1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,750 kids,everybody make mistakes 2 00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:04,850 Take this girl Meg for instance. 3 00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:07,350 She made a mistake, a mistake named Barney. 4 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:10,850 Yeah I thought I was gonna get married to my last boyfriend 5 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:14,250 but, boy, did that guy have commitment issues. 6 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:15,850 That whole relaonship-- 7 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,850 that's three weeks of my life I'll never get back. 8 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,750 Well, I love commitment. 9 00:00:22,300 --> 00:00:23,650 I wish I could marry commitment. 10 00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:25,590 I met a girl last night. 11 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:26,650 Really? 12 00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:29,650 So perky and full of life and not at all fake. 13 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,150 You're talking about her boobs, right? 14 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:32,150 C? 15 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,090 And that wasn't Spanish, that was cup size. 16 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:34,750 What up? 17 00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:38,750 So, these boobs... Hmm. 18 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,190 paint me a word picture. 19 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:41,150 All right, Ted. 20 00:00:41,700 --> 00:00:44,450 Imagine the heads of two Irish babies. Mmm. 21 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:45,550 Let's call them... 22 00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:46,650 and... 23 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:48,650 Please stop! 24 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:51,150 When you get married, 25 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:52,850 you start out growing certain parts of your life. 26 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:55,650 And for Lily and Marshall, those certain parts were, 27 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,650 for the most part, me 28 00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:02,050 Why would you come in? 29 00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:02,950 You hear me shaving! 30 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:04,850 I thought you were shaving your face! 31 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:06,750 Well, clearly I wasn't! 32 00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,150 Oh! No, no! 33 00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:11,750 Pay up! Ugh! pussy! 34 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:14,550 Guys,it's 3:00 in the morning 35 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:16,150 and it reeks in here. 36 00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:17,250 Ted said it was okay. 37 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:18,650 Ah, hey, Marshall. 38 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:19,650 You're still up? 39 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:21,250 Aren't you taking the bar tomorrow? 40 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,350 Discontent was bubbling under this surface, 41 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:26,650 until one day... 42 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:27,150 Ted! 43 00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:30,250 How many times have I asked you to put the lid 44 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:31,950 back on the peanut butter jar? 45 00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:34,350 It's this sort of incoiderate, 46 00:01:34,700 --> 00:01:36,550 immature jackassery 47 00:01:36,650 --> 00:01:38,150 that makes me feel like I'm living in the Realworld house, 48 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,250 and not the early years when they all had jobs 49 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:42,550 and social consciences. 50 00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:45,350 I'talking about Hawaii and after! 51 00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:47,150 I can't take this anymore! 52 00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:49,550 ted, Lily and I are married now! 53 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:52,650 It's time! we're getting our own place! 54 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,750 Actually, I left the lid open. Sorry, baby. 55 00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,250 But still,it was time to move forward. 56 00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:01,350 So, they set out to find a new apartment to rent. 57 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:02,950 Hey, here's one. 58 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,550 Prwar building, recently renovated, 59 00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:07,950 hardwood floors, tons of light, 60 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,250 two bedroom, two bath. 61 00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:11,150 Oh, yeah, but that one's not for rent. 62 00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:12,150 It's for sale. 63 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:13,150 Oh, right. 64 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,090 Kids, Uncle Marshall always like to say 65 00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:19,150 that he had made three big mistakes in his life. 66 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:20,550 This was the first. 67 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,150 Jump, you big chicken! 68 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:23,650 Jump! You afraidy cat! 69 00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:25,150 Jump! Jump! 70 00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:26,450 This was the second. 71 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:28,650 No! 72 00:02:30,010 --> 00:02:31,450 And this was the third and biggest. 73 00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:32,750 We should buy a place! 74 00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:34,250 -What? -Baby, 75 00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:36,350 real estate is always a good invesent. 76 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:37,150 It's not. 77 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:39,550 And the market is really hot rightnow. 78 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:40,450 It wasn't. 79 00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:42,050 And because of my new job, 80 00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:44,350 we are in such atrong place financially. 81 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:45,150 They weren't. 82 00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:46,850 Because lily has a secret. 83 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,150 My name is Lily and I'm a shopaholic. 84 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:52,150 Hi, Lily. 85 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,550 Oh, you guys don't do that here? 86 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:55,950 Sorry. 87 00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:57,150 Proceed. 88 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:02,350 I buy designer clothes and accessories that I can't afford. 89 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:06,150 I have 15 creditcards and they're all maxed out. 90 00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:08,650 And no one outside of this room, 91 00:03:08,650 --> 00:03:10,350 not even my husband, knows. 92 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,350 And I, I feel terrible 93 00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,450 becaus all I want to do right now 94 00:03:14,450 --> 00:03:16,050 is ask you where you got those shoes. 95 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,050 They're adorable. 96 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,050 we can't buy; we have debt. 97 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:21,550 Yeah, I know, 98 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:22,750 my student loans are pretty big. 99 00:03:23,100 --> 00:03:23,850 I forgive you. 100 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:24,950 What? 101 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:26,190 Well... 102 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,650 I'm just saying as your wife, 103 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:31,650 you know I'm cool that you spent tens of thousands of dollar 104 00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:33,050 on a brand name law school. 105 00:03:33,700 --> 00:03:36,750 cause I know it make you feel good and pretty. 106 00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:40,050 Let's just go take a look at this place. 107 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:41,250 Where is it? 108 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,950 Uh, it's in a neighborhood called.. 109 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,250 Dowisetrepla? Dowisetrepla? 110 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,350 Dowisetrepla Dowisetrepla. 111 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:54,090 Oh, I see, you're not New Yorkers. 112 00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:55,590 Oh, actually we live on the Upper West side, so... 113 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:56,990 No need to be emrrassed, listen, 114 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,650 here in New York we just shorten the names of all t ighborhos, 115 00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:02,690 So, TriBeC Nolita-- 116 00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:03,550 oh, right. 117 00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,050 Dowisetrepla 118 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,850 I'm, I'm from New York. 119 00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:08,050 I know this nighborhood. 120 00:04:08,250 --> 00:04:09,950 i am down in the D-town 121 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,050 Oh, well nobody calls it D-town. 122 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:13,550 Dowisetrepla 123 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:15,250 the up-and-coming neighborhood. 124 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,090 And I have to tell you, for the prices 125 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,390 you're not going to be able to find an other... 126 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,750 I'm, I'm gonna stop you right there. 127 00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:22,490 Don't bother with the hard sell. 128 00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:24,490 This place is, is way out of our price range, 129 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,550 and besides, we've only just started to looking. 130 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,150 Is what Marshall should he said. 131 00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:31,050 I'm gonna stop you right there. 132 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:32,250 I love it! 133 00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:33,000 Let's get it! 134 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,250 thank you gays, for coming down here so quickly. 135 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:50,950 I've never been to this neighborhood. 136 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,250 kind of thought this part of town was water. 137 00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:55,150 No, dude. 138 00:04:55,700 --> 00:04:56,950 This is Dowisetrepla. 139 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,650 Dowisetrepla? Yeah. 140 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,250 Is that abbreviation for something? 141 00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:03,150 He'from Ohio. 142 00:05:04,700 --> 00:05:07,450 Dowiatrepla is th up-a-coming neighborhood. Oh. 143 00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:10,550 I think this right the place where Lily and I start a family 144 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:12,650 I can see it now 145 00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:16,350 Two three,four. 146 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,350 All right, bring it home, boys. 147 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,250 Sounds great, boys. 148 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:26,950 Who wants chocolate pancakes? 149 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,150 Thanks, Mommy! 150 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:32,350 Man, 151 00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:34,150 life is gonna be sweet! 152 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,550 oh, my God, Lily, have you seen this kitchen? 153 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,550 I know. It's... Isn't it amazing? 154 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:42,950 -I just love it so... -What the hell are you doin 155 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:44,550 You can't buy this place. 156 00:05:44,550 --> 00:05:46,850 Lily you have a debt the size of Mount Waddington! 157 00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:47,850 Waddington? 158 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:49,590 It's the tallest mountain in Canada. 159 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,250 It's like 4,000 meters high. 160 00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:52,050 Meters? 161 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,250 Don't let Marshall fa in love with this apartmt. 162 00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:56,950 I know, I know, I know, I know 163 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:58,450 but what do i tell him? 164 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:00,050 I-I don't know, tell him, 165 00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:01,950 tell him you saw a ghost. Tell him it's haunted. 166 00:06:02,700 --> 00:06:04,150 You really don'know Marshall at all. 167 00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,750 So, uh, the owners,where are they? Oh. 168 00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:13,150 -They're on vacation in France for two weeks. -I see. 169 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:14,450 Between you and me, 170 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,850 I'm also interested in the artment. 171 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:20,250 So is there any way I could come back later and check it out 172 00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:21,950 while you're showing them other places? 173 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:24,250 The lockbox combination is 1421. 174 00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:26,550 And heres my card. 175 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:30,950 Are you serious? 176 00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:33,150 You're trying to sneak this apartment away from Marshall and Lily 177 00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:36,050 Ted, do you think I have no morals whatsoever? 178 00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:39,750 I simply want to fool a girl into thinking this is my apartment 179 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,950 so I can nail her once and never have to see her again. 180 00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:43,050 I'm not a monster. 181 00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:44,690 Now, listen I don't want to put a lot of pressure on you, 182 00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:49,350 but there is one other couple that expressed very serious interest. 183 00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:51,350 I see what you're doing here. 184 00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:53,450 "Another couple." 185 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:54,250 Please 186 00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:57,150 That crap is page one out of the Realtor's playbook. 187 00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:58,750 And we're not buying it. 188 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,150 Is what Marshall should have said. 189 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,350 Another couple? No! 190 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,350 We want it. Sell it to us. We'll give you so much more money. 191 00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:08,150 Oh Marshall, can I talk to you? 192 00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:10,550 Marshall, I just... 193 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:13,350 I don't know if now is the right time to buy. 194 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,250 But we're not doing this for now, 195 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:16,650 we're doing this for our future. 196 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,050 Can't you imagine starting a family here? 197 00:07:23,300 --> 00:07:25,650 Oh, Persephone!Oh Daphne! 198 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,350 These'll be perfect additions 199 00:07:27,350 --> 00:07:30,150 to our upcoming mother-daughter exhibit at the Met. 200 00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:33,550 Looks great, girls. 201 00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:35,650 Who wants crapes of chocolate? 202 00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:38,250 Merci, papa. 203 00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:41,050 So... what do you guys think? 204 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,150 I love it, but Marshall, 205 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,150 I should have told you this long time ago. 206 00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:51,250 We can't afford to buy an apartment. 207 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,950 because I have too much credit card debt. 208 00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:55,550 I am so sorry. 209 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,150 Is what she should have said. 210 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,650 I love it. Let's get it. 211 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:01,250 Can we charge it? 212 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:03,090 To Lily and Marshall 213 00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:05,350 and their momentous step forward into adulthood. 214 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:07,150 Cheers. 215 00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:09,150 Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Drink it! 216 00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:12,050 Yes! Well done. Nice! Yeah! 217 00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:13,250 Anything else? 218 00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:14,050 Yes. 219 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:17,050 I've been staring at that thing for years. 220 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:17,750 Wendy 221 00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:21,450 bring me the comically large bottle of champagne. 222 00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:25,390 Really? Are you sure? 223 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:26,950 It's neve been refrigerated. 224 00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:29,150 And I think at some point there was a fish in it. 225 00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:32,550 Honey, once you've made the sale,stop selling. 226 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,550 All right, but you guys have to help me carry it. 227 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:39,190 All right, let's do it. Let'do this. 228 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:40,250 I know what you're thinking. 229 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:41,850 I should tell Marshall the truth 230 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,250 I've got the whole thing figure out. 231 00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:46,950 We'll apply for the loan under Marshall's name, 232 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,150 and h'll never need to know. 233 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,450 And then in the meantime, I'll slowly work down debt. 234 00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:52,950 Right after I furnish the apartment. 235 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,750 I saw this amazing leather sofa today. 236 00:08:57,100 --> 00:08:58,350 You should be a reality show. 237 00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:01,450 Nice! Nice. 238 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:03,550 Wait! 239 00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:05,590 That cork is the size of a softball 240 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:08,250 and you're pointing it directly at Wendy the waitress's face. 241 00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:09,850 Is what he should have said. 242 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,050 Now if you are thinking about buying an apartment, 243 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:15,850 it's always good to check the place out at night. 244 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,550 Welcome to my humble abode. 245 00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,150 This place is so nice. 246 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:22,150 Ah, make yourself at home. 247 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,450 Please, get comfortable. 248 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,150 If you see something you like, just take it. 249 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:28,750 Who are these people? 250 00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:30,450 Uh... that's my parents. 251 00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:32,850 They're Asian. 252 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:34,150 Yeah. 253 00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:37,190 They're a Chinese couple that wanted a white baby 254 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:37,650 It works both ways. 255 00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,850 Cookie. Wow. 256 00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:42,350 Did you make those? 257 00:09:42,900 --> 00:09:46,350 You got me. My sisters taught me how to bake and how to listen. 258 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,050 I feel so at home here. 259 00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:51,150 I'm glad. 260 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,950 Sometimes, I don't. 261 00:09:53,950 --> 00:09:56,050 A place like this really needs a lady of the house. 262 00:09:56,700 --> 00:09:58,850 I know it's early to be thinking of you as... 263 00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:01,150 Oh, God I'm freaking you out, aren't I? 264 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,250 It's just you make me feel so safe. 265 00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:04,550 I didn't... 266 00:10:07,300 --> 00:10:08,150 The next day 267 00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:10,250 Lily and Marshall went to the mortgage broker to get a loan. 268 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,290 Hey, uh, can we get this in singles? 269 00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:14,390 Before we get the apartment I want to put in a kiddie pool 270 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,550 and swim around in it naked. 271 00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:18,890 Great, that is great 272 00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:19,250 Thank you. 273 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:20,750 Thank you. 274 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,850 Okay! all right, back to business. 275 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,850 All right, Mrs. Aldrin, I'm going to need your social as well. 276 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,350 What? Why? 277 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,150 I mean, you already have Marshall's. 278 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,250 Yes, but since you're a married couple, 279 00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:34,350 you'll be applying for a joint loan, so. 280 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:38,050 Well, can we just go ahead an do it in my husband's name? 281 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,350 He is the head of the household. 282 00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:41,750 He earns the big bucks. 283 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,550 I mean, can women even own property? 284 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,500 Go ahead, just give him your social. 285 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:50,750 Okay my... my social is, uh... 286 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:53,350 Got it. 287 00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:58,450 Let's see what kind of rate I can get you two. 288 00:10:58,470 --> 00:11:00,080 Under six percent Under six percent. 289 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,880 Under six percent,please. 290 00:11:02,330 --> 00:11:04,530 There we go Congratulation 291 00:11:04,690 --> 00:11:06,030 You ve been approved for a loan 292 00:11:06,030 --> 00:11:07,430 18% at 18%. 293 00:11:08,820 --> 00:11:10,630 No, way. That-that can't be right. 294 00:11:11,150 --> 00:11:12,410 You' lucky to be getting mortgage. 295 00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:14,280 Let's get out of here, Marshall. 296 00:11:14,510 --> 00:11:16,260 Hold it, I-I don't undersnd. 297 00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:17,400 did we do mething wrong or...? 298 00:11:18,580 --> 00:11:19,880 You have quite a bit of debt. 299 00:11:20,220 --> 00:11:22,340 My student loans.Great. 300 00:11:22,770 --> 00:11:23,720 I thought we were friends. 301 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:24,780 You know what, it's fine 302 00:11:24,780 --> 00:11:26,080 to penalize me for trying 303 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:27,460 to get an education and bud a career, 304 00:11:27,460 --> 00:11:29,710 but I will not let you deprive my beautiful wife 305 00:11:29,710 --> 00:11:31,250 of her dream home just because I... 306 00:11:31,250 --> 00:11:34,110 Okay, actually, it's because of youwife's credit card debt. 307 00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:40,570 Oh my God. 308 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,900 Marshall, there's something I have to tell you, 309 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:48,270 and I want you to hear it from me first. 310 00:11:54,610 --> 00:11:56,590 Okay, let me get this straight. 311 00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:59,450 You just snuck this girl into some stranger's apartment? 312 00:11:59,650 --> 00:12:00,770 yeah, we spent the night. 313 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,070 Hey, look at you. 314 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,430 I'm wearing your bathrobe. 315 00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:09,620 I hope you don't mind. 316 00:12:10,010 --> 00:12:11,170 The only thing missing from that bathrobe 317 00:12:11,170 --> 00:12:12,240 are your initials. 318 00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:17,300 My mom's gonna be in town next week. 319 00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:19,930 Is iokay if she stays with us? 320 00:12:21,210 --> 00:12:23,410 Only if she sleeps in the bed 321 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,940 and I sleep on the couch. 322 00:12:25,590 --> 00:12:27,330 You're so sweet. 323 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:28,110 I love you. 324 00:12:28,940 --> 00:12:31,530 There, I said it and I'm not taking it back. 325 00:12:31,890 --> 00:12:34,130 Oh, my God! I love you, too. 326 00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:36,810 I'm finally not the first one to say it! 327 00:12:37,910 --> 00:12:39,720 How about you get in the shower, 328 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:42,220 and I will make us some waffles. 329 00:12:58,590 --> 00:12:59,590 Works every time. 330 00:13:00,690 --> 00:13:01,290 Wait. 331 00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:03,120 That time that you offered to walk my dogs 332 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:04,770 when I went to visit my dad in Vancouver... 333 00:13:05,290 --> 00:13:06,010 Yup. 334 00:13:06,580 --> 00:13:07,730 Is that why my Yorkie trembled 335 00:13:07,730 --> 00:13:09,570 for like a week after I got back? 336 00:13:09,810 --> 00:13:10,540 Yeah. 337 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,050 That little guy saw some stuff I'm not proud of. 338 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:16,720 -Wh. -What? 339 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,140 There was a fight here. 340 00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:19,850 What do you mean? 341 00:13:20,510 --> 00:13:22,670 whenever Mshall anLily have a big argument, they always 342 00:13:22,790 --> 00:13:24,810 leave a trail of evidence all over the apament. 343 00:13:25,150 --> 00:13:26,510 Oh, god, here we go. 344 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,870 He had a detective club as a kid. 345 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:30,590 Uh, the Mosby Boys 346 00:13:30,590 --> 00:13:32,130 cracked a lot of big cases 347 00:13:32,690 --> 00:13:33,600 The Mosby Boys? 348 00:13:34,260 --> 00:13:35,320 You mean you and your sister. 349 00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:38,330 We solved the mystery of the missing retainer. 350 00:13:38,530 --> 00:13:39,200 let me guess 351 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,610 it was in the garbage. 352 00:13:41,980 --> 00:13:42,870 Why are you like this? 353 00:13:44,370 --> 00:13:45,370 Anyway, this is serious. 354 00:13:45,750 --> 00:13:46,930 I know Lily and Marshall. 355 00:13:47,090 --> 00:13:48,490 All the tell tale signs are here. 356 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:50,300 Like this 357 00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:52,580 -A water bott? -Don't touch the evidence 358 00:13:53,770 --> 00:13:54,770 I got your back partner. 359 00:13:55,870 --> 00:13:57,090 It's not stny water bottle. 360 00:13:58,150 --> 00:14:00,130 Notice the label is peed off. 361 00:14:01,050 --> 00:14:02,560 Lily always peels labels off 362 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:04,370 the bottle when she's feeling guilty. 363 00:14:05,020 --> 00:14:08,350 This lab is not only peele off, but torn up 364 00:14:09,810 --> 00:14:13,590 Oh, man, she must have done something bad. 365 00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:16,290 Which means Marshall must have been really angry, 366 00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:17,900 and when Marshall gets rely angry. 367 00:14:19,260 --> 00:14:19,920 he eats. 368 00:14:28,020 --> 00:14:28,880 Just as I suspected, 369 00:14:29,940 --> 00:14:30,940 Cherry Garcia. 370 00:14:32,670 --> 00:14:33,940 Given the liquid consistency, 371 00:14:35,490 --> 00:14:39,770 I place the fight between... noon and 1. 372 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,830 Ew, that was on the floor. 373 00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:43,280 If you want to get to the bottom of this, 374 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:45,450 you're gonna need a stronger stomach than that, doll-face. 375 00:14:46,770 --> 00:14:47,620 Marshall stood here. 376 00:14:48,810 --> 00:14:50,800 Eating and yelling, yelling and eating. 377 00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,430 Lily stood here. 378 00:14:54,670 --> 00:14:55,580 Crying. 379 00:14:55,580 --> 00:14:56,810 Ew, Ted. 380 00:14:57,420 --> 00:14:58,750 And thenarshall tried to 381 00:14:58,750 --> 00:14:59,750 storm out... 382 00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:04,360 but Lily went for the Hail Marpass. 383 00:15:07,530 --> 00:15:08,390 Which would mean... 384 00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:15,590 What do u think, makeup sex? 385 00:15:15,590 --> 00:15:17,620 There'd be a bigger mess. 386 00:15:18,180 --> 00:15:20,210 Tempted as he was, Marshall was still too upset. 387 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,330 He had to get out of here, any way he cld. 388 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,160 He chosehe doo 389 00:15:25,260 --> 00:15:26,340 slamming it bend him. 390 00:15:27,090 --> 00:15:28,760 Whh is why this picture is crooked. 391 00:15:29,230 --> 00:15:30,540 Nice catch, robin. 392 00:15:30,780 --> 00:15:33,080 I'll jus uh, take this down to the lab. 393 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:36,870 Now alwe need a motive. 394 00:15:37,430 --> 00:15:38,880 The milln-dollar question. 395 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:40,250 at were they fighting about? 396 00:15:40,250 --> 00:15:41,300 I ow what they've been fighting... 397 00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:42,830 Bup, bup, bu b, bup, bup. 398 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,930 There's only one possible conclusion. 399 00:15:45,890 --> 00:15:48,260 Li and Marshall're fighting about 400 00:15:49,630 --> 00:15:50,840 -peanut butter. -Ah. 401 00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:52,920 Lily left the lid off... 402 00:15:54,550 --> 00:15:56,550 and mashall blew heads 403 00:15:58,590 --> 00:15:59,800 I know what they were fighting about, 404 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:00,790 and it wasn't peanut butter. 405 00:16:01,010 --> 00:16:02,980 Robin, just... I appreciate your help, 406 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,400 but there's a reason you name is Robin, not Batman. 407 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:06,510 Just... 408 00:16:07,250 --> 00:16:09,030 They were fighting because they didn't get the loan 409 00:16:09,030 --> 00:16:10,120 and it's all Lily's fault. 410 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:11,600 Robin, just... What? 411 00:16:12,570 --> 00:16:14,750 Yeah, she has a pile of debt the size of Mount... 412 00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:15,950 Rushmore 413 00:16:16,690 --> 00:16:17,480 Nice try, Robin. 414 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:19,290 So, the next thing Lily did 415 00:16:19,530 --> 00:16:21,370 was give Marshall a few hours to cool off about 416 00:16:21,370 --> 00:16:23,000 the peanut butter. 417 00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:24,680 Then she called him 418 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:28,960 to apologize, which is why the last number dialed is... 419 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,330 Greenstein and Lee, Divorce Attorneys. 420 00:16:33,830 --> 00:16:35,000 This can't be happening. 421 00:16:35,410 --> 00:16:37,310 They can't... get divorced. 422 00:16:37,710 --> 00:16:39,290 Not Lily and Marshall, no way. 423 00:16:39,590 --> 00:16:40,900 Well, it's been nice knowing you guys. 424 00:16:41,290 --> 00:16:42,420 What do you mean? Well.. 425 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:44,650 Marshall's gonna get you guys, Lily's gonna get me. 426 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:46,780 even if they did break up, that doesn't mean 427 00:16:46,780 --> 00:16:47,820 we can't all ill hangout. 428 00:16:47,850 --> 00:16:50,390 I mean we broke up and we still hang out. It's not weird. 429 00:16:50,870 --> 00:16:51,590 It's a little weird. 430 00:16:52,330 --> 00:16:54,180 Yeah, it is. It's weird. 431 00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:57,420 The world needs 432 00:16:57,420 --> 00:16:59,850 Marshall and Lily... together. 433 00:17:02,030 --> 00:17:04,640 I'm not crying, there's something in my eye. 434 00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:07,450 They're back. 435 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:11,330 Hey, hey, guys. 436 00:17:13,150 --> 00:17:14,600 We have annnouncement. 437 00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:16,770 I know, it's a terrible idea. 438 00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:18,000 You can't do it! 439 00:17:19,190 --> 00:17:20,510 Just look at me. 440 00:17:23,820 --> 00:17:25,090 I hit redial on the phone. 441 00:17:25,390 --> 00:17:26,560 Divorce lawyers? 442 00:17:26,770 --> 00:17:28,760 Oh, I should explain. 443 00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:31,480 We got in a pretty big fight. 444 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:32,970 Yeah, I know. 445 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:35,650 Marshall stormed out. 446 00:17:35,990 --> 00:17:37,260 I went, uh, to the bar. 447 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:40,460 still drinking that? 448 00:17:41,390 --> 00:17:42,520 I paid for it. 449 00:17:42,990 --> 00:17:45,250 And apparently money's tight now, so... 450 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,260 Listen, I've been thinking about this, 451 00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:52,070 and I know there's no way to undo what I've done, 452 00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:55,790 but, well, I made an appointment with a divorce lawyer. 453 00:17:55,790 --> 00:17:57,050 What?! What?! 454 00:17:57,050 --> 00:17:57,850 Oh no, no, no, no-no. 455 00:17:57,850 --> 00:17:59,280 -What, you want a divorce now? -No. 456 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:00,710 I just mean on paper, 457 00:18:00,710 --> 00:18:02,240 so that you can buy the apartment 458 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,980 -without my bad credit dragging us down. -Lily... 459 00:18:05,530 --> 00:18:06,980 are you trying to kill me? 460 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,490 I'm sorry, I shouldn't have led with the divorce lawyer part. 461 00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:12,650 No, you shouldn't have 462 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:15,430 I love you, Lily. 463 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:17,210 I love you, too. 464 00:18:17,820 --> 00:18:19,810 And I want us to have our dream home. 465 00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:22,650 And, well, I don't know. 466 00:18:22,650 --> 00:18:24,320 It seems like this is a way to do it. 467 00:18:25,550 --> 00:18:26,410 So... 468 00:18:27,030 --> 00:18:28,290 Marsllriksen, 469 00:18:28,990 --> 00:18:29,990 will you divorce me? 470 00:18:32,030 --> 00:18:34,060 That's the sweetest divorce proposal I've ever heard. 471 00:18:34,850 --> 00:18:35,750 So is that a yes? 472 00:18:36,090 --> 00:18:37,470 You can't sleep with other women though. 473 00:18:37,930 --> 00:18:40,190 No, we're not getting divorced, 474 00:18:40,190 --> 00:18:41,590 not even on paper. 475 00:18:42,380 --> 00:18:44,630 When I married you, I married your problems, too. 476 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:48,070 The ones I knew about and the ones I didn't. 477 00:18:48,930 --> 00:18:50,740 So, that was the deal. 478 00:18:50,890 --> 00:18:51,890 We'll figure this out together. 479 00:18:56,590 --> 00:18:57,720 Can I get you guys anything else? 480 00:19:00,750 --> 00:19:02,200 you're not getting a divorce? 481 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:03,600 No. Wow, you guys 482 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,800 scared us. Oh, thank God. 483 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,650 Cause, I mean if you did, 484 00:19:08,650 --> 00:19:11,660 then who'd be the lame married couple I get to make fun of? 485 00:19:11,820 --> 00:19:14,220 Like, "Hey, Marshall, you married Miss Right. 486 00:19:14,730 --> 00:19:16,400 You just didn't know her first name was Always." 487 00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:18,370 That stuff is cold. 488 00:19:21,220 --> 00:19:22,760 So, what's the announcement? 489 00:19:24,150 --> 00:19:25,490 I just got off the phone with the Realtor. 490 00:19:25,490 --> 00:19:28,770 We told her that, uh, because of our finances, 491 00:19:28,770 --> 00:19:29,580 we're not getting the place. 492 00:19:29,580 --> 00:19:30,940 It's just-- it's not the right time. 493 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:32,640 Is what Marshall should have said. 494 00:19:33,410 --> 00:19:35,130 I just got off the phone with the Realtor. 495 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:37,010 We got the place! 496 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,300 We' re home on earth! 497 00:19:38,770 --> 00:19:40,250 Are you insane? 498 00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:40,790 Have you lost your mind? 499 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,010 Is what we should have said. 500 00:19:42,850 --> 00:19:45,960 Yeah! 501 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:51,970 Aw! This is exciting! 502 00:19:51,970 --> 00:19:53,690 Yeah. There it is! 503 00:19:54,470 --> 00:19:55,470 Our new home. 504 00:19:57,490 --> 00:19:58,030 Shall we? 505 00:19:58,460 --> 00:19:59,190 We shall. 506 00:20:04,270 --> 00:20:06,010 Oh! what a horrible smell. 507 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:07,300 It reeks. 508 00:20:07,580 --> 00:20:08,540 Oh, that's just the plant. 509 00:20:09,050 --> 00:20:10,630 Don't worry, they shut it down on the weekends. 510 00:20:11,070 --> 00:20:12,140 Wh-What plant? 511 00:20:12,140 --> 00:20:13,400 What are you talking about? 512 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:14,470 Don't you know? 513 00:20:14,940 --> 00:20:16,550 Baby, this whole neighborhood is downwind 514 00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:17,730 of the sewage treatment plant. 515 00:20:19,910 --> 00:20:22,380 Wait... what did you just say? 516 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:27,310 I said, we're downwind of the sewage treatment plant.