1
00:00:01,700 --> 00:00:03,900
Kids, everybody makes mistakes.
2
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:05,800
Take this girl Meg for instance.
3
00:00:05,835 --> 00:00:08,600
She made a mistake,
a mistake named Barney.
4
00:00:08,700 --> 00:00:09,400
Yeah,
5
00:00:09,435 --> 00:00:11,900
I thought I was gonna get
married to my last boyfriend
6
00:00:11,935 --> 00:00:15,200
but, boy, did that guy
have commitment issues.
7
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,300
That whole relationship--
8
00:00:17,335 --> 00:00:20,100
that's three weeks of my life
I'll never get back.
9
00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:23,100
Well, I love commitment.
10
00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:25,100
I wish I could marry commitment.
11
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,400
- I met a girl last night.
- Really?
12
00:00:27,435 --> 00:00:30,900
So perky and full of
life and not at all fake.
13
00:00:30,935 --> 00:00:32,200
You're talking about her boobs, right?
14
00:00:32,235 --> 00:00:33,100
C?
15
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,200
And that wasn't Spanish,
that was cup size.
16
00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:36,300
What up?
17
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:39,800
- So, these boobs...
- Hmm.
18
00:00:39,835 --> 00:00:41,000
paint me a word picture.
19
00:00:41,035 --> 00:00:42,200
All right, Ted.
20
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,800
Imagine the heads of two Irish babies.
21
00:00:44,835 --> 00:00:45,600
Mmm.
22
00:00:45,635 --> 00:00:46,500
Let's call them...
23
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:48,800
and...
24
00:00:48,835 --> 00:00:50,000
Please stop!
25
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:52,100
When you get married,
26
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:54,300
you start outgrowing certain
parts of your life.
27
00:00:54,335 --> 00:00:55,500
And for Lily and Marshall,
28
00:00:55,535 --> 00:00:56,800
those certain parts were,
29
00:00:56,835 --> 00:00:58,100
for the most part,
30
00:00:58,135 --> 00:00:58,700
me.
31
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,000
Why would you come in?
32
00:01:03,035 --> 00:01:04,100
You heard me shaving!
33
00:01:04,135 --> 00:01:06,100
I thought you were shaving your face!
34
00:01:06,135 --> 00:01:08,300
Well, clearly I wasn't!
35
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,500
- Oh!
- No, no!
36
00:01:10,535 --> 00:01:11,700
- Pay up!
- Ugh!
37
00:01:11,735 --> 00:01:12,900
Hussy!
38
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,000
- Guys.
- Hussy? What?
39
00:01:14,035 --> 00:01:15,600
Guys, it's 3:00 in the morning
40
00:01:15,635 --> 00:01:17,200
and it reeks in here.
41
00:01:17,235 --> 00:01:18,500
Ted said it was okay.
44
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:22,600
Aren't you taking the bar tomorrow?
45
00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:26,600
Discontent was bubbling
under the surface,
46
00:01:26,700 --> 00:01:27,700
until one day...
47
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:28,500
Ted!
48
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,200
How many times have I
asked you to put the lid
49
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,200
back on the peanut butter jar?
50
00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:35,500
It's this sort of inconsiderate,
51
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:40,100
immature jackassery that makes me feel
like I'm living in the Real World house,
52
00:01:40,135 --> 00:01:41,350
and not the early years...
53
00:01:41,450 --> 00:01:43,700
when they all had jobs
and social consciences.
54
00:01:43,735 --> 00:01:46,300
I'm talking about Hawaii and after!
55
00:01:46,335 --> 00:01:48,200
I can't take this anymore!
56
00:01:48,235 --> 00:01:50,600
Ted, Lily and I are married now!
57
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:51,800
It's time!
58
00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:53,900
We're getting our own place!
59
00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:55,500
Actually,
60
00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:57,900
I left the lid off.
Sorry, baby.
61
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,400
But still, it was time to move forward.
62
00:02:00,435 --> 00:02:02,700
So, they set out to find
a new apartment to rent.
63
00:02:02,735 --> 00:02:04,200
Hey, here's one.
64
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,500
Pre-war building,
recently renovated,
65
00:02:06,535 --> 00:02:07,800
hardwood floors,
66
00:02:07,835 --> 00:02:08,800
tons of light,
67
00:02:08,835 --> 00:02:10,400
two bedroom, two bath.
68
00:02:10,435 --> 00:02:12,100
Oh, yeah, but that one's not for rent.
69
00:02:12,135 --> 00:02:13,300
It's for sale.
70
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:14,500
Oh, right.
71
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,900
Kids, Uncle Marshall always likes to say
72
00:02:17,935 --> 00:02:20,200
that he had made three big mistakes
in his life.
73
00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:21,600
This was the first.
74
00:02:21,635 --> 00:02:23,100
Jump,
you big chicken!
75
00:02:23,135 --> 00:02:24,800
Jump!
You afraidy cat!
76
00:02:24,835 --> 00:02:26,300
Jump!
Jump!
77
00:02:26,335 --> 00:02:27,500
This was the second.
78
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:29,700
No!
79
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,500
And this was the third and biggest.
80
00:02:32,535 --> 00:02:34,100
We should buy a place!
81
00:02:34,135 --> 00:02:34,700
What?
82
00:02:34,735 --> 00:02:37,500
Baby, real estate is always
a good investment.
83
00:02:37,535 --> 00:02:38,300
It's not.
84
00:02:38,335 --> 00:02:40,600
And the market is really hot right now.
85
00:02:40,635 --> 00:02:41,600
It wasn't.
86
00:02:41,635 --> 00:02:42,900
And because of my new job,
87
00:02:42,935 --> 00:02:45,300
we are in such a strong
place financially.
88
00:02:45,335 --> 00:02:46,200
They weren't.
89
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,000
Because lily had a secret
90
00:02:48,700 --> 00:02:49,700
Hi.
91
00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,200
My name is Lily and I'm a shopaholic.
92
00:02:52,235 --> 00:02:53,400
Hi, Lily.
93
00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:55,800
Oh, you guys don't do that here?
94
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:57,300
Sorry.
95
00:02:57,700 --> 00:02:58,500
Proceed.
96
00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:02,000
I buy designer clothes and accessories
97
00:03:02,035 --> 00:03:03,800
that I can't afford.
98
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:07,300
I have 15 credit cards,
and they're all maxed out.
99
00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:11,500
And no one outside of this room,
not even my husband, knows.
100
00:03:11,535 --> 00:03:13,300
And I, I feel terrible
101
00:03:13,335 --> 00:03:15,700
because all I want to do
right now is ask you
102
00:03:15,735 --> 00:03:17,000
where you got those shoes.
103
00:03:17,035 --> 00:03:18,400
They're adorable.
104
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,400
We can't buy; we have debt.
105
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:22,400
Yeah, I know,
106
00:03:22,435 --> 00:03:23,900
my student loans are pretty big.
107
00:03:23,935 --> 00:03:25,100
I forgive you.
108
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:26,400
What?
109
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:29,000
Well.. I'm just saying as your wife,
110
00:03:29,035 --> 00:03:32,400
you know, I'm cool that you spent tens
of thousands of dollars
111
00:03:32,435 --> 00:03:34,300
on a brand name law school.
112
00:03:34,335 --> 00:03:37,800
Because I know it makes you feel
good and pretty.
113
00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:41,200
Let's just go take a look at this place.
114
00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:42,600
Where is it?
115
00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:45,300
Uh, it's in a neighborhood called...
116
00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:49,500
Dowisetrepla?
117
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,300
Dowisetrepla.
118
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,800
Oh, I see, you're not New Yorkers.
119
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,400
Oh, actually we live
on the Upper West Side, so...
120
00:03:56,435 --> 00:03:57,600
No need to be embarrassed,
121
00:03:57,635 --> 00:03:58,600
listen, here in New York
122
00:03:58,635 --> 00:04:00,900
we just shorten the names
of all the neighborhoods,
123
00:04:00,935 --> 00:04:03,400
SoHo, TriBeCa, Nolita--
124
00:04:03,435 --> 00:04:04,800
Oh, right.
125
00:04:04,835 --> 00:04:06,000
Dowisetrepla.
126
00:04:06,035 --> 00:04:07,800
No, I'm, I'm from New York.
127
00:04:07,835 --> 00:04:09,100
I know this neighborhood.
128
00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:10,900
I'm down with D-town.
129
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:13,100
Oh, well,
nobody calls it D-town.
130
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,100
Dowisetrepla is the up-and-coming
neighborhood.
131
00:04:16,135 --> 00:04:17,800
And I have to tell you,
for these prices,
132
00:04:17,835 --> 00:04:19,100
you're not going to be
able to find another...
133
00:04:19,135 --> 00:04:21,900
I'm, I'm gonna stop you right there.
134
00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:23,500
Don't bother with the hard sell.
135
00:04:23,535 --> 00:04:25,500
This place is, is way
out of our price range,
136
00:04:25,535 --> 00:04:27,700
and besides, we've only
just started to looking.
137
00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:29,500
Is what Marshall should have said.
138
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,900
I'm gonna stop you right there.
139
00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:34,300
I love it!
Let's get it!
140
00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:52,100
Thank you, guys,
for coming down here so quickly.
141
00:04:52,135 --> 00:04:53,600
I've never been to this neighborhood.
142
00:04:53,635 --> 00:04:56,100
Kind of thought this part
of town was water.
143
00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:57,700
No, dude.
144
00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,600
This is Dowisetrepla.
145
00:04:59,635 --> 00:05:01,400
- Dowisetrepla?
- Yeah.
146
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,200
Is that an abbreviation for something?
147
00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:05,700
He's from Ohio.
148
00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:08,700
- Dowisetrepla is the
up-and-coming neighborhood.
149
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:09,800
Oh.
150
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:13,200
I think this might be the place where
Lily and I start a family.
151
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,500
I can see it now.
152
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,700
Two, three, four.
153
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,900
All right, bring it home, boys.
154
00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:27,600
Sounds great, boys.
155
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,900
Who wants chocolate pancakes?
156
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,000
Thanks, Mommy!
157
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:35,200
Man,
158
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,000
life is gonna be sweet!
159
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:38,300
Oh, my God,
160
00:05:38,335 --> 00:05:40,100
Lily, have you seen this kitchen?
161
00:05:40,135 --> 00:05:41,000
- I know.
- It's...
162
00:05:41,035 --> 00:05:42,400
Isn't it amazing?
163
00:05:42,435 --> 00:05:45,400
- I just love it so...
- What the hell are you doing?
164
00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:46,900
You can't buy this place.
165
00:05:46,935 --> 00:05:49,500
Lily, you have a debt
the size of Mount Waddington!
166
00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:50,600
Waddington?
167
00:05:50,635 --> 00:05:52,200
It's the tallest mountain in Canada.
168
00:05:52,235 --> 00:05:54,100
It's like 4, 000 meters high.
169
00:05:54,135 --> 00:05:54,900
Meters?
170
00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:57,900
Don't let Marshall fall in love
with this apartment.
171
00:05:57,935 --> 00:05:59,400
I know, I know,
I know, I know,
172
00:05:59,435 --> 00:06:01,100
but what do I tell him?
173
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,700
I-I don't know,
tell him, um,
174
00:06:02,735 --> 00:06:04,500
tell him you saw a ghost.
Tell him it's haunted.
175
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,800
You really don't know Marshall at all.
176
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,300
So, uh, the owners,
177
00:06:11,335 --> 00:06:12,400
- where are they?
- Oh.
178
00:06:12,435 --> 00:06:14,000
They're on vacation in France
179
00:06:14,035 --> 00:06:15,600
- for two of weeks.
- I see.
180
00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:16,900
Between you and me,
181
00:06:16,935 --> 00:06:19,400
I'm also interested in the apartment.
182
00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:22,600
So is there any way I could
come back later and check it out
183
00:06:22,635 --> 00:06:24,400
while you're showing them other places?
184
00:06:24,435 --> 00:06:25,600
The lock bar's combination is
185
00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:26,900
1421.
186
00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:28,700
And here is my card.
187
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,500
Are you serious?
188
00:06:33,535 --> 00:06:35,700
You're trying to snake this
apartment away from Marshall and Lily?
189
00:06:35,735 --> 00:06:38,700
Ted, do you think I have
no morals whatsoever?
190
00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:42,100
I simply want to fool a girl
into thinking this is my apartment
191
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,500
so I can nail her once
and never have to see her again.
192
00:06:44,535 --> 00:06:45,700
I'm not a monster.
193
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,700
Now, listen, I don't want to put a lot
of pressure on you,
194
00:06:47,735 --> 00:06:50,687
but there is one other
couple that's expressed...
195
00:06:50,787 --> 00:06:52,100
very serious interest.
196
00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:54,100
I see what you're doing here.
197
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,100
"Another couple. "
198
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,200
Please.
199
00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:59,600
That crap is page one
out of the Realtor's playbook.
200
00:06:59,635 --> 00:07:01,200
And we're not buying it.
201
00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:02,900
Is what Marshall should have said.
202
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:04,400
Another couple?
203
00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:05,300
No!
204
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:06,700
We want it.
Sell it to us.
205
00:07:06,735 --> 00:07:08,100
We'll give you so much more money.
206
00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:10,700
Oh, Marshall,
can I talk to you?
207
00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:13,600
Marshall, I just...
208
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,000
I don't know if now is
the right time to buy.
209
00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:17,800
But we're not doing this for now,
210
00:07:17,835 --> 00:07:19,500
we're doing this for our future.
211
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,400
Can't you imagine
starting a family here?
212
00:07:25,700 --> 00:07:26,800
Oh, Persephone!
213
00:07:26,835 --> 00:07:28,000
Oh, Daphne!
214
00:07:28,035 --> 00:07:30,265
These'll be a perfect
additions to our...
215
00:07:30,365 --> 00:07:32,800
upcoming mother-daughter
exhibit at the Met.
216
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,300
Looks great, girls.
217
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,500
Who wants crêpes au chocolat?
218
00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:41,200
Merci, papa!
219
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,200
So... what do you guys think?
220
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:45,500
Oh...
221
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,600
I love it, but Marshall,
222
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:50,800
I should have told you
this a long time ago.
223
00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:53,700
We can't afford to buy an apartment
224
00:07:53,735 --> 00:07:56,600
because I have too
much credit card debt.
225
00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:58,200
I am so sorry.
226
00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,700
Is what she should have said.
227
00:08:00,300 --> 00:08:02,400
I love it. Let's get it.
228
00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:03,800
Can we charge it?
229
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:06,951
To Lily and Marshall and
their momentous step...
230
00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:08,200
forward into adulthood.
231
00:08:08,235 --> 00:08:08,900
Cheers.
232
00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:12,200
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!
233
00:08:12,235 --> 00:08:14,600
- Drink it! - Yes! Well done.
- Nice! - Yeah!
234
00:08:14,635 --> 00:08:15,700
Anything else?
235
00:08:15,735 --> 00:08:16,900
Yes.
236
00:08:17,100 --> 00:08:19,600
I've been staring at
that thing for years.
237
00:08:19,635 --> 00:08:20,500
Wendy,
238
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:23,900
bring me the comically large
bottle of champagne
239
00:08:26,900 --> 00:08:27,900
Really? Are you sure?
240
00:08:27,935 --> 00:08:29,400
It's never been refrigerated.
241
00:08:29,435 --> 00:08:31,600
And I think at some point there
was a fish in it.
242
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,100
Honey, once you've made the sale,
243
00:08:34,135 --> 00:08:35,300
stop sellin'.
244
00:08:35,700 --> 00:08:38,200
All right, but you guys
have to help me carry it.
245
00:08:38,235 --> 00:08:41,300
All right, let's do it.
Let's do it. Let's go. Hmm.
246
00:08:41,335 --> 00:08:42,600
I know what you're thinking.
247
00:08:42,635 --> 00:08:44,500
I should tell Marshall the truth.
248
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,100
Hey, I've got the
whole thing figured out.
249
00:08:47,135 --> 00:08:49,100
We'll apply for the loan
under Marshall's name,
250
00:08:49,135 --> 00:08:50,700
and he'll never need to know.
251
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,700
And then in the meantime,
I'll slowly work down my debt.
252
00:08:53,735 --> 00:08:55,600
Right after I furnish the apartment.
253
00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:58,400
I saw this amazing leather sofa today.
254
00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:01,000
You should be a reality show.
255
00:09:02,900 --> 00:09:03,500
Nice!
256
00:09:03,535 --> 00:09:04,300
Nice.
257
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:06,400
Wait!
258
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,200
That cork is the size of a softball
259
00:09:08,235 --> 00:09:11,000
and you're pointing it directly
at Wendy the waitress's face.
260
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,600
Is what he should have said.
261
00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:16,400
Now if you're thinking
of buying an apartment
262
00:09:16,435 --> 00:09:18,600
it's always good to check the place out
at night.
263
00:09:18,635 --> 00:09:21,200
Welcome to my humble abode.
264
00:09:21,235 --> 00:09:23,500
This place is so nice.
265
00:09:23,535 --> 00:09:24,800
Ah, make yourself at home.
266
00:09:24,900 --> 00:09:26,100
Please, get comfortable.
267
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,700
If you see something you like,
just take it.
268
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:31,500
Who are these people?
269
00:09:31,535 --> 00:09:32,300
Uh...
270
00:09:32,335 --> 00:09:33,200
that's my parents.
271
00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:35,500
They're Asian.
272
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:36,800
Yeah.
273
00:09:36,835 --> 00:09:39,400
They're a Chinese couple
that wanted a white baby.
274
00:09:39,435 --> 00:09:40,700
It works both ways.
275
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:42,300
Cookie.
276
00:09:42,335 --> 00:09:43,500
Wow.
277
00:09:43,535 --> 00:09:44,700
Did you make those?
278
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:46,100
You got me.
279
00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:47,900
My sisters taught me how to bake
280
00:09:47,935 --> 00:09:48,900
and how to listen.
281
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:50,600
Wow.
282
00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:52,600
I feel so at home here.
283
00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:53,600
I'm glad.
284
00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:55,800
Sometimes, I don't.
285
00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:58,800
A place like this really
needs a lady of the house.
286
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,500
I know it's too early
to be thinking of you as...
287
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,600
Oh, God, I'm freaking you out, aren't I?
288
00:10:03,635 --> 00:10:06,000
It's just you make me feel so safe...
289
00:10:06,035 --> 00:10:06,900
I didn't...
290
00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:10,400
The next day,
291
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,285
Lily and Marshall went to
the mortgage broker...
292
00:10:12,385 --> 00:10:12,900
to get a loan.
293
00:10:12,935 --> 00:10:14,600
Hey, uh, can we get this in singles?
294
00:10:14,635 --> 00:10:16,700
Before we get the apartment
I want to put in a kiddie pool
295
00:10:16,735 --> 00:10:18,300
and swim around in it naked.
296
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:21,400
- Great,
- that is great!
297
00:10:21,435 --> 00:10:22,200
Thank you.
298
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:23,400
Thank you.
299
00:10:23,435 --> 00:10:25,900
Okay, all right,
back to business now.
300
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,500
All right, Mrs. Aldrin,
I'm going to need your social as well.
301
00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:31,000
What? Why?
302
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:32,800
I mean, you already have Marshall's.
303
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:34,700
Yes, but since you're a married couple,
304
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:37,200
you'll be applying
for a joint loan, so...
305
00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:40,900
Well, can we just go ahead and do it
in my husband's name?
306
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,000
He's the head of the household.
307
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,200
He earns the big bucks.
308
00:10:44,235 --> 00:10:46,300
I mean, can women even own property?
309
00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:49,300
Go ahead, just give him your social.
310
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:52,900
Okay, my...
my social is, uh...
311
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:56,200
Got it.
312
00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:57,600
Okay.
313
00:10:57,900 --> 00:11:01,000
Let's see what kind of rate
I can get you two.
314
00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:02,800
Under six percent.
Under six percent.
315
00:11:02,835 --> 00:11:04,300
Under six percent, please.
316
00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:07,200
There we go.
Congratulations.
317
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:10,300
You have been approved for a loan at 18%.
318
00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:13,300
No, way. That-that can't be right.
319
00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:15,300
You're lucky to be getting a mortgage.
320
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:16,400
Let's get out of here, Marshall.
321
00:11:16,435 --> 00:11:18,900
Hold it, I-I don't understand.
322
00:11:18,935 --> 00:11:20,500
Did we do something wrong or...?
323
00:11:20,900 --> 00:11:22,600
You have quite a bit of debt.
324
00:11:22,635 --> 00:11:24,900
My student loans. Great.
325
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:26,300
I thought we were friends.
326
00:11:26,335 --> 00:11:28,155
You know what, it's
fine to penalize me for
327
00:11:28,156 --> 00:11:30,100
trying to get an education
and build a career,
328
00:11:30,135 --> 00:11:32,066
but I will not let you
deprive my beautiful wife...
329
00:11:32,166 --> 00:11:33,500
of her dream home just because I...
330
00:11:33,535 --> 00:11:37,000
Okay, actually, it's because
of your wife's credit card debt.
331
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,300
Oh, my God.
332
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,600
Marshall, there's something
I have to tell you,
333
00:11:48,635 --> 00:11:51,000
and I want you to hear it from me first.
334
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,100
okay, so, let me get this straight.
335
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:02,000
You just snuck this girl
into some stranger's apartment?
336
00:12:02,035 --> 00:12:03,400
Yeah, we spent the night.
337
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:05,900
Hey, look at you.
338
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,300
Hey.
339
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,200
I'm wearing your bathrobe.
340
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,300
I hope you don't mind.
341
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,000
The only thing missing
from that bathrobe are your initials.
342
00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:20,100
My mom's gonna be in town next week.
343
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:22,700
Is it okay if she stays with us?
344
00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:25,900
Only if she sleeps in the bed
345
00:12:25,935 --> 00:12:27,600
and I sleep on the couch.
346
00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:29,800
You're so sweet.
347
00:12:29,835 --> 00:12:30,800
I love you.
348
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,100
There, I said it and
I'm not taking it back.
349
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:35,400
Oh, my God!
350
00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:37,000
I love you, too.
351
00:12:37,035 --> 00:12:39,700
I'm finally not the first one to say it!
352
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,400
How about you get in the shower,
353
00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:44,800
and I will make us some waffles.
354
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,200
Works every time.
355
00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:03,800
Wait.
356
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:05,600
That time that you
offered to walk my dogs
357
00:13:05,635 --> 00:13:07,600
when I went to visit
my dad in Vancouver...
358
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:08,400
Yup.
359
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,300
Is that why my Yorkie trembled
360
00:13:10,335 --> 00:13:12,300
for like a week after I got back?
361
00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:13,500
Yeah.
362
00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:15,700
That little guy saw some
stuff I'm not proud of.
363
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,500
- Whoa.
- What?
364
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,700
There was a fight here.
365
00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:22,800
What do you mean?
366
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,600
Whenever Marshall and Lily have
a big argument,
367
00:13:24,635 --> 00:13:27,600
they always leave a trail of evidence
all over the apartment.
368
00:13:27,635 --> 00:13:29,300
Oh, God, here we go.
369
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,500
He had a detective club as a kid.
370
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,700
Uh, the Mosby Boys cracked
a lot of big cases.
371
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,300
The Mosby Boys?
372
00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:38,000
You mean you and your sister.
373
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:40,900
We solved the mystery
of the missing retainer.
374
00:13:40,935 --> 00:13:43,500
Hmm, let me guess:
it was in the garbage.
375
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:45,600
Why are you like this?
376
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:48,000
Anyway, this is serious.
377
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,400
I know Lily and Marshall.
378
00:13:49,435 --> 00:13:51,400
All the telltale signs are here.
379
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:52,900
Like this.
380
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,400
- A water bottle?
- Don't touch the evidence!
381
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,400
I got your back, partner.
382
00:13:58,300 --> 00:13:59,800
It's not just any water bottle.
383
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:02,700
Notice the label is peeled off.
384
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:05,000
Lily always peels labels off
385
00:14:05,035 --> 00:14:07,000
the bottlewhen she's feeling guilty.
386
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:11,200
This label is not only peeled
off, but torn up.
387
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:16,300
Oh, man, she must have
done something bad.
388
00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:19,000
Which means Marshall
must have been really angry,
389
00:14:19,035 --> 00:14:20,500
and when Marshall gets really angry...
390
00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:22,700
he eats.
391
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:31,600
Just as I suspected,
392
00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:33,500
Cherry Garcia.
393
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,500
Given the liquid consistency,
394
00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:41,400
I place the fight between...
395
00:14:41,435 --> 00:14:42,300
noon and 1:00.
396
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,700
Ew, that was on the floor.
397
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:45,900
If you want to get
to the bottom of this,
398
00:14:45,935 --> 00:14:48,200
you're gonna need a stronger stomach
than that, doll-face.
399
00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:50,300
Marshall stood here.
400
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,500
Eating and yelling,
yelling and eating.
401
00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:56,200
Lily stood here.
402
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,200
Crying.
403
00:14:58,235 --> 00:14:59,100
Ew, Ted.
404
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:02,500
And then Marshall tried to storm out...
405
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,500
but Lily
406
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:07,200
went for the Hail Mary pass.
407
00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:11,000
Which would mean...
408
00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:18,000
What do you think,
makeup sex?
409
00:15:18,035 --> 00:15:20,200
No. There'd be a bigger mess.
410
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,900
Tempted as he was,
Marshall was still too upset.
411
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,000
He had to get out of here,
any way he could.
412
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,000
He chose the door,
413
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:28,900
slamming it behind him.
414
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:31,400
Which is why this picture is crooked.
415
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,100
Nice catch, rook.
416
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,700
I'll just, uh, take
this down to the lab.
417
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:39,600
Now all we need is a motive.
418
00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:41,400
The million-dollar question.
419
00:15:41,435 --> 00:15:42,900
What were they fighting about?
420
00:15:42,935 --> 00:15:43,900
I know what they've been fighting...
421
00:15:43,935 --> 00:15:45,400
Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.
422
00:15:45,435 --> 00:15:47,900
There's only one possible conclusion.
423
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,700
Lily and Marshall were fighting about:
424
00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:53,900
- peanut butter.
- Ah.
425
00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:55,500
Lily left the lid off...
426
00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:59,200
then Marshall blew his.
427
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,300
I know what they were fighting about,
428
00:16:02,335 --> 00:16:03,300
and it wasn't peanut butter.
429
00:16:03,335 --> 00:16:05,700
- Robin, just...
- I appreciate your help,
430
00:16:05,735 --> 00:16:08,200
but there's a reason your
name is Robin, not Batman.
431
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:09,300
Just...
432
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,400
They were fighting
because they didn't get the loan
433
00:16:11,435 --> 00:16:12,900
and it's all Lily's fault.
434
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,500
- Robin, just...
- What?
435
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,800
Yeah, she has a pile of debt
the size of Mount... Rushmore.
436
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:20,000
Nice try, Robin.
437
00:16:20,035 --> 00:16:21,900
So, the next thing Lily did
438
00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:24,300
was give Marshall
a few hours to cool off about
439
00:16:24,335 --> 00:16:25,800
the peanut butter.
440
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:28,845
Then she called him to apologize,
441
00:16:28,846 --> 00:16:31,900
which is why the last
number dialed is...
442
00:16:31,935 --> 00:16:34,000
Greenstein and Lee,
Divorce Attorneys.
443
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:37,600
This can't be happening.
444
00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:38,700
They can't...
445
00:16:38,735 --> 00:16:40,100
get divorced.
446
00:16:40,135 --> 00:16:42,000
Not Lily and Marshall, no way.
447
00:16:42,035 --> 00:16:43,600
Well, it's been nice knowing you guys.
448
00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:45,200
- What do you mean?
- Well...
449
00:16:45,235 --> 00:16:47,400
Marshall's gonna get you guys,
Lily's gonna get me.
450
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:48,678
Even if they did break up,
451
00:16:48,679 --> 00:16:50,300
that doesn't mean we
can't all still hang out.
452
00:16:50,335 --> 00:16:52,120
I mean we broke up
and we still hang out.
453
00:16:52,121 --> 00:16:52,800
It's not weird.
454
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,200
It's a little weird.
455
00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:55,700
Yeah, it is.
456
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:56,900
It's weird.
457
00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:02,500
The world needs Marshall
and Lily... together.
458
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:07,300
I'm not crying,
there's something in my eye.
459
00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:10,200
They're back.
460
00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:13,900
- Hey, hey, guys.
- Hey.
461
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,300
We have an announcement.
462
00:17:17,335 --> 00:17:19,200
I know, it's a terrible idea.
463
00:17:19,235 --> 00:17:20,700
You can't do it!
464
00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:23,300
Just look at me.
465
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:26,000
Oh...
466
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,600
I hit redial on the phone.
467
00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:29,100
Divorce lawyers?
468
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,500
Oh, I should explain.
469
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:34,000
We got in a pretty big fight.
470
00:17:34,035 --> 00:17:34,700
Yeah,
471
00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:35,800
I know.
472
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,400
Marshall stormed out.
473
00:17:38,435 --> 00:17:40,000
I went, uh, to the bar.
474
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,500
Still drinking that?
475
00:17:43,900 --> 00:17:45,300
I paid for it.
476
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,000
And apparently money's tight now, so...
477
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:50,200
Listen,
478
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:51,700
I've been thinking about this,
479
00:17:51,735 --> 00:17:54,700
and I know there's no way
to undo what I've done,
480
00:17:54,735 --> 00:17:56,200
but, well,
481
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,100
I made an appointment
with a divorce lawyer.
482
00:17:58,135 --> 00:17:59,200
What?!
483
00:17:59,235 --> 00:18:00,300
- What?!
- Oh, no, no, no, no-no.
484
00:18:00,335 --> 00:18:03,200
- What, you want a divorce now?
- No. I just mean on paper,
485
00:18:03,235 --> 00:18:04,900
so that you can buy the apartment
486
00:18:04,935 --> 00:18:07,900
- without my bad credit dragging us down.
- Lily...
487
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,700
are you trying to kill me?
488
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:12,900
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have led
with the divorce lawyer part.
489
00:18:12,935 --> 00:18:15,500
No, you shouldn't have.
490
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,200
I love you, Lily.
491
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,000
I love you, too.
492
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,600
And I want us to have our dream home.
493
00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:25,000
And, well, I don't know.
494
00:18:25,035 --> 00:18:27,300
It seems like this is a way to do it.
495
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:28,800
So...
496
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,900
Marshall Eriksen,
497
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:32,800
will you divorce me?
498
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,700
That's the sweetest divorce proposal
I've ever heard.
499
00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:38,500
So is that a yes?
500
00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:40,300
You can't sleep with other women though.
501
00:18:40,335 --> 00:18:42,800
No, we're not getting divorced,
502
00:18:42,835 --> 00:18:44,200
not even on paper.
503
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,500
When I married you,
I married your problems, too.
504
00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:50,900
The ones I knew about
and the ones I didn't.
505
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,200
So, that was the deal.
506
00:18:53,235 --> 00:18:54,700
We'll figure this out together.
507
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,700
Can I get you guys anything else?
508
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,200
So you're not getting a divorce?
509
00:19:05,235 --> 00:19:07,000
- No.
- Wow, you guys scared us.
510
00:19:07,035 --> 00:19:08,600
Oh, thank God.
511
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,200
'Cause, I mean if you did,
512
00:19:11,235 --> 00:19:14,200
then who'd be the lame married couple
I get to make fun of?
513
00:19:14,235 --> 00:19:17,100
Like, "Hey, Marshall,
you married Miss Right.
514
00:19:17,135 --> 00:19:19,300
You just didn't know her
first name was Always. "
515
00:19:19,335 --> 00:19:21,300
That stuff is gold.
516
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,400
So, what's the announcement?
517
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:27,900
I just got off the
phone with the Realtor.
518
00:19:27,935 --> 00:19:30,700
We told her that, uh,
because of our finances,
519
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,100
we're not getting the place.
520
00:19:32,135 --> 00:19:33,500
It's just-- it's
not the right time.
521
00:19:33,700 --> 00:19:35,200
Is what Marshall should have said.
522
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,600
I just got off the
phone with the realtor.
523
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:39,400
We got the place!
524
00:19:39,435 --> 00:19:41,000
We're homeowners!
525
00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:43,200
- Don't do it. - Are you insane?
- Have you lost your mind?
526
00:19:43,235 --> 00:19:44,600
Is what we should have said.
527
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:50,200
Yes! Congratulations!
That's awesome!
528
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:55,400
- This is exciting.
- Yeah.
529
00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:56,400
There it is!
530
00:19:56,900 --> 00:19:58,500
Our new home.
531
00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:00,700
Shall we?
532
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:01,700
We shall.
533
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,600
- Oh!
- Oh!
534
00:20:06,635 --> 00:20:08,500
Oh, what a horrible smell.
535
00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:09,800
It reeks.
536
00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:11,200
Oh, that's just the plant.
537
00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:13,300
Don't worry, they shut it
down on the weekends.
538
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,900
Wh-What plant?
What are you talking about?
539
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:17,100
Don't you know?
540
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:20,500
Baby, this whole neighborhood is
downwind of the sewage treatment plant.
541
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:23,100
Wait...
542
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,100
what did you just say?
543
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:30,200
I said, we're downwind of the sewage
treatment plant.