Good l 445 00:20:29,591 --> 00:20:29,691 Good lu 446 00:20:29,691 --> 00:20:29,791 Good luc 447 00:20:29,791 --> 00:20:29,991 Good luck 448 00:20:29,991 --> 00:20:30,091 Good luck i 449 00:20:30,091 --> 00:20:30,291 Good luck in 450 00:20:30,291 --> 00:20:30,391 Good luck in t 451 00:20:30,391 --> 00:20:30,491 Good luck in th 452 00:20:30,491 --> 00:20:30,691 Good luck in the 453 00:20:30,691 --> 00:20:30,791 Good luck in ther 454 00:20:30,791 --> 00:20:30,891 Good luck in there 455 00:20:30,891 --> 00:20:31,091 Good luck in there b 456 00:20:31,091 --> 00:20:31,191 Good luck in there ba 457 00:20:31,191 --> 00:20:31,391 Good luck in there bab 458 00:20:31,391 --> 00:20:31,491 Good luck in there baby 459 00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:31,591 Good luck in there baby. 460 00:20:31,591 --> 00:20:31,791 Good luck in there baby. I 461 00:20:31,791 --> 00:20:31,891 Good luck in there baby. I b 462 00:20:31,891 --> 00:20:31,991 Good luck in there baby. I be 463 00:20:31,991 --> 00:20:32,191 Good luck in there baby. I bel 464 00:20:32,191 --> 00:20:32,291 Good luck in there baby. I beli 465 00:20:32,291 --> 00:20:32,491 Good luck in there baby. I belie 466 00:20:32,491 --> 00:20:32,591 Good luck in there baby. I believ 467 00:20:32,591 --> 00:20:32,691 Good luck in there baby. I believe 468 00:20:32,691 --> 00:20:32,891 Good luck in there baby. I believe i 469 00:20:32,891 --> 00:20:32,991 Good luck in there baby. I believe in 470 00:20:32,991 --> 00:20:33,091 Good luck in there baby. I believe in y 471 00:20:33,091 --> 00:20:33,291 Good luck in there baby. I believe in yo 472 00:20:33,291 --> 00:20:33,391 Good luck in there baby. I believe in you 473 00:20:33,391 --> 00:20:34,491 Good luck in there baby. I believe in you. 474 00:20:38,485 --> 00:20:39,185 Got it, 475 00:20:39,385 --> 00:20:43,085 Lance Hardwood, Sex Architect starring Ted Mosby. 476 00:20:43,185 --> 00:20:44,485 Terrific. 477 00:20:44,585 --> 00:20:46,585 You'll notice I'm in the credits. 478 00:20:46,585 --> 00:20:48,085 I did some location scouting. 479 00:20:56,085 --> 00:20:59,485 Here are the plans for the new International Sex Building. 480 00:21:00,185 --> 00:21:03,485 Wow... that really looks like our apartment. 481 00:21:03,585 --> 00:21:04,385 It is. 482 00:21:04,485 --> 00:21:06,485 Oh, I should return these. 483 00:21:07,385 --> 00:21:10,985 Oh, Sex Architect, you've done it again. 484 00:21:11,285 --> 00:21:13,685 Let's go celebrate on the couch.