1
00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:04,600
It was quiet in November
afternoon in 2007.

2
00:00:04,635 --> 00:00:05,800
<i>I was working from home,</i>

3
00:00:05,835 --> 00:00:08,000
<i>because, you know, no distractions.</i>

4
00:00:08,035 --> 00:00:09,900
- This is incredible!
- Oh, my God!

5
00:00:09,935 --> 00:00:11,000
I can't believe it!

6
00:00:11,035 --> 00:00:12,500
- I have big news.
- Oh, my God!

7
00:00:12,535 --> 00:00:13,400
Okay, my thing's
pretty huge.

8
00:00:13,435 --> 00:00:14,900
- But fine, you can go first.
- Okay,

9
00:00:14,935 --> 00:00:18,100
- I just.....
- I found a porno starring Ted Mosby!

10
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:20,800
What are you...,
what are talking about?

11
00:00:20,835 --> 00:00:24,600
<i>I'm talking about Welcome
to the Sex Plane,</i>

12
00:00:24,635 --> 00:00:26,900
and look who plays
the navigator,

13
00:00:26,935 --> 00:00:28,300
Ted Mosby.

14
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:30,000
Whoa.

15
00:00:30,035 --> 00:00:31,700
It's the same exact spelling
as my name.

16
00:00:31,735 --> 00:00:32,800
Okay, you know,

17
00:00:32,835 --> 00:00:35,200
cute coincidence, Barney.
Whatever.

18
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,300
I just got off the phone
with the NR...

19
00:00:37,335 --> 00:00:39,300
Oh, my God,
this totally explains the thing

20
00:00:39,335 --> 00:00:40,700
at my doctor's the other day.

21
00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:41,900
Open wide.

22
00:00:41,935 --> 00:00:43,900
I guess you're more used
to say that

23
00:00:43,935 --> 00:00:47,900
than hearing it,
huh, Ted Mosby?

24
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:49,700
Who is this guy?

25
00:00:49,735 --> 00:00:52,100
And why's my doctor
watching porn?

26
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,900
All right, let's meet
your new doppelganger.

27
00:00:54,935 --> 00:00:57,000
Or should I say doppelbanger?

28
00:00:57,035 --> 00:00:57,400
Oh.

29
00:00:57,435 --> 00:00:59,300
Guys, guys, guys!

30
00:00:59,335 --> 00:01:00,800
Can I tell my news?

31
00:01:00,835 --> 00:01:03,000
- It's pretty...
- This is really bizarre.

32
00:01:03,035 --> 00:01:04,464
The only other famous Mosby I know was a

33
00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:06,000
Confederate general
during the Civil War.

34
00:01:06,035 --> 00:01:07,500
Probably not the same guy.

35
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:09,100
I got the job
at the NRDC!

36
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:12,000
You got the job!
Oh!ah

37
00:01:12,035 --> 00:01:14,900
<i>The NRDC, a nature
resources defense counsel</i>

38
00:01:14,935 --> 00:01:17,100
<i>fought to preserve
America's clean water,</i>

39
00:01:17,135 --> 00:01:19,200
<i>fresh air and
pristine wilderness.</i>

40
00:01:19,235 --> 00:01:21,100
<i>It was Marshall's dream job.</i>

41
00:01:21,135 --> 00:01:22,700
- Congrats, buddy!
- Thanks.

44
00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,600
- Oh!
- Hey, hey-o!

45
00:01:27,635 --> 00:01:29,300
New guy entering the cockpit.

46
00:01:29,335 --> 00:01:31,800
Could it be the navigator,
Ted Mosby?

47
00:01:31,835 --> 00:01:32,700
Uh... no.

48
00:01:32,735 --> 00:01:34,700
Navigators have three
stripes on their hats.

49
00:01:34,735 --> 00:01:37,200
Captains have four.
The guy's a captain.

50
00:01:37,235 --> 00:01:39,500
Yeah I'm sure
complete accuracy

51
00:01:39,535 --> 00:01:42,600
in all those details was very
important to the directors...

52
00:01:42,635 --> 00:01:45,500
"Dirt and Skank,
The Raunch Brothers. "

53
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,500
Baby, I have some
exciting news!

54
00:01:51,535 --> 00:01:54,500
I hope it's not that you just
won some sort of race here.

55
00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:57,100
I got the job
at the NRDC!

56
00:01:57,135 --> 00:01:59,500
And I found a porno
starring Ted Mosby!

57
00:01:59,535 --> 00:02:01,600
Oh my God,
that's amazing!

58
00:02:01,635 --> 00:02:02,500
I know, right?

59
00:02:02,535 --> 00:02:04,200
Oh, congratulations,
Marshall!

60
00:02:04,235 --> 00:02:05,800
Congratulations to us all!

61
00:02:05,835 --> 00:02:07,400
Oh, let's go
celebrate!

62
00:02:07,435 --> 00:02:10,000
The fact that I found a porno
starring a guy named Ted Mosby--

63
00:02:10,035 --> 00:02:10,700
let's do it!

64
00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:12,900
Oh, is that him?

65
00:02:12,935 --> 00:02:15,700
'Cause that Ted Mosby
really knows what he's doing.

66
00:02:15,735 --> 00:02:16,700
No, that's not him.

67
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:18,200
What do you mean,

68
00:02:18,235 --> 00:02:20,700
"that" Ted Mosby really knows
what he's doing.

69
00:02:20,735 --> 00:02:21,600
Oh, no.

70
00:02:21,635 --> 00:02:24,200
No, I meant, that
Ted Mosby,

71
00:02:24,235 --> 00:02:25,600
he really knows
what he's doing.

72
00:02:25,635 --> 00:02:27,600
Like all Ted Mosbys.

73
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,100
Wow, NRDC!

74
00:02:29,135 --> 00:02:30,300
Way to go, Marshall.

75
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:34,200
But you're still gonna go to your job
interview today, right, baby?

76
00:02:34,235 --> 00:02:37,600
<i>Marshall had an interview
at a firm called Nicholson, Hewitt and West.</i>

77
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:40,200
<i>They represented well
pretty much everybody</i>

78
00:02:40,235 --> 00:02:43,100
Marshall was going to
sue once he started at the NRDC.

79
00:02:43,135 --> 00:02:45,900
I'm not doing that interview.
Those people are evil.

80
00:02:45,935 --> 00:02:48,900
Marshall, your dad went through
a lot of trouble to set this up.

81
00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:50,900
You can't just pull out
at the last second.

82
00:02:50,935 --> 00:02:52,100
Apparently you can.

83
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:56,500
Ted, Ted, Ted, guy in the hat!
Three stripes!

84
00:02:56,535 --> 00:02:59,300
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you
Ted Mosby, porn star.

85
00:02:59,335 --> 00:03:02,500
- Oh. Wow.
- whoa!

86
00:03:02,535 --> 00:03:04,000
I know what kind
of plane this is.

87
00:03:04,035 --> 00:03:05,400
It's a "Boing. "

88
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:07,100
See.

89
00:03:07,135 --> 00:03:09,200
This is way better
than Marshall's internship.

90
00:03:09,235 --> 00:03:11,200
It's a real job.

91
00:03:11,235 --> 00:03:13,000
Who is this guy?

92
00:03:13,035 --> 00:03:14,300
Are we related?

93
00:03:14,335 --> 00:03:15,500
Do, do I look like him?

94
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,300
Um...

95
00:03:17,335 --> 00:03:18,000
It's hard to tell.

96
00:03:18,035 --> 00:03:19,200
Go, go like this.

97
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,400
Oh, yeah, a little bit.
Yeah.

98
00:03:24,435 --> 00:03:25,500
More around the eyes.
Oh, I do see that.

99
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,300
And here's your water,
in case you're dehydrated,

100
00:03:41,335 --> 00:03:43,000
Ted Mosby.

101
00:03:43,035 --> 00:03:45,100
Very funny, Wendy.

102
00:03:45,135 --> 00:03:46,900
Now we know
you watch porn.

103
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:50,100
This Ted Mosby must
be getting kind of famous.

104
00:03:50,135 --> 00:03:51,100
Mm.
You're not wrong.

105
00:03:51,135 --> 00:03:52,400
According to
the Web site,

106
00:03:52,435 --> 00:03:54,500
of the far superior
Ted Mosby...

107
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,400
.. been in the business
three months,

108
00:03:56,435 --> 00:03:59,500
and he's made
125 movies.

109
00:03:59,535 --> 00:04:00,500
Wow.

110
00:04:00,535 --> 00:04:02,600
That's 42 movies
a month.

111
00:04:02,635 --> 00:04:04,600
Who is he, Jude Law?

112
00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:06,500
Right?

113
00:04:06,535 --> 00:04:09,000
He makes a lot
of movies.

114
00:04:09,035 --> 00:04:09,900
I mean,

115
00:04:09,935 --> 00:04:11,000
not so much lately,

116
00:04:11,035 --> 00:04:13,200
but maybe, like,
two years ago,

117
00:04:13,235 --> 00:04:15,900
you couldn't go to a movie without...
Shh...

118
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,300
Oh, hey, look,
check it out.

119
00:04:18,335 --> 00:04:21,400
<i>Ted Mosby did an interview
in Adult Video Weekly.</i>

120
00:04:21,435 --> 00:04:23,600
<i>Adult Video Weekly?</i>

121
00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:25,100
Oh, no.

122
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:28,500
Hello?

123
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:30,200
Hi, I'm looking for Ted Mosby.

124
00:04:30,235 --> 00:04:32,000
It's Leonard Ross from AVW.

125
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:33,500
Oh, my God!

126
00:04:33,535 --> 00:04:34,200
AVW?

127
00:04:34,235 --> 00:04:36,700
It's Architecture Vision Weekly!

128
00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:38,100
Um...

129
00:04:38,135 --> 00:04:39,300
Wow, I've been reading
your magazine

130
00:04:39,335 --> 00:04:40,700
since I was a little kid.

131
00:04:40,735 --> 00:04:42,100
Well, that's a bummer.

132
00:04:42,135 --> 00:04:44,900
Anyway, I'm calling to interview
you about your latest project.

133
00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:46,900
Well, I don't want to say
it's my project.

134
00:04:46,935 --> 00:04:48,900
I mean, I'll be working
with at least three partners.

135
00:04:48,935 --> 00:04:51,000
Oh! Group scene.
Always fun.

136
00:04:51,035 --> 00:04:53,500
Yeah, yeah, I'm really looking
forward to it.

137
00:04:53,535 --> 00:04:56,200
I mean, I know they're gonna
ride me pretty hard

138
00:04:56,235 --> 00:04:57,500
but they're great guys.

139
00:04:57,535 --> 00:04:58,700
Guys?

140
00:04:58,735 --> 00:05:00,900
Whoa, there's a scoop.

141
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:04,400
That interview went on
for 20 more minutes.

142
00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:06,700
"This project was so demanding,

143
00:05:06,735 --> 00:05:08,600
"I can't tell you how many nights

144
00:05:08,635 --> 00:05:10,000
I spent bent over a table. "

145
00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:14,400
Oh, hey, baby,
how'd the interview go?

146
00:05:14,435 --> 00:05:16,100
Um, interesting.

147
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:19,400
There I am in the office
of Jefferson Coatsworth,

148
00:05:19,435 --> 00:05:21,200
and I figure I'm not gonna
take this job anyway,

149
00:05:21,235 --> 00:05:23,400
I might as well give this old
bastard a piece of my mind.

150
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:25,600
Jefferson Coatsworth

151
00:05:25,635 --> 00:05:27,100
wasn't what I expected.

152
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:28,200
Marshall,

153
00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:31,200
Jeff Coatsworth.

154
00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:32,800
Hello.

155
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,600
Dude, I am so, so psyched
that you're here.

156
00:05:36,635 --> 00:05:37,600
Can I beer ya?

157
00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:39,100
<i>Marshall was thrown.</i>

158
00:05:39,135 --> 00:05:40,700
<i>This guy seemed nice.</i>

159
00:05:40,735 --> 00:05:41,900
<i>Of course, he wasn't.</i>

160
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,400
Go-go to hell!

161
00:05:45,435 --> 00:05:46,200
I'd do it again!

162
00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:47,900
I'm innocent.

163
00:05:47,935 --> 00:05:48,900
I'm innocent.

164
00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:50,700
Marshall,

165
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,400
why do you want to work

166
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:55,000
at Nicholson, Hewitt & West?

167
00:05:55,035 --> 00:05:56,300
Right, um,
okay, Jeff,

168
00:05:56,335 --> 00:05:58,100
I've actually given
this a lot of thought...

169
00:05:58,135 --> 00:05:58,900
I'm sorry. Stop.

170
00:05:58,935 --> 00:06:00,900
I can't do this
with a straight face.

171
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,300
You don't want
to work here.

172
00:06:03,335 --> 00:06:06,000
You're only here 'cause your dad
went to high school with Joe Hewitt.

173
00:06:06,035 --> 00:06:10,000
Fact is, you just got a sweet job
at the NRDC.

174
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:11,900
And it's awesome.

175
00:06:11,935 --> 00:06:14,300
Man, I could have gone
the non-profit route.

176
00:06:14,335 --> 00:06:15,900
I didn't.

177
00:06:15,935 --> 00:06:18,400
And it eats me up inside
every day.

178
00:06:18,435 --> 00:06:20,200
I hate myself.

179
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,400
I hate myself.

180
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,600
Oh, he's good.

181
00:06:26,635 --> 00:06:28,600
Classic seduction technique.

182
00:06:28,635 --> 00:06:29,700
What do you mean?

183
00:06:29,735 --> 00:06:31,300
Oh, I use it all the time.

184
00:06:31,335 --> 00:06:34,400
First I buy her--
and by her I mean you-- a drink.

185
00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:36,600
Now, I'm the guy who
gets her what she wants.

186
00:06:36,635 --> 00:06:38,100
Then I pretend to care

187
00:06:38,135 --> 00:06:40,000
about whatever idiotic thing
she cares about.

188
00:06:40,035 --> 00:06:42,000
For you, that would be
the environment.

189
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:44,900
Now, I'm the great
guy who shares her interests.

190
00:06:44,935 --> 00:06:47,900
And before you know it,
you're naked in my apartment shouting,

191
00:06:47,935 --> 00:06:50,200
"Oh, oh,
Bar-r-r-ne-e-ey!"

192
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,400
And by you,
I mean her.

193
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:55,100
He is not trying
to seduce me.

194
00:06:55,135 --> 00:06:57,000
He didn't even
offer me the job.

195
00:06:57,035 --> 00:06:57,800
That comes later.

196
00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,200
At dinner.

197
00:06:59,235 --> 00:07:01,200
He did invite you to dinner,
didn't he?

198
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,800
Let me buy you dinner

199
00:07:03,835 --> 00:07:05,100
tomorrow night

200
00:07:05,135 --> 00:07:06,100
as a thank you, okay?

201
00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:08,800
You'll tell me all
about the NRDC,

202
00:07:08,835 --> 00:07:11,000
and we'll charge it all to
one of my evil clients.

203
00:07:11,035 --> 00:07:13,300
- I, you know, I don't know,
- Marshall,

204
00:07:13,335 --> 00:07:14,000
I don't know if...

205
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,500
you know what
Kobe beef is?

206
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:20,300
The most expensive beef
in the world.

207
00:07:20,335 --> 00:07:24,200
The place I'm taking
you has Kobe lobster.

208
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:28,200
That is lobster fed
with Kobe beef.

209
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,800
Oh, my God, he's
trying to seduce me.

210
00:07:32,835 --> 00:07:34,700
So are you gonna go
to dinner with him?

211
00:07:34,735 --> 00:07:36,500
No. No way.

212
00:07:36,535 --> 00:07:38,600
I promised myself
to the NRDC.

213
00:07:38,635 --> 00:07:40,200
I'm not that kind
of lawyer.

214
00:07:40,235 --> 00:07:41,300
Oh, you should go.

215
00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:42,900
I mean, you're not
gonna take the job,

216
00:07:42,935 --> 00:07:45,200
but you might as well
get a great meal out of the deal.

217
00:07:45,235 --> 00:07:46,300
Don't wait up.

218
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,100
Guys, guys, guys,
check this out.

219
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:52,900
Ted Mosby porn star's
says bio his hometown is your hometown.

220
00:07:52,935 --> 00:07:54,100
Shaker Heights, Ohio.

221
00:07:54,135 --> 00:07:55,200
What?

222
00:07:55,235 --> 00:07:56,700
Okay, this is
getting creepy.

223
00:07:56,735 --> 00:07:57,800
Who, who is this guy?

224
00:07:57,835 --> 00:07:58,900
I gotta find him.

225
00:07:58,935 --> 00:08:00,100
Well, it's your
lucky day.

226
00:08:00,135 --> 00:08:02,600
He's gonna be signing autographs
tomorrow night in Manhattan

227
00:08:02,635 --> 00:08:04,400
at something called
the Adult Video Expo.

228
00:08:04,435 --> 00:08:05,800
- Mm.
- Wait.

229
00:08:05,835 --> 00:08:06,800
Are you telling me that

230
00:08:06,835 --> 00:08:08,900
they actually have
conventions for porn?

231
00:08:08,935 --> 00:08:09,500
Affirmative.

232
00:08:09,535 --> 00:08:11,400
Or to put it another way...

233
00:08:11,435 --> 00:08:13,200
God bless America.

234
00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:19,400
You can really taste the beef
in that lobster.

235
00:08:19,435 --> 00:08:20,800
Right.

236
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:22,200
Listen,

237
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,800
I know we're only here
to screw over my client,

238
00:08:24,835 --> 00:08:26,300
who quite frankly deserves it...

239
00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:29,500
but I gotta be able
to tell the guys upstairs

240
00:08:29,535 --> 00:08:30,800
I gave you the spiel, okay?

241
00:08:30,835 --> 00:08:32,200
So, first up,

242
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:33,900
starting salary.

243
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:35,200
Okay.

244
00:08:35,235 --> 00:08:36,500
Here we go.

245
00:08:36,535 --> 00:08:40,100
This is the big number that's
supposed to impress me and--

246
00:08:40,135 --> 00:08:40,800
Wow.

247
00:08:40,835 --> 00:08:43,600
<i>That is a big number.</i>

248
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,300
There's also a signing bonus,

249
00:08:46,335 --> 00:08:48,100
uh, use of a company car,

250
00:08:48,135 --> 00:08:49,900
expense account,
blah blah blah.

251
00:08:49,935 --> 00:08:53,000
Hey, by the way, turn around
and wave to Patrick Swayze.

252
00:08:53,035 --> 00:08:53,600
Hey.

253
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,900
I'm going to, uh,
try to remain cool.

254
00:08:58,935 --> 00:09:01,200
But you know Patrick Swayze?!

255
00:09:01,235 --> 00:09:02,400
He's a client.

256
00:09:02,435 --> 00:09:03,700
Who do you think bought us
this wine.

257
00:09:03,735 --> 00:09:04,800
Crazy Swayze.

258
00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:07,100
Cheers, buddy.

259
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,200
Okay. No.

260
00:09:09,235 --> 00:09:11,300
Jeff, this is all
very impressive,

261
00:09:11,335 --> 00:09:13,700
- but I just don't think that...
- Listen, I know, I know.

262
00:09:13,735 --> 00:09:17,200
gonna be tempted by big numbers
and fancy perks.

263
00:09:17,235 --> 00:09:19,100
Yore gonna do the noble thing,

264
00:09:19,135 --> 00:09:21,700
take the low-paying job
at the NRDC,

265
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,200
live off your family money.

266
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:24,500
Family money?

267
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:26,800
You do have family money,
don't you?

268
00:09:26,835 --> 00:09:28,800
No, um, not that I know of.

269
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:32,800
I do have an uncle who owns a,
a pretty successful bait shop.

270
00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:35,500
NRDC.

271
00:09:35,535 --> 00:09:37,700
No family money.

272
00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:41,900
Oh.
You don't have plan on aving kids.

273
00:09:41,935 --> 00:09:44,300
Actually, I,
I want to have four kids.

274
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:45,900
Well...

275
00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:49,900
New York public schools make
a lot of parents nervous,

276
00:09:49,935 --> 00:09:53,400
but the kids who walk out,
walk out proud.

277
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,700
<i>It was turning into a tough decision.</i>

278
00:09:56,735 --> 00:09:58,800
<i>Now, kids, when I'm faced
with a tough decision</i>

279
00:09:58,835 --> 00:10:02,500
<i>I like to get out the old yellow
pad make a list of pros and cons.</i>

280
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:05,300
<i>Marshall knew all the cons,
but there was one thing he didn't know.</i>

281
00:10:05,335 --> 00:10:07,800
<i>a big guy live in a pros con</i>

282
00:10:07,835 --> 00:10:09,400
Lily,
you're a kindergarten teacher.

283
00:10:09,435 --> 00:10:10,000
Yeah.

284
00:10:10,035 --> 00:10:13,200
<i>'Cause Robin was about to ask Lily
the one question...</i>

285
00:10:13,235 --> 00:10:16,200
An-And you make a kindergarten
teacher's salary, right?

286
00:10:16,235 --> 00:10:17,000
Yeah.

287
00:10:17,035 --> 00:10:19,100
<i>... that Lily had been dreading
for years.</i>

288
00:10:19,135 --> 00:10:21,600
Well, how do you afford all
of these expensive clothes?

289
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,300
I shop the sales.

290
00:10:24,335 --> 00:10:26,700
They were in the closet
when we moved in.

291
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:28,500
I steal.

292
00:10:28,535 --> 00:10:29,900
I'm a criminal.

293
00:10:29,935 --> 00:10:32,800
I once shot a man
just to watch him die.

294
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:34,600
Lily?

295
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:36,800
Okay.

296
00:10:36,835 --> 00:10:39,000
<i>That's when Lily showed Robin
her box of shame.</i>

297
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:43,200
Lily, this is nuts.

298
00:10:43,235 --> 00:10:45,000
How many credit
cards do you have?

299
00:10:45,035 --> 00:10:45,800
I don't know.

300
00:10:45,835 --> 00:10:47,200
Well, how much do you owe?

301
00:10:47,235 --> 00:10:49,600
I don't know!

302
00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:52,700
Wow.

303
00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:55,800
I can't believe this many
people love porn this much,

304
00:10:55,835 --> 00:10:59,100
including that guy who works
in human resources at my firm.

305
00:10:59,135 --> 00:10:59,400
Hi.

306
00:10:59,435 --> 00:11:02,100
Let's just wave at
each other awkwardly.

307
00:11:02,135 --> 00:11:03,600
That'll make
it better.

308
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:07,600
Dude, come on, let's just find
bizarro me and get out of here.

309
00:11:07,635 --> 00:11:09,500
Oh, oh, I get it.

310
00:11:09,535 --> 00:11:13,500
Ted Mosby, non-porn star, thinks
this is all crude and disgusting.

311
00:11:13,535 --> 00:11:15,900
You know who else was considered
crude and disgusting?

312
00:11:15,935 --> 00:11:17,200
Shakespeare.

313
00:11:17,235 --> 00:11:18,600
Hmm.
But his themes--

314
00:11:18,635 --> 00:11:22,100
love, lust, forbidden
desire-- were universal

315
00:11:22,135 --> 00:11:25,000
which is why his work has
stood the test of time.

316
00:11:25,035 --> 00:11:26,300
And so will
all this.

317
00:11:26,335 --> 00:11:30,900
400 years from now, some
high school drama class

318
00:11:30,935 --> 00:11:33,300
will be doing a plucky,
spirited production

319
00:11:33,335 --> 00:11:35,800
<i>of Beef Party VII.</i>

320
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:39,500
Oh, my God, Lily,
that is a lot of debt.

321
00:11:39,535 --> 00:11:41,700
How did you get yourself
into this situation?

322
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:43,500
I don't know what it is.

323
00:11:43,535 --> 00:11:46,600
When I feel down
about something, I shop.

324
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,100
Ma'am, is everything okay?

325
00:11:49,135 --> 00:11:51,800
Oh, I just had a huge fight
with my mother.

326
00:11:51,835 --> 00:11:54,000
She doesn't understand me
at all.

327
00:11:55,700 --> 00:11:59,400
I swore that teaching would be
a way to support my painting career,

328
00:11:59,435 --> 00:12:01,600
but I never paint anymore.

329
00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:05,700
I just got
a huge credit card bill.

330
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:08,400
Does Marshall know?

331
00:12:08,435 --> 00:12:09,100
No.

332
00:12:09,135 --> 00:12:12,400
But you guys are the couple
who tell each other everything.

333
00:12:12,435 --> 00:12:15,500
And for God's sakes, Lily,
you text him while he's on the can.

334
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:18,000
Well, I just want him
to know I'm rooting for him.

335
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,200
Wait, okay, this
all makes sense.

336
00:12:21,235 --> 00:12:22,800
So when you said...

337
00:12:22,835 --> 00:12:25,600
But you're still going to go to
your job interview today, right, baby?

338
00:12:25,635 --> 00:12:26,300
<i>And then...</i>

339
00:12:26,335 --> 00:12:27,700
Oh, you should go.

340
00:12:27,735 --> 00:12:29,100
I mean, you not going
to take the job,

341
00:12:29,135 --> 00:12:31,500
but you might as well get
a great meal out of the deal.

342
00:12:31,535 --> 00:12:34,700
<i>You were pushing him into taking
that high-paying corporate job.</i>

343
00:12:34,735 --> 00:12:35,500
I know.

344
00:12:35,535 --> 00:12:38,400
It's terrible that I was
trying to get him to do that.

345
00:12:38,435 --> 00:12:40,200
Terrible? He has to take it.

346
00:12:40,235 --> 00:12:42,800
I mean, how else are you going
to pay off all that debt?

347
00:12:42,835 --> 00:12:46,400
Lily, you have to tell him about this
before he turns down that job.

348
00:12:46,435 --> 00:12:49,600
You're right.
I feel awful.

349
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:52,400
You know there is sale....

350
00:12:52,435 --> 00:12:54,700
We are not going shoping.

351
00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:02,300
There is.
come on. let's go.

352
00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:05,400
Why do I get so nervous
around celebrities?

353
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:07,700
Hi, Ted Mosby.

354
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,100
I'm Ted Mosby.

355
00:13:10,135 --> 00:13:12,300
Ted Mosby, it's you.

356
00:13:12,335 --> 00:13:13,200
Have we met?

357
00:13:13,235 --> 00:13:15,900
Mr. Mosby, it is an
honor to meet you, sir.

358
00:13:15,935 --> 00:13:18,000
Starney Binson.
Barney Stinson.

359
00:13:18,035 --> 00:13:18,800
Damn it.

360
00:13:18,835 --> 00:13:20,400
We have met.

361
00:13:20,435 --> 00:13:22,000
My real name is Steve Biel.

362
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:24,300
When I was in fourth grade,
you were in ninth,

363
00:13:24,335 --> 00:13:26,200
and, and one day
I was out behind the school

364
00:13:26,235 --> 00:13:27,100
and a bunch
of seventh graders

365
00:13:27,135 --> 00:13:29,000
were just beating
the crap out of me.

366
00:13:29,035 --> 00:13:30,600
Oh, yeah, I remember.
That was you?

367
00:13:30,635 --> 00:13:32,800
Yeah,
but you pulled them off me.

368
00:13:32,835 --> 00:13:35,900
You told them to go pick
on someone their own size.

369
00:13:35,935 --> 00:13:36,500
Huh.

370
00:13:36,535 --> 00:13:39,800
I vowed right then that
when I made something of myself,

371
00:13:39,835 --> 00:13:41,800
I would honor you somehow.

372
00:13:41,835 --> 00:13:45,800
<i>So you took my name and starred in
WelcomeTo The Sex Truck?</i>

373
00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:48,500
Yeah.

374
00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:53,000
Um, yeah, listen, Ted,
you got to stop use my name.

375
00:13:53,035 --> 00:13:55,600
I-I'm trying to make a career
as an architect.

376
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:57,000
Architect, huh?

377
00:13:57,035 --> 00:14:00,200
You mean like a sex architect?

378
00:14:00,235 --> 00:14:01,100
What?

379
00:14:01,135 --> 00:14:02,600
Yeah, you know,
you're on to something.

380
00:14:02,635 --> 00:14:04,600
That would make a
great title of a film.

381
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:07,600
<i>Ted Mosby,
Sex Architect.</i>

382
00:14:07,635 --> 00:14:10,500
You know, I'm actually looking
for a new project

383
00:14:10,535 --> 00:14:12,500
to shoot next Friday afternoon.

384
00:14:12,535 --> 00:14:15,400
Yeah, listen, isn't,
isn't there some other way

385
00:14:15,435 --> 00:14:16,600
you could honor me?

386
00:14:16,635 --> 00:14:18,400
With all due respect.

387
00:14:18,435 --> 00:14:20,400
Wait, you're not mad, are you?

388
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,200
Oh, man, I knew it.

389
00:14:22,235 --> 00:14:25,600
My father said,
"Just plant a tree in Israel. "

390
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:27,500
I'm such an idiot.

391
00:14:27,535 --> 00:14:29,700
I guess
I thought you'd be psyched.

392
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:32,600
I am.

393
00:14:32,635 --> 00:14:34,100
I am;
it's just

394
00:14:34,135 --> 00:14:36,300
I feel a little guilty
because I'm not

395
00:14:36,335 --> 00:14:37,900
the one who saved
you that day.

396
00:14:37,935 --> 00:14:41,200
The guy
who actually saved you was...

397
00:14:41,235 --> 00:14:45,200
named... Lance Hardwood.

398
00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:49,500
Lance Hardwood, yeah.

399
00:14:49,535 --> 00:14:51,400
Really?
Mm.

400
00:14:51,435 --> 00:14:53,600
You know,
you might not know this,

401
00:14:53,635 --> 00:14:56,200
but in my business,
that's kind of a killer name.

402
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,700
Yeah, I guess,
I guess it is.

403
00:14:59,735 --> 00:15:01,000
I can see the poster now.

404
00:15:01,035 --> 00:15:04,000
<i>Lance Hardwood, Sex Architect.</i>

405
00:15:04,035 --> 00:15:05,800
Starring...
Ted Mosby.

406
00:15:05,835 --> 00:15:07,200
I love it.

407
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,800
<i>Marshall and Jeff stayed
pretty late at the restaurant.</i>

408
00:15:11,835 --> 00:15:14,500
<i>They stayed so late that
Marshall crashed on Jeff's couch,</i>

409
00:15:14,535 --> 00:15:15,700
<i>and the next day,</i>

410
00:15:15,735 --> 00:15:18,200
<i>Marshall took part
in a Sunday morning tradition</i>

411
00:15:18,235 --> 00:15:21,600
<i>as old as the city itself:
the Walk of Shame,</i>

412
00:15:21,635 --> 00:15:25,200
<i>the long journey home after doing
something you regret the night before.</i>

413
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:26,900
I'll take the job.

414
00:15:26,935 --> 00:15:28,500
That's awesome!

415
00:15:28,535 --> 00:15:29,500
Yeah!
Yeah!

416
00:15:29,535 --> 00:15:31,700
Great time
last night.

417
00:15:31,735 --> 00:15:33,400
I'll call you later.

418
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,600
He's not going
to call you.

419
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,800
- Hey.
- Hey.

420
00:15:40,835 --> 00:15:42,700
Um, did you get my message?
I just,

421
00:15:42,735 --> 00:15:43,900
- I crashed uptown.
- Yeah, yeah.

422
00:15:43,935 --> 00:15:47,500
Listen, I have, uh,
something to tell you.

423
00:15:47,535 --> 00:15:50,100
Uh, I have something
I need to tell you also.

424
00:15:50,135 --> 00:15:51,700
Mine's pretty huge.

425
00:15:51,735 --> 00:15:53,600
You go first.

426
00:15:53,635 --> 00:15:56,900
- Well...
- I took the job.

427
00:15:56,935 --> 00:15:58,300
I'm sorry.

428
00:15:58,335 --> 00:15:59,500
I'm so sorry.

429
00:15:59,535 --> 00:16:00,500
I was drunk,

430
00:16:00,535 --> 00:16:04,500
and it was a haze of cigars
and scotch and Swayze,

431
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:06,100
and they offered
me, like,

432
00:16:06,135 --> 00:16:09,300
like, like, like,
a lot of money.

433
00:16:09,335 --> 00:16:11,300
Oh, Marshall.

434
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:13,900
How much money?

435
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:18,700
Here.

436
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:24,600
Whee!
Yeah!

437
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:28,600
It's completely despicable.

438
00:16:28,635 --> 00:16:30,500
I know, I know, I sold out

439
00:16:30,535 --> 00:16:34,500
for a huge pile
of disgusting money,

440
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:38,500
disgusting money that could
help our future family

441
00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:41,100
have some financial security

442
00:16:41,135 --> 00:16:42,600
and could help pay
for law school.

443
00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:43,700
Law school.

444
00:16:43,735 --> 00:16:47,000
Law school that I went to
to help protect the environment,

445
00:16:47,035 --> 00:16:48,300
not help destroy it.

446
00:16:48,335 --> 00:16:49,100
And for what?

447
00:16:49,135 --> 00:16:51,900
For, for... a lot of money.

448
00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:58,400
Okay, okay,
you've got to stop screaming.

449
00:16:58,435 --> 00:16:59,600
Listen,
Marshall,

450
00:16:59,635 --> 00:17:01,500
you know what I like to do
in situations like this?

451
00:17:01,535 --> 00:17:04,500
Ted, if you say
make a list of pros and cons,

452
00:17:04,535 --> 00:17:05,500
I'm going to smack you.

453
00:17:05,535 --> 00:17:06,700
I wasn't going to say that.

454
00:17:06,735 --> 00:17:08,700
Okay, two beers,

455
00:17:08,735 --> 00:17:11,800
and Ted, here's that yellow
legal pad you asked for.

456
00:17:11,835 --> 00:17:12,900
Yellow legal pad?

457
00:17:12,935 --> 00:17:14,200
I ordered fries.

458
00:17:14,235 --> 00:17:16,300
Maybe you should use this
to write down people's orders.

459
00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:21,700
Guys, I,
I don't know what to do.

460
00:17:21,735 --> 00:17:22,900
Take the money.

461
00:17:22,935 --> 00:17:25,900
Money is good,
money is happiness.

462
00:17:25,935 --> 00:17:27,500
If I work there,

463
00:17:27,535 --> 00:17:30,200
I'll be representing the most
evil corporations in the world.

464
00:17:30,235 --> 00:17:32,500
Kind of sounds
like a pro and con list to me.

465
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:34,700
Lily, you have
to tell him.

466
00:17:34,735 --> 00:17:36,500
You can help him
make this decision.

467
00:17:36,535 --> 00:17:39,200
Oh, I think he's doing fine
on his own.

468
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,800
All right.

469
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:50,700
Marshall,

470
00:17:50,735 --> 00:17:52,057
I have something to say,

471
00:17:52,058 --> 00:17:54,700
and it's going to help
you make your decision.

472
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:58,500
Oh, of course, you know
my heart better than I do.

473
00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:00,900
You know what's best
for me and for us.

474
00:18:00,935 --> 00:18:03,200
Please, please
tell me what to do.

475
00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:11,400
I think you should take
the job at the NRDC.

476
00:18:11,435 --> 00:18:14,100
Of course I should,
of course I should.

477
00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:15,500
Guys,

478
00:18:15,535 --> 00:18:18,400
I'm going to save
the planet Earth.

479
00:18:18,435 --> 00:18:19,800
I got to go call Jeff.

480
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:25,800
What is the
matter with you?

481
00:18:25,835 --> 00:18:27,900
I can't ask him
to make himself miserable

482
00:18:27,935 --> 00:18:29,400
because of a mistake I made.

483
00:18:29,435 --> 00:18:31,800
It's my problem;
I'll figure it out.

484
00:18:31,835 --> 00:18:33,900
That's really sweet.

485
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:35,800
Are those new earrings?

486
00:18:35,835 --> 00:18:37,200
What are you, my mom?

487
00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:41,500
Jeff, hey, um, it's Marshall.

488
00:18:41,535 --> 00:18:42,300
Hey, Marshall.

489
00:18:42,335 --> 00:18:44,900
I have something
that I need to tell you.

490
00:18:44,935 --> 00:18:47,500
I feel really weird
about doing this over the phone.

491
00:18:47,535 --> 00:18:48,700
Then don't.

492
00:18:50,900 --> 00:18:52,100
Before you say
anything,

493
00:18:52,135 --> 00:18:55,000
come take a ride
in this awesome limo with me.

494
00:18:55,035 --> 00:18:56,500
Where are we going?

495
00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:58,900
Tuckahoe Funland.

496
00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:00,400
I'm sorry.

497
00:19:00,435 --> 00:19:03,100
It sounded like you said
Tuckahoe Funland,

498
00:19:03,135 --> 00:19:05,100
the magic factory
where dreams are made.

499
00:19:05,135 --> 00:19:06,300
Get in.

500
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,900
Man, I-I love this place.

501
00:19:14,935 --> 00:19:15,700
Me, too, buddy.

502
00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:18,000
So what did you
want to tell me?

503
00:19:20,300 --> 00:19:21,600
I can't work for you.

504
00:19:21,635 --> 00:19:23,100
I know, dude.

505
00:19:23,135 --> 00:19:25,300
It's fine.

506
00:19:25,335 --> 00:19:27,900
Marshall Eriksen wants to
preserve the environment,

507
00:19:27,935 --> 00:19:30,100
so that our children
can enjoy it as we have.

508
00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:31,200
I get it.

509
00:19:31,235 --> 00:19:33,700
Good. Thank you.

510
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:38,600
I look down and see children
enjoying this place.

511
00:19:38,635 --> 00:19:42,300
Yeah, because somebody fought
to preserve it.

512
00:19:42,335 --> 00:19:45,100
If they ever shut this place
down, it would be a tragedy.

513
00:19:45,135 --> 00:19:48,700
Well, the good news is,
that'll never happen.

514
00:19:48,735 --> 00:19:50,800
You won't let it.

515
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,100
Because when
you work for us,

516
00:19:53,135 --> 00:19:56,400
your only client will be
this place--

517
00:19:56,435 --> 00:19:59,200
Tuckahoe Funland.

518
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,200
I'm taking the job.

519
00:20:04,235 --> 00:20:05,500
Hey!
All right.

520
00:20:05,535 --> 00:20:07,400
And the best part is
I'm not even going to be representing

521
00:20:07,435 --> 00:20:08,800
some sort of evil corporation.

522
00:20:08,835 --> 00:20:12,100
I will be representing
Tuckahoe Funland,

523
00:20:12,135 --> 00:20:13,800
the least evil place
in the world.

524
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:15,500
<i>Or so Marshall thought.</i>

525
00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:23,000
Great news,
great news.

526
00:20:23,035 --> 00:20:23,900
Uh-oh.

527
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,800
Oh, I'd better check
on him.

528
00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:39,200
Got it.

529
00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:44,000
Terrific.

530
00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:46,400
You'll notice I'm
in the credits.

531
00:20:46,435 --> 00:20:47,900
I did some location scouting.

532
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,900
Here are the plans for the new
International Sex Building.

533
00:20:58,935 --> 00:21:02,900
Wow, that really looks
like our apartment.

534
00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:04,500
It is.

535
00:21:04,535 --> 00:21:05,800
Oh, I should return these.

536
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:10,400
Oh, Sex Architect,
you've done it again.

537
00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:14,200
Let's go celebrate
on the couch.