1 00:00:00,700 --> 00:00:03,000 Kids, everybody makes mistakes. 2 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,600 Take this girl Meg for instance. 3 00:00:04,700 --> 00:00:06,000 She made a mistake, 4 00:00:06,100 --> 00:00:07,600 a mistake named Barney. 5 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:11,600 Yeah, I thought I was gonna get married to my last boyfriend but, 6 00:00:11,900 --> 00:00:14,500 boy, did that guy have commitment issues. 7 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,200 That whole relationship... 8 00:00:16,300 --> 00:00:19,200 that's three weeks of my life I'll never get back. 9 00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:22,100 Well, I love commitment. 10 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:23,900 I wish I could marry commitment. 11 00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:26,400 - I met a girl last night. - Really? 12 00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:29,800 So perky and full of life and not at all fake. 13 00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:32,200 - You're talking about her boobs, right? - Sí. ("C") 14 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,100 And that wasn't Spanish, that was cup size. What up? 15 00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:38,700 - So, these boobs... - Hmm. 16 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:41,400 - paint me a word picture. - All right, Ted. 17 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:44,400 Imagine the heads of two Irish babies. 18 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:48,700 - Let's call them... and... - Please stop! 19 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:53,300 When you get married, you start outgrowing certain parts of your life. 20 00:00:53,300 --> 00:00:55,800 And for Lily and Marshall, those certain parts were, 21 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:57,700 for the most part, me. 22 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,100 Why would you come in? You heard me shaving! 23 00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:05,000 I thought you were shaving your face! 24 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,100 Well, clearly I wasn't! 25 00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:12,000 Pay up! Hussy! 26 00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:14,600 Guys. Guys, it's 3:00 in the morning 27 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:16,100 and it reeks in here. 28 00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:17,600 Ted said it was okay. 29 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:19,800 Ah, hey, Marshall. You're still up? 30 00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:21,800 Aren't you taking the bar tomorrow? 31 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,500 Discontent was bubbling under the surface, 32 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:26,700 until one day... 33 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:27,800 Ted! 34 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,300 How many times have I asked you to put the lid 35 00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:32,000 back on the peanut butter jar? 36 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:36,300 It's this sort of inconsiderate, immature jackassery 37 00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:39,100 that makes me feel like I'm living in the Real World house, 38 00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:41,400 and not the early years when they all had jobs 39 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:45,300 and social consciences. I'm talking about Hawaii and after! 40 00:01:45,300 --> 00:01:49,700 I can't take this anymore! Ted, Lily and I are married now! 41 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,000 It's time! 44 00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,400 But still, it was time to move forward. 45 00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:01,700 So, they set out to find a new apartment to rent. 46 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,200 Hey, here's one. 47 00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:05,600 Pre-war building, recently renovated, 48 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,700 hardwood floors, tons of light, 49 00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:09,400 two bedroom, two bath. 50 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:12,500 Oh, yeah, but that one's not for rent. It's for sale. 51 00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:16,900 Kids, Uncle Marshall always likes to say 52 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,000 that he had made three big mistakes in his life. 53 00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:22,100 - This was the first. - Jump, you big chicken! 54 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:24,500 - Jump ! You afraidy cat! - Jump! 55 00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:26,300 This was the second. 56 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,600 And this was the third and biggest. 57 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,600 - We should buy a place! - What? 58 00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:36,500 Baby, real estate is always a good investment. 59 00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:37,300 It's not. 60 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:39,600 And the market is really hot right now. 61 00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:40,400 It wasn't. 62 00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:44,200 And because of my new job, we are in such a strong place financially. 63 00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:45,100 They weren't. 64 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:46,800 Because Lily had a secret... 65 00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:51,200 Hi. My name is Lily and I'm a shopaholic. 66 00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:53,000 Hi, Lily. 67 00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:57,500 Oh, you guys don't do that here? Sorry. Proceed. 68 00:02:57,900 --> 00:03:02,800 I buy designer clothes and accessories that I can't afford. 69 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:06,200 I have 15 credit cards, and they're all maxed out. 70 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:10,400 And no one outside of this room, not even my husband, knows. 71 00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:14,100 And I, I feel terrible because all I want to do right now 72 00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:17,500 is ask you where you got those shoes. They're adorable. 73 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,400 We can't buy, we have debt. 74 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,800 Yeah, I know, my student loans are pretty big. 75 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,300 I forgive you. 76 00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:25,200 What? 77 00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:27,900 Well... I'm just saying as your wife, 78 00:03:28,100 --> 00:03:31,400 you know, I'm cool that you spent tens of thousands of dollars 79 00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:33,300 on a brand name law school. 80 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:37,000 Because I know it makes you feel good and pretty. 81 00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:40,500 Let's just go take a look at this place. 82 00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:41,700 Where is it? 83 00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:45,100 Uh, it's in a neighborhood called... 84 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,600 Dowisetrepla? 85 00:03:48,900 --> 00:03:50,700 Dowisetrepla. 86 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,700 Oh, I see, you're not New Yorkers. 87 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,400 Oh, actually we live on the Upper West Side, so... 88 00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:57,700 No need to be embarrassed, listen, here in New York 89 00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:59,800 we just shorten the names of all the neighborhoods, 90 00:03:59,900 --> 00:04:02,300 SoHo, TriBeCa, Nolita... 91 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,000 Oh, right. Dowisetrepla. 92 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,700 No, I'm, I'm from New York. 93 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,800 I know this neighborhood. I'm down with D-town. 94 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:12,100 Oh, well, nobody calls it D-town. 95 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:15,100 Dowisetrepla is the up-and-coming neighborhood. 96 00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:16,800 And I have to tell you, for these prices, 97 00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:18,400 you're not going to be able to find another... 98 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,900 I'm, I'm gonna stop you right there. 99 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,500 Don't bother with the hard sell. 100 00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:24,900 This place is, is way out of our price range, 101 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,700 and besides, we've only just started to looking. 102 00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:28,300 Is what Marshall should have said. 103 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,000 I'm gonna stop you right there. 104 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:32,900 I love it! Let's get it! 105 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,300 Sync by vNaru 106 00:04:47,441 --> 00:04:49,341 Thank you, guys, for coming down here so quickly. 107 00:04:49,441 --> 00:04:50,941 I've never been to this neighborhood. 108 00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:53,641 Kind of thought this part of town was water. 109 00:04:53,841 --> 00:04:56,741 No, dude. This is Dowisetrepla. 110 00:04:57,041 --> 00:04:58,841 Dowisetrepla? 111 00:04:59,041 --> 00:05:00,541 Is that an abbreviation for something? 112 00:05:01,841 --> 00:05:03,341 He's from Ohio. 113 00:05:04,441 --> 00:05:07,441 Dowisetrepla is the up-and-coming neighborhood. 114 00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:10,741 I think this might be the place where Lily and I start a family. 115 00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:12,941 I can see it now. 116 00:05:14,541 --> 00:05:16,141 Two, three, four. 117 00:05:19,541 --> 00:05:20,941 All right, bring it home, boys. 118 00:05:23,441 --> 00:05:25,041 Sounds great, boys. 119 00:05:25,041 --> 00:05:27,041 Who wants chocolate pancakes? 120 00:05:27,341 --> 00:05:29,141 Thanks, Mommy! 121 00:05:31,741 --> 00:05:34,141 Man, life is gonna be sweet! 122 00:05:34,941 --> 00:05:37,441 Oh, my God, Lily, have you seen this kitchen? 123 00:05:37,441 --> 00:05:40,241 I know. Isn't it amazing? 124 00:05:40,241 --> 00:05:42,841 - I just love it so... - What the hell are you doing? 125 00:05:43,041 --> 00:05:44,241 You can't buy this place. 126 00:05:44,241 --> 00:05:46,741 Lily, you have a debt the size of Mount Waddington! 127 00:05:47,041 --> 00:05:47,941 Waddington? 128 00:05:47,941 --> 00:05:51,241 It's the tallest mountain in Canada. It's like 4,000 meters high. 129 00:05:51,341 --> 00:05:52,041 Meters? 130 00:05:52,741 --> 00:05:55,241 Don't let Marshall fall in love with this apartment. 131 00:05:55,441 --> 00:05:58,441 I know, I know, I know, but what do I tell him? 132 00:05:58,541 --> 00:06:00,841 I don't know, tell him, um, tell him you saw a ghost. 133 00:06:00,941 --> 00:06:01,741 Tell him it's haunted. 134 00:06:02,141 --> 00:06:03,941 You really don't know Marshall at all. 135 00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:09,341 So, uh, the owners, where are they? 136 00:06:09,841 --> 00:06:11,941 They're on vacation in France for two of weeks. 137 00:06:12,041 --> 00:06:12,941 I see. 138 00:06:13,041 --> 00:06:16,641 Between you and me, I'm also interested in the apartment. 139 00:06:16,841 --> 00:06:19,441 So is there any way I could come back later 140 00:06:19,441 --> 00:06:21,541 and check it out while you're showing them other places? 141 00:06:21,741 --> 00:06:24,241 The lockbox combination is 1421. 142 00:06:24,741 --> 00:06:25,941 And here is my card. 143 00:06:29,441 --> 00:06:30,841 Are you serious? 144 00:06:30,841 --> 00:06:33,041 You're trying to snake this apartment away from Marshall and Lily? 145 00:06:33,041 --> 00:06:36,241 Ted, do you think I have no morals whatsoever? 146 00:06:36,441 --> 00:06:39,441 I simply want to fool a girl into thinking this is my apartment 147 00:06:39,541 --> 00:06:41,841 so I can nail her once and never have to see her again. 148 00:06:41,941 --> 00:06:42,841 I'm not a monster. 149 00:06:43,341 --> 00:06:45,141 Now, listen, I don't want to put a lot of pressure on you, 150 00:06:45,141 --> 00:06:49,341 but there is one other couple that's expressed very serious interest. 151 00:06:50,041 --> 00:06:51,441 I see what you're doing here. 152 00:06:52,141 --> 00:06:54,441 "Another couple." Please. 153 00:06:54,641 --> 00:06:57,441 That crap is page one out of the Realtor's playbook. 154 00:06:57,541 --> 00:06:58,541 And we're not buying it. 155 00:06:58,641 --> 00:07:00,041 Is what Marshall should have said. 156 00:07:00,741 --> 00:07:02,541 Another couple? No! 157 00:07:02,641 --> 00:07:05,441 We want it. Sell it to us. We'll give you so much more money. 158 00:07:05,541 --> 00:07:08,041 Oh, Marshall, can I talk to you? 159 00:07:09,541 --> 00:07:10,941 Marshall, I just... 160 00:07:11,041 --> 00:07:13,341 I don't know if now is the right time to buy. 161 00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:16,941 But we're not doing this for now, we're doing this for our future. 162 00:07:17,541 --> 00:07:19,741 Can't you imagine starting a family here? 163 00:07:23,041 --> 00:07:25,341 Oh, Persephone! Oh, Daphne! 164 00:07:25,441 --> 00:07:26,941 These'll be a perfect additions 165 00:07:26,941 --> 00:07:29,741 to our upcoming mother-daughter exhibit at the Met. 166 00:07:32,141 --> 00:07:33,741 Looks great, girls. 167 00:07:33,941 --> 00:07:35,741 Who wants crêpes au chocolat? 168 00:07:36,041 --> 00:07:38,341 Merci, papa! 169 00:07:38,641 --> 00:07:41,441 So... what do you guys think? 170 00:07:42,841 --> 00:07:45,141 I love it, but Marshall, 171 00:07:45,641 --> 00:07:48,341 I should have told you this a long time ago. 172 00:07:49,041 --> 00:07:51,841 We can't afford to buy an apartment because... 173 00:07:51,941 --> 00:07:53,941 I have too much credit card debt. 174 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,541 I am so sorry. 175 00:07:55,741 --> 00:07:57,041 Is what she should have said. 176 00:07:57,641 --> 00:07:59,341 I love it. Let's get it. 177 00:07:59,741 --> 00:08:00,941 Can we charge it? 178 00:08:01,841 --> 00:08:05,741 To Lily and Marshall and their momentous step forward into adulthood. 179 00:08:06,541 --> 00:08:09,741 Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! 180 00:08:09,741 --> 00:08:11,841 Drink it! Yes! Well done. Nice! Yeah! 181 00:08:12,041 --> 00:08:14,141 - Anything else? - Yes. 182 00:08:14,441 --> 00:08:17,041 I've been staring at that thing for years. 183 00:08:17,041 --> 00:08:21,041 Wendy, bring me the comically large bottle of champagne. 184 00:08:24,241 --> 00:08:26,841 Really? Are you sure? It's never been refrigerated. 185 00:08:26,841 --> 00:08:29,041 And I think at some point there was a fish in it. 186 00:08:29,541 --> 00:08:32,441 Honey, once you've made the sale, stop sellin'. 187 00:08:32,941 --> 00:08:35,441 All right, but you guys have to help me carry it. 188 00:08:35,541 --> 00:08:37,241 All right, let's do it. 189 00:08:37,241 --> 00:08:38,541 Let's do this. 190 00:08:38,641 --> 00:08:41,641 I know what you're thinking. I should tell Marshall the truth. 191 00:08:42,341 --> 00:08:44,441 Hey, I've got the whole thing figured out. 192 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,441 We'll apply for the loan under Marshall's name, 193 00:08:46,441 --> 00:08:48,041 and he'll never need to know. 194 00:08:48,241 --> 00:08:51,141 And then in the meantime, I'll slowly work down my debt. 195 00:08:51,241 --> 00:08:52,941 Right after I furnish the apartment. 196 00:08:53,041 --> 00:08:56,041 I saw this amazing leather sofa today. 197 00:08:56,641 --> 00:08:58,241 You should be a reality show. 198 00:09:00,241 --> 00:09:01,341 Nice! Nice. 199 00:09:02,941 --> 00:09:05,541 Wait! That cork is the size of a softball 200 00:09:05,541 --> 00:09:08,441 and you're pointing it directly at Wendy the waitress's face. 201 00:09:08,541 --> 00:09:09,741 Is what he should have said. 202 00:09:12,141 --> 00:09:13,841 Now if you thinking of buying an appartment, 203 00:09:13,841 --> 00:09:15,841 it's always good to check the place out at night. 204 00:09:16,041 --> 00:09:18,441 Welcome to my humble abode. 205 00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:20,841 This place is so nice. 206 00:09:20,941 --> 00:09:23,541 Ah, make yourself at home. Please, get comfortable. 207 00:09:23,541 --> 00:09:25,541 If you see something you like, just take it. 208 00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:30,441 - Who are these people? - Uh... that's my parents. 209 00:09:30,841 --> 00:09:33,141 They're... Asian. 210 00:09:33,441 --> 00:09:36,741 Yeah. They're a Chinese couple that wanted a white baby. 211 00:09:36,841 --> 00:09:37,841 It works both ways. 212 00:09:38,741 --> 00:09:40,741 - Cookie. - Wow. 213 00:09:40,941 --> 00:09:43,641 - Did you make those? - You got me. 214 00:09:43,741 --> 00:09:46,241 My sisters taught me how to bake and how to listen. 215 00:09:47,841 --> 00:09:49,841 I feel so at home here. 216 00:09:50,041 --> 00:09:50,941 I'm glad. 217 00:09:51,641 --> 00:09:53,341 Sometimes, I don't. 218 00:09:53,441 --> 00:09:56,141 A place like this really needs a lady of the house. 219 00:09:56,441 --> 00:09:58,841 I know it's early to be thinking of you as... 220 00:09:58,941 --> 00:10:01,841 Oh, God, I'm freaking you out, aren't I? It's just... 221 00:10:01,941 --> 00:10:04,441 you make me feel so safe... I didn't... 222 00:10:06,941 --> 00:10:10,241 The next day, Lily and Marshall went to the mortgage broker to get a loan. 223 00:10:10,341 --> 00:10:11,941 Hey, uh, can we get this in singles? 224 00:10:12,041 --> 00:10:13,941 Before we get the apartment I want to put in a kiddie pool 225 00:10:14,041 --> 00:10:15,241 and swim around in it naked. 226 00:10:17,041 --> 00:10:19,141 - Great, that is great! - Thank you. 227 00:10:19,941 --> 00:10:22,641 - Thank you. - Okay, all right, back to business. 228 00:10:23,841 --> 00:10:26,841 All right, Mrs. Aldrin, I'm going to need your social as well. 229 00:10:27,041 --> 00:10:30,241 What? Why? I mean, you already have Marshall's. 230 00:10:30,341 --> 00:10:32,041 Yes, but since you're a married couple, 231 00:10:32,041 --> 00:10:34,341 you'll be applying for a joint loan, so... 232 00:10:34,541 --> 00:10:38,441 Well, can we just go ahead and do it in my husband's name? 233 00:10:38,741 --> 00:10:40,341 He's the head of the household. 234 00:10:40,441 --> 00:10:43,841 He earns the big bucks. I mean, can women even own property? 235 00:10:45,341 --> 00:10:46,941 Go ahead, just give him your social. 236 00:10:47,041 --> 00:10:50,241 Okay, my... my social is, uh... 237 00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:52,441 5 5 1 2 4 1 8 0 238 00:10:52,741 --> 00:10:53,541 Got it. 239 00:10:55,241 --> 00:10:58,441 Let's see what kind of rate I can get you two. 240 00:10:58,541 --> 00:11:01,441 Under six percent. Under six percent. Under six percent, please. 241 00:11:02,041 --> 00:11:04,341 There we go. Congratulations. 242 00:11:04,441 --> 00:11:07,441 You have been approved for a loan at 18%. 243 00:11:08,541 --> 00:11:10,841 No, way. That-that can't be right. 244 00:11:10,941 --> 00:11:12,641 You're lucky to be getting a mortgage. 245 00:11:12,841 --> 00:11:14,041 Let's get out of here, Marshall. 246 00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:16,241 Hold it, I-I don't understand. 247 00:11:16,341 --> 00:11:18,041 Did we do something wrong or...? 248 00:11:18,241 --> 00:11:19,941 You have quite a bit of debt. 249 00:11:20,041 --> 00:11:22,441 My student loans. Great. 250 00:11:22,541 --> 00:11:23,541 I thought we were friends. 251 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:25,441 You know what, it's fine to penalize me 252 00:11:25,541 --> 00:11:27,541 for trying to get an education and build a career, 253 00:11:27,541 --> 00:11:29,541 but I will not let you deprive my beautiful wife 254 00:11:29,641 --> 00:11:31,141 of her dream home just because I... 255 00:11:31,141 --> 00:11:34,041 Okay, actually, it's because of your wife's credit card debt. 256 00:11:39,241 --> 00:11:40,841 Oh, my God. 257 00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:45,941 Marshall, there's something I have to tell you, 258 00:11:46,041 --> 00:11:48,241 and I want you to hear it from me first. 259 00:11:54,841 --> 00:11:56,941 Okay, so let me get this straight. 260 00:11:56,941 --> 00:11:59,841 You just snuck this girl into some stranger's apartment? 261 00:11:59,841 --> 00:12:01,141 Yeah, we spent the night. 262 00:12:01,941 --> 00:12:05,641 - Hey, look at you. - Hey. 263 00:12:05,741 --> 00:12:07,941 I'm wearing your bathrobe. 264 00:12:08,941 --> 00:12:10,041 I hope you don't mind. 265 00:12:10,241 --> 00:12:12,841 The only thing missing from that bathrobe are your initials. 266 00:12:15,341 --> 00:12:18,041 My mom's gonna be in town next week. 267 00:12:18,341 --> 00:12:20,741 Is it okay if she stays with us? 268 00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:25,441 Only if she sleeps in the bed and I sleep on the couch. 269 00:12:25,841 --> 00:12:28,741 - You're so sweet. - I love you. 270 00:12:29,241 --> 00:12:32,041 There, I said it and I'm not taking it back. 271 00:12:32,141 --> 00:12:34,841 Oh, my God! I love you, too. 272 00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:37,341 I'm finally not the first one to say it! 273 00:12:38,041 --> 00:12:42,541 How about you get in the shower, and I will make us some waffles. 274 00:12:58,941 --> 00:13:00,441 Works every time. 275 00:13:00,941 --> 00:13:03,541 Wait. That time that you offered to walk my dogs 276 00:13:03,641 --> 00:13:05,441 when I went to visit my dad in Vancouver... 277 00:13:05,541 --> 00:13:06,341 Yup. 278 00:13:06,841 --> 00:13:10,041 Is that why my Yorkie trembled for like a week after I got back? 279 00:13:10,641 --> 00:13:13,341 Yeah. That little guy saw some stuff I'm not proud of. 280 00:13:16,741 --> 00:13:17,641 What ? 281 00:13:17,841 --> 00:13:19,541 There was a fight here. 282 00:13:19,641 --> 00:13:20,541 What do you mean? 283 00:13:20,741 --> 00:13:22,541 Whenever Marshall and Lily have a big argument, 284 00:13:22,541 --> 00:13:25,341 they always leave a trail of evidence all over the apartment. 285 00:13:25,441 --> 00:13:29,141 Oh, God, here we go. He had a detective club as a kid. 286 00:13:29,441 --> 00:13:32,641 Uh, the Mosby Boys cracked a lot of big cases. 287 00:13:32,941 --> 00:13:35,841 The Mosby Boys? You mean you and your sister. 288 00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,741 We solved the mystery of the missing retainer. 289 00:13:38,741 --> 00:13:41,441 Hmm, let me guess: it was in the garbage. 290 00:13:42,141 --> 00:13:43,341 Why are you like this? 291 00:13:44,541 --> 00:13:45,941 Anyway, this is serious. 292 00:13:46,041 --> 00:13:47,341 I know Lily and Marshall. 293 00:13:47,441 --> 00:13:49,141 All the telltale signs are here. 294 00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:50,641 Like this. 295 00:13:50,741 --> 00:13:53,941 - A water bottle? - Don't touch the evidence! 296 00:13:53,941 --> 00:13:55,141 I got your back, partner. 297 00:13:56,141 --> 00:13:57,941 It's not just any water bottle. 298 00:13:58,341 --> 00:14:00,641 Notice the label is peeled off. 299 00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:04,741 Lily always peels labels off the bottle when she's feeling guilty. 300 00:14:05,441 --> 00:14:07,441 This label is not only peeled off... 301 00:14:07,741 --> 00:14:09,141 but torn up. 302 00:14:10,041 --> 00:14:13,841 Oh, man, she must have done something bad. 303 00:14:14,641 --> 00:14:16,641 Which means Marshall must have been really angry, 304 00:14:16,741 --> 00:14:18,541 and when Marshall gets really angry... 305 00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:20,541 he eats. 306 00:14:28,441 --> 00:14:29,741 Just as I suspected, 307 00:14:30,141 --> 00:14:31,541 Cherry Garcia. 308 00:14:32,841 --> 00:14:34,941 Given the liquid consistency, 309 00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:37,941 I place the fight between... 310 00:14:39,141 --> 00:14:40,241 noon and 1:00. 311 00:14:40,241 --> 00:14:42,541 Ew, that was on the floor. 312 00:14:42,641 --> 00:14:43,941 If you want to get to the bottom of this, 313 00:14:43,941 --> 00:14:46,441 you're gonna need a stronger stomach than that, doll-face. 314 00:14:46,941 --> 00:14:48,041 Marshall stood here. 315 00:14:49,041 --> 00:14:51,541 Eating and yelling, yelling and eating. 316 00:14:52,041 --> 00:14:54,241 Lily stood here. 317 00:14:55,341 --> 00:14:57,141 - Crying. - Ew, Ted. 318 00:14:57,541 --> 00:15:00,341 And then Marshall tried to storm out... 319 00:15:01,341 --> 00:15:04,541 but Lily... went for the Hail Mary pass. 320 00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:09,141 Which would mean... 321 00:15:14,141 --> 00:15:15,941 What do you think, makeup sex? 322 00:15:15,941 --> 00:15:18,241 No. There'd be bigger mess. 323 00:15:18,341 --> 00:15:20,541 Tempted as he was, Marshall was still too upset. 324 00:15:20,941 --> 00:15:22,941 He had to get out of here, any way he could. 325 00:15:23,341 --> 00:15:26,941 He chose the door, slamming it behind him. 326 00:15:27,241 --> 00:15:29,241 Which is why this picture is crooked. 327 00:15:29,441 --> 00:15:30,941 Nice catch, rook. 328 00:15:31,041 --> 00:15:33,641 I'll just, uh, take this down to the lab. 329 00:15:35,841 --> 00:15:37,541 Now all we need is a motive. 330 00:15:37,641 --> 00:15:39,241 The million-dollar question. 331 00:15:39,341 --> 00:15:40,641 What were they fighting about? 332 00:15:40,741 --> 00:15:41,741 I know what they've been fighting... 333 00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:42,841 Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup. 334 00:15:43,241 --> 00:15:45,541 There's only one possible conclusion. 335 00:15:46,241 --> 00:15:48,541 Lily and Marshall were fighting about... 336 00:15:49,941 --> 00:15:50,941 peanut butter. 337 00:15:51,941 --> 00:15:53,341 Lily left the lid off... 338 00:15:55,341 --> 00:15:56,941 then Marshall blew his. 339 00:15:58,841 --> 00:16:01,241 I know what they were fighting about, and it wasn't peanut butter. 340 00:16:01,241 --> 00:16:03,541 - Robin, just... - I appreciate your help, 341 00:16:03,641 --> 00:16:06,141 but there's a reason your name is Robin, not Batman. 342 00:16:06,241 --> 00:16:06,941 Just... 343 00:16:07,541 --> 00:16:10,241 They were fighting because they didn't get the loan and it's all Lily's fault. 344 00:16:10,841 --> 00:16:12,441 - Robin, just... - What? 345 00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:16,241 Yeah, she has a pile of debt the size of Mount... Rushmore. 346 00:16:16,841 --> 00:16:19,841 Nice try, Robin. So, the next thing Lily did 347 00:16:19,941 --> 00:16:23,641 was give Marshall a few hours to cool off about the peanut butter. 348 00:16:24,241 --> 00:16:26,141 Then she called him to apologize, 349 00:16:26,141 --> 00:16:29,541 which is why the last number dialed... is... 350 00:16:29,641 --> 00:16:31,741 Greenstein and Lee, Divorce Attorneys. 351 00:16:33,841 --> 00:16:37,841 - This can't be happening. - They can't... get divorced. 352 00:16:37,841 --> 00:16:39,741 Not Lily and Marshall, no way. 353 00:16:39,841 --> 00:16:41,541 Well, it's been nice knowing you guys. 354 00:16:41,541 --> 00:16:42,941 - What do you mean? - Well... 355 00:16:43,041 --> 00:16:45,441 Marshall's gonna get you guys, Lily's gonna get me. 356 00:16:45,741 --> 00:16:48,141 Even if they did break up, that doesn't mean we can't all still hang out. 357 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,941 I mean we broke up and we still hang out. It's not weird. 358 00:16:51,041 --> 00:16:54,841 - It's a little weird. - Yeah, it is. It's weird. 359 00:16:56,941 --> 00:17:00,241 The world needs Marshall and Lily... together. 360 00:17:02,241 --> 00:17:05,541 I'm not crying, there's something in my eye. 361 00:17:07,141 --> 00:17:08,341 They're back. 362 00:17:10,141 --> 00:17:12,141 - Hey, hey, guys. - Hey. 363 00:17:13,441 --> 00:17:15,041 We have an announcement. 364 00:17:15,141 --> 00:17:18,341 I know, it's a terrible idea. You can't do it! 365 00:17:19,841 --> 00:17:21,541 Just look at me. 366 00:17:23,941 --> 00:17:26,841 I hit redial on the phone. Divorce lawyers? 367 00:17:26,941 --> 00:17:29,841 Oh, I should explain. 368 00:17:30,141 --> 00:17:33,541 - We got in a pretty big fight. - Yeah, I know. 369 00:17:34,541 --> 00:17:37,741 - Marshall stormed out. - I went, uh, to the bar. 370 00:17:39,741 --> 00:17:41,541 Still drinking that? 371 00:17:41,641 --> 00:17:46,041 I paid for it. And apparently money's tight now, so... 372 00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:50,141 Listen, I've been thinking about this, and, 373 00:17:50,241 --> 00:17:54,141 I know there's no way to undo what I've done, but, well, 374 00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:56,241 I made an appointment with a divorce lawyer. 375 00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:57,241 What?! What?! 376 00:17:57,241 --> 00:17:58,441 Oh, no, no, no, no-no. 377 00:17:58,541 --> 00:18:01,141 - What, you want a divorce now? - No. I just mean on paper, 378 00:18:01,141 --> 00:18:05,041 so that you can buy the apartment without my bad credit dragging us down. 379 00:18:05,041 --> 00:18:07,941 Lily... are you trying to kill me? 380 00:18:08,241 --> 00:18:10,741 I'm sorry, I shouldn't have led with the divorce lawyer part. 381 00:18:10,841 --> 00:18:13,041 No, you shouldn't have. 382 00:18:14,841 --> 00:18:16,241 I love you, Lily. 383 00:18:16,841 --> 00:18:17,841 I love you, too. 384 00:18:18,041 --> 00:18:20,741 And I want us to have our dream home. 385 00:18:21,941 --> 00:18:25,141 Well, I don't know. It seems like this is a way to do it. 386 00:18:25,841 --> 00:18:30,541 So... Marshall Eriksen, will you divorce me? 387 00:18:32,241 --> 00:18:34,641 That's the sweetest divorce proposal I've ever heard. 388 00:18:35,041 --> 00:18:38,141 So is that a yes? You can't sleep with other women though. 389 00:18:38,241 --> 00:18:42,241 No, we're not getting divorced, not even on paper. 390 00:18:42,641 --> 00:18:45,341 When I married you, I married your problems, too. 391 00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:48,941 The ones I knew about and the ones I didn't. 392 00:18:50,241 --> 00:18:52,441 That was the deal. We'll figure this out together. 393 00:18:56,841 --> 00:18:58,441 Can I get you guys anything else? 394 00:19:01,041 --> 00:19:02,841 So you're not getting a divorce? 395 00:19:02,841 --> 00:19:04,741 - No. - Wow, you guys scared us. 396 00:19:04,741 --> 00:19:06,941 Oh, thank God. 397 00:19:07,241 --> 00:19:09,241 'Cause, I mean if you did, then, 398 00:19:09,341 --> 00:19:12,041 who'd be the lame married couple I get to make fun of? 399 00:19:12,041 --> 00:19:14,841 Like, "Hey, Marshall, you married Miss Right. 400 00:19:14,941 --> 00:19:17,041 You just didn't know her first name was Always." 401 00:19:17,041 --> 00:19:18,841 That stuff is gold. 402 00:19:21,441 --> 00:19:23,241 So, what's the announcement? 403 00:19:24,241 --> 00:19:25,941 I just got off the phone with the Realtor. 404 00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:28,741 We told her that, uh, because of our finances, 405 00:19:28,741 --> 00:19:31,341 we're not getting the place. It's just... it's not the right time. 406 00:19:31,541 --> 00:19:33,041 Is what Marshall should have said. 407 00:19:33,641 --> 00:19:35,641 I just got off the phone with the realtor. 408 00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:38,841 - We got the place! - We're homeowners! 409 00:19:38,941 --> 00:19:41,041 - Are you insane? - Have you lost your mind? 410 00:19:41,041 --> 00:19:42,341 Is what we should have said. 411 00:19:43,041 --> 00:19:46,541 - Yes! Congratulations! - That's awesome! 412 00:19:46,641 --> 00:19:49,641 - Thank you. - Wow! Wow! 413 00:19:50,341 --> 00:19:51,841 This is exciting! 414 00:19:52,241 --> 00:19:55,341 Yeah. There it is! Our new home. 415 00:19:56,641 --> 00:19:58,741 - Shall we? - We shall. 416 00:20:03,441 --> 00:20:05,441 Oh, what a horrible smell. 417 00:20:05,641 --> 00:20:06,741 It reeks. 418 00:20:06,741 --> 00:20:07,941 Oh, that's just the plant. 419 00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:10,141 Don't worry, they shut it down on the weekends. 420 00:20:10,341 --> 00:20:12,941 Wh-What plant? What are you talking about? 421 00:20:13,141 --> 00:20:14,141 Don't you know? 422 00:20:14,241 --> 00:20:17,341 Baby, this whole neighborhood is downwind of the sewage treatment plant. 423 00:20:19,041 --> 00:20:19,841 Wait... 424 00:20:20,841 --> 00:20:22,041 What did you just say? 425 00:20:23,141 --> 00:20:26,741 I said, we're downwind of the sewage treatment plant.